B l a c k F e a t h e r s , v 4 .1
Picturelesque

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May 31st, 2006 (Wednesday) 03:30 p.m.
Feeling : >____<

ARGH I'm an idiot. =_= I saved over yesterday's translated script, so that means I have to translate an entire episode ALL OVER AGAIN. >_< Shit. I screwed up. So that means I'll be working on Saturday to cover up on lost time. =_= *slams head into table multiple times*

In other news though, I got Ki-chan's package. ^_^ Doumo'ssu!

Also, never expected to hear the Japanese female version of Kiss From A Rose and actually like it.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 31st, 2006 (Wednesday) 12:36 a.m.
Feeling : Tired

Last night, a group of young people (early twenties or something) were around, smoking and laughing, with their car engines turned on. Which is all fine and all until you do it AT 1AM IN THE FRIGGING MORNING. I hate smoke. I hate smokers near me. And so, my annoyance bore me a new character. D:<<< Assholes. Wish I had shiruba's gun to shoot them with.

何だか、 子供向けアニメの翻訳 一日中やったら、
夜は大人向けアニメをすると 以外に難しいと分かっ
た。僕の日本語能力はまさか 崩れ始めたのかぁぁぁ
ぁぁぁぁ～？！ いやぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁぁ！ (▼Д▼#)
明日日本語学校に 授業スケジュール調べに行くぞ！

で、 何かあの人は又ママの事を悪人 にしようとして
いるような・・・ もうはや許せる時期がすぎました
ねぇ、 でもどうやって言えば・・・
いきなりママと関係ない話から 彼女を責めようと言う
文になるなんて・・・ 一体何様だ？！

The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 29th, 2006 (Monday) 08:19 p.m.
Feeling : Glad

Today was truly day 1 at work... Not too bad... I managed to translate a full episode, check and ammend stuff within the given time to myself (9am - 5pm) though I had a 1-hour nap because breakfast was a tad too heavy... Pretty happy with this working speed and hope I can keep it up.

Also whipped up a sketch an original character I've been planning for a while, which can be viewed here: Angsty Unicorn

In other news, I need to redesign my blog now that I've got a proper place to host pictures, thanks to a particularly querky gun-wielding friend.

昨日久しぶりに家族と一緒 で晩飯喰いに行ったんだ。
というより、 ママ抜きでなぁ。 なぜかと言うと、 パパとママ
の間仲悪いわけでな。 ま、 パパならこれを無視してママ
をとりあえず誘ったが、 断れた （驚きなんかしなかったけ
ど）。 ママの理由は 「アイツと出かけると変」 とか・・・ 俺は
もうこの件へ無関心。 お前らは大人はずだ； おとなげな
い事してんじゃねぇ。

最近、 パパがママに対して冷たい 態度の原因も分かっ
てきました： ママがイチイチうるさいからだ。 金についての
文句や悩みは話したくなれば、 止められないのです。
多分、 パパが金つれられないこと に無意識に怒ってい
るから、 旦那に優しくなくなったの。 パパはきっとママの
口動きに飽きれたからお互い に優しくしないだろうね。
この実現は極めて重要です。 もはや父に対する憎み
や怒りが消えてゆきます。 果たしてこれが 「大人」 にな
る道の初めて一歩なのか？！ ( ￣д￣;)
踏み出しは遅れたけど、 せめてやった （多分）。

生物学的に、 なぜ女って信じられない 程ドケチなのか、
知っているけど 性格的に考えると納得いかないね。 先
日サッブの女性友達が 「デート行きたい」 とか会話して
いたが、これも納得いかんな・・・ デートについて一体
何が良いなのか？ いや、 ボイフレンッドとかガールフレン
ッドに何がいい？ 俺的には親友はずっといい と見做し
ている。あんな 「愛」 は一類だけなんだ。 そんな「愛」し
か分からない態度が嫌がっている。 それに、私のココロ
は人間に与えるものではない。

"God is the adult's invisible friend."

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 26th, 2006 (Friday) 10:43 p.m.
Feeling : Thankful

Point. I must be disciplined enough to work from the usual 9am to 5pm even though I'm freelancing from home. Work as hard and fast as I can manage. No more sleeping at 3am. No more waking at 12pm either. No more of that. Translating an episode a day seems a litle impossible though I'd love to...

Collected my prints today, and was quite happy with the quality of the ones I sent to that professional printers'... The rest was sent to an ordinary photograph developer and I was a little surprised at how the colour and hue differed from the digital versions. Happy nonetheless.

"In nature there are neither rewards nor
punishments -- there are consequences."
- Robert G. Ingersoll (1833- 1899)

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 25th, 2006 (Thursday) 08:23 p.m.
Feeling : ^_^

*AHEM*

Sorry for the desperate outburst. I managed to sleep, though more from exhaustion. Went to get my scripts and invoice template today, get my photographs printed and got a new electronic Japanese dictionary at a whoping 1 because my old one, that served me well all 3 years in Tokyo, is finally breaking down. >_<; As far as I know, there's only a certain small counter here that sells such items. The lady there wouldn't stop pestering me about the panels and controls of the models I was eyeing being Japanese. It was only after I said I was a translator that she finally went, "Ahhhhh".

Going to be busy. Ganbarimasu. Ganbarimasu. I'm stuck on that title I was given as a test, but I'm good. It's a kid's anime, so that means less difficult issues to handle. XD

Had a lovely chat with Sis last night. :p You're so silly, Sis (no worse than me though)!

Have to take up advanced Japanese classes again... If I'm to become a better translator, I must keep my command of the language SHARP.

頑張って行きましょう・・・！

HAM AND EGGS -- A day's work for a
chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 25th, 2006 (Thursday) 06:18 a.m.
Feeling : D:<<<<<

Goddammit I can't sleep!

Why?! Because there's some bloody source of loud ultrasound SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE that has been going on for about more than 40 minutes now! What the eff is that goddamn bloody thing! If it's mechanical I want to smash its insides out with a wet towel. Lemme describe how it sounds.

You know, when the television set is on, but the volume is on zero, there's this high-pitched SCREECHING sound? What I've been hearing for the past 40 flipping minutes sounds similiar to that, except not so loud. I can't drown it out with music because I'll still 'feel' the thing. MAKE.IT.STOP.PLEASE.

Going... nuts... head... will... explode... soon...

Siti and my brother can hear it. Normal people being able to hear this probably gives you a hint on how goddamn LOUD IT IS to this high-pitched sound-sensitive person. D:<<<<

SOMEONE MAKE THIS BLOODY THING STOP.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 24th, 2006 (Wednesday) 11:57 p.m.
Feeling : Glad

こんにちは。 お久しぶりっすね、
このブローグに書き込むのが …

こっちにとってちょっと いい知らせがあります！

仕事が見つけました！ フリー日本語 （アニメ）
翻訳者としてね！ ウワーちょうどうこういう仕
事やりたかった！ 好運だぜ、 これ。

ってまぁ、 今までの事情を説明いたします。
月曜日、 ジョイスと別れてから、 電話が鳴った。
いとこちゃんのお勧めで、 俺の事をどっかのアニ
メ分配会社に知らせたそうで、 その会社に連
絡された訳だ。 向こうが 「翻訳経験ありますで
しょうか？」 と聞かれたら「仕事じゃないんですけ
ど、 友達用のアニメ翻訳やった ことならあります。
後は最近まで、 東京に三年も住んでいました」
って答えたんだ。 その後すぐ働けるっと聞かれて、
ちょっとびっくり。 どうして俺が実力足りるかの確
かめテストとかやらないのか？ まるで俺を完璧に
確信たっぷりだった！ 一体なんでだろう・・・ 合っ
たことないのに・・・ 俺はそっちのやり方とか知らな
かったから、 試し頼んだ。 詳細な事を聞いたら、
翌日その場に参りました。

何だか、 位置がすごいっというか、 見つけづらい！
とりあえず無事で着いた。 ＣＤ のアニメビデオとその
台本もらって、 帰り働き始めた。 でもその前、又
「すぐ働ける」っと聞かれた。 なんとその謎のアニメが
「乱太郎」だった。 懐かしい！ 台本があって助かる
けど、 何かちゃんと向こうのフォーマット に従わない
とならない感じで面倒くさい！ 普通自分のやり方
で翻訳が六時間で完成するが、 こっちがずぅぅぅぅ
と時間かかる！ それに口合せも気にしなきゃ・・・
会社がアニメの英語 振り替えするんだもん。 本来
どっかの誰かの振り替えが大嫌いだけど、 金要るもん。

大体二十四時間後 （今日の４時ごろ）、 完成した
物をメールで出した。 十一時家に帰ったら返事の
受信で向こうのフィードバック 読んでちょっと嬉しか
ったの： 全体的に大丈夫だったらしい！ で、 マタ「こ
の仕事をやりますか」 のような質問が付いてた。 なん
なんだ、 この人達？ 必死に翻訳者受けてない？ ま
ぁ、 やります。 貴方様は私の能力を認めるなら、 やり
ますよ！ 仕事ゲット！


*ahem*

Basically, I have a job now. As a freelance anime translator. O_O Thanks to my cousin and his contacts, I got a call on Monday, asking me to do the job. The company didn't even ask to test my abilities, so I had them give me a test instead since I know nothing of how they do things. Did one episode of a really old anime series (I think they did not want me copying the wordings off newer titles or something), and took a lot more time to do so since they needed me to do it a certain style (if I had it my way, I'd be able to translate an anime episode in 6 hours at most). In any case, I finished the job this afternoon at 4, e-mailed it to them requesting feedback, and took off with Joyce to a little digital media conference.

:x Here comes the fun part. It was a conference, so I knew (or rather, THOUGHT) I couldn't go dressed casual, so I actually dressed fully formal for the first time EVER. Down to the handbag & necklace. The result was me looking more feminine that I ever have in a decade (I just felt like it? XD and I needed a little confidence boost), and my mother & maid snapping pictures of me furiously (uuhhhhhhh), my sister being extremely satisfied with herself for doing my hair up, providing me her earings and bag, my brother staring straight at me for a long 3 seconds before acknowledging me as his sister, and Joyce taking a total of 3 looks before she recognized me at our meeting place. Basically I looked like a professional who works in Wall Street. Also borrowed a shirt from Dad's closet. I'm quite pleased I shocked everyone. >:D Though now everyone's going to be pestering me to dress like that more often. Have to admit it looked pretty good, but meeeeh T-shirt + cargo pants = more comfortable. Though at the moment, after coming back, I'm wondering what the hell made me do all that. The attire did help though; people seemed more willing to talk to me. Could just be my imagination. Tomorrow, it's back to cargo pants, WOOT!

Got back and checked to find a reply to my mail (that was bloody fast). Overall, my translation was fine though the format needed to be improved. They asked for about the third or forth time, if I was willing to translate more for them. o_O Somehow they sound desperate, but whatever. I need something to do. And so, now, I have a job.

I have to say though... this is a freelance job. Meaning I'm still on the lookout for something more stable.

--------

Saw The Da Vinci Code the other day and was disappointed. Never read the book before, but I had a very vague idea on what the whole thing was about. The... 'mysteries' seemed hilariously shallow and child's play to solve in a second before answers were revealed. The missing orb part was the worst. =_= I can't believe anyone wouldn't get it. Also, the horrific camera-spinning effect left me giddy and sick since we were seated rather close to the ENORMOUS screen. Very trippy. x_x

Also, I was having this nice dream this morning when my cousin called me. I made quite an effort to sound wide awake and fresh. Convincing. Though by the time I put the phone down, I completely forgot what the heck my dream was about. D::: Iyaaaaaa!

"goth is when you can't walk through a metal
detector without removing at least 8 pieces of
metal from places embedded in your flesh."
- silverfire

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 21st, 2006 (Sunday) 12:36 a.m.
Feeling : :O

何をするべきか、 何をやりたいか、 何をやっているか、
サッパリッす。

すみませんね、 駄目人間であるこのクソ私として。

PS: Blood+ #32... wow. :O I'm mightily impressed with the series. *nod nod* Wow. Just... wow. Wow. WOW.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 17th, 2006 (Wednesday) 01:29 a.m.
Feeling : ...

According to Wikipedia:

"Children can hear some high-pitched sounds that older adults cannot hear, as in humans the upper limit pitch of hearing gets lower with age."
- Wikipedia, Ultrasound.

Hm. Those annoying ultrasounds from electrical appliances, and even silence, annoyed me as much as when I was wee-little, as they do now. Those sensors stores use to detect if you've brought something out without paying too... those sensors are so LOUD, how come no one around ever hears it? That and those ultrasounds of those damn TVs... Deafening in another sense of the word. O_O Then again... I wouldn't describe ultrasounds as the normal sort of 'loud' or 'soft'. Personally, I feel them more than I technically use my ears to 'hear'. I've got to test myself against a dog whistle one of these days. Bats, I've long been able to hear already, though I couldn't see them in the dark of night (though I'm bit sure if they were the kinds using ultrasounds).

As for infrasounds, my first conscious contact with it was during my first experience with an earthquake in Japan. I never knew the concept of 'infrasound', but the earthquake, though scary (it was a 4), produced a very low, rumbling sound that just felt immense. I could hear it through the rattling of pots, pans, etc, and was puzzled to find out later that no one else did. Then I look online for answers on the sound. Many people insist that I was just 'imagining' it, and I might have believed them for a time, but everytime a fairly big quake hit, I would hear it. I can't describe it much technically, but the reactions it caused in me were rather extraordinary.

"It has long been realized that infrasound may cause feelings of awe or fear. Since it is not consciously perceived, it can make people feel vaguely that supernatural events are taking place."
- Wikipedia, Infrasound

It wasn't so much of the shaking that unsettled, but the rumbling itself. I don't know why it was so intimidating. Why should a mere sound be intimidating? In any case, it's unpleasant. The sort of fear that strikes the average composed human as utter silliness, that sets my heart beating faster, ready to flee from the unknown source; better safe than sorry. After 3 years, I got used to it, and once found a recording of the 2004 Boxing Day Earthquake's sound, altered for normal human beings to hear. If I had been imagining all the infrasound from before, then some heavenly force must have been guiding me since the recording was what it all sounded like, and it unsettled me just the same. D: Not to say I've very good ears though... I can only hear infrasounds when there aren't any 'normal' sounds interfering much, unless the infrasounds themselves are really major stuff like huge quakes. Again, as with ultrasound, it's not so much your ears that infrasound conveys through to you, but your whole body. Why this is so, I haven't a clue. Maybe it's just me.

I do wonder, if all this is sheer imagination, or old instincts being acknowledged. People tend to hold themselves above any 'lowly' association with the natural world, and animal-like instincts, so the notion that I'm imagining all this could well be just that; denial.

And on the happy topic of denial, I am so full of it. Denial of myself, denial to my family. Denial to the world. Whatever. Someone just shoot, drown, poison, stab, disembowl, mutilate or whatever me. I'm a fucking piece of useless crap either way. I'll be food for the maggots either way, so why wait? Why even bother? Why carry on? Why care?

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 16th, 2006 (Tuesday) 04:08 p.m.
Feeling : D:<

In a somewhat depressed attempt to find out what's keeping my blanket wet, I shall jot down some of what's on the 2 sides of my mind. Both are at war with one another and here goes:

Rebellious Side

Moral Side

1) They are dumping their problems on you. 2) They force you to feel guilty about their plight when you've done nothing wrong. 3) You have your own life to lead. No one tells you what to do with it. 4) Being in an emotional fuck-up causes you to lose the will to do anything, hence you're better off leaving and starting afresh somewhere else. 5) You think that by working and giving them $ will solve their problems, but just how much can you contribute to a 6-persons household? 6) You are not abandoning them. You will only be going away to live your life the way you want to. You can help chip in to their expenses from overseas or wherever else you want to be.

1) We are family. We share our problems together. 2) You cannot abandon your family. This is just ungrateful; after all they've done to raise and nurture you. 3) Even a little money can help the family get by a little easier. 4) Your youngster sibling has an important examination ahead this year. I have to help ease the stress on her. 5) Your parents are not bumming around; they are working as hard as they can to support the household now. Can you bare to leave them suffering like this without helping? 6) Wake up and smell the roses, do I look like I've got the resources to go out there and live a new life afresh now?

So, yes. I am at war with myself. Emo and such.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 14th, 2006 (Sunday) 11:22 p.m.
Feeling : Queered

Weird that the guy I met at the barbeque suddenly turned up in the newspapers today. Huge article on him. Whatever... It was probably for the best I didn't know him an important person, and treated him like any other dude. *nod nod*

I'm still pretty uncomfortable at people being nice to me. What did I do? I'm crap. I don't deserve their kindness. I am probably doomed to have low self-confidence inwardly for a long time. Paranoia too. Oh yeah, the world is out to f**k me, and everyone's got uterior motives. Ghosts tell on me and walls collapse on my toes if I look at them the wrong way, etc etc.

でも、ありがたいな。

Currently the world is getting its way. I'm in a considerable amount of pain and discomfort. Gonna knock myself out with some vodka later. -_-

"Some times I feel like asking if you never fell in love with anyone,
cause it's kinda amazing either if you didn't or if you did."
- Quex-dono to Sycia

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 13th, 2006 (Saturday) 05:11 a.m.
Feeling : Tired

Couldn't sleep last night because I had that nap. =_=; Had a family party--to celebrate Mother's Day--in the evening that I wasn't too keen on at first, but warmed up a little later on. Based on recent events, it's understandable that I should want to distance myself from certain figures.

Mom told me to tell anyone who asked me what I was doing now (work-wise) that I was waiting for my sent applications to be reviewed by companies. Which is an utter lie, asked to be told for a reason I cannot quite understand. There's no shame in telling relatives the truth; that I am currently still working out my resume and cover letter. Why in the world should I tell them a lie over something so trivial and insignificant? Is it to save my mother's face on the issue, or mine? I have done nothing wrong. Whatever. I didn't agree to do this, though she must have assumed I did, because later on when I did tell them the truth, she quickly tried to cover up for some unknown crime by explaining that my stuff took a month to arrive, and my Dad had work for me to do. Which isn't false, but I didn't think those needed to be said. Again, I've done nothing wrong, so why bother about this issue? I couldn't care less if they thought me a bum. They're not too far off either way.

The food wasn't too bad, but I couldn't eat much. Was talking too much to other people. Damn kid spilt soda on my pants too. I hate kids.

There was an animation guy there, brought by my youngest aunt. Interesting person to talk to, though it's a pity I've no inspiration so took a while to warm up to him and engage in some rather funny conversations. Talked to my cousin; Laesnoch Iot, for most of the time and discussed more ideas. Lil Sis was listening in on our conversation, utterly engaged (all 3 of us are fanatical storytellers). We aranged to watch the Da Vinci Code together, and went over to Laesnoch's place after that to see his photography works. Showed him some of mine too. Talked about what we wanted to do work-wise and I find myself in the same predicament as him; unsure and indecisive. At the same time we have vastly different takes on the artforms we are interested in. Though talking to him has made me feel slightly more settled and able to see a glimmer of hope somewhere. Even offered to hook me up with some of his contacts. <3

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 11th, 2006 (Thursday) 10:40 p.m.
Feeling : ...

Joyce came over yesterday. Call it a sort of reminisince of our days of independent lives, living in Tokyo when she crashed over.

Was blahed the first half today, then went to sleep. Took a while though; there was yet another terrible thunderstorm brewing. But when I did, I had the most extraordinary dream of being held captive by some mafia in some large holding facility. I was one of the bette-treated prisoners, but always snuck out of the facility (one of the guards, a nice lady in charge, let me out, and told me to get back by blah-blah-blah time) to help other people oppressed by them mafia peps. Weird. Why am I having such dreams of late?

That was a 3-hour nap. Woke up to dinner, went out my Lil Sis to dessert. I know I used to be a tyrant to my siblings (probably due to my territorial nature and jealousy?) but now i'm good, since they respect my space.

Also, the new Messenger has offline messaging capabilities. Why they don't call it an invisible mode beats me, but I'm really not complaining.

PS: My new 'pencilcase'. XD

"There are no illegitimate children -- only illegitimate parents."
- Leon R. Yankwich

[EDIT]

My family is weird. While I'm a dork and photograph tomatoes, they freeze the stuff rock-solid, then put the poor fruit over their eyes. o_____________________O

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 11th, 2006 (Thursday) 12:42 a.m.
Feeling : ...

やはりクェクス殿の言う通り、 とりあえず家族に金渡し、
ここ以外他の とっこに行った方がいいのかな。 前からず
っと思っていたけど、 急に怖くなってしまった：

これからの人生は 9時から5時まで、 ずーっと同じ壁に
向かい、 同じ仕事をやるんだ。 体が駄目になってしま
う日まででね。 どうにもこんな退屈の決まり が泣き出し
たいほどいやなんだけど、 これは平凡な仕事の基本
です。意気消沈の時から、 動画を仕事として毎日毎
日9時間以上 トレース台で絵描きすると 考えるだけで
イヤで、 まったく描く気が出ない。 それじゃ、 何の仕事を
やれば良いのか、 さっぱりッす。 だが、 とりあえず翻訳や
動画かイラストか写真撮影でもいい。 とにかく金貯まり
がさきです。 金溜まって、 家庭費をちょっと払う （一体ど
の位であいつ達が満足すんの？） 。やばくなるほど退屈
や必死になりましたら 「シ」 というオプションも悪くないね。

今度の金曜日に母の日 を祝うバーベキューがジョーいと
この所で行われます。 あんまり行きたくないのです。 とい
うより現在親との関係がかなり微妙だし。 別に悪くはな
いけど、 母に何を言うべきか、 分からぬ。 何の顔してれ
ばいいかも。 迷っている。 一方、 家庭費を手伝いたいが、
その件で自分の 「将来」 がなくなるという心配も
胸に秘めています。

でも不思議と、 デスモンドという友達と話したら ちょっとすっき
りした。 少なくてもこれは世界の週末でない。

Basically, I don't want to type in English because the details are not for certain related individuals. I'm down, confused, frustrated, and at war with myself for now.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

Wednesday, May 10th, 2006 12:18 a.m.
Feeling : ...

About the earlier entry... My father started off the conversation by reminding me of the family's wonderful situation (which happens to be hounded into me like 3 times a day at least, by my mother). Then he proceeded to apologize for not sending any cash while I was away (whatever, I didn't expect any in the first place, though it's SO ODD that he never mentioned the issue before). After that was a little prep talk on how family should stick together through hard times (which incidentally, also happens to be hounded into me a lot by my mother). Then going onto ask some cash to help him clinch a business deal should he ever need it (y'know, I've got this strange feeling that him needing it, is 100% anyway). After that was some reassurance that he'd pay me back (I can hear a group of random Asians gossiping and saying I shouldn't expect payment from my parents if I'm an adult!).

何か、 俺って誰のために生きてんの？ 現在別に生存
するか他界するか、 どうでも良い。 今の記事を読んで
「こいつ、 勝手だなぁ」 とか思っている人達に ：

なぜ私は勝手だと思うんですか？ 「自分の親にこんな
ケッチ」のような返事するだろう。 それじゃ、 俺が自殺し
たら「なんて事しやがった！ これから親の世話誰がや
るんだ？ 誰が家庭費を払う？」 と思うでしょう。 そう考
えると、 俺は自分のために生存しているんじゃなくて、
他人 （家族） のために生きていることになる。 アジア人の
考え方では、 それが当たり前。 だが何故か、 俺は非常
にイヤだ。 そうです。 俺は悪魔のような悪い娘です。

家族を助けたい。 自分の人生の選択を自由に選びた
い。 だがもう俺なんざどうでもいい。 俺が持っている金
全部とってくれ。 そして、 溺死させてくれ。 すでに生きる
理由さえ見つかれぬ。 せめてあなたに役立てて良かった。

アッ、でも生存し続け、社会で働けばお金がもっとつれ
るですよね？ じゃやはり溺死したら もったいない ッすね～

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 9th, 2006 (Tuesday) 11:21 p.m.
Feeling : ...

:D Hello! My father just had a bit of a serious talk with me saying he may need to borrow some cash (00++) to clinch a business deal. Earlier on my mother asked me if I could lend her 0 for my sister's examination fees. :D :D :D

This is your convenient piggy-bank speaking! How may I serve you today? Would you like to withdraw / ask for the remaining 00 I have in my bank, too? Oh, don't worry about me after that, I'll just live on air as long as I can manage! I will never say "No" to you, especially after both of you keep telling me you feel like commiting suicide (either by jumping down tall buildings or by putting a bullet through your heads though firearms are illegal here)! No sssiiiiirrrrrreeee~ <3

Mom's crying. Again. I'm not feeling that great either.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 9th, 2006 (Tuesday) 09:07 p.m.
Feeling : -_-;

It has not been a good day. Went out to get some art material. When I got to the place, it was raining. Fine. It rains all the time, so I wait it out in a bus stop for 30 minutes. It stops. I run across a road to check out a photograph shop. When I get out, it's raining again. Fine. Rain is natural; we need it to survive. So I wait under some shelter for another 30 minutes before it stops. I scamper to the shopping complex to get my art materials. When I get out, lo and behold, it's NOT raining! I attempt to cross the road to get to my busstop. It begins to f**kin' rain again. I can't get the the busstop of my choice so I've got to take a round about trip in other buses for 2 hours before I get home. Oh, and did I forget to mention? It rained AGAIN while I was on the damn buses so I couldn't get down to walk. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Rain's been following me around the whole bloody day. Even when I got home, though it WASN'T raining, the lightning and thunder was pretty bad already, and of course, it had to shower later on.

I just thought about it. The sensation of dying probably stimulates my brain to release some happy-drug. o_O But it ain't no ordinary happy drug... I mean, I don't just feel happy, I feel relieved, at peace, and free from every possible burden. It's like the weight of my own physical body no longer holds me down, and I'm free to float about like a bird. Hence I was so disappointed at waking up, alive, after this dream.

俺ってやはり普通じゃねぇ。

According to ignostics, "Does a god exist?" has the same
logical status as "What color is Saturday?"; they are both
nonsensical, and thus have no meaningful answers.
- Wikipedia, Atheism

[EDIT]

Oh yes, I forgot to add that a wonderfully considerate young lady yammered away on her mobile phone for an entire fucking hour, while on the bus, behind me, in an unbelievably loud and fucktard-Singlish voice. Idiot. I do not want to know how you were stalked and had some guy asking you for your number. I do not want to hear you playing cheap, stupid, childish love games with your boyfriend over the goddamn phone in a public place. I do NOT want to hear how your life sucks and shit like that because I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK. Keep your stupid matters to yourself and spare a thought to people on the bus who want to have a nice QUIET time after a tiring day, you dimwit-prat-of-a-bimbo. Thank you.

If anyone had any doubts about me hating loud sounds of any kind, may they be dispelled now.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 8th, 2006 (Monday) 12:51 p.m.
Feeling : Dotted

Nice dream... Was a sort of small-time undercover cop or something, hiding in a storage facility full of floating ice (icebergs?!) with a partner of mine. We were getting people out of the entire facility by leading them through the icy underwater tunnels to outside. That seemed successful. Except someone gave us away and before I could expose anyone on the next mission (some drug-bust), I got shot in the back at close range.

By normal standards, I would be considered suicidal or plain twisted to find dreams of myself dying pleasant. Then again, those are the opinions of the normal person who does not attempt to read into anything about dreams.

In other news I heard my work (handed to my Dad's friend) can't be used because it's in a .doc format. I don't get the guy. I told him LONG ago that I'd be doing the formatting via Microsoft Word since I don't have any fancy programme to assist. He agreed. Now he tells me it can't be used. Fine. A friggin' month doing that thing and he tells me this. Thank you. Fuck you. Whatever. I won't blow up until I get looked up again to do some other random thing. I refuse to get angry over this, (A) because it simply isn't worth it, (B) if this is what it takes to have them leave me alone, so be it.

My furniture is arriving today. Weee~ Time to get cracking.

"Anyone can stop a man's life, but no one
his death; a thousand doors open on to it."

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 7th, 2006 (Sunday) 11:21 p.m.
Feeling : 'O.K'

I was out the entire day yesterday with Mom and Grandma, and had gone to eat at a hawker center. Went to some store selling sugarcane juice and said, "3 big cups please." The guy replied in Chinese, "Do you want to drink it?" (要不要飲？). I stopped and thought for a bit, then replied yes, holding back the urge to throw my arms up into the air and say, "No, I want to take a bath in it!" -_- Ridiculous.

Other Singaporeans, apparently fueled by some mysterious knowledge I'm not entitled to, say the guy was probably refering to if I wanted take-away, or the drinks in cups. I had specifically SAID, "3 big cups please." Not packets.

Went out to get a shelf. Yay~! Finally I can unpack everything.

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 5th, 2006 (Friday) 11:19 p.m.
Feeling : Happy~

Hmmm a little day-to-day update. Got woken up by Dad asking me to return something. Lazed around for a bit and went out the room to find Lil Sis and Bro having lunch. Well... for some odd reason I got shoved shoved twice the amount I could handle, and finished it anyway, resulting in me being full and having a tummyache the rest of the day (still feeling the effect of it).

Also, I got a pleasant surprise in the mail. Movies! :D :D :D Mob movie! Spirit! Er, those were the only two I actually know of the lot that came. Watched the movie: Goodfellas as my first mob-genre one. I have to say it was handled pretty well at the start, though the later bit of everything falling apart could have been better. I'm more surprised I could get a bit of the mafioso lingo. I'm glad one of my 2 DVD-drives has been set to reigon 1~ It's been a long time since I actually saw a real movie. PS: Joe Pesci as a mobster?! The only thing I can remember him for is that burgular from Home Alone & Home Alone 2! But this will make swell reference material for a few of my stories. Rated 'R' for violence, but hey, it was a lot less tasteless than Battle Royale.

And did I mention my Dad's work is FINALLY done? I am f**king happy. NOW I CAN GET ALONG!

シルバーさんと話した。あいつはこの日記のこと
読んでいるから状態分かってくれるつもりで、少
し慰めてくれたの。本音が何なんのかをとりあえ
ず置いといて、ありがたいのです。

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 5th, 2006 (Friday) 12:07 a.m.
Feeling : Annoyed

時々自分の記事について 他人の意見や返事とか
聞きたくなくて、 ここに日本語で書き込むのです。

っということで、 そちらの日本語ご存知の貴方様に
この記事に何も仰らない とお願い致します。

親父のデザイン仕事を とりあえず完成しました。
でもまだ変更とかフィードバックが残って、 一体いつ
終わらせるひが来るなのか と思っています。仕事っと
言っても金も出ないんだし、 自分が無料で働いてい
ることとなりきりですねッ。 他のアジア人達は「両親の
仕事手伝いならでもしろ。 それに文句言わないこと」
と言うだろうね。 だが俺は極めて不満であります。

なぜ？ 両親に向かって「いいえ」 と言えない以上、
自分の仕事探しの時間が どんどん盗まれてく。
完璧に利用されている。

それだけやありまへん。 いっつもいっつも親父のくっ
だらねぇ ＭＩＣＲＯＳＯＦＴ ＥＸＣＥＬ の質問を返信
でないといけないのです （こっちが一度もＥＸＣＥＬ
使った事ないのに！）。 あのな愛しいお父様、 そっ
ちはファイルの保存も 知らずになんでＥＸＣＥＬとか
使っているんだ？ 問題が起こしたらどうすんだよ？！
お前が何のオカシイ使い方 のおかげでそうになうだよ！
「このクソプログラム」 とか言ってんじゃねぇよ！ 本人
の所為なんだよ！ それにな、 軽く俺を呼び出すん
じゃない！ こっちはお前の目に細菌 より低い存在だ
と分かっているが俺はメイドと違う！ 十分に２回読ん
で、 クッダラナイ質問聞くな！

本当に細菌より低い存在です。落ち込んでいると
明るい音楽に頼って慰めて元気を戻させて、最低だ。

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 3rd, 2006 (Wednesday) 10:39 p.m.
Feeling : : |

I need to see the Da Vinci code. It's interesting to see how people, with no hard evidence on if a person called Jesus, refute any theories such a film--based on fact--puts foreward.

Lately, the upcoming elections has been the topic of much talk., though I think it would barely make a difference since right about everyone knows the winner. Elections? It's just a balant formality as proof to the world that this 'democratic' republic lives up to its title.

At the moment, I have just finished my father's work. I desperately want out, so must learn to say "NO", curt and firm.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 03:53 p.m.
Feeling : Weirded

You know... the word 'biscuit', on its own is really misleading... -_- Where I was raised, we use it to describe a same hard baked product (sweet or savoury) which most Americans would call either cookie, or cracker. The term 'cookie', I use to describe the thick, slightly softer (and mostly terribly unhealthy) varieties like chocolate chip, and crackers are an alternative name for biscuits that are plain, extra-crunchy and savoury in nature.

Then when I look at how the term 'biscuit' is used in America, I get a surprise to see that the 'biscuits' over there, refers to what I like to call 'scones'; the nice warm fluffy stuff that goes really well with tea on a cold afternoon. >_< So very confusing. Next time, I'm going to use 'fairy cake' instead of 'muffin'. -_-

No wonder I kept getting confused at the 'biscult' recipes that turned up from my search. >_<;

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

May 1st, 2006 (Monday) 12:54 a.m.
Feeling : Relaxed

o_O That was a pretty far-out dream. Apparently a whole bunch of us 3000-strong had been enslaved by... another bunch. We were making an escape up this huge system of spiralling stairs with our slavers raging after us. Of everyone, there was Dad and Lil Bro there with me, and for some odd reason, I jumped down to the base of the stairs after climbing up halfway, trying to stop our foes. Errr yeah I died again, then carried on the dream as a ghost XD It's pretty vague now, but the sheer scale of buildings in there was mind-boggling.

I checked out Witchblade last night and was... disappointed to say the least. It reminded me so much of Blood+'s first episode. My interest in Japanese animations has waned so much that I finally see past that flawfless obsession to understand and make real opinions of them. -_-; I have to agree with Joyce that animes are mostly cliche and terribly similiar to at least one other title.

I've finally caught up with Blood+. Damn. This series... :D I love it. But the genetics part had me wondering how credible their theory had. Glad I have some background on DNA and evolution since I'm no creationist. Anyway, looking at the opening and ending, I get the idea that Solomon is going to switch sides. I'm beginning to like him since he's the most neutral and in-touch with humans Chevalier.

Went to check out some D-SLR cameras the other day with some advice from a fellow fansubber, and the encouragement from a little genie. Since it was actually my first time paying attention to prices, I flipped quite a number of times at the sheer amount needed for some models. I mean... 00+ for the body alone?! What the hell's in that stuff? Diamonds? O_O; But anyway, the idea of a roving photographer isn't too far off, though I need some training and a lot of practise. The first thing I'm going to do when I figure those type of cameras out is go to the zoo and snap photographs of the animals in there.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~