B l a c k F e a t h e r s , v 4 .1
Picturelesque

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July 31st, 2006 (Monday) 05:22 p.m.
Feeling : o_O

Had yet ANOTHER dream of sailing. Though that's all I remember of it.

Was telling Quex-dono about EM, and found myself a lot happier (and teary-eyed) after the conversations. ^_^; I really do miss EM, but that the same time feel so blessed to have met such a person.

I remember visiting a sailing ship during my homestay in Hokkaido, but I never found any records of it in the list of seaworthy sailing vessels. After digging up an old journal I kept during that 2 week homestay, I finally found the name of it!

開陽丸 (kaiyoumaru). Wikipedia (JP)

I like its Dutch name better. XD It didn't strike me as anything special at the time, since it was a hybrid of old and new technology. Not to mention it isn't sea-worthy... Pity that such a great ship landed up sitting in a dock of a dying town though... I think I've got pictures of it hidden somewhere in my stash. I do seem to recall the frightening loads of ammunition on board (replicated and retrieved from bottom of sea).

"The Christian fundamentalists have been promising us the
End Times, Judgement Day, et cetera, for two thousand years.
I'm coming to the conclusion that their god is the Universe's
biggest procrastinator, and I wish he'd hurry up and get it over
with already, so I can be rid of these enRaptured nuts."
- LJ, rpeate

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 31st, 2006 (Monday) 05:46 a.m.
Feeling : ^_^ ~♥

You know what? The library couldn't help in my search for the history and development of sailing vessels either. So eff that. Eff the biggest bookstore around here too. -_-; Amazon.com has a wealth of the material I want. Whoa. Imma save up for these babies and send over a money order some time... :0~~~~

"Blood is thicker than water. And certainly
a lot more difficult to wash off."
- Mosica

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 30th, 2006 (Sunday) 02:26 p.m.
Feeling : o_O

Now, because of me pondering over Mom's new found peace, I had a series of whacky dreams last night that I can't quite remember in sequence at the moment. Involved sailing on a tall ship or something, debating on why people turn to religion, becoming increasingly frustrated, getting shot in the head just so to prove a point (though I didn't die?!), and going on a realllllly reallllly long journey. Woke up with bedsore. :O Even though I only slept 8/9 hours...

Just as I was coming to accept Lil Sis's religion, Mom converted too. Meh, this is going to take time to swallow...

With news of heatwaves making headlines throughout the world, people here are feeling absolutely nothing of it. Despite the fact that we're sitting just one degree North of the equator, and have daily highs of 35 degrees C, and humidity is sickeningly 95% most of the time, it's been drastically cooler for the past few days. Perhaps 5 to 6 degrees cooler. Feels like we're experiencing a volcanic/nuclear winter for some odd reason. And it's supposed to be the hottest part of the year for us now. oO Not that I'm complaining. No no no no I love the cooler weather :D Banzai!

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 30th, 2006 (Sunday) 01:03 a.m.
Feeling : Horrified

Just found out that my Mom's gone Christian. Or praying, at the very least.

何かスゴク気騒ぐけど、実際に言うと僕自身全く関係
のない話だ。彼女自身決めたもんだから、私は何も言
えない。言う立場ではないのだ。なのにムカツク。最低
だ俺。

Probably stemming from the fact that I detest all mainstream organized religion like plagues, I was taken aback (serious understatment). Especially since both parents were the ones who liberated my mind after I was in a Catholic school for 6 years and ended up almost converting. So now, I'm the only non-religious female in the family. Okaaaaaaaaaaay. One may think having been close to death twice would cause me to seek haven in religion, but it's quite the opposite; I've grown spiritually, with my skeptism in organized religions and its effect on people rocketing out into space and beyond. Talk about awesome contradiction.

So, which is the more dangerous to all who believe in God?

1) A person who believes in another "God"/ Devil-worshippers, or
2) A person who believes in himself (Atheist/nontheist/whatever)?

I've got a lot more to say on the issue, but whatever. They're just my opinions. *shrugs* Opinions of a biased, flawed, imperfect mortal. Thank you.

Hence, I responded to Mom, after a considerably long pause that ensured upon her telling me she had "found her peace":

"Whatever floats your boat."

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 28th, 2006 (Friday) 11:23 p.m.
Feeling : Content~

Was searching for books on the history of sailing vessels at the bookstore. Couldn't find any, so it's to the library, I shall go.

Met with the guy again to discuss the comic thingie. We're finally getting somewhere. Had prepared a few character designs for him, and he appeared to like what he saw. :D

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 27th, 2006 (Thursday) 09:39 p.m.
Feeling : :D

Nuuuu! How could the owner/s of Lady Washington ever allow some filmmakers to carve out cannon holes into her hull! I know she's a replica and all, but STILL! T^T She's a beauty! >___< I'd flip off my nut if anyone did THAT to my ship! Not that parts don't get damaged, broken, ripped off and whatnot during bad weather, but deliberately mutilating a ship? >____<;;;

And I'll be damned... I actually recognized the Bounty from PotC2 as she was being torn apart by the Kraken (only recognized her via her stern though) from the library of sailing vessel pictures I've been building up as reference. Go me! :D:D:D:D:D (Geek alarm goes off)

I also get the feeling that HMS Surprise is going to be used in the next film. oO

And um... does anyone around here know sailing? Maybe you could help me with figuring out/ deciphering THIS. DX If anyone here thinks that's insane, bear in mind I'm trying to design my own sailing vessel for an original story, kthxbai. Still have a long way to go, but hey, I've got the passion. >: |

And, despite the love for the seas, ships and nautical whatnots, I won't ever considered a seafaring life. No way. I'd die from seasickness (which I've never really gotten before, but come pretty close), deprivation, and the overwhelming smell of sea salt. No-no, no-no, no pirate's life for me. All this despite the fact I've been on numerous boats/ships indistant past, and loved helping out. The experience of freedom in a the middle of open ocean is quite unique, and in another sense, a little unnerving. Going wherever you want, no boundaries in sight, left to your own devices with absolutely no rules but your own. The sound of water slooshing by the hull, the fresh raw wind blowing past your face, sounds of seabirds greeting you as you close into land, the heat of the sun bathing the deck. Indeed, something. My favourite place used to be the bow. XD I'd sit and lie, sleeping there for hours while the ship cruised along, unintentionally getting tans. I wouldn't mind experiencing that again, but only for recreation. <3

PS, small high-speed catamarans are waaaaaay fun when you cut through waves on a stormy day. XD But as a landlubber, my head would be rocking for days on end even after getting to stable ground. It's like feeling high, without the drugs.

Also, I actually drooled last night, looking over pictures of the purdy ships (in partcular, the full-rigged ones ). And I don't even (really) do that over food?!

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 26th, 2006 (Wednesday) 01:43 p.m.
Feeling : Weirded

Dream journal entry, again!

-------------------------

Another oddball dream that involved a lot of running about last night. This time, I was on vacation with Joyce. We had come to a place to explore a snowy mountain where some famous battle had occured, with some weirdo volcanic cavern was. I think it had been where one of my past life's dramatic death had taken place; killed in the process of slaying someone, I believe. Anyway. It had taken the both of us ages to even get to this mountainous reigon, having to had trekked over vast distances, battling the snowy terrain, fighting back the bitter cold and exhaustion. We stayed at some cave hotel that was built deep into a mountain, and was strangely comfortably warm.

Both of us had made a few trips up to the volcanic cavern, and during the final trip, I sensed someone following us up the mountain. I got annoyed and when I did find out what the culprit was; a particularly lecherous-looking man who looked like he'd just come from Akihabara, I was understandably unhappy. As an understatment, I started to throw spears (the mountainside was covered with frozen blood and dead warriors and the like. Don't know why or how I got Joyce to come along to such a gory playce). I think I hit home somewhere, and we continued looking around, satisfied that the man was injured, and probably wouldn't be back to bother us again. However, I felt tailed as we returned to the cave hotel.

ちなみに、 あの男は何となく 「アイツ」 にスゴク似ていました。

Back at the hotel lobby (rather large), we were sitting around enjoying tea or something, when the man reappeared and snatched my sword, and some other weapon I was carrying (yeah, I had weapons in there Oo). I got annoyed and demanded them back, and he went jumping about happy and full-of-himself, saying that if we wanted the stuff back, we'd have to trade in our undergarments or something. Very anime-ish, yeah. Both of us got mad. And most of the rest of the dream was spent as a cat and mouse game; going after him for the stolen items, and at the same time trying not to get caught by the sick pervert. Mostly very anime-ish with no blood shed, until I saw him trying to creep up on Joyce (who was browsing books). Threw a brick from afar and hit his head, then he turned all serious and dangerous, and made off with a green shirt of hers (a spare that she wasn't wearing) and her wallet. This was getting way stupid. He seemed intent of claiming his prize more than ever, and it had shifted from our undergarments to us after that little bricking incident, with all do respect, lust overflowing and whatnot.

Eventually, I had enough, and as he was about to get away with our undergarments (stole them from our room) to hide them in his stash somewhere, a lightbulb lit up for me and I yelled real loud, into the hotel lobby, that he had stolen our things, and in particular, undergarments. The yell had made the guy freeze, and went resonating throughout the entire cave complex.

The reaction from those who heard was quite impressive; the entire hotel's worth of customers male and female, and a goddamn lot that appeared from nowhere else, suddenly rushed into the lobby to mob the guy. oO He was peeing in his pants as he fled. The both of us were absolutely flabbergasted--and very amused (or at least, I was). We later headed up the bloody mountain again and found our items scattered in the snow. oO What eventually became of the guy, I haven't a clue. We just proceeded to pack for the long trek back home.

-------------------------

That was a pretty long dream... I typed out the above right after waking up, and now, some hours later, I can't even remember dreaming the stuff. Sheesh. It's true; you forget your dreams by every waking minute.

昨夜ママと話に部屋へ行ったところに、 彼女はこの日記を
ちょうど読んでいることを見つけたの。 なんか・・・このブログ
は公開でありつつ、 家族に見せたくないな。 家族の事や
悩み、 苦しみや悲しみとか書き込むからこそ、 あいつらが見
ちゃイヤなんだなぁ。

それをきっかけとして、 日記を私
有にしようかなぁ と考えております。

"america is intimidating... they're like the orcs of modern times.
low national IQ, highest weapon concentration on the planet. only
thing they dont have is green skin"
- Azuriel, IRC

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 25th, 2006 (Tuesday) 01:30 p.m.
Feeling : Neutral

You know... with societies all across the world getting "liberated" and become more and more sex-oriented, I'm beginning to wonder why asexuality, or having no interest in sex at all, is waved off as a phase, avoidence, phobia, or just restraint. Homosexuality used to be seen the same way. So was bisexuality. Now, it's asexuality's turn. Maybe it'll be a few more centuaries before it's accepted at all, but for now, I'm getting pretty pissed off at being looked at like I'm just a weirdo (which I don't normally mind, but not being taken seriously on this issue gets to me). Just because there aren't many people who have no sexual interest doesn't mean they don't exist. I suppose I'll have to pretend I'm hetreosexual then, until such a time of acceptance comes. And the lie that I've got a mate to have others lay off, in that particular sense. Maybe I should just say I've got Aids, to anyone who tries to bonk me. Bleah.

This coming from a person who doesn't even feel male or female... No wonder my hormones have warped up so bad that I've got to take pills. oO I'm androgyne! Goodness. Androgyne as a gender identity, and asexual for sexual orientation. More lies to tell to the world! Oh goody. Judging from how things are going, I'd say people will figure I'm completely out of my mind if I told anyone I don't feel particularly male nor female. Pity. Because with that understanding, will surely come the acceptance of asexuality.

"One thing we have to remember is that variation is
the norm. Biology loves difference. Society hates it."
sexologist Professor Milton Diamond

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 24th, 2006 (Monday) 09:19 p.m.
Feeling : Tired

Okay, ever since that dream with the Mother Mary bit and fighting demons, my body has been aching for days, and I don't even know why. I had woken up anoyed, so paid little heed to the muscle aches, but after so many days, it's beginning to bother me. No, I don't think it was a bad sleeping position. Both shoulders, scapula areas, back-of-thigh-muscles and oddly even, bottocks, have been aching badly like I had a serious workout over the course of that dream. D: I can't even sit down without the aches acting up. Not that they're unbearable, but this is ridiculous...

Also, I was caught twice on national TV today while at town. Go me. =_=+++

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 24th, 2006 (Monday) 07:08 a.m.
Feeling : -_-;

ウワー最低の人間だ、俺。こんな醜い存在なんか死んだ
方がマシだろう。こんなにわがままなやつなんざ生きる資格
がねぇ。どっかの酔ってた神様でも気まぐれでこんな下品な
生物を創ってしまったかなぁ？その理由しかたどり着かない
のだ。

Nuclear Plant Struck by Jellyfish. Funniest thing I've heard this week. XD

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 21st, 2006 (Friday) 01:40 p.m.
Feeling : D:<

Fucking shit... that was one hell of a dream...

Earth was invaded by a demon-like race of people who seemed intent on stamping out all organized religion. In a way, their violent ways reminded me of the Russian rule. Many resisted them, even me though I wasn't religious, even in there, since the demons wanted to rule over every aspect of everyday life, even when one could go out and get groceries. So yeah, everyone human was more or less unhappy with them and most fought back. I remember being a member of one of the smaller freedom fighter groups that almost entirely got wiped out at the end of that resistence, save for me and another woman. We were on the run after the humans lost the battle against the 'demons', hiding from them and fellow humans alike. We ended up in a church at one point, and had barely escaped a fight against two demons, with a few other remaining freedom fighters of separate factions killed there. The woman and I moved to the second floor to get some rest. She went to sleep on a bench, and I was looking around to look out for danger.

This is when the fucking trippy part starts. A small stain glass window I was looking at, which had a Mother Mary bust in it, suddenly popped up into a 3D person. I mean, it was as if Mother Mary attually emerged from it (only slightly, not enough to STEP OUT) and started talking. Obviously I was freaked (especially since I'm no religious person). I was gawking as parts of her hair started emerging from what was stained glass, and her lips suddenly moved to produce a kind, but somewhat sinister voice (come on, anyone would find a talking stain glass person creepy). Can't remember exactly what she said, but the gist of it was that I was to receive a spark (or something) to mother child of God or some nit-shit like that. I got seriously annoyed with that; I hate kids, and have no intention of ever spawning such a plague and got into somewhat of a verbal argument with her, during with I fought back the delicious temptation to (1) slap the idiot for trying to control my life, and (2), to just smash the stain glass window so I wouldn't have to hear any of that nonsence. I do distinctly remember some weird halo of light surrounding me after that, and feeling extremely violated. Go abortion! Then she went off about destiny and how I'd fulfill the role of blahblahblahblahblah. UGH. The last I remember, she was getting on my nerves, and I woke up, miffed as hell.

... even though that was a dream, WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm such a sucker for oldern technology and architecture. Latest obsession is sailing ships. Heightened by the latest Pirates movie, though I loved those sea vessels in the first place. Make no mistake about it, I'm not cut out for the sea. It's a beautiful environment, but not mine; so no, no pirate's life for me.

Trying to design a traditional sailing vessel with full masts and stuff ain't easy =_=;;; Just look at the amount of ropes around! GAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH. I should start studying the basics of nautical dynamics first. ><;;; Doesn't stop me from drooooooooooling like hell over the photographs of reconstructed/ restored sailing ships from other countries though (no, we don't have any here). :O~~~~

Oh yes, reading up story (history) of Jack Sparrow and The Black Pearl makes me happy that the guys behind it made the effort to blend it into the era it's based in (since I've already done my fair bit of research on the Golden Age of pirates in the Caribbean, and the design of ships at the time); it explains why Jack has possession of a galleon that looks like a merchant vessel, and explains why he loves it so. :D:D

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 20th, 2006 (Thursday) 03:41 p.m.
Feeling : In pain

Saw a documentary featuring the real Henry Hill (guy who inspired Goodfellas). That was interesting... things were toned down so much more in the film, and that coming out of the real Henry Hill himself was shocking in itself.. PS: The director of Goodfellas is a mighty handsome man (or at least the make-up gave me that impression). Random thought here: How in the world did those eyebrows of his stay black when his hair's all white? oO I'm wondering why he didn't act in the show himself. Could have passed off as a made man. I'm a believer now; almost any man can look good in a black suit.

Another random note: Joe Pesci still cracks me up in there XD

Also, I don't know if my Mom read this blog, but she asked me if I was considering overseas for job prospects. I said yes, and surprisingly, she said she'd give me her support to go for it. Still, the reality of it is that I need to work here for a while before going anywhere else, as she mentioned (not that I don't know that).

And I can't stop staring at this deck prism. Thanks a lot, Quex-dono. XD

PS: Is anyone here a nautical engineer? I need some advice. : | Or does anyone have links to shipbuilding and construction? In particular, the history of shipbuilding and designing would be especially useful. Books recommended would be appreciated too!

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 18th, 2006 (Tuesday) 05:47 p.m.
Feeling : >_<;;;;

Just what the heck is it with video cameras and me? Twice in a week already, I've been caught on national TV D:<<< I go out to a convention, I get caught on tape. I go out to get groceries, I get shot again?! This isn't just a recent thing; I've been caught on camera at the most random moments even years ago. D:<

Also, I'm such a fucking dork. XD Was watching "10 Things You Didn't Know About Volcanoes" where this host gives a short description of 10 volcanoes before revealing their names. I'm such a dork for being able to figure them out on my own. XD DORK! And um... 10 things I didn't know? More like 1 or 2... A little sore that Lake Toba wasn't featured much in the programme, but whatever... Judging from the frequency of geological activity around Southeast Asia over the last 100,000 years, I'd say we're pretty ready for something of grand proportions over here.

People like to see volcanoes and earthquakes as bad, destructive and something that they would probably want to do without altogether. Which is a thought path I guess I could understand since humans don't live their lives at the same rate Earth does. People get colds that last a week. Earth get ice ages that last millenia. Quit expecting the Earth to change just to fit your timeflow--it'd be a far less stable place to try living in if it was. I say geological activity is healthy for our planet; without it, Earth would be as dead as the Moon. Love or hate it, life just wouldn't be possible without it. Another refreshing reminder that life and the Universe doesn't revolve around humans; much to the disappointment of most.

Another thing that's been bothering me is the Big Bang theory. It's widely regarded as the start of the Universe as we know it, and I read it up as a kid in my encyclopedias at the age of 6 or so (DORK!) and accepted it, but upon examining it again recently, found it somewhat... whacked. The Big Bang would have had to require a large amount of energy to work, so where did that blasted energy come from? Similiar to the conservation of energy theory (in which energy is neither made nor destroyed, but converted/ transformed from/to one form to another), nothing so far has convinced me to think that anything existing can be made/destroyed from/to a state of absolute non-existence; rather it is changed into another form of existence. God? Then where did God come from? Who/ what created it? I'm a scientific person with a spiritual side, so fine I'm good with the concept of a God, but he/she/it must have a logical reason/explanation for being there in the first place. People tell me that shit about God-o-mighty just existing there since the beginning of existence and that makes it less convincing to me. Sounds like an excuse conveniently made up to satisfy and silence the deepest questions with almost no possible answers. The more I think about this, the more frustrated and confused I get. Perhaps this is why people choose to belive in God. It's a convenient answer to all life's insanely puzzling questions that would otherwise drive people nuts if they didn't choose to ignore. Maybe these questions are just not for us to comprehend in the first place. Biologically-speaking, we don't have a real reason or use to think on such a scale. Our brains function much better thinking about how to secure our next meal rather than try to think of the origin of existence. So in effect, me pondering over this very question is stupid in itself! oO BLLLLAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! *clutches head in pain*

"When a man ceases to believe in god, he does not
believe in nothing. He believes in everything."
- G.K. Chesterson

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 17th, 2006 01:13 a.m.
Feeling : -_- Sweating like a hog

Have been a little busy of late... mostly with Dad's work (nothing design-related, thank god) packing stuff into boxes over the weekend, screwing bottle-caps and trying not to develop blisters (plasters came in frightfully useful) and trying to find some time to get a darn hair cut (which I haven't gotten, by the way). All this, while going a little nuts about PotC II. *ahem*

Went to some CG convention on Friday that boasted itself to be the biggest in Asia. I gawked when I got there; a few stores plus some talk. Riiiiiiiight. It should be boasting itself as the ONLY CG convention in Asia. In any case, met up with a few people from my Polytechnic days, and another from the Philipines; was reaffirmed that people in the creative field go absolutely NOWHERE in this fucking shithole.

May need to get a new camera sooner that I expected... my current one is showing signs of wear and tear, and crankiness. Still works, somewhat, but I have to be prepared for when it finally goes poof. Not that I won't freak out all the same, though. XD

There are but 3 ways to get things done:
1) Do it yourself.
2) Hire someone to do it for you.
3) Tell your kids not to do it.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 12th, 2006 (Wednesday) 11:12 p.m.
Feeling : :O

I've been feeling stressed out of late because of some.... insurance matters. So I finally decided enough was bloody heck ENOUGH. Ended the stupid thing earlier today after having no sleep because the appointment was so sudden, and I had a lot of Japanese work to complete. Kept falling asleep in odd places all through today, and now that it's night, I'm wide awake again. Guuuuhhhh...

Then I made my way down to town to catch Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, sneak preview. Initially, I had just gone down there to try completing my unfinished Japanese homework, then the temptation grew too immense. Surprisingly few people in the cinema, but that was great by me :D

What can I say about the movie? I was overjoyed at seeing dear 'o Sparrow again. Some of the repeated gags were a little old, but there were enough new ones. I especially LOVE the chemistry between Sparrow and Swann this time round (was already squealing like an idiot, from the tiny sniplet of the trailer), good and bad sparks included XD It's quite amazing that they've got this going since the first film saw them as less than even platonic, and nothing more (even in the scenes cut from the theatrical release, that tried to develop Sparrow and Swann's relationship was barely scratching the surface). Kudos to Johnny and Keira! :o They made magic with their characters.

Another person who caught my eye was Jack Davenport (playing James Norrington). :O Dude, I almost felt sorry for his character (though I think he looked a lot more decent this time round XD).

... NOW GIMME PotC III PLEASE. D:< I wasn't displeased with Dead Man's Chest at all, but, but... ;_; I need to know what happens after.

Curious thought... would they ever asked Skeet Ulrich to play Jack Sparrow if Depp couldn't?

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 12th, 2006 (Wednesday) 01:27 a.m.
Feeling : >_<;

Dammit! I accidentally spoilt myself on the PotC II movie just now... Was intending to watch it on Thursday too. >_<;;; DAMN GRRRRR!!!!! *Bangs head so hard on table*

Though... the complete spoilers just make me want to watch the movie so MUCH MORE. I feel like sneaking out tomorrow to watch it on my own. >_< MUST RESIST.

On the hand, I got my grubby hands on the Pirates of the Caribbean I & II Original Soundtrack. Fweeee :D I recognize Hans Zimmer's style from Blood+, that's for sure.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 10th, 2006 (Monday) 02:34 p.m.
Feeling : Upset

うるさいうるさいうるさい！ ほっといてよ！ どれも
これもウルサイだつーの！

憤りに暴れないように、 必死に頑張っています。

なぜ涙なんかになるのか・・・？

ここから脱走しないと。

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 10th, 2006 (Monday) 06:07 a.m.
Feeling : Sleepy

あ～また怒らせられた。 今回はね、 クソ親父に商品 （アロマ
セラピーのボトルオイル） の準備していました。 液体をボトル
に入れ、 ボトルキャップを閉め、 ボトルにラベルを貼り付け、
一個づつ小さな箱を折り、 備えたボトルをその箱に入れる
ことした。

でまぁ、手助けをするのは構わなかった。 アニメの翻訳が済ん
だら母ちゃんとシティちゃん と弟ちゃんと一緒に作業した。 夕日
までな。 人数多かったおかげで結構楽しく進んだ。 話しなが
ら、作業した。

親父が帰ったら大騒ぎしてた、 シティの友達がちょっと手伝
いに来て、 のん気でやったせいでオイルを 一部のボトルにこ
ぼした。 だから親父が 「ラベルがこぼした オイルのせいでとり
やすいんで、 全てのラベルを取り、 ボトルを洗ってからまった
やり直せ！」 とか言ったくれた。

元々ラベルはそんなに 簡単に外せるじゃねぇか、 オイ。 とうか
そんなに軽く俺達の苦労 を無しに言うんじゃないよ！ 皆は
ずっと頑張ったのによ！ 怒っているけど、 これは誰一人のせ
いじゃない。 なのになんで怒りが感じるのか、 不思議に思っ
ている。

詳細なことをあの女性に言いたくはない。 彼女ならもっと憎
みの種を蒔くだろう。

I have to fucking get out of this shithole.

心配してちょっと友人と話した。 まぁ、 どっちの道を歩もうが
何を選ぼうが、 支えになりますよう～！

いとこと一緒に出かけた。 深夜の一時に近所の所へ行ったり、
座って話し合った。 偶然なことに彼の家庭にも不快な事情も
起こったらしい。 途中で妹が目を覚まして、 私が家出したとで
も思い付き、 メールを携帯まで送った。

Met 'cous, and he admitted being amazed at what good pictures I could take with my apparently low-end camera (I could tell he was having trouble believing I actually used it for all the pictures he's seen up till now XD)、especially with the latest hamster photograph. Well... I guess everyone would react that way... XD Just make use of whatever you've got at hand! ^.^; After all, I'm trying to prove that you don't need the latest gadgets to get nice results...

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 9th, 2006 (Sunday) 03:15 a.m.
Feeling : Uncomfortable

I think I just got my first real feel of a woman's ideal lifestyle.

A classmate from my Japanese class is going off to America to work, so our teacher decided to throw a farewell party for her at his friend's restaurant. All right... I don't know the rest of the class much, since most of them have been together for a while, so I went along, not wanting to be a spoil-sport, hoping to get to know them a little more, and perhaps finally be able to open up to them. The party was okay, everyone who showed up was female. Our sensei kept ordering, and since I hate, hate, HATE to waste food, I tried to finish as much as I could (but Sensei just kept ordering more, so understand that I left with my stomach aching, because I was so stuffed D:). Rest of the classmates went all amazed when I told them what I studied in Japan. Sensei's friend--a chef--came over a few times to join our conversations, but he only really sat down after most customers had left. All through the party, I was engaged in more... complex talk with Sensei and his friend. From cultures of countries, to geneology.

After a ton of sake, and a truckload of so-so Japanese food, Sensei and his friend convinced us to go watch a live band performing some jazz. Didn't really want to go at first, then gave in to a little persuasion. Sensei paid for all of us, even though we were told how much we were to chip in, even before going. Must've had too much fun with his sake...

Went to the jazz place in taxis, and I took the taxi with 2 other classmates, and Sensei's friend. We all talked and joked some, then a random "Hai" from me, replying a question of his, got him smiling pretty creepily, saying, "Aw, don't go saying things so cute" in Japanese. Nanu?! オイオイ、まさかロリコン？！ I became a little more wary after that.

At the pub (or what looked like it), listened to some quality music, and ended up sitting beside Sensei's friend. On one hand, the music was really loud so talking normally wouldn't work, but on the other, I didn't think he had to meow or bark into my ear like a playful kid, or keep putting his hand on my shoulder, or suddenly lean on me?! Well he might have been tipsy and stuff, but whatever. Had another round of drinks. I'm surprise I stayed sober.

We all left late, and Sensei suggested we all carpool in a taxi to go back. Ended up with the 2 other classmates and Sensei's friend again, and just before being dropped off, he mentioned how fun it was talking to me (o_o ignoring the other two girls) and asked me to call him/ go over to his restaurant again with Sensei because I'm such an 'interesting' person.

I could be this wary/ paranoid because he's such an openly friendly person, and you don't find many of them from Japan. Not to mention I really dislike physical contact with all but my family and VERY close friends. But I guess I can appreciate the fact that I was being taken for what I am on the inside, since my other classmates are beautiful people who could probably qualify as models, and I look a troll in comparison.

Oh, and Sensei + Sensei's friend paid for everything. I didn't spend a cent. Hence I guess I could consider this an ideal lifestyle by a woman. But I'm not a woman (biologically female at most). And feel pretty uncomfortable with the arrangement (even though I did have fun); it's like I suddenly owe someone now...

... ate too much... feeling sickly. Guuuhhhh

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 8th, 2006 (Saturday) 02:05 p.m.
Feeling : -_-

I just got what felt like a punch with a rusty spiked glove, in the side of my head. Which would feel a heck lot better than just being waved off.

That's a first.

分かろうとしないまま否定された。 新しい経験としは精神的,
な襲撃（ショック）を受けた。 頭を冷やすためシャワー浴びた
時、 よく考えみれば、 多分世界の誰でも 「非性愛」 の発想が
掴めづらいだろう。 不思議ですね・・・ 同性愛や両性愛とか
現在認められているのに、 非性愛はあり得ぬっと思う人は少
なくもない。 嘆かわしいことだ。

ありがとね。 本当にありがとうございますね。

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 7th, 2006 (Friday) 11:43 p.m.
Feeling : Tired

I was observing my hamsters last night, and freaked out when the brown one (Inari) mounted (or rather, tried to) Gohan D:<<<< Goddamn, I specifically ask for 2 female hamsters. The thought of a male one trying to mate with such a young female sent me in a bit of a rage; we had a female hamster that gave birth too young, and died during childbirth, so from then on, no more male hamsters. Was so annoyed that I couldn't sleep for a bit. Went back to that pet shop with the male and got a female brown one. -_- I hope Gohan hasn't sexually matured yet. If she is, then I hope she doesn't die during childbirth. Darn male. *sigh*

That's another name I'll have to think of for the new hamster...

Just saw Constantine. XD I was pretty, "Yeah, okay... it ain't so bad" at first, then the finger part made me so hoot obnoxiously. XD God, that was so priceless.

Kinda cute clip. ^^

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 5th, 2006 (Wednesday) 03:55 a.m.
Feeling : :o

Been getting to know my new hamsters a little more the past few days. And they've been named! Thanks to Mom and Sis. The white one's Gohan (Japanese for rice) since she looks like a piece of sushi, without the fish/ topping. The brown, hyperactive one, is Inari(zushi) since it looks like just that. XD I've got pictures coming up soon!

Also... I've never ever heard a hamster snore before, so this is a first. Inari snores! O_O Well, it sounds more like a series of soft, high squeaks, but still... XD I swear I lov/e these buggahs.

Been looking up a lot of reference material of late... and my room's getting a little full from it. oO Time to clean stuff up. And plenty of ideas in my head that need to get on paper. So much to do, such sort days...

One of my growing peeves is how people try to add me to their MSN list or something, without letting me know beforehand (come on, an email, or comment on LJ/ tagboard isn't that hard to send, is it? -_-). I don't know who the hell's trying to add me just by looking at some random email address, so assuming it's just a stranger, I block. So be forewarned. D: You want to add me on MSN, ask first. Or you will be blocked.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 2nd, 2006 (Sunday) 11:51 p.m.
Feeling : :O

Met up with good 'o Desmond again today. He was always harping about one of my mom's dishes (a certain noodle dish), so we finally got him over to have it, after his first taste of it 7 years ago. Went to get a new pair of hamsters, and felt shitty upon seeing rows and rows of exotic birds (grey parrots, macaws, white cockatoos, tucans) all being chained to some damn stand, or held up in cramped cages. I'll bet not even half of the birds held up in those horrific, filthy conditions, were brought in legally. What really broke my heart, was an albino crow, calling to me.

My cat was really excited when I came back with the new hamsters (a white one with a little gray, and a brown one with white undersides). She kept wanting to jump up on the counter where I was preparing the hamster's new home, and when I deliberately blocked her, so got annoyed, then let out an angry meow, and proceeded to try biting my foot. D: Jealous kitty! Bad! D: My poor feet.

Also, I let Desmond look at the various photographs I've taken. He said he could recommend me to another contact of his, looking for a photographer. Then he asked, what camera do you use for all these great pictures? XD I took my trusty Ricoh out, and he just gapped at the simplicity of it all. In the end, he was pretty excited to see what sort of pictures I'd take if I actually had a proper camera. So, he said he'd pass my number to that contact of his.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 2nd, 2006 12:41 p.m.
Feeling : Even

Our little meditating hamster; Konyaku (yes, that's his name) passed into the netherworld last evening. Not that we hadn't been expecting it; he was old and thinning. I was just setting up my lightbox next to his cage, and noticed him splayed out on the sawdust, with eyes wide open and still gleeming. His body was still soft and warm, so we knew he had died just a while before. Not distraught or anything, but still, I felt a little sad that we couldn't bury or cremate him, to return his body to nature immediately. Then again, all will eventually return to Nature anyway.

行ってらっしゃい、 コニャク君。 良い旅を・・・

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

July 2nd, 2006 (Sunday) 03:08 a.m.
Feeling : Sick

Tsk. Lost control of myself last night; over an issue I cannot ignore, or stay calm talking about. Vision grew very shaky, and dark. Mind threatened to black out dangerously, and rage very very nearly took hold. Must not let this happen again. Now is not the time. Next time, walk away. The headache that comes after it isn't worth it either.

I'm not one for children, but hearing people say they want to raise their kids to be this or that makes me very sad. Worse still if it's said by those who complain about their own parents trying to mould them. Children are not dress-me-up dolls or chunks of playdough. They're beings of free will. They may be of your flesh and blood, but they are not YOUR THINGS. They are individual, living beings. Sure, teach them the rules of society, and the basic things, but leave them to mature into their own persons. Don't go saying, "I want to raise my kid to be a businessman/ writer/ model/etc" because that's a fucking lame reason to have a kid in the first place. That's like being all regretful you didn't achieve blahblahblah with your life, and making your kid do it for you. How sweet.

Must exert more self-control.

Also was doing that sample piece for the company. This is when the advantages of livng with family presented themselves. Sister = model. Other family members = provide opinions. I'm rather pleased with the results (though I took quite a while to get it right; like half a day)

>_< I've got a flipping headache again. Ow.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~