B l a c k F e a t h e r s , v 4 .1
Picturelesque

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August 29th, 2006 (Tuesday) 04:38 a.m.
Feeling : Sleepy

I'm amused... my brother commented that I was like my father in the sense that I didn't believe in spirits or ghosts. o_O My dear little brother, you don't know me well, it seems. Sure, I DO believe in spirits and ghosts. But I choose to ignore them. Completely. Even though I may hear strange infra and ulta sounds that have no real plausible source, I choose to ignore it. Even though I get chills down my back, and eerie feelings of unease during the middle of the night, I wave it all off. Reason being that I don't see I reason why I should do otherwise. If any spirit needed something from me, I expect a less subtle sign.

Went out with Joyce today and had the fresh sushi I've been craving for days on end. :o~ Got myself a spyglass too! ^__^ For some odd reason, the store owner seemed somewhat desperate to sell it to me... perhaps it's because Singaporeans being Singaporeans, mostly don't appreciate this sort of thing. I don't collect junk, however. All of what I buy has some practical value to it (like antique stuff that actually works). Store owner gave me a 20% discount, and threw in a box since the spyglass didn't originally come with one. Anyway, had a relatively fun time and spent less than I thought I would.

Oh yeah, and helped some lady walk up a slope. Joyce and I were headed to our usual hang-out when this limping woman in casts, bandages and god-knows-what asked for assistance. She was injured or something, and I don't know why she was out there walking all on her own, but she insisted that she would be fine alone after I helped her get up the slope. Okaaaaay lady... :/ Felt kinda bad leaving her to negotiate the long road ahead alone... Then some way down the same street, we came upon this accident scene between a small white car and a truck. Some lady was in shock and being helped by some paramedics, while the police where trying to get the mangled car (:o the whole bonnet was smashed in) and truck (the entire windshield had just... popped out clean) off the road. What an odd day...

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 26th, 2006 (Saturday) 09:20 p.m.
Feeling : Hmm

I was afflicted with a terrible syndrome this evening that I never thought I'd have the unwanted pleasure of ever experiencing.

In our local tongue, we called it, "SIANzation".

What is it, translated to English, would be something close to being bored (though not exactly), with a sudden and accute disappreciation for life in general, whammied together with the unusually surreal feeling that your very soul and mind will rot away into retarded, and very real oblivion. The feeling may strike anyone at anytime, regardless of if they are free, or busy (hence it is different from being bored), and may usually only be dispelled by the occurance of an extreme or unusual situation.

Indeed, I was on the floor of my brother's room, just laying there writhing, wishing I no longer existed. Then hunger came in, and the SIANzation went away after an excruciating couple of hours. Thank god. I don't think I would've made it through much longer. I've never felt that way before, and it still confuses me as to why I did, since I've got plenty of things to do. Still, I wanted something to happen. Good or bad, I didn't really care. Just something to snap me away from the dready grind of daily life, and reality on a whole.

I shall turn in earlier tonight in hopes of retreating into the far more interesting world of dreams.

"Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not
know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend,
a new love, a new country."
- Anaïs Nin (1903 - 1977)

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 26th, 2006 (Saturday) 01:40 p.m.
Feeling : Sleepy

Hmmm... I just remembered that the other day, I had a dream of being attacked by beluga whales. Nothing very serious as if they were just trying to play with me, but uhh... they're toothes whales. So, clamping down on my thigh wasn't something very fun to me. I wonder why they were swimming in a swimming pool though...

Today, however, I had a way weirder dream. This time two Gods were fighting over Earth, over an extended period of time. People were mostly divided over which one to give their support to since both had a different philosophy on how the planet should be run. Due to some sequence of events that I can't really recall at the moment, I ended up the consultant of one of them, going around gathering info, undercover. It kinda revealed that there was a network of spies for the other God, extorting money and threatening the ordinary folk. Both were apparently looking for some all-powerful artifact that had been lost to Man ages before, and I was to help look for it (fine, I've got to do all the dirty work). Eventually after running around and tracing which little girl owned the item (I think it was some book), I managed to barter something for it. Though by the time I wanted to get back to whichever God I carried the errand for, he was dead, and I was suddenly made to assume his position (think auto-enpowerment oO).

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 24th, 2006 (Thursday) 06:03 p.m.
Feeling : Fucking annoyed.

Someone really must be trying to tell me something... while walking home yesterday night, ran into two female cats within a span of 5 minutes, and they rubbed themselves against me, circling and circling, and wouldn't let me go. Cute~

Also, I think shiruba-san's philosophy is something I should adopt:

[silverfire] whatever it is, just do what you feel is right D:
[silverfire] no point in life if you're just going to put yourself through suffering
[silverfire] unless theres a purpose behind the suffering
[silverfire] like say... college ._.

Excuse the vulgarity for a bit, I'm understandably pissed off. I just found rocks in my room, thrown in from downstairs. Had I not been in my brother's room napping, I would've well been hit by one of those. Fucking idiot. I'm gonna find out who that little swinefucker is, and give his little gifts right back at him, and maybe snap a picture just to commemorate the occasion, then send it in to the cops just to make a point that one shouldn't bloody hell THROW ROCKS IN ANOTHER'S HOME.

...

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 22nd, 2006 (Tuesday) 11:16 p.m.
Feeling : Tired

Gee... whoa. It's a been a rollercoaster 2 days...

Yesterday, went out to meet the lady who was searching for an illustrator to do pictures for educational material, and brought my portfolio along. Now, my portfolio consists of creature/monster designs, still-life, scenery, character and most of all, animal studies. The lady was, to say the least, very impressed because according to her, not many people could draw animals so accurately (well what do you expect, I've been doing animals since I was 2) and said my skills in this field would contribute greatly to the type of material she wanted to get me to do; science and geography material (which I just so happen to love a lot). However, looking at my qualifications and stuff, she was a tad afraid that I was somewhat overqualified since this job paid a lot less than if an interactive media one. Then again, I'm one who's more for traditional media than computers, so I agreed somewhat lukewarmly to try the job out a little on Wednesday. Also note that although it was a freelance one, it was to be contract-based and seen through till the end of the project (December).

But after the session, though I was complimented and assured that I had the skills, I sank into a bit of depression... I don't even know why I did. Maybe, just maybe it's because I felt I would be going nowhere if I stayed here commited to a job. Maybe it's because I felt that I had no real goal to work for. I don't know. Either way I felt shitty though I knew I shouldn't have been. The prospect of doing screenplay did play a part as a bummer... I mean, staying in Singapore writing fantasy screenplays? DREAM ON. Going over to America to do that? Oh yeah. For the first time I actually felt I wanted to hop over to that weirdo country.

So I went to bed depressed somewhat and confused. I didn't really want to head down to the next interview at the Japanese job agency.

---

The next morning, I woke up early to prepare for the interview. Breakfast was... tensed. Understandable since Mom and Dad were in the same area together. Usually it's the uncomfortable silence that we're all used to. But this morning, Dad wanted Mom to sign some document to declare payment for the apartment from one of her bank accounts. I won't go into too much detail here, but basically, she wasn't too happy even though she agreed to fork out some money before since she needed at least some cash to keep up her insurance. I listened. I dotted. I retired to my room annoyed after some ritually woeing and nagging on Mom's part. After that I found out Dad intended to move the family yet AGAIN despite not being able to pay for the damn place, or keep up monthly rent to any tenant. That point, I KNEW I had to effing get out of here. How the fuck am I supposed to build my own life with all this goddamn unecessary shifting?

Anyway, I left the house in a foul mood for the interview. I had been so stressed up by matters that I even forgot to take down the address of the place. =_= Managed to call back Mom and get the info somehow...

I wasn't expecting to be interviewed by 3 lcoal guys at first, asking me technical stuff like what kind of work I was aiming for and all other formalities. One asked, "Are you comfortable with working in the service industry?" To which I replied, "No... I don't really want to." And got a, "I thought so." from him. XD Wait, it shows that I don't like that kinda work? Anyway, another of em spoke to me in Japanese just to test if I really could manage it or not. Then, they left and 2 Japanese ladies came in to interview me next (... why so many people?). These two were a lot easier to talk to than the guys, though all conversation was in Japanese. I could make jokes and poke fun at local issues with them just fine. In fact, at one point, the senior of the two was saying, 「<おいらの名>、あなたは日本人？」 (", are you Japanese?") XD. Told them I wanted to land a translating job in Japan. They were so impressed with me for some obscure reason, that they called in their top person in just to meet me. :O I told her where I really wanted to be, and she advised me some, and let's just say I'm feeling like my chances of getting out of here appear much greater now. The interview was a shocking success. I had fun even!

Also, all through today, I've been seeing a variety of birds. Nevermind the common species, but I spotted a parent black-naped oriole feeding its demanding almost-mature chick, a whole procession of Javanese white-vented mynahs staring at me (creeeeepy), a white-bellied sea eagle soaring, and even a pied fantail that flew up from behind and perched on a fence in front of me! I've never seen the last specie here before... Someone must be trying to tell me something today because all these rare birds aside (aside from the curious mynahs), I also saw a particularly beautiful lemon emigrant (butterfly) fluttering outside while I was on the bus (another species that I've never encountered till this afternoon).

---

So anyway, since I was feeling so depressed about the illustration job and didn't want to be commited for the next 4 months in case I get a better deal, I contacted the lady and turned down the offer. I'm glad she was pretty understanding, saying that whenever I wanted to, I could contact her and she'd see what work I could do for her.

PS: Seeing an ex-classmate as an actor on TV as some sort of gangster just now made me double over in shock and gag.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 21st, 2006 (Monday) 02:42 p.m.
Feeling : :o

Wow... it feels special when someone you deem so knowledgable in films and stories actual compliments one of your own stories and encourages you to make a book/ screenplay outta it. Even commenting that it sounds better than a currently popular book/ film...

Also, I had yet another dream...

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o_O Was on a vacation with the family, visiting a mountainous area that sort of reminded me of those limestone cliffs of China. Dad was being unusually adventurous and we went to some reigon where the most indigenous people were fierce warriors and were mostly killed off by the army of some random dynasty... I kinda lapsed into a trance and recalled my previous life which had to do with the place...

I think I had been some sort of male foot soldier under the dynasty's rule, sent to invade and subdue the warrior race, was one of those frontlines guys (in other words, dispensible XD) and clashed with the warrior people head on before going back to regroup the second morning of something... I had a bunch of close friends, and all of us were quite ready to die for our dynasty's cause, discussing fighting tactics and minor strategies over the campfire the night before. The next day, our army and the warrior army were kinda standoff-ish, and finally clashed head on in one of those movie-like settings (too huge waves going at each other). Let's see, just to list the amount of fatal injuries I had sustained: a spear through my side, several slashes over the arms, chest and face, plus a little stabbing here and there. o_O Obviously, I wasn't making it home. Then some volcano of sorts that I never noticed in the area kinda just blew its top and the pyroclastic flow that ensued just killed and buried everyone else in the area... The two groups pretty much knew we were all doomed when we saw the cloud of ash and gasses approaching, but we continued on fighting nonethessless. I find it a logic hard to understand myself, but rather than animosity as enemies, we were engaged in a mutual battle between equal peoples, trying to best one another as warriors, even if that meant dying. Sounds stupid now, but as a foot soldier, it made perfect sense. Riiiight. Not to mention I was pretty much dying from my injuries already so the pyroclastic flow looked like a relief.

So right, back to the present, I snapped outta my trace-like state and stood in awe of the place. It was almost a ghost-town with impoverished people still in the area trying to scrap out a living of sorts. Apparently the women and children of the warrior race had been evacuted before the fighting started, and returned to the land after the volcano stopped throwing a fit like some destructive mother wanting her children to quite fighting. The bodies of the foot soldiers and warriors alike were buried in the soil with ash and whatnot, providing the area with lush land to grow crops in. According to the locals, the emporer of the dynasty that tried to invade the land took the volcano eruption as a sign that he should stay off, and never sent any offensive forces to the reigon again. Still, it was a little sad to see how hard the locals were trying to survive. They had a little museum and stuff documenting that period of time, but that was about it; it was just a regular village now.

After a while, we decided to go off somewhere else... I was wondering where the locals kept their livestock since I hadn't seen any around, and Dad said they let their livestock loose on some other mountaintop. I wanted to go see, despite it being dangerous to get to, so that was our next destination.

---

And that's the end of the dream. Maybe I'll carry on dreaming of cows on mountaintops later. o_O

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 21st, 2006 (Monday) 12:16 a.m.
Feeling : Tired

Been very busy, rushing to complete that comic thing... just sent out the first completed version for evaluation and stuff... It's going to be a busy week too... I hope the guy doesn't have me change too much of the comic content... =_=' Also very very VERY nearly overwrote the original Photoshop file with a resized version due to my own incompetence. Good thing I noticed it in time before the damage became irreversible...

これからも気をつけましょう・・・

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 19th, 2006 (Saturday) 09:07 p.m.
Feeling : :D

Oh yes, I forgot to add this... the store owners of those antique shops mentioned that if I wanted a specfic item, I could tell them and they'd try to get it for me. Cool people. :D

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 19th, 2006 (Saturday) 08:51 p.m.
Feeling : :D:D:D:D

:D I went out with lil Sis today to some antique shops. And got myself a brass/ glass hanging pocket-watch sort of... watch for hanging in ships or other heavy-duty environments, powered by winding, and a pocket brass compass complete with a mini sundial. Nevermind the price, I feel happy. XD To note, the owners of both shops I went to were very impressed on what I knew on the various antiques, among a few of which they weren't even sure of. One store owner even asked if I was in the shipping industry. o_O Why would anyone in modern shipping know about antiques?

I did manage to find a geniune sextant that was saved from being scrapped with the ship it served in, but heck, that was huge and looked more than what I could afford. Next on the wishlist, a antique telescope. :D

In other news, we were really intrigued with this odd toilet sink with a fishtank built into its bottom.

------

Came back and took a nap, then had this really vivid, and weird dream of a weird creature that just strolled into our house. It was a vicious-looking lizard-like animal the size of a domestic, with a bird-like beak, and green wings that somewhat reminded me of lettuce (lol?!), and had two little kids beside her (was a female, I'm sure of it, but I sure don't know how the hell I knew since the reptilian anatomy is somewhat... hidden). I had discovered it in the bathroom that I usually shower in, and was bowled over at the creature... nothing like I had ever seen before, and the thought, "dragon" did pop into my head once, but didn't stick, since I was fussing at where to put the three so they wouldn't wander about the house carelessly and accidentally get in His Majesty's (my old man's) way. All the while, the rest of my family didn't seem very impressed with the fact that the little guys wasn't anything of the animal kingdom we're familiar with. So while I was fussing my head, everyone else was just... watching TV. o_O In the end, I carried the Moma mini-dragon into my room just for safekeeping since Dad was going to come back home. She was surprisingly gentle and calm, despite her fearsome looks. Oh yes, I wanted to take pictures of her and her kids, but the camera refused to cooperate, for some reason. Then, my lil Sis woke me up from the dream...

------

Cool dream...

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 18th, 2006 (Friday) 11:09 p.m.
Feeling : Surprised

So, during the middle of dinner, Mom got a call from her friend, asking me if I was interested in some sort of illustration project. Sure, I could use all the opportunties out there right now. 2 minutes later, I got a call from the lady looking for illustrators, and in 8 minutes, we had decided to meet up and discuss things.

Woo... I'm going to have a busy week...

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 18th, 2006 (Friday) 05:04 p.m.
Feeling : :O

Let's see... I did manage to fall asleep again after all. And had a pretty absurd dream.

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First off, I was on vacation in some remote area of Japan, alone (though all along, I was expecting Joyce to pop in somewhere, she didn't) and my ryokan was located in the mountains near the sea. It was cool... The facility was so huge, we had to take trams to get from building to building. My room was on some 8th floor. Anyway, customers had been warned not to stay out after dark for some reason, and I was RUNNING to reach indoors before that happened, and somehow managed to lose my bag along the way.

The next part gets fuzzy. oO Suddenly there was some kind of exodus that I was directing. Apparently all the women there were under some big threat (I forgot what the hell it was) and I had to evacuate all of them onto a waiting Black Pearl that had dropped anchor not too far from shore. Managed to get everyone into the small boat and we sped off with the power of the diseal engine (lol). Jack Sparrow was aboard (duh, what would the Black Pearl be without her captain?) and Will Turner joined us in another boat (motorized XD) a little later. As if that wasn't weird enough already, I was acting the role of first mate, giving him a complete report and stuff. Both of us were watching, really amused as the women boarded in all sorts of awkward manners, dropping handbags, highheels, tripping over gowns and whatnot. As we set off, Will was trying to navigate the Pearl straight into the headwind, by side-winding to somewhat lukewarm success. Jack came along and managed something a lot better, and I distinctly remember how the captain instructed with way to sail against the wind for the best effect. XD Elizabeth was nowhere to be found, and I can only guess that Will was out searching for her. We were headed for Indonesia to dump the ladies and get a proper crew. In the meantime, though, with only Jack, Will and me the only ones who had any real idea how to sail, we had a heck lot of trouble directing the women to maintain the rigging and sails, while trying to see most through the initial sea-sickness.

If bringing a woman out to sea is considered bad luck, then a whole crew was far worse in the dream. =_=; Politics, complaints, and general sea-unworthiness plagued our journey.

Somewhere along the way, we found sailing with the women too much of a bother, and acquired a whale to pull us along. (... HUH?!)

Eventually, we stopped off at some remote Philipine island to get supplies, the captain said everyone well, almost everyone could go off to get some rest and relaxation, but had to return by some specific time or be left behind. I don't know why everyone left the Pearl alone, but in any case, I was at the port getting food and water supplies ready. Then word came that the Pearl had been discovered (we had brought her into a large cave for hiding) and apparently was being held as the greatest find in of the century or something, since she was a Spanish galleon that was intact and whatnot, much to the dismay of the captain. The rest of the crew regrouped to hatch a plan to get her out of the hands of the archeologists and media, etc.

I can't quite remember the plan at the moment, but I do remember that it was pretty much brash and risky, as all thing Jack Sparrow would indicate. Will and him would take the Pearl, while I would capture another ship as backup or something to host the rest of the crew just in case. The ship I got was... weirddddd. It looked like a sail-powered modern tall ship with full rigging , but was a heck lot smaller than anything I'd ever seen in the dream, and was raw blue (like the color of default, unclicked links...) and had a hull shaped more to a leisure sailing vessel more than a commercial ship. Better still, it only had one deck. O_o; If it did have any decks below, it sure wasn't showing us an entrance. We were on it, making our way around the cave where the Pearl had originally been left, waiting for the captain to retrieve her. PS: Apparently I had directed all activity on the blue ship well enough to maneuver it to the proper positioning. :O Amazing. There was a hell lot of noise from within the cave, not gunshots, more of a sick sort of creeking, tension then snap. When the Pearl emerged, my heart nearly broke upon seeing her foremast and mainmast snapped clean right down the middle, with rigging and torn sails about. God knows how she even moved out at all (... that said, how the hell did we manage to get her past the sheltered cove where our whale couldn't enter, into the cave where no wind exists to propel a sailing vessel?!). In any case, the captain and Will were beat up a little, but fine in any case, and our blue ship joined the Pearl, setting off again out to sea.

----

It should be noted that I woke up feeling VERY groggy. D: And I still do. Couldn't walk straight for the first 15 minutes.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 18th, 2006 (Friday) 11:27 a.m.
Feeling : Weirded

Dude. D: I had signed up to this Japanese job site last night, and this morning at 11am, one of the staff called me. >_<;; I'm usually Zzz-ing at 11am, so I was reasonably confused and befuddled over the phone. Especially when, just after speaking 2 somewhat very confused lines of Japanese (I didn't know who the heck the lady was), I was told my Japanese was very good (probably considering I'm not Japanese but sound like one with the correct accent and all). So, yeah, after a confusing morning, I'm up for an interview at a job agency. o_O

>_<; And I can't go back to sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 18th, 2006 (Friday) 03:14 a.m.
Feeling : Content

I had a great time today with Joyce. Walked around, tried to order The Story of Sail from the largest bookstore here but they said the publisher wasn't sending out anymore (phooey), talked, cleared up some things I've been putting off for a while, walked in the blazing hot sun for quite some distance, and felt surprisingly cool as a cucumber, went through more books, talked things out and stuff, then headed down to a real Japanese bar to have dinner. It was a perfect day, like I was at peace with the Universe or something. Negative things still happened, but hey, I waved them off. oO

Last night, and Mom comes in at 3am, claiming that she drank capucino instead of hot chocolate, and now can't sleep. Then she proceeded to tell me how amused she was just now because some scene in Bad Boys 2 showed the two main characters digging their hands into corpses to find something... She was even enacting it out with sound, complimented with a rather psychotic smile and laugh. At the end of it, she was so amused again, she was nearly tearing. D: Oh god, now I know where my sadistic side comes from, and I'm getting scared.

- 30 minutes later -

I'm hearing Mom laughing fro inside her room, watching TV. God knows what the heck is on now, and I don't want to find out either... o_o;

Also, while I was eating dinner at Yoshinoya the other day, I heard one of the staff greeting someone with this:

店員さん： いらっしゃいません

XD I almost choked on my food.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 17th, 2006 (Thursday) 02:36 a.m.
Feeling : Hmmmm

My Mom came into my room at 6am, hugging a blanket, scratching herself like a monkey. HUH.

色々と考えていました・・・ 男とはやはり辛いなぁ。
うちの父男として社会、 家族、 親戚とかの期待
に応えざるおえないのだ。 アジアの社会では家族
を持つ男性ならきちんと 家の稼ぎ手を勤めないと
家族が崩れかける という考え方も珍しくない。

私の父の場合では、 昔稼ぎがなかなか良いかげ
て私達三人子供は娯楽な環境で育てられた。
お金の問題は全くなかった。 で、この十年で父の
会社が崩れて、 稼ぎも段々少なくなった。そこで、
母も山ほど不満や文句 を抱いて父を責めてい
るとばかりにすごしてきた。

私は父を責めたくない。 これは絶対彼のせいじゃない！

父は多分苦しんでいる。 彼はプライドの高い男だ
から、家族をちゃんと支えれる 誇りを持っているだろ
う。稼ぎができなくなった 彼は恐らく自分が失敗だ
と見做し、絶望に落ちた。 現在のところ、父は家
にいる間ずっと自分の 部屋に引きこもり、あまり私
達に顔合わさないの。 何かが恥ずかしいようで行
動する。それに、 妙に気使ってるし・・・

本当にかわいそうよ、 父は・・・

The world is my country, its inhabitants are my kin, music is my language, and Nature is my Goddess. That is my philosophy.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 15th, 2006 (Tuesday) 03:36 a.m.
Feeling : =_=

I'm beginning to find the general outlook of people here very distasteful. Even more distasteful than I used to think. I was talking to an ex-classmate and was asked what I was doing at the moment (in terms of job things). Said I had been freelancing so far and was met with somewhat of a disapproval at all things freelance. The reason being that a stable, full-time job reels in a steadier supply of money... I don't disagree with that, but am usually met with very confused expressions of shock or disbelief when I tell people I want to place my own personal happiness over monetary issues. It seems as if the people here have the mindset that if one has lots of green pieces of paper, all problems will whisk themselves away, then happiness can be fulfilled.

Which is an idea I want to barf lunch and dinner out at. The local media with their money-making = happiness movies and shows do not help either. It fills me with much sadness to see that most of this country's people are so... materialistic (cannot find a better word now). Even Japanese, I felt, realize the importance of personal happiness a little better than Singaporeans, even if they don't necessarily live it.

Not to say that I completely disregard money. I wish I could. But it is, unfortunately needed to get around in human society at this stage. I just don't think that it should be made the center of one's entire life. Like food. Necessary, but one shouldn't live to eat, but eat to live.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 13th, 2006 (Sunday) 05:03 p.m.
Feeling : Hmmm

I wonder if it's normal to be so greedy for information on the world around me? Right about everyone knows how much of a documentary geek I am, and only when I realize how much I see compared to anything else of other content do I find how knowledge hungry I really am. I can practically nerd out on Wikipedia and all sites connected to it for hours on end and still be unwilling to tear away from all the tasty bits of information.

Perhaps it's just a burning desire to understand how the natural world around me works. The curiousity also extends into man-made elements, though not as much since how most homosapiens act and behave is already illogical on a whole, much less the inventions they've pioneered. While many things remain pretty much only speculated, it's a fact that Nature has power more than any amount of WMDs or mere human knowledge can overcome. I think it a humbling experience to witness the raw force of the planet's workings and realize we are nothing to stand in its way, and that it will surpass our own existance and continue to function through the ages, whether or not humans live or go extinct. That we are fools to assume we know enough to manipulate the force that give us life, that we can simply exploit it however much we like without suffering reprecussions.

That said, I've absolutely no interest in human politics and religion. I suppose you could call it a personal bias. Though these factors are a fundamental part of a social animal such as humans, homospaiens have evolved (or de-evolved) to the point these things are as ever-changing and illogical as the inner mind of a repressed child, so whatever's said about it would fluctuate between truth and lie. But no thank you. I want to focus on the bigger picture. Trivial matters like wars and pettiness should not be put into consideration when on the quest for neutral knowledge.

"In nature there are neither rewards nor
punishments -- there are consequences."
- Robert G. Ingersoll (1833- 1899)

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 13th, 2006 (Sunday) 02:59 a.m.
Feeling : Hmm

This is exactly what plunged me into depression, and ultimately is making look for something MORE in life than just the same job for the rest of my boring life.

I suppose, what I fear is monotony in my life and 'career'. While many may argue that a good stable job is all they could ask for, I beg to differ. Used to think that I would be happy as an animator for the rest of my life, then the thought of sitting in front of a lightbox/ computer wasting away for the next few decades scared me. Passion will pull me through, I thought. But no. Eventually, the monotony of it would cause me to hate what I initially loved. And ultimately, I can see myself start to self-destruct from the inside out. I have not touched any animation process since I finished that god-forsaken final project in Japan, and I feel absolutely no compulsion to. EVER AGAIN.

However, with the dying of this one passion, came a rising of other interests. It's like a whole set of other paths that I ignored have now been lit. Time to explore the world beyond. Time to enrich myself. Time to live.

"Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire."
- Margaret Mead

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 11th, 2006 (Friday) 04:39 p.m.
Feeling : Thoughtful

Regarding the terror clampdown in the U.K.I think it is pretty easy for anyone to condemn any one race of people for the latest terror attempt. However, deep in the fundamentals of it, should we not also question ourselves on a whole, as one of the same species as these 'monsters'? Why are such people, the very same as ourselves capable of doing such? No, I feel that this is a question that demands answers that lie deeper than just one's skin colour, language, beliefs, or God. A reminder that we are all the same; just as able as them to do such things given the right circumstances. Raging war on another country, and bombing up a building... no difference in principle, regardless of whatever reasons fuel such actions; we are all capable of it.

... just some food for thought. I for one, know that given the right motivatation, I can and will do extreme things. Fortunately the more stable side's in the driver's seat for now. Who knows? I could very well be scheming a plan to blow up the world for some obscure reason, unknown to everyone who knows and thinks me a nice and normal person; capable of feeling compassion, anger, joy, sadness and what-have-you.

Anyway, back to the non-serious stuff. Leopard looks like one really sweet platform. Number one thing I like about its new features so far? TIME MACHINE. :D I guess I'll just have to wait patiently when it's released to start ogling over Macintoshs again.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 10th, 2006 (Thursday) 04:01 p.m.
Feeling : : /

Was watching a documentary on Discovery and was a little shocked to find out that Singapore processes a quarter of the world's shipping freight, and processes half the world's crude oil.

Whut?!

... The fact's been kept reaaaaally well from the civilians. oO;

Also... took this Yuugi-Ou quiz, and though it's really long (and pretty good in my opinion), I STILL get Yami-Bakura. D: This is getting predictable.

Cunning, intent, mocking. There is nothing that you care for more than yourself, and other people are only important so long as they are useful to you. Without that use, you have no interest in anyone else, regarding them as complete non-entities, not worthy of any form of your attention. Any "protectiveness" you could ever show anyone else would be entirely selfishly oriented, keeping them safe so that they can provide something for you. Very cold and ruthless, nothing matters more to you than accomplishing your ideals. However, you have something of a sadistically playful mind, and when you can be entertained as well as gain power... well, you'd not pass on the opportunity. If anyone does try to interfere with you, you would have no qualms about getting rid of them, and amusing yourself at the same time, perhaps, if you have a spare moment. Rather intelligent, you're skilled at mind games, and have a gift for causing terror and uncertainty in others. You adore mental trickery, but are surprisingly honorable otherwise. It's no fun to win through blatant cheating, since resorting to it is the same as saying that you couldn't win without it. This isn't to be mistaken for having any real morality, however; it's simply that your ego wouldn't take resorting to a coward's level. Twisting circumstances is perfectly fair, however, to obtain a favorable position. You also seem to have a very high tolerance to physical pain, and likely enjoy it on some level. An excellent actor, you're good at pretending to be kinder, softer than you are - almost to the point of being a completely different person. Despite your cruel and heartless nature, you're very patient, and do not let momentary setbacks get to you. And setbacks you do seem to run into, quite a bit. Much to your enemies' frustration, they never stop you for long. You also just won't die. But after all, Darkness is eternal. Which Yuugiou Character Are You? quiz created by siren Pretended Indifference

¬¬; Now, although it's astonishingly accurate and all, the last bit makes me sound like some sort of cockroach.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 9th, 2006 (Wednesday) 06:10 p.m.
Feeling : Content

For anyone who's lost on this 'EM' person I mentioned a few posts back, EM is a person I knew during my time in Japan (EM isn't a local) whom I believe, if not God, is what "God" should be. A person, a creature that is no different from any other; imperfect, mortal, of flesh and blood. But exuding an aura of love that seemed so innocent, so pure, so unbiased. I felt like a child again just being in EM's pressence. Like seeing a little bird passing through the countryside on its way to somewhere bringing spring to the land, my encounter with EM was brief and fleet, but it has definitely changed me.

Been busy with the comic project of late... Having no experience what-so-ever in comic/manga layout and such gave me a particularly frustrating time, but he liked the rough layout that I sent anyway. Okay then... *cracks knuckles* Time to work. He complimented my work, but sheesh... I still feel a lack of confidence. oO

Happy 41st birthday Singapore. The your first Prime Minister is Peranakan flipped me off my chair last night. XD I see the inability to speak Mandarin for most Perankans is a lingering trait... *looks at rest of extended family amused*

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 8th, 2006 (Tuesday) 01:00 a.m.
Feeling : :o

Thanks to Quex-dono, my wishlist is getting longer and longer. XD

Been more or less staying at home for about the entire week or more so went out to get some manga with Joyce. My feet kinda felt the stress of not exercising for so long. Dammit. Found this really nice antique store were I laid eyes on a sextant and fell in love with it immediately. <3

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 7th, 2006 (Monday) 04:48 a.m.
Feeling : Happy

By the way people, I will NOT be announcing the link to my new blog here for privacy's sake. If you're a friend of my Livejournal account, don't worry; I'll be putting the link up there under a Friends-Only post. If not, please give me an email at sycia_iora at hotmail dot com, or just leave your email addy in the tag-board on your left, so I can email the link to you when the move is ready.

I'm coming to the conclusions that all local dramas start with someone, ANYONE, getting angry, then proceeding into angst (emo), then a happy ending. It's all the same effing structure no matter which drama series or movie I turn to. =_=; I really wonder how people watch this stuff over and over and over again.

My two lovely hampstars are getting along so well now. ^____^ They used to fight a lot, but I think they've more or less agreed on who's the top rodent. Gohan, widdle winter white Russian dwarf hampstar is the less agressive one, but heck, she is hella intelligent with such a sweet temperament ^_^. Inari, a roborovski hampstar is a fast little buggah, is the more aggressive one that I can't play with since she just LEAPS outta my hand the moment I catch her. She's really comical to watch though XD...

So yeah, the two were really bad together at first... They'd fight and squabble plenty, but I wanted to see if they'd finally get along with time. And they did. I'm so proud of the darlings. T^T Two separate species of dwarf hampstars of such opposite personalities co-existing in harmony; they sleep, exercise and even feed together now! T^T I'm such a proud mommay! The occasional petty argument is present, but everything's resolved after 2 seconds. ;_; *tears of joy*

The best thing, is that ALL other hampstars my family has had in the past have ALWAYS bitten us, but these two babies that I've been raising on my own are so gentle, it melts my heart. *sniff* Gohan does give a curious niddle or lick (on my nose XD) sometimes, but she's a good girl. XD

"There is no pride in slaying soldiers. Nor is there justice in
butchering civilians. Neither is there honour in slaughtering
children. Only peace can bring back humanity."
- cuperix, Deviantart

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 5th, 2006 (Saturday) 02:25 p.m.
Feeling : o_O

Okay, this time, another dream of sailing, except this time, I was with a group of tennis enthusiasts. Who were intent on competing on all the world's beaches... And I was just part of the bunch that had to get them to the locations... Was the weather consultant; an expert in making use of trade winds, avoiding storms, and picking the right seasons. oO Halfway along the way the dream somewhat evolved into us being stranded on a beach because the waters were being patrolled by vicious swordfish (Legend of Tanah Merah?!) and sea dragons. We sure couldn't get to our ship via our small boat, so we all started setting up these HUGE spears on the beach facing the sea at an angle during low tide so them swordfish would spear themselves on them in an attempt to get at us. It seemed an unpleasant idea at first, but whatever... we were going to get lots of swordfish to BBQ when the tide turned. XD Oh yes, and somewhere along the way, I accquired a dragon in the form of a cat (huh). No one else wanted it having thought it just an ordinary cat, so I took care of the fella and gave it a share in the fish flesh :q~ After that it talked to me and told me that it was actually a dragon... Okaaaaay.

So yeah... I was at the computer for nearly 13 hours straight yesterday, trying to figure out XHTML and PHP, having knowledge in only HTML and CSS. D: That wasn't fun... but the feeling of having understood something, and managing to solve problems on your own is great.

What was it all for? I'm going to be moving blogs. See, this blog used to be a way for my family to keep up with what I was up to when I was away for 3 years. But now, since I'm living with them, it's getting to the point I have to hide / pick my words carefully when writing of them at all. So, I'll be moving to another one while this one will remain dormant. The move will probably be in mid-August or early September, as I tweak, test and bash things around. Hopefully it'll withstand the test.

"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament."
- Florence Roe Kennedy (1916 - )

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 4th, 2006 (FridaY) 03:57 a.m.
Feeling : :O

I was looking through the load of family photographs today with Mom. It's really fun doing so with someone who knows the stories behind each and every shot. XD Some dated as early as the 1940s! :O I was so surprised that I decided to scan a few (20, actually) in, and will be posting them up at my picture-blog one at a time. ^_^

I think this picture pretty much sums up in a nutshell how hilarious this goddamn war is.

Does anyone have a larger picture of this so I can print it out and scatter it around?

Spread the word people, spread the word.

"a life? cant you just download one?"
- Luminare

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 3rd, 2006 (Thursday) 02:37 p.m.
Feeling : XD

Ooooookay... This time I dream of dwarf hamsters having politics. Riiiiiight... Gohan and Inari were in of course, and they were deciding who gets this little male hamster... Errr, right. It was like Watership Down, dwarf hamster version.

This is something I found pretty hilarious. Taken from here.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

---------------

Number (3) hits home. Since I once went to a Church and pretended to speak in tongue (was actually babbling nonsense) and had the entire group excited. Sheesh.

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 3rd, 2006 (Thursday) 02:53 a.m.
Feeling : ^_^

Ah, I feel so much better after ranting.

本当っ、ガーといっぺん 書き込んだらすっきり
した！これだからこそ 日記は役に立つのだ。

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 3rd, 2006 (Thursday) 02:09 a.m.
Feeling : Emo-time! ~(^O^)~

I don't get my mother. She recently attained a free PDA phone worth 850 in local currency. And has been trying to get someone to buy it. My father got to know about it and wanted to try it out. I was hesitant to let him try it out since he's unlikely to pay for it anyway. This evening, Dad saw the item left out in the living room and expressed more interest in it. He even took it into his room to have a look see (which I protest to him and my Mom since opened things tend to sell cheaper). After an unsuccessful attempt to discourage him, saying that Mom could sell it, I left his room, and got called into Mom's, who exclaimed anxiously if not despairingly upon knowing Dad took it, saying something along the lines of "But I want to sell it." or something. To which I protested it wasn't my fault; someone had conveniently left it out there for him to take. So I went back to Dad's room and lied saying Mom found a buyer and needed it, retrieving the item for her.

For which, I got a "Don't be so unlikeable." comment when I brought it back for dear sweet mother.

Apparently, she had purposely left the item out in plain view of her all-loving husband so it perk his interest and hopefully sell it to him. Lady, what the heck makes you think he's going to pay you an amount for a PDA-phone when he never paid her any of the amount he's been borrowing? And why the hell didn't she tell me what she was intending to do in the first place so I could wash my hands clean of this stupid matter?

Whatever. WHATEVER. It's my fault for even bothering to attempt helping. Trust such outcomes when you stick your nose into business that isn't yours. Lesson learnt. Now to prepare for a lot of whining.

Which happens to include a certain session right before the above mentioned incident.

She came into my room saying lamenting she should go to the doctor's because her leg's been hurting for a long time and she's afraid that it could be cancerous. I say, go ahead. Then she gives me the same old, "I don't have the money" shit. I reply detachly that she can go to the government-funded hospitals. Then she repeats herself and says the same thing. You can see where the hell the conversation was going. Absolutely no-friggin-where. Teens ain't the only emo-freaks around. No-sireeee~ So what do you want? Cash from me? Get straight to the point then. Compassion? It doesn't help diagnose whatever's wrong with your leg. A listening ear? I'm getting horribly sick of the role. Try the wall if you don't want useful advice.

Also, earlier on while I was dinning at some fast-food outlet, a bunch of teenagers called me something that would normally considered mean (especially since I didn't know who they were). But I was barely affected. I wonder why... It puzzles me so much why I'm not caring.

Also, my internet connection, or wireless routing is currently going bonkers, but that's the least of my worries now.

---

On a far less emotional note, I was engaged in a discussion with Sensei earlier on about the current neverending war. I was saying that people use religion as an excuse to go sticking others full of lead. He was on about why can't humans live in harmony... and stuff. Nothing that Quex-dono and I haven't already discussed, but still...

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on
sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious
basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if
he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope
of reward after death."
Albert Einstein, (1879-1955)

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 2nd, 2006 (Wednesday) 02:16 p.m.
Feeling : D:<<<<

Okay, this time I remember my dream!

----------------

And it was another pretty epic one, though with a pretty sweet theme. I was with a man (forgot his name so I'll just call him Juan) and we were sailing towards Australia (yes, on a sailing vessel, 18th century). We were scientists who had heard about a kangeroo that had one of its legs mualed in an attack by a predator (some sort of big cat) and it was rapidly getting infected, while the kangeroo was happily hopping around on just one leg.

Apparently, the kangeroo had been discovered by 2 earlier scientists. One called Michael and the other was David Attenborough (lol wtf). David had decided to keep the kangroo (female) in a secret location in the zoo that had taken charge of her, while news of the discovery spread. Michael got another oddity/ strange animal to divert the unnecessary attention that was coming in, away from the kangeroo while we tried to help heal her leg.

Juan and I arrived at long last to see a rather content kangeroo bouncing about. She was a young one and it was puzzling that she paid her dying leg no heed at all. For the next few months (maybe years, I don't remember), we worked closely with her to cure the leg and strangely, mysteriously enough, she began to turn more and more human. She ended up a 8-year old aboriginal/ African girl. o_O We were at the time, trying to work with another feral child, a young boy too, and we getting quite far with the two. They could both talk and express their emotions. We had named the girl Mulan (don't even ask me why). Forgot what the little boy was called (I'll just use Sed).

Oh yes, by this time, Sir David Attenborough had long returned to England, and it was just Juan, Michael and me. In charge of the feral children.

Mulan had told us her story: her father had gone away to some distant war in a distant land, and her mother died soon after he left, so she was left on her own. She took to the wild and became more and more like a kangeroo, and was content. But she felt even happier to be back in human contact (us buncha scientists). Sed couldn't remember anything of his past. One look at Mulan and Sed would make you think them normal children, but in times of stress, they would revert to their feral selves and retreat.

We decided to head for Mulan's home, since she remembered where it was, to see if we could contact her father in any way. We had also brought a bunch of other children along to help keep the two's spirits up along the way. Sed had roughly recalled some similiar town as his childhood area so we thought it best to bring him. Mulan led us across the harsh Australian desert, and even reverted into the form of a young red kangeroo, frolicking in her element. This had fascinated the other children, so she switched between forms fairly often, though Michael and I cautioned her against doing that around normal adults (Juan was at the zoo doing work). Sed couldn't change into any animal form (he's the feral child of our real society), but nonetheless engaged in frolicking about in the environment he grew up in, mimicking the 4-legged mammals (possibly some medium-sized predator) he had grown up around.

We neared the place Mulan had described as her home and it was apparent that it was a HUGE metropolis. Mulan claimed that it used to be some some village community, and was very puzzled. When we neared the city, we began to see porn signs here and there, dead bodies lying about, people drunk and getting into fights. Very undesirable place. The children were scared, and Mulan and Sed were getting extremely nervous, their behavior reverting to their feral selves. We hung around the outskirts for a while until Mulan discovered her old home. An insignificant mud-hut that got weathered down to a mound, among several others. We found an old package addressed to no one, so opened it. It seemed to be a letter and a towel. The really short letter said, "I love you, my daughter. I shall return to find you." Mulan was ecstatic and immediately took the towel and wrapped it around her neck lovingly. Michael and I found nothing more, so we decided to head back to the zoo.

Mulan was in a much better mood from then on, and her cheeriness spread among the nervous children quickly, even to Sed. Then one night, as the children were sleeping and Michael and I were discussing things over a campfire, underneath the banket of infinite stars, we finally began talking about how Mulan was able to change form (it was only THEN, that I thought it unusual in my dream XD). The next day, as Mulan was leading us forward again, I spotted something on her towel. It looked like initials of some kind. Michael came closer for a look and as I flipped it around to see (the towel was wrapped around Mulan's neck and that bit was at the back), we saw the words, "Juan D." (I don't know why the hell Juan put his name there if he wanted to pull this off properly... he shouldn't have put anything on the towel!). Michael almost yelled out in surprise, but I hushed him. It was true... Juan had set off some weeks before us to scout out the place. He hadn't told us anything about the new metropolis, and had just said the village area was "abandoned". Anyway, Mulan turned around and asked what was wrong. I didn't have the heart to tell her the heart-wrenching truth, so I said, "It's your father's initials." (I'm guessing that Mulan didn't know how to read or write here).

Mulan smiled, as if she already knew that, and bounded on ahead as a kangeroo with new-found energy.

----------------

I would have recalled more, had my mother not bugged me with the dreary, normal things of everyday LIFE the moment I woke up fresh with the dream and wanted to start typing it down. Not to mention a friggin phone call and such. =_= Please, no one TALK to me or even look at me, or do ANYTHING around me when I've just woken up with a dream still vivid in my head D:<<< Just leave me in my room to complete my dream journal entry ;_;

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~

August 1st, 2006 (Tuesday) 05:43 p.m.
Feeling : Touched

And another dream of sailing. o____O Again, I remember nothing of it.

Check out this absolutely fascinating collection of colour photographs of Russia from 1907 to 1922: The Empire That Was Russia. It's so strange seeing such an era in colour as we see our world today... very surreal, yet it's the colour that brings things closer to home, so close that you could just reach out, ignoring all the time past, and just step into their world.

Makes me think of colour photography in an entirely new light... While black and white is considered classic or something that filters out unnecessary elements, we see our world in colour. This is why looking at b/w vintage photographs have never had that much of an effect on me, but upon discovering this treasure trove, I was moved to tears; suddenly they're not just photographs any longer, but a still moment in time of an era long gone. This is what photo-journalism is all about.

"The camera makes everyone a tourist in other
people's reality, and eventually in one's own."
- Susan Sontag

~ ~ ~ ~ painting the skies with each wingbeat ~ ~ ~ ~