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B
L A C K . . . . . F E A T H E R S . . . . . v4.0
IMAGE-LESS
Yeah..? You got a problem with that, H U H ? ? ?
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+ + November 27th, 2003 (Thursday) + +
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--Feeling?---|---Solitary...--
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I'm expecting a huge box of foodstuff from home. Yay. Finally getting stuff from home. Not that I can expect it every half a year, but I'm looking forward to the local food coming in it.
Made Singaporean-styled chicken curry over the weekend and spread the love of it around. Spicy stuff = *drool*
I'm really losing sleep over the money required to GET (get, not even maintain) a rented apartment. About 360,000 yen (SGD$5,684.90 / US$3,299.42) in a single down-payment just to have you as the owner of a small shabby place. Yipes. There's about all of what I have. Main reason why I'm going about with a meal a day (oh yeah, it helps, every bit helps). But there's more (insert cheesy commercial music here). Refridgerator, washing machine (optional but yearned for nonetheless), washing machine and most importantly, computer.
What sleep I've managed to get, throws in some of the strangest dreams I've ever up till now. The cast of Evangelion, together with Hulk Hogan within a 2-hour nap travelling across the Nevada desert with me. Uh.... Then a long sci-fi dream with inter-galatical strategy and combat while I'm trigger happy on the Millenium Falcon (Star Wars)... Woke up from that one exhausted, but heck I'm no fan of sci-fi...
Did interview the manager of the school's bookstore with 2 other group-members. He treated us to coffee. Since he was so nice, consuming that stuff is customary (polite, polite) so I bore with that poison flowing down my throat. His comment about my accent did throw me off a bit. 「あなたのアクセントは綺麗だね、 何年日本語を勉強したんだい？」 That's something for Sycia to be happy about for a bit.
EM has been trying to talk to me of late (noticed the dark cloud over me from some time back), but each time EM attempts to continue from our mutual greeting, something crops up that forces EM or I to leave the start of that conversation hanging and run off to get something done. I've been more than amused by this (happened 6, 7 times already?). Like someone doesn't want us talking...
The weather's fine. 8 being the lowest for the day, 12 the highest. Get outta your warm bed, shiver, get back in and contemplate skipping school. Yeah, that's what cold mornings do to you. But I love it.
I've just been told by a Taiwanese friend that everyone in my class thinks me weird. My reaction to that was naturally, that I didn't talk, so how can anyone find me weird unless I start tango-ing on the teacher's desk. Well, because I don't talk, they find me weird. Alright. I know humans are a plague things that are sociable averagely speaking, but I can't find anything to say to people who talk nothing about finding a partner to settle down with, make-up, clothes, how some random passing chick or hunk looks so hot (insert bimbo talk here). No. I don't think normal people are worth conversing with unless I want something from them, be it information about what homework's due tomorrow, or if there was an earthquake last night. This did queer that Taiwanese friend for some time. Then she asked if I hated anyone. I would have told her the rough amount, but I couldn't get how to say "6 billion" in Japanese or Chinese, and gave up.
Pregnant women are now included in my list. Like the rats that brought the Black Plague in London, yes... Bulging tummies. Round. Stab-worthy. Interesting contents. Stab. Step. Pummel. Annihilate. Go pest control.
You are mRNA. You're brilliant, full of important, interesting information and you're a great friend to the people you care about. You may have sides to you that no one understands. But while you understand more than most people, you're only half-there most of the time.
Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Only half-there? Ask Joyce. The poor girl gets all my crap all the time.
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~ ~ ~ Sycia soared the skies at 05:07 p.m. (GMT +9) - lj ~ ~ ~
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+ + November 19th, 2003 (Wednesday) + +
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--Feeling?---|---Mourning--
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No, I don't feel better. Worse, really, because I have to put on a smiley, all-sweet-sunshine face when I'm in school or everyone will be asking the same damn question that'll eventually drive me up a wall, or down the 20th floor.
Social blogg'in first up...
Eh, Enigma-kun, these injuries never fully heal... your knees will probably be weaker from now on... Do take care...
Mei: I knew she regretted trading the card to me from some time ago. She had told me that directly actually... And how in the world can I trade with her when I'm... *looks at the horizon* this far away? o.O
Sis: Don't sweat it. At the moment, my mind is on something way more important than avatars...
Remember how I was feeling nervous on Friday for seemingly no reason? I woke up feeling all calm again. Apparently I slept right through an earthquake that shook at 3 in the morning, Saturday (Sycia can sleep through almost anything). Then again, the nervousness may have been because of that incident back home...
Finally finished with the tests. I swear I must be allergic to them somehow. My nose kept running during em, and only then.
Japanese eat strange things (pufferfish being the oddest yet), but when I was looking through the seafood section of the supermarket on Friday night, I saw a neatly-packed small gray octopus (kinda plump if you ask me), with... a single small blue ring on one of the tenacles I could see. The hell? People eat that stuff? For all you know that could be something related to a blue-ringed octopus, cos the blue-rings sure look the same... Heck I'm never gonna touch any octopus dish offered to me.
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday... ever since Mom's call on Saturday, my mood's been very very down, and the weather was being freakishly warm and sunny. Too many coincidences with my mood swinging from different ends of the pendulum and the weather acting against the seasons to dismiss lightly.
Not getting the logic (if any) of vain women. It's autumn = It's cold to normal people. Yet they want to dress pretty, so they go around looking sorely prepared for the cooler weather just so they can turn a few heads, but keep complaining that it's cold nonetheless. Vainity? Stupidity seems the better word. One of my classmates is just that. She's your typical vain girl, always on a 'diet', always dressing in a short skirt or something that'll show her legs off, but also the person who's ALWAYS complaining it cold (even in summer). Yet she wears a mini-skirt even now, baring her legs to the ravages of the cold and wind:
Classmate: It's so cooooold....
Sycia: Uh... is it?
Classmate: Yeah...
Sycia: *Looks at Classmate's short skirt* .... then why did you wear THAT out?
Classmate: *Looks sheepish* ... I don't know...
.... Like said before, stupidity. If you want to stay stupid vain, dismissing practicality just so other people will give you a glance 4 seconds longer than they do for everyone else, then shut up about the cold and bare the consequences of your stupid vain actions. That doesn't apply to just my classmate. Japanese women too. School-girls go to school in that same short skirt even during winter as well. Wonderful how a society can force such senseless things onto people.
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This is for you once more...
今日の君と明日を待つ ~ Garnet Crow
街中冷えだして again, new fallen snow
君の体温胸にみるよ
何もないままなら気付けずにいる そんな毎日
懐かしい場所で幼い君の面影を感じ切ないよ
お互いの人生もっと重ねあうようにに生きてたい
そばにいて…
今日の君と明日を待つ想いがあるから
目を閉じるだけで すべては消えてしまうけど
変わらぬまま君といたい もう一度 ちゃんと感じてみて
and sing for me
どんな風に愛せば君を満たす？
精神まで抱き 映しあいたいよ
シンプルな情熱を繋いでゆく 力を求めて
寄り添い歩いてゆく人並みの中
どれくらいの真実があるの？
君に映るもの 僕にも同じ色みえてるの？
Are you still there?
今日の君と明日を待つ戸惑いながら
残酷な 時間の流れを 払い 描き続けてゆくんだ
心地よい冷たさの中 Winter Night
生まれ重なるよ a thing of the past
いつか散り行く旅の途中
だからこんなにも誰かを愛してしまうよ
ほんの一瞬の中 永久が宿る
明け渡した心がまた
Can you hear me?
今日の君と明日を待つ想いがあるから
目を閉じるだけで すべては消えてしまうけど
変わらぬまま君といたい 何度も
その体温を繋いでいようね…
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With You, Holding Onto Tomorrow ~ Garnet Crow
The cold is starting in this little town. (again, new fallen snow)
And without your warmth,
All there is, is nothing but an everyday.
Seeing the vestige of you only brings pain,
I want to live through life together,
With you right here.
The thought of being with you and holding onto tomorrow,
I only have to close my eyes for it all to disappear,
But I want to be with you no less, once more, don't you feel this?
Sing for me.
How do I love to satisfy you?
I want to feel our hearts embrace
Simple, pure passion will bond us and give the strength.
Being with you and holding onto tomorrow
Bitter times calls for its price, but we'll pull through
Within the cold of my heart (winter night)
A thing of the past bears the origin...
If ever, we go our seperate ways,
We'll love so completely, so selflessly.
In one true moment, one can live eternity.
Let's surrender our hearts once more
Can you hear me?
The thought of being with you and holding onto tomorrow,
I only have to close my eyes for it all to disappear,
But I want to be with you no less, all over again.
As if our souls were bound as one.
*footnote: translated by an exhausted
Sycia at 4 in the morning*
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~ ~ ~ Sycia soared the skies at 05:00 p.m. (GMT +9) - lj ~ ~ ~
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+ + November 17th, 2003 (Monday) + +
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--Feeling?---|---Tear-stained & heart-broken--
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I wish I was lied to. 80% of all fluids I've consumed over the weekend has been emptied through my eyes. Nice that people around ask me what's wrong, but I keep breaking down, so escaping to my room is the best solution. Sleep has also left me for 2 damned days.
I wish I was living a lie. Mom, this is when being honest is not the best thing. *Looks at Mei* ... she thought it so insignificant that not even a mention was made.
Why am I not specifying what happened? Because most people would simply dismiss it and say I'm being a drama-queen. Let me tell you what it feels like. I'm feeling like a mother whose son just disappeared while mountain-climbing. Yeah, that's what it is. While other people can be sympathetic and blah blah just to seem politically nice, it's not their problem ultimately.
To my friend, companion of 12 years... I was hoping to see you when I return, but now... This song is to you.
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Ever since you left
Each morning of everyday,
I just keep looking to the horizon,
Waiting, anticipating your return.
Through the flickering morning mist,
That sky seems almost too empty (fade away),
Hopelessly pleading for the impossible, I could only laugh.
Timeless Sleep
I can't think of when I'll embrace the warm of you ever again.
But even if I keep this helplessness within myself,
One has to move on...
Almost hatefully I've fought against change to stay the same,
How I've strived to...
What if two strangers were bond together,
By a sort of soft hope so willing to believe?
(fade out) Ugly wounds
Can have affection involved (die away)
Timeless Sleep
Wrapped up in this sweet slumber, wishing hoping for nothing at all.
If you're ever down, anyday, anytime from now on,
I will be there to embrace you tight.
Timeless Sleep
Let me heal you now, in this little haven I've created.
But don't ever abandon this precious memory,
It will breathe in you, life again (out live)
Timeless Sleep - Garnet Crow
君がいなくなってから
何度朝日を迎えたかしれない
急に地平線をみたくなって ふらり
始発に飛び乗る
酔う程の朝霧の中 薄く光る
空があまりに儚げで fade away
無理に未来求めてゆくこと笑えた
Timeless Sleep
二度と君の温もりを ah- 思い出さない
無力さに躰あずけていても
人は生きてゆける
かろうじて憎しみに変えずいれた
私がんばれたよね？
他人同士を繋ぐものが在るとするなら
甘い希望のようなもので
fade out 醜い 傷は
愛しさに絡め die away
Timeless Sleep
優しい眠り包まれて何も望まない
いつの日か君が悲しい時は
きっと強く抱くよ
Timeless Sleep
私の創るこの場所で癒してあげるよ
忘れえぬ喜びの記憶が
生命を吹き込むでしょう out live
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Now, I only want the phone to ring. For Mom to tell me he's back, safe. For that, you can have my life.
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~ ~ ~ Sycia soared the skies at 01:42 p.m. (GMT +9) - lj ~ ~ ~
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+ + November 14th, 2003 (Friday) + +
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--Feeling?---|---Nervous for a reason she doesn't know...--
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Bwahah. Japanese is weird. This little joke made Bayu-san, Joyce and I laugh non-stop.
丁寧に話せば：
水 → お水
魚 → お魚
鍋 → お鍋
…ね？それで…
釜 → お釜
…だろう？！ でも一体どうして「お釜」は「かま」じゃないの
か？ 不思議だな…これから、 オカマに会ったら、 「ｈｏｎｉｆ
ｉｃ ｉｒｏｎ ｐｏｔ」 を使うだろうな。
Little earthquake on Wednesaday evening. I was standing up in the kitchen cooking up some chicken. I heard the darn thing before I felt it. I hadn't heard anything in my room shaking (the door to it was closed), neither was there really anything in the kitchen to shake. So that proves I can really hear quakes (among other strange things that I hear so much better than human speech...). After hearing it then I realized the kitchen was swaaaaying. Link for personal reference.
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~ ~ ~ Sycia soared the skies at 02:36 p.m. (GMT +9) - lj ~ ~ ~
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+ + November 13th, 2003 (Thursday) + +
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--Feeling?---|---Bored--
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Hmm. Exams week. Not much to say...
Thinking about the PC I'll have to get next year... The software I'll need... urgh. Japanese windows? No-no. Go English. Heck I want a system that's in English but will fully support Japanese (I've heard XP fumbles).
And WOOHOO! Going to order me Samurai Deeper Kyo drama CD... This one I HAVE to get... though I'm still looking for this other drama Cd... *screams bloody murder because she can't find it no matter whatever shop in Tokyo she goes to* Alarm clocks? Geez I wonder if I'll wake up to the sound of the characters talking... Them clocks don't look that great.. :
"Japanese television commercials make as much sense as algebra to a cow."
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~ ~ ~ Sycia soared the skies at 01:39 p.m. (GMT +9) - lj ~ ~ ~
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+ + November 10th, 2003 (Monday) + +
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--Feeling?---|---Floaty.....................--
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Ah, finally some time to blog at long last. Guh, mistype a letter in www.alltheweb.com and I get a porn site. -___-
Have been awake for 48 hours or more..? My head's in the clouds. It's about 10 degrees Celcius outside now but I will be walking about in my tropical attire again. Hmm. So far I've just been studying the whole weekend away, but yesterday was a real marathon... 8pm all the way till 7am in the morning revising my insanely long list of vocabulary, or actually, only half of that long list... (arm, palm and fingers ache now). I was glad to have a studying companion (Nott-san) nonetheless, but he gave in to sleep and hunger in the end. Which reminds me... haven't eaten since 7 last night. *Wonders why fatigue and hunger has left her in the corner today...*
Thanksgiving (Don't ask, I'm in the mood). To actually be studying in Japan for free, paid for daily expenses, working towards my dream, without a bond waiting for me at the end of this... Damn I am lucky... I know half the world would die for a chance like this too.
Oh, and I finally managed to convince a particular Catholic to return to church. The hell? Why's a free-thinker preaching to a Catholic about the importance of mass... o___O Someone's toying around with a voodoo doll of me.
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Thursday
The annual photo-taking session for our dorm. As expected, plenty of non-scholarship students didn't turn up (they don't like the dorm sensei fussing over them like a mother). I didn't feel up to wearing my Punjabi, but somehow got made to sit right in the front beside the most disliked sensei of all dorms. Hmmm. After that, plenty of people stayed to help make dumplings and okonomiyaki for the party to be held over the afternoon. I was in charge of the okonomiyaki paste. ^^
The party was chaotic and silly. Everyone was going nuts over the okonomiyaki, and there had only been 1 hot plate to cook it on. So everytime 1 piece of it was done and placed on the plate to be cut up by me, the whole lot of people would be hovering over with gathering sakki/ shaqi while waiting for my "done", then swooping the plate clean in 2 seconds... o____O; All in all, it was fun (more like some big anime fight for the last of prawns). ^^; The sensei's dumplings rock. :d~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She seemed especially pleased when I replied to her asking me why I didn't want sauce over the dumplings with, "It's tasty enough." Waaaai.... wanna have more dumplings....
Got me nifty little in-kan too; that little stamp thingy Japanese use instead of signatures in most cases.
Bayu-san did make me real happy later on as we sang on to Fukai Mori... :P, "You can sing."
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~ ~ ~ Sycia soared the skies at 04:44 p.m. (GMT +9) - lj ~ ~ ~
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+ + November 7th, 2003 (Friday) + +
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--Feeling?---|---Hyper, fatigued and busy.--
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Lots to blog, no time. The only thing I've got to say now is my body is going sh*t. Bleah. 2 and a half hours of sleep and going strong. Doesn't explain the hyperness... moo. Till Monday~
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~ ~ ~ Sycia soared the skies at 03:53 p.m. (GMT +9) - lj ~ ~ ~
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+ + November 4th, 2003 (Tuesday) + +
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--Feeling?---|---*Sigh*--
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Right... had written plenty, but some stupid barrage of porn popups just hung the computer... -___- Anyway I haven't been on because of the Cultural Festival the school's holding. Room's still frozen.
Did a survey~
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Monday
We had to watch to the Karaoke contest. I hate karaoke. And. Mein gott. Most of the participants were so bad. I was on the verge of landing my sandals in their faces. -___- With the amount of sarcastic comments forming in my head, I think I might just be able to equal that American Idol judge...
On the other had. Pirum-san, Detty, Adian + Romeo + Ernie put up very very very impressive performances. Although it was supposed to be a karaoke contest, Pirum-san played his guitar and sang to "Natsu no Owari". And boy, though his quiet song the crowd was so still, so silent, roaring in applause after he finished. Of course, he won. There was almost no doubt about it. I would have died if someone of his talent didn't win. So in-tune, so pregnant with emotion. ^^ Maybe I'll request for him to sing it again. Don't know if I will be able hold back the tears though.
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Sunday
Went to school for a while, then nothing. Studying for that big test next week. Planning to visit the Katana Museum near my school soon (site)...
Bayu was feeling down last night and I just happened to be studying in the lobby so I gave him muh ears. I'm not much of a counsellor, but I did listen and tried to cheer him up some. Fuck. I'm too kind. *Kicks herself*
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Saturday
Had to go to school for about 10 minutes. -.- I imagine the people who stay an hour from school screaming bloody murder that morning.
Went to Ueno with Joyce in our search for long coats. Saw wet-markets for the first time in Japan. Seafood, fruits. vegetables, dried foodstuffs, Chinese herbs... everything was being sold cheap. A pity it's so far. No long coats were seen at the road-side stalls so we headed for the department stall.
I had long forgone the idea of searching for anything in the women's section, but since Joyce wanted to go take a look (and she's fast at it), I just followed. She's a little smaller than the average female, but even she took a look at the women's coats and shook her head. The way I figure it, Japanese women buy these coats, wear them over a thin dress maybe, and that's it. Why? Because they are all so tight there isn't any room it wear anything thicker on the inside. What the hell? Winter is approaching. This is how women get through winter fashionable??? That and all the women's coats all share the same basic look.
So we went into the men's section. Compared to the daily monotonous range of working suits, the long coats there were surprisingly plenty in design. Oddly enough, we found a coat that resembles Fujimiya Aya's (direct your eyes to the guy with red hair), and a trenchcoat like Neo's. Joyce found something she liked (nice white coat), but the price was insane.
Continuing our search for long coats, we will turn to Harajuku next time.
Also watched Gladiator for the first time. I must say, that guy (Joaquin Phoenix) playing Caesar did a fantastic job. Now there's a character everyone would love to stab forty times over. The pleasure of his death only proves what great acting that actor graced the film with. ^^ I love villains.
Oh, and the dorm-sensei asked me to help out in preparing food for that party on Thursday. How the heck am I supposed to say no. -_- Then again, I wouldn't eat the food if I didn't help out. Just don't feel right not doing anything then receiving food...
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Friday
A day off school. Dad called out of the blue at 1pm to ask why he still couldn't get into the site. I can get into it fine from Japan, so what was the problem. Well apparently he typed in ".nett". How much more spastic can people get. Nevermind the overwhelming fact that he has used the internet for about a year already, he could have ASKED my siblings to solve the problem. Or is it his ego that doesn't want him asked much-younger people for help?
Saw some movie on TV (American) and watched it in Japanese dub (my TV doesn't have the duel-sound option ><. A prisoner who escaped was chased all over the place by a cop who needed his blood to save his son (I think the prisoner was the biological father of Cop's son). Basically cop chased prisoner down, shot him in the limbs and what not, even took a bullet for prisoner just to keep him alive till he could get prisoner's blood in the end.
I feel like that prisoner now.
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Thursday
After checking up the problem with Dad's website (which wasn't a problem at all even), called him. He seemed in a rush to hang up. The sudden "O.k, bye bye." *CLICK* Left me even more dotted. Not even a word of thanks hm.
I had a sad dream later on, in Japanese. I was a kid, cycling up this winding path uphill. Other kids were with me, but we were in a frantic rush to get away from something. I turned to a boy who cycled past he replied, "It looks bad..." (やばいよ). I stopped, turned and cycled back down at the other kids' horror. One of the last ones coming up said, "She didn't make it. Don't go there." (やられた。やめろうよ) But I just continued on. Somewhere down the hill I saw a woman (uh, can't remember what she looked like), holding onto a girl (obviously one of my friends) as if strangling, dropping the lifeless girl down the side of the hill. I distinctly remember yelling out something foul in Japanese at the woman, but the dream ended there. Genuine sadness for the strangled girl set in after I woke up.
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~ ~ ~ Sycia soared the skies at 03:16 p.m. (GMT +9) - lj ~ ~ ~
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(integrated MPD), tormented in the soul & schizophrenic in the heart. Languages understood: English, Japanese, Chinese, Hokkien, Teochew & Malay.
