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Sunday, April 22, 2001 I think Tom Green may be on to something. Note: This is not a recommendation by Bat Guano to see "Freddy Got Fingered." Mr. Guano has not seen the film. As a true affectionado of bad cinema, he believes that bad films should be viewed after they have aged at least 20 years, so one can objectively dwell upon the question, "What the f@#! was wrong with people back then?" Thursday, April 19, 2001 The FCC (George W. Bush's FCC, that is) is finally standing up for "corporate free speech." Wednesday, April 18, 2001 From story: "Putting your trust in a financial institution other than Metrobank, well, that's like hypnotizing chickens." Monday, April 16, 2001 Today is a day of mourning for punk rock. Monday, April 16, 2001 The battle against violent music continues. Friday, April 13, 2001 And for your Easter Sunday funnies: Cavemen say 'You Jews are wrong!' Friday, April 13, 2001 Mmmm... bake some of Betty Bowers' Brutal Death of Our Savior Easter Cookies. Betty Bowers... she's a better Christian than you. Wednesday, April 11, 2001 Top buried news stories of 2000. My favorite stories the media doesn't cover are the ones they don't cover because they're stories about the media. Like number 3: "U.S. Army psychological operations personnel worked at CNN." (In the intrest of full disclosure, you should know that the author of this Web page and the host of SwaG! was a psyops specialist (radio propaganda) in 1951-52.) Monday, April 9, 2001 Monday, April 9, 2001 Friday, April 6, 2001 Update to yesterday's story: MTV's MP3 downloads will cost more than most CDs. For only $18.98 you can sit and wait as the Backstreet Boys' latest comes dribbling down your wire. From the Wired story: "The idea that the music doesn't have value when it's taken off the disk is wrong; the art form is the music," said Ted Cohen, EMI's vice president of new media. "Whether it's a download, bought in a store, or burned, we see that the value is in the music. "It makes it more complex to go to an artist and tell them that they are going to get less money because they are selling the tracks digitally." Yes, if the price was lowered on a product that was stripped of all of the costs of its physical medium, it would be the artist who would suffer. You don't want that, do you? Swine. Thursday, April 5, 2001 MTV carries on the MP3 revolution! For the same price as a CD,(and without a physical product, jewel box, artwork, liner notes, physical distribution, and a large percentage of the digital information that's stripped from CD tracks when compressed into MP3s) you can get MP3s from MTV. What a deal! And all five labels have jumped in on it, the first time for any MP3 deal. Tuesday, April 3, 2001 I still can't help but to think, Christmas meant nothing without my monkeys. Friday, March 30, 2001  SwaG! fan art. Well, maybe not "fan" art since I know the guy. Monday, March 26, 2001 This just in from Mr. Brad Miller: Quintron information to pass along...Friday, March 30, 2001. @ the Pop Cafe (which is a coffee-shop/house directly adjacent to the Intersection). Doors will open at 6:30 - Quintron will be showing some sort of movie @ 7:00 pm sharp. Quintron will play a set immediately after the movie. Mechanik will be playing after Quintron. Get there early. Sunday, March 25, 2001 Just got this email: www.VoterMarch.org and other groups are working to get protesters in place for Bush's visit to WMU at 1:00 on Tuesday March 27. Hoping you Kalamazoo knows this is coming and you might have better information than we have. Thanks Dan Walker 248 354 4982 Southfield, Mi Walker.d.l@att.net Cheryl Warner West Michigan Coordinator grandrapids@votermarch.org Friday, March 23, 2001 Link unrelated to the following post. The "president" is going to be at WMU this Tuesday. The paper last night said that 800 tickets had already been sold before Dubya's visit was confirmed. They certainly were sold before word of the visit got out to the public. Hmmm... I wonder who got the first word that tickets were available to see our "president"? You ever wonder how Castro or Saddam Hussain manage to arrange crowds that are nothing but supportive for their rallies? I'm glad we live in a country where our "leader" has to resort to sneakiness instead of threats. --your radio friend, Bat Guano Thursday, March 22, 2001  Wednesday, March 21, 2001 Somebody's Reaching For A Clue... From a story on the flood of oldies radio in the Twin Cities: Industry observers, however, suggest that broadcasters ignore younger listeners and new music at their peril. "The danger for radio is that people are seeking alternative delivery services," Taylor said. "This isn't even hypothetical. That's what Napster is all about." "If radio ignores young listeners now," said Heine, "when those listeners are in the 25-54 demo, radio may be irrelevant to them." Tuesday, March 20, 2001 I find it amusing to put creative entries in other peoples' guestbooks. Especially if they are this guy. I really like his Wal-Mart trip photos. So, who has more time on his hands... Name: Bat Guano Monday, March 19, 2001 Somebody sent me on a chase for a goose that is wild: Shooby Taylor, the Human Horn. Not much is known about this guy. He was a postal worker in Brooklyn, he may have hung out with jazz musicians, he may have gotten booed off the stage of the Apollo. He just walked into a recording studio in Times Square one day in the '80s and recorded... oh, lordy. His music has never been put on vinyl or CD. A tape of what he recorded has travled around the world, however, and, thank the gods and curse the RIAA, landed in Napster. Thanks to Napster I was able to get some of his works of vocal genius. You should be hearing it this week on SwaG! I can't tell you what it sounds like. But with most first-time Shooby listeners this is what happens: The eyes glaze, the mouth frowns, then around a minute into one of his songs laughter spews. Shooby's voice contains a joyous, celabratory spirit, and it is also inept and insane. All info I found on Shooby is thanks to Irwin Chusid's "Songs In the Key of Z" book. --your radio friend, Bat Guano Sunday, March 18, 2001 After a long search, we have discoverd that the word "swagpie" doesn't exist on the Web. So we'll be putting the word "swagpie" into all of the SwaG! website pages. This way, in a month or two, if you type "swagpie" into Google, you will only get SwaG! pages. We will be working this technique for brand-searching into a marketable proactive stratagy for synergistic dot-coms who wish to stay in the zietgiest's perspictous, dynamicaly. Swagpie yours, Sunday, March 18, 2001 Sometimes, I like things I don't understand. Wednesday, March 14, 2001 That John Ritter's a funny guy. Tuesday, March 13, 2001 I just discovered Joe Meek on Napster. Read about his strange music and stranger life. Sunday, March 11, 2001 "'If one of you do not consent, just walk away,' the priest spoke in English, and because both he and the pony stayed the marriage was done with." But did the pony understand English? The bride and groom were both Dutch. But then, look at the loving kiss at the bottom of the page. Sigh... true love. Friday, March 9, 2001 Free music! There's no need for Napster anymore. This is the stuff that's so hard to find with Napster, anyway. Friday, March 9, 2001 This could be an entire Green Slime. Thursday, March 8, 2001 People Like Us, as heard last night on SwaG! (remember, the "she'll be comin' on her..." song?) Lots of fun. And a kitty! And, for other organizations/rock and roll combos that mess with music, culture and Dan Rather, there's Evolution Controlled Creations and The Evolution Control Committe. They gave a song away for free on Napster, 'cause CBS was going to sue them. Now they're famous. And they're still giving away their music to those pirate downloaders. Is that any way to run a business? Wednesday, March 7, 2001 Wednesday, March 7, 2001 Ugly Rooms for Beautiful People: Interior decorating of the 1970s. WARNING: This will give you migraines, and might induce projectile vomiting. Will open in new window so you can still hear the sweet '70s background music on this page. Sunday, March 4, 2001 Zeroing in on Quintron March 30 Grand Rapids show: Found the site for the venue, The Pop Cafe. It looks to be part of The Intersection. Thursday, March 1, 2001 The Worst of the Worst on MP3.Com. I recommend "Power Ballad" by Hot Piss. Thursday, March 1, 2001 Here's the poop:
MARCH 30, 2001 (Friday) This is all thank's to Black Jack Productions. It's not their show, but they're cool enough to let people know about all the swingin' happinin's. Sunday, February 25, 2001 Phrases ol' granddad used to find humorous, like "go to it, kid!" "don't monkey with me!" and "blow me!" Sunday, February 25, 2001 As If You Care: Check up on all the crap I've been putting up at www.plastic.com. Sunday, February 25, 2001 "If you like to pretend that you'll never get old, you've got what it takes to rock and roll." --The Residents. Yes, I missed another Residents concert. Friday, February 23, 2001 ...and now, in our look at Life Styles Arts And Entertainment And Crap, let's look at some art. Friday, February 23, 2001 ... when animals attack. When tigers decide to not take our shit anymore. Friday, February 23, 2001 Friday, February 23, 2001 Thursday, February 22, 2001 Hey kids! Get in the pickup! Wal-Mart's got Faith Hill on sale! On a related note: Has anyone out there heard the rumor that a certain Kalamazoo independent record store may be going belly-up? Thursday, February 22, 2001 It's Rove's world; we just live in it. Wednesday, February 21, 2001 My comment's on tonight's Grammys. WARNING: CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE. Tuesday, February 20, 2001 In Search of... Jack Kittel At last I have found a copy of Jack Kittel's "Psycho," the most bone-chilling country and western song ever. After finding it, I tried to find more info on Kittel. All I knew is he was from Michigan. All I could find was this guestbook entry in a site on music recording:
Name: dennis rogers anyway i wanted to tell every one because, we recorded it because jack kittel had done projects for the studio.the owners wanted to give him his own project. so my brother (who was the arranger and played everything except drums on the record) along with jack came up with psycho. which was written by leon payne, but had been banned before it ever saw daylight. anyway we thought maybe it would do better in 73 than it did in the early 60's and it did . so now all these years later it's still alive and well. and i wanted to tell every one interested in recording at any level never! let anyone tell you that you cant when you know you can . did i mention it was recorded at a studio in muskegon mi.. because, it was that reason that the song's critic's gave us as to why it was trash. and lastly on a sad note. jack died in an auto accedent just days before we found out it was in the movie. but he left his mark through this song..... thank you Dennis Rogers The song is not trash, but it is damn creepy. You'll be hearing it on this week's SwaG!. --your radio friend, Bat Guano Monday, February 19, 2001 Lalalalala... Friday, February 16, 2001 Wow. SwaG! listeners pledged over $400 for WIDR Wednesday night. I can't remember the exact number, I was just in a daze at the end. It just proves my theory on how non-commercial stations should make money. Commercial stations try to get the most listeners so they can sell their ears to advertisers; they can't risk loosing any of them, so they avoid anything too new, too different. They keep it bland enough so a lot of people like what they're playing a little bit. Non-commercial stations have to keep it different, they have to get a few listeners who like the station so much that they'll actually give the station money, even though they can listen for free. I think it was only around seven people who pledged to SwaG!, but they like it and WIDR so much that they gave a lot. There were a few who pledged $40-$50, and two who pledged $100 each!!! That's a buck a watt. I did shamelessly manipulate listeners with the offer of the SwaG! t-shirt and Bat Guano coffee mug to go to the largest pledger. I got a bidding war going between two of them, and then at the very end this guy calls and lays down a hundred clams--sorry, the stuff's going to him (the other $100 person didn't want the shirt and mug). You can still get the shirt and mug here. None of the money goes to me or WIDR, and I hear the price that Cafepress charges will go up in May, so get it while it's cheap. Better yet, just give your money to WIDR--the fundraiser is still going on, and we still have to get to $10,000. It's more than a radio station, it's a WAR! A war against the homoginization of our musical culture. --your radio friend, Bat Guano Tuesday, February 13, 2001 Well, it looks like Napster is about to be taken out--bam--by the music industry. There goes one briefly shining source of Other Music (this is the term chosen to replace "alternative," it might and might not include SwaG! music). You don't need me to tell you, it's not about "stealing" music. It's about controlling music. Who get's promoted, how much promotion do they get, how many megawatt radio stations get backscratchings in return when they are asked to scratch. What's going to sell using the tools of commercial radio/TV/movie-fastfood tie-ins--they know the answer to that. The usual pap. Refined and pre-chewed. But the kids aren't going to go for the usual pap if they're downloading god knows what from Napster. That stuff is all over the place--the not-hip, too-hip, too-old, too-new. Some of those musicians are even dead! (Looking for Minutemen stuff to burn on CD--I bought the albums back when D. Boone was still alive--and I find a ton of "Corona" labled as the "Jackass theme." In part it's MTV's fault, but Napster makes it posible for the jackass kids to sample the rest of the old '80s politicalpunk band's stuff at no charge. What if they like it?!? And then buy it?!? Or get into other things that aren't Emenem/Backstreetboys?!? Talk about your gateway drugs.) Anyway, this is leading somewhere. Here it is: With the music industry actively fighting to control our culture, let's thank our lucky asses that we have the non-controlled WIDR here in Kalamazoo. Say that reminds me. It's WIDR-Week. The time when your favorite and long-lasting source of non-commercial broadcasting points out that they aren't doing this for the money. They're doing it because they're freakin' fanatics. But they need money to keep their equipment running. And they ain't about to get payola for spinning The Dixie Chicks. So give. You can donate anytime, but if you donate during SwaG! Wednesday, Feb. 14, 9 p.m., you'll get a SwaG! t-shirt and a Bat Guano coffee mug if you give the highest amount. Don't do it for WIDR, don't do it for me, do it for the children, the children who, without your help, may never hear the sound of thrash next to Tom Jones next to Thelonious Monk. --your radio friend, Bat Guano Monday, February 5, 2001 More morbid: Behind the Death of the Music. Saturday, February 3, 2001 Friday, February 2, 2001 While doing SwaG! (the radio program), I often get calls from listeners who want to hear either stuff I never heard of, or stuff I have in my personal collection at home which I can't get because I can't just put on a long tune and drive there to get it, or stuff that I know is deep within WIDR's collection but I can't seem to find. So, to help me get my fecal matter together, why not just e-mail me all you want to hear, and I'll try to get it on the next SwaG!. The address is batswag and a @ and a worldnet.att.net (you have to put it all together because I'm trying to fool the spam robots). I can't gaurantee I'll play any of it, because I'm an old crank. --your radio friend, Bat Guano Friday, February 2, 2001 And I thought I had car troubles. Monday, January 29, 2001 My comment on Plastic.com on the sure-to-come Napster fee. Yes, I've been spewing my opinions on Plastic instead of here like I should. But I get rated on Plastic. I got a "4, clever"! Whoopee! --your radio friend, Bat Guano Thursday, January 25, 2001 O Brother! "Country" radio sucks! Wednesday, January 24, 2001 Wednesday, January 24, 2001 Search engine fun! Go to Yahoo or Google, and search under the phrase "dumb motherfucker." See who's online store comes out at the top? This tells us why--as if we don't know. Friday, January 19, 2001 Get Down With The NEW New World Order! We're so screwed. Friday, January 19, 2001 Wow. I got a score of "2, Genius" for my comment on the new plastic.com site. My comment makes no sense at all if you haven't read the last Suck Filler. Wow. I seem to have too much freakin' time on my hands. --your radio friend, Bat Guano Wednesday, January 17, 2001 Tuesday, January 16, 2001 Site for snide info junkies. By the makers of Suck. Monday, January 8, 2001 And, continuing on with the theme, read about Dick Clark, who lives as Allen Freed rots in his grave. Monday, January 8, 2001 Chiu Chiu Shen Gong! Mighty penis! Friday, January 5, 2001 You know that story, about the ark and the flood. The rainbow at the end. That's right, that was God's way of telling us to be gay from then on. The animals marched off the boat, chanting "we're here, we're queer..." Tuesday, January 2, 2001 Comics. Inlcuding my favorite, Mr. Coffee Nerves! Sunday, December 24, 2000 Hey! Do you listen to Bat Guano's SwaG!? Do you want to let the world know you're a freak? Then buy a SwaG! t-shirt! Sweatshirt! Coffee mug! That's right, even a freakin' coffee mug! It's a big one, too! Here's the deal: Mr. Guano put together the artwork and propaganda, sent it to a company called CafePress and set up an e-store selling his e-crap. Mr. Guano spent nothing to do this, and he's not charging any markup, so he's not going to lose or make money on this deal. And you get to buy the stuff at the cheapest rate CafePress allows. It's kind of like Mr. Guano's attitude towards his radio program (SwaG!, 9 p.m. Wednesdays, 89.1, WIDR-FM): If you ignore it, he doesn't care! So don't buy any of the crap! He doesn't care! These products have been rigorously tested. The coffee mug is sweet, looks great and is the largest available. The art on the shirt looked too small, but we've corrected this problem, so you should, if you wear a SwaG! shirt, look like a freak from many yards away. If you really want it, go here: www.cafepress.com/batguano
Thank you for your support, Friday, December 22, 2000 Snack ideas for your holiday parties! "These snacks do not look dramatic, despite the best efforts of shape-combination. Snacks are not required to be dramatic. Once you start to make dramatic snacks, you start worrying whether cleverly carved radishes provide sufficient comic relief. Save the drama for the end of the meal, when everyone’s had a second glass of wine, and is sitting in stunned embarrassment while the Andersons - who’ve each had three glasses - tear into each other over issues of fidelity and money. That’s the stuff of life, the anguish of the human heart; that’s dramatic. These are just crackers, for Chrissakes." Wednesday, December 20, 2000 Once again, the swine are seeing to it that the powers that be on the radio airwaves get to hog said airwaves. Tuesday, December 19, 2000 Up With People! is dead. "The inexplicably perky always have a way of creeping out the rest of the world when all they mean to do is bring cheer." Monday, December 18, 2000 Oh, yeah... swingin' music for swingin' SwaG!sters... To your left at the top of the page is the SwaG! Flash music deck. Click on play to play, click on stop to stop, click on fastforward to jump to the next tune. The SwaG! Flash music deck is stocked with the latest in groovy mood music--scientifically determined to enhance your dull, gray life--by Bat Guano himself. New tunes will be added every day, or when Mr. Guano gets around to it. Friday, December 15, 2000 This is why we make fun of people from Indiana... From this news story: Nick Yinger, a 25-year-old bricklayer's assistant who reported finding the skeleton, also anxiously awaits the outcome. Yinger said he was driving along Rockville Road near Lynhurst Drive on Monday night when he stopped his car to chase after a stray dog. Right behind a gas station, he said he spotted the casket. "I said, 'Forget the dog. I'm taking this home for Halloween next year!' It looked pretty cool." Yinger, who said he can bench-press 225 pounds, carried out the casket himself and loaded it in the front seat of his Oldsmobile. The top of the casket, he said, stuck out of the side window. He kept it for a day, thinking it was fake. But a friend with firefighting experience looked at the inside of the casket and told him the bones were real. That's when police were called in late Tuesday. Wednesday, December 13, 2000 Here's the deal with the SwaG! tee-shirt and coffee mug (see yesterday's post). It cost me nothing to do this. I did not add any markup to the price, so I will not profit. I have no idea how these items will turn out. If you don't buy any of it, that's okay. I will not lose money. I just think it would be amusing if my five listeners would walk Kalamazoo's sidewalks, schools, malls while wearing SwaG! shirts. I have just bought a shirt and a mug, just to see if they look okay. I'll let y'all know if it turns out to be crap. I don't want people buying stuff with my image on it if it is crap. Oh, yeah... George W. Bush is still an idiot. Tonight on SwaG!: I'll be playing a lot of crap. --your radio friend, Bat Guano Tuesday, December 12, 2000 At last! Now you can get your own SwaG! tee-shirt and/or coffee mug! All items feature art/propaganda by Bat Guano. We've added no markup to the price, so you can get the crap as cheap as possible. We ain't making any money off this but, hey, it's promotion, baby. Monday, December 11, 2000 The beginnings of a new conspiracy for theorists to chew on. Monday, December 11, 2000 Space Ghost is the only TV show that makes sense. Friday, December 8, 2000 Watch all 16 Mr. Man "films" by Steve Whitehouse. Friday, December 8, 2000 Everybody sing along: "This is the dawning of the Age of Horus, the Age of Horus... " Friday, December 8, 2000 |
