Stories often taken from: Mr. Guano rants without shame Mr. Guano's email address:
Plastic
Obscure Store
Mister Pants
Boing Boing
in public on Plastic.
Use "batswag"
and a "@"
and a "worldnet.att.net".
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Monday, July 16, 2001 Hey! It's George, Carl, Debbie and Freddy all on the same page! Friday, July 13, 2001 This'll kill some time: About a hundred weird little interactive Flash cartoons. Click on "archive" to see them all. Tuesday, July 10, 2001 CLICK HERE FOR HOT BAT MAN PORN!!! I swear, some of youse out there looking at my page are a bunch a perv-o's. Tuesday, July 10, 2001 Just reminding you: Deregulation from the FCC is not going to mean we'll be able to play songs with naughty words over the radio. It is not going to mean that it will be easier--or even possible--for individuals to start or own their own stations. It doesn't mean that non-commercial stations like WIDR will someday be able to boost its power. Deregulation from the FCC will mean that fewer, larger companies will control most of what goes into your brain. Monday, July 9, 2001 Bush under threat from baseball mascot! Mascot told to not pull shit. Friday, July 6, 2001 "President" Bush threatens to resign, spits on the Constitution on the way out. Thursday, July 5, 2001 Satan loves the Mac! Apple computer does not love Satan. Bill Gates next in line to be Satan. Thursday, July 5, 2001 Thomas Jefferson would've rocked out on Napster. Wednesday, July 4, 2001 It's been 225 years since we told the King to "SUCK IT!" Let's remember how and why we decided that our leaders wouldn't be chosen for us. Sunday, July 1, 2001 OK Soda: Brainwashing tool. I never saw it in Michigan. Maybe that explains why Bush lost the state. "... inscrutable connection was made by Brian Lanahan, manager of--note the ominous department title--Special Projects for Coke's marketing division, who told Time that 'what we're trying to show with those symbols is someone who is just being, and just being OK.' Translation: They were trying to produce young fogeys ready to affirm--to okay--the existing order, to look up at those silent factories and say, 'Whatever.'" Friday, June 29, 2001 "... in Canada, they treat you like a queen/in Canada, they never will be mean..." --from "In Canada," by B.J. Snowden. Happy Canada Day. Thursday, June 28, 2001 Thinking about Microsoft makes me feel like Jandek. Thursday, June 28, 2001 This just in: Microsoft just might now be free to be as monopolistic as it wants to be. But at least there's this update (sent in by Jeffery Alan M., tip o' hat to, etc.), which sorta calms some of my Microsoft fear and paranoia: "Software giant Microsoft Corp.(NasdaqNM:MSFT - news) has scrapped plans to incorporate a feature into its forthcoming Windows XP operating system that allows words to be linked on Web pages without the knowledge of the page's author, the Wall Street Journal reported on Thursday." Thursday, June 28, 2001 If you were listening last night, and you heard the unique vocal stylings of Shooby Taylor, and you were wondering, "How can I hear more Shooby?" then go here. Shooby has never been put on CD or LP except for one tune on "Songs in the Key of Z". Tapes of his work have been traded freely since the '80s. Now more--much more than we could ever hope for, or want--is turning up on the int-er-net. A tip 'o the hat to Paul R.! Tuesday, June 26, 2001 Hey, we're actually posting something about music here... Going over a new CD now for WIDR by Manu Chao, "Esperanza." Wow. Every Latin style thrown into one wild package, pluse a few others. You'll hear it on SwaG! this week. Tuesday, June 26, 2001 Tuesday, June 26, 2001 Okay, I just added a handy little tag in this page, so now Microsoft will not be able to screw with it by putting in "related" links to other sites without my permission goddamnit when people are using IE 6. Now I just have to add the tag to about 50 other pages... I use ol' Netscape on a iMac--does that make me weird? Paranoid? Monday, June 25, 2001 Let's get synergized! Wednesday, June 20, 2001 Dear Bat Guano, It has recently been brought to our attention that you are, or have been, in violation of the Net Authority Acceptable Internet Usage Guidelines. It has been reported that you distribute offensive materials over the Internet. Net Authority has investigated these claims by checking your webpage at http://home.att.net/~batswag and verified that they are true. As a result, your personal information has been added to one or more Net Authority Internet offender databases. Your information will be stored in the databases until enough evidence has been gathered against you to warrant further actions. To help avoid such a situation, it is strongly recommended that you cease your immoral actions on the Internet at once. You have been added to the following databases: - General Blasphemy Offenders If you would like more information about Net Authority or the Net Authority Acceptable Internet Usage Guidelines, you may read the details at http://www.netauthority.org/. It is imperative that you fully understand the guidelines if you wish to avoid further prosecution. While the individual who reported your actions to us will remain anonymous, he or she wished to pass these words on to you: "You are NOT a Christian!" May God be with you as you struggle to overcome these evil impulses. You will be in our prayers at night. God speed,
Net Authority Investigations Department Wednesday, June 20, 2001 Wednesday, June 20, 2001 Just in case you didn't know about "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!". Found through this, a pretty handy thing. Wednesday, June 20, 2001 Did anybody see this? Tuesday, June 19, 2001 You're not stealin' from the artists, you're stealin' from the Man! There's a way to pay the artists directly. All the unemployed middlemen can get jobs as greeters at Wal-Mart. Here's a comic on the subject. Friday, June 15, 2001 I don't have time to read this now. Maybe you do. That Steve Albini sure can gripe. I scanned down to this: "The band is now 1/4 of the way through its contract, has made the music industry more than 3 millon dollars richer, but is in the hole $14,000 on royalties. The band members have each earned about 1/3 as much as they would working at a 7-11, but they got to ride in a tour bus for a month." Friday, June 15, 2001 Hear the hits of the Ypsilanti All-Starz! "Wiggle On The Floor"! "Yo Shit Be All Up In My Face"! And other golden moments. They seem to put little effort into their lyrics. That's what makes them so effortless. Thursday, June 14, 2001 Quintron and Miss Pussycat to be at Harvey's, July 16. Just a reminder. Wednesday, June 13, 2001 Now KISS fans can rock'n'roll all night and party every day for all eternity. Oh, yeah, I need me one a them. Tuesday, June 12, 2001 Nostalgia for a time when we were all doomed, for a time when we are all doomed. Monday, June 11, 2001 Friday, June 8, 2001 This is weird: My ranting has been quoted on Salon. I mean, I'm scanning around, looking for dirt on Dubya, and I read a quote from "Bat Guano," and, yep, it's something I posted yesterday on Plastic. Is this how Salon gets their quotes? And they call themselves journalists. Friday, June 8, 2001 Vacation ideas from snotty Englishmen. Thursday, June 7, 2001 Does the first amendment protect information that could help keep the RIAA from controling how you can copy a song? The EFF says yes, the RIAA says no. And a tip o' the hat to John A. of Grand Rapids, Mich. Wednesday, June 6, 2001 Columbia Records stands up to her pimp! They got a song so bootylicious it doesn't need payola do get radio action. Doesn't need much payola, anyway. Tuesday, June 5, 2001 There are some things that, in order to live in day-to-day mental peace, we just can't allow ourselves to think about. Friday, June 1, 2001 The links tell of a sordid life, death and of a son who's proud of his dad, shamelessly proud. "SON PEDDLING BOOK ON 'HOGAN'S' EROS" Bob Crane, TV star and amature photographer Once again, my reading of James Ellroy is influencing my posts here. Wednesday, May 30, 2001 Some people are destined to live, die and shop alone at Winesburg, Ohio Wal-Mart. Only aging American-lit students will laugh at this. Tuesday, May 29, 2001 Radio Swine Update: Smoking gun document links pay to play. It's payola, baby, and everyone in commerecial radio is doing it. Friday, May 25, 2001 WIRETAP TRANSCRIPT. SUBJECTS: FEDERICO "FRITZY" GIOVANELLI, FRANK "FRANKIE CALIFORNIA" CONDO: FRITZY: Yeah. Nah, this morning. Last night I had an itch, you know? I come in, I don't know, all of a sudden, I eat yogurt. FRANK: Yeah. FRITZY: I eat yogurt about 10 o'clock, 'cause I didn't eat all day from 2 o'clock. So I says, "I'll have a little yogurt." Then it had raisins and nuts. FRANK: I thought you don't eat raisins. FRITZY: It was inside the damn yogurt. FRANK: What'd ya tell me about raisins? FRITZY: Yeah, what I tell you? They were in there, alright? So anyhow, so I, I downed it and five minutes after, I started fucking itching around the balls, you know? FRANK: From what? GUANO: Yeah, what? What made Fritzy's balls itch? Tune into The Frank and Fritzy Show on WMOB to find out! Wednesday, May 23, 2001 False news becomes news; news that news was false does not become news. Sunday, May 20, 2001 Kinda like Plastic: www.smirkingchimp.com. Friday, May 18, 2001 Maybe it's because I'm reading James Ellroy's "A Cold Six-Thousand," that these things things show up to me like fireworks... A right-wing (maybe formerly right) reporter is being attacked because he's saying things that contradict a Bush appointee, things that shed a bit more light into that ol' vast right wing conspiracy against Pres. Bubba. If this were an Ellroy novel, somebody would be found gutted in a faked homosexual murder. From the story: "Right-wing commentators are lined up to take their shots. Online, Lucianne.com maven Lucianne Goldberg, the literary doyenne at the center of the Monica Lewinsky affair, posted an alert: The 'Turncoat Twinkie [Brock is gay] Attempts a Takedown,' and warned him against 'playing Chatty Cathy to the Senate Judiciary Committee,' taunting: 'David, darling, stop making a mess ... don't you know there are pictures out there?'" Thursday, May 17, 2001 I agree: Christian rock sucks. Tuesday, May 15, 2001 This also made me laugh. It has nothing to do with live adult entertainment, but it is still a bit disturbing. Tuesday, May 15, 2001 WARNING: Don't follow the following link if you wish to avoid beurocratic descriptions of adult entertainment and pizza. This is so disturbing and so very funny. It's the objective description in the documents that gets me. And the fact that they were serving all-you-can-eat pizza. Monday, May 14, 2001 Bush accidentally opens a Ted Olson brand can of worms. Olson deserves a reward. He helped out in Florida. He helped the cause with the Arkansas Project. He goes way back to Watt and Reagan. But the higher the slime floats, the more visible it becomes. Sunday, May 13, 2001 At last, Kalamazoo's been getting some exotic music combos, brought here by these folks. Here's the one I just found out about:
JULY 16, 2001 (Monday) Quintron's show this spring in Grand Rapids was just a taste of the weird-o New Orleans do-it-yourself entertainment. This time he's bringing the Drumbuddy, his organ, and Miss Pussycat. Miss Pussycat is to bring her puppets--yes, Flossie and the Unicorns. It will be a magical evening. Here's photos of Quintron, MC Trachiotomy and Mechanik in GR. Wednesday, May 9, 2001 Because they are taboo makes you want them even more... The First Twins: Jenna And Barbara Bush The site features the dish on scoops such as this: "Barbara ditched the Secret service at a toll booth on one of her NYC escapades: her vehicle had a electronic toll paying device, but the secret service had to slow down and find the correct change to pay toll. Once they paid, the black vehicle reached speeds in excess of 115 mph to catch up with Barbara. Babs and her friends still made it to the WWF at Madisoin Square Garden in time to see plenty of smack down action!" Tuesday, May 8, 2001 Read about Tom Waits. Monday, May 7, 2001 Why you are going to have to pay CD prices even if you don't get music on a CD. From this story: "However, Rosen said she expected the relative costs of delivering music online to mirror the costs of selling CDs, something Napster users who have been accessing their music for free might not be too thrilled about. "'It's really expensive to get CDs in stores, and really expensive to get songs on the radio,' Rosen said. 'And don't think that America Online is just going to put its favorite Warner Music artists on the front page of the service. "'This is now a third place that record companies are going to have to spend marketing money.'" "But legendary musician and producer Quincy Jones said that the music industry as a whole had dropped the ball on digital distribution. "'We have an archaic distribution system,' Jones said. 'It seems like there would be departments at record labels working on these systems 10 years ago. Right now though, nobody really knows how to make these kinds of systems work.'" Monday, May 7, 2001 Thursday, May 3, 2001 Go here and vote Daler! Get the punjab posse on MTV's TRL. (By the way, I've just been able to detect the search words that people use to find this site. Two phrases have been used in seperate instances: "Backstreet Boy's penis" and "Backstreet Boy's big long dick." Now, these words have apeared on this page in seperate paragraphs, but until now, they've never been together here. So, If you came here looking for hot pictures of gay man-love or whatever, I'm sorry. We might rant about George W. Bush and about how lame Britney Spears is, about how I played one of my favorite bands on SwaG! last night (Pussy Galore), but you should hold tight on your turgid self if you get hot and bothered over how there's no FREE PORN HERE or anything like that. Oprah's booty.) Thursday, May 3, 2001 Another story on the strange ways of money-handling in the music biz. It's long--I'm putting it here so I can read it later. You know once I do read it, I'll be using the word "swine" even more than usual. Thursday, May 3, 2001 Kitties. And a lovely MIDI version of "Achy-Breaky Heart." This is actually a fair representation of my state of mind this morning. Disturbing. Wednesday, May 2, 2001 Oh my crap. The one and only Dennis "The Velvet Touch" Awe will be giving a FREE organ concert this Monday, May 7, 2 p.m. and 7 p.m., at the Holiday Inn West on 11th street off of Stadium. Call for reservations--1-800-707-4244 or 343-9800--cause this mutha's gonna fill the house! Boy-eee. Just look at him! Can't you feel the organ power, the organ magic, the organ love? Tuesday, May 1, 2001 Payola for the 21st Century. Another reason why radio sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks. Tuesday, May 1, 2001 Radio's big bully. Yes, the same sad story: The swine own your radio waves. Friday, April 27, 2001 Advertisers never use hillbillies any more to sell their products. And that makes me sad. Friday, April 27, 2001 Just another example of corporate control of information, thanks to our friends in the RIAA. Thursday, April 26, 2001 I don't know who these guys are, but they seem to be of the south west Michigan area... I don't know, this all just scares me for some reason. (Wait--there's a Port Huron connection. That explains it, somewhat.) Thursday, April 26, 2001 Reports on the NAB 2001 conference, or, the meeting of those who control the broadcast culture. Deregulation for media corporations, and a bit of goat blood drinking on the side. The guy writing these stories, Ken Layne, sounds a little like Hunter S. Thompson, except it doesn't sound like he's on a lot of drugs. Tuesday, April 24, 2001 Celestial jukebox? Once again, SwaG! is ahead of its time. p.s. Orrin Hatch rocks! |
