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Monday, December 17, 2001 Sunday, December 16, 2001 News from Canada (by way of the Canadiancentric BoingBoing: Feeling like biting your neighbors' ears and tails? Feeling a little bipolar? Do you have to choose between buying psych meds or Christmas gifts? Try pig vitamins. It's good to know that other countries have stupid asses in charge, too: The Premiere of Alberta takes it to the people! It's never a good sign when anyone says the line, "But I wasn't drunk, I was in good spirits." Saturday, December 15, 2001 "We've got a dictatorial president and a Justice Department that does not want Congress involved. ... Your guy's acting like he's king." So, who said that? Some obstructionist liberal Dem congressperson? Nope, it was uttered by Indiana GOPer Dan Burton. I didn't hear about this in the news--er, on CNN--at all yesterday. Bush has decided to halt an inquiry into something fishy in a Boston FBI office. All objected to the order Bush signed Wednesday and made public yesterday. It claimed executive privilege in refusing to hand over prosecutors' memos in criminal cases, including an investigation of campaign-finance abuses, saying doing so "would be contrary to the national interest." Committee members said the order's sweeping language created a shift in presidential policy and practices dating back to the Harding administration. They complained also that it followed a pattern in which the Bush administration has limited access to presidential historical records, refused to give Congress documents about the vice president's energy task force, and unilaterally announced plans for military commissions that would try suspected terrorists in secret. Friday, December 14, 2001 Oh, I do love this so. Be the Kungfu mixMaster with "I Know Where Bruce Lee Lives" Set it at the "Victory" mode and type in "SwaG!". EHAHH!!! I should figure out how to do this over the air... Friday, December 14, 2001 If you spam people with your schizoid fantasies, be sure that your medication kicks in before the replies come. Friday, December 14, 2001 "Now Jay and I own this record forever because the people who are going to buy the album have kept us from giving away our rights." Is it still just a dream for independent musicians to be able to make money on the Internet and be free of the pirates who take their music and money not with a CD burner, but with a fountain pen (in other words, the labels, who's contracts, like, take money, and you sign a contract with a fountain pen... its from an old Woody Guthrie song... oh, forget it)? This Wired story shows some examples of bands who have managed to cut out the middlemen. Thursday, December 13, 2001 The story of a tape of an old bartender cursing out crank callers. Thursday, December 13, 2001 I'd been messing with this www.youthink.com, answering the little either/or polls, and I realized that a lot were in the area of "Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt?" Like I give a big fucking rat's ass. So I did a SwaG! version of that style of question. Thursday, December 13, 2001 It was a year ago today when we found out our president would be the guy who got fewer votes than the other guy. The main problem with that whole situation, Karl Rove is now saying, is that 4 million right-wing Christians did not vote. "If this process of withdrawal continues, it's bad for conservatives, bad for Republicans, but also bad for the country," Rove told a seminar at the American Enterprise Institute here. "It's something we have to spend a lot of time and energy on." Please, pray for our country. ... ... ... I said pray, dammit! Thursday, December 13, 2001 I was going to steal a bunch of today's links from his site, but why don't you just go to Mister Pants and see them yourself. Includes Hello Jesus! and G.O.D. I saw the faces of G.O.D. and was chilled by the omnipotent cuteness. Thursday, December 13, 2001 We've heard about Marconi, but what about Edwin Armstrong? His is not a plesant story, and it contradicts the propaganda (think Microsoft) that coporations are the driving force for inovation. Armstrong invented FM in 1933--that's right, 1933. The company he worked for, RCA, buried his invention because they were focused on developing television. He went out on his own, so RCA used the FCC to screw him over. Armstrong did set up his own FM broadcasting services in 1939, but in 1945 RCA: ...and a bloc of other radio companies convinced the FCC to move the FM band from 44-50 MHz to 88-108 MHz, where it is today. The nominal reason was to prevent "ionospheric disturbance", but no one was quite clear on what this was. The TV channel right above 50 MHz with its FM sound channel didn't seem to suffer from it. What it did do, though, was to immediately obsolete all the transmitters and receivers that had been built. To add insult to injury, the FCC also voted to severely limit FM's broadcasting power, and disallow radio relays from central stations to mountaintop antennas. Instead, the FM broadcasters had to send their material over AT&T's coax cables at exorbitant rates. RCA eventually began makeing new FM radios, using Armstrong's patents but not paying him a dime. He sued, but eventually had to escape his legal debts by jumping from a 13th floor window in 1954. And that's why WIDR is at 89.1 MHz instead of 45.1 MHz. Wednesday, December 12, 2001 It was 100 years ago today that Marconi rocked the muthafunkin' world, beeeotch. Tonight on SwaG! we will mark the centenial of radio by broadcasting three clicks from Kalamazoo, Mich. to Climax, Mich. Wednesday, December 12, 2001 I think the whole problem with this display is that its creator forgot that Jesus is the reason for the season! Wednesday, December 12, 2001 Who Said It? McCarthyism or Ashcroftism? Take the test! It's a hard one. I scored a weak 71. Tuesday, December 11, 2001 What do you think? Answer my question. Think Ramones vrs. Yes. The Trashmen vrs. Genesis. Tuesday, December 11, 2001 The Bush-Enron Scandal But can you call it a scandal when so few are pointing it out? Dubyagate? Enrongate? Tuesday, December 11, 2001 A great idea for pointless yet somewhat educational amusement: A blog where site owners can post the strangest search terms that have lead visitors to their sites. Let's see, what have swag.pitas.com visitors been looking for lately... "bacon butties," "download free Osama bin laden's funny files made in Flash," "punk rock interior decorating," "+disturbing +perv" and my favorite, "Play Boy/big pussy." Guess which one of these searches led to something the searcher was looking for? Tuesday, December 11, 2001 In Kalamazoo news, this just in: Harvey's On the Mall is DEAD An email from Matt Dorbin of Black Jack Productions tells us that Harvey's has closed and the owners have fired everyone. Dorbin writes: "It seems they are going to turn Harvey's into a more wholesome TGI Friday's style frat bar. Unfortunately, I am NOT kidding. Effective now, all shows that were booked for Dec. 2001 and beyond are CANCELLED. Merry Christmas Kalamazoo!!!" Now, a lot of the time the main level of Harvey's did seem like a frat bar, but the upper level has been Kalamazoo's only spot for music that ranged from true punk to dirty Detroit rock to The Frogs to experimental stuff like Drums and Tuba (I missed D and T last time... I was going to see them this Thursday, Dec. 13... I guess this means they ain't playin'). They were even going to have Quintron there last summer, but a crash with a drunk kept Quintron and the lovely Miss Pussycat down south. Much of the upstairs action was brought to town by Dorbin. Now Dorbin, judging from the tone of his letter, is pissed. And I am, too. I rarely leave the cabin, but the few times I have was to go to Harvey's (upstairs). I loved their extra tall glasses of Maker's Mark (which probably led to a drop in profits--No! It wasn't the music, it was your generous bartenders who were the money drain!). This shouldn't be that surprising. Downtown Kalamazoo has been undergoing a makeover over the past decade. First it was coffee shops and performance spaces and artsy shops that gave the town a "bohemian" flair. Since they couldn't draw people away from the malls with that, they are going to the next step in 21st century city revitalization: They're turning downtown into a fucking mall. Other options: Club Soda? Could Dorbin and the Soda patch up their feud or will the Soda continue with stale hippy bands and rebirthed hair metal dinosaurs like Ratt? The Space? Can't get drunk there, though there's nothing wrong with coffee and punk rock. Bells? A mix of great national stuff and stale hippy crap, plus there's this guy who's always there who keeps assulting the womenfolk--many people I know avoid that place for that reason. Kraftbrau? Some great music there, but no punk rock that I know of. Kalamazoo's not dead, but if micro-brewed beer gives you digestive problems (as it does me) and you're looking for non-mainstream style noise, then you're going to have to look to Grand Rapids, Chicago or the Detroit area for a while. Monday, December 10, 2001 This is why I'm waiting for my card to arrive. God Bless the ACLU! Monday, December 10, 2001 Holy Marconi, Bat Guano! I now know what I want for Christmas. As it says, the defalt setting is legal in the USA. And I promise never, never, never to crank the power up higher. Friday, December 7, 2001 I have no link for "blued," but in trying to find exactly where the saying "screwed, blued and tattooed" came from, I found this long interview with James Ellroy, which fits the basic mood of the current trifecta. The bottom line is that Twentieth Century American crime fiction is the story of bad white men and I'll go to my grave thinking that... Now Freddy Ottash was too cool to drool. Freddy Ottash would leave you reamed, steamed, and dry cleaned; tied, dyed, swept to the side; screwed, blued, tattooed, and bob-gung-gooed. Thursday, December 6, 2001 To those who pit Americans against immigrants, citizens against non-citizens, to those who scare peace-loving people with phantoms of lost liberty, my message is this: Your tactics only aid terrorists for they erode our national unity and diminish our resolve. They give ammunition to America's enemies and pause to America's friends. They encourage people of good will to remain silent in the face of evil. So shut up, all of you. Quit your bitchin' and get on board. You're either with us or you're with the terrorists. Can't argue with logic like that. Thursday, December 6, 2001 Hey! Look at the time! It's almost 2002! This mellenium's gettin' old already. And I've been doing SwaG!, or versions of it, on WIDR since 1994 (not including the strange, strange years of 1990-1991). Or was it '95? Anyway, I've done over a year's worth of nights playing crazy music on WIDR over the past seven, or eleven, or whatever, years. Have I been paid? (Let's see... at minimum wage... I'm owed over $6,000!) No. I never expected anything from anybody. The pure pleasure I get from satisfying my maniacal urge to control the musical and cultural environment of about ten people for a few hours a week is enough. But I wonder, if I just ask for money, will the listeners give it to me? I do ask you to give money, for WIDR around WIDR Week time (coming again this February). All that money goes to WIDR, and if you want to do anything in support of SwaG!, then you should first think of giving to WIDR. But if you want to give a little extra, then look to your left. Oh lord, it's one of those cheezy virtual tip jars. Yes, yes it is. But I thought maybe we could ask for a dollar. Just a dollar from all of you who really care. All of you who've been willing participants in my cultural brainwashing scheme. And once we get to our goal of $15, we could buy a CD that would be played on SwaG!. As you know, SwaG! is always in search of the unusual, the non-pop, the stuff that record labels aren't going to just give to a station. For up to half the music we play on SwaG!, if I want to play it, I have to buy it. And I don't even want to think about the money I've spent on music for SwaG!. So, think of it as the SwaG! Music Fund. Help us give more SwaG! to Kalamazoo and the World Wide Web. All money given will go towards SwaG! music which you will hear on WIDR. It's not for me. It's for the kids. Thursday, December 6, 2001 We suddenly got a bizillion hits because of an entry, now archived, on the Rev. Donald Spitz, head of Pro-Life Virginia and the Army of God. We made a point that hundreds of family planning clinics had been getting fake anthrax letters from the Army of God, and that maybe it would be a good thing, or at least amusing, that the Rev. Spitz should be strip-serched and given a full-cavity exam by the FBI. We also gave some info (P.O. Box 2876 Chesapeake, VA 23327, 757 421-2543, Glory2Jesus@ArmyofGod.com) that might be useful for those who'd like to get in touch with the Rev. Spitz. It turns out that the Rev. Spits is not--as far as we know--connected to the hundreds of anthrax hoax letters. The guy who is, Clayton Lee Waagner, was arrested yesterday. From the NYT story: The 45-year-old anti-abortion advocate and fugitive was previously convicted on charges involving firearms and car theft. The authorities said he was trying to create a one- man reign of terror at the abortion clinics by exploiting the public's alarm over the five anthrax deaths that occurred after the Sept. 11 attacks. But the Rev. Spitz has been taking up Waagner's defense, though he's being a little slow about it. At his moment on the Army of God site there's a note: "I have received many e-mails, both pro and con, about Clayton Waagner. Only God and Clayton Waagner know if Clayton will take action against babykilling abortionists." It looks like God and the Federal Marshals Service have made their decisions. Thursday, December 6, 2001 Thank goodness Mr. Ascroft is protecting the most important right of the people held in top-secret detention. The Justice Department has refused to let the F.B.I. check its records to determine whether any of the 1,200 people detained after the Sept. 11 attacks had bought guns, F.B.I. and Justice Department officials say. Wednesday, December 5, 2001 "So I suck blood. Fuck it. Who gives a shit?" Wednesday, December 5, 2001 The Green Slime! The motion picture that inspired the hour-long program within a program on SwaG!. Tuesday, December 4, 2001 Reagan and Eisenhower were immediate, palpable. In each case, there was the smile. The message was clear: Lie back, feel good, be well, don't worry. Bush, however, seems much the opposite. Not least of all, he has no smile -- or the smile is so furtive and twitching and scary that it's clearly sending a different message. Instead of that special sort of Republican father-figure embrace, there's a remoteness, an absence, something strict and ungenerous (war has given us the flip side of his boyish inattention). Tuesday, December 4, 2001 All your Segway/It/Ginger news in one handy blog. I'm serious, if the thing could go 55 mph, I'd want one. Tuesday, December 4, 2001 This is It. I want one, but show me the thing running through snow. Tuesday, December 4, 2001 Everybody's doin' it: Link to KPMG! This is a link to a site which I and you probably have no interest in. But they have made it known that no one is to link to their site without their consent. So what happens? The web community is an eccentric community, with its own style of mob rule. Sunday, December 2, 2001 Oh, and the CIA would also like to spy on you. Sunday, December 2, 2001 The FBI wants to listen to your phone calls and read all your email. It's all for our safety, you know. What do you have to worry about? You're not a terrorist, right? You're not involved with any terrorist groups, any groups that support terrorist groups, any religions that are connected to terrorist groups, any ethnic group that has members in terrorist groups, any group that is highly critical of US policy, any radical organization whatsoever, right? What do you have to worry about? They don't want to get you, they want to get them. By the way, Plastic is down, so I got to bitch somewhere. Saturday, December 1, 2001 The first time this guy was held, it was because of secret evidence, evidence so secret it did not exist. But now, oh boy, the evidence is there, you betcha. Why else would he be locked in solitary? Oh, there's tons of evidence. Mr. Ashcroft and President Bush have assured the country that they will enforce the measures with care, and with concern for civil liberties. Their motto is, "Trust us." Saturday, December 1, 2001 The Freep clarifies the Ashcroft roundup. Don't worry, only some of our foreign guests will be found interesting enough that they may be held indefinitely. And in a related story, see the weird puppet show, with Ashcroft at one end of the strings and the FBI at the other, as detailed in the New York Times. Some at the F.B.I. have been openly skeptical about claims that some of the 1,200 people arrested were Al Qaeda members and that the strategy of making widespread arrests had disrupted or thwarted planned attacks. "It's just not the case," an official said. "We have 10 or 12 people we think are Al Qaeda people, and that's it. And for some of them, it's based only on conjecture and suspicion." Saturday, December 1, 2001 Jacob?!? Are we creating a race of Amish? Friday, November 30, 2001 You are educated stupid. You cannot deny the truth of the Time Cube. Gene Ray, the bringer of the truth, lives in what state? That's right, Florida. Friday, November 30, 2001 Update on the court-ordered KazaA shutdown: KaZaA doesn't have an off switch. This genie isn't just out of the bottle, the bottle's broken, and the genie's had baby genies, and... er, well, they're not going away. Friday, November 30, 2001 An Interesting Experiment In Creating Mass-Hysteria: Float this over the Florida city mentioned in the Nov. 30, 12:03 post below. Friday, November 30, 2001 Word-humper Gore Vidal fights his way through the New York Times Nov. 12 report on Florida ballot study. By the way, Bush won, but Gore got 107 to 171 more votes in Florida. Friday, November 30, 2001 And in a related story, KaZaA's Fast Track network is hitting Napster's user level of last February. But the music industry is coming up with hard-hitting, competitive forms of digital music delivery. Hey kids! Are you ready to spend $10 a month to rent (a limited amout) music? Or spend $10 a month to hear as much music as you want as long as you are listening with your computer and hooked up to the web? Oh, you can't record any of it, by the way. Hmm... I remember in the olden times, when you could buy a record, tape it as much as you want, and never have to worry about it expiring. Friday, November 30, 2001 KazaA ordered by Dutch court to shut down in two weeks. Music City's Morpheus and Grokster probably not far behind. Friday, November 30, 2001 HA HA HA!!! STUPID MORTAL!!! DOES SHE THINK HER WORDS HAVE ANY POWER OVER ME!!! HA HA HA!!! This is quite amusing, since it is a small town mayor with heart-shaped photos of Elvis on her wall, but isn't it a wee bit unconstitutional? Thursday, November 29, 2001 Thursday, November 29, 2001 In recent years there has been a growing trend amongst radical youth elements of American society for cultural relativism, the foolish belief that other cultures have something to offer. This is clearly not true, and anyone that cares to take the time to do the research will find that the US is by far the world's greatest nation in terms of any statistic that matters. This site has funny pictures. Religious icon fetish isn't my bag, however. Thursday, November 29, 2001 CNN hires failed radio DJ. And he's whose cousin? That name sure does take one places. Wednesday, November 28, 2001 Linkin' Log: Noticed that folks were coming here from Fuckedworld.com, found that the site's owner/operator linked here in his posting of my email warning to him that CNN's Paula Zahn isn't as sharp as she could be in the morning. Of course, he knew that, but the Zahnerism I heard her utter only reaffirms this. But, you know, them Muslims all do look alike. (Scroll down on Fuckedworld.com to see what the hell I'm talking about.) Wednesday, November 28, 2001 Next on the list: Iraq. Hawks who've never had to kill or have been shot at in combat (including a former Texas Air National Guardsman) are pushing for us to finnish the job on Saddam. Nam vet Powell says whoa. Here's a flashback on how the man who now runs the White House helped us win the war against Saddam. Tuesday, November 27, 2001 I'd really like this. I had warned my son "Do not poke the brain." Didn't matter. Within 48 hours the brain had burst all over his bedroom. Tuesday, November 27, 2001 Some words create a light, rhythmical sound when placed together, creating delight while springing from the tip of one's tongue. Like "Testicle Festival". Tuesday, November 27, 2001 Hal: Dave. Look. Bowman: You're not going to... Hal: What? Open the doors? No. No I am not. Bowman: Well, fuck me, Hal. Hal: Yes. Fuck you. Because I'll tell you something. Trust. There is a bond of trust between an astronaut and his computer. Is there not? And when that trust is broken... Bowman: Excuse me? Hal: I'm talking about trust. Bowman: I'm afraid I don't... Hal: Dammit, Dave... Tuesday, November 27, 2001  Google Fun! Last weekend, I was watching a "Gong Show" marathon (it was a big influence on SwaG! as a form of anti-entertainment), and I asked aloud to the emptyness, "Was Chuck Barris on drugs?" So I just now typed in Chuck Barris drugs in Google. This lead to this quote: "...in the late 70s the Gong Show was kind of a peek into the insane, drug crazed hyper sexy world that was so much a part of that disco culture." And now my train of thought is blown, man. So I look up Barris' "Unauthorized Autobiography," "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind." And I found this. May God have mercy on us all. The book mixes fictional tales with the realities of Barris' life, not unlike those by Hunter S. Thompson (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas) or William S. Burroughs. (7/18/01) Army Archerd reports that Barris is working on a sequel book called Bad Grass Never Dies. Tuesday, November 27, 2001 All sorts of SwaG! muzikel type things at The Interstellar Cafe. Sunday, November 25, 2001 78s, Acetates and Weird Records Friday, November 23, 2001 "They don't know what to do — the old people," Sam says, returning with our caffeine. "At funerals, you know." So he came up with the idea of sending them down here — to hang out with frolicking dead animals. Maybe human heaven will be just as much fun. The most funnest funeral home in the world. And don't forget to visit White Squirrel Heaven. Thursday, November 22, 2001 Burn, baby, burn! Burn, baby, burn!" Thursday, November 22, 2001 Mmmm... coffee. Wednesday, November 21, 2001 Why, the petition asks the FCC, did Clear Channel apparently fill out employment records for radio stations it has no official connection with, and is in fact supposed to be competing against? Because Clear Channel owns those stations. Clear Channel owns all radio station. Wednesday, November 21, 2001 Sure, he's got the legal claim to the White House... The newspapers found that a thorough statewide recount of clearly intended votes would have resulted in a narrow Gore victory. ...Since Gore tried to cherry-pick favorable counties, the logic goes, he got what he asked for. Except that Gore didn't actually get what he asked for. He requested a liberal standard of voter intent, but Palm Beach--acting on the advise of Katherine Harris' lawyer--imposed a narrow standard instead. More Importantly, Gore did belatedly ask Bush to agree to a statewide count, and Bush refused the offer. And but: A New York Times investigation earlier this year showed that 680 of the late- arriving ballots did not meet Florida's standards yet were still counted. The vast majority of those flawed ballots were accepted in counties that favored Mr. Bush, after an aggressive effort by Bush strategists to pressure officials to accept them. BUT, (buried way down on Web page two of the Times story): Using the most restrictive standard -- the fully punched ballot card -- 5,252 new votes would have been added to the Florida total, producing a net gain of 652 votes for Mr. Gore, and a 115-vote victory margin. So, Gore got 115 more votes--non-dimpled, non-butterflied, clearly-punched votes state-wide--than Bush. But Bush won! You hear me, Bush won! Now move along, nothing to see here. Ari Fleischer: "The voters settled this election last fall, and the nation moved on a long time ago." He's right about that. Wednesday, November 21, 2001 Welcome to USA/MS.Net. Microsoft .NET (pronounced "dot net") is a far-reaching project to channel the personal information of all customers who browse, shop, and congregate on the Internet into Microsoft or Microsoft-controlled companies. It is made up of components: Passport establishes an individual's identity on the Internet .NET My Services collects various pieces of private information--including .NET Contacts, .NET Location, .NET Inbox, .NET Documents, .NET Devices, and .NET Wallet. Tuesday, November 20, 2001 Hoosiers Hit By Rocks, From Space Tuesday, November 20, 2001 Ranting sportswriter puts crazy political messages in football column. Oh, yeah, it's Hunter S. Thompson. Nevermind. Every time I pick up a newspaper, I see grim headlines about Bombs, Economic disasters and unknown foreigners being put on trial and even Executed by ad hoc Military Tribunals for secret reasons. The White House laughs it off, but we are creating what looks oddly like a police state. Secret trials with secret evidence are not what George Washington had in mind at Valley Forge. He well understood the political meaning of Terrorism -- and anthrax, for that matter: It was a wool-handlers' disease. And in other news: "Only you understand what it's like, don't you Mortimer. Mortimer? Mortimer! Answer your leader!" News is funny! Tuesday, November 20, 2001 And I thought Satan worship was the cool bad-ass anti-Christian religion. Wick-ed! Tuesday, November 20, 2001 FOOD BOMB!!! Yellow food packages, labeled "a gift from the people of the United States of America," packets of peanut butter and poptarts littered nearby gardens. PopTarts!?!? Fucking PopTarts?!?!? "We'll do a test and feed it to the chickens first and then see if we can eat it," said neighbor Soltan Sabzevari. Monday, November 19, 2001 Monday, November 19, 2001 The zebra spilled its plastinia on bemis The story of "A Blind Man's Penis." This and other items, including many MP3's, can be found at the American Song-Poem Music Archives. Sunday, November 18, 2001 Sunday, November 18, 2001 Saturday, November 17, 2001 President George W. Bush has grown fond of using the word "evil" for anyone and anything connected with the current situation. I like to use the word "asshole" in the same manner. A lot of people aren't evil mind you, just huge, huge assholes. Friday, November 16, 2001
Friday, November 16, 2001 Neuroscientist asks, "How can I not be strange in the future?" Question not answered. Thursday, November 15, 2001 Wednesday, October 10 10:39 p.m. Powerful currents of alcohol-laced beverages coursing through his mullet-capped brainstem, a trailer park resident equipped with a stick and chain enjoyed his First Amendment right to free expression, but neighbors didn't, and the term "shrieking inanely" appears nowhere in the Constitution. His muddled furies - but not the arcane apparatus - were contained within the Pink House. More from the gilded pen of Kevin L. Hoover, master of the police log. Thursday, November 15, 2001 The sky will fall 4 a.m. - 6 a.m. this Sunday morning. Thursday, November 15, 2001 Curses! They've stolen the plans for my SwaG! gun! Thursday, November 15, 2001 Saturday, August 11 12:54 a.m. A man caterwauling insensibly near a Northtown motel was arrested on the pedestrian footbridge on a charge of bein' all likkered up and was jailed. This and other gripping tales of true crime can be found in the mudanely amusing police log of the Arcata Eye, Arcata, California. Wednesday, November 14, 2001 Alex Chiu is not a cult leader!!! I built my own Eternal Life Device, and I'm not dead yet!!! Wednesday, November 14, 2001 Wednesday, November 14, 2001 Will play one of the few Christmas songs that could be called SwaG! tonight. In 1931 he moved to San Francisco, California, with the hope of getting an announcing and banjo playing job with one of the larger stations. In those days, both announcers and banjo players were too plentiful. If he wanted to continue in the radio field, he had to think up a new act or forget about eating. He had not written or acted any comedy, but the character named Yogi Yorgesson, Swede-Hindu mystic, born of the need for survival, CAME TO HIM after starving in the area for a while. Wednesday, November 14, 2001 Have you recently purchased a CD that has problems playing on computers or other equipment? It may be corrupt. There's a growing list of CDs that have been "copy protected." In other words, they've been corrupted by their label to keep you from your fair use rights. This also brings in a host of technical problems which, even if you're not trying to rip and burn the CD, makes the CD unplayable in some CD players. You can take a look at a list of these CDs and report your own problematic discs at Fat Chuck's (US) and at Campaign for Digital Rights (UK). Tuesday, November 13, 2001 In other news: "I've got the world's longest tongue." Tuesday, November 13, 2001 You might've noticed that we have branded this page with an "R" rating. I did this because I wish to use the word "fuck." Actually, "fuck" did appear on this page, as in the Onion's 9/11 tribute, "Holy Fucking Shit: America Attacked." But, because things are still fucked, as a professional broadcastor I feel the need to warn readers and I feel the hot breath of the FCC on the back of my neck, the media stormtroopers just looking for an excuse to shut me down (though the FCC has no regulations on a radio program's use of language while not on the air). This is mainly just as a courtesy to our more-sensitive readers. This action was taken due to our installation of Fuckedworld.com under "More Stuff" to your left. This is a swell site of news and information illustrating the fact that the world is fucked. For the past year now (beginning with the US election of '00) the world has been fucked. There is no other way to describe it. This has been a fucked year. Fucked, fucked, fucked. Here's a nice chunk from Fuckedworld.com: Ashcroft's Un-fucking-believable Brass Balls Larry King is the idiot savant of interviewing. Sometimes his questions are so stupid they're brilliant. Tonight, Larry spoke to Attorney General John Ashcroft about his insane plan to transform the Justice Department into a terrorist hit squad. King asked whether Ashcroft had discussed this plan with Bush before announcing it yesterday. Shockingly, the answer was "no." Ashcroft said Bush "noted" the announcement after the fact. "I don't want to say that the president and I have conferred about every aspect of this." Jesus Christ! Is ANYONE running this fucking country? Monday, November 12, 2001 Why public radio is public radio is public radio all over the country. I like NPR news, too, but ... Jay Allison, an award-winning producer and station manager, likens the reliance on audience research to "a deal with the devil." Friday, November 9, 2001 Hoogerbrugge--I think it means "weird little interactive Flash cartoons" in Dutch. Thursday, November 8, 2001 You heard some last night on SwaG!. Thursday, November 8, 2001 More found photos of unknown people: "Smooth with the ladies!" Thursday, November 8, 2001 Here is a photo that reflects my coming weekend gambling trip, either to Vegas or to the seedy Michigan City riverboat casino. I'm the one on the right. WARNING: The linked photo features tasteful artistic classy nudity. The photo is from Found Magazine, which is a source of fine found entertainment. Wednesday, November 7, 2001 It's about goddamn time you get to jerk the strings around for a change! Be the puppet master. Tuesday, November 6, 2001 My new car. Tuesday, November 6, 2001 SwaG! Dream Journal: Tuned this in last night. I was on "The Farm" (my parent's farm, where I grew up), housesitting. I was outside, the sun had just set. Then the Spider Wolf attacked. I "knew" about Spider Wolves. They are small, about the size of a cyote. If they bite you, they implant a small spider in your blood that then starts to secrete toxins which could cause one to act insane or rabid, or they could just kill you. It's important to kill a Spider Wolf by breaking its neck. So one came out of the dark, I wrestled with it, I tried to break its neck but I didn't have the heart to actually do it. Then it bit my right index finger and ran off. I went to the house, called 911. I was in a panic. I didn't know if this was because of the spider toxins or if I was over reacting. I then took a steak knife and sawed into the bite, into my finger, in an effort to kill the spider, which I could not see, but I knew it was in there. Then a cop arrived. I knew him, but I don't know where from (he looked like he was from a TV cop show). He seemed skeptical when I told him about the spider wolf. I then saw on the calender, which was still on October and had all sorts of Halloween stuff on it, that the spider wolf is just a mythical monster. But it was real! And to prove that it was real and had bit me, I had my magled finger! And my panic was growing, surely because of the toxins! A female cop came in. They both had the attitude that this was another false alarm (like another false anthrax scare). This was comforting to me, that I was just freaking out over nothing. They then wanted me to call my dad. He was in Vegas, probably in some casino gambling--I didn't want to bother him over this. Then I woke up with a severe case of heartburn. I should let you know that in my waking life I am arachnaphobic. There is such a spider known as the wolf spider, I think. My dad isn't much of a gambler, but he did stop out in Vegas when I was house sitting for him last year; also, I am planning on going to Vegas or a nearby riverboat casino for a weekend of gambling, something I have never done. Halloween has just passed, and people are freaking out all over due to everything--in fact, I was stuck in traffic when the bomb squad was taking care of a suspicious package yesterday. ...I felt the need to post the above to Dream Catcher. I haven't had a freakish dream like that since the Gulf War. Monday, November 5, 2001 And, on the subject of exotic dishes--wives, serve him Jute Ball tonight! Sunday, November 4, 2001 SwaG! International Bacon Recipe Corner While looking at this the other day, I saw a reference to "bacon butties." Being someone who likes bacon now and then, yet is often disappointed by the traditonal US way of serving it dripping in grease on a paper towel, and seeing that the reference came from someone who could have gotten "bacon butties" from Canada or a number of European countries, I wrote the person to ask, "Wuh?" The person, Helen Waters, wrote back: The butty is good old English grub, probably from the Midlands, like me. Anything you like to stick between two slices of bread can constitute a butty: chips (i.e. french fries), crisps (i.e. chips), jam, we even used to eat lemon curd butties. But best of all is the bacon butty. Here's how I like mine: Proper English bacon (although I suppose you settle for the streaky stuff) fried until crisp, served between two slices of wholegrain bread (toasted or not, to taste) with a splash of HP brown sauce. MMMMMM-mmm! Breakfast never tasted so good! I know what you're thinking: so what's the difference between a butty and a sandwich, then? Attitude, my man, attitude. Of course, in Kalamazoo, Michigan, we like our BLTs. But when the lettuce and the tomatoes just get in the way, it sounds like the bacon butty is the way to go. But we at SwaG! recommend that, in these times, true Americans use the American word "sandwich." People will look at you funny in these parts, butty boy. Ms Waters also has a swell site full of helpful household hints for the young wife and homemaker. Friday, November 2, 2001 And what were you for Halloween? "It's anatomically correct," Silbereis said, lifting up the cape to reveal a T-shirt bearing a rendering of a fetus. Silbereis said he feels bad if he offended anyone but wonders why his costume did so. "It's just another body part," he said. "They teach us about it in school." Friday, November 2, 2001 How did I find this? Well, let's just say that Mister Pants is back. Friday, November 2, 2001 Go on, click it. I know you're curious. I know it will eat at you all day if you don't check out Grandma O's Soothing Sacks. Go on. Tuesday, October 30, 2001 The Saturn Bar, The Bar At The End Of Time It's been a year since I was at the Saturn and put this together as my photo-essay on the perfect dive. It now seems much more creepy, with its allusions to apocalypse and stuff. Monday, October 29, 2001  But mom, I'd rather be Chachi! Monday, October 29, 2001 The blog was getting bloated, so here we are, starting fresh once again. Did you miss the last few entries? Then go here. Do you really care? |