Terrible Terrible News

I have heart-wrenching news to report to e-land. Celine is back! I'm going to go buy stock in Goody's Headache powder, now - I'll be rich. Then I can spend the money I make to bribe all televison, radio, & webcam stations to never air anything Celine has ever sung. How much do you think that would take? Maybe they'd do it voluntarilty and only say that they took my money, considering me a hero. So, go out and stock up on Goody's products, they work really well, but try not to get any on your tongue, it's really bitter. For those of you who don't know what it is, Goody's is a combination of acetametophin, aspirin, and many very special special ingredients that you pour down your throat to relieve the pain that accompanies such things as Celine. Maybe I'll buy 51% of the shares and remarket it as Goody's Cure for Celine! This stuff is potent, after all, it's like taking 4 aspirin, 6 tylenol, 2 advil and washing them down with Premium Osco Tequila. If you're more discriminating than that, there's always Persident's Choice.
Tuesday, April 2, 2002
09:49 a.m.
by: adam douglas payne