Wherefore Does Not Mean Where!!!!!!

Part of me wishes I had never learned this so I wouldn't be so frustrated all the time by these apparently professional writers who don't even know English. The latest blasphemy to the language was in a cartoon. I don't remember the exact context or even the cartoon, but I do remember the warm rage in my heart. So if by chance people find this on the permanence of factuality that is E, "wherefore" means "Why." It makes the line in R & J so much more meaningful, doesn't it? In something of a similar vein, what is it with Channels such as Bravo & A&E & AMC playing the stuff they're playing? In one night I saw that 'True Lies' was on A&E and 'Short Circuit' was on AMC. I have nothing against 'True Lies' - I like it, but it doesn't belong on A&E! Yes, it's entertainment, but that's not what that particular E is supposed to stand for. Remember when Bravo was for opera & ballet & performance art & all that stuff? Around the same time they had only great actors on the Actors' Studio show (Haley Joel Osment is up for a Lifetime Achievement Oscar next year, I think)? Bravo also used to never have commercials during the movies, I remember because I taped dozens off of that channel in college. Is this simply evidence of the ungoverned growth of stupidity in our land of opportunity or is it more sinister than that? I can imagine a big Viacomish Executive having just bought Bravo seeing it's miniscule share off the ratings and saying, "Who cares if we bastardize it, it's not makiing enough money." Worse yet: How can they dignify calling 'Short Circuit' an American Movie Classic? Steve Gutenberg & Ally Sheedy are next on James Lipton's agenda, I guess, and then they'll bring the robot out and ask him questions about method acting. Oh yeah, Turner has de-colorized 'Howard the Duck' and plans to show the new classy version in competetion with 'The Ten Commandments' on Easter Sunday. "We can't make the stupid people feel bad about themselves and maybe motivate them to learn something, we must, I repeat, must cater to the lowest common denominator at all costs, even if it means making 'ain't' a word in the dictionary, oh wait that already happened." Harrison Bergeron, are you listening?
Monday, August 5, 2002
09:41 a.m.
by: adam douglas payne