948.75 Miles by Land, 294.05 Miles by Sea, and 36 Holes of Golf in Between

Well, not by Sea, by Air, but I feel kinda seasick today. That was my weekend, but my brother-in-law had it worse, taking the last 300 by land. Well, maybe it was worse for me. At the airport last night I forgot to take my cigarettes out of my shirt pocket so I set off the machine. Unlike before when they'd let you empty your pockets and go through again, now they search you no matter what. In the guy's words, "Once you set it off, you're finished." So, I had to unbuckle my pants at the airport. At least I didn't have to pull them down, though, as I was wearing my heart-boxers. When I got home the mewlers were standing there pensively because they broke one of Amy's dishes. I could see the guilt in their eyes, as plain as their poo on the floor (only a metaphor, there wasn't any poo on the floor). There was a time when such a jaunt wouldn't've effected or affected me at all, but I'm tired today. I don't know if it's the few more years or the less-few more pounds that has me tired. What was the best part, though, was not having any luggage on the plane, at all. Only a book and my ticket. I'll have to do that more often, just buy a new set of clothes when I get wherever I'm going and sell them to a resale shop before going home. Or maybe I'll start a business that supplies wardrobes to transients and business travelers, etc. for a monthly fee. No more suitcases in the world! Only love. As far as the golf goes, I won the first hole (getting par while my far-superiorily golfing in-laws got bogies), and lost the next 35 rather handily. It was fun, but I do wonder how much self-mutilation is in my family history (i.e. Medieval Ascetics and such), because it destroys me sometimes (yes, just like being a Cubs fan and a wannabe creater). Maybe it's all because of my last name!?!? Well, one last thing: I had to sit between two guys who wouldn't stop talking on the plane. When I politely told them that I was to sit between them - the aislemost man curtly said something like "you go right ahead" - like he was about to call me "bub." I guess he didn't realize that it wasn't my fault, that I didn't sit there on purpose, like I chose to sit there merely to annoy him. Well, he got me back for that, I tell you what. Their touron stories were a genital-measuring contest or some thing. It was contagious too, as some guy from across the aisle interjected how he had bought a plane ticket for $2,200. What an idiot! If I ever did such a thing I'd beat my head in shame, and the last thing I'd do is proclaim it in public, and especially on an airplane. Maybe we Paynes aren't so self-foolish after all.
Monday, August 19, 2002
04:12 p.m.
by: adam douglas payne