I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY TIRED... I mean, six hours of sleep is not that bad, but I'm still really tired! That seminar room at ARL-A [Army Research Laboratory - Adelphi] was so cold... I was freezing. I was also falling asleep, and my head kept falling back. Unfortunately, I was in the front, and I didn't want to make a terrible impression, so I had to act like I was conscious at least.

I'm so dead with making layouts... This blog is in need of a new layout. Although I think he really is too feminine, I am going to make a Kang Ta layout just for my dear Tina. Besides, even if he is girly... Well, he can just be another bishounen, right?

Reading what is going on at the Gayo blog... Well, I can't say everything isn't her fault. It goes both ways perhaps... Whatever. My opinion? Click-B is okay. Baby V.O.X. is okay. BoA is okay. FinKL... Ew. I don't like FinKL. S.E.S. is much better. H.O.T. is good. Shinhwa is good. Fly to the Sky is the best. How's that for bias?

*yawn* I'm in love with the dance for We Are the Future. There are lovely pictures of Kang Ta at Ailyna's World . I think some of them are for his solo album promotion. Anyways, I love guys in suits. Haha. So even though I've known the guys on Blair's volleyball team for two years, and I can't say I find any of them hot... T_T Even I was whoaed by them in suits! Agh, Kang Ta is the prettiest little boy ever seen! *Kang Ta doll* Okay, I'm being scary. *hands doll to Tina*

Now for some random comments on Kang Ta pictures: See, even he had Fany hair! [He sweats Fany.] Oh, dear, I had those kind of bangs... Last week. Lipstick, my dear? Wow, he looks Hye Sung [but skinnier face]. Oh, what the heck, they all had the same hairdos sometime or the other.

You see, I never have this much fun looking at chink guys.

One of the few tests I didn't take from Quizbox.com ...

And the results... *drumroll*

Your view on yourself

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girl/boyfriend you are looking for.

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship.

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love.

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you.

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success?

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Do not give up when you have not even started yet! Be courageous!

What are you most afraid of?

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self?

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart, rather than your head, needs to solve.

Aiya... The last one seems true enough to me though. I don't have half as much trouble helping others than when I'm trying to help myself. Actually, the only one I have a little bit of a problem with it the seductiveness one... Now, I don't mind... But, I doubt that's how I really am.

Personality tests are oh so lovely. This one was from Emrys' blog.

Yes, contacts are convenient and all, but I'm so used to my glasses that it ain't funny.

So this stuff about ho's and hoe's... I always thought it was ho personally. I remember seeing a shirt with a dog and a rake on it with "bitch" pointing to the dog and "hoe" pointing to the rake... I'm assuming that's supposed to mean "hoe" as in garden rake. Anyways, "ho" makes much more sense because it's actually in wHOre... Gotta agree with Emrys there.

Haha, Jo , you're definitely the number one fan of Bijou. That's the problem with Korean groups... They just disappear after those contracts expire sometimes. I really don't like FinKL. And about Harisu... I thought she/he looked kind of pretty at first, but with a different view, she/he looked pretty ugly... Hehe.

Waii, I really like Elva Hsiao!

I'm thinking about my dream guy. He must make up for all my deficiencies. Haha, this is going to sound strange, but...

He must be tall, to make up for my shortness. Okay, maybe 5'5" ain't that bad, but it's too short for my liking. He must have biggish feet, because mine are too small and ultimately, I will not grow any more because they're so frigging small. Haha. He must have thick hair, because my hair is so thin. He must have big eyes, 'cause I do have chinkish eyes. Xuan yan pi is good, too. Haha. Double eyelids.

Okay, that's more than enough... I'm scaring myself.

Oh Tina! I read that Kang Ta will be in China on a photo shoot for his solo album to be released in August... Too bad you'll be back from Taiwan/HK/China before it's released... And you won't be there while he's there, either. Aww. Well, Jet Lo will do, right?

That's exactly how I felt when I found out that Fly to the Sky was in Hong Kong. Wah.

Tina dear, you never fail to amaze me! But I must say the I love... ******* *** thing was a little too scary for me to take.

And concerning whether or not Sang looks like Kang Ta, or whether Sei-Wook looks like Kang Ta... Maybe Sang's chin. Maybe Sei-Wook's... Nah. I have no idea. Man, how come some Koreans are so tall? Haha.

Haha, I took my passport picture at Costco with wet hair, and I looked stoned. But that's the usual, isn't it? About SAT scores... Haha, I came back Friday night from Tomb Raider. It was pouring outside [I could just imagine the hot asian guy walking around outside with his long bangs dripping down his face... Who am I kidding?]. Aww. How romantic. I got my SAT II scores back for the Math IIC... But I got a 790, even with like two hours of studying max... Haha. Pretty good. I can now laugh at the people who studied for a week at least, looked at five different books, and... Got the same score as me! Right. I'm so smart. Sike... Let's not think about report cards.

Go see Jet Li with Jet Lo!!! Ooh, I'm a genius.

So I got contacts and a haircut. My sister informs me that I look strange. Why, thank you.

Well, fww's moving to a new server soon! Yahoo! I can't believe it... It has been almost a year since I started doing HTML, and it's been almost a year since I opened that very first crappy layout of fww. Wow...

I have big plans to make an collective of shrines to various anime/manga characters. I wanna think of a good name. So... Shiawase or Kihaku? I'm attached to Shiawase, but Kihaku is not bad sounding either... Kihaku means soul, and I think Shiawase means fortune or something... Oh, here we go. Happiness or good fortune.

Oh, yea... I added Liz to my list of link people... Yet another Rockville person... Whoohoo!

Tomb Raider was good!

Okay... I'm currently trying to learn how to use FTP... Goodness. I knew I was going to have to actually learn how to do this eventually, but...

I just got contacts today, and I'm getting a bit of a headache... Bleh. I feel rather nauseated. So I was at Sears, trying to take out my contacts. Okay. Sounds simple enough? Dude, I must have tried fifteen times before I got the first contact out... Yucky red eyes.

Oops, must go practice piano now.

Fine then. I'll get off the internet. I've been on for like... 10 minutes. Blah. Asian parents.

Gah! I can't believe I've downloaded more than 350 mp3s in my lifetime... Well, that might not be too much to you, but with my sucky internet connection, that's a heck of a lot. They're not all on my computer though... Hehe. I burn most of them on CDs, since I'm such a "conserve space" freak.

And I'm still downloading... *twiddles thumbs* I need to convert the Fany and Bada singing Beauty and the Beast live to mp3 format...

AHHH!!! HOT BOYS ON THE LOOSE!!! Haha, I'm kidding. But Brian and Tony together? *dies* Haha. Now we just have to see Fany, Kang Ta, and Hye Sung together... The ultra singers slightly girly looking ones... Haha.

I sound like some Korean wannabe maniac. Oh, well. I'm sorry, but Chinese guys sing funny! Well, I liked the one song by Alec Su and the other by Power Station, but that's about it... I think after I listened to Alex To's Sexy Baby [a very hideous song], I just decided that Chinese male pop was... Ickyish. Let's see... Andy Lau's my mom's age basically. Too old! Hehe.

Yup, I definitely sound like a ditz. Oh, well. I'm really liking H.O.T.'s Time Will Tell, Hee Jun's Persia Black Hole, and Elva Hsiao's Chuang Wai De Tian Qi. Coco Lee's not very good... Well, she's talented, but I can't stand her songs. T_T

You know, this whole entire azn pryde thing really does get to me. I can't stand the people who tyPE lYkE dIS~. There was one girl who used to im me quite often, and she typed like that, and she was always talking about this hot asian guy and this other hot asian guy... And guess what? They were all pressed over her, cute little asian girl.

I'm sorry... Do I sound like I care?

But, she has stopped talking to me, which is perfectly fine with me.

Anyways, awhile ago, there was a diversity workshop for our NSL and English classes, and one of the "exercises" was to think of stereotypes of your race that you didn't like. I was in the group of asians, along with Tina, Alex, Stephen, Ji Heon, Sanjay, and Lisa, I believe. [Grr] We came up with a nice long list... Alex took it, but I still remember some.

Basically it was just a list of stereotypes such as: chinky eyes, gelled hair [for guys], rice, chopsticks, we don't all own cleaners or takeout places, we're not all chinese, we're not all related, we're not sneaky, we're not cheap, we don't all speak fob english...

I remember, whenever I was out with an asian friend [back in Indiana], people would always be like, Hey, are you two sisters? Now, it wouldn't be bad if they said that because I seemed so close to my friends, but I knew it was because we were both asian. And of course, the "Oh, you two look so much alike!" You gotta be kidding me...

When people see an asian person, they do usually think that the person is Chinese. Unfortunately. For me, since I am Chinese, I can usually tell if another person is Chinese, Korean, Japanese, or Vietnamese, etc. Just something you learn.

Also, asian people aren't just the oriental ones. Indians are asian, too.

Why am I yammering so much about being asian? Hmm. What a hot topic.

I was reading Liz's blog, and I found it quite funny. Hehe. I'll share my own little Chinese rants.

Does anyone remember when they were younger... Well, I was in second or third grade... The old "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, smell my feet" something like that...? Chinese = slanted up eyes. Japanese = slanted down eyes. When I was younger, I lived in a white town... Indiana is white country. I'm sorry if that sounds... Racist. But it's definitely true. The state's only 1% asian! Also, when I was in first grade, my best friend told me I wasn't invited to her birthday party because "her father was allergic to asians."

Weird. And I'm serious. Whenever I go to Korean markets, I'm sure they can tell I'm Chinese, and they do look at me funny. I go to a pretty racially diverse school: Blair has more African American people than white people, a lot of Hispanics/Latinos, Asians, etc. But I really can't stand it when people fake their "azn pryde," and all that crap. It's one thing to be proud of your heritage, but it's quite another to flaunt it.

Wow, that was a lot.

I'm feeling refreshingly good... Surprisingly good. Considering I didn't die trying to do chin-ups... I AM AMAZING!!!

Jo-chan , that was really strange of Jen to do... I'm confused. Things pass over my head way too easily. Reading some of her older entries... Whoa. She's certainly... Blunt. But I really don't want to comment on someone I've never even talked to... T_T Haha, I think you're very cute and funny! Besides, you have excellent taste when it comes to guys... [Fany! Muahaha.] Don't let this weird stuff faze you. ^^

Ah... I love it when people have crushes on other people, and they come to me! *feels special*

TINA LOVES **** **! *censored* Tina would kill me... Since I love Tina Shrimp so much, I won't say it out loud here... *muffled*

I really love Bijou's I Love You More Than Anyone Else. I think it's called Noo Goo Boda Nuh Rul Sarang Hae in Korean? Haha. Not sure.

Haha. Well, I expected no more from the duck than what he gave. He's too predictable. I'm too corny.

Haha... I love you Tina! I love you, really! Haha. You sound more disappointed than me. I'm not even disappointed. Tim dear, if you read my blog, you will know. However, I don't like Yin. That's pretty sick.

And to think the first time I saw H.O.T. [Lisa's weird Candy tape], I thought he had huge ears. And that was all I thought. I have decided that he's not too bad after all. Haha, Debby, you can still have him though. I got my Fany boy... I swear, everyone tells me that my buddy icon [which is of Fany dear] looks like a girl, or he looks like he's wearing makeup. Grrr.

Some guys are simply hard to talk to. Okay. I'm convinced that I can talk to my friends' crushes just fine, but no way can I handle a conversation with a guy I like. Hmph. I am cursed. And although I have all the "skills," I still can't ever find the right words to say. But I've learned one thing: there's no point in really liking someone unless you know you can tell them sometime. Regardless of how stupid you sound.

It's amazing how I can keep my composure. Actually, I'm about to die laughing right now. At myself. Because I do crazy crap like I just did today and yesterday. Perfect. And tomorrow I get to go out with some of my friends and see a movie.

And I say we see TOMB RAIDER!!! Haha, sorry Jess and Stina. Tina, I refuse to see Pearl Harbor with you. I wouldn't be able to hear the movie anymore over your screaming.

I guess we shall never know the end of it. Oh, well. Good enough ending for me. As long as Donkey Kong and Britney Spears do not walk off into the sunset together, I'm fine. Haha, I'm kidding.

Man. I love my idiocy.

ooh baby, i did not see that coming. haha. mebe it happened this year too. hm. so the little prom date crisis is over now! nyah! bwahaha. thats awesome! only kinda unfortunate, but still.

I didn't see it coming either... TINA! No prom date, no prom date... I'll talk to the other guy, but I don't think the same thing will happen. Or at least, I don't think I could take it. I'd die or something. Anyways, we'll see whose advice we must take... Yours or Alvin's. Or Maria's, for that matter.

Oops, Jo-chan ... Wow! That's a really nice image! Haha. I'm stupid, or just losing my mind at the moment. Wow... *determined to master her Photoshop*

Okay, guys... Why is that I have the worst timing? I would elaborate, but my mom's yelling at me to get off...

Goodness. I am so stupid at times. But usually it ends up working out. Freshman year was definitely a blast.

Always such bad timing. Goodness.

Is it every six minutes or every six seconds? I'm convinced it's every six seconds for guys, and every six minutes for girls. Daniel Tsui, I am not wrong.

Jo-chan , that new layout is awesome! I have a thing for nice blue layouts... T_T Now, how come I can't find a nice image of water anywhere... So I was searching on Metacrawler, and I got some site of nice water babes in bikinis... Not exactly what I was looking for... Haha.

Yes, Hye Sung is one cool dude, too. I downloaded a performance of T.O.P. awhile ago, and he looked very nice... Haha. But too many people like him! I should really go for Eric's cheekbones. I think it was from watching the Hae Gyul Sah video that got me into those cheekbones...

You know... I downloaded the Korean version of Love by S.E.S. Maybe I'm too used to the Japanese version or something, because I like that version way better. Hehehe...

Jeanne and Ruby left for Taiwan! Someone better get me that Fly to the Sky stuff I'm dying for... 1 CD, 2 CD, VCD! [spoken in fob accent]

Haha. I got my SEAP stuff finally. Goodness, eight hour days?!! I'm not ready! All for that 1400 dollar education award... I get to program my summer away. Or at least for the next two months.

All so I have some crap to put on my college applications in two years.

Song: "Chinese Rapper's Delight" - Tai Mai Shu

I am determined to go see that movie. Angelina Jolie is pretty cool. I think it's the lips. Daniel [Tsui], I'm not that horny. Maybe all guys are horny, but I'm not. Well, maybe horny for Fany, if you must put it that way...

Oh, yes, I uploaded the new layout this morning. It's Minwoo from Shinhwa, and the wonderful drawing is by Kyoko Tsuchiya. I found it somewhere... I'm definitely making the one image of Minwoo Yo!-style into a gbook layout. Haha. It's just that before, when we were planning to do Yo! for next year's Magnet Arts Night performance, I was supposed to be the magnificent Minwoo. I have a thing for the stringy outfit thing.

Although I must say I love Eric from Shinhwa's cheekbones very much.

Quite annoying... My personal page [Illusion] is not working. Envy.nu is being quite annoying. It says the file's there in the site manager, but then when I try and access it, it's "missing."

Ew, I hate these S.E.S. talk songs. Accidentally downloaded one. I can't believe I deleted all my Fly to the Sky mp3s off my comp. This is what happens when I go nuts because I've taken up more than half of my hard drive space. Of course, they are all on CD, and backed up on another CD, but... I'm still freaking out.

Did I ever say Alvin looked like Minwoo? I was kidding, I'm sure now...

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, DANIEL KU?!! My friend [or can I even call you my friend], why are you so screwed up?

Thank you, thank you very much.

Sometimes I wonder how I came to like you. Maybe because you're still an adorable little idiot even though you're so screwed up.

Maybe I'm the screwed up one.

We can both be screwed up! Lalala. *dance*

Ryan, how's that for lightheartedness! Huh? Huh?

I am truly going nuts.

Man, talking to Ryan can be so dreadfully depressing. I'm sorry dude, I know I've neglected you this year, along with all sorts of other people, but I've been way too caught up in all my own stupid little troubles.

And I realize that none of them are worth anything. WHY DO GUYS ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME?!!

--------- TY: put me in your blog!
--------- TY: :-(
--------- TY: be like
crunkchild: haha
--------- TY: "i have this peachy friend timmy"
crunkchild: i will be sure to

I am sure to. Lalala.

Okay, I feel like an idiot, but I think I'm starting to cope with my idiocy. I'm really starting to wonder why I wrote that entry in my blog... Okay. I want him to know. I don't care if he knows. In fact, I swear that if he doesn't know already [and even if he does], I'm telling him in like... A week. I swear I need to tell him before Lindsay's party just so I can see the kid try and hide from me at the party. Haha. Why do I find that funny? But I do.

Oh, yea... I never mentioned that I finally got my site collective up. And my personal site up, too.

Lalala. I hate males. Except for the hot ones.

Song: "Qing Ni Xian Wen Ni Zi Ji" - Elva Hsiao

Goodness, when was the last time I did that?

Subject: Hi again everyone!!
Name: Brian JOO

Well, It's me again. i just wanted to say that I'm still in America and that my stay here is great. I'm getting the rest I needed and I'm meeting all my old friends. Right now I'm at the one and only BOB's house talking and catching up with old times. I wanna say sorry on his behalf for not updating the site in such a long time. Even though he is my boy and I love him as a friend and all, he is mad lazy...HeHeHe!!

Well, I hope that, those of you who began your summer break or graduated from either Junior High or High School have a fun and SAFE summer. Don't get into any trouble and keep away from illegal activities. I know that you guys have friends who are gonna wanna take you out drinking and whatever, but don't ever hesitate to tell them NO! You are your own person and if your so-called friend tries and forces you then you know that they are not your real friend. I myself don't drink or smoke so when I went to parties in High School, I just talked to people and chilled. You don't always need alchohol to have fun. Also, don't have too much fun and forget to go to Church on Sundays. Well then, God Bless you guys and I guess I'll be randomly coming back in here to read all your messages. For those of you in NY, Philly, DC, VA, and of course NJ, I guess I'll c u around if we bumo into eachother. If you c me, please do not hesitate to come up to me and say HI. Takecare Ya'll!!!!

In Him,
Brian JOO

Goodness... So cute! Oh, the actual url is here . Too bad Fany's... Illiterate.

Haha. I was reading Jo-chan's blog , and all her asian culture and music ramblings made me want to write about some stuff, too. It's weird because Jo-chan lives in my city... Funky. But she never emailed me back. I must've been too scary. Haha. Or maybe she got offended that I've never listened to Turbo... T_T

Haha. Whatever. You know... I'm sorry. Chinese pride and all, but Chinese music is not that good. Chinese male singers always make me laugh. Their voices are so low! *boggle* The girl singers aren't too bad. Don't judge by Coco Lee. Sometimes I just can't stand that girl.

I finally saw Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon the other day during our Journalism exam. Well. Chow Yun Fat is pretty cool, but I always wonder exactly how they could screw his name so badly in the romanizations. And Michelle Yeoh? Goodness. I thought she looked pretty in the movie, but then in the interviews, she looked like one of those middle-aged asian mothers who wear too much frigging makeup... Ugh.

So I was going through the Fly High forums, and Brian actually posted! Wow! I was like, whoooooooooooooooa. It was so cute. I nearly died. Dang. Too bad Fany's a bit illiteratish. Haha. I can say all the worthwhile words. Sarang hae yo. Young won hee. Chal sengin namja. Uh...

Not sure if I spelled that last one right. I love you. Forever. Hot boy. [Good looking boy, same thing] Haha. And then he'll keel over because of my terrible accent.

Oh, yea... Kang pae. [Thug.] Doubt I'd say that to him, though. Actually, maybe it'd be... Refreshing.

Did I mention I finally got my Wallops photo journal page up? For all y'alls who bothered me... Or all you people who want to know what the Blair Magnet did at Wallops, you could check out my photo journal project. Pretty crazy.

I meant to write something deep and meaningful... Nah. Too sedated.

You know, something I realized... It's so hard to cope when you simply don't know a friend anymore. Just thinking back. When I was in middle school, seventh and eighth grade, Elizabeth really was my best friend then. And now, we barely talk. I don't know what's going in her life, and she certainly has no idea what's up in mine.

I realize that I haven't talked to her in the longest time. Yesterday, she talked to Christina and me for awhile. Or should I say, she talked to Christina and looked at me every now and then. It was amazing. She cussed. She called her father an ass. She spazzed like anything. Dang. She was totally changed from what I remember. She...

Wasn't anything like what I remembered. In a way, I feel sad about it. In some other ways, maybe it was meant to be...? Haha. I don't like that idea.

I think she's still mad at me because of before... Ever since high school started, and I went to Blair and she went to WJ, things have changed. Only for the worse. I'm not always sure what went wrong. She felt that I talked about going to Blair and the Magnet all the time, and certainly, I did talk about it a lot. School's my entire life basically. How can I not talk about it? I can see where she's coming from, and I tried talking about it less.

But then it seemed as if we really did have nothing to talk about at all.

No matter what Tina says, I can't go back. Dang. I'm an idiot. I don't know how I feel. I feel... Ill. You make me sick.

Yes, I'm a frigging idiot. I can't believe I hid that from my closest friends. I didn't tell anyone. Seriously. Apart from Tina, Alvin, and Griff... I'm sorry Andrew... I wasn't lying to you before when I said I didn't like him. 'Cause I don't really like him, just... Haha. Already I'm getting all fuzzy. The grey stuff.

But anyways. On to another topic. Last day of school, and I have a few things to say. Why is that our class is so... Separated? We got this clique here, this clique here... I know the Magnet is basically one big clique, but why is our class still so separated even in itself?

I shouldn't be complaining. This year, more than ever, I've been sticking to what I'm comfortable with. Sure I've gotten to know some people better, but generally, I've stuck with my own little group of friends. And even with them sometimes, I find myself not always being completely truthful. Well, not untruthful, just hiding the truth.

I could practically list the cliques now. I won't because that's just further acknowledging something everyone already knows.

Being asian... Being asian is hard. It's not harder than being caucasian or African American or any of those politically correct terms. I used to live in Indiana and Michigan... Places where the percentage of asian people was like below one percent... I remember my friends thought I should like this one guy just because he was asian.

Of course, there was the crazy "My father's allergic to asian people" thing in first grade. It's hilarious, but it makes me sad. I can't believe that happened to me in first grade... The first time I was ever "discriminated." Craziness.

This year, I've become more of what you would call the typical asian. I've conformed. Seriously, Lisa, I meant when I said that we're not really individuals anymore.

I know I had more to say on that topic, but right now I'm out of it.

... try and delete everything I just said.

I could always go back and delete it later, but... It's not worth the effort. And actually, I'm really only coming out straight now because, I feel the effort isn't worthwhile. Not that he's not worthwhile, just that it isn't worthwhile for me to try anything.

Sincerely, I don't really want to try anything. After Wallops, I swore I was gonna give it all up. Now that I think of it, I was crazy, and now I'm not even sure what it was. It wasn't a crush, it wasn't love [haha], it was the interest of being better friends with him.

Well, now that it's all over... [Or it might just be starting, goodness knows] I can say that whatever stupid hopes I had of being better friends are... Gone. There's no chance. I give up. It's not worth the stress. I know Tina doesn't believe I should give up. I know I've only told her time after time not to give up when it comes to Alvin... [Haha, sorry Tina, but I had to mention his name] But things always seem to be different when it comes to me. I have to learn to take my own advice someday.

Right now I feel that it is pointless. I mean, I was better friends with him last year than I am now, and that's pretty sad, considering I wasn't really friends with him last year. Come to think of it, we never really were friends. And what's more, who really are his friends?

I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything right now. Except I know that I'm been raving too long about this, and I know it's not worth it.

It's not worth it.

And that's about all I can explain for now. I remember he said once, "You have an explanation for everything." Maybe I do.

Hahaha... Well. I was thinking about this on the bus, and I've decided upon one thing. I'm going to come out straight with myself and everyone else with what's been on my mind lately... Haha... Here goes...

Well, you know that I've been interested in someone... Yeah. I'm sure enough people have bothered me about it. Enough stalling...

Okay. I WAS INTERESTED IN... DANIEL KU!!!

Better press the post button before I

There are so many things on my mind right now... First off. I've been reading blogs lately, and it just makes me no sense to me. I know no one wants to hear it from me, but I just have to say it, haha. For me, a blog/web journal/whatever you want to call it is somewhere I [try to] express my thoughts. I suppose you could use it for whatever... Bashing if that's how you express your feelings at time. Believe me, I know when you need to rant, but when everyone can see it, I think it's best to be a bit more considerate. But that's just me. Goodness knows what people could say about me if they really wanted to.

I was reading Jeanne 's journal... Girlfriend, you do not need to be so down. By no means. I know you're worried about a lot of things... All sorts of things on your mind. Friends, school, just dealing with yourself... This year, more than ever, I've had to learn more about myself. There's been things I've hated about myself. This year, more than ever, I've realized my bad points. I'm really way too... Well, not clingy. I just hate getting into another tough situations. Like... Well, I can think of some examples, but I don't really want to elaborate. My grades have been going down. I find myself simply not caring anymore. Other times I find myself acting pressed over not being able to make it to college. I know I'm going to make it to college. I know I'm not perfect. Why then, am I so pressed about looking "smart"? I really need to set my priorities straight. I don't need to worry about not being pretty, not being to get all the guys, or whatever. As long as I'm myself, I am fine.

Of course, that's the ideal. That's what I'm hoping for. Usually I try to deal with what I'm going through, take it as I go, knowing that God [yes, God. Yes, I'm a Christian.] has what's right in store for me. I need to do what I think is right, and everything will go okay in the end. It's not the quantity, it's the quality.

One thing I find hard to take about myself... Constantly I'm comparing myself to my friends. It disgusts me. Really. It's quite revolting. And it's at these times I wonder, how can I expect to love someone else [well, I suppose I mean a guy here, don't I?] when I can't even put total faith in myself.

Heck... Who can put total faith in themselves?

Dude, I'm out... Must practice piano.

Mood: Waterlogged.
Status: I think I drank that lemonade too fast...
Song: "Never Had a Dream Come True" - S Club 7

Great... I cannot believe that I have that song stuck in my head... Stayed at Jerry's too long, had another near death experience at a crossroads...

Okay... I know just who to set Tina dearest up with... And I wrote some spazzy message in Tina's journal... Well, since she won't let me link her journal, I'll just copy and paste, hehe...

Okay, since Tina has left me to go see Ms. Ragan, I will just blabber on in her journal entry.

I don't know... I'm in a state of mind right now where I don't know what I feel, but whatever it is, I'm definitely trying to suppress it. For some reason, it keeps coming back in my head, and I feel like there's something worth in pursuing it. However, right now, I really don't know where I'm going. Should I try or not? I'm not sure I can get anywhere, and I'm not sure it's worth the pain of trying. Right now I think I'm a little sad. A little down. A little pissed off. Yes, I feel like choking him, but to tell you the truth, I don't think I could seriously do it. That book was... Weird. In some ways, it got to me point blank, but in other ways... It was completely wrong.

But definitely I'm not feeling the best about myself lately. That's why I'm not sure if it's worth it.

And I don't mean love... I mean just plain friendship. Or is that too much to ask?

Ew, I sound whiney and very very stupid and lame.

I was in the mood to write something somewhat meaningful last night, but of course, I was spazzing over math and Spanish... So how did the BC Calc exam go? Well... At least the back of Daniel Ku's head wasn't bothering me this time like the previous two tests... Just the side of his head this time, haha...

I'm confused and I feel stuffed.

Last note: I must go home and finish updating fww ...

Well... My grade in Spanish is not a B after all... I think I'd probably kill myself if it really was... Surprisingly enough, two assignments brought me up from a 77% to a 92%... Haha. All good. I can't really complain, right?

I realized that I no longer write anything pertinent in this web journal thing... I will say something more meaningful when... When school is over. Thank goodness.

Last note:i can't believe alex lo is taking his legs off auction !! i own the legs. [Tina]

Mood: Stressed.
Status: Studying for Bio exam tomorrow...
Song: "Ride Wit Me" - Nelly

Ack... Well, first exam, Computer Science, was today... I feel... Okay. Not excellent. Not terrible. I'm trying not to feel anything really...

Ack. Biology exam tomorrow! Surprisingly enough, I actually made a layout for fww that I liked! Haha! And it's white! Hahahaha! I'm seriously going nuts... I started yelling in the lunchroom just because... I felt like it. Yes, I'm stupid. I'm definitely losing my mind.

Looks like I am just going to stick with that one layout, because there is no way I'm going to redo it for the fifth time.

Well, back to studying... 3' to 5'. Okazaki fragments.

Last note: I'm dying...

Mood: Stressed.
Status: Finishing up homework.
Song: "With Arms Wide Open" - Creed

Well, this is just kind of a slight hiatus note, haha. I promised myself that I would not go online during exam week. So starting tomorrow, no online-ness until at least Thursday... My exams are definitely getting to me, and I'm unbelievably stressed out.

Call me an idiot for hyperventilating about college when I'm only a sophomore. Yes, I'm an idiot.

You know what I've realized... After Sunday School today, I've decided more than ever that I'm willing to wait for love. I'm ready for it whenever it comes, but now ain't the time. When it comes, it'll be worth waiting for. Won't it be beautiful...

For now, I can just dream... Speaking of which, I'm dying to hear Tina's dream, hehe.

Last note: "With Arms Wide Open" is really the most beautiful song.

Just had to say that I love the beginning part of "Twilight Zone" by S.E.S. where it's all... "Fly to the Sky" sounding like. Haha. How descriptive.

What I've noticed lately... I've been spending way too much time on AIM. Magnets are dorks, and we're online all the time. I probably spend more time with my computer than my family... Or at least just as much. A bit sad, but what the heck... It's true.

I also know I'm a dork for writing so many entries in one day. I finally got some part of a layout done for my tribute to Siam Shade! Haha. For some reason, I'm being semi-inspired these days for layouts... Haha. I now love tables. Before I hated them, but I've compromised with them.

Mood: Blah.
Status: Researching Spanish artists.
Song: "Tears I Cried" - Siam Shade

Sorry to all Spanish speakers, Hispanic or Latino people. I just really hate Spanish, but I'm still taking Spanish 5 next year for no reason but to take the SAT II. I might even get a B in Spanish, for the first time since... Seventh grade?

I woke up at 10:47 today... I was like, wow, my dad actually let me sleep late today... Haha. No way. Volleyball clinic today. My skills are dying. Not as if I had mad skills in the first place.

*yawn* I think I have to go to the bathroom...

Last note: I've forgotten to put my last note comments lately. Hideki has no English skills.

Mood: Pumped... still?
Status: Rather frustrated.
Song: "Dear" -- Siam Shade

Wow, I updated the layout... Haha. After uploading everything to Geocities, realizing that didn't work, and then reuploading everything to Virtue.nu... Blah. I am pooped.

So anyways... A bit of an explanation. Hmm, above would be my favorite J-Rock band, Siam Shade. Lately, I've been experimenting with J-Rock and some Chinese and HK-Pop music... [Whatever happened to good old American music... Haha. I had that annoying BBMak song stuck in my head nearly all day.] I have to say that visual rock was better than I expected... I've heard of Glay, Gackt, etc, before, but frankly, I thought they were a bit scary. But even if their appearances can be a bit scary at times, their music is good.

I don't really like any Chinese male singers for some reason... I've only been listening to the female ones. A-Mei, Elva Hsiao, Coco Lee, Tsai Jolin, Sammi Cheng... They're not bad.

Sophomore year has been a struggle. It's nearly over, but it's been a huge struggle. Grades. Friends. If there's one thing I've realized, it's you can't possibly always be great friends with someone. I realize this year I've either been laughing or being pissed/annoyed. Haha. I wonder why... I'm sure I know why, just don't feel like elaborating right now.

Siam Shade is still the best.

Mood: Cheesy
Status: Online, as usual...
Song: "Higher" - Creed

Aiya. I'm so silly. I should get over my interest, because it is getting quite ridiculous. If only I could stop laughing... Oh, well.

You know, I love my friends. My yearbook autograph pages look ridiculously crowded in some parts, and then totally blank on others. I still find it strange that some people reserved pages even though I'm not that close to them...

Man, these Napster filters piss me off like anything. Creed - Hiher? Cred - With Arms Wide? Oh, well. At least I managed to find the mp3s... Better than nothing.

I have nothing to say right now. I have nothing on my mind that I feel like writing about.

Mood: Jolly
Status: Screwing with my bangs... They're too long!
Song: [S.E.S.] Show Me Your Love, [Jinusean] JS Anthem

*yawn* I still need to figure out how to format everything and customize everything exactly the way I want it for this pitas thing... Hey, I got time.

I wonder if you can use HTML tags in this thing... Hmmm.

Well, I got Andrew digging around in my head trying to figure out who I am "interested" in. It's really not that interesting... I mean, I don't like him like him. You know, like like him. Makes all the difference in the world, right?

Hmmm, I like these new Jinusean songs. They... All sort of sound the same to me, but I like them anyhow. But what song I really like is... S.E.S. Show Me Your Love. I don't know why... I usually am not that big of a fan of S.E.S. songs, but I like this one. They're definitely getting better.

It is weird having no clock in my room. I have no idea what time it is. Probably on the late side... Hehe.

Biology state exam... Maybe I should sleep a little earlier than normal.

Last note: Guys are still annoying. But I can take them for the time being.

Haha... Here I am again... Now I'm trying to figure out if my "customized" entry layout stuff actually work... Also trying to dig info out of Andrew, with little success.

It seems to be working... Except the big part of the Fly to the Sky picture isn't showing up... *grumble*

Well, I'm trying out this pitas thing... Hopefully, it'll work. If it doesn't, I suppose I could go back to my funky fake journal thing...