Wednesday
(Tori Amos)
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
01:12 a.m.
so we go from year to year with secrets we've been keeping
Another day is done, another day. I am sitting, wrapped in the bunny blanket, listening to Tori Amos. At work today, I read how Mrs. Braun wrote me up. She talked about me not being able to handle two jobs and about how I was living at Ingrid's. Mr. Sonterre and Mr. Melby find both those things subjective and not warranted in the write-up. They also said I should have received a verbal warning, not a write-up. Oh well. I checked the schedule and I only have to work with Mrs. Braun once this week. (phew)
Though you say you're not a Templar man
Jess and I talked and things are okay. We're breaking up in the most amicable way. I'm moving to Ingrid's next week, if all goes well. Ingrid and John's 1 year wedding anniversary is Sunday! They are thinking of getting a kitten, which they will call Prickle. Jess and I will talk everyday, and still kiss and love each other. I am excited.
Seems as if we're circling for very different reasons
Last night at the Borders meeting, we got candy, ice cream sundaes and free drinks at the café. Glenna, Kirk, and Graeme brought out the promo cart and all of the employees frenzied around it. I came away with a Tori poster, a Frank Sinatra tote bag, a Jewel CD for Jessica, a 1/2lb. bag of coffee, and a CD of Irish music. Lucky Sarah got the Lord of the Rings soundtrack!! Thank God, Educators Appreciation Weekend is over. We'll have a little respite before the holidays. But in case anyone was thinking I'd get some time for myself- Borders will be open till midnight from Dec. 13-25th. Plus, Walgreen's will also be open late, and on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Year's as well. Work! Ew, but dollars. :/
But one day the eagle has to land
I am so relieved about things with Jessica. We are going to be so happy now. She gave me a gorgeous Italian bracelet that she bought when she was out east. It's got a little star on it, for me. I am Jessica's star. I am excited about October ending, because seeing Dawn on my calendar is really annoying.
Oxygen
(Sleater-Kinney)
Sunday, October 27, 2002
07:51 p.m.
I depend on bitter snow I rely on oxygen
Long day, long lonely day. I woke up early, but because I changed my clock incorrectly, I thought I was late. I rushed around getting ready, but when I got downstairs, I still had half an hour until the bus would come. Work was long because it's Educator's Appreciation Weekend. All kinds of educators with piles of books needed weird discounts. Then, I came home (to J & I's) and fell asleep listening to Tori. I woke up later and John told me I was supposed to be at Walgreen's, working. AAAAAH! I called Walgreen's and got Mrs. Braun, who HATES me. I told her how I have to be at Borders for the all-store meeting, but she had no mercy and is writing me up. I am leaving for the all-store Borders meeting in 1 1/2 hours or so.
I depend on bitter cold I want to know
It's okay staying at John and Ingrid's. John showed me his website that he made for work. Last night we made pierogies and ate together, drinking tea. They love tea and I love sitting and talking and drinking it. Ploink the cat is wonderful too, we have lots of good talks at night. It wouldn't be awful to end up living there... but I miss Jess so badly.
why it hurts to stay and hurts to go away
She'll be home today- her plane has already landed, I think. I've missed her. I gathered up all my stuff at John and Ingrid's and came home today. I just want everything to be okay again. I wang us to be happy, I want us not to be at odds. Of course, I want us to be happy and together, but if we can't do that, I'd rather that we are happy than together.
will I be ok?
I'm keeping myself sane by listening to S-K and Tori, who have lots of comfort to offer. Tori is gentle, but bitingly sarcastic. S-K is familiar and lets me experience my emotions as they come and take me over. I know that in time I'll feel better and that every part of my life is valid and important. I need to cling to that, to remind myself of that. I need to make sure I am safe.
heartbreak even
(Ani DiFranco)
Friday, October 25, 2002
12:30 p.m.
i feel you make love to me slightly every time you let a little laugh slip too soon
Jess has been in Ohio since yesterday, but she has been away for longer than that. I am staying at John and Ingrid's. They are wonderful to me, staying up with cups and tea and hugs before bed. Everyone is loving me, extending their arms and telling me that I am a strong woman. Still, the only real truth is love.
and the moment passes over us so lightly it feels like sand blowing over a dune
This morning, like an idiot, I woke early, with a good night's sleep, and headed off for the 6:44 bus to Midway. Turned out I wasn't even scheduled. I climbed back on the bus and went to the house. The doors were locked so I slipped in through the basement. I rifled through our clothes and got a shirt for tomorrow before walking through the grey back to Ingrid's. Ploink, the cat, meowed hello. He's been very nice to me, cuddling and nuzzling.
you try not to let your emotions show but it ain't a balloon you can just let go
I got a package from Big Tits the other day, with a Britney CD and a mousepad. I took it almost an entire month to get here. I wonder which end took so long, the Canadian or the U.S. I need to send out mail, but I am so unmotivated lately.
it's an ice cream cone dripping in the sun- sticky hands sticky arms sticky situation
Jess will be home on Sunday, but I will be at work when her plane comes in. I think. I think it comes in the morning at 10:30, but it might be the night at 10:30. I know she is having tons of fun with Julie, but I need her too. I am lonely.
Don't Lay Down
(Catie Curtis)
Saturday, October 19, 2002
05:22 p.m.
Don't lay down if you're gonna fall asleep
Ahhhh, finally an afternoon off. I am a workaholic. I work like 60 hours a week. Pay day though... mmm. Too bad I have to spend it all on my sister's air tickets. She'll be here on Halloween. I can't wait! We're going to have so much fun. No matter how close you get to your friends, you can never quite have the closeness you have with a sister. I miss her a lot. She's getting a lot older and more fun to hang out with. Melanie stayed over the other night and she's been hanging out a lot. Mel, Jess, and I got our hair cut together. We all look super cute, especially me.
Don't lay down if you're gonna lose me
Borders is such a bad-ass place to work, with my cocoa cup and my awesome co-workers. I'm lending Hannah my Buffy tape this week. Today was "Crazy Sock Day." I wore these Buttercup socks that Sarah gave me for Christmas 2 years ago. Borders isn't a hard job at all, it's just nice. Everyone there is really laid back and fun. Yesterday, I sold a lesbian book to this woman who looked exactly like Catie Curtis. I'm kicking myself for not inquiring as to where that's true!!
I'm with you pulling for a cure, I know that isn't what they're giving you
There is the funniest Sims story on thesims.com! It's a Sims version of the show Trading Spaces. Haha! Kathy and I love that show. We have our favorite designers and favorite episodes and such.
But I'm with you taking some more so Don't Lay Down
Only another month or so until Luka is here. God, I miss him so much. I miss having him around during the day and eating dinner with him and watching stupid movies together. I miss watching Buffy with him, goddamnit! I am going to my first Tori concert on his birthday though. He and Jessica are going to get drunk. I'm sad cos Luka and Jess drunk are VERY funny. I haven't seen either one of them drunk since our New Year's party.
Caroline Dreams
(The Nields)
Monday, October 14, 2002
04:46 p.m.
Hey girl, out on the street Counting the people you'll never meet
I haven't updated in a really long time. Last week, Sara came up to St. Paul for a few days and we went to the Sleater-Kinney concert together. It was so much fun, having her here. The concert was great, they played all the songs I wanted them to play, except "Milkshake and Honey" and the encore was amazing. After the show, I met Janet again. She signed my One Beat cover.
Hey girl, what do you see? All of the people you'll never be
I've been sick lately and I've had to call into work, which sucks because I really need the $$. Borders has been fun, now that I'm not in training anymore and get to do actual fun stuff. One of my coworkers, Amy, gave me a Buffy poster. It's so hard not to want to buy everything there. Walgreen's is okay. On Saturday, I went over to Ingrid's with Bao and we watched Season 7 so far. I really like the stability of life here.
Caroline dreams, That's all she'll ever do
I need to write more letters. I want to write to Nanny and to Marianne. I don't have stationery anymore, which is a dumb excuse, but is actually the current one. I think I'll write some letters tonight and mail them from Mail Boxes Etc. tomorrow or the day after. It's so depressing to never get any mail except for my medication once a month.
If she doesn't wake up Won't her dreams come true? She'll be free
I miss Luka a lot. He'll be here in only a little over a month. I hope we get to do a bunch of cool stuff, because I am missing the Tori concert to hang out with him!! I miss my family too. I'm glad I'm making friends because it's hard to be so isolated up here.
Past the Mission
(Tori Amos)
Sunday, September 22, 2002
08:17 p.m.
I don't believe I went too far, I said I was willing
Today I have a migraine so I had to call-in at Walgreen's, ruining my exemplary attendance. I came crawling up the stairs this morning and was promptly sent back down with some Excedrin Migraine by Kathy. I slept and slept, while everyone else saw Cirque du Soleil at the Riverfront. Jess brought back a gorgeous programme for me to look at though. I ate a little bit of lunch and then Hans lead me to the couch and gave me a blanket and pillow, where I slept until just now.
she said she knew what my books did not, I thought she knew what's up
Jessica just got a Playstation 2 last night and Reggie brought back our remote, so we have a very swank entertainment center. Jess has been playing Tony Hawk 3 for ages. Last night she fell asleep out on the couch with it!! I just got the new Ani CD, but I haven't listened to it yet. Well, my copy at least. Jess got it the day after it came out, so I've already heard it several times.
Past the mission behind the prison tower, past the mission, I once knew a hot girl
Yesterday I got the rest of my tattoo set. Pia, Jess, and I went to Visual Addictions and I got my right wrist done. It's still kind of swollen, but when I put my wrists next to each other, it looks awesome. I can't wait until it's all healed up. Yay for my first paycheck!!
past the mission they're closing every hour, past the mission I smell the roses
Tomorrow's a long day for me, but it'll be okay. I have two full days off this week, which will be super nice. When Kirk comes back from vacation (he's my boss at Borders), I'm going to talk to him about getting a regular schedule from Walgreen's and therefore, a more regular schedule at Borders too, so I don't have to work every night until midnight. I hope it works out.
Pretty Good Year
(Tori Amos)
Tuesday, September 17, 2002
04:39 p.m.
Tears on the sleeve of a man, don't want to be a boy today
Today was my first day at Borders. I started at 7am. I learned all kinds of stuff and had a lot of fun. Everyone there is super nice and they got me hooked up with everything right away. I even got my own free Borders Coffee mug with a sticker with my name printed on it! I have a locker and a mailbox too. During lunch, I went to Petsmart, which is next door, and looked at the animals. I also hung out in the magazine part of Borders and read the Buffy 2002 yearbook. They had an interview with Amber Benson, which was really cool.
heard the eternal footman, bought himself a bike to race
I took the bus home today. It came right when I walked out of Borders, which was terribly convenient. I had a pass for a free bus ride that I got at the State Fair. The buses here in the T.C. run until 2am! I have to figure out where to buy a pass. I can't decide whether I should buy a new bike here or in Seattle. I might want to ride to work sometime. Also, on Fridays I only have 1/2 an hour to get from Walgreen's to Borders. Yikes!
and Greg he writes letters and burns his CDs,
they say you were something in those formative years
You know, that line about Greg burning his CDs means a totally different thing now in 2002 than it did in 1994. My CD burner is out of whack and won't burn a lot of the CDs I've been trying to burn lately. I saw these CD mini-discs that are fully compatible with CD players at Walgreen's. They are small and easy to carry. Maybe I'll get some. I know I'm getting the new Ani and the new Buffy CD soon. Whee!
hold onto nothing as fast as you can, well still pretty good year
Yesterday I went to Bound to be Read and read for 3 hours. I was home really late and worried Jess. Ooops. Then Jess and I went to coffee at Dunn's and said hi to Pia. She's Jess's friend really, but she's really cool and a lot of fun to hang out with. We went with her to Chipotle a few nights ago. I wish I were better at making friends. Ingrid and Julie are great but I am too shy to call them when we're not at work together.
City Girl
(Tegan and Sara)
Friday, September 6, 2002
01:38 p.m.
I got uncertain from this, I'll be perfect from now on, but all my promises, they're out the window once you're gone
I have to walk to work in an hour and 45 minutes because Jessica took the truck to work. Hopefully someone will pick me up when I get off at 10:30. Jess was there the other night and she met Ingrid. That was cool. The people at work are cool. It's not that bad. I just wish time went by faster. Maybe I should pack myself something to eat during break or something. Or a magazine to read. Hmm. My dad is coming to visit me in a few weeks. I have to get him to tell me the exact day so I can request that day off.
you pack your bags, you say I love you but I cannot stay, so I started smoking, thought the signals would scare your wolves away
I asked Sarah's friend Leah, who goes to St. Kate's, where to hang out in St. Paul. She said Blue Moon, so Jess and I went there last night. It's the sweetest coffee shop with lots of lesbians. Some were even cute! The mochas were so good, they were like the mochas they drink in fairy tales. The whole place was decorated with stars and moons and little lights. I hope we go back there a lot- I think we will cos Jess got us both those punch cards for a free drink. I'm going to ask Leah for more suggestions, since this one was so good.
I got so city girl on you, I went so crazy I
didn't know what to do
Last night I accidentally ordered Pay-Per-View. I thought you'd have to order a credit card. We have digital cable. All I did was click on the channel and on the time and there it was. Yikes. So Jessica and I watched The Royal Tenenbaums. I love that movie. I think Jess liked it too. The ease of ordering pay-per-view got Jess wondering if it's that easy to order the porn channels. Yikes!!!!
One Beat
(Sleater-Kinney)
Wednesday, September 4, 2002
02:51 p.m.
take me to the souce of chaos let me be the butterfly
So, I got the Walgreen's job. I'm a service clerk. That means I'm a cashier. I started yesterday, but I'm still pursuing the job at Border's. One of the girls at work, Ingrid, is pretty cool. Walgreen's is close enough to walk, but it's kind of a long walk. Luckily, people give me rides. Yesterday, I walked home and after that Jess and I walked to S.A. and got ice cream and soda.
imperfect symmetry has underlying poetry and rhyme
I got the new Sleater-Kinney album the other day and so far, I really like it. I have to learn all the songs by the concert on October 8th. I keep forgetting, but here's the link to the Minnesota Zoo Shark Cam. It's a little slower now that they have added another cam, the Dolphin Cam, but the Shark Cam is always worth watching.
you can't predict everything with Newton-like certainty, why?
Hopefully, Jess and Hans are going to put up the closet rods today so we can hang up our clothes. A month later, we are still living out of suitcases. Our room is so awesome, I love it. The star lights from Reggie are so cool. Jess and I are already fighting over who gets them for their dorm. Jess is trying to rewire our digital cable so we get it in both rooms. It's not working out so far. I'm just trying to figure out how to tape a show off the digital cable using the VCR timer.
'cause it floats around all we see with oscillating energy on high
I have work in an hour. My clothes are still in the dryer, do to a clogged drain fiasco about an hour ago. Hans and I went grocery shopping and I got pierogies!! I'm so excited. I want to go to the library to get books tomorrow. I have run out of reading materials. I only brought 2 books with me- Tipping the Velvet and The Silmarillion. Any recommendations?
