Sunday, August 26, 2001
11:20 p.m.
Today was the one-year anniversary of my rape.
Reasons why I fucking hate him
1. he raped me
2. i had a miscarriage
3. he directly contributed to my losing sarah, in my personal opinion.
4. he's living his life as if nothing ever happened. i bet he never even thinks of what i'm going through.
5. i just hate him so much, i want to cry.
it's oh so quiet, it's oh so still
Saturday, August 25, 2001
09:18 a.m.
So- I woke up at 6:00 to Philip shaking me and telling me that Jonah had pooped behind hte bookcases in the living room. Jonah isn't allowed out there without supervision but I guess someone forgot. I don't care who, since we got the poop cleaned up and did Jonah's little training thinger.
It's moving day! Actually, I'm not that thrilled over it. I have to dig out all the computer boxes and such. Luka is being an absolute angel and volunteering his time and his truck to take me, my crap, my kitties, and their junk over to Auntie's. He's such a darling! That reminds me, I still have Luka's present!
Ew, I have absolutely disgusting morning breath. I was so excited unpacking cos Jess got a toothbrush in St. Paul and I thought she was going to start brushing her teeth. I guess she forgot it in Nebraska. I'm going to have to get her a new one and some toothpaste! We got a foot pumice and her callouses are finally going away.
I can't write much because I promised I'd walk Philip. I have to go take my antibiotics now!
adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations.
Friday, August 24, 2001
05:28 p.m.
I've got strep throat! I'm at home with some weird medicine that makes me feel like shite. :( It's very sad. I just got out of the shower. Mimma came home with my medication and 4 kids- Jameta, Jordan, Elisabeth, and Philippe. She yelled at me for wearing boys' underwear and bought me these UGLY girls' undies with bows! Ew!
Yesterday at IHS I found out that in addition to lung imflammation, I have asthma and a mild bronchial infection! Hurrah! So, I'm on an antiobiotic that will hopefully kill the bronchial infection as well as kick the strep. Until then, I'll be here in bed. At least I don't have to move into Auntie's for a few days as a result.
Good news though- we have a new kitten!!! He's a baby Siamese with gigantic gorgeous blue eyes. After lots of consultation on the phone, Luka, Jess, Biffy, and I collaborated and named him Jonah Gabriel. He's extremely darling but he cries a lot.
Baby Jonah
Little Jonah takes a nap
My back is in great pain, it's really sore. I can't figure out what's up. Argh! I wrote two letters today, who they're to is a secret.
Mouse Toe! Mouse Toe!
Monday, August 20, 2001
09:30 a.m.
We're leaving now! Baby Jessica was sick last night so I cuddled her and did the packing. She was very cute, but she had a fever and felt yucky. She kept trying to help me pack, even though she wasn't allowed. I sang songs to her and she sang along in her cute little sick voice.
It's the last day here. I want to stay longer, but only if Lolo and Ta can come too. We went up to the cabin yesterday. I went swimming in the lake and got algae all over myself. I got the green nipples! Oh No! Jess didn't swim cos she has her new tough tattoo. She stayed on the boat to make sure we were all safe. She had a whole beer! The boat pulled us to shore while we hung onto a rope. That sentence was really confusing but I'm too sleepy to move my finger to the delete key.
Baby Jess lost her glasses so we have to look and look as we can't go home without them. :( We looked alllll over the place. Hopefully they'll turn up soon so little Jessica will be happier and seeable.
I will miss Animal Planet. :( I will NOT miss the mean hard futon that hurts my itty bitty cute little Jessica's back.
He's your guy when stocks are high
but beware when they start to descend
Saturday, August 18, 2001
01:33 p.m.
We're all dressed up and ready to go. Jess looks lovely- Kathy cut her hair yesterday. I'm wearing my gold dress, etc., etc.
We went to the mall yesterday with Jessica's aunts and her perky cousin. I got my Chococat stationery, a pen, and some postcards. FUCK! I just chipped my nail polish. Oh well, we'll fix it. Jess' is worse. I just did our nails, which is semi-pointless as I'm wearing gloves.
I am really hungry. I didn't get much sleep last night, or over the past few days. I'm really excited about going home in three days! We have been gone over a week at this point and I'm ready to go home.
Jessica's Aunt Margaret is a bitch. Yesterday in the car she told me I should be working and she wouldn't back down. Jessica explained that I'm 3 years ahead in school and need a year off, but she wouldn't listen. I finally gave in and told her I'd had a breakdown and my doctor doesn't think I'm ready to handle a job yet, let alone return to school. She said that I might as well finish and couldn't I get a less-stressful job? ARGH! Apparently she was mean to Aunt Theresa as well. Jessica's Aunt Tina is really sweet and darilng. We talked about our favorite things to do out in Seattle.
We also went to Petsmart, where I got a scratching post, some toys, a dish, and some food for our girls. I really miss them. :(
The worst thing about going home is that Julie is gone and Lucas and Jess will be back in school. I miss Julie already.
We met Ericka, Andrea (outfox), and Kristin (velata) a few nights ago. We went out for Vietnamese with them. They're really awesome and funny. Andrea drove us home, even though she was late for work. She's a stripper at a lesbian bar. Our fortune cookies were all really stupid. Jessica had "You will become better acquainted with someone at work." I had "Be Patient. Good things come to those who wait."
Hopefully we're leaving soon. We have to wait for Uncle David, Aunt Theresa, and Toddy to get back from taking the PA to Peg and Wally's and picking up the programs. Then, I think we're waiting for them to dress. After that, we leave! I'm going to be watching Raja, the dog, during the wedding.
I can't wait until my wedding. sigh.
even the best man won't hang out with the girl band!
Wednesday, August 15, 2001
09:36 p.m.
So. Jessica and I need to get all the lovin' in that we can, cos according to Aunt Theresa, we're going to grow up, met men, get married, and laugh over all the silliness of our lesbian phase. We're also "just friends." Hm. Ugh! I wish people, well, Aunt Theresa, would recognize what's going on here. Yeah, I'll get married... to Jessica. damnit. She's my home, my love. I go where she goes.
So, today, Jessica and I went uptown with the other Jessica. We went thrifting and to comic book stores and stuff. Jess Poop Dogger got a Wonder Woman journal, calendar, and poster. Jess A. and I got our dresses for the wedding. My is kind of Oriental and gold, very Auntie Mame-esque. The cashier at the shop knew all of Auntie Mame as well and we quoted lines back and forth.
Then later Spunky J and I went to the yuppie shops on Grand Avenue. I got lots of Sanrio stationery at the toy shop and then we explored this little shop full of cool tschokes. I really wanted this darling toy kitten but we found it cheaper at a place that sells this cute little monkey I'm getting for my Jess.
This vacation is really fun! Except that our door doesn't lock so our daily exercise is somewhat curtailed.
you left your beret behind
and your croissant is getting cold
Tuesday, August 14, 2001
02:10 p.m.
Look! We're still here! We did not die! Yesterday we met Jessica's uncle and aunt. Uncle Dave was a brick layer for Halloween and Aunt Theresa was a brick. yeah. He has a mullet and wicker slip-on shoes, but we love him anyway, especially since he's the only person related to Jess who immediately identified my s-k bracelet.
Jessica is very mean. She took away my Holocaust books cos I woke her up eight times last night cos I was scared and having bad dreams. :( Still, last night was quite... nice. Afterward we read two chapters of Les Misérables and then I read the book about the Warsaw Ghetto and Jess read Foxfire.
Aunt Theresa is wearing very frightening fluorescent blue python print clothing. Don't worry, Jessica and I are very tough and will not be affected. Oooh! And we're a little bit better at Super Mario World. Jess still cries when we lose Yoshi though. Okay, she doesn't cry. She whimpers and goes "yoshi! don't worry! i'll save you next time!" If Yoshi dies, then she kills herself so that Yoshi doesn't go down alone.
Jessica would be a very good ship captain.
you always party with the lights on!
come on i like the dark
Monday, August 13, 2001
03:43 p.m.
Saint Paul is so relaxing and fun! The weather is heavenly- seriously. There's a cool breeze. We've been sitting in the garden a lot. Jess saw a squirrel and was thrilled. She chased it out the back gate. This morning, Jessica and I watched A Wedding Story. So, there are a lot of people here! There's Kathy, who's Jess' dad's fiancée. She is SO fun. I wish my dad had married someone more like her. There's Hans, J's dad. He's super fun and really nice and awesome. There's David, Jess' little brother and his girlfriend, Jessica. Then there's Zac, Kathy's son, and his girlfriend, Jenny. There's Uncle David, Hans' long lost brother, and his wife, Theresa. Then, there's Raja, the dog. Oh! There's Reggie, and also Toddy, who is really fun.
Yeah so, that's us. We live in the basement. Last night Jess hurt her back but I think she's okay now. I think. Theresa thinks that we're "roommates." She keeps talking about how "wow! I never had a roommate I shared clothes with!" and other stuff like that. I don't think she and her husband understand. But that's okay. He has a mullet!!! Can you believe we're living with a mullet!?! Yeah, me neither.
I adore this vacation. Today, we're going out for soccer jerseys and a Wonder Woman poster for Jess. Jessica (David's gf) and I also need dresses for the wedding, so we're going thrifting! My baby Jessica is very cute, especially for a roommate. I never had a roommate who touched my no-no parts so often!!
Jessica is such a big tough dyke. Seriously. She got her tat and I am very very proud. She's very very cute. She needs a kiss. Hang on. Okay, back.
Jessica has to check her mail and do all this stuff.
to prove how far away nebraska is
you speak in whispers
Sunday, August 12, 2001
09:31 p.m.
Look! I'm on vacation. It's okay. I miss my music. There isn't enough good music on this trip. I also miss my kittens, Melanie, Chandra, and lots of other things. I miss talking to my Tierza. I even miss cleaning the litter box. I'll be okay though, I'm having fun. The stairs here are craaaaazy! Jessica may die!
I am reading a book about the Holocaust cos I finished the one on babies and the two on cats. I have two more Holocaust books with me on this trip, so I'll have a lot to tell Jessica about. She thinks I'm morbid.
Jessica says that I make her sound like a dick. She sucks at Nintendo but we love her anyway. She also sleeps a lot. A lot a lot a lot. I'm going to give her lots of kisses. I beat her up today but it was wrong cos I smushed her tat. :( She's really tough and cool and shit cos she didn't even cry.
I had oreos in the van. They got squished by someone. I also had Haribo gummi bears. We stuck one on each of the back windows but they got thrown away when we returned the van. We went to a truck stop in Nebraska. I sent Mel and Jess S. posties. People in Nebraska aren't allowed to be gay cos they can get beat up. Melanie, you aren't allowed to go to that gay bar in Omaha anymore, okay?
my left foot is asleep and jess is doing her honk laugh. byeee!
A LIST FOR JESS: good stuff about myself
Thursday, August 9, 2001
03:04 a.m.
1. I take excellent care of my two kittens, Lola and Greta.
2. I make very good quesadillas.
3. My girlfriend really likes the nachos I make for her.
4. I have over 40 Spice Girls songs completely memorized.
5. I am a very good niece and I sent a package to my Auntie Francis.
6. I can swim and be all sorts of fun sea animals in the process.
7. I am that kind of a girl.
8. I am the only person I know who can sing the Nanny theme off the top of my head with no mistakes.
9. I took very good care of Tana when she was sick yesterday.
10. After 5 years of intense bulimia and anorexia, I quit and now weight over 130 pounds.
11. I give very good oral sex. Or so Jess says.
12. I have not killed my stepmother yet, even though I have known her for over 3 years and she only gets bitchier.
13. I am very sure I know more about the Chalcolithic Period in Judaic archaeology than anyone on s-o or the nook.
14. I am the only girlfriend of Jess' that Julie actually likes.
15. I read to la Tierza and she laughs and giggles and likes it!
16. I speak several languages.
17. I am getting better about being less defensive and more assertive.
18. I do not forget 6 million. I remember them everyday.
19. I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults and I am stronger every fucking day.
20. Small children like me.
There. :)
Hey ladies, when your man wanna get buck wild
just go back and hit 'em style!
Thursday, August 9, 2001
01:31 a.m.
So I've seen two movies and a concert in the past few days. Ohhh entertainment! Jessica and I went and saw America's Sweetheart's with Auntie Roxanne. It was so awesome, I loved it! I thought it was really funny and sweet; Julia Roberts is such a darling, I don't care what anyone says. Then today we went with Pookie to see The Princess Diaries. It was a stupid, silly movie. However, I thought Mia's cat Fat Louie had a really cool carrier and palace and cat stuff. I'd really like to live in a refurbished firehouse.
Then, last night (you wont' believe this!), we saw STEVIE NICKS! I went with Mimma and Auntie Roxanne. Jess went with Julie Christie and Santana. I met up with them after the show. Anyway, I <3 STEVIE!! She was so awesome. So beautiful, so amazing. It's impossible, she can't be in her fifties! She hardly even looks forty. That voice! Oh my! Stevie is such a goddess. I swear... mmmm! Julie was in absolute shock after the concert. I'm kind of glad that I didn't sit with them cos they were really far away and apparently Barbara and Tana were practically getting it on during the concert!
My brother and sister are home and that put me in a really really bad mood. Daddy has been very cruel regarding my things. My sister rescued four pairs of shoes, my Josefina doll, some photos from my 1997 trip to Seattle, some sweaters, and Rusty. Rusty is my raccoon from my babyhood. He had to be restuffed with Daddy's undershirts because I demolished him. His fur is worn off in a lot of places. He also has NO fur on his nose and his whole snout is full of holes cos I was such an enthusiastic nose kisser. Dr. Witkovsky would say something Freudian about my not nursing enough leading to me preoccupation with noses and kissing them.
Dr. Witkovsky was a weird doctor. Still, I guess I like male psychiatrists. I started off with Dr. Lyles, I didn't like him too much. He was at Bay Psychiatric, where I saw Lisa. She's up in Steven's Point now. We worked very well together, despite her horrible fashion sense. She had really really soft tissue. (It's very important for psych workers to understand their patients' tissue needs.) Dr. Lyles put me on Remeron, on which I immediately ODed. He tried though. He recognized my refusal to speak directly about my problems- when he asked me to write about how I felt about my shitty family situation, I wrote a long long long metaphorical essay about a mangrove tree.
Then, I switched to Dr. Witkovsky. He's Jewish, has a dark curly Jewmullet, and gold earrings. He's really professional and we worked well for a few years. However, he's obsessed with Freud. Masha met him and didn't like him that much. I can't remember if Caitlin met him or not. Anyway, he ended up transferring from UW-Psych to an administrative position at Meriter. At that point, I started seeing this lady at Dane County Mental Health.
I forget her name. The therapist I saw there was Anne Beal. I think the doctor's first name was Julie. Sarah might remember- she went there with me to a few appointments. She was okay but wasn't keen on prescribing/changing medications. I think she was brainwashed by Anne Beal.
Anyway, every summer I see Dr. Davis at the Indian Hospital in Albuquerque. Now that I live here, he's my treating psychiatrist. He ROCKS. Seriously, he always listens, is very very very considerate of my needs, and never fails to actually work with me on my med stuff. I just heard that he's switching to be on the faculty at UNM.
I have abandonment issues with psych workers. Lisa, my counselor at Bay Psych, left for Steven's Point after about a year. She was so awesome and it was really really hard for me to deal with her departure. Luckily, I went off to Madison so it wasn't really a big deal. In Madison, I saw Dr. Strongquist- Val Strongquist. Sara's worked with her too. She has big leather couches and always plays with her etch-a-sketch. I, personally, think she's a giant gaywad. Sara? Opinions? Anyway, I cancelled an appointment with her to commit suicide once so we didn't really get along after that.
Anne Beal at Dane County sucks major ass. Seriously. I used to cry, sleep in, do anything possible to avoid therapy with her. I hated her. The worst thing was, she'd call me repeatedly to wake me up, bug me in the late evening, anything! As long as she got me stuck in her ugly awful office. She hated me. She always wore tapered leg green jeans. She had a modified frizzy mullet and horrible horrible horse pictures all over her office.
Then, there's Deirde- my rape crisis counselor. Can I say goddess? She's seen me through two assaults and all kinds of stupid crap. She even does housecalls! I've NEVER seen her at her office. She came to visit me every week at Meriter and at my dorms for 2 years! I adore her. She has ferrets. At first, she wore a lot of leggings, but Maria and I got her trained. She always wears black, drinks a lot of water, and went to Wellesley, I think. Maybe it was Sarah Lawrence.
Isn't this the BEST entry ever??? SHIT! I left Tierza's package in Chanté so it'll be stuck in there overnight. I din't get any mail today either. Greta is asleep in her carrier and Lola is asleep somewhere else, God knows where. My little sister apparently now believes in God. However, she thinks that believing in Him renders her Catholic.
My right pinky hurts. It tends to hurt when I'm typing.
Here's Greta, isn't she an absolute darling?
I choose to celebrate the first
Monday, August 6, 2001
10:53 a.m.
I wrote Leah a letter last night. I had called Tierza and then the phone died completely!!! It was so horrible cos we were having a very wonderful conversation. I read her lots of stories that made her laugh and we talked and we giggled. I <3 the Tierza.
Jessica refuses to wake up. Oh well. I had almost succeeded in waking her but she went back to sleep. She's supposed to come over here but that's not quite possible if she's asleep.
I also wrote a long letter to Lena and Anna in Ukraine. I miss them so so so much. Feh. Not fair.
If I had your heart I would dare like you
Sunday, August 5, 2001
11:53 a.m.
Sunday Morning! I just got off the phone with my sister. She and Pip are flying home on Wednesday and I wanted to make sure she brought home some stuff- namely my black docs, my photos, my stuffed raccoon from my babyhood, and a diary from when I was her age. I also called Auntie Roxanne- she's coming over and we're going to go see America's Sweethearts. I expect Dorothy's already seen it- she LOVES Catherine Zeta-Jones. Isn't she married to someone old?
I'm making these Lipton noodle things that Jessica recommended. Apparently I ate one at her house but I don't have any memory of it. She's on her way over- she had to bring her mom some stuff in Corrales.
Letters and packages ready to go! A birthday package for Francis, a surprise for Tierza bo Bierza Quin, a letter with stamps for Jess Mummy, and a letter for Sara. I stole Mommy's Snoopy stamps and I'm putting them to use. (serves her right for stealing my jellyfish stamps!)
I'm still reading Aimée and Jaguar. It's such a beautiful story. I really wanted Dorothy to read it but when I went back to buy the copy at HPB, it was gone. That was two years ago. I never even brought it up to Sarah. I'd like Jess to read it, but she hasn't got much time as of late.
I'd better go, Greta is squeaking and probably wants cuddles.
And I recall in my sleep
how you changed my life on Magnolia Street
Saturday, August 4, 2001
05:37 p.m.
Only 5:30. Today has been lovely so far, aside from hideous cramps and other menstrual problems. I woke up around eight- Mama and I met Chris and his fiancée Jill for breakfast at the Flying Star Café. Afterward, they dropped me at the petstore on Lomas. (They went to Santo Domingo Feast.) I bought presents for Francis- Jen and Carrie K.'s kitten. I also found Nutro's Turkey & Giblets Max Kitten food. (The elusive third flavor.) I bussed downtown the library. Oh how heavenly! Books upon books! I got some on babies, on kitten care, and oh-so-many about the Holocaust.
I am rereading Erica Fischer's Aimée and Jaguar. It's such a sad, wonderful story. Karen and I saw the movie version at the Orpheum last fall with Angie and her roomie Caitlin. A bit of a Nepali class trip, sans the Nepali. It was a beautiful film and I fell for the actress who played Felice.
Nepali was so lovely first semester. There were five of us: me, Karen, Angie, Kela, and Abby. Abby and I also had Jewish Studies together. We had parties and lunches at our teacher Krishna's house. I drew fabulously decadent drawings of houses on the chalkboard, we had class outdoors, etc. I loved that class, despite my complete inability to learn Nepali. We even went to the zoo because of my demands to see the monkeys!
I had a packet in the mail today from UW-Seattle, urging me to attend. I am caught- shall I return to Madison or move on to Seattle? I'm not sure at the moment. I am confident that I will make the right decision. Either way I have lovely support systems.
I really miss Sara lately. She has sent two wonderful letters. I love her family- her mother and brother are so sweet. I really like Andy. We have our diabetic bond as well. Sara's mother once picked me up at the bus station and carted me to their house, loaded me up with lancets, and let me stay the day. I crawled into bed with a sleeping Sara and read Jeanette Winterson's Oranges are not the only Fruit. It was at this time that I was falling for Sarah but still clinging to Sara.
I am gaining weight again, or at least maintaining a disgustingly heavy one. I am determined not to fall into awful eating patterns again, I must force myself to eat the way I once did. It will be easier once Caecillia and Philip come home on Friday. Biffy and I diet together and such.
I am not sure of the direction my life is taking. Jill seemed rather shocked that I'd take a year off after only 3 semesters of university, but Chris explained that I'm 18 and she nodded and understood. I do miss Wisconsin. I know that I am isolated here, even though it's my home and I love it. That chapter of my life has closed. The happiness of my childhood ended the day I returned from Seattle at 13. The door to that life slammed shut on March 6 of this year. I am no longer allowed in the houe I grew up in.
My narcissistic ways have always ruled my life. I refuse to attend a lower class school like UNM. My family thinks it might be better, but all of us know that I can "do better" and it would disgrace our family to have me at a subpar school. (according to their upper middle-class Jewish ways) I am fully aware that I am intelligent. Yesterday Dr. Davis asked what I would do if it was taken away and my "calling-card trait of child genius" were discarded. I don't know what I'd do. Obviously, I have let it lapse while here in New Mexico. It's nice living a life where no one is after me to perform perform perform.
Oh today is lovely, being alone. I've always been so solitary and life with Jess has thrown me into a social frenzy. It's not that I don't enjoy it, but I am relishing this quiet time to bury my nose in my Holocaust books and think.
I am in the sort of mood during which one donates all possible items to charity and throws away nearly everything in one's possession.
I got my own invitation
I'll make my own way home
When I told you I'm patient
I was wrong
Thursday, August 2, 2001
11:12 p.m.
I sometimes hate IE. Just now I worked on Jessica's page, completely fucked it up, fixed it, fucked it, etc. etc. etc. Of course, I had forgotten that I was concurrently logged in- and everything I did to her page happened to mine. So just when I was ready to throw Haven on the floor and cry, I went to my page. And I saw that it was completely fucked. I couldn't deal, so I shut down Haven, went in the bathroom, locked the door and screamed for a few minutes. Then, I came back, fixed the page in my mom's room, and screamed some more. I hate hate hate.
I checked the messages at some point and my mom is coming back on Saturday. I have to have the ENTIRE house cleaned by then. I don't know, I can't handle all this stress. Everyone seems to think I have this easy life, I don't. It's hard taking care of the house and the people around me. Just cos I'm off meds doesn't mean I'm not depressed, not having anxiety attacks, and sleeping at night. I still deal with all those things.
Lately the anxiety is getting so bad that the anger problems I had been suppressing are kicking it. I want to kill things, very seriously, in a very real way. I need to see Dr. Davis. How can I deal with my agitation if he's not even answering his phone???
I wish I were back at UW psych. It was so easy there, crying. I knew Sarah was gone, I knew what was happening and I could just sit there and cry. Here,I don't have that freedom.
Sh'ma Yisraeil, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai E-chad.
Yesterday's Girl
Thursday, August 2, 2001
09:43 p.m.
Conan says that Nelly Furtado is the new Lord of the Dance. Sometimes Conan is a little weird. There was this girl in my French class freshman year who loved Conan. She did a presentation on him. That was the presentation where we had to convince people of stuff. I have no idea what I did! Kristin did a parody. The girl who loved Conan did one on why he's the hottest man ever and why red chest hair is hott. She also did a presentation on Cyndi Lauper.
Greta is sitting on my lap. She's my baby. I have a family. A partner and two kittens. I'm in love, I have wild sex in the shower and iron my girlfriend's clothes sometimes. I am happy. It's so amazing, my life coming together. I left Wisconsin in a huge mess- now I'm off my meds, I have wonderful supportive friends, baby kittens, and the best girl in the world.
Might I just say that Tierza rocks?? I adore her. I swear, we're chatting a lot lately and I like her more and more every day. She listens, we share silly photos and talk about fun stuff. She's so amazing.
Greta just fell asleep in my lap. I gave Jessica a huge hickey on her cheek. I usually find hickeys very trashy and I avoid them. I don't even remember giving it to her! Oh dear... However, I do remember last night on the floor... heheheh!
The best soy latte that you ever had- and me
Thursday, August 2, 2001
07:54 p.m.
Occasionally things hit me in the face so hard- things I am so unprepared to hear. Jessica and I were talking about this particular issue in the car the other day- and now it's happened. I know this tie was severed months ago, but I still mourn on occasion. (This is where Julie starts yelling at me.) Still, yes still. I miss her. Okay? FINE! I love Jessica more than anything and I love her and wouldn't trade her for anyone, anyone. Still, I miss her. I guess that sometime I'd like to sit with her and tell her to her face that I'm sorry, hug her, and say good-bye, because I never got to. (Poor Tierza, she's the one who listens to my listless irritability.)
I made salad today- the kind Lyena made for me and Anna in the morning- chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, and sour cream. It tastes like a memory. I keep tasting memories. I had key lime soda the other day- I was immediately taken back to the library last fall, eating jelly beans and drinking key lime soda in a study room while a creepy lady with dangling keys stalked by. There are so many foods that I miss. I miss vareniki so badly. Lately I am craving the Russian foods I loved so much.
Olga used to have me over on Monday nights for potato vareniki- still my favorite food. She'd make hundreds, with sautéed onions and sour cream. She'd also make plov' and other yummy things for me to munch on. There would always be extras for me to take home in glass jars. Olga is the best cook I have ever met.
me on Olga's chair after stuffing myself with vareniki
Jessica is here a lot lately. I love her so much, I am so happy! Julie and Santana were over as well- and Julie spent the night. My room is full of Heineken bottles and bottle caps. We took lots of cool pictures on Julie's digital camera and hung out and stuff. The only bad part was that Luka wasn't there- I adore him. We visited him briefly at JCP yesterday. I wish he didn't work there- his work is such a poop dog!!
Greta and Lola went to the vet today! My babies! Lola is growing by leaps and bounds. In less than two weeks, Lola has gained 1 lb and 1 oz! She now weighs 3lbs. 15 oz.!! Greta is still itty and weighs 2lbs 4oz. My darling! She is going to have to have a stool sample because she isn't growing fast enough. Developmentally, she is only eight weeks old. (She is actually 13 weeks old.) Anyway, I made web pages of their photos- you MUST see them. Here they are! Lola and Greta. Visit them!
Wanna see me and Jessica?? Here we are!
Jessica and Colette
