walk away from death
into the land of the living
where are the lost tribes
are finally found
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
10:35 p.m.

My favorite blogger's baby has not yet arrived. Everyday, I rush to the computer to check on the baby's arrival status. I interpret every lack-of-update as a trip to the delivery room. Then, I am filled with glee as a new update appears. The hardest part of following pregnancy blogs are the days following delivery when Mama is not yet ready to post. Not that I think mamas should post immediately, but the suspense is tummy-wiggling.

I'm all about reading adoption blogs. I started reading transracial adoption blogs in preparation for this year's MultiBiRacial discussion at Congress. I hear so many heartbreaking tales of children of color whose parents can't fathom their children's identity. I like to read white parents blogs to watch how they deal with their own racism as their adoptions progress. Some parents take the responsibility very seriously, examining their privilege and the society that created it. Others think of themselves as their child's savior, their son or daughter a special gift from Jesus. It's sad when that happens. I've talked to different parents who adopted transracially and many become very defensive. Still, it must be said that living as a person of color is much more difficult than trying to understand how someone else does.

I have relatives who live in foster care with white parents who villify their mother and think of her as a "drunk Indian." My heart twists painfully when I think of Indian children living with white parents. What hurts is that there are so many Indian people want to care for Indian foster children but are prevented from doing so.

Last year, at the Dells pow wow, I sat in the stands watching the dancing. A white lesbian couple had brought their two Native children, two girls. The girls were wearing those cheap "war bonnets" with bright plastic feathers purchased by their parents. I could see them looking around, enthralled by the dancing and obviously feeling the drum beats in their bones. Their parents held them back from joining in the intertribal dances and sat on the bleachers chewing on their blanket dogs. I wanted to gather up those little girls who looked so much like me and dance them around the drums. Oh, "the system" is flawed!

On another note, Halle Berry is a very, very hot Catwoman.

How many times can it escalate
Till it elevates to a place I can’t breathe?
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
01:40 a.m.

So, the news of the week is my mobile phone. Last Friday, as I was leaving the house to see a movie with Burton and Julie, I found my phone on the floor, broken. Now, I know I did not break the phone. I would have noticed had I broken my phone. However, because I can't remember who was over Thursday night, if anyone at all, I can't really ask the phone-breaker to get me a new phone. So, now I need a new phone.

Of course, I have very little money, so it comes down to me a) paying my mobile bill with this paycheck or b) buying a new phone with it. Now, I do have insurance on said phone, but after perusing the Verizon site on several occasions, I can't find anything about how to actually procure a new phone with said insurance.

Then, right after my phone breaks, I get a post card in the mail. There is a class action suit against Verizon regarding mobile insurance. Great. So, now I have to wade through all this legal jargon to see if I'm eligible to receive a settlement, if in fact the case grants the class members one.

On top of all this, my phone is broken and I can't receive any calls and because my phone broke, the satellite thinks it's still on. So, whomever calls my mobile still has to wait through six rings just to get to my voice mail. ARGH! Of course, the only way to shorten the number of rings is on the phone itself, which does not even turn on.

So, if you need to reach me, e-mail me or call my home number.

all walls are great if the roof doesn't fall
Sunday, June 27, 2004
05:36 p.m.

Calling queers to hang out last night was a great success. Eric, Diana, and Cedric showed up for a night of over-brewed iced tea, Margaret Cho, playing with the webcam, and deconstructing deviousness. Cedric and I woke up late, made pancakes, and listened to Björk. This afternoon, he and I went to Westgate to shop for Playmobil and mango tea. I love having Cedric as a houseguest, he makes me laugh. Working on the march this spring made me somewhat of a recluse this spring, finding my friends again is such a blessing.

Do you know what tastes good? Berries. Berries taste good. I like blue-colored berries, like boysenberries, blueberries, and blackberries. I also like berries with tiny cute bumps, like raspberries. Do you know what does not taste good? Strawberries. They look like they forgot to shave.

stars shining bright above you
night breezes seem to whisper
Saturday, June 26, 2004
08:05 p.m.

Ah! The weekend! I try to be productive on weekends, though Saturday productivity is nothing like M-F. I woke up to be interviewed by Pabitra for her last few credits at UW. I think I mostly sounded like an idiot, especially because I had to speak an a slightly unnatural volume due to background noise and lack of microphone. (Of course, as Pabitra packed up the camcorder post-interview, she found one of those clip-on microphones that makes you look like a guest on David Letterman.)

Not at all deterred by yesterday's huge biking workout (I rode to Eastgate Cinema and back to see Fahrenheit 9/11 with Burton and Julie), I took on the west side. I rode over to Regent to meet my friend Kristin and we went to the Vilas Zoo". The animals were lethargic, the visiting children were not. Out of about 400 kids, I only saw 3 that I'd consider cute/nice/well-behaved. The best animals were the prairie dogs, otters, and squirrel monkeys; the worst were the two vultures stalking around the giraffe enclosure. I'd planned to go to Puffins after the zoo, but my slow-ass biking skills got me there a mere 3 minutes before close. I consoled myself with a raspberry cream soda and headed for Hilldale. I biked home from there as well.

I love biking. I also hate biking. Summertime Colette means skirts and only skirts. Unfortunately, skirts + bike = scandal (and chafed inner thighs, in case you wanted far too much information). Oh well.

So, I saw the Michael Moore movie. Let's just say I was disappointed. I wouldn't see it again and the only reason I'm content with spending 5.50 on it is that I can now deter others from seeing it. The theatre was filled with the requisite middle-aged liberal white men with beards and prententious, socialist-leaning college guys. No surprise there. The movie wasn't anything beyond a poor visualisation of Mr. Moore's books. If you need a summer movie fix, go see Harry Potter instead. Seriously.

Another important part of summer is reading other people's blogs. I like parenting blogs. In fact, I only really like parenting blogs and those of my friends. My current favorite is Greener Pastures. It's about an expatriate family newly in Victoria, B.C. I've been reading it about a month and I adore it. Seriously. Read it. The author, Mollie, is about to give birth as well. She's a few days past her due date, inducing excitement and frequent refreshing in manner of dooce reading last February. Her son, Nico, is possibly the cutest child to grace this earth. Seriously. I keep telling my friends about his precocious bike riding skills and showing all houseguests Mollie's photos of him riding a horse. The kid is a genius and the blog is fantastic. Read it. I love it.

Waiting for my iced tea to cool is getting ridiculous. I'm going to see if I can quit thinking about it by calling up some queers to hang out.

suerte que mis pechos sean pequenos
y no los confundas con montanas
Thursday, June 24, 2004
06:54 p.m.

Ah, Thursday. It was my favorite day of the week when I was little. I was too arrogant to like Friday like everyone else. So, here I am, eating another one of my odd concotions. This one is a pseudo-macaroni and cheese dish. It's orzo, mozzarella, sharp cheddar, sour cream, baby peas, a large dose of hot sauce, and tablespoon of black pepper. I'll probably have to get my arteries declogged from eating it, but it tastes good.

Last night, a tornado touched down in Madison. Cedric, Nabeela, and Maryam were over so it was pretty hectic. Cedric called his sister to let her know she could have his belongings if he died. Nabeela and Maryam went out doors to look at the eery green sky. We live next door to construction and the crane was spinning around, creaking. Fatima, Cedric, Erin, and I crouched in the parking area with the gerbils frantically running around in their purple plastic ball.

Those gerbils know all about emergencies. On Saturday morning, the fire alarm went off at 8am and contined until noon. The gerbils got to go downstairs in the purple plastic ball several times. The sexy lady firefighter complimented me on my concern for their safety. Whoo!

I finished reading Julia Alvarez' In the Time of the Butterflies. I loved it. I have so much non-fiction to get through for my summer research, but I can't stomach it. I want to keep reading fiction!

full is not heavy as empty, not nearly my love
not nearly
Friday, June 11, 2004
03:05 p.m.

On the eve of the June 2004 United Council General Assembly, I'm curled up in an office chair at the LGBT Campus Center, bemoaning my cramps and waiting for my mom to come pick me up. Last year, the weather was the same, chilly and drizzly. Lilia and I had broken up the day before. It was my first GA. Funny how things can change in year.

A year ago, my only awareness of Choice USA was that Sadie worked there. Periodically, I'd read the features on the site. Now, I'm waiting to hear back from Erica and Ajita regarding the joing Choice USA/ USSA internship because I like the org. so much I don't want to stop. The interview was very short, about 10 minutes long. I didn't answer anything very thoroughly because I am about to fall over from exhaustion.

I tend to stay up too late. Last night, I was up until 2am studying German. I am taking a placement test on Monday and I wanted to be sure to test into the 2nd year of study. I miss international travel. I miss travel for leisure. I miss the cleanliness of Germany; I am thinking of asking Marianne if I might visit her in the fall/winter.

Well, I need to get back to work.

bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky
i know this love of mine will never die
and i love her
Friday, June 11, 2004
01:50 a.m.

Ah, my relationship. I love it. Still, it is odd to be isolated from the "queer social scene." I don't miss it as much as I thought I would. In fact, I'm perfectly content to sit at home with the GF reading, watching documentaries, and playing Scrabble. I would probably feel the "loss" of being out and about if I actually liked going out.

I hate going out. I hate dancing (non-choreographically). I hate going to bars. I don't mind playing pool, but I don't like smoky pool hools. Furthermore, I loathe alcohol. I'm mostly just... antisocial. That's not true. I am very social, I just despise being social in groups larger than three. This has caused problems in previous relationships, wherein I would smother my partner's social life by refusing to join her at clubs or bars. It's just not my think. I think I might be kind of an old lady.

I love dressing up and going out for non-social events, like plays, musicals, and the ballet. I love going to dinner with one or two friends. I just hate large groups. I become self-conscious and strange; I say odd things that do not fit properly into conversation. I am, to say the least, socially inept.

I still consider myself a fairly nice person, I just don't like parties. A great evening for me involves a novel, a cup of tea/glass of juice and a squashy chair. A DVD is okay as well. This isn't to say I'm not active. Within the bounds of the maximum two companions, I love to go camping, hiking, swimming, skating, exploring the zoo, or biking all over the county. However, I do not like things that involve dark smoky places, large groups of people, and/or alcohol.

Now, I'm off to bed. I have a job interview tomorrow, as well as an aptitude test in German. Whee!

you don't own me!
Monday, June 7, 2004
12:19 a.m.

It's beginning to feel like summer in Madison! After weeks of sweater weather, the air has taken a turn for the warmer. The GF and I celebrated with a trip to Milwaukee on Thursday and an outing to see Harry Potter on Friday. Milwaukee meant getting mango body butter at The Body Shop and mango curry at The King & I. That mango curry.... Lordisa, it was the best food I have had in forever. Mangos, red bell peppers, chicken and more all over the best rice ever. Yum. Ever since Boulder, I've developed a love affair with mangos.

I also have 2 new pets, a pair of gerbils called Frida and Diego. Frida's the adventurous one and Diego's a little, well, challenged. Frida got out today and Fatima had to sit by the dishwasher for forty minutes waiting for her to crawl out from under the counterspace. They have a purple exercise ball and run around the house in it.

The summer break between spring semester and summer session is my absolute favorite time of year. Little to no responsibility, warm weather, and lots of time to read. I've been cooking multi-colored pepper feasts and catching up on fiction. Bharati Mukherjee's Desirable Daughters is excellent, as is Ruth Ozeki's My Year of Meats. Even though the stack of Indian History books is calling to me, I am dreading the start of my summer reseach and the onslaught on long nights reading non-fiction in the Memorial Library cages.

I love mangoes!