Kissy Star-Cowboy

Willing to Fight
Thursday, February 28, 2002
12:31 a.m.

i was a long time coming, i'll be a long time gone
So, yesterday I met Jessica at the bus stop and we ate at Frontier and stopped at Marc's guitars, just to browse and act like idiots in general, wishing we could afford a guitar and be like Tierza and Erin. Then, there in the corner was a guitar for $59, As Is because it's a little twangy, but great for beginners. I figured she had to buy it cos it was As Is which is Jessica's favorite Ani song. So, we went outside, thought about it, and bought it! So, Jessica is the proud owner of a guitar. I haven't tried it yet, but maybe I'll learn a little something from it.

you've got your whole life to do something and that's not very long
That's not the half of it. We were walking down the street, away from the guitar shop so that I could go to the magick shop and so Jessica could catch the South Lot bus. Then this woman walks by and I tell Jess, "damn, she looks exactly like Ani DiFranco!" Then, I see her hands- the thumb tattoo was there. It WAS Ani DiFranco! So we ran ahead and she gave me her autograph and we chatted a bit. She was interested in the new guitar and Jess showed it to her and then Ani signed it. It was so intense. Then she shook my hand and went off to eat at Frontier. Isn't that nuts?

so why don't you give me a call when you're willing to fight
So, yesterday was pretty intense. On Buffy, Willow mentioned that she and Tara are now on speaking terms. Yes! Stuff is pretty fun lately. We're hanging out with Tracie a lot- she's a really cool girl. She went on her date with Whitney tonight. Jess will get the lowdown tomorrow in Lesbian Politics & Culture class and then she's gonna tell me when we get home. (I have a meeting at the Health Sciences Center.)

for what you think is real, for what you think is right
Today Luka and I went to this New Age book shop, Blue Eagle. It was awesome. I bought a book and a pentacle. That's all I can afford, sad and pathetic little me. It's an amazing store and has everything... If I get the Wild Oats job, I'm gonna spend half my time bribing Luka to drive me to Scottsdale Village to visit the shop. They have two kitties who wander the shop as well. It's just a really awesome place.

So, time for bed, on the night of the full moon.

Sweepstakes Prize
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
11:47 a.m.

you remind me of a firework, you touch the ceiling, you touch the floor
I love the springtime, or the beginning of spring, as it were. Everything becomes green again and my life blossoms as well. I am happy right now, with my friendships and growing involvement in the feminist community here in Albuquerque. I am proud of my work and studies and I am excited about working and contributing to my little "family." I feel ready to move out into the world and be a more valuable addition to society.

you sparkle and burn but you take your time and i bet i could carry you across state lines
One of the parts of one of my job applications involves drawing a picture of my wildest dreams. What are my wildest dreams? Of course there's the typical world peace and the ability to support myself and my family. Then there's what I want to become. I'd like to live in Nepal with my partner, studying Hanuman Langurs and building schools in remote communities. I'd spend my free time hiking and climbing in the Annapurna sanctuary. I'd eat wonderful food like dal and samosas. It'd be such an exciting and fulfilling existence. I just have to get through the throes of adolescence, I suppose. That's the hard part.

you know all of my secret ideas, the ones i'm giving up on and the ones i'll keep
I love living here at the apartment with Luka and Jessica so much. Luka is awesome and we really have fun, on our errands around the city and building and destroying the lives of our Sims. I adore Jessica and taking care and loving her makes me so happy. I love the look on her face when I suprise her by appearing at Frontier or when I make lemon bars for her. Our relationship is so amazing, it gets better and more suprising every day. I love this little family. I adore the evenings when we're quietly at home, Jessica on the couch reading for Race Class Feminism, Luka laughing aloud while he reads The Godfather and me on the floor studying my tarot cards. I'm really content.

and everybody sees a funny look in our eyes, cos we know that we already won the sweepstakes prize
Our friend Tracy is so awesome. She rocks. Yesterday, we went with her to cheerleading. There wasn't a practice, so everyone just hung out and talked and drank tea. Casey gave me a box of Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea and Jen gave me a tin of Jasmine tea. Everyone there is really awesome and aware. I love the environment, it really motivates me to do what I love, activism. It brings out the best in Jessica too. After we left, we went over to Tracy's dorm and hung out, being big dorks. Tracy likes Rent too so we sang Light My Candle, taking turns being Roger and Mimi. We prepped her to call and ask a girl out. When the girl accepted, we giggled and acted like big dorks picking out Tracy's outfit! It was awesome. We might hang out with her tonight again, which rocks. Right now, life is so exciting and cool.

What a Difference a Day Made
Sunday, February 24, 2002
10:58 p.m.

What a difference a day made, twenty four little hours
Today's been really long. I actually woke fairly early, at 9am. I had a creepy dream involving Luka and gunslingers. Anyway, today Luka and I went to my mom's house and Home Depot. Then, I went with Jess to the doctor's. I'm really tired now and I haven't even studied any tarot cards yet. I'll take Sunday as a day off, I suppose, because I really don't want to do four cards tomorrow.

Brought the sun and the flowers where there used to be rain
The other night, we all went out and played pool. All is me, Luka, Jess, and Tracie. Tracie, if I may say so, is really awesome. She's one of the cheerleaders. She reminds me of myself in my freshman year at UW- really active, full of energy, with a handful of incredible mentors. I guess I let that slide. My new Archaeology has an article by Dr. Kenoyer. I'm so out of touch with my old life that I didn't even know it was coming out in the first place. Still, I'm starting to get into the old swing of things, regarding activism.

My yesterday was blue dear, today I’m a part of you dear
I'm applying for a job at Wild Oats. I turned in an application at the New Age jewelry stand in the mall, but they haven't called. That's just as well, considering that there's no direct bus route there, so I'd have to jumble the limited bus schedule with an equally bizarro mall work schedule. I'd love to work at Wild Oats or at the library. I really want a job. I want to be helpful, you know, contribute to rent and buy more groceries and such. I feel like a barnacle.

My lonely nights are through dear, since you said you were mine
Among the things I can't fathom- sedimentary rocks. It's beyond imagining, in my opinion, that tiny rock bits can be squished to such an extent that they are welded together to make one big rock. Or fossils... the process in which bone becomes stone. It just blows my mind. Geology is really intense, because humans can never quite grasp how much time has really passed since the beginning of... matter. I can barely grasp one hundred century. Sitting down and forcing your mind to imagine simply the 4 1/2 billion since the Earth's creation- it's too much to handle.

Protest Song
Friday, February 22, 2002
06:31 p.m.

I don't know when freedom's gonna come
The day before yesterday, I helped out the Radical Cheerleaders with their protest. There's a group on campus that has put up a huge display against abortion. They're showing graphic pictures of 21-week miscarried fetuses, forcing people to assume that babies of that age are being aborted. They're horrible and so big that you can't escape seeing them. They also have signs that say "Warning: Genocide Photos Ahead." So the cheerleaders had a carnival set up- the "Yr Momma Had a Choice" carnival. It was awesome, with all sorts of games. I tabled for a little while. Then, we all lined up and marched over to the demonstration. We all threw coat hangers on the ground and squirted fake blood over them. Half an hour later, we taped our mouths shut and marched back over to the pile of hangers. Then, we all ripped the tape off of our mouths, dropped to the ground, and chalked it with coat hangers and "NEVER AGAIN." We stood up, grabbed the coat hangers, raised them, dripping red, in our right hands and marched by twos back to the carnival. The two girls in front dribbled the fake blood between us, so that a trail of it led from where the hangers were back to the carnival. It was intense. I loved getting back into the activist swing of things. I'm so glad Jess has found such awesome people.

I don't know when justice will be won
Later that night, Jess and I went and meet the kids on Central for the Boycott the Copper Lounge protest. It was fun, the people are really awesome. Three patrons turned around in the parking lot and left after seeing/hearing our demonstration. Woot! It was like "old times." I miss the kids back at home, but it's been awesome hanging out with the kids here.

I just know it's gonna take everyone
My tarot study is coming along really well. My drawings of the cards are improving and so is my intuition. I need to work on being fully concentrated and in tune with what I am learning. I'm having a hard time with The Hanged Man, it's a really powerful card and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm going to have to think and feel it more personally, it's as though I'm pushing it away for some reason.

I just know our work is far from done
So,it's a Friday night and Jess and I want to go out. No one's around really, but we want to go out and do something. I want to go Galactic Bowling or to Billiards or something. I took a long bath with a few drops of this "rain" essence Jess got at Luna Loca. I feel really refreshed and ready to go out and do something. Plus, tomorrow's Jess' day off, so we can stay up late or whatnot! People should check out Jessica's Page, her new design rocks!

Never Seen Blue
Sunday, February 10, 2002
10:58 a.m.

some boy you are to take me by the hand, through an elevator
I'm not very good at meditating. I keep opening my eyes. I have a hard time focusing my thoughts. I am working on breathing properly, so that I am not so jittery. I have a hard time focusing my thoughts on any one thing in general. I don't know what my attention span is like. I can read or do whatever for hours at a time, but I can't keep my actual thoughts concentrated. I wonder if that means anything? Probably not.

you said, girl if you think you can turn that violator, you'll finally be that woman, yes

Yesterday was a good day. I went downtown and to the university district. I spent the birthday money from my dad on the Goddess Tarot book and workbook. Kind of ironic that he be the one to unknowingly fund my recovery. I also mailed the package off to Stephanie! I had fun at Luna Loca. They have a Wicca group that I'm going to go to. I also got some information on yoga places. Luka and I are going to take yoga together. Jessica says we have to wear thong leotards!

some boy you are are to wear my color red, to wear it very proudly and wear it like a lady
Friday was Jessica's twentieth birthday! Marian came down from Santa Fe and Bartana came over. It was a nice little party. We had pizza and cake and there were lots of presents and such. Marian gave me, Jess, and Luka Powerball tickets but we did not win 18 million dollars. Perhaps next time. After the party, Luka, Jess, Bartana, and I went and saw Rollerball. Jessica's treat. :) Anyway, it was horrible violent and just plain wretched. Hideously wretched. Bartana missed it because they were having sex on the movie seats instead of watching. If you're thinking of seeing Rollerball, don't.

i've never seen blue like the blues he drives, in and around and through me again
I have been eating really badly lately. One meal a day, but a gigantic meal when I do eat. Truly gigantic and sugary and gross. I should watch that more carefully. It's not healthy. Health. Luka and I went to my financial aid consult at the UNM Health Sciences building. The woman we spoke to was really annoying. REALLY annoying. I am praying that when I go back on the 28th, I don't have her again. She really was terrible.

Purple People
Friday, February 8, 2002
10:28 a.m.

Well hey do you do Judo when they surround you?
Studying tarot. Dr. Niedhardt seemed kind of against it (he appears to really want me to follow a traditional spiritual path, which he says will guide me into wellness). My tarot journal is slowly filling and I feel as though I am very close to the few cards I have learned to work with.

A little mental yoga will they disappear?
I haven't started my Book of Shadows yet. I'm not ready. Besides, I shouldn't really talk about it. I'm still reading Lady of Avalon and I can definitely see it begin to foreshadow Uther Pendragon. There was an amazing part describing the High Priestess' vision of the stars. The constellations were coming to life, it was incredible.

so hey do you do Judo in your finery?
I want to work at the library. The only real downside to it is that your hands get all chapped from shelving all the time. I can deal with that. Lotion. It'd be nice, in so many ways. A job would mean meeting people and maybe making friends. It'd mean extra access to the online hold system. And, I could satisfy my OCD'd self by putting books into numerical and alphabetical order. woot!

an angel's face is tricky to wear constantly
I really miss Madison. There are so many things I want to buy at Shakti! I want to go eat samosas in yogurt sauce at Himal Chuli and basil noodle squiggles at Noodles. I miss "getting" stuff with Mash at UBS. I think that when I return to school, I might very well go back to UW. I have a place there. It'll be kind of odd though. I know you can never go back to the same place twice, but I really miss it.

Spark
Monday, February 4, 2002
07:28 p.m.

she's addicted to nicotine patches
Home again. Philip's on the phone and I've just finished catching up with a pile of correspondence. It's odd, how my life fits into neat little segments. I have moved so often that my friends all fit into easily defined groups. I miss them all. It's difficult to keep up with everyone when long distance and plane fares are so expensive.

she's afraid of the light in the dark
I've been studying Wicca and my tarot cards. I have the perfect journal for my Book of Shadows, it's black cloth with gold embroidery and little stones. Nanny sent it to me. My tarot journal is also from Nanny; it comes from Utrecht. My mother has forbidden both tarot and Wicca. I want to know more about why Pueblo people hate witches so much, but she doesn't really want to talk about it. There's a book with a chapter on such at the University Bookstore. I may read it sometime.

she's convinced she could hold back a glacier
I'm nineteen now. That's a little overwhelming. It feels the same as eighteen though, as all birthdays do. It was a big letdown, turning ten. I expected that birthday to be really life-changing. Oh well. Jessica turns twenty on Friday; most of her presents are ready. Then Tida will be one in a few weeks. Tempus Fugit.

how many fates turn around in the overtime
I'm on the second of Marion Zimmer Bradley's prequels to The Mists of Avalon. The one I'm reading now, Lady of Avalon is a continuation of the The Forest House. The last of the prequels appears totally different. When I finish them, I'll have to ask Becky and Sarah for more recommendations.

6.58 aare you sure where my spark is
Well, I have a lot to do tonight. I've been really behind on my messageboards and fic due to the keyboard on Stan breaking and Topi just being a mess. Haven (this computer) is really glad I'm back, I think.