Do you know where friendship ends
and passion does begin?
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
11:49 p.m.
Parenting blogs are the best blogs. There is little better than coming home from an exhausting day of work, studying, and horrific class (lived through the filter of illness no less) and finding that at least half of your favorite reads have been updated. Since my top (non-Saraic) blogs are all parenting blogs, they are not updated all that frequently as the bloggers have kids to mind. So, lots of updates + babies = blog reading heaven.
I have a horrific history exam tomorrow. How does one cope with that? You hole yourself up in a conference room in the Red Gym (reserved for Wunk Sheek, like it's actual student organization business) with the whole crew from the front row. My American Indian history class has sixty people and six people of color. All of us sit in the front row (plus Renée cos she's my captive, duh), this bastion of brown people, with all the blank stare white students behind us. I am psyched for the exam tomorrow. Ever since I started Ritalin, exams and homework have become extremely thrilling.
Today is Ash Wednesday so Renée and I went to mass at Saint Paul's. It was the social event of the evening. I saw fellow ASMers and Barb, our token straight sorority girl volunteer from the LGBTCC. The closing song's refrain was "Jerusalem, Our Destiny!" It felt like summer camp. I briefly imagined myself and Renée in white gym socks and little green shorts carrying canteens through Palestine. The church also gave us each a nail to keep in our pockets throughout Lent to remind us to be penitential. I haven't yet decided what to give up for Lent.
Unfortunately, mass-going made me miss the Women of Color circle. Rumour has it that Melissa demonstrated strap-on usage. Why did I have to miss such an event? Oh, that's right. Religion. I've always liked how statues are covered in purple during Lent. Hey, if you can't enjoy the statues, at least you get to look at the giant purple plastic bags, right?
My mom called me at work today with question about Bush's stupid federal constitutional Defense of Marriage amendment. She's actually really amazing about it. She asked Uncle David if he and Gian Franco had even experienced any stress because of not marrying. I explained that legalizing gay marriage would not force the Catholic Church to perform gay weddings. We discussed the difference between civil and religious marriage. It was actually pretty chill, discussing queer rights legislation with my mom. True to her nature, she already had a few articles for me to check out on LEXISNEXIS, including one about the brief period of gay civil marriage in Sandoval County, NM. I love my mom.
On that note, I'm taking some Sudafed, pulling up some ER from TiVO, and getting into bed.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
09:15 p.m.
My whole life keeps flooding together, era after era; I wonder when this one will end. I have lived in so many rooms, padded down so many hallways to so many mildewy bathrooms. Since I left for Ukraine six years ago, I've felt so itinerant. Even Mama's house feels foreign when I am there, unlocking the gate and basking on top of the rail car.
I am terrified of selling these bus tickets.
dar;ling just start the chase, i'll let you in
but you must make the endeavor
Sunday, February 22, 2004
12:26 a.m.
The end of February looms nearer and nearer. I reacted by taking a deep breath and washing my dishes. I am not going to go into it, but I am quite sure that the woman who got the MacArthur for studying communicative glowing bacteria could have found quite a few test subjects in the Rubbermaid tub on top of my fridge. Gross.
Yesterday was a fabulous whirlwind of shopping with Casey and dinner at the Casbah. I had this chicken pastry thing that was like an entrée and dessert all at once. It was, of course, followed by a cake full of pink candles and brownies. Brownies are wonderful.
I got a rejection letter in the mail today. I need to start getting used to those- I have to start applying to grad school soon. There are quite a lot of student affairs positions available if one has a graduate degree in higher education. So, I suppose my career plans aren't that misguided. I hear people in the School of Ed have a thing against Teach for America teachers. I don't know much about Teach for America, but I bet the majority of School of Ed peeps aren't itching to go teach in poverty-stricken urban and rural schools.
I'm considering Teach for America in Gallup, NM. More likely, I will plow through graduate school with a death wish, praying for a position in New Mexico the entire time. We'll see how it goes. I have to take a GRE class this fall and I am thoroughly terrified. I don't think I've learned any new vocabulary or logic skills in the past five years.
I have, however, developed an unhealthy liking for ER, white cheddar Cheetos, theSims, and vibrators.
They tell me time will help me forget you
But they can't make me regret you
Thursday, February 19, 2004
11:45 a.m.
Time is moving along far too quickly for my tastes. My days lack individuality, the hours in the LGBTCC, class, and talking to organizations about the March for Women's Lives all blend together at some point, leaving me to sleep fitfully with ER in the background.
There is so much to do! I am applying for a Wisconsin Idea Grant for my American Indian Guide to UW-Madison, forging my way through new and exciting (yeah right) worlds of American Indian Studies, attempting to get 300 pro-choice youth onto six buses to Washington DC, and trying to get enough rest. I haven't seen much of my friends lately and all I want to consume is grapefruit juice, despite my previous citrus phobia.
The City of Madison voted down the Ho-Chunk Casino expansion 2 to 1. I'm proud of all the work the Coalition for Fair Indian Gaming did and especially proud of Casey for his unending advocacy for Indian peoples. Queers are getting married in CA and I'm pondering exodus there myself, if only to escape the dread dull of this whitewashed campus for two years of graduate school drudgery.
Of course, all of this melodrama is punctuated by delightful bursts of gametime with the latest Sims expansion pack. I have put my Sims to work making beeswax, churning butter, and training their pets. Ah, sweet mysteries of life!
travelling 'round the world
looking for a native girl
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
11:59 p.m.
I'm up late (when did midnight become "late"?) after a long day of class, McNair stuff, more class, and the Diversity Oversight Committee. I got back from Washington DC on Sunday night. I am petrified of my job, despite loving it beyond belief. I am really excited and subsequently, having been wearing a Choice USA shirt non-stop ever since.
I returned complete with a beaver puppet for the GF. She is kind of scared of it, actually. I brought it with me to class today. I chased Ned out the door with it; he said "that was last week's lecture!" Ned was wearing his Mr. Rogers cardigan today; he is super cute. When I was 13 years old, I wrote this long entry in my journal about my plans to marry him. This entry is terminally embarassing, but it's true, Ned is cute. In the Diversity Oversight Committee, Will Clifton (Vice Chancellor's Office) also proclaimed his affinity for my stuffed beaver. Yeah!
I sent in my application for the Washington Internships for Native Students Program. I really, really want to get it. I talked to my McNair counselor about it. My other option is to stay here in Madison and study for the summer. I want to do one of the Asian Language Institute programs and obviously, my infernal eternal research. I have realized that I need to begin applying for grad school and taking the GREs in the fall. Oh. My. God.
I am about to "grow up" and the thought is terrifying.
I spend the night
I lay awake and miss you when you go
without me
Wednesday, February 4, 2004
08:15 p.m.
Remember that nocturnal phase? It didn't last. For the past few nights, I've fallen asleep within one hour of returning home from various meetings. I never wrote my MadObserver article this week because I fell asleep. This however, has led to facility in waking early. (Not really, but let's pretend going to bed early means it's easier to wake up early.)
I have a paper due tomorrow in Ned's class, so Renée, Fatima and I have holed ourselves up in the Red Gym reading a fairly simplistic book and two horrific articles. It's only a three page paper, so if I finish it, I may get to do one of my boring self-imposed assignments.
I talked to Manish today so it's off to DC for me on Friday. Renée has agreed to drive me to the airport as well as fetch me from its clutches on Sunday. She has to, because she's my captive. I'm currently assimilating her into my ways. Soon, she will be playing Sims and wearing far too much pink.
Okay. I must get back to the fairly simplistic book's last forty pages.
My baby don't mess around
Because she loves me so
Tuesday, February 3, 2004
01:28 a.m.
I'm becoming nocturnal again. It's 1:30 and I'm up reading for Larry Nesper's class. Of course, were I reading for Ned's class, I'd be asleep in a minute. I have to discuss a Ward Churchill article in front of class with a small group of other students. I don't want to do this. The articles are about Indian identity and how mixed-blood, full-blood, and wannabes relate to each other. Reading the article was really difficult because it pretty much psychologically examined me. I could see myself in the stages it described, could see my brother, my sister, my friends.
I want to study this stuff, to know this stuff. I just don't know if I want to be tested on it, I feel like I'm going to be tested on how good I am at being an Indian. I could classify myself into one of the stages described in the textbook, the stage where I throw myself into all things Indian but am constantly terrified that people will decry me for my father's origins.
Other than all that jazz, school and the like are going well. I have Diversity Oversight tomorrow; I musn't forget. Since I quit ASM, I've been using my planner less and spending my evenings studying, watching ER, and generally thrilling in life outside of Rm 511, Memorial Union.
This weekend, I'm off to Washington DC. I may have someone special waiting for me on Sunday, but I don't want to get my hopes up too high.
but now i know your heart is shackled to a memory
Sunday, February 1, 2004
09:07 p.m.
So, the Ritalin helps me concentrate. Despite my two gigantic readers which need to be devoured by Tuesday, I spent the majority of the evening reading the first 200 pages of the novel my sister sent me for my birthday. I am blessed to have so many loved ones. Nicole sent me a birthday gift as well; a surprise in my mailbox as I waddled through the lobby in my winter clothes.
I love Professor Hill's class. I took one of her classes this summer as well. One day I took Shell Shaker to the park, curled up on a park bench with my bike leaning against it, and read for hours as little yuppie kids played. I love the book we are reading now, each chapter telling stories about various virtues. Professor Hill is likely my favorite professor here at UW.
I am quiet in her class, wanting to see what the non-ndn students will say. I nearly always have my blue-covered journal with me. My notes on my classmates are almost more important that my notes on Momaday.
Well, I am going to brave the cold to see my friend Stephanie for a study session.
It's okay, you suddenly say,
Maybe it's love.
Sunday, February 1, 2004
01:24 p.m.
February begins today and it looks slightly warmer outdoors. Perhaps I'm just imagining things because the paths are cleared of ice. I haven't been outside since Friday; I've spent the weekend watching movies, sporadically doing my homework, and attempting to decipher Iranian television.
There are far too many Democratic candidates for the Presidency. I had difficulty physically discerning Gore and Bush in the last presidential election- this one is hopeless. Despite my general political inclination, I can't handle all these battling old white dudes so I'm just going to wait until the convention picks their candidate. Strangely enough, presidential elections are the political area where I rely on Sara's expertise and not vice versa.
You know what would be fun? A cruise. I have never been on a cruise. Actually, the thing which is most appealing is that there are buffets and you can just sit around and eat and then fall asleep in the sun. How much better can you get than that?
