4:40pm, Thursday, February 22, 2001
The one thing I really like about this moving business is that I'm wearing jeans for work today. Everyone else gets to do this every day, but they all work in the lab. It's a special thing for me :)
12:42 p.m., Thursday, February 22, 2001
My bottom has a fan club. It's only got three members, but they're enthusiastic ;p
I noticed the other day that one of my friends has a relatively large backside. Not good or bad, I didn't think 'that's really nice' or 'that's horrendous', just noticed. And since then, I've been trying to look at my bottom in the mirror and having traumas that it must be huge and I just can't see. I think I'm going to have to get someone to take a picture so I can see if it's as bad as I imagine. If it is... I might have to die of embarassment.
9:46am, Thursday, February 22, 2001
Just wanted to say I got an early night last night and I feel much, much better for it. The messages from Mel and Marjorie, and the email from Johanna, only served to brighten up my morning even more. And I'm getting stuff done and I'll start packing soon.
Life is better today.
5:15pm, Wednesday, February 21, 2001
I'm feeling drained.
I want to write a journal entry. I've been wanting to write one constantly this week. There's nothing like not having time to write to make it something I'm desparate to do. Writing here isn't so much of an effort.
But I've been busy. Working. And it feels good to be productive in work. But it's depressing too. Depressing that my work is so simple. So little valued. Depressing that I'm always one job behind, so every time one person in particular asks if I've done what he asked, I have to say no.
Depressing that this one week when I've spent so little time on the internet (and if it wasn't for hosting going at descending.net, it would have been even less), I get someone saying to me (on his way out of the office so I couldn't even talk to him about it) "you must spend more time on the internet than anyone else here". I could have cried. I hate it. I know I'm in the wrong. But when all I have to do is pack crates, change phone numbers, order signs for the lab... I've got a brain dammit. And granted, so has everyone else here and theirs aren't needed this week... but they were last week and they will be next. I feel like ornamentation.
And I'm not willing to do anything about it. Because any spare time I have I should be finishing my reflexology, not job hunting. And I can't reconcile that. I have too much to do, so I do nothing.
Please, people, send me encouragement? I need my friends right now :(
5:08pm, Wednesday, February 21, 2001
The Odyssey's back!!!!
Of course, I'd be happier if Netscape showed the bloody thing, but hey.... *sigh*
1:37pm, Wednesday, February 21, 2001
Last night was fun. I made bread! I've never made bread before in my life. And it turned out OK... looks perfect, but there's something missing from the taste, and I can't work out what. I have a theory though that it's that normally I eat wholemeal bread, and occasionally white. Never ever brown. But the flour I bought was brown. So maybe I'm just not used to the taste.
And Alan and I went to Ellen's and we watched Shakespeare in Love, which Alan got for Christmas. It was really good. If you've not seen it, do! Now!
And Ellen has scales, so I weighed myself, for the first time since I was at my parents at Christmas. I am now just under 9 stone. This is 57kg or about 125 pounds. I haven't weighed this little since I was about 14. And I wish it wasn't such a buzz. It doesn't change anything. I've still got too much body fat and too little muscle. My diet is fine, my relationship with food is healthy - I'm mostly vegan, and if I want to indulge I can do (seeing as most of the stuff I can eat that I see as a treat is hardly unhealthy), but I need more exercise. And the fact that the numbers on the scales tell me that I'm average for my height doesn't change that.
This is why weighing yourself is pointless. And why losing weight is pointless if you don't love your body in the first place. Mostly I'm pleased with my reflection, but sometimes I look in the mirror and only see the pockets of fat and think I should do more to get rid of them. No. I should exercise because it's good for me, not to lose fat.
Bloody media, bloody society. I'm fairly well balanced and secure at the minute and even I suffer from this. What hope do less secure, more vunerable people have?
4:42pm, Tuesday, February 20, 2001
And it's true. descending is going away. Or at least, Jenn isn't hosting there any more. Marjorie, bet you're glad you chose to move combine lacquered into whispers rather than the other way round!
But what am I gonna do? I can just go there every morning now and trail round my friends. Everyone, email me and let me know what you're doing. And please keep in touch....
4:24pm, Tuesday, February 20, 2001
I'm going to visit a friend of mine tonight who I've barely seen since Christmas. Yay. We're going to watch a video and have a gossip. I can't wait!
4:14pm, Tuesday, February 20, 2001
I've spent most of today scanning pictures for work. And it's going to sound sad, but I've enjoyed it. It's something different to what I usually do, and I sort of enjoy messing round with pictures like that. Strange but true.
3:31pm, Monday, February 19, 2001
I shouldn't be here, I've got stupid amounts of work to get through, but I just wanted to post about my weekend.
Paul arrived OK. We went to ...Deviation Friday night, which was fun... they played some marvellous music and I danced a lot. Which.... aaaah. I love dancing. Saturday morning (well lunchtime, we'd been out OK?!) we got up and went for a pub lunch with Alan and Vicky. It was even warm enough to sit outside. Heavenly. Paul and I then went into town and got some stuff done (including sorting my glasses out - they aren't bent any more so they don't make me dizzy! YAY!). Then I dragged him onto the computers and he looked round my sites. I found it hard to let him just read things... I was reading through the archives myself and kept finding things that I wanted to stop him from reading (like the end of this and the bit about Christmas in this) but in the end I let him read most things, not everything but only because we needed to get home. Saturday night was wonderful. I'll write a journal entry at some point, but suffice to say that we sat up talking till nearly dawn and it was heaven. Sunday we drank Irish Cream filter coffee and ate cakes that I made, and watched an Eddie Izzard video.
Heaven in a weekend.
Oh, and just while I'm thinking about it, I posted on Saturday while I was on campus, so check out my archives if you missed it!
11:58am, Monday, February 19, 2001
At times, I really hate excite mail.
I just wrote a really long email to Duncan and Vicki, telling them I'll be at their wedding with Paul and what our dietary requirements are (complicated, in a word! ...I'm half vegan and he's allergic to garlic) and trying to arrange visiting them when I'm in Newcastle at the weekend... only to get a 'request failed' message when I tried to send it.
Aaaaarrrrrrgh.
But I'm actually having fun in work today... which is nice. Got loads to do and am working and enjoying it. Always a good thing :)