4:33pm, Friday, March 9, 2001
For fuck's sake.....
4:31pm, Friday, March 9, 2001
Interesting.
4:30pm, Friday, March 9, 2001
Freaky.
4:21pm, Friday, March 9, 2001
I still say this is a con. You've got to show you can lose weight on a low-fat-diet and exercise routine before you can go on this drug, and it improves your success from 6% to 10%? It's a bloody con. Tell you what. You could start by going veggie, then cutting out dairy products. You'll be a million times healthier, less likely to die of heart disease, less likely to get cancer, and what's most important, you'll understand my sense of frustration when I want to eat out. ;p
12:07pm, Friday, March 9, 2001
OK, I've got a new journal entry and links updated both here and at pieces of me. Sorry if I sound really depressed and miserable in the journal - I actually feel three million times better since I wrote the thing (finished all of half an hour ago, if that) and am quite cheery and positive and am going to spend my Friday afternoon working hard! (Not a normal plan of action for anyone round here, but I try never to do the expected!) And next week I'm going to get the past and present bits of the personal section completed, and get my project up and running. Which is nice :)
Have a nice weekend everyone if I don't post anything here later!
9:20am, Friday, March 9, 2001
I love you all.
I've just come in to messages that almost made me cry... people care that much about me being here? Wow. The only person who I've actually seen read my page is Paul... I can't see into anyone else's eyes when I write, when you read what I say, but... wow. I think I'm making no sense but I hope you can understand.
I just need more time. I shouldn't be here right now, I should be opening post, organising meetings... doing what I'm paid to be here for. But I find it so depressing, so draining, that knowing I can do this keeps me going.
I'm not going to do anything rash, don't worry Erin ;) I need to keep writing here, so my sites won't be going anywhere. And I mentioned ages ago that I had another idea... I wrote up a load of stuff for a new page, registered the name and everything, but I need a couple of hours one evening to get it up and running. And I think you'll all smile when you see the irony of the new project, but not yet. Maybe next week I'm have an evening free and get it up and running. And I've also got a couple of journal entries on a disk to bring in... hopefully I'll do that at the same time.
Anyway this is getting long so I'll be off, but thank you so much for leaving messages and emailing me and everything. I have a bad habit of caring too much and trying to take the weight of the entire world on my shoulders and I need to remember that's my choice, I'm not forced to, and I can let it go if I need to... the world won't fall apart without me.
I'll still be here.
Once more, thank you and I love you.
(I'll be less emotional next week I promise!)
3:35pm, Wednesday, March 7, 2001
I can't do this any more. I'm drowning in people and websites I want to keep up with, while my real life family and friends wonder what's going on, why I'm so unhappy in work, why I never seen to have any spare time. So I've just deleted bookmarks of sites that I've never got round to visiting, bookmarks of people I don't care about that much. All they do is make me feel bad, worthless, like a shitty person. There still seem to be a lot of bookmarks in my favourite places folder, but it might be manageable now. Maybe. And if I just go to a few sites a day, keep up with people like that, maybe I can stop feeling like I'm about to drown and that I'm a bad person.
Pretty much everyone who comes here (that I know of) has stayed in the list, obviously. But I'm not going to promise to email you, even to reply to email you send me (although real mail I will, promise), sign guestbooks and all that. I just can't make that kind of commitment to anything right now. I'll keep writing at pieces of me, maybe keep blogging here, because I think I'll burst if I don't. And it's breaking my heart to write this, and I'm scared my small following is going to desert me, and I wouldn't blame you all... but I need to go away. I don't know how long for.
For God's sake though, please email me if anything big happens for you, I promise to write back in that case!
Take care. Love you all.
12:18pm, Wednesday, March 7, 2001
Well I don't know what the fuck you all love about IE. The bastard program has crashed my fucking computer going on for five times in the last 24 hours, and I was only at work for about seven of them. Nearly one crash an hour. DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS?????????
And bloody Word 2001 is no better, in fact if I try to do anything complicated like OPEN or SAVE documents... it crashes. Or type. That one's tricky too.
So I'm using Netscape. Which doesn't crash just after you've typed 'I am going to scream if my computer crashes ONCE MORE today'. I feel like smashing the thing in with a hammer (KIDS: don't try this at home). And fucking Norton doesn't help. The fucking crash guard system crashes the computer at least once a week, more if I'm lucky (ha).
So I needed to vent. Please don't be scared and run off. Tell me how to maximise my browser instead.....
11:32am, Wednesday, March 7, 2001
Another site to donate things to charity, this time money. Go to Give Water and when the site receives 250,000 clicks, Thames Water (British water company) will donate £100,000 to Water Aid. So GET CLICKING!!!!!
And don't forget to go back tomorrow..... ;)
10:02am, Wednesday, March 7, 2001
And I'm sorry, but I just think this is funny.
(I promise I'll stop posting BBC News stories for the day now!)
9:59am, Wednesday, March 7, 2001
I can't help thinking that I'd far rather the children involved in this scandal were doing their research into Eminem in school, with a teacher to guide them, and to discuss the websites' contents in some kind of moral framework (maybe I'm being overoptimistic), than were sneaking onto computers while their parents weren't looking and finding it themselves.....
9:55am, Wednesday, March 7, 2001
This is so sad. So many people dying. And if it is true that the children were working as labourers for a factory, it's even more sad... the poor children, forced to do this to raise money to keep their school open, and the poor teachers that had to sink so low as to make their pupils do this.
9:49am, Wednesday, March 7, 2001
Loria, sweetie, of course I mentioned you! I'm getting so excited now about everything... and don't worry, I'm sure you'll find places to stay! The foot and mouth outbreak is due to peak this week and be dying down again soon, so it'll all be fine.
9:38am, Tuesday, March 6, 2001
OK, I've worked out one of the main reasons I hate this place. It seems so obvious, but it never occurred before. It's because there are two people who take the piss. One male, one female. And they make me feel stupid and insignificant. Worthless. And I think they'd both be devastated if they realised that. One nearly made me cry before a couple of months ago, and when he realised how upset I was I think he was a bit freaked that I'd let him get to me. The other one is quite a bit older than me. She's mostly nice, but there's something about her that makes me feel worthless and I'm know that if she knew she'd be upset, but I can't help thinking that she'd also look down on me for being upset by it. That I'd maybe brought it on myself.
They can't touch me. I have to remember this and hold my head up high. Demand the respect I deserve. Not let them embarass me... if it was anyone else here I'd not mind the piss taking. I have to extend that.
I spoke to Loria last night. It was good. It was strange to hear her voice... strange, but lovely. So much more immediate than emails... obviously. We've sorted out the things that need sorting before her visit. I can't wait.
This maybe should have been a journal entry, but this is so much quicker. I needed to write in a hurry... I have lots of work to do today and I'm going to get it all done. I have to.
Oh and I got an email from Marjorie which cheered me up no end. Thanks sweetie. I thought you didn't love me any more ;p
11:53am, Monday, March 5, 2001
Monday morning already. Where does the time go?
Had a lovely weekend. Paul and my parents got on fine. And I had a good night Friday gossiping with a friend I haven't seen in a while.
I also got a lovely email from Tricia (that's her new journal site, go visit!) about my entry from Friday, encouraging me. Which was nice.
Now I just have one question, and sorry if I sound thick....
HOW THE HELL DO I MAXIMISE MY BROWSER???!?!?