Friday, December 17, 2004
08:46 p.m.
It's an exciting night. As you can see from the jersey, my Alma Mater is playing hockey tonight, and just in case you didn't know, they are the world's greatest team. And I'm excited for more than just hockey.
It turns out that Samsung just introduced it's new 102-inch plasma screen! So, to fit it into the truck, I will need to remove my fishing poles, four cell phones, the clock, the dry erase board, and two racks full of equipment.
When all this is said and done, I will probably sit down, watch Spartacus from about six feet away (my truck is less than 8' wide inside), have a handful of popcorn, and crap my pants.
If you're bad at math, 102 inches, measured diagonally, is about a seven foot wide screen! I'll take two, please!
Oh, in case you wanted your own, I'll give you a ballpark figure on how much it'll cost you. Samsung's 80-inch costs $45,000. So two of the 102-inch should put me up over 100-Gs. Do they take a personal check?
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
11:40 p.m.
I finally got home to watch a real Kansas sunset.
I hope you all have a happy bird day tomorrow!
Saturday, November 20, 2004
12:09 a.m.
This was certainly a night that will go down in the history books. And often, when people say that, it's not because of a good thing. The NBA was scarred tonight by a Mele that started with a foul in the last 45 seconds of the game.
Detroit has long been known as a "scary town" when it comes to riots, meles and fights surrounding their professional teams, usually their winning basketball team, the Pistons.
The problem was a lot worse than the first few people to speak about the fight were explaining the situation. This was more than a few bad fans and a couple of troubled players. It was easy to create some scapegoats, but it didn't end there.
There were fans throwing beer, soda, popcorn, coats, hats, bottles, basically anything they could grab that wasn't nailed down. Several people were hurt after someone threw a chair from over ten feet away (off camera).
People here were an utter disgrace, and not only gave themselves a bad name. The whole human race should be ashamed of the people who acted out tonight. For thousands of years, it's been recorded that people have gathered to take part in friendly competition. There was nothing friendly or peaceful at all about this competition. And sporting has regressed yet again.
Professional sports are in trouble. Maybe it's more than just their nightmare "image." Keep it up, guys. People will eventually stop buying tickets, and jerseys, and shoes.
Friday, November 19, 2004
10:52 p.m.
Sometimes, people can say some pretty profound things. I'm a big fan of the comeback. A witty retort often has a way of lodging itself inside your brain. I've even managed to throw one out there once in a blue moon.
Sam: If you were in the fridge, what kind of food would you be?
Patrick: I'd be a bottle of A-1 steak sauce. Because I'd like to be all over a piece of meat.
Steve: Boy, on our house, they sure did use a lot of caulk. They used caulk on the windows, and caulk on the sidewalk, in the garage, in the basement...
Sam: Well, you know how your first anniversary is always called the paper anniversary? The second anniversary is caulk.
(I'm changing oil and putting new oil into the crankcase at a friend's parent's farm.)
Tony: What are you doing?
Sam: I'm just shaking the rest of the oil out of this bottle.
Tony: You can't get any more out of nothin'.
(A three chip or 3CCD camera is what most broadcast-quality cameras have inside. They have a different chip for each of the three primary colors.)
Old guy shooting home video: You know, you should get your TV station to buy you a lighter camera, like mine.
John: Wow, yeah. Is that a 2-chip camera? Wow. Two chip... that's one more than one, isn't it?
Grumpy old man: You know, these (dang) WalMarts are just horrible. They're really screwing the little man in every small town in America.
Sam: Yeah, and they're always friendly, and helpful, and open 24-hours, and always so much cheaper. Man, I hate that.
(6 a.m., homeless man is digging in his pocket and just can't seem to find a dime he swore he had a second ago.)
Grumpy old man (#2): Here ya go young man, here's a quarter. Is that enough? (He sits down with the guy he came in with.) You just can't take it with you, my friend. Do you know what I'm saying?
Sam: Total enlightenment only costs a quarter?
Female Passenger: How do you do it, be responsible for the lives of all the people on this plane. How do you sleep at night?
Rob: Lady, I don't even think about any of you. But I can promise you, I'm going home to my wife tonight.
(I don't know if the basketball player is right, but I think the quote is right.)
Clyde Drexler (touring the cockpit): Man, this is amazing. How do you know what all the buttons do?
Rob: You figure out how to keep hitting all those three-pointers, and I'll fly the plane.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
06:27 p.m.
While travelling through Minnesota, I got the chance to see my Aunt Jean and Uncle Rob when they came out from Washington state. It's always great conversation and the chance to work on some kind of project at my Grandma's house. Aunt Jean decided to take on cleaning the garage and lean-to, which turned from a little project into a multi-day event. And when she was done, I was wishing a little that my garage was that clean and organized. Of course, I have so many things to do at my house I'm never sure where to start. So I just pick one project, and work on finishing it in the short time I'll have at home. And most of the time I just have to be happy with getting that one project done, and leave it at that.
While at my Grandma's farm, I decided to get my snowmobile out of the barn, tune it up and get it ready for winter. I hurt myself a little getting it out of there, which just goes to show that I'm not indestructable anymore. The last time I hurt myself I had to put on a lot of miles, and that will probably be the same case for these next few weeks. I guess I'll just have to "cowboy up" again.
I've been working on some more non-inspirational sayings. Enjoy:
Wednesday, November 3, 2004
06:42 p.m.
Another FEEL GOOD:
I'm just simply amazed at how some people in this world dig themselves into a hole, and just keep on digging. There's a guy in our biz who has made clients mad for over a decade, and he keeps on doing so, as if it's better for his bottom line.
When it comes to working in the service industry, or any industry for that matter, I've always believed that anything and everything you do tends to reflect on you.
Sure, I've made a complete ass of myself from time-to-time. Everybody does it. But at least I'm an ass with some class.
Wednesday, November 3, 2004
06:39 p.m.
SAM'S HAIKU CORNER
I dream about beans
Dark, golden tasty coffee
God bless Juan Valdez
Wednesday, November 3, 2004
06:37 p.m.
ANOTHER POTENT QUOTABLE:
Wednesday, November 3, 2004
06:23 p.m.
I feel so lucky that here at Relay House, we get to work with some of the best clients in the U.S., and in the world.
There are a lot of days, especially of late, where I really have to "cowboy up" to catch up to these people.
I saw a lot of relief on a lot of peoples' faces when Sen. Kerry decided to concede this afternoon. The last election caused a lot of hurt and pain, mentally and physically. The only alleged gains made were a few more rich lawyers. That's the last thing our civilization needs.
Wednesday, November 3, 2004
05:57 p.m.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. It's not just the work I've been doing lately, or the election, or the latest on the homefront.
I've been thinking a lot about revisiting some of the things I used to enjoy, and have given up because there seems to be too little time.
There's just nothing like a game of bocce, and a Guinness draught. I used to ride my bike all day and get muddy, and come back home sopping wet from splashing through puddles.
Do you still remember how to jump into a mud puddle and space your shoes just right so you soaked your little brother or sister with mud without getting a drop on yourself? Not that I ever did that, mind you.
When's the last time you packed a snowball and whipped it at somebody? It must be about five years since I last had a good snowball fight (and I'm pretty sure that I lost).
Sharpen your skates everybody, 'cause Winter's a comin'.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
12:17 a.m.
I hope I didn't already include this story. I lifted it, verbatim from a letter I wrote a while back, I believe email-marked 08-18-04. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you haven't eaten yet:
For father's day, we usually get together (my brother, older sister, her husband, one of the older nephews and my dad) and go to Valleyfair, a park not unlike Six Flags with rollercoasters and such.
This year, we spent the first part at the family reunion hosted at my grandma's farm. And we met up with my dad close to the 5 p.m. hour (the park is half-off at this point, which is perfect because it's open 'till 10 p.m. and five hours is more than enough time to ride everything), and we headed over to the park.
We went on about four roller coasters, and went on a few other rides that shot us in the air, and bumped us around. Then we stopped for some snacks. I had a small chocolate malt.
Then we checked out the steep roller coaster, that goes about 70 mph. I think it's called excalibur? Anyway, they were having a radio promotion where they were down to four riders. They had been riding this roller coaster for 4-days! And the car was sitting out front... it was a Kia Spectra! What a piece of crap car for four days in a coaster!
So after a couple of times on that one, my nephew finally talked me into going on his favorite ride... the tilt a whirl. Nobody else would go on the ride, so he worked on me until I said O.K. And by the end of the ride, I was wearing a chocolate malt tie.
Yeah, that's right. Uncle Sam threw up on the tilt-a-whirl. They had to shut down the ride (and my brother thought it would have been funny if I tried to get back on the ride). When I got off the ride, my sister saw that I threw up, and that made HER throw up. She said she knew I was in trouble when it spun three times to the right, then three times to the left, and then I started covering my mouth. And then it spun three times to the right, and again three times to the left (with G-forces strong enough to snap my head back each time). We drove back to my sister's house with all of the windows open. A lot of the malt washed out, but there was still a smell that was something like a dozen babies who all just burped up bottles of formula.
And the worst part is that barfing up a malt is a little bit like, well, barfing up carpet. I had trouble talking the rest of the night because my vocal cords and the back of my throat were all mashed out of shape.
At the very least, I've found out the hard way which ride I will NEVER go on again. I'll just have to stick with the coasters and the bumper cars, I guess. Even looking at a Merry-Go-Round that night was making me feel ill.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
12:15 a.m.
Potent Quotables:
Saturday, October 23, 2004
07:36 p.m.
Today is a paperwork day. That's in part because it's raining in the Ohio River Valley, which means I can't go jogging like I did yesterday. Well, I could, but rainy days are the days where I try to go through my receipts.
For a few minutes, I sat staring at one of my receipts. It comes from a Cabella's store, which is a wonderland of outdoor gear and is mostly a store for hunters and anglers. Here's the receipt:
Two things struck me with this receipt. #1 - Why in the world did I buy a harpoon? #2 - If this alleged harpoon only cost me $19.99, then why didn't I buy two? I mean, really. If I buy one for the starboard side of the boat, I'm gonna need one for the port side, too.
I talked to my friend Pete yesterday. He was telling me about how he had to take apart their washer and drier just to get them down into the basement of their new (older model) home. He accomplished this after a very long day of head scratching, killing half a six-pack, and then frantically getting all the puzzle pieces back together just in time before his wife got home.
Shortly after this, before he actually got them hooked up to the wall, his wife found out that her dad was going to give them another, newer washer and drier.
So I suggested a couple of options. Either keep the original two down there as a backup (and let them go with the house when you sell it), or I can bring in a sawzall and we can take them apart in a matter of minutes!
Saturday, October 23, 2004
07:29 p.m.
Sam's Haiku Corner
It's good to see you all. Today I wanted to share with you one of my favorite Haikus. Remember, a Haiku is traditionally defined as a poem with 17 syllables or less that tends to convey a message or idea. In its "Americanized" form, most Haiku have 3 lines, with 5 syllables in the first and third lines, and 7 syllables in the second line. Here, I'll share with you one of my favorites:
Happy golfing everyone!
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
02:02 p.m.
Since I've received so many free t-shirts over the years, I very rarely buy them anymore. And the rare times I do buy them, I've gone back to buying a simple, plain white shirt.
White t-shirts have gone in and out of style for so many years, it's just hard to tell at any point whether you're ahead of the curve, or behind. And since the only white t-shirt wearer that I can think of right now is Hank Hill, I don't know whether it's in or not.
I don't really care whether I'm in style or not. But I do know that wearing a new t-shirt is a lot like wearing a new pair of socks. It just feels good.
Even though I won't buy them, I am a bit intrigued by some of the newest shirts out there. I saw one guy wearing one that just said "AUDIO" and another girl wearing one that said, "I READ YOUR EMAIL."
And as a little piece of trivia about pop culture, see if you can place these two t-shirts. (I will put the answers down below.)
The left t-shirt is from a Saturday Night Live bit, featuring Christopher Walken as a music studio producer helping Blue Oyster Cult with their 70s hit "Don't Fear the Reaper." He keeps stopping the song, and tells Will Ferrel that he "needs more cowbell." If you still don't get it, pick up that Blue Oyster Cult album and listen to it on a good Hi-Fi (that's old-school for Stereo).
The other t-shirt is from the Sundance Film Festival buzz movie, "Napoleon Dynamite." It's "friggin" hilarious. (Pedro offers you his protection.)
