its been so long since i've blogged i dont think anyone reads this anymore.. doesnt matter anyway..

my company just took in recruits three weeks ago.. and its been an interesting experience. as a commander, i've played a whole host of roles.. teacher, role model, motivater, counsellor and, of course, demon. but thats beside the point.. theres this recruit, a chinese guy who converted to Islam.. has a problem every time he goes home cuz his parents still doesnt know and is against the religion. in the first week, he kept bursting into tears each time he confided his problems.. was on the brink of depression.. though now thanks to his platoon mates, i can see his self-esteem and confidence building up.. its heart-warming to see positive changes in a person..

on the personal side, i'm still having no direction in life. maybe its a phase.. but because everyone else makes it look like life is a race, i cant help but feel like im falling behind.. but life cant be just taking the most economical route tru school and university and working for the rest of your life while juggling kids and family. its not. im looking for something thats WORTH it. i think of God. and yet, i find myself that right now God alone is not enough. i've distanced myself away from Him.. cuz i couldnt hold on.. i hate this roller-coaster ride yet i cant seem to control it.. sometimes i have faith and sometimes i dont.. sometimes i can have "taqwa" (a closeness to or an awareness of God in everything we do, well thats what a friend told me it meant) and sometimes i just look away. i just hope this is a phase

i was thinking of writing down all my dreams into a kinda book cuz some of it is really funny while some remind me of my childhood days.. but i never have the discipline..and my memory of dreams never last longer than an hour..

on the band side, i had a thought last week than moren tea estate should kinda specialize in mellow songs.. really good mellow songs.. theres always good reception for that kinda song.. it'd be cool if we could write mellow smashing-pumpkins kinda music.. mellow with that indie sound.. i realize that its easier to get a hook out of simple vocal melodies compared to complex ones.. smashing pumpkins uses pretty simple basic melodies for their lyrics (but they have very nice lyrics) while matchbox twenty has more complex vocal melody hooks.. am i making sense?

i'm pushing myself into a bit of business.. trying to set up a t-shirt label.. should be in full cycle by march/april..

Saturday, January 17, 2004 03:30 p.m.