ok feeling a little better today. though i can still feel something nasty lingering somewhere in there.. been a day of couch and mtv. heh. jealous?

i've been examining the fact why i've been avoiding going out with girls and it just kinda reaffirms my committment. my band's my priority at this point in time.. and it takes a lot of my time and money (heh).. but i wouldnt trade for doing anything else. it wouldnt be fair for any girl in my life to compete with my band for my time and attention. its tough enough for girls who're with NS guys.. imagine trying to be with a NS guy with a band. or two. with a third on the side. there were guys back in school who told me they wudnt want a gf cuz they're studying. i thought they were complete nerds. now i understand they have different priorities. everyone acts logicly in his or her own perspective of the world. thats the real answer.

Maybe i might change my stand.. maybe..

i'm still kinda deciding on what to do after i ORD. either take arts or business in NUS.. provided they take me in with the screwed up results i had. or take private As so that i can do something better.. i have other plans too.. obviously the band will continue (i'm seriously hoping we do some international shows by then), gonna help my uncle's small business.. got so much theories of business in my head.. really wanna bite the real-world bullet to brush away the naivete so that i can learn how to get things down. maybe something like my own mirco business.. (i keep thinking of something to do with t-shirts or coffee).. yea.. my coffee franchise dream. so far i've got nothing tangible except these bunch of dreams and ambitions.. but thats what i had too years ago.. dreams of being in a band, performing in a school gig, getting a new line up, having original songs, getting the first gig, getting Baybeats. all dreams with nothing tangible in the beginning except a mad, stubborn belief that if someone else can, why cant i? heh. if someone can be drive a porche, then bloody hell so can i. wait till i get my driving license first. haha.

i think the recent online survey i took aptly described me. i'm hope. some may see it as naivete but i'm well grounded and wiser than i appear. hope is good. :) believe in hope.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 06:18 p.m.

im back at home cuz ive got a fever. damn. and i've got guard com duty this saturdae. damn.

went to check out buddhiston and gloria record yesterdae.. good stuff. booked in. had a horrible nite in my bunk. imagine 39 degrees + mosquitoes.. i was tossing like crazy. after such an ordeal, i still had the nerves to go for an RSM briefing at 0800 hours in smart four.. this temperature's not going away. i've slept the whole day too.. i hate being sick.

Monday, July 21, 2003 11:52 p.m.

went down for bay beats day two todae.. pretty good. seven collared t-shirt rocked~ got goosebumps man.. damn.. they're amzing.. spent the dae around that area and stuff.. dont think i need to blog details.. met a whole bunch of pple though.. suddenly my mind is blank.

Sunday, July 20, 2003 02:51 a.m.

we've performed in baybeats 2003! woohoo!

when i mentioned baybeats 2003 to the guys back in nov 2002 (when we started MTE), i mentioned it with trepidation.. it was like the goal to achieve.. it meant if we could get it, then we would really have some potential. i guess its a lot of luck thrown in.. together with the dreams and ambitions.. cuz opportunity drops in on those who wait for it right?

seriously as a band, we are yet to really mature and hit our peak.. in terms of performance, stage presence, song-writing.. but in terms of having fun and enjoying every minute.. :) u cant find another band who's more fun loving with more crappy jokes.. hahaha..

really really really appreciate everyone who came and watched us play. especially the "regulars" :) its your support in all our early gigs that keep us going from the very start.. i think those we caught us yesterdae cud tell i was trying to get lost in the feeling of that moment. heh.. tried to capture the feeling, everyone's faces.. it was a good feeling. :)

and finally, and importantly, a B I G thank you to John C, Amran, Gordon and everyone at Awakening/Rockstar Collective for having us. Seriously, it really meant alot to us :) THANKS!

ok now to go for baybeats day 2.. (our spirit goes with KC as he is unable to come down todae to baybeats as he has work.. heh)

Saturday, July 19, 2003 12:40 p.m.

baybeats gig on friday.. i've still to formulate my schedule on that day.. think i'll go home first on fridae morning..

its been a busy week.. and there's still work to be done but at least i've got alot settled. its satisfying to strike off stuff on the "to-do" list that i put up.. yea..

my younger cousin's in the malay papers todae. best malay debator from raffles institution.. and i remember him trying to engage in some kinda conversation with me when we were younger and i was thinking how immature he was. i seriously put myself on a pedestal back then. ego, arrogant son of a bitch. cuz i was smart and as long as i achieved more than everyone else.. i had the right to tell them all off. many years of humbling followed.. i've learnt my lessons but im the first to admit that those old traits are not gone forever. and each time i find myself enroaching on that pedestal.. god sends another lesson or signal..

i guess it has to be a fine balance.. between this instrinsic drive to achieve yet not letting it all go to the head. i believe i can always be humbler. everyone can, but hey, who am i to dictate? :)

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 10:00 p.m.

oh yea.. i nvr really talked abt the pic up there huh? its just some crap i made.. theres supposed to be words on the right bottom corner that goes "if you would just set me on fire, i would burn for you".. hahaha it was 3 in the morning when i wrote it..

Sunday, July 13, 2003 09:40 p.m.

money

yesterdae.. morning.. had the tapestry rehearsal with pale pretense.. well actually its more of an afternoon.. after that went down to somerset to meet up with ros.. got Sum 41 tix.. then we went down to plaza singapura.. met imran... ros met his police office guys.. they proceeded to cheeky monkeys.. i was .. tempted. but imran kept a hold on me.. hehe. tempted cuz they said there will be cjc girls there.. hahaha.. went down to pacific coffee with im.. went home. late.

todae.. baybeats briefing in the evening. rockstarcollective pple are nice. they look a little different up close from watching them on stage. but alls good. they spelled our band name wrong in the flyer but they really apologized so its okay. at least it wasnt MORON TEA ESTATE. we have really little time to practise.. especially with 3 NEW songs... spanking new. but i cant wait to let everyone hear MTE's songs.. nice.. :)

this weekend's been fun. it feels very full. not empty like some of the last few weekends. im pretty ready to get some back-dated work done tmr. bookin in soon. cheerios~

Sunday, July 13, 2003 09:21 p.m.

went to the Battalion ORD dinner at Fort Canning Hill at around 6pm.. was slightly over-dressed.. but its okay.. better than under-dressed. (i was in rolled up long sleeves.. some were in SLIPPERS!#$@).. anyway.. it was fun.. after wards.. me and imran walked around .. the standard.."where shall we go" going through boat quay, muhd sultan then finally went to Jams The Club at Clarke Quay cuz some of the men were there. compared to chinablack.. i say the atmosphere at chinablack is better cuz its bigger with more regulars.. but what the hey.. its been like 5 months since i clubbed.. though i didnt get any highs.. even a few drinks had no effect... was supposed to have supper with some guys and pretty people.. (heh) but i declined.. i have to get home cuz i've got rehearsals later.. i dont wanna be dead and trying to drum. so i got into a cab before i thought twice.

i know a guy whose life revolves around a mosque. he almost grows up there.. nothing but the mosque and prayer.. i dont think i can ever be that guy. thats pretty extreme.. i also dont think i can ever be the kinda guy on the other extreme end. sinning like nobody's business. but the question is.. is it okay to be something in between?

Saturday, July 12, 2003 03:19 a.m.

You represent... hope. You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
surprisingly true for a bunch of funny questions..

Friday, July 11, 2003 04:27 p.m.

Family day toade.. and jamming with Pale Pretense in the evening. back to camp. lotsa work to do this week. cud be the busiest week ever. damn.

Sunday, July 6, 2003 10:15 p.m.

there's no activation!! argghh!! ... damn this sucks..

Saturday, July 5, 2003 06:46 p.m.

smashing pumpkins machina song 3

Saturday, July 5, 2003 12:29 p.m.