last night was the first night i didnt get any "smart nightmares" since the week started. smart nightmares are nightmares that have an uncanny ability to deceive and outsmart you even when you're outsmarting them. im not going crazy. at least i feel better today. no more moodiness. maybe its a phase thing.. or maybe its the weather.

might be going to watch pug jelly at hard rock later at night. must confirm with ros.

Thursday, May 22, 2003 01:31 p.m.

you know why i lost my zest for life? cuz i dont have a cause. a cause is that goal you pursue, that drive that gets you out of bed. for a long while my cause was to work with the band and get MTE to perform outside gigs by may. it was a tangible goal, something that could be worked towards. now it has happened and im lost for another cause. something that goes "MTE to make it big" is too vague to be a cause. it has to be concrete and something I can actually work at. ive got to spend some time thinkin on it..

we're good but not as good as we ought to be. i want MTE to be damn good and the only thing i can do is to improve myself first. thats it.. im going to get my drum lessons todae.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003 03:02 p.m.

been feeling moody. i can think of a couple of reasons why. i can think of a couple of things that would cheer me up. i've lost my zest for life. cant seem to find it back. can someone give it back to me?

Wednesday, May 21, 2003 01:42 a.m.

ive got myself a phone. now im broke. leaving for camp NOW. this sux. i cant wait to perform at more gigs. dont wanna be a soldier i wanna be a rockstar. haha. i just realized i forgot to do a whole bunch of stuff in camp.. i hope nothing goes explosively wrong. i want to clear some leave this week.. i dont think i can go tru this whole week stuck up in camp. damn.

the singing duo is called yellow noodles or doodles or something.. guys, anybody can confirm?

Sunday, May 18, 2003 09:40 p.m.

we've done what we've always wanted to do

the gig went swell. preparations last night for the drums.. the guys coming over in the morning.. practising.. going down to the esplanade library.. setting up.. tuning up.. sound checking.. setting up the stage.. meeting up with everyone who supported us.. then it was our turn to perform.

must say i WAS nervous just before going up but i lost all nervousness once i set down at my drums.. it was like "ok.. lets do this" kinda mentality for me.. i was ready to have fun.. mistakes or no mistakes.. if the crowd liked it or not.. i was going to do what i love to do and have fun.. and yeah it was pretty good. it wasnt perfect.. and i know we are EASILY capable of something better.. but it was still good. we did what we're good at.. we rock out. though it was hard to rock out when ur controlling urself to an acoustic sound.. but abit of that energy peaks thru.. takes time and experience to play acoustic and still show ur full energy level.. like kurt cobain in nirvana unplugged.. thats a classic.. takes time and i know MTE will one day be there...

thanks a million to everyone who came down.. my mom, dad, sisters, god-sister...
PALE PRETENSES! you guys give me so much support even when i dont have time to jam with you guys. lets jam.. we've got a gig this 31st to prepare for..
Tat, Yingying.. always great moral support in whatever i do..
Lokman, chun hon.. honestly.. you guys are ALways there.. seriously feel a little empty if MTE ever goes to a gig without you guys..
Mai and the fab five.. thanks for coming down :) really appreciate it..
Leo.. you're like our "personal sound engineer guy".. always doing stuff for us.. and you're not even paid :)
Mr Hasriq.. the Library guy that offered us the gig.. thanks a million.. you're the first to have faith in us.. we'll never forget
Force Vomit guys! Dino, Wan, KHAI! You guys lent us the drumset for FREE.. and Khai was even so nice to drive me and ros and the drumset to BOONS so that we can get cymbals.. and we dont even really know you guys.. you guys' kindness really inspires.. i seriously dont know how to repay you guys.. im inspired that when MTE makes it big.. i'll go out of my way for upcoming bands just like you guys did for us.. we'll never forget your kindness man..

There must be others whom ive forgotten to thank.. and my sincerest apologies.. because i am truly grateful to each and everyone of you.. you each played a part in letting part of my dream come true.. :)


after the gig (when all the girls .. and guys are gone) sent back the drums to my house with KC.. (thanks man).. then met ros and man at Plaza sing.. saw SHANU there.. he was all "sorry man.. i have no excuses man" i dont want to elaborate.. but he knows.. im too nice.. but im not the sort to stay pissed for more than five minutes.. unless im really pissed. anyway.. we walked around.. then took a cab home.

sleepy.. shall sleep. today was a good day. yeah KC.. lost the unfinished feeling.. built up to a climax but instead it eased down as the day went on.. maybe its healthier that way.. haha.. still i'll be happier if i made SOME NEW FEMALE FRIENDS TODAY... hahaha..ahh forget that stuff.. you know some bands.. they play shitty music but they've got the image, the attitude and the chicks.. for MTE.. our focus is playing music that identifies with the band.. playing Good music.. and rock out.. thats our priority.. and will always be.. cuz we love what we do and its ENOUGH for us.. we dont need all the other stuff like booze, drugs, chicks (though chicks mite help).. we just make music and rock out. we're like dave grohl.. we'll still be alive and making hits while other people took crack with their wife and died. seriously isnt the way to go.

it feels good to make some progress.. i like progress.. we should always keep on progressing BUT never at the expense of FUN. if its not fun now, it wont be fun later.. it wont be fun at age 40.. we would die unhappy and wishing to go back to turn up the volume and just rock out. haha.. and wishing if i just had the courage to go on that stage instead of chickening out (this is just an example).. lets just keep on rocking out.. and lets just follow this helluva ride called life.

Sunday, May 18, 2003 01:43 a.m.

You are the little prince.

Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, May 16, 2003 04:33 p.m.

i had guard duty the night before. didnt get much sleep. slept for about four hours at home. then met up with eugene and hafiz yesterdae. my braders.. caught up with them at the prata house for abit. hafiz was driving HIS car. its so cool. damn i wanna be driving too. he dropped me off at bishan. met up with the band guys. my braders oso. haha. then jamming at boons from 830 to 1130. it was fun. i think thats important.. that no matter what we do in life.. there should be no excuse NOT to have fun. else a lot of things would lose their meaning. tried out a female vocalist... dont think it worked out. see.. the problem is.. we would LIKE a female vocalist but we're not a female vocalist band yet.. the direction of the band right now doesnt include female vox.. not to say im against a female vox.. just to say that until we know what kinda vox we want and include that in our song direction and stuff.. it'll be hard to integrate someone in and we might just keep on trying out people..

MTE's debut gig is tmr. saturdae. 4pm at the esplanade library. we're playing about 7 songs. all acoustic. 3 originals. heh. we're working on more originals.

pale pretenses is performing this 31st.. gotta start practising guys!

Friday, May 16, 2003 11:29 a.m.

Raffles Institution

The School That Suited You Most!
brought to you by Quizilla

KC.. you're right.. this is a crap quiz.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 12:25 p.m.

just watched xmen2. this movie rocks. its better than the first one. its a better script with nice touches of realism and fantasy. reminds me of the times when i used to be crazy about the xmen.. comics, cartoons.. its a whole universe of it. it was pretty obvious that phoenix is going to come out sooner or later.. and the last scene really teased all of us who knew what to expect. and this is one of the few movies where im attracted to ALL of the leading ladies.. damn. xmen3... hurry... hurry....

todae stayed back in camp just to finish some stupid shite~ wont bitch about it. damn. i bitch too much sometimes..

guess some of my depression the other day leaked into my layout. kinda nice dont u think?

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 12:11 a.m.

fucking around and doing drugs thats what.
*which isnt so bad but the HIGH i get from music is a special kinda of high that nothing else can replace*

Sunday, May 11, 2003 11:46 p.m.

i wrote an entire length bitching about life. then my winamp started playing my band's recordings and i got cheered up a little. honestly, what wud i be doing if i wasnt with my band doing the only thing left thats fulfilling in my life?

Sunday, May 11, 2003 11:46 p.m.

depression stems from a feeling of isolation or lack or loss or influential external factors... wtf.....

sod off.

Sunday, May 11, 2003 11:40 p.m.

i will breathe for the both of us

Sunday, May 11, 2003 11:22 p.m.