okay now gotta go plaza sing starhub shop to return the damn cable box. then to boons for jamming. tmr. return drums to wan force vomit at the farrer park studio, meet up with hafiz and head to camp to try and source for __. then meet imran at 6 at dhoby ghaut kopitiam. then watch troy. am i missing anything... damn i know i am. okay nvmind.. ill just jot this entry down to keep track.. okok go. damn i just know im forgetting something.

Friday, May 14, 2004 06:06 p.m.

i remember doing something productive in the day after i woke up but for the life of me, i cant remember what it was.

left for Latitude cafe at 7. met jacq, faiz, zak, ian and kaylene. lin was busy-busy-pissed. they all ate like baked rice, i grabbed a burger and an ice cream cone at macs instead. then later when to mambo pool at lucky plaza where theres reetu, ros and jame. heh. elaine joined us later and we went down to al majlis, the arab st sesha place. for some reason, im ravenous again and i ate quite abit before downing quite abit of smoke (read-sesha). realized that Hudah worked here. nice place but the music's really repetitive and very er arabic? arabic music is good but not when its on repeat. actually nothing is good when on repeat. yup. walked for abit after the rest got on the cab home. i gotta get some form of personal transport.

Friday, May 14, 2004 03:12 a.m.

just got back from supper at newton with jacq and val. refreshing to do something like that. fun talk with "free" food. hehehe. good stuff. just what i needed. ok gotta get some sleep abit now.

the only way you can bend the rules is to realize that there are no rules.

Thursday, May 13, 2004 06:59 a.m.

in the midst of all this transitioning in my life, i have subconsciously receded into myself. im like pulling up anchor on everyone and everything. i am thus left drifting.. the only thing still anchored is my love and thirst for drumming. even that..

reminds me of those movies of those boys who live in bubbles. i wonder why its always been boys in those bubbles. i have no idea why im putting myself in this bubble. is this a self-defense mechanism? or some sort of phase? im trying to stoke the fires of youth and carpe diem living only to find myself indulging in various forms of escapism. funny. maybe im desensetizing myself. i'm going to analyze myself and here goes.

okay enough moping. it kinda feels lighter already. anyway jacq just called to go for supper at newton. now.. at 130am. crazy. maybe just the thing i need.

Thursday, May 13, 2004 01:09 a.m.

a saxophone was playing an old heart-wrenching p ramlee classic. and like the movie, the player was blind too. but unlike the movie star, this musician was old and unkempt. he sat on a portable green chair. he punctuated his playing with checking his little plastic cup for public generosity and wiping his tears with his smeared right sleeve. his fatigue was so obvious i could taste it. i sat behind him while he pressed on, obviously oblivious to me. i waited for that p ramlee song again.. my 1 dollar worth. another old man stood in front of him and waited till the current song stopped. i caught a little of their conversation

"what is your name? where do u live?" he asked in malay. "this is brother hamzah. were u in the old radio station orchaestra?" the saxophone player could only mumble. they shook hands and they cried. a thought fleeted through my mind. if i were playing for a living by the streets, i'd probably wish i was blind too. my eyes have grown too tired from watching the crowd pass by.. if i were to stay there any longer, my eyes would slowly but surely fail. the old man paused for a long while after his friend had gone. maybe he's recollecting some distant memory or maybe he's just gathering his strength and breath. he put the little black saxophone to his lips and blew.. and played that old p ramlee song again. "ku pandang kiri.. ku pandang kanan.. dikau.. tiada.." a song of loss. maybe you might have seen him and heard his music, the old saxophone player at tampines mrt station.

Thursday, May 13, 2004 12:33 a.m.

i googled "pale pretense" and i found this in zaki's blog archive. i laughed hard. haha. nice one zak.

What if these songs turn Malay (based on my lousy C5-rating Malay of course)?

1. Beyonce Knowles - Crazy in Love || Beyonce Knowles - Mabuk gila dalam cinta
2. U2 - Beautiful Day || U2 - Hari Lawah
3. 3 Doors Down - Here Without You || Tiga Pintu Daripada Sini - Di Sini Tanpa Kamu
4. Avril Lavigne - Complicated || Avril Lavigne - Bermasalah
5. Ronan Keating - When You Say Nothing At All || Ronan Keating - Bila Kau Diam
6. Sugar Ray - Fall Apart || Sinaran Gula-Gula - Berterabuh
7. Evanescence - Bring Me To Life || Penyejatan - Bawa Aku Ke Kehidupan
8. Finch - Waiting || Finch - Tengah Tunggu
9. Further Seems Forever - New Year's Project || Lagi Jauh Lagi Selama-lamanya - Projek Tahun Baru
10. Johnny Rzeznik - I'm Still Here || Johnny Rzeznik - Aku Masih Ada Di Sinilah
11. Journey - Remember Me || Perjalanan - Ingat Aku
12. Moren Tea Estate - At the Edge || Estet Moren Teh - Di Pinggiran
13. Mudvayne - Not Falling || Tanah Liat "Vayne" - Tak Jatuh Pun
14. No Use For A Name - International Youth Day || Takde Guna Untuk Bernama - Hari Remaja Internasional
15. Pale Pretense - Numbness || Tipuan Yang Pucat - Semut-semut
16. Papa Roach - Last Resort || Bapak Lipas - Cara Terakhir
17. Payable On Death - Alive || Boleh Bayar Bila Dah Mati - Masih Hidup
18. Jon Bon Jovi - Mister Big Time || Jon Bon Jovi - Encik Masa Besar
19. Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River || Justin Timberlake - Ngangiskan Aku Sebatang Sungai
20. Kenny Loggins - Highway to the Danger Zone || Kenny Loggins - Jalanraya Ke Zon Berbahaya

i just spent 50 mins looking at the screen doing nothing except listening to MTE library@orchard performance and countless other mp3s.

i wish this ndp work would be over by this week.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 02:41 p.m.

just had my haircut by a most interesting old man. first impression obviously was he's a veteran barber.. who's been cutting hair since he was 20. heh. he kept saying "power like power ranger!" though.. hehe.. we talked.. i found out that he has a son who just finished ns too.. was from temasek jc and going to ntu. while he, he was a well-to-do landscape designer with plenty of offers from around the region. but then, he got "malas" or lazy about it all and just stuck to cutting hair.. which could get him 3.5 k a month. broke the stereotype that barbers were usually uneducated and unemployed most of the time. he dropped alot of wise anecdotes. like... when people were born and they decided to stay small and young forever, their fathers would suffer. at first, it was like.. huh? then it sank in. thats pretty much my haircut just now. huh? then it sank in. and he gave me a good hair cut too. one of the few old people i've met who actually listens. he asked how my a level results were and i said.. not so good.. and he said.. cannot give up lah.. must keep trying, right.. im not a magician with words and i dont think i'm conveying the whole thing right but it was an interesting experience which made me kinda open my eyes a little bit more. or maybe its cuz i've never had like a grandfatherly figure in my life before. ok. gotta go. late.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 04:44 p.m.

current music coheed and cambria - a favour house atlantic

lat 3 cafe in orchard point is starting to become the hangout with friends. heh. i've got to get my haircut today. ergh. i look like a werewolf. *roar~ grr scared yet?* watched van helsing yesterday at the old empress theatre at clementi. woah~ vintage old school stuff man.. the tickets were those yellow tear-half tickets with black crayon indicating ur seats.. and the seats were the old red-leather types.. and also halfway tru the movie.. the movie stopped for awhile.. hehe they had to change the disc. hehehe. nice. havent been in that kinda theatre since i watched HE-MAN masters of the Universe as a kid with my family. i still have the pictures from that i think. hehehe. anyway the movie can be summed up in one word. KATE-BECKINSALE-SETS-MY-WORLD-ON-FIRE. yup. one word. heh. ah well. hehe.

today.. im stuck at home doing animation work. gotta hang clothes, transfer money, come up with a skeleton business plan, go out for video-shooting, meet up with parents evening. crammed. heh. yes i do house chores. three cheers for future house-husbands in training!

ok work.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 01:11 p.m.

jammed today with pale pretense. good good stuff. we're getting good at coming up with new material. yup yup. stoned at al-ameen then headed down to buona vista for drum lessons. met up with hafiz and eugene for prata and im at home.

i've been getting quite a number of requests for more thursdays with the band. hehehe... okok.. i'll find the time, people.

Monday, May 10, 2004 12:01 a.m.

its been two weeks. i'm still waiting for my mastercard.

jammed with joel, lokkie and ros just now. not bad.. i broke a drumstick. so there goes my i-only-break-one-stick-a-year thing. but it was fun. yea.

i'm going to the library to do some brand research but ive gotta borrow someone's library card. hmm. so im looking forward to my mastercard and my pink ic. yes. good additions to the wallet. and cash would be nice.

Friday, May 7, 2004 11:39 p.m.

current music my squared circle - last laugh denied

"this Pepsi tastes as stale as your endless laughter"

heh. pepsi is the indie soft drink i think. they should go back to the old design.

the problem with family businesses sometimes is the politics. my mum doesnt want me to work at the uncle's place anymore. long story.. i cant be bothered anymore. i need a job again.

Friday, May 7, 2004 04:44 p.m.

i kinda overslept this morning. took a cab. "hello, uncle can you take me to ROM please? and can we pick a girl at Novena Square first?" the ceremony was nice.. congrats sista!

picked up the cpu from faiz and made my way from dhoby ghaut to outram park.. got some rather dubious looks.. does this look like a bomb to you? dropped the cpu at the workplace and then made my way down to town. lotsa complications with the ndp video.. but somewhow we pulled it off thanks to jacq and zaki. the models were nice people. heh.

stoned. george huff is out.

Thursday, May 6, 2004 10:25 p.m.

got to camp in the morning.. then left for the filming in town. though the models rescheduled for tmr. met up with the professional editors. then went down to lin's cafe where i met up with jacq, zaki, ian, val and faiz. in that order too. went jamming with mte at garage studios. good stuff today. did some jazz + blues drumbeat to a rather nice impromptu song. love the bass line to that. all songs were good. we've improved a notch today. gotta get the organising for gigs up and away.

watchin buffy. and gotta dress up tmr morn. yup yup.

Thursday, May 6, 2004 12:10 a.m.

current music smashing pumpkins - eye

busy busy week. i should be out hunting for a wedding present with friends but i'm shagged out today. okay lets just take look at the coming days.

wednesday morning - vetting of the posters and postcards. afternoon - finish the filming of the models (yup actual models) and send for editing. evening - jamming with moren tea estate. night - have to check with l if we're staying over at the orchard hotel whatever
thursday morning - "the ceremony" afternoon - work. evening + night - some free time at last but probably hang with bros
friday morning - work afternoon - prayers + check on the video. evening - jam with ros, lokkie, joel
saturday morning - work afternoon - isnt it mothers day? or is the the next saturday? argh.. confirm and make plans. evening - dinner party at marina. night - anyone clubbin?
sunday afternoon - jam with pale pretense + drum lessons. evening - theres a gig at planet paradigm and ivan's band is performing.. gotta check..

okay all that rambling wasnt for you guys.. but it sure cleared my head abit. ergh.

Tuesday, May 4, 2004 07:55 p.m.

slept "early" last night so that i can hit camp by 8am. watched the real beckhams last night though... i'm honestly surprised to hear david beckham sound like mickey mouse. if mickey mouse was british, he would be david beckham. he should get me to dub over his voice every time he goes on tv or something.. heh heh..

today was a, in heartlanders terms, "rush-here-rush-there" day. deadlines in two weeks. made quite abit of cold calls to find the right expertise to do this video editing thing. can i talk about what i'm doing for the e-balloting process for this year's National Day Parade? No? okay.

met up with faiz, jacq, hassan, agnes and her bf who forgive me but i have no clue on how to spell ur name, dude. talked, ate, digested body, mind and soul. (that sounds wrong)

kc's leaving this may 18 for china till june 19. and i'm not sure the band's ready for the gigs in june and july. we're already missing the street festival. but its okay.. though i've kinda missed the whole performing at least every month thing.. and i know you guys probably miss it too. that last line is for the rest of the band and all you fans out there.. muahahaha.. you millions of shy closet fans you.

Monday, May 3, 2004 11:50 p.m.

i caught "elephant" with hanz yesterday. its a movie about the columbine high shootings but it wasn't that impressive. thanks to hanz for accompanying me though :)

met up with ros, jame, reetu, arzish at burger king emerald point.. headed to hmv then to cheeky monkeys where romeo joined us. pretty wild night though i kinda lost the mood for abit. but i got it back.. heh. met someone there.. and i also met yoon jin this korean girl in sajc.. yea.. its fun. but kinda sucked to be the only one taking the cab back north.

today was good food day. had black pepper sausages and wedges for breakfast.. chicken chops at banquet raffles hospital for lunch.. ya kun kaya toast for desert.. hor fun for dinner. yup. i was in varying degrees of fullness the whole day. went to visit my neighbour at singapore general hospital. then to my uncle's place to try and repair this computer with faiz then back home.

camp tmr. damn.

Sunday, May 2, 2004 10:44 p.m.

the kittens are sooo cute. arghhh.. you guys gotta see.. if i can borrow someone's digicam i can start to post pictures. *grinz* they're all kinda sleeping or staggering around the basket.. all with their eyes closed. hehe.. probably hold them for a month before we're giving them away.. seriously, if you want a kitten just email me or something.

i just swept and mopped the house. morning work-out. i'm still waiting for my mastercard to arrive in the mail. damn.

Saturday, May 1, 2004 12:48 p.m.

current music mewing - my cats (note: not a song)

breaking news! i have 5 new pussies in my life. yup you guessed right... my cat, ginie, just gave birth to another 5 kittens. 3 orange 2 dark brown. mark ur calendars people, im expecting presents.

i worked from ten today till ten just now. woot. and im not getting paid for today. woot. why? cuz i'm being helpful. woot. okay i did get twenty dollars from my aunt. i am craving for that zara sweater. DAMN!

and big shout out to Ros for getting me a vintage tee and belt from Thailand! yeaa!

i need shoes. yes i have been converted to retail therapy. thanks.

Saturday, May 1, 2004 12:06 a.m.

did quite abit of work in camp today before leaving for orchard at 6pm. had dinner with lynn, erina, joanna and greg at taka just now at the pasta cafe. this waitress was kinda cute.. we exchanged glances and all but.. the opportunity to go further didnt present itself. heh.

talked alot.. headed down to starbucks at the california fitness centre then got home. its so good to catch up with close friends. plans being made..yup.

Friday, April 30, 2004 01:00 a.m.

current music denali - gunner

jamming last night with kc and ros at garage studios. was like a refresher course.. cuz its been too long. talked at burger king before heading home.

i dreamt of almost everybody i knew last night. down to the obscure friend's friend back in secondary school. we were all in this huge building.. in fact it was a couple of buildings stacked on top of each other.. my aunt's house was the one below, followed by some form of hostel thingy (where everybody i knew lived) then upstairs was some form kindergarten on one side and somebody's house on the other. ben and ave ran the kindergarten. after a while, everyone got into this huge car and left for a massive dinner party. at this point in time i woke up to lie down on the couch in the living room. (Around 7 am) someone knocked on the door, it was the old uncle neighbour.. he said his wife fell down and needed help. so the ambulance was called and we evacuated her out to the ambulance that was waiting by the roadside. this wasnt a dream. around 8 am.. i hit the couch and slept.

this time, i dreamt that i was a sessionist drummer for this band that opens for Radiohead. so basicly, i was on the radiohead tour but not on radiohead. i cant remember the band's name. 23, 24 year old brits in a kinda band that was like Radiohead pre OK Computer. the thing is backstage, they were talking about karma and piercing their cheeks to prevent overbalance of karma and all that. and i asked the question.. "if you overbalanced your karma positively, would that be good?" they just stared and laughed. heh.

i have this raging pain in my lower left back.. some of my closer friends would know i have this back injury ever since my sailing days. ergh. could hardly move. i'd like to say that was the reason why i lay down on the couch till 11am. yup

Thursday, April 29, 2004 11:48 a.m.

current music coheed and cambria - sweet

this song is such a great morning song.. get up and go kids! yea.. i had more weird dreams but at the end of it i remembered buying this piece of kitkat and slitting up the foil and munching the kit kat and i woke up with the taste of kit kat in my mouth. tonight i am going to dream up a whole gourmet. yes.

i have this urge to go swimming. anybody up for it? heh. its "summer" guys...

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 11:36 a.m.

current music smashing pumpkins - i of the mourning, cash car star

woke up late.. got to paya lebar to finish the filming. it ended at 3plus at tampines. made my way home and concussed till 7pm.

everyone seemed to be online today. talked to loads of people.. played solitaire.. (we're even!) and talking on the phone before that. busy busy night. i do not plan to be up before 12. yay.

p.s. theres jamming tmr

p.p.s. i've never been more broke in my life

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 2:58 a.m.

just came back from a walk. walked down to the mobil station. (distance: one bus stop away) no nutella. decided to walk to the seven eleven near the roti prata house. (distance: three bus stops away ).. still no nutella. how to eat breakfast likdat. so bought oreos and milk and kaya and potato crisps. was supposed to buy milo but me dad just bought it. yea. late night escapades.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 12:50 a.m.

here's my salute to the front-line police officers. u guys do some really heavy stuff. i admit i'm guilty of calling up police friends for help when i'm in trouble (or might get in trouble) while other times the duty that they perform day in and day out conveniently goes out of my head whenever i compare police and army pay. i think you guys are probably way more prepared to deal with the trauma of emergencies/war compared to us army men.

Monday, April 26, 2004 10:34 p.m.

current music the vines - outthaway

the moon's been lookin like the cheshire cat's grin. very white grin. must be colgate total.

my work today was just filming for this video. very un-soldier-like. but its all good. thanks to faiz and najiah for coming down to be willing models. heh. and good conversations too. meeting the crew again tmr, lt raj, zul and nick. anybody wanna come?

strangely drained when i finally made my way home. slept in the bus.. (i havent done this in a long while) got back.. caught frasier and dont know what else.. i think i'll just blog and then concuss.

Monday, April 26, 2004 10:16 p.m.

maybe i'm a little slow on this but i've just discovered alternative nation on windows media player. nice.

i'm trying to catch up with all the good literature that i missed since i got enlisted.. and me being cheap, i'm trying to get them from the library, which is a mistake. sigh. i'm currently reading on the militant histories of middle-eastern countries. (yes..really.. i have no idea..) after a few pages of reading, i get into this lull where i'm just absorbing the words into my brain. its like the lights are on but theres nobody home. my head's a house and the newspapers are just piling on the doorstep.

Monday, April 26, 2004 12:06 a.m.

drum lessons. i pulled off everything i knew last week.. i pulled off ewhat i was taught this week.. and he gave me "homework" crazy offbeats and weird double-bass drums kicks at 16 beats. just when you thought you were okay.. theres more. heh. at least he said i was catching up fast on the rudiments. i think he wants to go into advanced drumming asap. i need to jam to cement everything i've learnt. argh.

had some coffee with me bros, hafiz and eugene. gotta go back to camp tmr..

Sunday, April 25, 2004 11:37 p.m.

current music surreal - finger pointing

i went down to the meritus mandarin today for the monash university seminar. interesting stuff. had a good talk with the head of the business and commerce faculty, Ms Fiona. okay so now i know what i wanna do. its just a matter of finances now. the plan's to work for the rest of the year to earn enough to take my degree. hopefully i can earn enough to be a full-time student, cuz i know i'll just lull away if i was doing the off-campus distance learning thing. a lot of soul-searching and direction setting these days and i think i finally know what to do for a career. yup.

okay so me, equipped with a plethora of brochures, phamplets, booklets and forms, finished up my questions and made my way down. i stopped by the orchard library to see if the books i wanted were there, they werent so i went down to Borders. (on the way there though, i stopped by Louis Vuitton again.. damn those expensively gorgeous bags, shoes, shirts and sweaters)

then, i made my way to Hume Park 1.. Alex's birthday party. met up with the old class in sajc.. ha, we're such a corny, fun bunch. laughed, caught up, played cards, ate cake, threw the birthday boy into the pool, made future plans.. good times. good clean fun. who says we need drugs and alcohol to have a party? all you need is sex appeal.

hey ho. tmr is ndp work day and drum lessons. oh damn they're at five. gotta check with augustine.

Saturday, April 24, 2004 11:48 p.m.

current music denali - hold your breath
the stills - still in love

i have this huge urge to jam. somewhere mash in what i'm learning in the drum lessons and how i'm drumming now. next week wednesday earliest. ergh.

Friday, April 23, 2004 11:40 p.m.

kinda working at my uncle's place. i say kinda cuz my exact job description isn't exactly defined yet. even the pay's not defined yet. no, i know its a little naive to not clarify such matters from the very beginning but i'm just going all over the company learning everything from everyone and they cant pay me for that yet right. my mum told me something about her first boss, who was an amazing businessman. her first boss lived by a simple rule.. 20% of your time, you spend on the routines and making sure everything runs. 80% you spend on expanding the business. yeah.

i seem to be swinging between two passions. psychology and how people think, and business and how to run one. i'm just happy enough right now learning all this from the ground level.

Friday, April 23, 2004 12:05 p.m.

today i decided i wudnt mind dedicating my life to research of the human psyche. it would be a wonderful achievement in my life if i could implement certain necessary psychological issues about ourselves and how we think into basic education. i think everybody has the right to know how their mind works and what one can do about the negative patterns that one has. still, this sounds a little idealistic and the mind is a fickle thing.

i am so not doing what i have to do. read below entry. dilemma still stands. okay tmr.. go get the job. start in may. settle university stuff and ndp stuff these few weeks. juggle juggle juggle. good.

Thursday, April 22, 2004 01:37 a.m.

i finally cleared all my stuff out of camp on monday. big thanks to Hafiz, who picked me up and whisked my impossible luggage and me home. yay for friends with class 3 licenses. i should try to be one too.

i've mastered what augustine told me to learn this week and i'm trying to master the rest of the stuff in the notes that he gave me. problem is.. i can't seem to be able to drum soft. all the little jazzy soft drum strokes and ghost notes.. there's no control in these hands. i'm looking forward to the day i can drum to a jazz song or something.

i have a little dilemma. (Dont we all..)
1. i wanna start workin to get some money so that i wont be left with no moolah once my SAF pay stops
2. cant work cuz SAF still wants me to help do some NDP stuff
3. i still have yet to settle my university choices

i'm kinda torn to decide on what to do first. they're all priorities and i cant seem to stack them up in order. pile on top of that my mum wanting me to go for religious classes, and me wanting to go for more drum lessons and driving lessons too... i think i need to sit down and DECIDE.

the band, ros is leaving for thailand end of this week. KC will be leaving for China in early May (when ros gets back) and Merf will be going to Bangkok late May. I will stay with the Malay Regiment and protect Singapore from alien invaders. what i've been trying to say is.. GUYS! this means we're not jamming till JUNE! *insert mat accent*lidat how braders...

SMU, Singapore's glamorous seat of business learning, has yet to send me a letter. this does not bode well. kudos to all the kiddos with AAAs and above who oversuscribed Bsc of Business Managment 8 times over. i should have attached a picture of me in my application.. maybe win them over with my charming, boyish looks. say what?!

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 02:28 p.m.

just got back from my first drum lesson. i'm unlearning everything and starting from scratch. i was all thumbs. hopefully i master all the basics these few weeks so that i can really learn something from Augustine. theres nothing to it except practise till the basic's perfect.

gotta go back to camp tmr. hand over my appointment officially and clear my stuff. this is the final release. heh.

i still hear the drumbeats in my head.

Monday, April 19, 2004 12:05 a.m.

woke up early in the morning today to watch my sisters' dance performance. my younger sis, Amirah, had a dance rehearsal today at Marymount Convent while my other sis, Asila, had a malay dance competition at Raffles Institution today. Her school came in second, which was really something. Amirah's SYF performance will be on monday.

got back home and i immersed myself in some online drum lessons before i went down to pale pretense's jamming session. i felt strangely drained and uncomfortable when i first sat behind the kit. i tinkered with the drumset quite abit to try and make it comfortable to drum. i hate drum seats that slide back in the midst of drumming.

came back home and i went straight to bed. read a chapter or two before i fell into this dream about political doctrines(?) woke up at two plus to sound of breaking glass. my cat pushed another glass over the table. swept it, gave it a fish (after hitting it on its head for waking me up.. no i mean hitting the cat not the fish.. no it wasnt a hard hit) and went back to finishing my book. two hours later i'm here blogging and i cant sleep. yay.

i frequently find myself typing with one hand cuz my other cat would always come to sit beside me when im on the laptop. if i stop scratching her chin, she gives me this "all-i-ask-is-a-little-scratching" look. i swear cats are psychological creatures. when they want something, they'll find ways to wake you up. a soft paw on the face. if you're still not up, a soft paw and some claw. heh.

Sunday, April 18, 2004 04:41 a.m.

boredom release. thursdays with the band

Friday, April 16, 2004 03:24 a.m.

a journal shows more of a person than most would admit. its like an outlet to express the things that usually doesnt get expressed. the more sensetive side. the side most people hide. the inner sanctum. along comes someone foolish and caring enough to try and make a difference and the alarm goes off. intruder! make me change? make me grow? how dare you! you dont even know!

well most times, people who try to help do know. and for those people who try to help often enough, this kinda reaction is pretty standard. and of course, the logic of you'd have to be perfect if you want someone else to feel better doesn't hold.

but unfortunately, most people with hurts tend to just treat it like its nothing and deny it. its so easy if its not there.

theres also this one other thing that people who are hurting tend to do. they tend to pull other people into the box. when they hurt, they tend to lash out at others.. (usually the close ones) and pull them into this box where the other party gets hurt too and both sides get angry. when they pull others into the box, everyone's in the same boat and somehow that justifies the hurt. you might know of some insecure friends who sometimes say hurtful things without knowing why.. so when they say stuff like that, just recognize the in the box scenario and just refuse to get in.

dont mind me, i'm just rambling. what do i know?

Wednesday, April 14, 2004 07:13 p.m.

current music smashing pumpkins - mayonaise

i went through quite a number of blogs and theres so much ranting, angst, depression. ergh. people get depressed when they perceive themselves as inadequate. so all the energy gets poured down this drain and they justify it on their blogs.. putting up reasons to make it sound like its okay to act like a wet mop. i think you guys should channel all that energy going to waste and use it build upon yourself. like you feel depressed because you're fat? go put on some shoes and go run till you're out of energy. depressed cuz you suck on the drums? go out and practise! or go get drum lessons or something.. depressed cuz your bf/gf left you? f**k them, build up on your image and self-confidence and go get another one more deserving. dont mope around feeling all angsty. yup. i know its easier said than done. everything is. but once u overcome the initial barrier, you'll wonder why you sat around moping in the first place and not put it all into action. you're only allowed to feel depressed for one night. not every night. now go.

okay that was for me as much as for any other mopers. ok ok ok go. and rock n roll!

Wednesday, April 14, 2004 02:28 p.m.

tonight i immersed myself into my favourite band again. nothing has yet to come close to these teenage symphonies to god. i go through so many others and i always come back home to this sound. i look forward to the day that i might tell my teenage son.. "this is all you'll ever need to hear. all those boiling emotions you're feeling.. its all in here.. the Smashing Pumpkins."

went down to the esplanade library and met lin, faiz and jacq. food, stoning, arcade and home. i found the drum scores to Nirvana at the esplanade library. gotta find SP's and Incubus's.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004 02:05 a.m.

current music led zeppelin - kashmir

woke up an hour ago and im here listening to music and thinking about three Zara shirts ($260) and a pair of LV shoes ($850). damn. no i didnt buy them.

going to spend the day with my little sister today. maybe go to the library or something. yes, im rugged and macho like that. fug.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004 12:47 p.m.

current music deep purple - child in time

sunday and i couldnt go to the gig. reasons cant be said but yea. had to go back to camp later that night so i went out a little early to check out leaven trait again. good solid stuff. scary studio though.. had a real nice time crapping at s-11. lokkie and his pussycats. ben and his ciggie-mistress/tigeress Aver.

after a mindless busy-to-the-brim day in camp today, i popped out to town to meet Danny. had fettucine with slipper lobsters. oohh. and watched Hellboy. wasn't that good but it was okay if you unhooked the thinking plug. yupz.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004 12:27 a.m.

pictures of today.
you've gotta see to believe. is time to sleep yet?

Sunday, April 11, 2004 02:51 a.m.

high spirits all day long. nice nice. 2 auditions at 2. crapped all the way from city hall to eurasian community house back to city hall. fun is the word to describe today. and rock n roll. so the group at funan's tacos at 3pm (which was 2:10 pm to isk) was me, lin, jamie, ros, viv, isk, joel and lokman. converse shoes in a nike box. and rock n roll. went on to boons for a really fun jamming session. i got real high on the drums in those two hours. this girl was listening to us from the door and after the session offered a slot to us in some gig at the end of the year at the padang. her name's Adora. nice name.

plaza sing yamaha music shop later. i like to see drum poseurs on the electronic drums. tmr, i see real drummers. guiness theatre.

met Mateen at taco's just now. he's extending his ORD date. i think he feels really responsible for his company. wonder if he's going to sign on.

Rangoon is actually an officer cadet who hasnt commissioned yet. Once he has commissioned, he'll be known as Serangoon. okay, shut up.

and rock n roll!

Saturday, April 10, 2004 11:00 p.m.

today was fiddle at home till jamming at 6 to 8 boons. best sounding drumset in any studio in singapore and it cost about 5k. damn. anyway, we sounded good. got the recording of us covering reptilia - the strokes. might upload it somewhere..

went to merf's house to watch the later part of the arsenal vs liverpool match and talking crap till its time to get home.

Saturday, April 10, 2004 01:35 a.m.

my friend's mum passed away last week of cancer. it was quite sudden.. we all thought she was recovering. feel a little guilty cuz i encouraged him to go on his japan trip just days before his mum passed away. he reached tokyo airport, got the call that his mum was critical and immediately took a flight back. at least he got to see her for awhile. im really sorry, conan.

Friday, April 9, 2004 04:41 p.m.

current music moren tea estate - overdue

the sky is taking a leak on my window

tmr is a busy day. theres a gig to go to, two auditioning bands and a morning counselling session. my mum says im wasting my time

im postitive im getting a job next week

late night drives down the highway with the windows winded down and music blasting out post a sinful treat of chicken chops made my day yesterday.

oh wait.. todays the 9th. tmr's payday and the gig is actually on sunday. yup yup

Friday, April 9, 2004 04:07 p.m.

Friday, April 9, 2004 03:55 p.m.

current music smashing pumpkins - try try try

came back from camp this morning, met dad for prata then later on met jacq and faiz at far east for some lunch and then coffee at raffles place starbucks. then it was lau pa sat, met Hida, Ashraf and Wati and then to Netzpiel before taking the mrt home. correction, mrt to marina bay then home.

interesting day.. stoning most of the way though.. i dont know if im ever going to have a productive day out of camp from now on.

still havent found a job and looking like an 18 years old (so ive been told) makes me feel like slacking like an 18 year old. again all excuses

contacted this guy about drum lessons.. reasonable price, reasonable location. just a matter of me picking up my arse and doing something productive. i wonder how many people get into this lulling state of non-activity post school/NS or whatever..

dassit man dassit

Wednesday, April 7, 2004 12:21 a.m.

current music incubus - a crow left of the murder

Un-learn me
Ditch what I read
Behind what I heard

Look Find Free
Yet? Do you get it yet?
Do you get it?
From here on it's instinctual
Even straight roads meander
Every piece contains a map of...
Out of line and indivisible
A crow left of the murder
Every piece contains a map of it all

Evidence
march with the ants
Pulse of the sea
Look Find Free
Yet? Do you get it yet?
Do you get it?

Wednesday, April 7, 2004 12:11 a.m.

ive spent the last few days at home catching up with televison shows, reading and cleaning the dirt off the keyboard. welcome back to civilian life. ok the main reason why im not out and about is cuz theres only ten bucks left in the funds. but still.. i think i have to find something abit more productive to do next week. bright side is my keyboard's rather clean now.

going back to camp tonight..

Sunday, April 4, 2004 12:10 p.m.

this is a little late but.. pictures from the kl trip.



pictures series one
picture series two

yea enjoy

Friday, April 2, 2004 07:56 p.m.

current music the strokes - reptilia

now im thinking if i should go to SMU at all. local business degree or save up for overseas psychology degree. i cant decide.

hungry except the rumble in my tummy.

Friday, April 2, 2004 04:36 p.m.

current music marchtwelve - telephone

went to sentosa yesterday on impulse. lin, jacq, faiz and faiz's bro firdaus. funny thing is i got into quite a mellow mood once i got there.

i've always loved just floating in the middle of the sea.. always took time to do that during the years of sailing practise that i went tru since pri school. it makes me feel like im floating in the middle of this huge void with the endless sky above and the endless sea below. its a good form of release. cuz im letting control of my body over to the ebbs and flows of the ocean. maybe this is nirvana.

but life is about control

i hate to sound all theological and airy-fairy but i cant help it at this stage of life. the point where i have to pick a direction and push on with life with purpose and control after years of being told what to do. but it gets boring to read the same thing over and over again isnt it? so i shall stop this talk.

Friday, April 2, 2004 07:37 a.m.

current music god speed you! black emperor - sleep

i have been neglecting this page for quite awhile. changed the layout.. as a fresh start as well as getting rid of that malicious script. so the question is.. whats been up?

well im finally at the end of my ns years. im more civilian than military now. but somehow i feel ive been dumped at the bottom of a really steep hill. i've lost quite abit of my ability to write and speak good english. set my mind on reading more. also i feel so devoid of concepts of anything even remotely mathematical or scientific. how do guys get their noggin back to work after 2 1/2 years of mindless activity? noggin meaning brain.

i've applied for SMU. if i get in, i should start august. mixed feelings though

just finished jamming with mte. i've improved as a drummer i guess. theres this level of confidence when i drum now.. and its a good feeling. reading up on drum theory.. thanks to felix for teaching me to read rhythmn notes.

theres this anxiety that everyone has to pressure them into trying to achieve something before they pass on. try and live life as they say. pushes people to acheive and excel. but somewhere along the line, i kinda got lost. i didnt lose the anxiety.. i just lost the priority. whats worth spending every single minute for? religion? fun? achievements financially or whatever? or do we just go with the flow of things and live out our lives. its easy to believe that an alternate reality might exist somewhere else when you see so many people living out lives that they regret on their deathbed.

i'm not a storyteller or a philosopher. im just a guy with a mind that loves to wander around and poke at every proverbial cranny.

sitting by the window with only boxers and a t-shirt on makes a lot of happy mosquitoes

unleashed unfettered. new lease of life. lets see how it goes.

Thursday, April 1, 2004 01:28 a.m.