Saturday, May 10, 2003/03:07 p.m.

are you sick of this layout? i am. damn.

Saturday, May 10, 2003/12:46 a.m.

Neutral: Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.

What color do you see the world in?
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May I, your majesty? You were the highest class of
your time, and you still expect to get your way
without any fuss.

Who were you in your past life?
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Friday, May 9, 2003/01:53 p.m.

i wrote this into a book while in the jungle the last few days:

my atec truly has its highs and lows. the preparataion for my combat train was already hell. i was up at 7am and did what i call fire-fighting. something would come up that required my attention (and quite a number of things do) and i'd smother it down and solve it. actually things usually dont get solved. just temporarily settled. ::break:: i'm writing this as im going to resupply my men after their 3rd mission. hitting the dirt track now. handwriting is going awry. (im sitting in the front of an army truck - 5 tonner. airconditioned cabin though) ::break:: anyway, murphy's law: anything that can go wrong, will. even the simplest thigns became a challenge the last few daes. for example, my rifle muzzle getting stuck and requiring an hour to take it off. and i didnt have an hour.

we moved off from camp MONDAY around 1900 hours. i managed to settle all the preparation by 1840hrs (i started at 0700am) i skipped the CO parade for ashower. that gave me the energy i needed to go through the following night. so far that night, still tiring.. standard fire-fighthing but nothing went explosively wrong.
::break:: i dont know wtf we are now. we're deep enemy terriotry thats just freshly captured by enemy forces. still i have my rifle right beside me, cocked and ready. ::break::
there was one close shave for me before the first mission. i had just re-sup my men and was on the way back to the BnSA when i decided to stop before a junction and give my ALPHA counterpart a call (im BRAVO). right at that moment, 7 enemy tanks went past.. right in front of my vehicle. due to the foliage or something.. they didnt see me.. ddaammmnn~!! haha..
::break:: we just went past a pocket of enemy. we didnt give a damn about each other.. i think the exercise is cut. we'll go to the objective site to confirm ::break::
that night after the 7 enemy tanks went past me.. my dys4 told me that commandoes might be attacking us that night. so i helped him carry out his security plan. i build a line obstacle to seal off a particularly vulnerable area. i peed there too so anybody walking through there would end up falling into piss.
one of my highs in atec was when we drove past large water bodies at night. it was beautiful in the dark. if u visualize the water as part of the sky then everything else became like clouds. and it seemed everyone was floating and moving on dark clouds. beautiful.

im continuing this entry at our objective site. our ATEC is done. for those of u who are still wondering. ATEC is like an examination for an army camp to test its war ability. thats a simplified explanation. i hear we performed really well. everything's done. all the soft drinks given around. the ORD mood is in the air, celebration that the worst is over and that our performance has surpassed the standard set. coke and Qoo bottles tossed around as reward "special drinks" i still have my secret cache of milo. haha. there's a sense of finality and accomplishment in the air. i share that feeling but not as much as the men cuz they're going to ORD soon while i still have till next year may to go. but my worst is done, it doesnt get worse than this. well its not supposed to. i guess i am proud of myself for meeting each and every obstacle set in my path since february when i came to this unit and excelled. i know i've been a jerk sometimes and pissed enough people in this camp. its something im still working on but overall, i know ive made a good name for myself. the BRAVO CQ. heh. im reliable and friendly but im too condensing to people when im stressed. i put people down. its a horrible habit. nothing but to try to work it out of my system.

highs and lows of atec. one of the lows was when we unloaded everything for hasty defence when the order was given to shift the location of our defence. we loaded everything up again, shifted then unloaded again. that was 5 hours work right there. another low is me losing my handphone. got dropped along the track somewhere. that sucks. sigh. okay.. going to go for the battalion gathering. CO will give us our ATEC result.

CO just gave the results. Commandoes : 77.8 pts 1 SIR : 77.6 pts 1st GDS: 76.5 pts

4 SIR 10th MONO INTAKE : 82.0 pts

YEAH! we're officially the best this year. the score speaks for itself. we're about 4 points better than the commandoes! think about it. 4 SIR, ulu camp in lim chu kang, has the best soldiers in singapore. no question about it. we're the best this year at least. we'er on the way back to camp now. finally leaving the battlefield. its been a constant challenge but its worth it in the end. we won. keep on rollin`

Sunday, May 4, 2003/11:48 a.m.

been waking up and feeling damn jaded. jaded = sick of this shit = SIAN. todae is a SIAN day. i shud be readying myself to go back to camp but i really hate to. staying in camp sucks. i dont know how to handle this shit for the next one year. this sick feeling is poisoning the other aspects of my life too. i SERIOUSLY cant wait for this week to end. this week will suck. no more of this shit. ive had enough. i need a freaking rest. gonna meet up with my bro imran at bishan then head down to camp. aaahhh.. i jus wanna do what i wanna do. hate this sian feeling.

Sunday, May 4, 2003/01:52 a.m.

okay ive got hair shorter than lokman now..

went out with mai on thursdae.. was supposed to catch xmen2 but tix were sold out. had coffee and chatted mostly. after that went home and worked on some web stuff but got lazy to finish it all and upload it so its still in the other computer. was watching star trek voyager at midnight and had plans for other shows when i suddenly remembered i had to book in to camp the next morning. be back in camp by 0730am. damn. so i went to sleep.. and woke up pretty late. had to take a cab down. reached camp 0740am. nobody freaked.. fall in parade by 0800am. settled alot of stuff and had a compulsory hair-cut. i coaxed the "barber-auntie" (yes.. coaxed... shut up) to not shave off everything and leave me some hair.. all the commanders were given slightly better hair-cuts.. especially the bigger ranks.. she must have still thought i was some Lieutanant or something though cuz of what i was wearing cuz she left me quite a lot of hair. but no im still bald and ugly compared to civilian hair-styles. damn compulsory military hair-cuts. only one word to describe my hair now.. TURF.

didnt do anything much on fridae.. cept went down with my parents to suntec city then newton food court.. i realized i havent spent much family time lately. missed my sisters the most. i wonder how they're doing without brother/mother/father at home so often. will spend more time at home. few years time they wont be home so often. sigh.

todae shall be called the jamming dae. woke up still pretty shag. was woken up by sms (like my usual daes at home).. jamming at jurong with pale pretenses at 2 to 4pm. it was good. the chorus for the new song really rocks. no.. the whole new song rocks. good job guys.. abit more practise and i think we can start sourcing for gigs.
after pale pretenses, i went down to city hall.. ros cudnt come out so early cuz of some police stuff (cops... sigh) so jamming was from 6 to 7. it was pretty good. so far all our sessions have been pretty good. like all 7/10 and above. i guess our standard is improving so what used to be a good session is now an average session (hopefully!) so we went down to youth park to catch chun hon.. and also to meet up with SyAhEeD.. he had a performance there but it was at nine. we fooled around at orchard.. being loud and crappy and making people around us either laugh or stare. hey.. we're only young once.. (youth = perfect excuse to make fool of self).. went back to boons for another session.. 9 to 11. we still rocked.. ros joined us half-way i think. yeah. nice. went down to s-11 to eat even though we were shagged out already. waiting for the last buses at the national library bus-stop.. i was the first to go.. (which usually doesnt happen cuz i prefer to stick around till everyone's gone but i have to go home cuz i got to freakin book in tmr.. ) if i had the freedome, time and energy.. id probably hang around till dawn... but nope. im as sleepy as green slippers. get it? sigh. okay.. sign of i need to sleep now. signing off. be out this weekend i hope. major big exercise in camp this week. the biggest there will ever be.. i will be "graded" but FUCK it! i dont care about it.. im not motivated to excel in this one.. ill just do my job. perform just as much as they pay me.. not enough.

the secret is out. i just felt like saying that. sleep.

Thursday, May 1, 2003/12:45 a.m.

dont have the energy to go into detail of whats been happening but heres a rough brief

been in camp on alert since i booked in 12 days ago. very busy period. especially with ATEC next week. im working 20-hour days sometimes.. anyway i managed to take all the stupid bullshit in my stride.. keeping myself on top of things. hope nothing goes wrong next week.

been working on songs with some guys in camp when we dont have thigns to do. i keep some of the more chill-out ones for mte.. this camp band sounds abit like staind.. haha.. ah well..

booked out at 630. got a ride from my OC to bishan interchange.. went home.. went out again to meet the guys for jamming. jamming was good. i was damn high playing the drums cuz the drumset rocks.. the band's tight.. the songs rocks.. ive been craving to jam.. and yeah lets face it.. i rock.. muahahah.. (yeah yeah guys gimme a little credit here.. hahaha.. i know i screwed up evelong..) acoustic set's good.. our covers good.. new songs on the way.. one sounding quite surfy..haha nice. :)

oh yeah watched the exorcist 2 last night.. linda blair is so hot.. hahaha.. "please dont get lost in me, father.." hahahah..

and loks.. u havent heard from us cuz i only JUST got out of camp. would we ever get mad at you? *blink blink*

i realize i have no plans tmr. wonder what i'll do. i feel like going to the CBD in the day and taking pictures. it'll be empty. more empty than weekends i hope.

Sunday, April 20, 2003/07:47 p.m.

Smashing Pumpkins - Stand Inside Your Love

You and me
Meant to be
Immutable
Impossible
It's destiny
Pure lunacy
Incalculable
Insufferable

But for the last time
You're everything that i want and ask for
You're all that i'd dreamed

Who wouldn't be the one you love
Who wouldn't stand inside your love
Protected and the lover of

A pure soul and beautiful you

Don't understand
Don't feel me now
I will breathe
For the both of us
Travel the world
Traverse the skies
Your home is here
Within my heart

And for the first time
I feel as though i am reborn
In my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage

Who wouldn't be the one you love
Who wouldn't stand inside your love

and for the first time
I'm telling you how much i need and bleed for you
You're every move and waking sound
I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind you're mine forever now
Who wouldn't be the one you love, and live for who wouldn't Stand inside your love and die for
Who wouldn't be the one you love

Saturday, April 19, 2003/11:39 p.m.

jamming with pale pretenses this afternoon. all's good. messed around the last hour. went back.. and stayed on the com till now. i just realized i havent done that much todae. sigh..

hope to get MTE into this street festival thingy happening in june. hope to be free during that period too. i think i pretty much got the drumming for everlong - foo fighters. damn cool song to cover live with burn baby burn - ash and hash pipe - weezer. yeah yeah yeah.

im getting hungry. re-recording drums tmr. well at least hope to. plan is to get a cd with studio versions of at the edge and unamed out by this month. and maybe shud get a name for unamed. haha. ok.. im gonna grab something to eat now..

Saturday, April 19, 2003/01:05 a.m.

talking about a nightmare i just had is pretty embarrasing but wth.. i wanna blog it down to remember years down the road..

went to jamie's house in the afternoon. ate tulang. then went jamming... we rocked everlong, hash pipe and burn baby burn. then went down to bugis for dinner before sitting around and chatting at the bugis mrt station. pretty tired out cuz i put in lotsa energy into the songs just now. tmr jamming with the other band and also re-record my drums with leo. not really sure what time though. going to get some sleep. hope i dont get anymore smart nightmares.

Friday, April 18, 2003/10:37 a.m.

i had a nightmare. the kinda nightmare thats efficient, and actually tries to outhink me. the kinda smart nightmare that u just have to keep THINKING to stay one step ahead. its no joke. its not the kinda.. oh the ghost is coming.. run.. its like.. its starts off as a group of us.. involved with some hellish ritual in a house somewhere. we drew a shape in the wall.. something like a doorway. we purposely didnt complete the ritual.. something on the other side completed the ritual for us. this guy came out.. and immediately walked out.. he knew what to do.. we were still stunned. the damn nightmare knows what to do.. we went out then the very dreamscape started to be hostile to us. u know when sometimes u realize ur in a dream and u can control ur dreams sometimes? like want certain things to happen? i realized that i was in a dream.. but i couldnt control it. i could only control what i did. it became like a weird game. i was sucked away.. to a place where i was the only normal one. i knew if i gave up fighting or trying to get out of that place.. i'll become one of them. and for them.. the only way to relieve their minds was either to kill themselves or kill me. and they all had powers too. damn. it sounds childish and all but its scary. imagine.. you're outhinking your nightmare but jumping high and hiding among the beams of a large building... the damn things come follow you anyway.. and if i fly out this window i can fly out to safety.. and just when i fly out.. they shrink the window on me.. trapping me. they're outhinking me, dammit. thats the scary part. and i couldnt wake up. and they're everywhere. i finally got out by teleporting my mind back to landmarks that i made on the way in.. like a cut cable here.. a burnt bridge there.. i sent my mind out while they were closing in on to my body..but somehow thats enough.. they couldnt chase my mind and when my mind crossed the border.. the real me in this world breathed deep then woke up. imagine i had to outhink them so much.. in my mind, send my mind's mind out to safety. this all sounds crazy and childish but it isnt when ur in it. but i won. if u dont understand what i just said.. just know.. i outhinked my smart nightmare and won. haha.

Friday, April 18, 2003/12:56 a.m.

been a very busy week in camp. and will be extremely busy weeks for the next two-three weeks. literally the peak of activity for the unit. damn. keeping sane with smashing pumpkins and working on songs.

went down to the acoustic performance at Library@Esplanade just now with ros and faz. i was blown away. they're r n b and loungy music and they're international standards. imran, moods and faboulous forte.. damn they're good. the drummer of moods is my cousin. they call her SITI while i call her KAK AYU. hehehe. got introduced to wan and dino.. they're the guys lending me the acoustic drumset. im pretty stressed out about the acoustic percussions for our performance next month cuz we wont have much time to practise, its our first outside gig and its also the first few times im drumming acoustic. but hey.. if i can go through this i can go through anything. and there are definitely bigger things to achieve.

after that went to tacos then we walked down to the CBD.. going down really dark alleyways and into far east square where we sat and chatted. ros and faz related havoc secondary school days. haha. then we left for home. too bad we didnt have a camera.

good fridae is good. hope to work on songs tmr and jam with MTE. and also record drums with Clarence on saturdae. will see how things goes.

Thursday, April 17, 2003/02:41 p.m.

i archived cuz i wanted a fresh piece of paper to write on.