i'm sitting in the middle of my library. smu library. i love the architecture here. vintages pieces amidst the modern technology. would love to stay on in this campus. this place rocks

as always, i'm with Dot. big craving for local arts and music. scouring the web. local arts movements. music scene revolutions. we're all bubbling under this lid. how long before our subcultures become mainstream?

Tuesday, October 19, 2004 01:53 p.m.

watching movies on my lap top in my room. out of sight from the world. here i can just fuck the world. i dont have to achieve. i dont have to be brave. i dont have to be normal. i can be crazy, depressed, talk to myself, everything that the world shouldn't see. i step out of this room.. i have to be the strong one. the role model. the confident, articulate one. i'm fine. i'm fine.

starting to get really, really drained. and not from school. i get my strength from my friends. from what i do in school. from my self. from my dreams. from my self-delusion. i come home and get it drained out... until i reach my room.. and shut the door. phew.

an idealistic youth might say " i feel like just running off and start an underground revolution ". this 21 year old has to keep fighting off the idea every other hour. immature, idealistic, green-eared, dreamer kid. scoff! underground revolution my ass. just sit ur ass down on this rut we have programmed for you and serve out the rest of your lives. humility, diligence, hard-working, loyal, subordinate. take your fill. die like the rest.

how about no? how about.. i want to be idealistic. i want to think i can change the world. i want to think i can live out my super ego. i want to play in a band. i want to revolutionise the local music scene. i want to be a student leader. i want to be whatever i want to be. and i think u need to be a little idealistic and naive in order to even aim to be these things. of course, who likes a bragging, arrogant, talk-no-action bastard. god forbid...

i think no matter how big or ambitious a dream can be. if you find the right team with the right values and if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

Monday, October 18, 2004 11:04 p.m.

i got into the SMUSA Executive Committee. 8 seats out of 18 running candidates. Well technically four because four previous ExCo ran again this year. I got in. Thanks for the congratulations. :)

sleep is good now. jamming was good too. drumming improved. broke though. gig this saturday, minsterial forum this friday, work everyday.

Thursday, October 14, 2004 02:01 a.m.

warning: incoming love-struck entry

I'm in love. She's gorgeous. I can't keep my eyes off her. I love to watch her as she sleeps. Trace her outline, carress her face. She's the last thing i think of at night and she's the first thing I reach for in the morning. I spend almost every single minute of the day with her. Her name is Dot. and she's my iBook.

sputtering curses yet? heh. chey, i thought he got a girlfriend.. could be a thought that just flitted in ur head.. followed by.. yea.. whats taking him so long anyway.. which could either lead to oh no.. is he gay? or.. other reasons what have you..

single? yes. available? not sure about that...busy. horny? yes, ma'am. desperate? nope. any girls u interested in? yup. got off ur ass to get to know them? yup. got off ur ass to get their numbers and call them and court them and #^#$@#? nope. why?

principles of economics states that people respond to incentives. whats the incentive to have a girlfriend? does this outweigh the opportunity cost of being single and available? does this outweight the opportunity cost of being with other girls? in smu, there is a huge proportion of girls to guys. it's like monopolistic competition. you can easily buy from one firm as the next. similar stuff but each slightly different. i think at the end of the day, everyone ends up at zero economic profit so its about the same whatever you do. i dont know, im spouting rubbish in the early morning of 3am. sputtering curses yet?

i realize that when i get stressed or affected, i get these mood swings that push me into this tense, irritated, quiet but seething state. sigh. this doesnt happen often but when it does it comes in quietly and hits me like a brick in the face.. suddenly im feeling moody and dammit, it sucks. my mum's like this too. happened when i saw a younger drummer blazing away on the drums just before my performance (i sucked).. happened during project meetings that didnt result in anything except for sapping my energy like a giant electric mosquito. ergh. i need a psychological mechanism to disengage this shit. mentally associate moodiness with quiet, calm, chillout music. (this is NLP mental assocations at work here).. i wonder what benefit u guys just had from reading what i just typed.. nothing i guess. sputtering curses yet?

3 am. spewing nonsense. chillout music from Buddha Bar playing. this feels good.. spending some time just to think about me. havent done that in weeks. good to indulge in a little narcissism once in awhile. me. me. me. if i dont think about me, who else will? hhmm.. how bout a body massage before my party on saturday.. heh. good stuff. whats a good dinner to have before the party... hhmm.. i hope i can get some cash for some slipper lobster pasta.. mmm. and some good sesha (or some "happy stuff" if my good friend leonard can get some.. shud i be talking about this online? just for the cops, im not talking about WEED) after the party would be just perfect. sound good yet? everyone's invited of course.. give me a call. lets have a field day.

a guy has to pamper himself too at times and holy by golly wow am i going to enjoy my 21st. heh.

Sunday, October 3, 2004 02:36 a.m.

busier than the average bear. my leisure time consists of play tony hawk pro skater 4 on my Dot in my room with my econs books cast aside. i should be studying.

happily happily busy. life is pretty good. i dont know where the weekdays go but i know it consists of popping in and out of seminars, saying hello to familiar faces every 5 seconds (i'm a little proud of this fact.. i'm trying to see how many people i can know before i go insane), meeting random people and studying with them (these random people tend to be the prettier girls in class that i've been having my eye on.. haha. ha. ha..) and gazing into the electronic world that my ibook presents to me. my friend, raymond and I were just talking about girls in smu. it's a little difficult to get attached with all the temptations walking around. best to just hop around really.. but thats like sipping here and tasting there.. u'll never really get the full course meal. do i want to have a full course meal? heh. i have some in mind.. but.. right now, the opportunity cost seems too great. muahahaha. ah well.

elections results delayed. i'm feeling okay no matter what the results might be. smusa exco.. see how it goes.

thanks lin for all the econs stuff. though the economic cost was quite big, i hope the benefits far outweigh the cost.

i think this blog has become quite a bunch of rambling entries. real sorry about that. will try and post some pics of the last two weeks up to giv u guys a little privy into some smu happenings. but right now, i just feel like curling up with a cuppa milo and an econs book. mid-terms for econs this tuesday, see. mr firdaus has matured and now studies really hard..... after his game of tony hawk.

Sunday, September 26, 2004 04:47 p.m.

I had a dream last night that I had a baby. Was carrying it around. somehow the place i was walking around looked like clementi interchange. went into a bank.. they duped me and stole my baby. I came back running with a bunch of guys i met at coffee bean to go get back my baby. the baby was locked upstairs. went upstairs and its a swamp with a giant snake. my body got chewed up by the snake.. i looked like takeshi kaneshiro. i floated around. woke up.

no i didnt watch anaconda

busier than i have ever been before. went out with my relatives from palembang yesterday. as the day progressed, my body began to ache and my temperature went up. didnt take notice.. still went for Gerard's farwell bbq at changi sailing club. good fun meeting up with everyone. that girl that still looks like jennifer love hewitt was there. yah. but by then my head was spinning. i'm sick

yup woke up convinced of my symptoms. i always get really weird dreams when im feverish. its as if fevers drain me of all rational thought. all that is logical will be messed around with in my head.

anyway if u dont know yet, i got the ibook. yup. love her. my ibook. her name's Dot. Dot for Dorothy Matrix. did i mention this before? doesnt matter.

i have so much work to do i can puke. but i shant cuz i wanna get well. im running for SA, i guess. SA is the students association. funny story really.. i was still deciding whether to run or not when the president called me up for a private meeting. so i figured, okay..lets meet and talk about it.. then.. somehow.. i found myself taking charge of the coming ministrial forum on october fifteen.. SA work. now.. since im already doing SA work, i might as well be in the damn SA rite. you must be wondering.. got like that one meh? yup .. got.. me.

anyway i shud be asleep but im not going to school tmr. sick. taking some time off my brain. for the first time in 4 weeks, i surfed blogs. talk about no-brain activity. haha.

Monday, September 13, 2004 12:13 a.m.

Wednesday, September 1, 2004 10:15 p.m.

sorry.. back from the dead. thanks for the scream, naj. u wake up the dead.

busier than a very busy ant. ants always seem busy. was supposed to meet lin and jacq this evening but im kinda zonked out to go to town. been too long a day. i saw a friend earlier this evening and i was asking.. eh didnt you wear that yesterdae? then i realized no.. it was just that i last saw her at 830 am in the morning and it felt like a day away. i wonder where the day goes.

KC dropped by for lunch. Ridz and Alfian dropped by later.. couldnt really talk much cuz i had to rush to class. let them use the Group Study Room that i booked.

i've got a debate tmr. gonna wear long sleeves and pants. standard for presentations/debates/etc. havent worked out the speech but ive got my points. think im prepared. just rehearse it through tonite.

lotsa stuff to do. ibook's coming in soon. shud have gotten it two days ago. im dying to drum in school.

major points the last one/two weeks. went for the smu bash.. sucked. went to prata house for supper with like 15 other people. a bunch of the rockstar collective were there.. quite surprised. more surprised when they called out to me.. i only said "hello". is it okay to feel a little starstruck? haha. shy lah.

see... songs from plain sunset, marchtwelve, 59 minutes, the moderates, the boredphucks, force vomit and so many great bands have influenced me a great deal since i found out about the local music scene so many years ago. and because of that, i have always accorded to them a special respect. basicly, i'm a fan of the local music scene.. and fans are allowed to feel a little starstruck.

Wednesday, September 1, 2004 09:10 p.m.

applause for the new PM. good stuff from the national day rally. youth leaders.. just get up and do it. yup, we're coming in with all guns blazing.

Sunday, August 22, 2004 11:19 p.m.

nice "family" dinner just now with the whole whole bunch. leaven trait, moren tea, pale pretense and sharizal. haha. you guys were my weekend destress. :)

shout outs to tin pan alley and fourteen-ten from heart rock singapore at maplewood park just now. and oh the four girls who supported us. yup the ones that said "Bye".. so friendly. haha

i keep getting really packed days.. i need a rest so guys sorry.. cant jam tmr.. cuz my morning and early afternoon's gone to mendaki and i need to go home and settle my school stuff. I'm going to freakin finish everything i need to by tmr! (the individual pieces of work at least.. no the group projects)

i fell asleep on the bus just now and woke up four stops away. started walking back.. then lo and behold the last bus going the other way. i love my bus concession stamp.

Sunday, August 22, 2004 12:38 a.m.

"A report in NTU newsletter reveals that 90% of the students interviewed would not comply with the dress code guideline. While NUS is reviewing its dress code guideline for campus, SMU has no dress code for its students on campus."

Lianhe Zaobao, p 3

heh heh heh.

Thursday, August 19, 2004 06:09 p.m.

shout outs to double yellow line crew! every one of you guys rocked! it was amazing how everyone came together and did their part to run the whole show and everyone was having fun, smiling, joking, laughing. amazing. bouncing bouncers. motivated merchandise lady. dancing door bitches. pretty photographer? (i had to find a word that starts with p lah.. cant think of another rite now.. what.. petite?) haha. its been such a great experience. the bands rocked. every single one. the weak cymbal above the ride and the dying guitar amp kinda marred the show but all the bands rose above that. i felt that the bands definitely let loose that nite more so than normal cuz this was really a friends/family kinda gig. gotta meet Kate of Kale, Gloria, My Squared Circle. fun fun fun. gotta have a proper dinner with everyone again at least once before we start thinkin of the next gig. heh

had my first day in school today. fun stuff too. hit class at 830 and suddenly i was the first to give a speech. at 900 am. ungodly but yea it was fine. i always had the penchant to talk. school's fun. lotsa work though but fun. getting all my textbooks these few days. been going through my dad's old economics book with him. vintage stuff but now i have a rough grasp of the fundamentals for tmr morning's lesson. speaking of morning. i probably have to be sleeping now. nitez peeps.

Monday, August 16, 2004 11:30 p.m.

i just slept three hours to ease out this splitting headache ive been having. i've been zombified the last few days. a walking derelict.. quite literally wrecked. heh. started with the 15 hour shifts at the airport. real fun stuff. even getting to the airport by 645am when you live in Bishan was an adventure. for the first time in my life, i was SO early.. the buses and the mrt hasnt woken up yet. they werent even up yet.. much less on the way. but it was fun stuff in the airport transit hall. we ran game booths and shows based on the olympic games for the passengers there. realized that if i used a singaporean style phrase i wouldnt get as much response as if i spoke a little bit like the passenger. Accents.
e.g. "do you want to try, sir" aint gonna get you shit. i had to go "hey mate, you wanna have a go?" no wait it was more like "'ey mate, you wunna huv'go?"

met all sorts of people from all over the world. loadsa gorgeous people.. loads. chinese/japanese and english mixes best. heh. like waffles and maple syrup.. :P even met the Australian Badminton Team on their way to Athens. they stayed and played the game show. sporting people.

theres a fair amount of stuff to bitch about the job but i aint gonna cuz its over. but gotta say that the airport is a helluva place to work at. people from around the world. and amazing facilties. and the place is so beautiful.. like terminal one easily has the best looking macdonalds in singapore. rocks.

so imagine me.. hardly 8 hours of sleep the last weekend.. not to mention that i was on my feet and being the most convincing Olympics enthusiast.. and i began the week long orientation for freshmen. starting from monday.. yes national day..

Monday 830 am to evening : SIS Day Camp
Tuesday 900 am to 0500 pm : VIVACE SMU CCA Day
Wednesday 0800 am to Friday 0400 pm : SMU Freshie Camp
Saturday : Convocation
Sunday : Double Yellow Line Gig

the monday following that my term starts. my timetable's out. i have a four day week. all 0830 am classes. not a single day i dont have to wake up in the wee hours in the morning cept for friday. yay

i realized even when im a zombie i could scrounge enough energy to be the lively active joker everyone knows i am but then the after effects sucks like a bitch. and i found this out.. the number of hours you sleep is directly proportionate to your IQ.

oh p.s. im getting the apple ibook 12 inch.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 06:41 p.m.

went for my faculty's academic briefing today. left the house at 835. hit the auditorium at 900am. (this included 5 minutes wait for the bus and about 10 minutes walk to the auditorium from the bus stop).. good to live so close to school for a change.

seen my faculty for the first time. the more noisy ones.. i mean the ones with more initiative made themselves known by asking semi-relevant questions. i'm all for initiative and asking questions and participating but i only ask when i have a burning question and at the END of the talk, the professor hasnt talked about it. happens to me all the time tho.. when i finally raise my hand to ask the question.. the professor goes on to read my mind and talk out the answer. they should have telepathy as a foundation core module. i'll ace it. surprisingly large bunch of good looking people in the faculty, *yours truly included of course ha* must be the bunch that kinda just scraped tru together with me. we'll turn SIS around from geek-swamped to go-crazy. hah. cant wait for school really.

oh and ive got to go to the airport by 630am tmr. that is.. i have to reach by 630am. that spells 5 hours of sleep. work till 1030pm. so basicly ill be taking the first bus there and the last bus back. cheers~

Saturday, August 7, 2004 12:13 a.m.

got my tuition cash. and one of the first things i did with it was to buy myself a chocolate bar. kit kat chunky. heh. i munched on it as i made my way home. reminded me of charlie and the chocolate factory. yea. heh.

Friday, August 6, 2004 12:31 a.m.

current music zella mayzell - straight ahead at the end of the court

havent been blogging. i've changed my hairstyle. dont know why i have the need to state this here for the world wide web but yea. tmr's my last free day. i.e. the last day my schedule wont be filled to the brim. the last day i can snooze till noon. im working at the airport this weekend.. hours 7am to 1030pm. next week, orientation starts.. which means i'll be up awake and supposedly in full control of my functions by the ungodly hour of 8am. still, i cant wait for school to start though. yes kids.. dont complain about school cuz you'll be dying to go back in when u find urself not in one.

mte's not very prepared for doubleyellowline cuz the bassist's is in KL and he'll only be back when im embroiled in the crazy adventure known as freshmen orientation. yay. one more time... yay.

went down to boons to meet the guy personally just now. settled that side. basicly, my life these days is basicly drumming, sleeping, reading, DYL, teaching kids to read and finding myself on a freakin long ride on 61 (from boons to holland village). roller-coaster ride starting this weekend onwards. everyone hold tight and say it together with me... yay.

Thursday, August 5, 2004 12:03 a.m.

thanks lin. this is pretty cool.. heh.

Sunday, August 1, 2004 10:09 p.m.