Sunday, December 15, 2002
Listening to: " ">>
Okay, i waited as long as i could last night for him, and now, i get my ass in trouble every day waiting. I told my mom i needed to be on tonight so i could wait for him. But i highly doubt i will even be on then because I was waiting for him last night and today... I'm fucking sick of waiting for him. and honestly it hurts me just waiting for him. i'm not waiting for him anymore, because i am not going to hurt myself waiting and him never coming as usual. i ditched a little get-to-gether last night waiting for him. finding out how much fun i could've had made me wish i went because he never came... i'm giving up wating for him, last time i talked to him was on our anniversarry, now he can wait for me because i'm not going to wait any longer... eventhough i will find myself waiting tonight if i do get on... which i shouldn't but i will
meg uhh... blogged @ 03:42 p.m.
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
Listening to: Kotani Kinya: in the moonlight>>
i am going totally bah-zuhrk without my computer, its been almost 2 weeks since i've been able to talk to shaun. my mom had a wild hair in her ass and decided i could be online for 20 minutes or so, but... hes not online. just my luck, ne? i was kinda pissed, wait i am kinda pissed. (was were, whehhh???) i kinda feel like throwing things, but i do have VERY good self control now-a-days. except sunday when i swear i said fuck over 20 times. o_o... and thats not the reason why i am still grounded. my mom just thinks that if she grounds me for a very VERY long time, i will straighten up. thhhhhhhen she says that she will just disconnect me like she is mother fucking god. >_> i'm sorry but i want to shake her and scream "who the hell died and made you fucking god of MY computer, ho" and then i want to shake her some more and then...... shake my fist in the air like an old man....... then say "them meddlin kids"...... or something, eventhough that makes no sense whatsoever, its still super keen, ne ne? i need to start making a layout for this, i'm supposed to be hosted or something, but i haven't talked to calvin about it in a very long time, >_> erm accounting that i've been off of my compy for about 2 weeks its been that long, and i bet he thinks that i died. oh yeah, and now she says she can't leave until i'm off the computer. i swear one of these days she will realize that grounding me from the computer just gets me into my teenage rage and makes me want to join cults. it doesn't get me to not skip classes. shes sitting in that chair like shes a jail guard, i swear... fuck you mom... thats all i have to say. maybe one of these days she will learn how to actually be a parent... and she will find out that grounding me from the computer is so light compared to grounding me from going out of the house, which i am doing alot more since i'm not on my computer.... okay, i need to get offf now, shes going to start reading and then my uhh... sentence of grounding will be longer and then i will never talk to shaun again, which i bet the only reason why i'm grounded from this is because she doesn't want me to talk to shaun. god, mom, you, are, a, bitch, you, need, to, learn, how, to, be, a, parent.
meg uhh... blogged @ 06:26 p.m.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
Listening to: Maaya Sakamoto: Vector>>
There is 16 minutes of class left. Blah, so i guess i will write a little entry in that amount of time. There isn't alot to say, i am too lazy to talk about the week. :shrugs: i'm still grounded from the computer for reasons that are unknown, my mom told me that she will let me on when she sees my grades and i told her that she wont get grade sheets until the end of the semester, then she said 'well then you are grounded until then' blah blah blah. then it ended up where she started saying i am nothing because i get bad grades, she said i was lazy and fat blah blah blah. i hear it all the time, and i get used to it. I will get on before the semester ends tho, because i have a project for English i have to type up and I'm not going to do it on these gay ass computers. >/... i'll make sure of it... i've been not getting any sleep so i will probably go home and crawl into my bed and sleep. but if i have the oppurtuinity i will get on the computer. ;-; but usually shaun isn't on until like 4:30 and mama or john gets home then. ._. god i hate my life, i swear im running away to pa. >_> then i wont have to be pissed if i dont have a fucking computer.
meg uhh... blogged @ 01:59 p.m.
Thursday, December 5, 2002
Listening to: Our Lady Peace: innocent>>
i hate feeling like this, like i am empty. i just want to scratch myself until i bleed but i can't because that would be too noticable. i'm going crazy... tomarrow is friday, annes' birthday party, i will go and i will have so much fucking fun... shaun i NEED to talk to you otherwise i will go out of my fucking mind...
meg uhh... blogged @ 07:41 p.m.
Tuesday, December 3, 2002
Listening to: Korn: alone i break>>
Latley I've been feeling really down... For no real reason. I was great on Friday and Saturday. Sunday i was ok... and then just yesterday I just started to feel terrible. This morning I saw the video for "alone I break" by korn, I just sat there with my mouth open. Because i was actually listening to the lyrics... I'm making yet, another cd so I can listen to it at school. you know how bitchy i get if i dont have my cd player. heh... i have an hour and 1/2 of MATH tomarrow morning. unnnnnngggghhhh.... i dispise that class, im asking for mr. cooley next semester. beyer irks me... hopefully i will get some sleep tonight, last night i got some sleep but i had a dream of me being chased by someone in a car chasing me with a gun, in my dreams i run so fast, it feels good... and then i had another dream i was bending over to get something and i was in a poolhouse, and then when i stood back up there was some old guy asking if i was alone, i looked around me and i started to think 'scream and run or say no' and then he was walking towards me and he was overpowering me.. i was trying to scream but nothing came out... and i always wake up gasping for breath... at least it doesn't involve joe and keys. but i still have dreams like that. they mean nothing... nothing... i wish they did so i wouldn't be so confused all the time... i'm fine now. I'm going to go and take a shower and go to bed when my cd is done. one question... why don't they make waterproof eyeliner?? theres such thing as waterproof mascara, but i think that waterproof eyeliner would be WAY more practical, because... eyeliner comes off so easily... shaun: i'm still going to make you wear eyeliner and whatnot wheather you are still mad at me or not... because i'm not mad at you. love you, megan
meg uhh... blogged @ 08:34 p.m.
Tuesday, December 3, 2002
Listening to: Avril Lavigne: i'm with you>>
Haven't updated in a little bit, and i'm just using this layout for now because i'm still making a new layout, calvin got meeh hosted =D! I've been getting some e-mails on my sparking_hoshi name and like, they are of people saying im beautiful. they are messages from my public profile, and i have a picture brynn took of me. i was like 'wtf..' im in a bad mood, so i keeping this short... shaun: im really really sorry, and i will talk to you as soon as i can okay? :heart heart: i'm going to go get my coat, take a pee and talk to courtney.
meg uhh... blogged @ 01:51 p.m.
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