- [ I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you ]

Sunday, January 12, 2003
[currently listening to] matsuri 3: chu~chu~patii>>

wow, I'm listening to a really old school cd that I made like, a year ago. It's full of Morning Musume and Da Pump. o_o! wow i was so SUPER COOL... I'm not at home, thats why I listen to this, I'm at my grandmas house, and i needed to listen to a CD. o_o since i dont have any mp3s on there, and this computer is probably like shauns.. o_o but just a TAD bit newer... ::nudge nudge:: right hunneh?! XD!! Anyway, the reason why we are here is because my unkle bob is being transferred, and he doesn't know where hes going (most likley san juan, new orleans, baltimore, or pittsburgh) o__o.. **sweatdrop** ::PITTSBURGH::.. >>! Anyway, this is his going away sort of party thing. hes a nervous wreck over it as well. I dont have school tomarrow because they are getting ready for the new semester. It was funny because i was writing in my planner the time of my audition of the play, (i thought we didn't have school tomarrow because it was martin luther king jr. day) and i saw that it was the 13th, and not the 20th. i freaked out and was like "MOMMA!!" then i called brynn and was like "o_O what day is tomarrow... uhh... do we have school? why?!" and blah blah blah. Its not that much of a big deal. My tit hurts.. >_> *rubs lotion on it* GURUBU GURUBU... ::sound effects:: d00d my grandma is making fish... because my unkle bob is a vegetarian... damn him >/ I NEED SOME MEAAAAT XD C'MERE CHUNKA. ::gives him the c'mere finger:: >=)!!!! alright. i really vow to not have anymore margaritas and mountain dew for the night!!!

Sunday, January 12, 2003
[currently listening to] Goo Goo Dolls: iris>>

O_O LOOKIE WHAT I MADE FOR YOU, LOVE!! :D I'M THE BEST XD..

for yew, me lub!

Friday, January 10, 2003
[currently listening to] Pink Floyd: take it back>>

Going over my day. Was QUITE amuzing. I brought my digicam with me to school for the hell of it. I had an hour and 1/2 (more like 2 hours) to waste, since my Japanese final was the 2nd final of the day, so I sat in the library. Megan and Tiffany were there as well, so we sat at a table together telling funky stories... I ended up having Megan write "spongebob is my love monkey" on my fingernails. It looks very TOIGHT... <-- my word fucah... I took a couple random images. Anyway, I went into the japanese room, begining of the break (which is a 1/2 hour) blarg X_X I sat talking for a 1/2 hour. blah blah blah, afterwards Anne took chibi and I do oddsey anime, then some new age store that gives me bad vibes... >_> god i love my religion, i feel so open i can feel people MENTALLY BWAHAHAHA!! (was just going to say something she was gunna regreeeeeet) oo; anyway i'm off to go download some david bowie!

Wednesday, January 8, 2003
[currently listening to] X Japan: guitar solo: moonlight sonata>>

>.o omg... right...now... i'm... horny >_>!!!!!!!!! Right... well.. >_>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGHH!!!!!! MUST BE SAVED FROM..... THIS..... >__________________@!! *twitch twitch* ;-; shaun!!!!!

Sunday, January 5, 2003
[currently listening to] Pink Floyd: shine on you crazy diamond>>

i hate it when he leaves while we are arguing and... everything is my fault. we would never ever fight if i wasn't such a fuckup... all i do is ruin things. and he even said that i ruined his night. he says that its okay, but its not. because i'm not supposed to do that... i'm supposed to make him be happy all the time. and even when i DO make him happy, i just end up making him mad or sad... thats all i do... i just hurt him, its like i can only hurt the one person that i love the most... goddess..

Sunday, January 5, 2003
[currently listening to] Christina Aguleria: I'm okay>>

I got hosted. And I think... I'm going to be a little... BUSY this week, finals. I need to find my goddamn Japanese packet, and I can't find it... kinda hard to miss, its 12 pages and its pink... I have to go to school to school tomarrow, only one good thing. And I'm sure you know. I'm off to look for my packet..

Saturday, January 4, 2003
[currently listening to] Christina Aguleria: I'm okay>>

I sang to my friend Ashley last night. I cried while i was singing it... Because... i realized the song is exactly how my life was... Ashley cried and said 'omg..'...
lyrics
Once upon a time there was a girl
In her early years she had to learn
How to grow up living in a war that she called home
Never know just where to turn for shelter from the storm
Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Everytime my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I'm OK

I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door
The echo of a broken child screaming "please no more"
Daddy, don't you understand the damage you have done
To you it's just a memory, but for me it still lives on

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday

It's not so easy to forget
All the lines you left along her neck
When I was thrown against cold stairs
And every day I'm afraid to come home
In fear of what I might see there

Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I'm OK
I'm OK

Wednesday, January 1, 2003
[currently listening to] Moulin Rouge: el tango de roxanne>>

My hands are shaking. There have been worse fights, but I just know he hates me! He keeps saying I'm sarcastic and that I treat him like shit! Rose said that if I was with any other guy they would think I treated them like a king. Thats how I think of him. And my friends think I'm psycho because he yells at me all the time. He says i treat him terrible... and I guess I do. Because hes right. I'm a terrible person... I just make him cry... I told him that if I'm not on for the next few days he should know why. And he just said well go ahead... I should've realized this before. That the only reason he stays with me is because he doesn't want me to die or something. He kicks me when I'm down and I deserve it. I tried telling him why I feel bad, but he didn't even listen to me. you're free to leave me but just don't decieve me, and believe me when i say... i love you. I remember when I sent Jerry the song "why" by Avril Lavigne when Shaun and I were fighting. He stopped, listened to it and said "omg..." and he said that its exactly how I feel. lyrics here mp3 here

bye...

Wednesday, January 1, 2003
[currently listening to] Maaya Sakamoto: Vector>>

Last night was Megans' infamous par-taaaaaaaaay~ it was overall pretty good, Matt was a total pussy and brought over this one friend of his thats a freshman that kept trying to hit on me until i punched him because i got so pissed off. JESUS THE FUCKING COW TOOK A CONDOM OUT OF HIS WALLET THAT HAS PROBABLY BEEN THERE SINCE HE WAS 12!! AND IT WILL BE THERE FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE IF I CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. nobody tries to hit on me, even if they don't touch me. goddess i'm glad they left early... but the party was good!

Friday, December 28, 2002
[currently listening to] Mr Nice>>

watch that to make you happy...

You Are a Moderate Madame!

You've heard of occasional vegetarians, who mainly prefer vegetables, but just can't resist their needs for meat once in a while.
That's how kinky sex is for you.
No one would dare classify you as prude.
You've done your share of experimentation, and you've found some things you like.

Are *You* Kinky? Click Here to Find Out!
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Your Secret Fetish Is Exhibitionism!

Sex for you is an adventure ... one which you want the whole world to see.
Closed curtains and dark rooms don't do it for you.
You rather be getting it on in a public bathroom, park, or club.
Just don't let your love juices fly and hit someone in the eye.

What's *Your* Secret Fetish? Click Here to Find Out!
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

You Are A Romantic Kisser!

You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love.
Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars!
One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever.

How Do *You* Kiss?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Friday, December 27, 2002
[currently listening to] Jewel: you were meant for me>>

This afternoon is my Mommas side of the family; christmas. I usually sit downstairs on the computer. I'm going to refuse to eat... I don't know but, I don't really feel like eating that much. I had a grapefruit for breakfast. Our lanlords live in florida over 1/2 of the year and they mailed us a big ass box full of fresh oranges and grapefruit for christmas. They are super nice, compared to our other lanlord... He didn't even want us to have a cat. -_- needless to say... we had around 7 cats at a time when sadie (my old cat) had kittens.. That reminds me, my auntie Victoria, was supposed to have a c-suction the 26th to deliver her baby, because Victoria is so small, she has to get c-suctions. Well last sunday, her water broke. So... she had the baby then. Another girl, named Sadie Noel... or Noelle... or something. Noel/Noelle is for christmas. Well my mom just said "you are so fucking stupid! candles can't be on tissue paper! THATS A FUCKING FIRE HAZARD" I said 'if the candles aren't lit its just fine' then she said "ITS A FIRE HAZARD HOW ABOUT YOU CALL THE POLICE AND TELL THEM THAT THEY WILL AGREE WITH ME YOU FUCKING RETARD" me: '...you have anger issues' Obviously she does... Anyway... tomarrow...is.....Saturday, anything planned: as of now: nothing. Sunday: Groover Christmas... Monday: uhh... probably teaming up with Jesse, Steven and Matt and getting some shit together for the godforsaken new years party. >.o Tuesday: Daddys birthday, Joes birthday and New years party. Let me shoot myself now. I'm stressed, i'm just going to crawl in a box and mail myself to Melissa...

Thursday, December 26, 2002
[currently listening to] Stone Temple Pilots: sour girl>>

Your Sex Position is Missionary

Classic. Satisfying. And a bit bland.
Here's one you've probably seen before.
Could be good. Could be a bore.

What's Your Sex Position?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Wednesday, December 25, 2002
[currently listening to] ...complete silence...>>

Rose made that for me because of the ... nights events ... I can't explain this into great detail... Because I don't want to. I just think that Shauns opinion of me is going down to hell... He thinks I'm turning ordinary...

and my soul is escaping from my eyes...

I can feel myself getting weaker
and soon to be gone...

Wednesday, December 25, 2002
[currently listening to] Chevelle: the red>>

This morning i woke up around 5 or 6, because I couldn't sleep what-so-ever. I stayed in bed until 8 and finally got up because I had to pee so bad I thought I was going to wet myself if I didn't do anything. I noticed my mom was in the living room watching tv. I think she was just waiting for me and my brother to wake up so we could open presents. Graham wasn't awake yet so my mom and I sat and watched the food network. around 9:45 Graham woke up and we all opened presents. I got 99% of my stuff from delias* thank god. I got a pair of jeans (that make my butt look flat oo;;) a mohair sweater thats kinda see through that has a tank top under it, a black velvet blazer that I am going to wear to the Valenties dance, along with a white shirt that I call my slut shirt because my mom says that its really really low, and it is, but I'll have it under the blazer at the dance. My mom said that I can earn the pin stripe pants and the "joe mamma" shirt. >/ of course I will, I need that shirt! and the pants are for the valentines dance, therefore I NEED them. The shampoo I was using last night gave me major dandruff... So thats why I'm so glad Steven got me the Gir beanie. Tomarrow I have a 'date' because its Sarahs birthday and we are going out to eat at Macaronni grill *drool* i will be sure to look fo'shizzle for her. I think my mom found a new love in shopping online for me. OH YEAH, and i got Victorias Secret perfume that i will spray all over my stationary and write letters to meeh friends in. (rose, I forgot your address)... hmm... I need to write one to Melissa along with her 'present' (that I was just going to say!!) hah... Well, when i get a photo of me to put in the calendar, I think I will order 3 calendars and send 2 of them to two people that want them... (which i will end up signing them and sending them to... uhh... nobody

) Jewel: you were meant for me okay... well... that's it for my christmas.. blogging...

Tuesday, December 24, 2002
[currently listening to] Korn: alone i break...>>

Shaun got online, i said "*cling* MERRY CHRISTMAS BABY".. then right away he got on my back about buying the SGhunks calendar, saying that I bought it to look at the other guys... After awhile I realized that he thinks that i like other guys... And I couldn't fucking believe it... He thinks that I like other people... Hes so insecure of me... He thinks I do all this shit... I had such a fucking good day, and i was so happy to see him, I even took christmas pictures of me to send to him, I already started to write the e-mail to him with the image attached. Telling him to have a very merry christmas, to think of me, and that I love him so much, and that I missed him... I didn't even send it... because he started yelling at me... saying I am inconciderate... I told rose that I wanted to die, because I hurt him again. He said "you should know what to NOT to so you don't hurt me" and I obviously can't stop it... I can only hurt people, I shouldn't love people, and be loved... I'm just someone that should just be alone, forever. Because people that deserve to be loved, get hurt, by me... Someone that shouldn't be loved... And I won't be loved anymore... I'll be sure of it... Because I need to be dealt with...

Tuesday, December 24, 2002
[currently listening to] Alicia Keys: how come you don't call me anymore>>

*_____* squee! I love this song. Today has been a pretty decent day, I went to the mall with Steven, he got me a Gir beanie and a postcard that said "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" at Hottopic. sometimes it feels like i'm going to die, if you don't call me papa, oo gotta try, i'm on my knees begging you please, pleeeaaase that part is fun to sing. I might be in the Squaregamer.com Babes Calendar!! XD I already ordered a Hunks Calendar since some of my friends are in it. and Shaun (different one) I think is December, as.... Bubble Bath Farmer Boy.. -_-!! I think they will encourage me to actually be in it, since there isn't alot of girls that will actually want to be in the Calendar! I will buy it, sign it and send it to my fans. XD HAHAH!! Before my good day today, I was in a really shitty depressed 'bah humbug' sort of mood, because I miss Shaun so much, since i've gotten ungrounded, I haven't been able to talk to him like we used to, because he has a limited time that he can talk and whatnot. It makes me realy really sad. ;-;! I swear, hes going to come here this summer and hes going to get sick of me clinging to him. He will ask "why are you constantly clinging to me you psycho!?" and I'll reply ";-; i dun wanna lose you... theres no lost and found for chunkachus T______T!!!"

;) merii kureishimasu!!!

Saturday, December 21, 2002
[currently listening to] Maaya Sakamoto: koucha>>

I finally put up a new layout, about time, right? I tried a few other layouts, but ended up using this one, that I just started this morning. I've been feeling really, I don't really know how to explain it... lovesick? But by saying that it'd mean something along the lines of... not being loved or something. I don't know, it's just that I get all really emotional when I can't talk to Shaun and whatnot. When he leaves I just want to cry, and alot of the time, I DO cry. I'm so used to talking to him every day from the time I get home from the time I sometimes go eat dinner. But, he's been sick, I've been grounded, and then winter break and the whole Christmas rush. I hate it! Anyway, I talked to him about 45 minutes ago so... yeah. Nothing really intresting has been happening in my life. Lizzy told me that I'm hard to read when she tries to read me. But she told me she knows who my first is going to be. :shrug: I'm going to make this short so it ends... now

You Are a Moderate Madame!

You Have an Active Ass!

Your Secret Fetish Is Exhibitionism!

You Are A Romantic Kisser!

You Have a Romantic Nipple!

Your Sex Position is Missionary