..n e v e r l o s e y o u r g r i p..
thursday, august 15th, 2002
l i s t e n: paralyzed: cardigans

a couple days ago i went to chibis house. we watched Excel Saga (which is TWISTED O_O) and raaanma and some wierd ass weiß outtakes... o_o farfs english voice is like, AAAAA..... after that we started watching ranma eventually we went to bed around... 5? then we went to the fair which was sooooo much fun. >D...... we made up a new game which consisted of us standing up on the 2nd floor looking down and searching for girls with low cut shirts... we found a favorite. "lady in red" *-*... fanservice fanserviiiiice.... fanservice shimaaasuuuuu..... haha well eventually we went into the petting zoo and..... O_O TWO LAMAS WERE GETTIN IT ON..... o_____o............. i was like >_> wow..... thats some...... o_O..... wow... hahaha i had alot of fun. we took a picture of us with a snake in which i still have yet to scan. >_> is it me or do i have a majorly fucked up chin... anyway... i went to bed shortly after i got home. me and shaun made up XD *clings* my baby. *MUAH* ^-^... aaannd. lets see.. i woke up around 11:30.. got online to check mah e-mail..... >> msn buddy list was... GONE. and i was like "k....ku... KUSOOO!!" its ok... if people wanted to talk to me they'd im me so imma not gunna just... o_o add them all back for the time being. i talked to chunkachu fer a little bit, he went to work... ah... talked to calvin fer about 5 min, i dled dwi (dance with intensity). (OH YEAH!!!! i played ddr at the fair XD I LUB IT!) thats about it... for the good stuff.. i asked my mom what we were gunna do tomarrow.. since it IS my birthday... ya know.. imma gunna be a year older... and whatnot.. and she said "i have classes, i dont really care if its your birthday tomarrow"... and i shut up after that... im keeping it to a minimal with communication to her at least, because i dont really think she meant to hurt me like that, but it really did hurt. the only reason why we are gunna go to ohanas tomarrow is because i asked john to take us, and honestly john is much more nicer.. he told me that he will buy my homecoming dress this year. since my dress last year was... terrible... and melissas mom bought it for me because i cleaned the house with melissa. shows how much my mom actually cares. because she DOES have the money. she just chooses it to spend it on cigarettes and too much other junk that we dont need. if she quit smoking i bet we would all be MUCH more happy... and our house would smell a bit more nicer... im going to coop myself up in my room when we move... because i have a door now, my room is going to be my escape. only thing is. my mom refuses for me to put MY computer in MY room. she says i will never have my own computer. i will never have my own computer ever, never my own laptop or anything. gah... there goes my wishlist thingie over to the left.. or w/e... im thinking of making a new layout... like hell it will look as nice as this one... i dont have the time. we might be packing up the computer soon enough.. we move in a week and 1/2 i think... ah. well.. my head hurts, imma gunna take some asprin and sit her sipping my dr. pepper.

{6:10} may angels lead you in

..z u t t o..
tuesday, august 13th, 2002
l i s t e n: kim: eminem
i just got up from a somewhat nap. and im thinking of going back up there to take either another nap or start packing up the clothes i dont wear... anyway, yesterday i got registered for school. i got my schedule. which is pretty... oO expected. <1 current issues. <2 Algebra. <3 phys ed. <4 Lang & Lit <5 drawing applications <6 japanese 2. and then the rest is studyhalls. and i need to talk to brynn about being a football manager, i will certainly have the time. i can get most of my hw done in my studyhalls. if that, all of it. aaaaand..... i will keep myself busy. i need to keep myself busy, last year i stayed at home quite often and i got depressed quite often. so im planning on keeping myself busy.. yesterday jerry called me, at i knew it was him and i was like "yo" and he was like "heeey" and his little 'sister' was like "I NEED THE PHONE YOU... YOU.. " and i was like "OMG.. SCARY" yes i am scared of his little sister, you should've heard her. ::shudders:: well... i liked talking to him. its good to get a phonecall once and awhile from people, eventho i usually hate the phone, but if i had enough friends i would be on it all the time. woo woo... and me and shaun have been fighting A-LOT... and i know alot of it is my fault... its just... he needs to know what hurts me... "so long. bitch you did me so wrong, i dont wanna go on, living in this world without you" why am i listening to this song... i listen to it when im in one of those "uncontrollable rage" moods. ya kno? hm... well... im going to make a layout... and its gunna be.. just... fixed bg. (no im not copying you jerry X) and im thinking of using this one bg... not sure yet.. buuuuuuuut... i need to go searchin fer it... shit i need to re dl frontpage i think... aaa.. fun. well i am going to go do so. and whatnot. much love and such

{2:32} may angels lead you in

..m a y a n g e l s l e a d u in..
sunday, august 11th, 2002
l i s t e n: hear you me: jimmy eat world

the stress is sinking in... ive been thinking that pretty soon i am going to lose my mind to where it will be unfixable. i will lose it all. i just downloaded this song today because of my shirt and i really think that this is a good song for my papa... speaking of that.. graham cried today, same with me. he had a fight with my mom... she is trying to make john a part of our family, she cant do that. she CAN'T making us just... replace my dad. "i am not going to be a part of your idea of a fucking perfect family mom" is how the rage started... it is what she is trying to do... i know it.. [readers digest version of what happened] he ran up the stairs started to come down screaming "FUCK YOU... YOU DONT KNOW WHATS ITS LIKE FOR ME AND MEGAN" he started to cry.. "you are so mean..." he paused at the steps, the tears in my eyes swelled up and started to trail down my cheeks "the meanest thing you could do is leave him..." i took a deep breath... "leaving him in that house all alone... without megan... i couldn't fix myself to be with him" he started to cry harder "you just left him again... in a furnual home for 13 fucking months"... "you are so mean" he started to walk up the stairs crying "you are so mean"... and thats about it... and im getting so mad. everyone is still talking to me about "ash is hot" and "where is she" and all i want to do is say "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and strangle the bastards... so bad... if she hasn't told them where she is then they dont have the right to know already. and im already out of my mind right now, all i need to do is think of her even more to make myself even worse... knowing i could've been with her more... because i miss her so much. i want to leave this house and go... steven is gone for the week, he i moving back, im really happy. i will get to hang out with him and talk to him more. no, i dont like him. thats wrong... and quite sickening might i add. i need to vent, and i am going to start making tacos, yes my mom thought of me while i was gone, she missed me like a fucker. my favorite... much love and such... (new ending thing :D woo)

{6:55pm} may angels lead you in...

..w a i t i n g f o r m y s t a r t o c o m e..
saturday, august 10th, 2002
l i s t e n: lunar silver: the boat song
click this NOW my friend scott showed me that, i was like, bawling my eyes out so much. hahah well, the last 2 days have been really good. hahaha i got my layout up on my live journal in which NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT THE URL IS..... SO BWAHAHAH!!!!! :| its my secret thing i can write whatever the fuck i want in it. because in this... there are some people that would take it to heart of w/e and then they would bitch at me about what i say in it. and i dont want people bitching at me about my secrets. die fuckers... WOO..... i had alot of fun... i wanna scream something to melissa because i am so happy. :D MELISSA GUESS WHAT!? AAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEE. *-*... *falls over* anyway shaun is gunna ask me oO and i aint gunna tell him. its gurl stuff. :D...... ^-^ and..... imma gunna go take a nap. me and jesse stayed up too late. x_x fool... much love and such ;D

{5:44} spread your wings and fly

..h e a v e n..
wedsnday, August 7th, 2002
l i s t e n: heaven: dj sammy

the last few times a attempted an entry, it didn't work. >| die... today i woke up around 10.. 11.. something like that... and then i watched usual shows, did my usual thing.. i makde some sketti fer lunch, ate quickly and then me and my mom went out and did a couple errands, we went to wallgreens and i got some of these face washing cloths or something oO they have a bumpy sort of texture. and the whole time i thought about how good life was... me and shaun were all good... and stuff... then i come back and he starts bitching at me about joe. because he was jokin around with shaun last night saying that im cheating on him and whatnot... and it was a JOKE... and everyone there (even joe's girlfriend steph was there) knew he was joking and whatnot.. but then i guess eventually it got to shaun and the day after he told me to block joe and i said no, because hes my friend and he didn't do anything to me. and whatnot... and i want him to get a fucking reality check... he acts like its the end of the world, and all he is doing is adding tension in the relationship.. making it harder for me AND him... and i sit here and cry when i shouldn't be. when i should be happy... we were so happy last night... and right now i am SO tempted into taking that glass right next to me and breaking it... and do the thing that i should've done LONG ago... because i cant take hurting like this anymore... I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANY FUCKING MORE!!!!!

{5:31pm} spread your wings and fly

sunday, august 3rd, 2002
l i s t e n: maaya sakamoto "midori no hane"

i just got home not that long ago. i went to the mall with steven. we spendt a good amout of time in babbages looking at videogames. i wanted to get ddr. x_x and some better dance pads. they had the original ddr and konamix. the dance pads were cheaper than the game. isn't that fun!? well last night was melissas party and i had alot of fun. lol.... everyone was getting scared of me and lizzy i think tho. lol, we took alot of pictures when alot of people left. and one of them looks like katie is grabbing ash's boob.. ahahah... but it was cool. i wore a tie and whatnot.... very visual kei ;D! anyway.. i had alot of fun. :P i am somebodys toy and i have a sex toy. i loved it overall. well i got her two going away presents which consists of a watch and a japanese manga magazine i got at mayhem.. while i was there i got the june issue of animage which is huge. x_X!! omg... someone is talking to me about how ash is hot. GODDAMMIT PEOPLE I WILL STOP HAVING CUTE FRIENDS IF U SAY I HAVE ONE MORE HOT FUCKING FRIEND! GEEEEEEZZZ..... i hate that... YES... i know melissa is pretty dont tell me over and over... i do care if they tell me that over and over because ya know... i would like to be told i am cute and whatnot but it doesn't realy matter anymore because shaun tells me that all the time and i love him for that. i have no self esteem and he is my self esteem :P anyway..... new layout...... THE IMAGE IS IN A BILLION PIECES!!!!!!!!! BWAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! i hate people that take images and dont ask... they should die!!!!! but... yeah... im getting tired and i will probably get something to eat, take a nap and get up and play ragnarok for awhile... life is good... much love and such

{6:09} spread your wings and fly