Mahjong with aprilyn and jacinth at kellyn's house on sunday night. Kellyn wong is still pretty the same, full of shit and irritating to the max. Hahaha. We had truckloads of fun "watering" people to curse them to draw a flower and form chou ping hu, "collaborating" with jacinth to spoil kellyn's wu tai and looking at aprilyn jiggle away to the music. Supper was fun too, hearing aprilyn update about the latest new and gossips. Hahaha. Till i went home so late and went to work feeling like a zombie.

Finally met up proper with the dance babes yesterday. Had loads of food and laughter over tom yam and pork bone steamboat (yes, my 2nd steamboat of the week). Too bad linda couldnt come, and too bad we didnt get to take neoprints to commemorate the day! It's been light years since i last squeezed myself into a neoprint machine. Next friday babes! :)

Work can be slack and fun these days. Slack because i have the whole office to myself at times (of course i will complete my tasks), and fun because i get to go cafes and meet people and learn more things about the world out there. Yet i shudder sometimes. Sitting at the cafe, sipping a cup of coffee, watching people from all walks of life walking by. And i'll start to wonder again - where will i be a few years down the road? Am i ever going to be successful? Is it finance or marketing? Having made a decision and hence, a direction thereafter is easy. It's when you're at the crossroads and pondering whether you should go left or right that's so difficult. There are so many opportunity costs involved, and it's impossible to weigh them and choose one that wins the other. Sigh, it's like deciding which one i wouldnt mind giving up, rather than deciding which one i would like to go for.

The sun, the sea, the sand, the jet-ski, the pool bar, the cocktail, the resort and the island.

Hello world. I've been working at lavender so you can drop by and meet me for lunch anytime. Or dinner after 6. :) I suddenly miss citibanking with zes last holidays, having our own fun and laughter despite doing brainless jobs. Working (which means without your friends) can be so dreadful.

I feel like i need my social life back very badly. Felt as though i was finally back in civilization when i met up with zes and min to discuss about exchange. And that's a big part of hall i already miss!! Having people coming into your room or you going into others' to just have a little chat of nothingness and see a familiar face everywhere you go.

It's all about entering new phases, adapting yourself and settling down, and just when you grow to love everything around you, you realize you have to pack and leave again. I'm always excited about entering new phases in life, like my next sweden stop, but it's just the spaces of anticipation and aimlessness in between that are so dreadful.

Happy birthday pris! It was a surprise at timbre and EIC was playing. Love the lead's voice. Remember hearing his voice somewhere else before. UCC i think?

Love my new dress! And several other purchases while out shopping with zes and meilin on wednesday. I'm going broke fast.

"I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love!"
"I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love."

Hello world. I'm back in hall, for i thought the deadline for the SEP loan application was tomorrow and i had to pay a visit to the Dean's office. And tomorrow is a sacred Labour Day. (nah, because public holidays are sacred.) I then discovered the deadline is actually three weeks before departure. I had the mind to rant and grumble, but decided this perfect morning would be better off switching between packing, surfing, listening to music and reading the papers. Yah, short bursts of concentration.

I just read that the site where Suan Lum Night Bazaar is sitting on right now may well transform into Bangkok's tallest building amidst hotels and shopping facilities. The lease had expired but the vendors refused to move. Why, that's my most favourite spot in Bangkok! With its quaint shops and night liveliness (despite it being a little contrived for tourist consumption, i can't bear the thought of it disappearing to make way for cold urban skyscrapers synonomous with mega-cities.

Okay that isnt exactly good photography skills. I had better learn some tips before i head off to sweden and come back with badly-focused photos and lousy angles.

I'm reading Pride and Prejudice again. With the flowery language, manners, disposition and grace of the genteel rural society, i reckon the movie didn't do justice to it. Except Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfayden of course. I'm absorbing the novel now with the images of the duo in my head. But then again, it's always unfair to read the book before watching the movie. Perception bias at work, basically.

On a totally random note, i suddenly recall yayi that night with his "i don't want mango cake because wo yao jian tou fa" and "wretCHED" story. Hahahaha. This guy really cracks me and yiwen up big time sometimes.

"As for your Elizatbeth's picture, you must not attempt to have it taken, for what painter could do justice to those beautiful eyes?"
"It would not be easy, indeed, to teach their expression, but their colour and shape, and the eyelashes, so remarkably fine, might be copied."

You are a Creator
Your imagination, confidence, willingness to explore, and appreciation of beauty make you a CREATOR.
You are independent, and you enjoy your self-sufficiency.
Defying convention, you are very innovative, and you have a vivid imagination.
The look of things is important to you, and you have a keen eye for aesthetic beauty in multiple arenas.
You have a strong interest in what is new and exciting—and that includes forging ahead with new ideas, not simply discovering what is already out there.
Your eagerness to seek new and varied experiences leads you into many different situations.
You're not set on one way of doing things, and you are creative when it comes to finding novel solutions to complex problems.
You trust yourself to be innovative and resourceful.
Your confidence allows you to take your general awareness and channel it into creativity.

If you want to be different:
Appreciate the earthly, practical elements of things—there is beauty in form as well.
While you are good at thinking abstractly, focusing on details a bit more may help you discover things about the world.

how you relate to others
You are Benevolent
You are a great person to interact with—understanding, giving, and trusting—in a word, BENEVOLENT
You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself
Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment.
You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.
You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.
Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate that quality in others.
Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.
Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people. If you want to be different:
You spend a lot of time taking care of others, but don't forget to take care of yourself!
Sometimes you can get overcommitted, and when you sacrifice spending time with those close to you, it can make them feel unimportant.

So much for tennis plans. Dark clouds just hovered over with menacing thunder. But did i mention i love the way the surroundings are dimmed? The way earth is lit up to be just sufficiently visible and nothing more. That's why i love 7ams and 7pms and dark stormy afternoons (provided i'm in the comfort of my own room of course). But it's just frustrating sometimes when you can do nothing about it but sit and sigh and marvel. Just like how you come across some pretty things, you can only sit and stare.

My ultimate lovely getaway, and the kind of place i always daydream of, is really being in the car and watch the orange orb at the far end of the horizon across the vast plains of nothing, as the car whizzes past the meandering roads. I can't quite put into words the sort of freedom and adrenaline rush it brings. And the road ahead is just shrouded in mystery.

something like this, maybe?

and the amazing sunset from heavens

imagine driving through a rainbow!

But i still can't find the exact picture that tells a thousand words from my heart. :( And did i ever mention one of my dreams is to visit flower fields? They are so so pretty.

whether is it the bright yellow sunflowers that bends towards the sun,

Or the delicate tulips that paint the field in hues of pink and red.

this photo is taken in Sweden, Skane - where Lund is! wheeeeee.

I've been so bogged down by the cons of going for exchange, that i totally forgot to think about the fun it'll bring.

I just realize even if i did manage to study very hard this week, i may not be able to finish everything. Blame it on stupid heavenly mathematics and exam timetable. :(

But come to think of it, blame it on me. Been reading and surfing about fashion and movies. Wish the nice movies didnt have to end so soon. :(

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction and I'm open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping that you'll be there for me in the end

This is what four hours of project at eusoff tv lounge can do to you.

Whoopee. I'm currently switched on to my chilling-out-alone mode again, listening to songs that bring one far away from here, running across the vast plains of greens against the wind and amidst the hues of blue and pink. Okay, far-fetched i know, but we all like to indulge in doses of daydreams and getaways, don't we?

I took time off to change my layout. So much for once favourite purple. A bit too pretty for my liking. Haha. This is much better. The shades, the hair, the fashion. Hints of red, black, white and the greys in between. You know, i used to see the world in black and white, thinking that this is right and that is wrong and everything works in this manner. But somewhat somehow, as life presents me with its many nuances and subtle ironies, i grow to learn that perhaps not everything can be penned down in black and white after all. Or perhaps i was just too protected to tread my foot into the regions of grey i never knew exist.

pris, boon, chel, simin and i at Oosh tonight!

the place was really nice with it's alfresco settings and dim lights. look at the grassy drink chel ordered ahhaha

before performance at comm close dinner! you sang well lindaaa!

allll the peoplee in the crooowd nowadays lose control. hahaha

dance productions! arghhs these are the only photos i have so far :(

I'm seriously amused, amazed and astonished by the kind of tales so fraught with untruth and spice that people can actually fabricate out of nothingness. I just heard one about me that someone is going to fund my exchange program next semester. HAHAHA!! What the hellll!!??? I seriously didn’t know whether laughing or crying would have been a better indication of my bafflement. May I unabashedly declare over here that I’ll be using my dad’s money, the more or less confirmed SEP award, as well as my own earnings to enjoy six months in the land of the happiest people on earth. Gosh, I’m so bewildered. And gosh, I’ll finally be away from the land of wagging tongues and odd perceptions.

Anyway, I laughed my head off.

Oh yah. I am a believer of platonic friendships, and I am very tired of people (I don’t mean my close friends) telling me about motives and intentions. Being able to bond with a male counterpart in the spirit of friendship can turn out to be a juicy, scandalous affair that are best spread like jam and butter. Of course, there are always critics of such friendships but it doesn’t mean you can impose your views on everybody. I don’t deny being a victim of such tendencies to judge things on the surface and spread the butter myself, where I hereby contradict myself, but it’s just funny when I’m here at the true side of the story. And I’m not just talking about my own stories.

And then I start to wonder, of the many things I’ve heard and passed on to people, what is the measure of truth in them? My my my, the things we do.

The myriad of events - dance uncensored, running with yiwen, chatting under the stars, suppering, dinnering at ang mo kio, phuturing, a trip to hwachong and st nicks. Not to forget gathering at the suntec terrace on bernard's birthday with the people i so dearly miss and had much laughter and fun over grilled calamari and bamboo shell clams and chocolate covered strawberries with cute suits.

I've been acting like there's no exams and i seriously don't feel like caring. It is worrying that i am not worrying. :(

I want to sit down and have a good meal. I'm craving for a really good movie - a quiet meaningful one, or an interesting satire, or one with twists and intricacies. I want to forget about the world and be in my own little world again. I feel like i've been around people's worlds in 80 days it's time to come back to my own.

I feel very happy to be back. Well, sort of. Throwing softball today, eating dinner with my good friends. Can't wait to play badminton tennis table tennis and squash! :) I really miss playing sports! It's 10 times more fun than studying. Hmmm, make that 50.

And i so love lee hom's soulful medley in zong yi da ge da. Wheee.

Sometimes...
Sometimes the world gets hard
Oh no no no
I'ma take it from here girl, don't you worry...

I wanna be your lake, or your bay
And any problems that you have I wanna wash 'em away
I wanna be your sky, so blue and high
And everytime you think of me I wanna blow your mind
I wanna be your air, so sweet and fair
So when you feel that you can't breathe, ma I'll be there
I wanna be your answer, all the time
When you see how I put your life before mine
With no question

When all the love feels gone, and you can't carry on
Don't worry girl, I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine, every mornin', every time
Don't worry girl, I'ma take it from here

I wanna hold your hands, review all your plans
I wanna make sure every one of your dreams'll stand
I wanna be your Broadway show, on review
So I can act out how God was when he made you
I wanna be your lighthouse, when you get lost
I'll light a bright and shiny path to help you across
I wanna be your mother... wait, see what I see
When you see that can't nobody hold you like me
Cause I love you

When all the love feels gone, and you can't carry on
Don't worry girl, I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine, every mornin', every time
Don't worry girl, I'ma take it from here

And when there's no one there to hold, and you realize the world is cold
Don't worry girl, I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine, every mornin', every time
(Don't you worry baby girl, baby girl, baby girl)
Don't worry girl, I'ma take it from here

Gimme one reason, why we should not be leavin'
This world is so decievin', the time is now
Let's fly away to Sweden, through the Garden of Eden
Where all the sweeter breathin' and love's around

I realize how powerful a sleep can be. You simply wake up to a beautiful morning, and you start to question yourself why the hell are you fussing??

I'm not going to bother myself anymore coz i really cannot be bothered.

It's time to START studying. This semester is so so bad.

I think it's time for me to retreat, back to that little comfort harbour of mine. I'm increasingly tired from being exposed to the stormy sea and nasty winds. It just doesn’t make sense seeing how people can misconstrue even the simplest things on the surface, quite differing from their real purpose. And I’m sure each and every one of us out there is guilty for being subjected to such inclinations. As they say, there are always two sides to a coin but what you see is what you get. And what you get, you perceive it your way. Reality is really just a personal phenomenon. You will only make yourself look defensive, when all you’re trying to do is explain the way things truly are.

I find it very scary, the things people know and the things they think about you.

On a lighter note, dance uncensored has finally ended. It’s been exhausting lately, suffering from late night sleeps, a gradual sense of loss, withdrawal symptoms, strengthening of a friendship over 4 hours, typing 2000 words in 3 hours, many new discoveries and perceptions and opinions. I think I need to start sleeping early very soon!

It's time to take a little hiatus.

Friday night was all about sheares supper, noisy games, crazy forfeits, birthday celebration, taboo, laughter, bimbo jokes (not fish but pig, everybody likes to eat worms, and lao fu zi has a strategy), munchkins and breakfast - all in the name of fun.

Had one of the many thousand long chats with meilin at fong seng. So many things to say, and feel, which i shan't say over here. And so much better than cooping up in my room trying to look for non-existent OM topics.

Was writing sanduo's birthday note and i rummaged through my sparkl3 archives, which dated back as old as 7 august 2003 - where i found myself sitting at my beloved 03S69 class bench playing crazy ten with meilin and sanduo. And it all started, my trip down the old and lovely memory lane. (MEILIN my itunes played 3 doors down - here without you!) And this otherwise empty night was strangely aching with nostalgia, with moments relived and smiles aplenty. The comforts of familiarity, complete with once-on-repeated-mode melodies that tug at my heart strings, reminiscing the past has never been more bittersweet. In the sense that as we busy ourselves with heaps of commitments and work, people hardly have the time to sit down in the quiet night, get their senses heightened, and think about things that are safely tucked away at the corner. And I hurriedly swallowed the lump in my throat, being the old sentimental me I thought I lost, and looked back into the past with renewed strength and strange revelation. Because I used to miss the past too much it became an anchor holding me back, but now I’m just smiling and grateful for things that happened and people that entered my life. And revelation in that I have been so caught up in my present circumstances I neglected my extra capacity to care, and acknowledge. As time blurs the jagged edges of vivid moments and casts a fog of vagueness over them, I just hope my memory doesn’t fail me, and my heart still knows how to feel.

There are some things i need to keep on trying, while there are some i know will be there no matter what.

It tires me, and it spoils me.

I don’t know if I fit in anymore. It's just so disappointing to see how shallow things that matter to you can be, yet so comforting to feel the genuineness from those you thought were far away. Telling you they miss those days with you, or remember how they first met you, when you thought things just happened out of circumstances and chances. Absolutely puzzling, seeing the way people do the things they do, and you start to wonder what’s lurking beneath those seemingly crystal clear eyes. Never mind la. The more I try, the more I cannot fathom this world around me.

In short, I can't put to words what’s happening to me these days!! Help!

On a lighter note, i can finally bid farewell to the beloved function room and drown myself in the sea of projects and notes. HUGE thanks to all those who came to support for TH dance productions! Damn sweet of you guys. And the roses. The show was quite a blast. I want photos please!!

Had supper with wanyuan, alvin and huishan. The representatives from each batch for softball team 0506. Haha. There was talk about things i never quite give thought or speak about, like marriage, work, graduation and the future. It kind of brings gravity to my otherwise floating, flimsy life right now. And it scares me a little. Well, the future always does. Why, i may just end up being a Mrs. Something five years down the road. Or a workaholic hard at work (and I don’t know what). Seeing the people around you getting married or a job just makes you wonder how things will go, and for better or worse.

Haven’t exactly clubbed for a long time already. DXO, Momo and then zouk last night. It’s quite fun going with people you never clubbed with before. Hope you weren’t too bored without alcohol meilin! And jess, hurray to good ol’ phuture!

more to come!