Thursday, September 22, 2005 / 11:31 p.m.
to be forgiven and forgotten
Disappointment sets in when you have high expectations of some people and they fall short of them.
So is it their fault or mine that i set the criteria so high?
I guess the latter is easier to bear.
Being very sick during the mid-term break doesnt spell good at all. I'm supposed to embark on a really intensive mission with zes to catch up with our severely lagging work. But all i could do the whole day was sleep, eat medicine and reluctantly gulp down mouthfuls of dinner. Argghs. I cant wait to get well soon and have a big feast.
Saturday, September 17, 2005 / 03:39 a.m.
I made my way back into the past for a little while, and then treaded on the path back to the present. Wondered, and pondered. And realized nothing much has changed after all. I merely buried my emotions deep inside my heart, sealed it up, and hoped nobody would discover it along the way. Little did I know they emerged from the grave as the night beckoned.
Thursday, September 15, 2005 / 07:15 a.m.
death
Death is an issue so hard to grasp. I find myself realising from time to time that he had passed away and i still couldnt quite accept the idea.
Thursday, September 15, 2005 / 06:09 a.m.
sweet and simple
Had an impromptu "back to the phuture" (quotation from chel) mission with chel at an unearthly time of 1 a.m just now. Glad i met up with her! With pris joining us later on. If only boon's here! I miss the girls. We saw sandy and were screaming away! It's been really long since i met that silly nut. It's 6 am now and i just bathed and can't get to sleep. How righttt.
Out of all my modules, i think i like german the most. Really have a liking for languages. Imagine i am able to study my dream language - french, i'll be ecstatic! But german aint too bad too. Deutsch macht viel Spaß! If only the lecturer coud stop blabbering everything in Deutsch and leave us puzzled.
I remember that scene from Sex and the City. Imagine there are three things important in our life and we have two of them. Why do we let the one thing that's missing in our lives to affect the way we feel about what we already have? Then we'll never be fully satiated in this increasingly empty world.
At times i find youth slowly slipping through my fingers. We’re at the mercy of the hands of time. After all we live only once, so we should cherish our early life and have as much fun out of it as possible. But I’m starting to feel that I’m too old to think that way. It’ll be too naïve and idealistic. Coz life, indeed, is not all about fun. We're often bounded by many responsibilities and burdens and obligations that we cannot avoid. And it'll be too selfish to do so.
Oh wells. And I reckon I need to let go of the past to embrace the future.
Monday, September 12, 2005 / 05:10 a.m.
the summmmeerrr night
On an ironic note, hall dinner and dance ended on a high! I couldn’t say enough about the ten of us. We were tremendously thrilled that our performance received such overwhelming response. This was what we really wanted the most out of the whole night and we did it! The songs are still ringing in my head. Summer lovin’, happened so fassstt! And I didn’t embarrass myself as much as I did during bash so I was very thankful. We really bonded during the last few days and I just wanna thank jacinth for being such an angel. And to people like jill sin pris seowhong tav chel boon nel for wishing me luck and all. And congrats to yiwen and jiajie! Damn chio ahh!
Anyway i heard this was the best dnd TH had. True enough, it’s really interesting and amusing to see tables dress up as movie themes like Grease, The Incredibles and all. Their costumes were really really pro! My personal favourites were the Marvel Heroes and Stars Wars. I wonder how they eat!
When everything ended, I felt a sense of loss. Used to find all the preparations and rehearsals such a drag and a waste of my time. But in retrospect, we all had our share of fun and laughter during the dance and I guess that’s what really matters at the end of the day. Will miss fooling around with the nine others!
Btw, happy 4th year to my blog last thurs!
Dnd stuff has been really busy, but i'm glad we managed to have fun and bonded quite a lot in a short span of three days. Hopefully our item ain't too substandard. Thanks people you guys rock!
Speaking of late nights, tonight is really lovely. It’s raining! The rain chased away the heat in the day and brought in gentle cool breezes. I love the scent of rain wafting through the windows. Could almost taste it on my lips. And the soft thuds they make on the window panes, giving the night a tranquil and gentle touch. I look over to the pretty spherical lamps out there illuminating the streets with a misty yellow glow, and i almost feel like dancing in the rain! Though I’m enjoying myself in the coziness of my room watching the sheets of rain out there, as James Blunt’s voice takes over the darkness.
Rainy nights like these never fail to lure my soul out and awaken my senses.
Meilin’s having lecture. Wish I have someone to talk to.
I’m tired. I really am. I’m very sick of having to deal with the unexpected that life so often throws at me. I’m sick of having to decipher every hidden and implicit meaning about everything around me. I’m sick of being pushed to place my priorities right and having to react strongly about so many things because almost everything big happened simultaneously. I’m sick of being committed to things I have no passion in. I know I’m not worthy, but what makes you think I’m happy?
Sometimes I reflect upon my reactions and actions and decisions. And I get very disappointed in myself.
And when I really want to be there for my friend, I get shit schedule like this. And I think to myself, why am I so inflexible? Why can’t I change it for my friend? Why talk about sense of responsibility and commitment when my friend’s sinking into the other end of the world? I wasn’t like that.
Sometimes I wish life was much simpler.
And i wanted to blog that last night was a great chat with yiwen kev and key all the way till sunrise. I'm glad i gave the benefit of the doubt to her who was wrongly accused of many unpleasant images. It's so gratifying to see her evolve, or should i say reveal herself as someone whom i like a lot as a new friend and hold great respect for. You rock babe! You really shouldnt judge a person by his/her looks until you know the person. And you often pick up lil surprises along the way. Be it disappointments or pleasant discoveries, they're all part of our learning and growing up process.
So, do ponder upon the reflection you get in front of the mirror before you criticize others.
Thanks meimei for coming back to accompany me. :)
A friend called me the kampung girl. His explanation was that i always play badminton in the wild, am tanned and lives in punggol. Haha. But anyhow, it was fun sitting at the slope with meilin yh and yiwen after badminton "in the wild" at night. We had tonnes of laughter. Anyway i love the quadrangle. Somehow. Too bad our window doesnt face there. Will take photos there one day. Think we're always so caught up in our fast paced lives that constantly throw things at us one after another that we hadnt the luxury to slow down, take a sip of coffee and appreciate the aesthetic beauty of everything around us.
Forgot to mention i talked to this black at punggol interchange. He made me felt pathetic.
So do you like pubs?
Hahaha. The effect of living in hostel.
It was badminton IBG yesterday and i was hanging around with jess, mian, meilin, min and yh. And it was such a nice feeling having my teammates from both st nicks and hwachong here with me at temasek hall. Like i'm reliving the good ol times again. :) Played a few good matches ourselves and i felt so ever ready to train again. Sadly IVP's far too strong.
And i'm aching all over!
Woke up from my 14 hour slumber feeling a little lost and disorientated. I haven't been at home for too long. Watched Finding Forrester with my sister and it was the perfect movie for a cool and rainy afternoon in the comfort of your own home. Sean Connery plays a reclusive and old award-winning author and Rob brown, a young talent in basketball and writing. It's about these two people finding themselves and realising their own dreams. They did it through each other and forged a strong friendship despite the difference in age and race. Forrester (sean) is Jamal's (Rob) mentor in writing and Jamal unknowingly changes the former by making him face his past and reliving his life. The movie gives me a very tranquil and heartwarming feel and is definitely thought-provoking. And i've been saying i wanna catch a good movie. This is excellent. :)
Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
Went running with pris and alison last night and we laid at the track, looking up into the vast velvet sky littered with sparkling stars that i used to love to gaze. It quietly brought me back to myself. Seems like the days in uni's been so hell hectic i hadn't the time to slow down and feel the world revolving. I feel as if i've so many thoughts swirling in my head and so many things to do i lost touch with my emotions.
My eyes wandered into the endless again and i see the beauty of everything around me as opposed to the ugly things happening. Maybe it's really time to change. I like to give people benefit of the doubt but when reality comes crashing down and spoil impressions like that, i feel disheartened. I feel like the girl inside me has disappeared. The me that believes in the good of people and dreams of ideals and perfection. Somehow the happenings around me keep going against my beliefs that I feel thrown around in the mind games of people I cannot really comprehend. But maybe I’ll just continue being me who believes that ignorance is bliss. I choose to escape.
Don’t really understand why people like to rush in upon mere mutual attraction. Especially when it’s pure physical attraction. Aren’t we supposed to take our time to slowly unravel what’s beneath that exterior that people so often get blinded by? Love shouldn’t just be about sheer infatuation.
But then again, a friend told me I’m being too idealistic. The world doesn’t revolve this way.
Finally met up with my dear boon today! And i can finally use my laptop to go online! And i finally download the newest version of msn in my laptop! Triple yays.
Pris makes me wonder whether i should laugh or cry!
pris says:
I think i'm not spending a lot of time at home. Weekends are so packed. So are weekdays. I wish there's more hours in a day! My sis specially came home tonight coz i'm home. But i'm occupied with my computer being online and checking stuff. Tomorrow's a sunday but i'm gonna be so busy again. Lilian's birthday, tuition and pageant meeting at night. And my next week's sort of jam packed. And if i'm spending time with who and who, i won't be able to talk to whoever else and whoever else. Like i haven't seen pris and jess for how long. It's already like that in hall. Even worse outside hall and worst of all, outside nus!
VERY VERY SADLY, i can't go for hwa chong MAF this year coz of hall dnd. And i have been looking forward to it ever since last year. It's the saddest thing that has happened. I wanted so much to see everybody again.
And what happened that day was such an irony.
Been talking to quite a few people recently. I realised although there are different facades and fronts put up by different people, that sometimes deter you from associating with them, when you finally get to know them and all barriers are knocked down and they're stripped to the core, we're all the same inside. Never good to judge a book by its cover.
Blogging has suddenly become a weekly dose. I better get my laptop soon! Or i'll keep lagging behind. Don't know what to do for tutorial or what's the next lecture or if there's any assignment online. My readings are piling up heavily on me and i don't seem to be doing anything at all. Sigh.
Last Saturday night was supper with bernard and meilin at chomp chomp. Sunday night was 69 outing at marche and ktv with char, alan and bernard after that. It's been long since we met up! Then monday night was chatting with yh, meilin and kwan till wee hours of the night. I remember sleeping at 5 am while the rest continued all the way till breakfast. Utter madness! Tuesday night siong qun, san duo, jun wen, dennis and emily came to visit us and we had teochew porridge for supper opposite beautyworld. Stupid junwen and sq were racing each other for a while! Quite scary to be inside the car. Haha. Wednesday was biz ad jam n hop. The committee people went early in the afternoon to prepare and i got to see the ugly side of zouk in the day. But it's pretty cool learning a little about operating the stuff over at the dj area. We messed up the cds a little! Oops. They had the biz pageant preview and avril was pretty as usual! And a few others as well. Spent more time at phuture after that. Thursday was photo shoot and the photos turned out pretty well! Though i look quite bad inside. But much much better than the bash shots may i add. Yiwen looks really pretty (as usual) and key's individual shot is really nice! And skye's damn cool. Had video shooting which really sucked coz i can't act for nuts and i kept bursting out laughing. Felt so bad but i can't help it! Then yiwen had a craving for supper so off we went at 2 am for roti john and maggi soup. Hee. Then last night we had supper again. Goodness. Chatted at A1 with miscellanous people till 5 am.
As you can see, i've been suppering and sleeping really late. Quite tiring! And by the way almost everybody i just knew come and tell me i have a tired/sian/dao/fierce face. DAMN SIAN! I'm just born with it! Sadness.
Someone was casually asking me You're the sentimental sort? To which i said, yes. The reply was simple but struck me. It's time to move on. And i thought to myself, how many times already. I've wasted a lot of my time dwelling and living in the past. I've been using the past as a yardstick to judge things of the present.
Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you want to be. - Sex and the City
Btw, I do not have any other reasons why besides the ones i've listed. But i think i'm too selfish. People work so hard for this whole thing. I shouldnt be doing this.
University life has been really hectic, especially when hall is in question. It's been fun nonetheless, though i really wish for a nice and relaxing holiday somewhere else as a temporary getaway.
Wednesday
Thursday
Met up with sinhui at yusok ishak after that and lilian at night after tuition. I'm so grateful for today because i could finally see them! Really miss their presence hell lots and wish i was back in hc at our favourite 69 class bench wondering whether we should play ball or go coro for a drink.
Supper was fun but.. traumatising. It was our first katanga supper outing to fong seng since the hal orientation. We had tonnes of fun filling up the entire shop with laughter and voices. Till we played the horrifying zhong ji mi ma. Lucky lucky me. I never had such luck in this game. I still recall eating loads of food as punishment during class xmas potluck and church potluck at ivy's. This time, i was "lucky" four times. They mixed bandung, milk tea, tomato sauce, curry and cucumber and mee altogether!! And i had to drink four spoonfuls of that!! It was the most nauseating and disgusting thing i ever put inside my mouth. Horrible! Boo. My luck never fails to shy away from me. Haha, quite funny and fun though. After supper was happily chatting the night away with yiwen in her room.
Friday
I know i've been playing quite a bit, but the biz ad people are seriously scaring me. I've already changed from jc times. At least i listen to 70% of the lectures. But yet i can never catch up with my faculty mates. They bombard the lecturer with tonnes of questions and they really check out every single website that the lecture notes state. I met up with my tutorial group on fri and they had pages of answers ready when i didn't even have the questions! Sigh.
The past few weekends was spent with jessica buying stuff and walking around with our luggages. Haha. We really have similar tastes in everything! Hope our town outing will materialise soon!
That's all folks. I have no lappie in hall and my home com internet connection has problems. That's why i haven't been updating much. :( Boon and chel remember to meet up on wed! Miss you all!
Doing this for BOON
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD: THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS: THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS: (currently) THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order): THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED: THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE: THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY: THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL: THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES: THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES: THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW: Thanks people, I'm perfectly fine already. Maybe i shouldnt have posted the previous post. Caused too much worry. The past week has been wayyy hectic. I had so many things to attend to, so many priorities to sort out, so many emotions to handle. I take comfort in knowing that his death was a peaceful one and that i had so many friends who cared for me. Thanks to people like huiling, boon, sanduo, emily, yong teng and many more. Pris even gave me a little present and a note to cheer me up. How sweet! :)
And to all those at the bash, thanks too! It's after this whole event that made me realise i have such low self-esteem and self-confidende. Time to boost my ego a little. But i don't know how.
And i never know how to handle public opinion. Should have been really firm with my decision earlier on.
Couldnt start first day of school properly coz i had to attend the funeral. First german lesson was missed too. Now i'm having a huge trouble trying to catch up with my german lecturer who has a huge german accent and she kept making us decipher the whole string of german words the cd had spouted out. Even when we haven't heard them before. Damn.
I was just telling huimin how stressed i've been these days. I have trouble getting my priorities right. I feel like it's so hard to turn to anyone because ultimately, it's my own time i am juggling with. Sometimes i wish there's more than 24 hours a day. There are so many people to meet and so many things to do. Yet, in a childish fashion, i feel a sense of insecurity whenever people seem to have moved on without me. But i can't be everywhere anyway.
Guess I'll see how it goes.
My sister called me while i was in my hostel room. And everything just felt so surreal and wrong. The call did not evoke any emotions in me. No nothing. I was just numbed and stunned as the news didn't seem to sink in at all. And as i rushed there and got onto the lift with my sister, my heart palpitated furiously. I watched as the lift went higher and higher. And suddenly, my tears couldn’t stop falling. I wept really hard because I couldn’t take the whole idea of it. I went inside the house and as my mum pulled down the blanket to reveal my grandfather’s face, all calm and cold, I sobbed again. Coz it was then I knew he was really gone.
And I realized how ugly and narrow minded human beings can be. I mean, what’s the use of arguing for a grand funeral, claiming it’s to give my grandpa face? You weren’t even around much when he was ill. The purpose of a wake is to mourn over his loss, and to bid him a proper farewell. Not showing off to people and holding a wake that screams filial piety. I can’t believe people actually bother so much about monetary affairs when the person is already gone. Is there a point?
I still remember a few weeks ago when I visited my granddad. And my grandma, who suffered a stroke in her brain, was in her usual seat, blabbering nonsense we cannot understand. Then she beckoned for me to go over to her. As I went beside her, she suddenly held my hand and smiled at me with her ever-tender eyes, speaking something I don’t know. For that instance, I really thought my grandma was back, conscious of what she was doing. I thought she could recognize me. For that was the way she used to hold my hand and smile at me. I felt a lump in my throat but I held back the tears. I knew she didn’t know what she was doing. I knew the old grandma was gone. Her inability to recognize me really pains me. And selfishly I wondered and thought I’d prefer a grandma who’s ill but could still call out my name, rather than one like that now. Till I turned over and saw how my grandfather was suffering. I don’t think so anymore.
Sigh. Though a part of me is sad over my grandfather’s loss, I know at least he isn’t suffering anymore.
Rag and flag marked the end of our orientation and clearly it wasn’t a good day for temasek hall. We didn’t win a single award back in contrast to the overall best float we had managed to clinch for the past four years. It’s such a pity. And such heart breaking to see seniors who had put in tremendous effort and sweat and time for the past three months to break down and cry their hearts out. Some of us teared too, though we didn’t give in even half the contributions. So imagine their pain. Biz ad also won the overall rag and flag for the past three years but was reduced to nothing today.
Oh wells. Like what han said, we didn’t have to feel sad. For every hall deserved to win. Everybody put in hard work and sweat to make things happen. Maybe we should look at this from another point of view. We ain’t called a hall if we hadn’t been through our lowest times together. It’s through both thick and thin that we are truly bonded. It’s through this fall that makes victory all the sweeter next year. Yeah!
Now that two weeks of orientation is officially over, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief yet loss. There’s no more rag sessions where we automatically find ourselves at the rag room after dinner. Or pasting cardboard or cutting cans or drawing with the templates. I’m thankful to meet a fun bunch of people in my og – Katanga. Hopefully it doesn’t end from here.
It’s just the end that marks a new beginning.
It was clothes fitting at Kai in the afternoon and shopping with yiwen after that. Finally met up with my dearest boon and chel! We went crazy doing the cheers in the middle of the road. Not on top of our voices of course. Rach has suddenly become so unglam. Haha. Just like how i've always been.
School is starting. I'm rather apprehensive.
Sighs. I'm rather depressed and stressed now. I never want to drift away from anybody. Hope things get better now that orientation has become less hectic.
Inauguration made me happy for a while.
But anyhow, another reason is that i'm greatly disturbed by my sister's good friend's death news. Even i am in shock. Imagine the trauma and sorrow and pain and agony my sister has to go through. Yet i was having orientation when she was at her lowest. And death is just something so hard to grasp and accept. It'll be morbid to keep thinking about such issues yet we shouldnt often escape from hard reality. It's always when such things happen to you and crush you flat then you get to comprehend the gravity and solemnity of the matter. We are often so caught up by the pursuit of materialistic desires and self contentment in life that we never know how to handle such issues. For my dearest sister, I can only hope for time to heal and courage to accept.
Finally gotta chance to go online after so many days of hall orientation. Thanks to jasmine and her laptop. Orientation's been pretty fun. Had a nice funny chat session with yiwen kevin and alvin two nights ago at the tv lounge. I never knew i'm so ignorant. The welcome ceremony was the climax of the entire camp. Too bad wei missed it. We were blindfolded throughout the whole array of activities! Such as sliding down two slopes laid in canvas sheet and soap and water, crawling through the man-made river, putting our hand down the toilet bowl and many more. The most memorable moment was at the end of the day when we removed the blindfolds and were immediately greeted by a pathway of seniors holding candles and smiling, welcoming us to temasek hall. We walked through as they gave us towels and hot milo and welcomed us. It was so warm and fuzzy! Some of us even cried. Hahaha. It was such a heartwarming sight.
Anyways, after seeing rachel at the inauguration ceremony today, i feel that i'm really cut off from the world. I really really miss BOOOOONN!! So excited to see her on wednesday. Thankfully i have many of my friends here with me. Xiao zhang was really right when she said when st nicks old girls see one another after they graduate, they feel this inexplicably strong bond between themselves. I really think so. Did i mention yinghong, melissa (cedar), melissa (rg), wei, tav are all my neighbours? We really owe ewen big time for making us live near one another. And there are nine badminton players in my level. Cool! Too bad min and jess are not in my block. And pris too. My og group's pretty fun. Getting better each day. But stupid wei always pon and i can't share all the bunny jokes with her. haha.
Gotta go. Miss you people!
Freakk. I'm so exhausted. And there's so many commitments. And it's hard to strike a balance here and there. Sighs. Besides all these, hall life is quite a fun experience. Be back soon.
I have my luggage, sports bag, shoe bag and whatever packed and ready, standing at the corner of the room. And it's only less than 7 hours away from checking in. I know huimin's gonna give me the I knew it face. It's hell of hectic, but tm's gonna be worse. Been visiting grandpa, bbq with biz rag people, ikea and queensway with meilin, dinner with Watzup and more. For the bbq, we Borklon girls went bonkers discussing about our favourite food and all the good food in singapore. Heh hehs.
I'm so going to faint due to fatigue later on. I need to eat breakfast, check in, unload, ktv and have the biz discussion from 9am to 4pm. And it'll be hall orientation at 5. TEN FREAKING DAYS! Wish me luck. Meanwhile, i'll be running about at Temasek Hall!
Great news! NUS Business School is not moving to the Bukit Timah Campus anymore. Besides, our facilities will be expanded over the Law School. The bad news is not being able to see rachel as often anymore. :/
audio: "Deep and Meaningless" by Rooster
Went out with meilin then pris on saturday. Bought two pairs of shorts! Someone stop me!! But anyways, i'm broke. In the seriously penniless way. :(
Sunday was sentosa with the Watzup people. Pris and i were the only two girls who turned up!! The rest of the ladies either couldnt make it or decided to meet later for dinner. :( But thankfully, it was whole loads of fun! It was then that i realised beach games could be carried out succesfully only when guys are around. Example, volleyball! But anyways the only way i could contribue to my team was my pathetic serves. Hee. Frisbee was really fun too. Oh pris and i were playing with the dogs coz there was some dogs' gathering that day. Super cute! Then after the guys splashed their way into the water, they came back and pushed us in while we were having a good time with the dogs! And we didnt even realize that they were surrounding us menacingly. :( For captain's ball, pris and i were the obvious choices for the captain's positions and we had to sit on the guy's shoulders. Like the union camp, poor ghim seng had to carry me! Till he had leg craps, (-_-"), felix took over him. I had fun laughing at them and trying my best to catch the ball though waimun from the defending team was too freaking tall. When he jumped, he's taller than me on someone's shoulder! Frisbee monkey was fun too and we were enjoying ourselves till the sun set. Had dinner while more girls joined us over at Hans. Then we played Polar Bear at coffee club near california fitness. I went high singing (maroon 5) and laughing with pris, siang yu and eleen on our way there. Haha. When coffee club closed, we made our way to youth park and played more Polar Bear and the animal game. Thankfully i didnt have to do anymore forfeits but this time, the forfeits were less fatal. I heard about the licking mayo on waimun's nipples thing during the chalet! Thankfully i left early for phuture that night!
With courtesy of pris and ryan.
Coming wednesday, i can be happily clubbing with my girls. Or with the Watzup people. Or having a fun gossip session cum stayover with the biz rag people. But.. i think i'll stay in. Coz i have to check in on friday. Gotta make full use of the time i have left at home. Oh man.
I wanna be inside your heaven
Last night was bbq with the Watzup people. Then it was phuture with rachel! Just the two of us. It was just true blue fun! Music, company and dance. Fun fun fun. More to come when we check in our hostels. I couldnt help but feel really amused by the Jeep guy. Can't remember what was he blabbering about. Ate expensive bak kut teh for supper. And back at chel's house, she slept on her bathroom floor!! Hahaha.
I'm just a paranoid freakk.
The immature, idealistic me always thought the world should advocate equality. That we should all be given what we're due to and truly deserve.
Coz i feel that my friend deserves much more than that. She didn't have to face such painful experiences like these while the rest of us were happily having the time of our lives. Morever, she's like one of the nicest person i've ever met.
And her and him. So many more.
But recently, i gradually realize and accept that some things in life don't have to be fair. Some are simply chosen to give more, while some take and gain far more than the rest. If we were to upset this unbalanced balance, perhaps the world wouldnt be happier as we've imagined it to be.
Presenting.. the best birthday greeting one can ever get! Here's spastic sin at Mount Titlis in Switzerland.
Thanks to rachel today, i felt much better already. Met up with her and we were like greedy pigs! Bought a really nice top too. Hee. Can't wait for the morning jog with kel the pig, Watzup bbq, badminton on fri and shopping with char!
Sorry boon, if I sounded distracted on the phone just now. It must be the late night that’s getting me, or pms.
I’m just trapped in this swirl of thoughts splashed with different colors of emotions right now. There are so many things going on right now. I hear a heart break. I see a friend change. I see another friend sinking. I smell the wretched jealousy from deep within. I think my own heart is plummeting into the abyss, alongside the melancholy of this song that plays by itself on repeat mode.
Sometimes you wonder just how much it takes to make everything go your way.
I’m somehow tired. Tired of having to slowly unravel the outer layer, to reveal something real deep within. I like people to see the genuine me, facades broken down and false impressions proven wrong. But, there are so many sides of me. It’s frustrating. You can’t just read me like a book and you definitely need a long time to be able to listen to what I do not say.
And the world gets stranger each day.
Union camp was fun, albeit the amount of energy it had drained away from me. Thankfully I had pris with me, who cracked me up aplenty. We shared the same room and although she always woke up earlier than me, she’d lie on bed and daydream. Once I’m aroused from my sleep and got out of bed, she’ll immediately follow suit. She just needed me to make the first move! And that girl thought it’s not obvious. Our group was great fun and we won several prizes and although we were always trying to make peace with other groups, they don’t seem to like us much. Besides our ally of course. I thought piyo backstabbing us then making up to us by their heartwarming performance was quite cute. Hehs. Made a lot of quite good friends over there.
Went down to help out for rag today. It was really enjoyable just sitting there, doing brainless job and chit chatting with the people. They say that’s the fun part about rag. And I reckon so.
They always say old shoes feel the best. And true enough, after the first few painful experiences, when your shoes got more exposed to wear and tear, it feels most comfortable to slip your feet into those pairs of old shoes. Those that saw you through the times. But, to reach that comfortable level, to get past those times when they simply make your feet hurt, how do you ensure that the pain isn’t excruciating enough to deter you from chucking it aside and never wearing them again?
I’m wearing that very pair of shoes now. It’s not agonizing me, but I can’t help getting reminded of the pain it had inflicted upon my feet. Where do I walk from here?
Match of the day - 95 minutes! The match between peter and taufik took a good 95 minutes. It was such a thriller I swear I could feel my heart palpitating so heatedly as the shuttlecock flew to and fro. In the first set, Peter had a good comeback after trailing behind 7-13 to the Indonesian ace. Peter saved several match points and I was screaming and going crazy and shouting GO PETER with jillian and meilin. Still, taufik truly displayed his whippin’ good smashes that were so menacing. Fast and furious.. Eventually, he won 15-13. In the second set, peter dominated the game and sent taufik flying across the court so many times. He kept giving him front and back shots so that taufik could hardly smash. Erm, in my opinion la. The Dane clearly placed the right shots at the right places and was leading most of the time. Unmistakably, he proved to be the better player of the two. Whenever he won really good rallies, he turned to the spectators and thrust his fist as an acknowledgement of his fans and we went WILDDDDD!!! SADLY, he made quite a few mistakes towards the end and let taufik had a chance to catch up. Final score 15-17. Sigh. Poor poor gade. They met 11 times and gade won 7 times. But he had to lose this time. Gade conceded that he was not the player he was three years ago when he would not have let Taufik back into the game. Sigh, age and serious injury. But I would say that both players played really well and it was a really good game. :)
And taufik said it was the toughest match of his life.
Took photo with gade yesterday and he was damn nice about it. I still recall his warm and firm handshake! He told us to go down front in very funny English but jillian was damn blur and just took with him at the railing. The stupid railing that blocked half his face. DAMN funny. We were so dissatisfied with our photos we told ourselves we HAVE to take with him again today. And we did! After much hard work. A good shot. At last. =D The sugar rush when I look at peter. Wheeeee.
We were at the car park when jillian spotted jonassen. Our impression of him is this Danish badminton player who’s world no 2, champion of aviva open 2004 and old and tall and balding and scary. Turned out that he was really really nice. We asked him for a photo shoot and he initiated standing beside us and patiently waited, as our cameras were a bit cranky. Spoke very good English, very tall, very gentlemanly and er hem, very good-looking up close! The chiseled hunky sort. It was the best way to end the night!
Sorry for sounding like a total bimbotic secondary school girl. But it's not everyday that i get to see world class badminton players like this. Morever, one of them my favourite for five years. And still counting.
With partner and xiangping!
We’re going back, back, back to school!
Grease lightning, oh grease lightning!
The heroes who won the best dressed table! Well deserved, I must say.
Thursday, September 8, 2005 / 04:40 a.m.
just a night like this
Wednesday, September 7, 2005 / 01:18 p.m.
musing
Tuesday, September 6, 2005 / 03:54 a.m.
cause and effect
Not really.
Have you been to ____ (insert pub's name)?
Nope.
So what do you do during weekends?
Rest at home.
How about weekdays?
In school.
So have you watched ____ (insert recent movie's name)?
Huh??
Sunday, September 4, 2005 / 05:07 p.m.
Somewhere over the rainbow
There's a land that i've heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true
Thursday, September 1, 2005 / 02:31 p.m.
wandering
Wednesday, August 31, 2005 / 05:03 a.m.
Sunday, August 28, 2005 / 02:35 a.m.
msn
you know that day we had to touch dead body!
pris says:
damn GROSS
scarlet starlet says:
OH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
pris says:
hahaha
scarlet starlet says:
the family allow meh
pris says:
somemore the person's brain dug out alr
pris says:
har i duno..
pris says:
den the head like halfgone..
pris says:
haha got one corpse the dick very big..
pris says:
super funny
pris says:
my fren go ard touching can
pris says:
sick right
scarlet starlet says:
OH MAN!!
scarlet starlet says:
damn sick!!
scarlet starlet says:
not scary meh?
scarlet starlet says:
why u talk abt it as if its so normal???
scarlet starlet says:
brain dug out leh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pris says:
hahah
pris says:
cos like the guy die for v long alr..
pris says:
he's like brown and funny looking..
pris says:
but the face v scary :/
scarlet starlet says:
die for very long.. as in how long?
scarlet starlet says:
brown and funny looking?? hahahahhaa i really dunno whether to laugh or cry at ur description
pris says:
as in right i duno maybe quite bad lah
pris says:
but the person look abit like the chicken that you braise with soya sauce
scarlet starlet says:
WHATTTTTTT!!!!!!!
scarlet starlet says:
ahahhahahahahahaha
pris says:
that kinda colour
pris says:
haha
pris says:
look like chicken lah the muscles
pris says:
cos no more skin
scarlet starlet says:
so cool la dentistry
pris says:
hahahha
pris says:
eh i wanted to take photo..
pris says:
but quite scared!
pris says:
later suddenly wake up and scold me haha
Sunday, August 28, 2005 / 12:35 a.m.
Saturday, August 27, 2005 / 10:32 p.m.
weekly updates
Sunday, August 21, 2005 / 01:59 p.m.
Saturday, August 20, 2005 / 10:11 p.m.
hell hectic
Wednesday night was spent at west coast macs with meilin, san duo and siong qun. Caught up a little with them and laughed soooooo much i almost thought i'd get a heart attack. I think this bunch of us love to act. Hahaha.
I woke up to a lovely thursday morning. My first time experiencing a cold and serene morning in nus. It was really refreshing, with the winds so cool brushing against your skin. I walked on the rain-coated pavement, passing by the world who hadn't stir from the slumber. So quiet and peaceful. I took a deep breath of the morning air wishing every day could start like this.
Played badminton at kent ridge then table tennis with jessica kevin and willy back in hall. Table tennis was damn fun and hilarious! We should do this more often.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 / 03:54 a.m.
1. Ping
2. See Peng *stares at alan*
3. Rabbit *stares at seowhong*
1. Sparkl3
2. Amethystar
3. Scarlet Starlet
1. My finger nails.
2. My tan. Coz people like to laugh at how dark i am. The jokes they make are pretty hilarious.
3. My straight teeth after they've gone through the braces torture
1. My naturally yellow teeth. :(
2. My huge and disgusting eyebags
3. My born-like-that sian face.
1. My chinese ain't too bad.
2. Chinese new year
3. Okay i don't really get this question
1. SNAKES!!
2. Losing my loved ones.
3. Being misunderstood.
1. Handphone.
2. Transponder. Since i stay in hall now.
3. Specs.
1. FBT jersey.
2. FBT shorts.
3. Specs.
1. Jay Chou
2. David Tao
3. Lifehouse. I never knew that till recently.
1. Unchained Melody. All time fave oldie!
2. You and Me - Lifehouse
3. Forever Love - Lee Hom
1. Honesty
2. Care and love that neednt be spelled out
3. Chemistry
1. I cannot cycle.
2. I used to be in primary school choir.
3. I failed NAPFA in st nicks.
1. Height.
2. Tan.
3. Tone.
1. Badminton
2. Shopping
3. Eating
1. Meet sinhui and lilian and catch up with them
2. Give everybody one big hug to tell them they're never forgotten
3. To take a break at some beautiful island with white sandy beach and clear blue waters
1. Drummer in a band. HAHA.
2. Do marketing for a MNC.
3. Chemical engineer. I was crazy.
1. France
2. Bangkok
3. California
1. Javier
2. Tristan
3. Kayleigh
1. Hug and tell everybody who has significantly crossed my path of life that they are wonderful
2. Make a difference in people's lives, especially those i love
3. Forgive and forget
1. I'm not those gentle sort.
2. I think i talk rather loudly? Do i?
3. I CANNOT act cute at all.
1. Dressing up and shopping are fun!
2. I'm over-sensitive.
3. I think too much.
1. Rodrigo Santoro! The super cute one from Love Actually!
2. Peter Gade
3. Jude Law
1. Angelina Jolie.
2. Denise Keller. She has the style and attitude. Girl power!
3. Catherine Zeta Jones.
Anybody to make me happy!
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 / 03:08 a.m.
Monday, August 8, 2005 / 03:32 a.m.
3 am in the morning
Sunday, August 7, 2005 / 02:13 a.m.
TH power
advertising for red bull
enjoying ourselves while singing at starry starry night
Thursday, August 4, 2005 / 01:18 a.m.
Tuesday, August 2, 2005 / 06:42 p.m.
an issue
Monday, August 1, 2005 / 08:24 a.m.
hectic
Thursday, July 28, 2005 / 12:14 p.m.
Friday, July 22, 2005 / 03:43 a.m.
busy like a bumble bee
trying hard to look candid. hahaha
avril, me, lyd and huiling
with the couple this time.
Monday, July 18, 2005 / 10:04 p.m.
having fun at tanjong beach
the girls and the leaf. haha. we were mad
Monday, July 18, 2005 / 08:38 p.m.
you left me feeling high and dry
pris and i at east coast costa sands
waimun, pris, me, sherilyn and siang yu
Friday, July 15, 2005 / 11:15 p.m.
i wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows your way
And I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
Thursday, July 14, 2005 / 11:09 p.m.
shake ya tailfeather
Wednesday, July 13, 2005 / 03:21 p.m.
inequality
Wednesday, July 13, 2005 / 12:08 a.m.
random
Tuesday, July 12, 2005 / 02:47 a.m.
overrated
Tuesday, July 12, 2005 / 02:43 a.m.
yo ah yo, watzup yo
Sunday, July 03, 2005 / 12:27 a.m.
an old injury
Friday, July 1, 2005 / 23:39 p.m.
a classic day with a classic match played
He who was world number 1 from 1998 all the way till 2001, he whose style experts said lin dan tried to model into his own, he who’s current 3rd seed despite his age and injury, and most probably, the most gorgeous in the badminton arena – Peter Gade Christensen.
So imagine sometimes when other matches were going on..
…jillian and I couldn’t help but look in that particular direction.
Kenneth Jonassen – world’s second seed
