mysmilesarejus±afron±

121101

went town today wif boon n rachel. i lurrrve the white christmas tree. it looks so magical and beautiful, decorated with little blue bells, blue lights and a fairy on top. its so bluey and whitey n nicey!!! weee..... wow.... anyways boonie lost her maths book in town. oh wells we only discovered it when we were inside the mrt station. we got out, went all over taka n all over heeren before findin it at alternatives, my fave heeren shop! haha. damn tiring can. =)

the whole world's turning crazy. i was glad i found out tt amazing truth, coz if not, it will just simply blow my head off one day. on the other hand, was i happie? disappointed? sad? totally no idea. i felt tt i became a wooden block, devoid of feelings. i cant feel happiness, sadness wadeva. oh. wadeva.

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself

never engage in stuff tt adds depression | stress | numbness to ur life.

101101

felt the rush of emotions again. so confused. conflicting thoughts and memories flashing endless in my mind. what is the answer to my question? where do i get the answer? and how? how can a sinned n a purified get togetheR? but is . oso a sinned? i always seemed to fail in this area. i cant even reach what i desires. i didnt even get to get near it. what do i really want? n so what if i noe what i really want one day? i don't get to have it. this fuckin stuff is haunting me. stupid stuff are creeping inside my brain, refusing to let me go.

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...

i'm gettin to those period of time when linkin park's lyrics simply suits me again. screwed.

101101

went j8 wif szuyu fer lunch. den had training. felt tt today's so weird. bt the stuff gong said. i nv tot he felt tt wae, hais. its kinda scary. n tt filson-wadeva-harie-gorilla sux. cannot stand him flirting around. how gross. now badminton got two ultimate hairy gorillas. oh wells.

101101

i cant believe myself. how can i ever start again when the other havent end? i got depressed with a twinge of jealousy and yet a rush of disgust. am i mad?
-slaps- why issit that i always cannot feel what i really feel and see what i really need?

drink of the day: ginger beer

091101

i'm back! haha, the chalet was okayy. the problem was, we haf fun people but no fun activites. go to the nearest 24-hour store is like 10 min walk. (i miss pasir ris chalet) . alrites. 1st day, we went there in sin's lorry. they went totally mad. they were saying cheers singing songs and waving to people while me n sin simply covered our faces. we went to the beach n soaked ourselves in the sea. hehe. we were totally wet. then my pockets were filled with lotsa sand. bleahs. the bbq qas quite nice, we had real tonnes of food, n we finished them up all! we went to walk damn long wif sandy barefooted, wanting to plae pool n arcade but closed! *!!??!* at night i only remember sin sandy chel boon jx n me scaring ourselves in the room upstairs and screamin awae. haha. n monopoly n cards. i dunno what happned to jiaxi. her hand turned rubbery! hahaha we both kept laughing at the slightest thing, while the others just wondered why. haha. laughing moods lah. then the pigs went to sleep. jx janice they all stayed up. i slept for 2 hrs.

i woke up to watch sunrise. chel went too. then jx me n chel discovered lotsa clouds with lotsa funny face shapes n stuff. the sunrise was beautiful! though i preferred sunsets. i din noe the sun rays were reallie like those we drew on the paper. the rays were distinct from the blue background. heh. jx n chel went blading n jx damn funny again. haha. then we went macss n den arcade. me n jx made the best para para partners! hahaha. but erms, two pple larhs. den we went bowling. after tt some went cycling some blading n the usual 6 of us went to plae cards. more cards. ahhaa. taught them crazy ten. they were so serious n tensed up n funny! haha. no wonder it was called "crazy" ten. by tt time it was not even after 12. i oredi felt tt i had a long day. ltr, they went kayaking. i regretted not going. but tt time i was too sleepy n tired. me sin janice yijia went back to plae cards (again). we played poker usin monopoly's cards, oh dear the money drove everybody crazy! sin was simply so jealous tt i won lotsa money. yj went totally bankrupt n she asked if she can touched my $500 note. hahahhahahahhaha damn cornie. n janice said damn lot of juai stuff, wah me n sin felt like slaping her! not long, the wet ducks came back. the 6 of us went to the hawker centre for dinner. had lotsa fun. went back, more cards, some of them went down to plae crazy ten while me jx n ruxuan simple "plong" till 2+. they even went to the beach to open the sparkling juice.

morning was quite sian. tt piggie-sillie-boonie missed her sunrise though two tired pple tried waking her up in vain. haha. waited at the lobby (playing cards) wif a hungry stomach. den we went to macs n arcade(again) while sin left. jx n i din get to b p-p partners again but we became the house of dead heroes! haha. i hate tt monster hu never seemed to die. we end up dead there.

sin was right, there was nothing reallie memorable tt we did during these 3 days two nights. only less than 10 stayed all the while. but still, even though its not a "class" chalet, it was an opportunity for some of us to gather together. some days spent in my life tt i'll never forget. cards. monopoly. cards again. monopoly again. cards again again. =)

061101

i'm going for class chalet tml! i just wish to see the beautiful night sky from another point of view and watch the breath-taking sunsets and sunrises. n chalets are fun! i just pray tt during the chalets, nothing bad will happen. well, bad to me.

i just realised tt life should be controlled by urself. like what sin said, she dun let pple control her feelings. maybe i let others' actions control my feelings too much, heh. yah, i'm not into some self-negativity thingie or acting cool n morbid.

yay. i bringin this mini-sizes johnson baby shampoo n this strawberry flavor toothpaste tt huihui gaf me as a valentine pressie! hehe/ =)

051101

wah. buay ta han. i love this song wei yi by lee hom wang. damn damn nice! alrites its makes u damn sad. the tune, the wae he sang it, the mtv. =( shall translate a bit...btw...my translation aint good.

my sky is so clear
did one of the stars changed its heart
old hopes now dashed
recently i cant breathe
even the shadows are avoiding
you are my only one
the two worlds had changed their shapes
there's no wae we can go back
alone, whispering to the phone that i love you
i really love u
so much that i cant love you anymore
i had loved to the extreme

051101

it's over! i can't believe i used four days to study for an exam that is so important, O's Levels! i think my compo is kinda weird, and i estimated that i cannot get an A. A1, bye. VJC, bye.

guinness world record, pls watch. there's this "chocolate milk maker" around in the world. just pour cocoa powder + milk + water into his mouth, you'll get real chocolate milk from his nose. *slaps* yeah, it's true.

i think she noes she noes she noes. if not y is she trying to avoid me. why. why. why. shouldnt haf mentioned anything in the first place. shouldnt haf started all this shit. helluva the page and chats and talks and photos and diary. arghs.

i hate to be treated as if i'm invisible. like the only person visible is the person beside me.oh yah, n when as if ur words dun carry any importance, while u laff like shit at other pple's jokes.

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins and now

031101

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.