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ping
:: HCJC :: exStNicks :: 03S69 :: S4F02 :: badminton :: sparklingpills ::
SHE fancies sunsets and stars. indulges in music. often lost in a myriad of nebulous dreams. does not believe that wishes come true. seeks solace in the night sky. loves friends, family and food. LINKS gbook photos 03S69 4Faith aileen bin hui bernard bingyi boon seer celene charlene cheng boon eric huishan jessica jingyi min priscilla rachel ruxuan shuhan simin sin yee szuyu virn vivien wai kit weiling yeeon yijia yunyun zherui THANKS Magic-Design Moon Design's Brushes Brushy Brushes Time On My Hands Brushes Pitas RANDOM SCRIBBLES
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Sunday, July 13, 2003
Today was my first. My first time getting out of the house and running just for the sake of running. I know this ought to be something i'm ashamed of, instead of being proud about. :/ Ran 2.4km with meilin at Bishan Stadium (where i first ran my 2.4 km) and the run was torturing, yet effective. Not just physically though. During the run, i had to confront and lay out my contorted thoughts, finally letting them dissolve as the wind whizzed past against my motion. It was tough, tiring, i was so breathless, but deep inside, i felt that i was climbing nearer to the opening of that bottomless abyss. After all, we shouldnt let all sorts of negativities plague us because time is too precious to be spent on such superfluous (i learnt this during SAT :D) and mind-wrecking heap of nothing. (Yes sinhui, i'll do it) Perhaps this would sound too contrived. There's still this tinge of bitter melancholy inside me probably, and eating up a little of my soul, but i'll do fine. Furthermore, i should be getting used to such stuff already. I would say i'm Fate's toy though, manipulated and made fun of. Everywhere, while walking around the shops, i could hear those songs blasted at their fullest, as if reality just slapped me right at my face. It's okay, I'm alright, don't worry, I'll do fine.
Send someone to love me
wings mended and broken at 08:39 p.m. Friday, July 11, 2003
i can't seem to describe my tumult of emotions, for i cant even decipher the codes of my own feelings. Friday has always been dreadful, nevertheless, but today had been a worse one.
i am inevitably on the verge of going crazy, just sitting here in front of the computer and letting all the insecurities and loneliness sink in and slowly gnaw at my soul. the song If You're Not The One is killing me. the poignancy, the tender soft voice of the singer and the way he sings it feels so surreal, in such an intangible form that i'm craving for it, even though i know deep inside the intense emotions it can evoke. when one's at his/her lowest, all sorts of self-induced negativity and frivolous thoughts creep their way in and transform into a macabre heap. i don't know where to begin and where to end. i only know i've fallen into an endless abyss and my dreams have left me, the way sand slipped through the jaded fingers.
a lachrymose butterfly
wings mended and broken at 23:30 p.m. Wednesday, July 9, 2003
just last night, i discovered a whole string of blogs connecting you, me, her, him, everybody! felt as though i was just an alienated nosey alien peering through the wall of privacy into the colourful lives of people. Some are friends of my friends, while some are acquaintances of my friends' friends. i see so many familiar faces in the online photos belonging to people i haven't quite heard before, or those i sometimes encounter. was talking on the phone with chel and we were simply immersed in lookin at the photos (some really interesting), discovering more and more friends of friends of friends. it is simply amazing and shocking to see how small this world is, like an intricate web tangling up the lives of many, and it just simply link back to your very own. next time, i will meet a particular someone not acquainted walking down the streets of orchard, and i will flip through my pages of visual memory, frown or probably raise an eyebrow.
shopped with meilin for huimin's, hsien fei's and jilian's presents altogether! my stamina was showing signs of deterioration as my legs were aching due to yesterday's PE, which i didn't recall it being strenuous or something? (it was just some sit-ups, push-ups and volleyball) speaking of volleyball, i got reminded of the many volleyball sessions during PE Elective back in st nicks with chel. it was such a twist of irony. we both signed up for softball (boon too) but due to the over popularity of the sport, boon had to learn mini tennis (LOL!) while chel and i were allocated to volleyball with most hated Mr Phee. the first day of session (a much dreaded one), he was telling us that we must have signed up for volleyball because we had an interest for the sport. NO! We hate volleyball. We had no choice but to come here was roughly what we replied obstinately. Hehs, yet as we attended more sessions accompanied with several bruises, we grew to love the game, the pain, and of course the Justice people! And just as we were getting the hang of the sport and immensely enjoying ourselves, the change in perspective brought about the end of the sessions. Oh man!
anyways, after town, i took meilin to Bugis Street. that place remained the same as it was the last trip with chel, a boisterous junction where humidity, colours and the flow of the human waves intermingle. amidst the hustle bustle, meilin made many discoveries of items she fancy and she was all determined to save up and buy them! Silly girl. :) i never failed to feel lost in that place, not in the literal sense though. it is such an easy place for distractions, minds drifting and feeling as insignificant as a small mote of dust.
wings mended and broken at 09:08 p.m. Tuesday, July 8, 2003
It's like eating a pineapple. You know the fruit will cut your tongue mercilessly, but you force it into your mouth and let it bleed.
It's like cutting an onion. you know it can sting your eyes and set them brimming with tears, but you hold up that knife and allow it to cut your face into a thousand tears.
It's like skipping school. you know you will probably be caught and punished, but you grab that schoolbag of yours and climb high above the school gate, only allowing yourself to be spotted by Mr/Mrs Sharp Eyes.
It's like watching a sad flick. you know such melodramatic scenes will only evoke your melancholy, yet you carry on and allow them to play on your tender emotions.
Many times, we are aware of the consequences but we let our heart rule over our head and land ourselves in such misery. And i wonder, how many more re-enactments of many times are there left before the little threads connecting my inner being snap and break?
wings mended and broken at 12:33 a.m. Monday, July 7, 2003
today was FUN! hmms, though i didnt get to play beach volley with my classmates. :( i even got my handphone background changed to the picture featuring some people playing beach volley! anyways, as usual, boon was the first to arrive, and chel the last. sentosa was crowded with loads of school people today, and we met so many familiar faces. the sun was scorching hot, the sight was a beauty, the breeze was refreshing! just as we were relaxing amidst the sweet smelling tanning oil, it started pouring and totally thwarted our plans. after what seems like forever, the rain ceased and we embarked on our beach train journey to siloso in hope of joining my class for beach volley. alas, i cant seem to spot them at all!!! :( hence, we lied our way through the shangrila hotel entrance and bathed in the pool shower rooms there. trudged all the way to town and bought tickets for Charlie's Angels. for around one hour before the movie, we were sitting at lido, gobbling our food, and making really silly poses and expressions in front of the camera. that chel, the expressions she made sent boonie and i laughing like total idiots in the midst of a large crowd trying to eat their food peacefully! most hilariously, we played crazy ten! hehe, as usual, screams, anxiety, laughters burst out in full volume due to the high tension built up during the game. we all went crazy, one by one! the show was Lame, i admit, but their figures and clothes were good! oh wells, some scenes were totally... i-have-nothing-to-say. i was just very glad i didnt watch it with any guys! hehe, the show was portraying the importance of friendship and showing the strong bonds between the 3 angels, which reminds me of us! ERM, of course not trying to say that we're crazysexycool or something! it's just the ties between 3 good friends. :) after the show, we just felt like kicking or punching somebody MUAhaha! :D
Boonie, send me the photos soon! :)
wings mended and broken at 08:35 p.m. Sunday, July 6, 2003
my grandmother, definitely more than just numerous fanciful lanterns on Mid-Autumn Festival, endless declicious dishes whipped up every Sunday without fail, several dolls that accompanied me throughout my childhood, countless bowls of bitter herbal tea i was made to drink due to my dry or red lips. i can't really say i am close to my grandmother due to language difference, but she had certainly showered me with loads of love and concern. every sunday without fail, ever since i was born, or even since my sister was born, we would visit my grandparents. just a few months ago, a merciless minor stroke struck upon my grandmother's brain, causing her to lose her memory. she can now only recognise my uncle, and she always speaks senseless phrases we could understand only some. her face would lit up in delight upon dinner time, or sometimes even cry due to reasons we cant understand why. she came to stayover at my house today, just like she did some other times. and it hurts me to see the way my grandmother doesnt recognise us anymore, and definitely the pain in my mother's eyes as she looked at her own mother ageing. it's like so.. helpless, devastated, simply sad. but i can see that she always tries not to show it, as if nothing has happened. And there's definitely nothing i can do much to help lessen her burden, except continue to go visit my grandparents every sunday with her. Sighs.
sad things aside, i am going sentosa tomorrow! have decided to go for BOTH the class outing and with boon and chel. hmmms, will be playing with the class for a while i think. Bleahs, but at least i'm trying to go both sides! sorry szuyu! another time.. :(
wings mended and broken at 10:58 p.m. Sunday, July 6, 2003
(this commemoration is done as requested by the female lead herself)
Date: Saturday, 05 July 2003
A girl who often claims that she is weak, named Xu Meilin, currently studying in HCJC class 03S65, fainted shortly after coming out of the train due to unknown reasons. Her mother shouted for help desperately while warm hearted passers-by carried her to one side. the MRT staff rushed with a wheelchair and altogether, they carried her to the wheelchair and she was wheeled to the staff lounge. The interesting part, as she claims, was that she made an amazing discovery of the amazing lift she took to the staff lounge. A mystical lift she has never seen around the MRT area in her 16 years of taking MRT. (of how on earth did she know she started taking MRT since she was born bugs not only you, but me as well) the Crowd, Curious as they always are, never failed to cast their stares upon this poor girl. Caring MRT staff members came in one by one and asked about her well being. That was when i, the owner of this blog (with a Double Duh), happened to sms her. Despite her weakness (pun intended), she was all Excited and Exhilarated upon telling me that this is one great experience and she is going to tell her whole class when school reopens. And oh, she talked about this fascinating door she used while making her way out of the special place, a place where an extraordinary experience happened, an experience that she will be reminded of (if memory ever fails her) when she visits this particular blog several years down the road. Presenting Meilin, with her enigmatic, intriguing and positively hilarious thinking and behaviour.
wings mended and broken at 12:02 a.m. Saturday, July 5, 2003
besides stars and butterfly (which remind of us 3 :D), sunsets and the night sky, i take a fancy to dark red roses. a mildy sinister beauty, emblazoning a mixture of subtlety and mystery, pure deep red and tenderness. they symbolise a pair of blooming lovers, radiating rays of joy, romance and love. alas, like any other flowers, roses don't last as long as they do in our dreams.
Whoa, how lovely can sunsets get! :D
wings mended and broken at 08:37 p.m. Awake and Dreaming
i likened the figure to a heap of beautiful tulip petals, floating and swirling higher and higher into infinity. i was embedded in ethereal delight, and marvel at the embodiment of perfection and beauty. the misty figure was so familiar from far, yet so far from familiar. it draws near. i reach out to touch it. it then burst like a bubble, the petals scattered in all directions. the sweet fatal scent was intoxicating, hypnotizing and soon i was drunk, shrunk, small and dainty as the petals. we all danced deliriously under the moon spraying misty silver threads.
wings mended and broken at the tides of my dreams |
