| A Dosage of Sugar Dreams | |
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Sunday, November 30, 2003
I read a note my grandma wrote back in 1923
stardust brushed dreams at 03:05 p.m. Sunday, November 30, 2003
Forgive me. Sometimes, i really hate to lie. Once i lie, i'll let guilt take over me and sometimes i'll spurt out some rubbish which makes no sense at all. Of course this does not stand when it comes to tricking friends. :)
My arms are aching very badly ever since the gym session with meilin and jillian at bishan on Friday. We then met up with fulun jiting sanduo and siongqun to play badminton in school. Have been playing badminton with people i don't know very well lately but it's been quite fun!
And yes yes, we're all pissed off. In my thirteen years of schooling, i havent quite seen teachers who can shirk responsibility so effortlessly like them. And uh, talking about changing facial expressions from intense boiling anger to the smile of a disgusting hypocrite with the flash of a bolt of lightning. Furthermore, if you do not intend to help us at all, why on earth do you go one big round to make us FEEL as though you are, yet your words are just mere hidden insults? Eeps.
stardust brushed dreams at 02:22 p.m. Saturday, November 29, 2003
GEMINI WOMAN
stardust brushed dreams at 11:28 p.m. Wednesday, November 26, 2003
I feel a mood swing surging at full blow these days. But don’t worry, I’ll try not to take it out on anybody. And to top it off, I’m suffering from physical discomforts, which I believe, came from the drink that early morning and terrible storm that fateful noon. Or maybe just pms. Worse still, I can’t exactly explain what is exactly uncomfortable with my body. Or was it a psychological effect? I know not. There again, human minds are so powerful.
stardust brushed dreams at 10:11 p.m. Monday, November 24, 2003
It's 4.19 am in the morning and i cannot sleep after waking up! And i'm so jealous after reading rachel's blog. She's been to Hollywood (santa monica used to be my favourite savage garden song) and beaches with pure white sand and clear blue waters! My, i can almost imagine myself there now! Hey girl! (if you're ever reading this) Take care while having fun while we're having rachel-less mahjong sessions! :D
stardust brushed dreams at 04:20 a.m. Sunday, November 23, 2003
There are so many things to say and so much i've felt, but with so little words i can express with. Maybe i should just forget about them and leave them at the back of my head.
Can't help but laugh at boon's corny appearance with her towel clipped in the sailor moon style while we were "dying" at my house today! Mich and i were prettty amused by her undying churning out of thank you for coming and how people just don't listen to her. Silly girl! Had S4Faith steamboat at jiaxi's house today. And mich made me laughed so much i couldnt enjoy the food properly! Really miss some of them and the class video was really nostalgic! Bah.
The next thing i really wanna do is to lie down and watch the stars with a close friend or two. I don't like the buildings, in a way. They spoil the beautiful glow of the stars and make them look so out of reach. Looking at the night sky tonight reminds me of the really pretty clusters of bright stars we caught at kota tinggi during the sports trip last year. Away from the urban environment and one could really feel that the twinklings are within touch. And to enjoy the gentle night breeze and immerse in the lovely surroundings as if u're one of those small yet significant star up there.
Ahhh, can't wait to go sentosa, play mahjong and hopefully stayover at jess' house next week! It's been real long since i've went her house. All the playstation, badminton, tennis, swimming, cards, instant noodle, pizza, tv and many pretty glow-in-the-dark stars plastered all over her room ceiling i can admire along with those real ones outside her large windows before i cuddle up to sleep in her comfortable bed.
Sorry about all the stars here and there. I wish there's a cool astronomy club in hwachong!
Rachel Chow aka hippo aka Conti C, come back soon! We miss you already. Blurted to boon that i prefer u here haha! Just kidding of course. :)
stardust brushed dreams at 12:54 a.m. Friday, November 21, 2003
Nothing much except cutting hair, queensway with meilin and mahjong with boon mich sa these days. I miss them and sa's crazy antics can really drive us nuts. :/
After audition (ahhh it sucked) and training today, jillian meilin ivy and i went town to watch the buskers in action. My, they were good! Especially this guy from Canada who rode on the wheel, juggled and did several flips while making really funny jokes to keep the audience engaged. We donated quite a few times though in small amounts!
Anyways, it was great soaking up the christmassy atmosphere in town tonight. To catch the iridescent lights of any forms and colours adding life to the streets of orchard. My dream is to have a typical white christmas in a house covered with layers of snow and twined with pretty lights that add a magical touch to the air. To have a colourful xmas tree in the house, a fireplace to warm our toes, a long dining table filled with xmas goodies and of course, all the loved ones around me, safe and cosy. Whoa, i love christmas! (okays, someone hit me, it's just 21st Nov)
It's so hard to fathom somebody's thoughts, even my own. How do i know whether my feelings result simply from my heart or rather, what my mind wants it to be? If my mind has been influencing how i feel, how do i know what are my true feelings? Bleahs. Human minds are so intricate.
stardust brushed dreams at 11:28 p.m. Tuesday, November 18, 2003
I am really glad i went for the P4 camp at New Town Primary School these two days. It was really enjoyable and enriching! Think we all found the inner child in us again, or was it always the case for me.. Anyways, initially, i had this fear inside me that the kids won't like me or anything due to my widely agreed dao face but no, i felt that my group members (sinuhi, lilian, zhengnan and tathua) could mix with them pretty well! And it was really those little things you read off them that could make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Like how this very sweet and pretty dancer Yuting painted Fear Factor (our group name) on her sleeves when she went home with her already painted tshirt. Or Kar Meng the noisy bossy one who wrote My Fear Factor Kite on his kite. (Okay, at first we really received lousy response when we first announced our group name.) And of course, sinhui's favourite Ahdiyat clapped so enthusiastically when the principal asked them to clap for the councellors. Felt this overwhelming sense of fulfilment as i helped Yongxiang with his kite which flew really really high. The kites that flew in the sky today was an amazing sight. Even the councellors resembled the kites in flying around freely and reviving their childhood memories.
And of course, i got to know people better. Initially, i thought zhengnan and charb just have to roar before the kids will scuttle with fear. Instead, they were really popular with the kids. Charb really mixed well with his group and two girls even commented that he's handsome! Muahaha! This boy, Savarannan, even wrote in his feedback form that everybody think Tat Hua is handsome. One should see the reactions on our faces! Hahaha. (kidding, of course) While lilian is ALWAYS coming up with her own names for the kids like SarayatnaM instead of Savarannan and Zzoomee instead of Jumi. (the kids called her MONSTER haha!)
Oh, and even look-so-slack Zhengnan was really spontaneous and was the Big Bad Black Bread in the drama presentation, which was the highlight of the whole performance. Suddenly, everybody became so responsible and admirable.
And i just have to add. This boy in my group was initially always running away and giving attitude to us. We learnt from him today that he has this really sad family problem. For the first time, we see things from his point of view. And then it dawned upon us every single reason why he's been acting this way. It is especially unfair when he's brought up in this kind of environment which plays a major part in shaping his character, and then he is unwelcomed by the others due to the barrier he sets up but it isnt his fault. But as the activities flow along, one could see how much he yearn to participate and join in the fun. Especially today, when i saw his kite flying so high, and that innocent yearning smile on his face, or how he became so driven to act well on stage, i felt this ache gnawing inside. To see him defy from reality by escaping. And the helplessness inside all of us. So cruel. Life is so cruel to him.
And there's a time to part for every good thing that happens. And so, being camera-less, we waved happily to all our group kids that we met on the way feeling really empty inside. To see the genuine smiles on their face, we, for the first time, felt that we've made a difference in other people's lives. It felt so good just to give and not take. I just hope that for several years down the road, i'll still remember each of them with their own unique characteristics and their adorable faces. Thanks Yuting Attika Savarannan Yongxiang Dennis Kar Meng Shuan Jumi Ahdiyat Sinhui Lilian Zhengnan Tat Hua you guys made this camp so meaningful. :)
stardust brushed dreams at 07:53 p.m. Friday, November 14, 2003
I'm back! Class chalet was okay i suppose. I agree that we didn't do many things that seemed memorable, but what i always look forward to during chalets is having the chance to do normal activities together like eating and talking till wee hours at night and cuddle up at the bed and unravel chains of stories, interesting and not. The times we generally reminisce about that can evoke both tears and laughters are simply the normal stuff we do. Like lessons and recess and going out after school. Aint it? I guess it's just the company.
The chalet was some sort of a mahjong cum bridge cum eating session i supposed. We were pretty disgusted by the
costa sands chalet (as compared to the chevron one in june) but we quickly forgot it. First day was spent bbqing food that my poor newly straightened teeth couldn't handle. We kind of played a trick on the people who came later (as elaborated by bingyi) and we were all quite afraid after seeing char's pissed off look! She settled for a while then took her bag and went off! Lilian and i were so scared we ran out to chase after all. I even told char we'll kneel down in front of her to beg her to go back! Little did i expect these two monkeys collaborated and tricked me during the chase. And i followed behind them all the way, a roundabout way to be specific, back to the chalet again! And of course, loud laughters and "scoldings" on my part dissolved the tense atmosphere. How embarrassing.
The girls had quite a nice cosy and interesting talk at night. Don't know why, but this was the first time i felt i could safely and confidently share anything with a big group of people, whom some of them i don't share things with. Then, poor sinhui and i. I'll spare my readers, if any interested, the gory details. Then, charlene bernard zherui seowhong chinsiong (i think we kept taking turns) played mahjong and i can't believe i didnt even shut my eyes for even ten minutes! Anyways, charlene is really a fast learner. :) And i thought the "hurr" that zherui and bernard kept adding at the back of every sentence was really hilarious. Kept laughing. :D
Ber char zherui and i didn't join the class for breakfast at BK. Lazy huh? One of the funniest part
worth remembering was that zherui chose pads for charlene at the provision shop! -slaps forehead- We then continued playing mahjong. We decided that the person who throws out the winning tile has to do a forfeit decided by the winner. And then, my bad luck was suddenly eaten up by zherui and he threw my winning tile three times in a row! (and yes, if he ever reads this: i purposely put this here!) And yes, i admit i have to do two forfeits (seowhong replaced char and was the winner twice) but the first one was unfair! Zherui threw out seowhong's winning tile but the latter didn't proclaim the win coz he wanted ME to throw it out later. THANKS. By the way, the forfeits are not carried out yet. I don't know what i should make zherui do! Heh heh. PLayed hearts with adder lilian and sinhui after that. Lilian had to perform some childish and bouncy dance in front of charb as forfeit. The wayyy she jiggled and twisted her body in an unnatural and comical manner and sinhui's abnormal, rib tickling laughter ignited the huge laughing worm inside me. I swear i never laughed SO hard before and i was so afraid my sides will burst or something!!!
The afternoon was spent cycling on the double bike with char. Thanks char! You were really good and steady. Hehe. I hate the fact that i can't cycle, or blade, or do anything crazy and adventurous enough. :( We went to the ktv lounge at downtown east later on and even had our room ready but to our horror, the songs there were really outdated. We quickly cooked up some rubbish story to the waitress there
and ran out of the place feeling embarrassed and yet a sense of relief. Watched Wishing Stairs with the people who could stay over at night (eline looked really prettyyy after her date!) and i closed my eyes several times! It can't be helped with the stupid annoying yet really successful sound effects completed with miss adeline ong's hundred and one times grabs at my hand. I seriously thought my hand was going to break! This silly girl even spilled my lemondae all over her shorts lar. ;) But this show is definitely not half as scary as A tale of two sisters which i bravely glued my eyes to the screen!
After checking out today, we headed to charlene's house for vcds, more mahjong, cards and slacking around. Thanks char tonnes for the pizza and chips and most importantly, the place! Could have brought them to my house since pasir ris was so near but there isnt quite much to do at my house. :/ A pity is that wenhooi and i didn't quite get the chance to visit the beach at night! To feel the gentle night breeze refresh our mind, inhale the sweet cooling air and watch the stars twinkle at night. Something i haven't done for a long long time.
All in all, It was great company, mood lifting and precious times worth remembering for this three days two nights.
stardust brushed dreams at 09:20 p.m. Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Class chalet! :)
stardust brushed dreams at 12:21 p.m. Wednesday, November 12, 2003
And the stars embellished the blanket of velvet purple and black, of surrealistic stories and clandestine lives. Each hummed a song of their own. Of mellifluous tunes and words weaving into lyrical beauties.
You'll be so high you'll be flying
But beauty eludes her once more, for time is merely a tool to build up a wall of self-denial. When these tunes start swimming in her mind again, the wall crumbles. And so does her world.
Bittersweet. These dreams, indeed.
stardust brushed dreams at 12:03 a.m. Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Atticus (TKAMB) : Most of the people are nice, when you finally see them.
True. I don't know why, don't ask me why, but i've been trying to change my impression of my CT. Quite effective so far. Perhaps we just need a little more time to accept others' flaws and differences, and to discover the strengths hidden from within.
stardust brushed dreams at 11:15 p.m.
Grandpa kept it in his coat and he showed it once to me
He said," Boy you might not understand, but a long long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I loved your grandma so
We had this crazy plan to meet, and run away together
Get married in the first towm we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter and this is what it said
*If you get there before I do,
don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through,
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down,
Darling wait and see
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you..love, me
I read those words just hours before my grandma passed away
In the doorway of a church where me and grandpa stopped to pray
I know I never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her
His eyes filled up with tears
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you... love, me
Lilian's all time favourite. How sweet. There are like two meanings for the note in two situations. I have a sudden craving for touching and meaningful lyrics. Amazing how emotions can be brought across with a mere few stanzas huh?
A good looking woman with brains, a very interesting person. She has a fast movement and she could not sit still or stand still long. She is able to do many things at the same time and do it fast. If you date her, you will feel like dating many women at the same time. You can not tie her down with the word "Love" because she cares about love but it is not a major factor of her life. You have to be able to adjust yourself to get along with her many different characters.
She is a dreamer and has many dreams. She eager to learn something new all the time. Even she is the 2 in 1 mixed character type, she is quite lucky in love. You have to put all your efforts to win her affection. Even when she
likes you and wonder about your wit, she will also see and inspect your bad side at the same time, because it is in her nature.
She able to keep all kinds of mixed emotions without annoying you or letting you know at all. She can cheer you up by acting like a free little bird. Her
conversation will not bored you. She able to talk to you in any subjects. She can make you feel like you are the luckiest man alive. She can make you feel like she needs all your care, but once she needs to stand alone, she
can stand alone firmly an comfortably.
She can be your best buddy and talk to you about anything. She can join all your activities with the same energy that you have. She is a quick wit person and learn new things very fast. She can see your projects and she can
give you good advice. If she thinks you are not sure that you want her for yourself, she will act like your best friend only, a cool woman.
She can easily make a guy fall in love with her. Her multiple changes and many moods is a "Charm" for many men. She can be laughing for 2 minutes and later suddenly quiet. She wants to find only 1 true love and she wants to
meet her dream guy. She expects a lot and nearly too much. She is constantly waiting for her knight shinning armor even she is with a steady boy friend. She can fall in love or fond of someone else while she is with you. If you
break up with her, she will forget you quite fast, because change is in her nature. The Gemini woman breaks more heart than woman in other Zodiac. Because she is a dreamer and always waiting for her knight shinning armor ,so her love life can be complex or a mess.
She hates to write a long letter, so if you write her a letter and expect a prompt reply, forget it. Because she has a multiple personality and multiple ideas, so she hates to put them down in written proof. Because she knows
what she belief today can be different tomorrow.
She could communication with more than 1 languages , a real gifted linguistic. If she wants to tell you any bad comments, she won't say it straight away, but she will talk to you about many other things and accidentally come to that subject without offending you. Normally she will not lie.
She will work hard and once a while take a long rest. She can get bored and tired with her own surrounding more than at work. She never feel content with her present work, money, or reputations, she will drive to have more.
Don't ask her what is her ultimate contentment for she will not have an answer.
Once you get to know her, she will be a supportive person and always be beside you. She has a beautiful dream and she loves to have someone walk side by side with her, together and equally.
I think the part about change in the nature and mixed emotions is really true! Except the long letter part lar, i can write on and on. :D Though sometimes i do not enjoy having different characters.
Ahh, maybe it’s because sentosa outing and stayover at jessica’s house are postponed. Right?
But it was fun out with boon today nonetheless. (stop making me laugh and bang against the walls) Though I’m feeling quite sick halfway. Gotta go say my prayers. This girl is making me sinful! (inside joke!) :D She's such an angel. She's -finally- buying me and chel something for christmas!
I feel like a living paradox somehow. My distorted, contradicting thoughts seem to be hurled into a mangled heap and before you know it, I’ll be squealing about how this holidays totally rock. But now, guess what, i kind of miss school. Hmmms.
And you know how funny creatures humans are. You may have a strong desire to possess something you don’t have but once you get hold of it, you realize you can do without it. Because we are always wanting what we can't have, aint it? And it’s when you lose something you already have then you realize how important it is. But it’s all too late.
I know how warm it feels to have someone caring for you at your lowest and acknowledging your presence at the very least, and how miserable it feels to be left out. I truly understand because I’ve been in those situations. That’s why it’s so important to pass on people’s care and love for you and touch them the way others have touched you. Coz you know how good it felt. Especially when you’re feeling all out of place and someone comes along and talks to you or tries to add you in. But sadly it seems, for some, they only like to be the recipients. And it’s sad because they’ve been in it but they never help others get out of it.
Sometimes you need to stop and listen to what others have to say too.
Okies dokes, i didn't mean to get so preachy. Sorry for all the rubbish. If anybody is still reading, that is.