xx leaving on a jet plane xx
Saturday, May 7, 2005

i'm suffering from extreme exhaustion now. read on.

surprised boon with a cute tiramisu cake that she gobbled up in no time last night. sorry girl i won't be in singapore for your birthday! we ate at lau ling bar and goodness, the ambience and decor were so classy and lovely you couldnt have thought that the prices were the same as the normal crystal jade branch. view rachel's blog for some pinkish purplish photos! there, i've warned you. had a last minute decision to go walk around mustafa centre at midnight with the girls to join my sister, her boyfriend and his friend. i never knew that centre operates 24/7! while the girls left at 1 am, the four of us shopped for gifts, toiletries, nitty gritty here and there all the way till 5am! now you get my exhaustion. i can't believe and am amazed at the variety there, especially the jewelry. it's crazy!

rom was near changi yacht club. it strangely didnt felt as if my sister was getting married at all. all i can say is i'm really impressed that my dad, seemingly uncouth and rough, actually did a wonderful job at decorating the chalet. the lights, the stilts wrapped in satin cloth and winding roses, the tables and chairs.. whee! i hope i can put up the photos here soon. the night before, my cousin took us to this spot near the changi airport to view planes taking off. i don't know how to put justice to the breath-taking scene we'd experienced right before our eyes, but i can tell you it's nothing like what you normally see at the airport viewing gallery. the humungous airplane hovered right above us and the colourful lights on it made it look so beautiful against the velvet night sky. it was so so close and clear you could see every single part of the plane! simply spectacular!. he drove us around changi's walk of fame too, where he-shes were scantily dressed (and i meant really scantily) and cat-walked around the car park as if their hips were dislocated. some even squated down to scream for more attention. most importantly, they were really explicitly attracting and waiting for customers. as in i knew there were such things going on but to really see them there right before you is another thing altogether. quite an interesting ride.

anyway, thank you meilin so so much for all the help rendered! :)

and sinhui for being there in spirit before my interview! :)

okie folks. i'm heading to my homeland soon (just to please some of you) and won't be back till the 17th. will miss singapore and all the people. ooh, maybe will learn some indian moves and show you all. haa. how cool that boon, chel and i will all be going overseas during this period of time. it'll be sinhui the lucky idiot's turn at the end of may! meanwhile, pls wait for me to come back for badminton and shopping and mahjong and dinners and movies! till then, take care and drop me a note at my guestbook!

basking in your sunset at 11:51 a.m.

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xx xx
Tuesday, May 3, 2005

it hits me so hard in the face that i've been such a selfish idiot. i've been living in my own world, concerned about my own needs and pleasures, of why i can't do this or get that. it's just so easy looking after your own interests and feelings but not others'. it's not just guilt that creeps in, but the utter disgust at yourself and bitter regret in the way i've lived. why can't mistakes be undone and erased?

basking in your sunset at 01:58 a.m.

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xx something in your eyes makes me want to lose myself xx
Monday, May 2, 2005

audio: "feels like home" by chantal kreviazuk

full shift. 10am to 10 pm. last day at starhub customer service centre. i spent the first half of the day running between the toilet and the centre. extremely excruciating cramps and diarrhoea. abandoned aprilyn at the info counter to be busy with the customers. sorry! too bad i didn't meet any irritating customers today or i could have given a shot at shooting at them just like what randy did on his last day. no la. haha i won't. i just stared blankly and turned away from this uncle who was shouting at me. bingboon treated us all to swensens during break! he's transferred to oub centre with effect from tomorrow. poor thing. ashley gave me this really sweet perlini's silver's bracelet! ayu and kelly shared this pretty handbag for me. xuefen and alan treated the temp staff - mainly me, kelly, kellyn, aprilyn and randy for supper at whatever sempang place! it's so surprising thinking those perm staff treat us like pinches of salt when they actually do care a lot. i'm so touched not coz of the presents, but that they do appreciate us and really, the thought that matters! actually i shouldnt be complaining at all. for it's really the people who count and make an impact. tm csc rocks! :)

so yay to alvin (my brother who nv smiles!), ashley, mirah, bb, florence, jessie, sophie, fatimah, krisline, nana, xuefen, ayu, cassandra, chyeheng, siti k, ken, leslie, azzah, nancy, christine. most grateful to the managers who answered a lot of my queries and guided me so much along the way. but most importantly, the temp strength where we built our own lil world in the info circle and injected it with perks of laughters and screechy singing - aprilyn, kelly and randy! :)

no more saying you can upgrade your handset but you have to top up $100 or termination takes three working days and the final bill will be sent to you after wo weeks. no more typing o/s cleared. amt $. R#. shiping@tm csc 01.05.05 to unbar outgoing calls and reactivate suspended lines. wheee, we can all type that at lightning speed already. nahhh, i don't regret quitting. too old to think things this way. i just need a lil time to adjust and reassure myself that this is just a phase i'm leaving and a new one i'm entering. part and parcel of life, that is.

by the way, i succumbed to vicious conformity today. :( sometimes i wish i had a bit more firmness on my stand.

basking in your sunset at 02:01 a.m.

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xx bruised and battered by your words xx
Sunday, May 1, 2005

audio: "almost here" by delta goodrem and brian mcfadden

i think i haven't been a good sister at all. damn it.

i feel childish. i hate feeling so outdated from everybody's lives yet i know it's really impossible to keep up with everybody. ahhh. i just feel very abandoned but this is so redundant. hearing all the happenings that have already happened but i don't happened to be inside the picture. this is getting very immature.

it was hip hop and kick boxing with kellyn today. badminton with san duo junwen and meilin after that. meilin and i decided at the last min to walk around in bishan and we met up with bernard. saw jianbin and janice and so we all settled and chatted at coffee bean. so basically i've been out the entire day and i'm tired. ooh i encountered a funny taxi driver on the way home. he was telling me about the school teams he played against in volleyball tournaments in sec sch and urm road safety. he even demonstrated how this cyclist pointed third finger at him on the road. haha in the end he gave me a twenty cents discount on the cab fare. corny uncle.

after asking what everybody wants to do and hopes to fulfill, i realise i'm not holding the steering wheel and taking control of my life. i'm just aimlessly stepping on the accelerator wheel, accepting whatever comes my way and trying to learn from and get something out of it it. simply because i have no big dreams to talk about, no ambition i want to strive towards to or any drive and passion in anything that shapes the path i'm about to tread onto. what's laying ahead of me, i haven't the slightest inkling.

sigh.

basking in your sunset at 12:49 a.m.

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xx hub bites of the day xx
Saturday, April 30, 2005

audio: "it's all about you" by mcfly

1. there's a customer called mohammed happy! how cute!!

2. a compliment letter from a customer about me was received! ashley printed out the email for me today. i hadnt realise letters like these will be sent to everybody's email accounts. a bit embarrassed actually, coz it was a little exaggerated and i didn't have the impression that i really helped that customer. anyhow, he said he was very impressed with her service and she made that extra mile for a simple customer like me. most importantly, the last line of the email went she made my day!!! yay! i actually made someone's day! :)

3. wan ting and i gave out the personalised hangers we made for all the perm staff today as farewell gifts. they're pretty!

4. siti k and fatimah gave us really lovely bracelets today. i'm so so so touched! sui ching treated me to din tai fung xiao long bao and leslie gave me a pretty sunflower. makes it so hard for me to leave starhub. these people are so sweet.

5. though we had initially walked from starbucks to burger king to kfc to macdonalds trying to find seats, i had a fun supper with xue fen, kelly, randy, wanting and alan at the other kfc. makes it even harder for me to leave.

i know my past entries made me sound like i really hate my job over here. well i thought thinking of the irritating customers would made me happy about my resignation, but leaving those colleagues of mine is another thing altogether. hopefully i won't feel too sad on sunday - my last day of work. will blog about my appreciations then.

basking in your sunset at 02:10 a.m.

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xx i need a soldier xx
Thursday, April 28, 2005

audio: "1 2 step" by ciara

My computer is finally working again!!! :) no more having to minimize explorer windows to teeny weeny sizes for fear of being caught. or not being able to take my time sorting out my thoughts into words and not get interrupted by customers.

i'm so addicted to R&B songs now! just went for hip hop class with rachel at amore's toa payoh branch. you would feel those vibes surging inside you as the music starts to flow and the rush of adrenalin pumps through your veins. of course, we could do with better sense of rhythmn and smoother co-ordination. ugh, i have a stiff body you see. the instructor was totally gay though. he wore a white tank top, pink pants and a fur vest. but one wouldnt have known his sexual preference when watching the way he does hip hop. cool stuff. we went for pilates yesterday at cine and i'm still aching all over now! from the neck to the back to the arms to the abdomen to the legs. i suppose regular lessons can really result in a toned body. the instructor had a perfect one and we were really in awe - the way she effortlessly stretched and held the positions. straight, poised and perfect. well, erm, me? i was struggling so hard i was trembling and rocking my way through. wahahaha quite a hilarious sight actually. basically chel and i are very amused at the way we kept checking the different slots and getting excited over the classes. hardcore for now. but hey, it's a very healthy leisure. well, if you excuse the pizza, pasta and macdonalds we gobbled after lessons. it's kick-boxing tm and i just can't wait! :D

basking in your sunset at 12:17 a.m.

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xx xx
Monday, April 25, 2005

sometimes i'm really cynical about people's politically correct answers. is this how you really feel or just mere fabricated words, a facade that you put on to mask your inner true selfish self? It's scary to realise how much i don't understand you after all.

after working here makes me realise that even though pay is high and job is really slack despite getting scolded by customers occasionally, this is not what i really want. i need something fulfilling and rewarding. that even though at the end of the day, the monetary reward is not substantial, i feel a sense of achivement and satisfaction. something emotionally gratifying that makes me feel proud of myself. so sometimes, i wonder if i've made the right choice for my future.

basking in your sunset at 03:38 p.m.

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xx xx
Saturday, April 23, 2005

yesterday was the materialisation of a brilliantly crafted master plan we managed to whip up within a few minutes. We firstly had this fake surprise to mask our secret smses that jillian had already suspected, which consisted of a pathetic famous amos cookie and a bouquet of gerberas. after all the foodat pizza taglio, giving out of presents, popping over to visit cheng wei and scurrying everywhere to hail a cab, we finally sneaked into jillian's back gate with the help of her sister and surprised her with a cake while she went into the kitchen! yayyy. though we wanted to reach her house before her, it was a shocking but pleasant surprise especially in contrast to last year's. happy birthday girl! :)

i finally went to see a doctor about my very bad sore throat and runny nose. even had a nice little chat with him. don't know why im putting this down but it's really nice to see a casual side of an otherwise solemn face. makes me wonder how cool it'll be when my friends like boon, min and ivy gonna be doctors in the future!

basking in your sunset at 03:01 p.m.

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xx xx
Monday, April 18, 2005

saturday night was spent bbqing with the badminton team at some junior's house. food was pretty good and the juniors looked pretty united! :) they presented this box to us containing notes written by everybody. so sweet! felt so touched especially by what berton and mingjian wrote. :)

played badminton with meilin jun wen and san duo yesterday. we didnt play too badly yesterday! hope we can organise badminton sessions like these every now and then. mr tan i know u're reading this so that you can go to her link right. wahahaha~

basking in your sunset at 05:18 p.m.

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xx xx
Monday, April 18, 2005

i wonder when an average person's memory starts working. i can still vividly recall my resistance towards taking a photograph with my grandma when i was really young. or being asked to stay over at my maternal grandparents' house coz they were old-looking figures who spoke in dialects i couldnt comprehend. yet, sundays were always reserved for visiting them without fail except during examination preparations. when young, i always yearned to have the freedom to choose whether i wanna visit my grandparents on sundays like my sisters. but you see, i'm the youngest. had to follow my mum everywhere. and i hated it. in retrospect, i must have broken my mum's heart when i once asked her why must i always be forced to go when my sisters could simply watch tv at home. somehow, in these recent years, the practice died out. my mum stays over occassionally to take care of them and she doesnt want me along coz i always have sch or work. u cant say im exactly close to them due to the language barrier, but unknowingly i felt this bond with them. i can never forget how they have always doted on me. my grandpa would always specially dish out tonnes and tonnes of snacks when he discovered one day that this pesky little grand daughter of his was always hungry after dinner. as for my grandma, she was the only person who ever gave me pretty lanterns on mooncake festivals and lovely dolls whose eyes shut when they're laid on the floor. or sewed me tiny bolsters and pillows. i once developed a love-hate relationship with her during this period of time when she kept brewing bowls of nauseating oily supposedly nourishing i had to force down my throat. nonetheless, i loved her cooking. my 2nd sis "hates" going grandma's house coz diet plans had to be postponed. but i never tasted dishes whipped up by my grandma anymore. not ever since she suffered a stroke in her brain a year back. not ever since i realised i've grown attached to her cooking. grandma is no longer the wrinkled, kind face who always lit up and smiled at me on sunday visits. grandma's just an old, hunch-back figure who sits in her usual seat, speaking incoherently and smiling and crying whenever she likes but she doesnt have an inkling of what's really happening.

gosh, my grandpa must be heartbroken. what can hurt more than having a loved one who doesnt remember you and look into your eyes the same way anymore.

basking in your sunset at 12:52 p.m.

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