tease me with black humour

Monday, October 7, 2002 09:40 p.m.

it feels like a reeaally looong day today. me and chel struggled painfully through 8 hours of school and seriously, i felt like i gained nothing? we just kept listening to music, and crackin' ourselves up. was dismissed at 3.30 -protests- and decided to go far east for lunch. as we were really tired out by the unfruitful hours spent in school, we even took a cab there. hahas, lazy bums! wells, the chicken chop rice was yummylicious! :D found the nice neoprint machine and decided to take it another time. went home at 6+ and slept at 7.. only to awake at 8+. as usual, i couldnt resist the temptation to watch tv. yes, again, i broke my promise to study today. -slaps- we are always the only 2 left who don't do hw. chel, we gotta change the record! :D wells, gonna catch friends soon!

Saturday, October 5, 2002 09:19 p.m.

went j8, town and suntec today. i feel really bad for not touchin' my hw! wells, finally bought my earrings and took a nice neoprint. erms, though i really detest the astronaut beside us. was really amused by the heels, and came home feeling exhausted. after not going training for around 5 months, my stamina has fallen to the pits. :/ i gotta train again if i wanna join sports in jc! saw that quite cute guy and xu qi from media corp today, and practically no other st nicks girls. hmmms.

get what i meant now? u're always happier that way.

"Her tears were like raindrops, suddenly revealin' the depths of her fragility. A woman's tears are like a rain of silver drumbeats; their special rhythmn is catchin', drummin' on a special part of the onlooker's brain and drivin' her to the verge of tears as well."

Friday, October 4, 2002 10:53 p.m.

sometimes you just feel pathetic but you don't know why. that's how i'm feeling now, indulged in mixed emotions, yet not knowing the reason why. shanghai baby is quite a boring book, but i admire the way the author describes the city. sometimes filled with passion, yet laced with bitterness.

when you lose something, sometimes you can never get it back. all you can do is let reality slap you and carry on with life. see? jay's songs always affect me. hahas.

i'm so invisible you see right through me

"Time's high-speed train whistled and rumbled through the modern tower blocks into the distance. My tears meant nothing. The joys and sorrows of any one person meant nothing, because the train's massive steel wheels never stop spinnin' for anyone. This is the secret that terrifies everyone in the cities in this material age."

as i said, the results i obtained was based on sheer luck and seriously unexpected. i certainly do not deserve it. it's time to end my slackiness and start studying. suddenly, i'm afraid i might do less better for my os. i'm troubled over where to go! eeks. my studying mood flew away in the night, and never came back since. eeks. need i mention the massive heap of homework we have to complete by next week? :/ the school always fails to understand the "carrying capacity" of the students.

i think sleep is really amazing. whenever i feel upset, i drift off to dreamland and abandon my troubles there. images of the impossible are often conjured up, sending your feet off to dance, synchronised with the perfect rhythmn. as you can see, my dreams are often exaggerated fantasies and when i wake up, everything is gone and sometimes i tend to forget the contents. it's like touching a bubble and seeing it vanish in the twinkling of an eye.

how can i sing when my words have run dry

it's 23:43 now, and i'm feeling very lost. discovered some truth i regretted discovering, and had a talk with szuyu on the phone. i'm gettin' tired of myself being so unrealistic even till now, and yet effortlessly fallin' into the hands of the manipulative nature. as i struggle to step out, energy seems to drain from me and i feel weak. time isn't healing and acid just eats into my wounds again.

i don't fancy a1, but this lovely song's been playing in winamp.

sunday mornin', it's time to say goodbye
but i'll be home real soon
though i'm leavin', girl don't start to cry
i'll be thinkin of you, yeah

it's a lonely ride on the midnight train,
i'm countin' down the days 'till i'm home again.

how can i sing when my words have run dry?
how can i smile with a tear in my eye?
summer's so lost when it's raining in June
that's how it feels, when i'm missing you.

now time ain't healin', another week gone by
girl it feels like a year, oh ooh
i've been callin', every day and night,
how I wish you were here, oh yeah

Thursday, October 3, 2002 09:07 p.m.

today really seems long, as i spent most of my time indulged in "sight-seeing" on bus 166 today. yeas, i don't know why but i love to sit on buses that go to interesting places. had to go for my dental appointment, and i rotted at jess' house for a while before that. wells, i had a horrible horrible horrible shock! yes, because of my protruding teeth (thank you very much), i gotta wear the band at home wherever possible. i was superduper freaked out. helo? a band? rights, and it cost me $31.80. that can buy me 31 school orange bowls of noodle and one fish from the potato wedges stall okay! yeps, in the end i couldnt pay for my usual appointment fee as i didnt bring enough, and had to pay the next time.

huihui called me just now and we had a pretty long talk about schools, jcs and how st nicks sucks so much now. she really pity our batch for having to go school for proper lessons, as we really will benefit more if left to our own devices. and the stupid rumour about giving out results in terms of ranking? helo, that's really demoralising, and obviously not motivating. c'mon, spare a thought for other people's feelings. seriously, the school's system is dying. felt really inspired by hui and i tell myself i gonna really study hard from.. tomorrow! yeahs, and i will turn into a real geek, locked up in my room, (erms, with the band) and make full use of my brain! wells, i don't know how many attempts were futile, but this time, i will really try. :/ okays fine fine, maybe i'll start from sunday, since i gonna go out and enjoy myself on saturday. :D

Wednesday, October 2, 2002 10:22 p.m.

was really in for a great shock today. subjects i thought i couldnt depend on, amusingly became the very subjects i gonna use for my L1R5. yeas, gotten a score i'm satisfied with (i'm easily contented), and luck's really on my side. as they always say, you always gain something when you lose something. i reckon that's the irony of life. really gotta thank michelle lim and whoever who marked the ss-britain question for being so lenient with me. my english is bad, so i gotta depend on my higher chinese tm. yeas, i sound weird mans, maybe because i just woke up. oh, thanks sinhui for sharing, you make me feel like it's all worth it. :D

bought my gown with my sis today, and i'm praying very very hard that no one buys it too. it isnt really what i expected to wear, but it's quite pretty anyways. ate at ah meng cafe (yah, weird name huh?) and felt that it's a good place to dine at! yeahs, gonna bring my friends there next time whenever possible. felt so bad my sis paid for the dress, and i was kind of shocked at the way she bought those elizabeth arden cosmetics today. wells, pretty people are always trying to make themselves prettier.

to all those who cried today, cheerios! remember that every time you cry, i'm there mentally, if not physically. even if we seems worlds apart. even if i don't exist in your heart. okays fine, that's weird. my mind is always in a mess whenever i just awake from slumber. pardon me. :/ cheeer up kai, sin, szu, jess, mich and everybody who's feeling sad. apparently, what she said about me is true. don't you think so?

and here's the reason why today's so special..
happy hatchday simin!
yeas, you're sixteen now, catch a NC 16 show with me yah? i havent felt satisfied for being a 16 yet. sorry i couldnt join in today, as i kept changing my outing with my sis. if you don't mind, i'll sing a song for you loudly on 86 kaes! hahas, well, excuse me for a while. :D

Tuesday, October 1, 2002 09:34 p.m.

i finally uploaded my new layout that i did on sunday. today was quite a surprise, as i thought i would never depend on my humanities. feels very sorry for boon about her lit, and the school is really mean! called her and realised she was better already :) heys, don't worry, you did really well for geog! and chel, don't be too upset over your lit! i know how you felt totally, which happened to me for my english. that kind of "gekness", it's just so unbearable rite? wells, it's kind of ironical how we kept skippin' 1 mark questions during exams, yet now even half a mark can determine your grade, your results and the school you are going too. eeeks. by the way, i'm a human, i have feelings, i do not enjoy seeing my friends depressed or crying.

life is so beautiful, but it does not mean one has to smile all the time. well, i don't, but i enjoy life. everybody have wasted life away feeling sad, angry, regretful and so, esp me. now i fully comprehend that one minute of sadness means 60 seconds of happiness deducted from your life. hence, yeahs, i am not gonna be too hard on myself. supposed to feel excited for tm, as my sis' buying my grad stuff with me. been eyeing on this blue skirt and trying to find a white top for like months, but all the frenzy's gonna be over soon. somehow, i lost interest in my graduation. :/

one thing that does not abide by majority's rule is one person's conscience.