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Thursday, January 23, 2003

am happily munching on the chocolates my angel gave me now. haha, i'm easily satisfied and contented by food. :) by the way, went to watch 8 Mile with some classmates today. the show's quite lame, and there wasn't any proper plot. wells, dissings and vulgarities filled the whole film. hee, i just thought the background music was quite cool. i THINK i'm getting sick of the fast pace of life now, and i'm too exhausted to think about anything. there's training tm and my muscle aches don't seem to heal. damn, i'm full of complaints and grumbles. therefore, i shall halt here and give my body a rest. :D

// I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't someone please take me home

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
searching for a face
is there anybody here i know
cause nothing's going right
and everything's a mess
and no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't someone please take me home

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you

oh why is everything so confusing
maybe I'm just out of my mind
yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you

Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you //

all i want for christmas is you 10:18 p.m.

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

i trudged my way home today. each step was a test of my failing strength due to my muscle aches. pe today was a 2.8 km run, which was a big challenge to what's left of my stamina. i went back st nicks with szuyu today. when i first stepped into the canteen, i was seriously overwhelmed by the brightness of the canteen. the ceilings were high, it overlooked the track, the sun rays reached and gently touched the airy and spacious canteen. this is the very place i had watched the most beautiful sunset in my life. i still remember streaks of pink and blue splashed across the sky, while the row of palm trees at the slope completed the picturesque scene. a wave of nostalgia immediately washed over me. the school is definitely a reminiscent of the best moments i had with my friends. standing at the canteen, i could almost picture scenes of me, boon and chel rushing to canteen to queue for our fave fish noodles. the hustle bustle, familiar people walking around in pinafores, complaints and gossips about school filled the whole eating place. all these had unknowingly become a part of our sec sch life. the warmth and friendliness of the school is something nothing can compare. i still remember rolling my eyes away when old girls always come back and talk about how they miss the school blah blah. now i can feel the same sentiments exactly. i finally understand why during exam period, seniors always come in groups and prepare for their exams in the school canteen. if only i could turn back time..

All sorts of vehicles and pedestrians, all their invisible desires and countless secrets, merge with the flow like rapids plunging through a deep gorge. The sun shines down on the street remmed in on both sides by skyscrapers-the mad creations of humans, towering between sky and earth. The petty details of daily life are like dust suspended in the air. They are the monotonous theme of our materialist age. -Shanghai Baby
uh oh, can't exactly remember if i put this in my journ before but, who cares. :/

all i want for christmas is you 09:21 p.m.

Monday, January 20, 2003

weee, just gobbled down two packets of my all-time favourite myojo mee. i think my appetite is returning again. :) by the way, i'm seeing stars floating around! yeahs, i'm really drained after training today. skills training was really slack, but physical training was quite tough. footwork, push-ups, starjumps, all came one after another, pushing us to the limit. hsien fei was really nice and she gave me a bag of chips for my enthusiasm today! :) the sad thing was, i feel no bond at all to the team. nobody want to bathe together and go home after training. nobody ask hey let's eat dinner kind of thing. no wonder soh ai said she didn't quite enjoy herself here. it's mainly because we have snbt for comparison! the people, the spirit, the coaches, and even the hall. they are weaved into a colourful part of my life. :/

today's tutorials were sleep-inducing. my GP teacher is really scarcastic and cynical, in a way you don't even want to try and argue with her. physics teacher was quite lame and funny, while i have LOADs of responsibilities being a chem rep. the chem teacher really shocked me by telling me she already heard of the 3 st nicks girls in 03S69. erms, huh?! okays anyways, my class broke into much laughter throughout the maths tutorial because my maths teacher is SO gayish! gosh, his every action, his every speech. we suspected he's interested in zherui since he called him twice. LOL.

STJ [Seniors Treat Juniors]

yesterday was STJ. shi zi lu kou was cancelled due to the weather conditions in the afternoon. :/ still, we went to play pool and spent the afternoon there. it was quite fun, plus i'm SOOOOO impressed by kelvin's pool skills! he took up the challenge against 8 of us [the girls] and goodness, he only used one hand. erms, and he won. -hides face- hee. furthermore, he didn't put in much effort. [or so he claimed] met the senior girls and we went off to dinner at kenny rogers. dinner was quite fun and after a good filling meal, we found our way to the esplanade. on the way there, me, sinhui and bernard kept thinking of our ice rhymes and were totally cracked up! come eat our 69 ice. it's really very nice. it's better than pies, there ain't no flies. eat our ice, you won't get lice. there's many cute guys, if you believe in Christ, eat our 69 ice! hee. sadly, the stars were hidden by the clouds. as i look up into the sky, i was reminded of the times i used to stargaze with szuyu and jessica. ohh, i love looking at the stars, though not wishing upon any. i no longer believe in wishes. they're just something people use to create false hope and perhaps, make themselves feel better? :/

life's littered with ironies. you see people critising others while actually, they are the ones who's full of weaknesses. try finding something all over singapore urgently and it's normally everywhere after you don't need it anymore. you don't cherish something when it's still there and by the time you lose it, it's too late for regrets. we are always sighing and regreting, while life's too short for things like these. haha rights, i don't know what i'm talking about again. wells, just another day where i'm free to express my silly lil thoughts.

all i want for christmas is you 10:24 p.m.

Saturday, January 18, 2003

it took me long enough to realise it's raining. i love rain at night, yet tonight is different. the usual pitter patter, conjuring up images and fantasies, always leaves me in deep reverie. yet now, i'm feeling uneasy and strange. it's funny how i use to ramble on and on about everything under the sun, yet i'm now reduced to a quiet freak who can't churn out any words. the angst inside me seems to cease. but when something bad seeps its way through your heart, it's hard to flick it away with a wave of rejection.

all i want for christmas is you 11:44 p.m.

Saturday, January 18, 2003

// I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
it's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me //

all i want for christmas is you 09:18 p.m.

Saturday, January 18, 2003

i woke up this morning to realise my whole body is aching. gosh, how did i even survive the day. went sajc to meet szuyu before setting off to ikea for lunch. went holland v and town after that, and the body aches were weighing us down today. okays, i think i sound really weird because i'm trying to supress my fury from within. i'm not supposed to turn all fucked up and angry of these issues bothering me since stone age but i can't help it. i hate the way the day has to end like this. it seems as though the whole day had been a bad one.

inflamed tears trickled down her cheeks
she's weary of this world, it's been sick
acid seeps into her soul
as emptiness and threats and lies unfold
shattered. crumbled. broken. bitter.
continue to tease her with black humour
where's her promised paradise, her hope and faith?
all vanished like a bubble. fade away.
the dreams are gone, but the truth remains.

all i want for christmas is you 08:57 p.m.

Saturday, January 18, 2003

Fool not, to Shiping, who knows it all. :) hahas my angel is acting silly again. it's alright, i'll continue to feign ignorance. whee! it's 1 am in the morning and i'm actually still up. the night is young, and i'm still happily munching on my supper. :D i'm enjoying the serenity of the night and the brilliance of the dotted velvet sky. i think i'll drift away from this funny strange world for a while.

all i want for christmas is you 01:07 a.m.

Friday, January 17, 2003

i find myself sinking into deep slumber as i type this entry. i am extremely e x h a u s t e d. went for badminton try outs today and i conveniently stayed back for the training. whoa, the fac head's in badminton! by the way, meina and hsien fei are very nice and friendly seniors, phew. that's to make up for the teacher's part at least. training here as compared to st nicks' is really slack, yet i find myself breathless and panting away. yes, i was sent flying across the court loads of times for the almost bald shuttlecocks. despite my failing stamina, i'm all set and ready to embrace trainings!

today was quite a bore. the whole class decided to skip the IT thing together and act like we didn't know about it. some went home, some watched movie while me and sinhui roamed around town doing absolutely nothing. dropped by at cellar door deli to visit soh ai for a while and she treated us to yummilicious choco delight! :D my silly corny angel made a failed attempt to confuse me by msging me using different numbers. i acted like i knew who he is, but actually, i have zero idea about his identity. muahaha. there are times when you gotta save your pride you see. :D

all i want for christmas is you 10:38 p.m.

Thursday, January 16, 2003

i just realised my previous entries were laced with much excitement. :) suddenly, i discover this weariness in me. day by day, i feel energy drain out of me. the holidays had reduced me to a heap of lazy bones, without much brain cells left. tm's supposedly my last slack day, with only physics lecture to bear. i sound melancholic today, and i'm struggling hard to express my emotions. boos. chinese cultural was a torture today. i thought i was safely hibernating away, happily immersed in my wonderland when the funny looking teacher tapped on my table rudely. tell me how am i gonna survive the next week, the week after, all filled with oh-so-terrifying tutorials and lectures! horror horror, swimming delight. i gonna have a whole term of swimming sessions for pe! -runs away- oh yes, thank God i belong to 69 and Faith, the best classes ever. i CANNOT imagine myself standing amidst a weird crowd, absorbing the geeky scary atmosphere.

i feel that the night's been really cold today. i could almost taste the bitterness on my tongue. oh yes, i wrote this some time ago while listening to jay.

Nostalgia laced with bitterness inflamed in my heart
As saccharine songs linger in my dreams
The night sky embraced all with its dotted stars
Evoking a sense of serenity

The melody flows gently with the beads
Both trickle and glisten among the night colours
Shanghai 1943, with its tear-evoking tune
Slowly dissolve in the midst of reminiscence

Jaded fingers reach out
Another attempt to dig through the sands of time
Digging for treasure boxes of bittersweet memories
Alas, all is but a fleeting dream

The endless sky, with its everlasting dreams
Arch angel, touch upon me the magical power
The strength to fill up Emptiness
Before his voice fades away

all i want for christmas is you 10:13 p.m.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

whoa, whoa. had always been coming online everyday yet i'm too busy to even sleep nowadays. i had pretty much fun with my class these few days. i practically slept, smsed and stoned my way through lectures. hee, think my class is the noisiest class around and we kept passing sweets around. i so do not understand what the hell the teachers are rambling about, especially maths and econs. lectures are so hard to bear that me and sinhui kept sneaking out for a while. boos. accompanied sinhui for her tennis try outs today before going town to meet huihui. on the bus to town, this guy behind us kept saying fuck so loudly for everybody to hear. he says it every er, half a sentence?! i was very tempted to turn back and give him a slap. hahas. oh yeah, saw virn and yeeon! -waves- i'm very troubled over my cca! wanted to join badminton but everybody seem to warn me about the teacher cum coach. was so disappointed the softball team ain't recruiting any more members! arghs. this week is pretty relaxing coz we don't have our tutorials yet, and we erms have more free periods than lessons?! whoa, yay, looking forward to going out with szuyu this saturday and junior-senior class gathering this sunday. i THINK it gonna be fun! okays, seriously, i lost the ability to blog. nor can i recall all that has happened these few days. i am drained of all energy! my stamina really SUCKS after not training for erms nearly 8 months? need i mention i'm in the team for cross country? -faints- oh goodness, and i just realised my layout is still on christmas.. oh yes, went hmv on sunday and i saw utt! hahas, sun ho's really short by the way. i miss st nicks, esp sec 4 faith and snbt much much! :/ oh, and orange bowl. DUH.

Et3rNi7y: heys! who are you? yeah hc orientation kind of rawked and i'm so sad lessons are starting. :(

// Something ugly this way comes
Through my fingers sliding inside
All these blessings all these burns
I'm Godless underneath your cover
Search for pleasure search for pain
In this world now i am undying
And From the flame, my nation helpless

Black black heart
Why would you offer more
Why would you make it easier on me, to satisfy
I'm on fire
Im rotting to the core
I'm eating all your kings and queens
All your sex and your diamonds

As i begin to lose my grip
On these realities your sending
Taste your mind and taste your sex
I'm naked underneath your cover
Covers lie and we will bend and borrow
With the coming sign
The tide will take the sea will rise and time will (rap)

Black black heart
Why would you offer more
Why would you make it easier on me, to satisfy
I'm on fire
I'm rotting to the core
I'm eating all your kings and queens
All your sex and your diamonds

Black black heart
Why would you offer more
Why would you make it easier on me, to satisfy
I'm on fire
I'm rotting to the core
I'm eating all your kings and queens
All your sex and your diamonds //

all i want for christmas is you 09:19 p.m.

Saturday, January 11, 2003

no i'm not dead yet! i have so much things about my life to update about. firstly, i've been real busy about hc orientation and i've been coming home around 9 plus 10pm for the past few days. what can i say? I LOVE HC ORIENTATION! just a few days of orientation had changed my initial impression of hwa chong, totally. it was a whole wave of fun-filled activities with much laughter, mud, starch :/ and sun.

firstly, we had telematches on tuesday. wells, telematches that we could never participate in st nicks because it's too dirty! we crawled under tables at the field where the trails are filled with starch, rolled over each other and it was certainly a sight! nobody got away looking clean and smart, i must say. for the past 4 days, we've been practising our mass dances. unfortunately, i do not possess the essence of a dancer in me. but i actually danced with horse for a while coz he was demonstrating! -melts- i was so elated, overjoyed, every happy words you can think of. :D he was such a nice chap, and everybody could testify to that. we also had several cheer and song sessions where the songs were quite nice, though i didn't pay much attention to them. did i mention i think our school song's weird? when i first heard it, i was giggling away uncontrollably, as usual. anyways, we also had games like scavanger hunt and amazing race. my ct was first in amazing race! we had real detours and pit stops, and of course, corny obstacles we had to encounter. thursday was the Wargames, which was quite a corny game. S2, S3 and Arts formed a Trident [due to their size], while S6 and S7 were on their own. by the way, my ct is S69, what a funky number. hahas. anyways, back to the game, the field was divided into three parts. all 3 faculties had their own island as well as a boundary where other members could not cross. the main aim of the game is to throw as many water bombs as we could to other facs' island. at the warline, councellors were stationed to throw starch at people as they cross the allowed boundary. it was really a sight seeing everybody running across the field, water bombs thrown high into the air and screams that came along with a splash of starch. wells, s6 won! -beams- i love our fac head, small yet dynamic and EXTREMELY funny! i laughed like mad coz he's so corny, always making us laugh yet earning respect and admiration he most deserved.

we had our talentime auditions for campfire yesterday just before dinner. everybody's items were quite funny and lame, esp s61! pronounce s61 in chinese and it sounded like S-H-E. so 3 guys acted as SHE and they were like introducing themselves as Selina, Hebe and Ella in a damnit funny gayish bimbotic voices. each fac has to choose one best ct performance to perform during the campfire. i just didn't understand why almost every class used the tv show den advertisement idea. almost everybody used the ikea, nike, heineken and carlsberg idea, and the unbeatables! after the auditions, i couldn't help but admire all the j1s, yes, ALL. i had said that they were all so smart and some nerdy looking yet ALL were really involved and totally not embarrassed to do some highly amusing actions on stage. it suddenly occurs to me that the Hwa Chongnians are all so full of zest and enthusiasm.

campfire night was most memorable, instantly instilling the Hwa Chong spirit in me. we firstly had some stupid games like choosing representatives from each fac to go up and compete. one contest was having the girls use a bottle of gel and style the guys' hair. nearly everybody used beckham's hair, but of course. :) then the faculty heads dressed up as kungfu, wushu and olden days martial arts fighters, all hidden in the crowd. one was from the sun and moon sect, the other a heroine. i remembered S7 fac head as the leader of the famous Beggar sect, and our dear fac head was the all formidable monk! hahahahas everybody were so hyped up waiting for him to appear. i loved that part. talentime was highly entertaining, esp S7, though they were disqualified due to the inappropriate nature, according to the teacher. their theme was ketchup. okays they had several ketchup advertisements. in the carlsberg one, they took out ketchup bottles instead of the beer. at the finale, the guys er took out their clothes and started dancing, splashing ketchup on their bodies, not to mention LICKING it. that's why i've said everybody's so enthusiastic, and i take back the words i've said about most guys being nerdy and sian! wells, it was a gross scene though, and they called it an orgasmic experience in the advertisement. -hides-

the central plaza was indeed a very suitable spot for gathering of the whole school cohort. the orientation video was played, and i did not see myself inside. -phew- the video was REALLY REALLY good, and the effects were great. there were lots of cheers and laughter coming from us. and oh yes, the campfire part! there was a star hanging against the building and strings/wire/whatever were also stretched across the campfire area. little balls of sparkles flew across, forming a pseudo meteor rain sight. the big star was lit up, causing a giantic outburst of flames. there were loads of black smoke though, and i bet the wall will be black. anyways, the star were slowly dropped and ignited the campfire. whoa, i savoured every bit of that magnificent scene. the song session came and instantly, everybody put their shoulders around their neighbours and we started swaying, dancing and singing the songs on top of our lungs. the songs are really those kind you'll cry on grad night, or probably heart aching nostalgia, with scenes of your school life flashing in your mind when you hear them. whoa. mass dance session soon came and everybody were really hyped up and high at that moment. i was really sad when the campfire was over and everybody started forming trains and ran around the central plaza. what a most crazy night! the campfire could jolly well surpass the sports trip campfire i had at kota tinggi last year, just that this time, i could not enjoy the night with all my st nicks friends.

within my senior class and mine, we had this angel mortal thingy, which is similiar to the buddy system we had in snbt. it's just a pity it isnt like a family system like snbt, where mostly everybody are related to one another. i think i've said before, that i love my senior class! i think we had the most enthu senior class. while everybody had gone home, we stayed over at chinese high bandroom. my senior class REALLY reminds me of the snbt grand seniors last time. by the way, we played pool, mahjong, cards, all the usual stuff we did during chalets. oh yah, ALL the guys in my class play pool. whoa, talk about funky baby. came home this morning at around 9 and i slept almost immediately till 6 pm. whoa. lessons are starting next week, and i'm really dreading them. people are telling me the lessons are boring, besides, i get bored and sleepy easily. my brain had been rusty after a whole long break, and i can't imagine having to listen in class! oh dear...

this is a really long entry, and i shall stop here to go write to my angel and mortals! :D till then, i miss all my st nicks friends.

all i want for christmas is you 09:36 p.m.

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