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Monday, September 30, 2002 08:46 p.m.
[ today was horrendous for the first part, as i got back my much dreaded papers. people around me kept complaining loudly that they only got 68 for physics and things like that. wth la. please, stop insisting i don't need to worry about my results for goodness' sake! anyways, michelle lim and mr gan were damn corny [as usual] and i got kind of cracked up at some stuff mrs tien said. i've got 12 commas before conjunction can! -hides-
after school was really fun. i went to pao pao cha with pris simin and yixin. yixin got really bloated, while simin just penged at me and pris as we kept giggling among ourselves while we were playing bridge. we stayed there and played cards for around 3 hours?! hehs, it was really fun. i got so hysterical playing speed with pris, as we just kept shouting "wait! wait!" and our hands got all jittery and frantic. i seriously think it's such an entertaining commotion. :/
i guess most people are studying tonight, but i decided to allow myself more break! erms, hee. am looking forward to this saturday with much anticipation! going out, hopefully eatin' pastamania and takin' neoprint. wells, i almost forgot there's o levels. :D jingfang told me there really isn't any course for chem and geog, and i should try to secure a place in vj by enterin' the arts course first. she had to add that she love the school, which makes me think twice about hc! uhs, that's double sadness. i really want to study chem and geog, and i can never go vj for prelims. :( wells, all the luck fer your promos! ]
a bank of clouds from the enchanted forests
finally have the time to really surf and read stuff online. been just updating my journ and chattin'. mmms, really don't know what to say. just that at a point like this, i don't wanna lose any friendship i treasure! i think there's some misunderstanding, but it's difficult to resolve. i guess, maybe everything will just turn alright in the end. shui dao qu cheng. hehs! yeas. chomping on my doughnut now, yumyum. this is a totally crappy and boring entry as today is an extremely boring day. so there.
"the lights, the tree shadows and people meandering among them, all drifted peacefully among the night colors. an atmosphere, light-hearted and unique hung over the city. i absorb that atmosphere, as if it was a magic potion of jade and rubies." Sunday, September 29, 2002 02:57 p.m.
[ it was just a relaxing afternoon, with the rain pitter-patting on the panes. me and my sister were comfortably sitting on the sofa, watching the television and enjoying the cool weather. commercial came, and i decided to take a look at the luohan fish and the tiny-puny fish that eats on the dirty stuff in the tank. i watched in numbed horror as a ripped apart fish body floated lifelessly in front of my eyes. [yah, the small one died...in a tragic way. imagine one day you come back as a ghost and you can't find your head.] the worse thing was, i think i saw the inside, which was erms, hollow, and the edges showed obvious signs of a bite. ahhhH! immediately told my sister and being the cowardy cats in the family, we both refused to take a second look. my sis called my dad to report the loss of his beloved fish, while i just kept starin' at the grosteque scene from afar. a fish-like object sticking on to the sofa suddenly caught my eye, and i shrieked hysterically! my sis, though a 21 yr old woman, screamed after me like nobody's business. "what, what?" "oh, it's just a thread on the sofa" and we just burst out laughing. horrible horrible! i think i need to overcome my repugnance in a few days, and nope, no fish for me on the dining table! especially those cut into half. ahhh!
you know what? you seriously evoke so much pity in me. awwww.
think the mtv that sin sent me is really good, especially the low voice and dance part. hehs, i'll learn da lyrics and show we both can do it! :D well, though it's ultra fast mans :/ ]
[.. hold up hold on
don't be scared
you'll never change what's been and gone
may your smile (may your smile)
shine on (shine on)
don't be scared (don't be scared)
your destiny may keep you warm
cos all of the stars are fading away
just try not to worry
you'll see them some day
take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out ..]
Saturday, September 28, 2002 09:03 p.m.
[ just came back from town. am truuly exhausted as i've been out the whole day ever since i woke up! went ikea and hehs, jess spent around 40 bucks there but the items she bought are really cute. we practically left our footprints in every part of ikea! hehs, we were really in love with the beeg lovely rug and ultra soft pillow, but we've got no money. :/ then we went queensway and i was supposed to see lotsa things i fancy, yet the trip there really disappointed me! :( yeps, i found nothing there. then we carried 2 reeaally bulky bags and one beeeg cardboard to the bus. i supposed the guy opposite us was tryin' not to laugh at our pathetic state. hee, she and her ikea! went her house to put all the stuff down, then head towards town. still didn't buy anything at far east, guess town's too boring. sadly, we decided not to take neoprint at seeing the ultra loong queue. saturdays are just so crowded. then went swensens! and ate chiken baked rice. hehe, i took home a tub of mocha almond fudge ice-cream, and it was free as my sister had some voucher thingie. they didn't have sticky chewy chocolate! :( was so afraid that it might melt after one hour long ride and surprisingly, it didnt at all. they had added dry ice to the silver-walled packaging.
the irony in life is when you criticise so much about someone, yet you didnt realise you are criticising yourself at the same time. what more can i say?
just came online to add an entry and wanted to leave now to eat my ice-cream. ehhs. ] Friday, September 27, 2002 07:26 p.m.
[ today was a pretty fucked up day, so much that i can't believe it. people who made me upset didnt realise it, while people who didn't upset me upset me further. i couldnt believe my own ears at the things you said about me, and you failed to realise they are your own flaws too. i was pretty disappointed at seeing you this way, thinkin' of the times you had made me smile by being the sweet nice you. suddenly, everything seems to be a facade. you didnt used to be like that, and it seems to you like i'm the only one who talks to them? we share friends, we don't keep them under our wings and claim protection. i'm learning to be not too hard on myself, so why arent you, too? was pretty comforted by a bunch of friends, and their presence was enough to stop the tears from flowing. after how you guys behaved, i guess it isn't wise to reveal your names here? nahs, i'm not cryin' over her, perhaps because i'm not affected enough? thanks, if you ever see this, but it's just hard to tell you guys what happened. this is simply because i don't want to be accused of attracting attention, tryin' to snatch people away or bothering' you with my stupidity. your hug consoled me a lot, remember my reaction? i was really not doing what you guys thought i was doing at the toilet, just stonin' around. hee. i was doing what you guys thought i was doing at the toilet near the drama studio after the nj talk. i stayed there for.. a very long time. you all made me feel like myself again, but it's just so hard to approach you all nowadays [if you get what i mean]. i just couldnt believe that until now, such things still bother me. yups, and now i'm trying to convince myself i don't have a fucked up life, as compared to other people living in the rest of the world. some people suffer from humiliation, pain and fear everyday, my pain is simply insignificant among them. watchin' ren fu and shan wei being lame, listenin' to music and ventin' it out on my journal already make me feel good. i just cant stay being sad for too long i guess. :)
you called me dao but you didnt realise i was being dao after i felt that way. do you ever stop to think that it also depends on you to make the friendship worthwhile? it seems as though we've never been good friends. hey, i'm seriously tired.
for those who haven't, isn't it time to start caring about how other people feel?
uhhs, darn. i hate gloomy entries, and haven't had one in my journ for a long time. i just hope tm's shoppin' spree will cheer me up! it's kind of freaky how i can sense "danger" in the future. for example, if i was pondering too long over whether i should go to school today, something bad will happen. yesterday, i took a long time to decide if i should pour the curry into the sink or dustbin. chose the sink, and i clogged it up badly! fine, that's quite a lame example. so i guess if i decide too long, something bad will happen? ]
"all sorts of vehicles and pedestrians, all their invisible desires and countless secrets, merge with the flow like rapids plungin' through a deep gorge. the sun shines down on the streeet remmed in on both sides by skyscrapers- the mad creations of humans- towerin' between sky and earth. the petty details of daily life are like dust suspended in the air. they are the monotonous theme of our materialist age."
Wednesday, September 25, 2002 09:51 p.m.
[ finally got my purple top through mail! yay! -dances around in joy- today's too bored to be true. i thought i would pon tm as the jcs are coming to talk today. but, uh-uh, it's the opposite! so damnit, gotta come school for both days. eeks. i wonder if anybody started studying already? that's really freaky as we just finished our prelims? although the os are coming, but we should allow ourself to catch some breath mans. yeas, so excited for the after-exams activities. gonna eat swensens with sinhui tm [yummilicious!], mahjong session with sha min pris boon [chel?] on friday and the long-awaited outing with jess on saturday! hope me chel and boon going for the esplanade at night some day. been looking forward to seeing the whole place with my own eyes, think it'll look magnificent and beautiful. there is like a live jazz bar, lovely waterfront and library equipped with many audio-visual materials. i can gaze at the stars all night long! lately i've been having contrasting feelings, one minute i'll feel so elated, the other i'll feel so upset with everything. after-exam syndrome maybe? well, me and boon are gettin' real amused by chel's behaviour nowadays. :D
in case you havent realise, we havent been talking for days? no, we didnt even quarrel or something, and it's really true when i said we'll never talk unless i start it first. it really goes to show how lil you care about this friendship, or should i say u were just merely entertaining me last time? i feel like it's such a one-sided thing. but after all, you don't really care, do you? or perhaps you didnt even know this is going out to you. hahas, what black humour.
okays fine fine call me over-sensitive or whatever. :) i feel like what she says is really true. one finds so many faults in others, and yet many can't see the faults reflected in their own mirrors. maybe one should try to understand how people feels when she/he treats them the way she/he does. perhaps if you can try to see the world from a lighter note, everything's nicer? and okays, when i feel upset or something, i do try to tell myself not to think too much and people are really not to blamed for it. i don't just get upset and brood over it okays? i'm no longer the me last year, yeas. i'm hungry! ]
Tuesday, September 24, 2002 10:23 p.m.
[ mmms, truly exhausted today. finished my last two papers and went out after that with boon chel pris min sha and took neoprints! hehs, we were like silly girls obsessed over corny stuff. it's quite well-taken, ahh, i look sucky in them though. can't blame me, i'm born like that! hehs, there wasnt pretty much things to do in town. we finally found boon's long-lost gown! tried mine again, but i guess i'll just have to admit looking like a stick in any outfit. at topshop, we found this reeaally prreetty girl who looks like a model. reeaally..pretty. :) went around amk central after that to look for sunflower seeds for my sis with pris and it was an hilarious experience. we spent like half an hour in there trying to find, not to mention we accidentally pushed the sushi stall? hee, and she had a "outburst" or something, kept burst out laughing. hahas. walking around totally tire me out, and i feel like it's been a looog day. i wish there isnt school tm?! wanna pon but i'm sure sng will call my house again. urghs. yeas, sounds like a totally boring day huhs? there's so many things i wanna buy, but due to financial constraints, i decide to save up before going out with jess! my, she's really fanatic over her ikea items. :/ hee. and the restless show on tv is kind of freakin' me out. yeahs. mmms. -yawns- BORED!] Sunday, September 22, 2002 05:44 p.m.
[ so here's me sittin' in front of the computer, not touching any of the 8 chinese books restin' on the table yet. i'm surrounded by thousands pieces of used tissue paper in my desperate attempt to stop my runny nose. been suffering from a blocked nose for the past few nights, and i'm highly irrritated. hmphs. a few more nights and i'm gonna cut my nose off. did i mention i finally watched default's mtv at jess' house? mmms, the lead's cute in there. hee. okays, i just decided that i'm not gonna learn sec 1 and 2 books.. because that's almost equals to crammin' 2400 chinese words into your head, and what? only 10 will come out?! ]
[.. where i can run, just as fast as i can
to the middle of nowhere
to the middle of my frustrated fears
and i swear, you're just like a pill
instead of making me better
you keep making me ill
you keep making me ill ..]
Saturday, September 21, 2002 11:35 p.m.
[ went jess' house today and watched 5 hours of tv! hehs, and never touched any books. that's just.. so typical of us, that's all i can say. :D watched nightmare before christmas and feel like it's such a corny, morbid, gross and humourous show?! and the lyrics were really damn good. then watched lots lots of mtvs, and michael jackson's earth song made us so sad! :/ so i have 2 days to study 8 books of chinese and.. whole of emaths. sucks!
anyways, i just realise it isnt too good to be too nice to somebody coz you never know what you'll get from them.
allow me to use my blood to piece back the fragments of your broken heart
did we allow too much pride to get in our way?
uuhs, whatever. not supposed to care anyways. oh, i like red hot chili pepper's by the way, silverchair's the greatest view and coldplay's in my place! ]
[.. in my place in my place
the lines that i can change
i was lost, oh yeah
and i was lost i was lost
crossed lines i shouldn't have crossed
i was lost, oh yeah
how long must you wait for him?
yeah, how long must you pay for him?
how long must you wait for him?
for him?
i was scared i was scared
tired and underprepared
if you go, if you go
and leave me down here on my own
then i'll wait for you
i said please, please
come on and sing to me
Come on and sing it out ..]
Friday, September 20, 2002 02:19 p.m.
[ rejoice, rejoice! prelims is over! well.. as it seems to me, though there's still hcl and maths. yesterday and today's papers are major killers, in a way i'm too exhausted to brood over. it's almost becoming a routine coming home after exams, then give in to murderous slumber. then i'll wake up at 7+, feelin' guilty but aint nothing i can do about. hehs! well anyways, for yesterday, happy birthday to minzie lin -winkxwinkx-, my sister, pris' sister, yixin, whoever else's brother, father or mother. :)
was embarked on a killing-the-huuuge-cockroach mission this morning, and my room still reeks of baygon [the best insectokiller in the world]. was looking at the wrigglin' n squrimin' insect with much abhorrence, urghs! killin' was easy, but i'll never pick it up with tissue or something. i hate cockroaches, snakes and crocodiles. -growls-
i guess it's really unbearable inside, to keep up with the happy front and try not botherin' all those around you. feels like a bottle of squished prunes! [okaes not makin' sense..] guess people come, people go, but nobody's stayin' long enough. and some are just too distant from you, and nobody's makin' that extra effort to make everything come back. hmms. :/
did i ever mention i really love darren hayes' voice? mmms, used to be a beeg fan of savage garden in p6. i would blast his songs on the radio, sit in front of it and close my eyes, enjoying the sweet caress of his voice. i would isolate myself from the world for a moment, and feel my soul being healed. sounds bit exaggerating huhs? but.. it's a really heartfelt thing. okaes, i just realise today's entry does not make sense at all! ] baby don't you break my heart slow
[ ahhh, couldnt help but cried when i watched Ally Mcbeal season finale just now. it's the end!! Billy, to me, always seems to possess the ability of making everything on a sadder tone. jolts of nostalgia was aroused in me when they showed everybody outside the pub. really miss the old crew, even with ling and of course, Billy around. think Ally is still the sweetest with Billy? [i almost typed Silly] and i remembered tearin' when billy died. hehs. today, john is no longer portrayed as the usual corny him, but him gettin older and sadder i guess? awwww. i hate changes. i hate it when they end shows on a sad note. ahhh i'll miss Ally Mcbeal. -sniffs- in the midst of sadness, i was super cracked up by the priest. hehs! if you don't watch ally mcbeal, sorry, this sounds like rubbish! in a super literature mood today, and questions like how did the writer instill sadness and give evidences of how friendship is displayed suddenly float around my mind. what the hell! eeks, it's really the end. and i wish it isnt friends' final season too. so here's two of my fave songs from Ally. ]
[.. i like the way u wanted me
every night for so long baby
i like the way u needed me
every time things got rocky
i was believing in u
am i mistaken do u say,
do u say what u mean
i want our love to last forever
but i'd rather u be mean than love and lie
i'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
i'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
but baby don't u break my heart slow
i like the way u'd hold me
every night for so long baby
and i like the way u'd say my name
in the middle of the night
while u were sleeping
u would run around and lead me on forever
while i wait at home thinking that we're together
i wanted our love to last forever ..]
[.. here's a photo i've been looking for
it's a picture of the boy next door
and i loved him more than words could say
never knew it 'til he moved away
faded pictures in my scrapbook
just thought i'd take one more look
and recall when we were all
in the neighborhood
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
here's a photo of the neighborhood
here's the corner where we stood
here's a snapshot of dad's old car
never got us very far
faded pictures in my scrapbook
just thought I'd take one more look
and recall when we were all
in the neighborhood
and all those friends
where did they go, i don't know
all those friends we used to know
in the neighborhood..]
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 08:50 p.m.
[ the sweetness of the dream still lingers in my mind, but a dream is a dream. :/ i'm now engulfed in a sea of numbers, equations and tables. boo. anticipatin the end of prelims with much excitement, yet fear that i'll play too much! hee, i screwed up too many papers. i think u never did and never will understand how bad i messed up my papers. go on with your discussions, and only know how i feel when u screw up your own papers. but seriously, at the rate you're going, perhaps you'll never do badly for any paper? please, you will never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. sounds amusing since it's from tkamb, but it's true. c'mon, learn someting from it. ] Sunday, September 15, 2002 01:46 p.m.
[ think i cannot handle too many holidays, i'll just slack my days away. anyways, changed colour since they said many people used pink. :) fine, i know this sucked too but wth lah. hahas, so here's the plan. me and jess gonna go ikea, queensway and swim our days away! :) hehe, quite excited fer prelims to be over. heard this song on tv by elva yesterday, and the lyrics reeally sad and appeals to me. but, guess i forgot most of it. it goes like ai ni na me duo, suo yi na me tong. sher excitedly told me that jay's concert's in january, and wont clash with our os. and his next album will be out next august or around there? hehs corny girl. till then, i'll be waiting! ]
[.. look at the stars,
look how they shine for you,
and everything you do,
yeah, they were all yellow.
i came along,
i wrote a song for you,
and all the things you do,
and it was called "Yellow."
so then I took my turn,
oh what a thing to have done,
and it was all yellow
your skin
oh yeah, your skin and bones,
turn into something beautiful,
you know, you know I love you so,
you know I love you so.
i swam across
i jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
coz you were all yellow
i drew a line
i drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow
your skin
oh yeah, your skin and bones,
turn into something beautiful,
and you know for you
i'd bleed myself dry for you
i'd bleed myself dry ..]
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