Sunday, February 22, 2004 / 01:41 p.m.
COZ SHE'S SO HIGH ABOVE ME
listening to: "She's So High" by Kurt Nilsen
feeling: grooved
I can't exactly remember how did i manage to stay around acjc's fun-o-rama yesterday for a few hours but it was pretty fun in the company of boon, pris and chel who left early! Bumped into a lot of familiar faces there and we tried the haunted house! (thanks shan for letting us cut the extremely long queue :D) We were led to to the second door to wait and when the first door closed on us into complete darkness, boon and pris got me so hyped up we started screaming and squealing like silly bimbos! Haha, just trying to make everything more exciting you see. The bunch of guys who were in our group were so.. amused and freaked out at the same time. The supposedly scary trail inside was really dumb but we kept screaming HAHAHA..! Some hand grabbed my ankle and its very sweaty! :( The haunted house was ten bucks (but we got some discount from the nice ticket man :D) but it's not worth it if we hadnt created suspense for ourselves! *hides face* Hehe. But the scariest part of the day was nonetheless in the company of my dear bimbo boonie. We were walking along this crowded area when this guy covered in the famous Scream outfit and mask walked past us. I was like Whoa and when boon turned to her left and faced the ghastly figure in broad daylight, she let out a piercing scream that could jolly well be more frightening than the figure! She ran away while i was left in the middle of the surprised crowd, trying to wear my slipper that got stepped and frantically looking for her! HOW EMBARRASSING! Hahahaha.. :D Got a rose from pris' friend (thanks!) and i gave it to this extremely sweet and pretty girl on the mrt who looked half chinese half malay/indian. She told me in her utmost cute voice I like your rose and i willingly gave it to her!. Her radiant smile was enough to make a heart melt! Got off the train earlier than boon and she managed to find out that the little girl's name is shasha (what an apt name for a pretty lil thing!) and she loves pink and white! Whee, i'll die to have a sister/daughter like her. :)
Dramafeste was alright. Eng Xiang was really cool. I was just quite disappointed at the way S6 died down especially after haojie, who was so dynamic and mighty, brought the fac to such high levels last year. Which means the juniors will never get to see how energetic S6 was. Oh yes, i'm insinuating something. Go read between the lines. Anyway the LT was so cold that my fingers went numb and i was literally shivering! Felt sick for a while *eeps*. Special mentioning to ivy for showering concern over me! Like asking me to inform her when i reach home, called me in the middle of my bus journey and especially offering to take a cab with me home when she lives in jurong! Thanks saint raffles! :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 / 09:37 p.m.
LOVE ME LOVE ME
PRETEND THAT YOU LOVE ME
listening to: "Lovefool" by The Cardigans
feeling: queer
Did this test found on chel's blog. Really accurate!
Who you are
You bring real passion to life. You're a woman of great integrity who'll stand up and fight for causes she believes in. You have a vision for the future and always are searching to find love and a sense of "balance" in your life. You refuse to settle long-term for a boring job or doing something just because it's expected of you. You have lots of friends and really appreciate the people in your life. You put the ones you love ahead of everything else. In fact, sometimes you can put them ahead of your own needs. You're overdue to bring real romance into your life and ready to experience a powerful "spark" with someone special.
You believe dating and life in general is about learning and growing as a person. You have a great skill for connecting with people, so dating comes relatively easily to you. However, it's hard for you to have a real intellectual connection with an attractive man. Hopefully, you've found a way to "go with the flow" in dating as you already do in other parts of your life.
You face two major challenges in finding the love of your life. First, because your mind is so busy making sure you say and do the right things on dates, it's hard for your deeper and acring self to come through. It feels risky to share this part of yourself. Second, althought having a vision of what you want can be helpful, the risk is that your high standards can get in the way of loving a real-life imperfect man.
Like all women, you have your strengths as well as your quirks and shortcomings. Ultimately, you want to find someone who will love and accept you "warts and all." Though you have lots of friends, it's important to have at least one person in your life who understands.
How unique is your type?
5% : Very similar to you
24%: Somewhat like you
71%: Very different from you
How many men are attracted to your type?
3% : Very attracted
38%: Attracted
46%: Neutral/indifferent
13%: Turned off
Who you're looking for
You want to share your life with someone who has the same values, goals, and style you have. Research has shown that couples who have more in common tend to stay together longer. The qualities you find attractive (and unattractive) in men suggest you would certainly be happier with a man who's more like you.
The truth is that everyone is potentially "high maintenance." We all have our quirks and shortcomings. The key to long-term harmony is finding a man who can tolerate (or maybe even enjoy) your "quirks," or the little personal oddities that make you unique. You seem okay with several common quirks that might come along with your "ideal" man
How many men are your ideal type?
4% : Exactly your type
24%: Mostly your type
19%: Somewhat your type
44%:Mostly not your type
9% :Definitely not your type
Monday, February 16, 2004 / 11:42 p.m.
SINISTER ROMANTIC
listening to: "Shakespeare In Love" by Layla Kaylif
feeling: rhapsodic
He's fought and he's fallen
He's on his knees before he's on his feet
A sinister romantic
Oh, he's about to be and she's about to see
Teachin' torches to burn bright
She's hanging on the cheek of night
A snowy dove trooping with crows
He never saw true beauty till tonight
She'll take him to the brink of deliverance
Show him that much
Oh, don't you know it
Oh, don't you know it
So he falls in love to feel that he's falling
She'll let him know his heart
Oh, don't you know it
Oh, don't you know it
That's Shakespeare in love
Sometimes i wonder.. Am i too idealistic about what i love, my beliefs and my perceptions?
Yay. Will like to thank my online friend (yongteng) for sending me say, thirty songs in a mere few days? :)
Han gave me very lovely glow-in-the-dark butterflies for valentine's! Thanks girl! I'll paste them all over my bedroom ceiling. And whenever i can't get to sleep and open my eyes to gaze at the pretty glowing butterflies, i'll always be reminded of how you've lit up my life by bringing me out of the darkness. :) Will always be grateful to you for that.. Don't know if you'll ever be reading this but i miss ya loads! :)
Sunday, February 15, 2004 / 12:48 a.m.
I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES
BUT THEY STARE BLANKLY AT ME
listening to: ”All This Time” by Michelle McManus
feeling: tired
Valentine’s day this year was spent in the company of lilian, char, ber and quite a lot of juniors in the eastern part of Singapore! Initially, lilian and I met the juniors to play ball at east coast beach (poor weiwei got dunked!). The minute char, ber, marcus, guanhow and his pretty gf arrived, we discovered something really horrible. Four bags belonging to huishan, cliff, bumin and yonghui were stolen right under our noses without our knowing! Sigh, I kind of admire how the four of them took this matter in a calm and optimistic way though. We made our long way to the police post (tried zhanwei’s slippers and I realized it almost double the size of my feet!) and gosh, the rest of us waited at the entrance for more than one hour outside?! Sat outside blocking the signpost that screamed Marine Parade Neighbourhood Police Post. And we looked like some teenage delinquents while receiving weird glares from the passengers in the passing buses. Talked a lot of crap and I found lide’s car joke pretty hilarious! FINALLY, we made our way to some hawker center near parkway for dinner. Some of us headed home while the rest played pool. It was great having cliff and huishan as companions on the way home. I’ve found some Punggolians! :)
Despite the outing sounding quite boring and having four bags stolen, I think today was pretty fun. Got to know some juniors in depth too. I hope we’ll have a sentosa outing in the near future! I guess it should be successful with the company of the juniors this time. Love my juniors! :D
I want to lie on the grass and star-gaze with a friend or two someday. Feeling the night breeze brushing gently against our faces as we seek peace and comfort under the velvet blanket. It’s always times like this where we can let our guards down and unravel all the bottled thoughts inside. Talking to meilin now and experiencing this subtle gloom taking over me. It’s been really long since we’ve had heart to heart talks! Miss this girl.. though I see her almost everyday in school. Miss boon and chel too.
I really like chel's writings, especially the sweet ones! She can weave lyrical beauty into her words and I suppose, expressing what she really feels and thinks. I cant. Often, I lost the words. The feelings come and go in split seconds, bits and pieces, fragments I can’t piece back. It’s like what I’ve given. They never came back.
Saturday, February 14, 2004 / 01:11 a.m.
LOVE IS BUT THE DISCOVERY OF OURSELVES IN OTHERS,
AND THE DELIGHT IN THE RECOGNITION
listening to: “I Believe” by Kim Kyeong
feeling: blissful and loved
If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for some reasons he/she couldn't stay, don't cry too much... Just be glad that your paths crossed and; somehow he/she made you happy even for a while.
And as I counted the ticks to the end of Friday the 13th, 2004, I felt a rush of emotions washing over me. Today was certainly memorable, apart from getting traumatized while engaging in this extremely nonsensical conversation with zherui in the cab. Hehe. I had spent the last bits of this day at changi airport with the rest, sending our blessings and farewell hugs to Pamela. That idiotic lilian secretly allowed those contagious tears trickle down her cheeks, which set my eyes brimming with tears. Luckily it was only my classmates who caught a glimpse of the embarrassing moment. Char’s watery eyes almost made me choke too! (my, was I glad that sinhui wasn’t there ) Anyways, if anything, I’ll never want to go to the airport for departures again. The mild sad atmosphere was sinking deep, yet everybody wore this smile, contrived or not, on their faces and talked happily to make the most out of the last moments left. Whatever it is, PAMELA! If you’re ever reading this, please take good care of yourself over there! We’ll miss you! :/
And I love my class 03S69 dearly. I’ve counted. Approximately 80% of my classmates prepared something for everybody for valentine’s! It’s true, however sore you think I may sound. That Valentine’s day isn’t just a day created for the lovers in the world; it is a day, like Christmas, where you can express your love and gratitude to people around you. Love is Actually all around! It's kinda fun seeing everybody scurrying around giving presents to everybody else. Friday lessons could have been such unbearable but the warm and fuzzy feeling I felt inside was enough to overcome any dread and lethargy that came my way.
I will like to thank (in register order) :
charb and zsing for their Camior chocolate
sinhui for her note and little bag of scented leaves
zherui for his cauliflower and an exclusive bouquet of erm.. broccoli (just for me!)
ailian for her note and oreo biscuits
shan for her heart shaped note
jinyong for his beautiful rose
eline for this jigsaw bit that forms 69 and wangwang biscuits
adder (dad!) for her pretty card and lollipop
lilian (mum!) for her note and heart shaped cookie (and the bear in the cup!)
tat hua for his note-on-the-tile where the fabric paint kept coming off *haha*
pp for his sugary dose of cookies
charlene for her Merci chocs
alan and Bernard for their erm, sex band
shuyun for her pink dried flower
yanxi for his konnyaku jelly packed individually into boxes
vivien for her note and ferrero rocher
wenhooi for her packet of goodies
as well as the rest of 69 members :
marcus (angel + mortal) for the nice black top
nelson (mortal!!) for the lovely earrings
guanhow (fake lover!) for the keychain
weiwei for the sweets
huishan for the Belgium chocs
mingjie for the apple juice
eng keat for the toblerone
not forgetting my lovely teammates:
ivy for her note and ferrero rocher
chengwei for her cute badge and sweet
jillian for her chocolates and jellies
Just to sincerely thank these people from the bottom of my heart for making me feel loved. As well as to remember every little gift I receive in case my memory gets the better of me. Sadly but true, as age catches up with us, one can’t celebrate valentine’s day in school like this anymore. Whoa, i'm reminded of the vdays spent in st nicks where our tables would be simply filled with little gifts and goodies of any sort. How time flies.
And 69ers you know what i'm imagining? Ten years down the road, with eline’s jigsaw bit in our hands, let’s form 69 together again. :)
Tuesday, February 10, 2004 / 08:49 p.m.
YOU JUST DIDNT KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU'VE BROKE MY HEART APART
listening to: "I Dont Want You Back" by Eamon
feeling: devastated (over IVLE)
About today, i think the school's effort in creating an Integrated Virtual Learning Environment has been in vain. I've been trying, for the past few hours, put some random answers but the questions just refused to load. Oh wells, i give up! The good part is though, that we didnt have to go to school today! Shopped for valentine's day presents with sinhui today and saw a lot of hwachong people. I think my little gifts for my classmates are going to suck so badly. :(
Oh yes, watched The Truman Show again on sunday night and it was quite a whole new different experience after watching it six years later. Scenes from the show i've vividly remembered somehow didnt seemed as significant anymore. This time, it's so much more. I last remembered it as a normal show with a creative plot but there's so much more mixed emotions that came along now, It makes me wonder perhaps five years later, will i find Infernal Affairs trilogy as thrilling and mind-boggling as i do now? Or Chicago as spectacular and dazzling? Will i still think and feel like i do now, or will i be a changed person? It's hard to tell. Though it's true that through these years, i've become someone really different with every bit and pieces of experiences, stories, changes that came my way. Of course i do have my regrets over things i shouldnt have done, but these are valuable lessons, however painful they are, that allow me to piece the fragments back and learn from them. I can even laugh myself silly at my old self. That's why i still keep my blog. Apart from storing my moments and feelings, i can recall how i was. You see, you'll never quite know how you'll turn out to be.
Saturday, February 7, 2004 / 12:06 a.m.
SO I CAN SEE MY BABY
WHEN I LEAVE THIS WORLD
listening to: "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam
feeling: lackadaisical
Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
We were out on a date in my daddy's car,
we hadn't driven very far.
There in the road, straight ahead,
a car was stalled, the engine was dead.
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right.
I'll never forget, the sound that night
the screamin tires, the bustin glass,
the painful scream that I heard last.
Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
When I woke up, the rain was pourin down.
There were people standin all around.
Somethin warm runnin through my eyes,
but somehow I found my baby that night.
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said,
"Hold me darlin just a little while."
I held her close, I kissed her - our last kiss.
I found the love that i knew i had missed
well now she's gone, even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life, that night.
Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
I almost wanted to cry as i listened to the song and read the lyrics. How sad. :/
I feel like i'm languishing away. There's this unseen force sucking the vigour from within and a sense of loss sets in to fill the emptiness. I can't grasp the reasons, nor can i do anything about it. Just jaded.
Just has the sudden urge to say here that i love my teammates! May our bonds last as strong as ever. And of course, i love my cca, or should i say it's more than just a cca. Though i get pretty helpless and frustrated at the way the system works, and especially how people think. (in case you think you're that great, you better think twice) Whatever it is, badminton has integrated into an important part of my life. I'm just wondering what will i be without it, and what will happen when everything ends. After all the sweat and pain, gains and losses, joys and sorrows, my life was never the same again. Why must all good things come to an end?
Wednesday, February 4, 2004 / 09:04 p.m.
BINTAN
listening to: "So Far Away" by Staind
feeling: a teeny weeny down
Let me start off with my family trip to Bintan on Monday! The resort we lived in was really nice. It was like a bungalow with normal two storeys and outside the living room was the balcony. And outside the balcony was this pseudo lake with fountains that meandered around the blocks, with little bridges that arched over the peaceful waters. How romantic! I could almost imagining myself living there and paddling across the lake to neighbouring houses. HAHA. And the block opposite me resembled a little of Sam's house in the Shire with pretty flowers of different colours embellishing the pathway to the entrance. It was like a blissful getaway from the urban life!
How unfortunately though, that the jet skis were under repair. So were the banana boats! So my 2nd sis and i only managed to canoe and the waves were slightly stronger than Spore and waters a little cleaner. I really wish i can visit those white sandy beaches with very clear blue waters! Hehs, we then headed to the swimming pool which looked really pretty! The coconut trees were so tall they seemed to touch the clouds, with their coconut heads peering and overtowering us. While the beach was not too far away. There was this partially submerged poolcafe in the middle of the swimming pool. Cool! Tried playing volleyball with my 2nd sis but sadly, we don't have the innate talent in us. All those skills i've learnt during selective PE in st nicks have gone down the drain! Hee.
My family then headed to the kelong which was converted into a live seafood restaurant with a really nice ambience. It overlooked the sea and the high wooden ceiling and the familiar oldies that flowed along with the waves added a romantic touch to the place. Not to mention the delicious food of course. The garoupa and crabs were superb! Though they came with a hefty price. Oh wells.
Went back to the resort via bus and my parents took the buggy rides (i kinda like them!) back to the resort while my sisters and i explored the main building further. Played snooker and eventually settled in the ktv pub. My 2nd sister treated us to drinks and i ordered this Nirwana Delight consisting of rum, apricot brandy, fruit punch and coconut cream. It tasted okay as compared to my elder sis' Tutti Fruitti which really sucked! Haha..But my alcohol content wasn't exactly little i think.. or was it that i just couldnt handle alcohol? We didnt book any rooms and sat outside singing songs free of charge instead, though we gotta share the mikes and let others dedicate songs too. Played snooker again before we called it a day back to our resort with vodka lime and mr potato chips!
Went swimming the next day and we sat at the poolcafe for a while, sipping some new cool drinks. My sis drank this funny thing with tobasco, pepper, salt, tomato juice and some other alcohol...! Tried air rifle with my elder sis! And hey, we're pretty good at them, especially my sister. She didnt miss a single can! And the friendly instructor were joking and chatting with us.. She even let us have a few more pellets (or bullets??) and put some small fruits as targets. She and my sister started trying to shoot the fruits and they were pretty accurate! Hee. And that roughly sums up my trip in Bintan, with a lot of photos taken! It was quite boring sometimes coz we had nothing to do but still, i'm very grateful to my sisters for organising and sponsoring this trip to strengthen bonds between my family members! ;) I had tonnes of fun, nevertheless.
Friday, January 30, 2004 / 11:33 p.m.
THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME
OF WHAT I REALLY AM
listening to: "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback
feeling: light and happy
I'm finally seeing more people from the guys' team coming to dinner with us! It's finally no more threesome foursome fivesome. A total of eleven today! :)
I really think my form teacher has no really evil intentions or something. It's just the way she expresses herself that makes us detest and abhor her. And lately, it's getting worse. Especially the parts when she kept picking on lilian. And some others.
her: Where's sinhui?
me: She dropped econs.
her: Oh finally ah??
Teachers aside, i find my class really amusing! We're always the noisiest during lectures and doing funny things. Tried to doll lilian up like chunli with two cute buns on her head today. Highly entertaining. :) And recently we've been passing new year goodies (kudos to wenhooi's mum) and tathua's snacks from Japan around the class during lectures. We are so... piggy.
Exciting! Will be going Bintan with my family on monday and coming back on tuesday. It's been really really long since my family's gone on a trip together. I can have fun and miss lessons! Life is great. :)
Tuesday, January 27, 2004 / 06:31 p.m.
A FUNNY DAY AT SCHOOL
listening to: "Spanish Guitar" by Toni Braxton
feeling: amused
Cant believe myself. I just ate one bowl of wonton mee and one plate of fried rice just one hour plus ago, and i've just finished my dinner at home. Thank goodness i'm not disgustingly bloated, the kind you really feel the food's filled to your neck. Is eating a lot bad the day before a big run and weights training?
I don't understand some people sometimes. I think completing a tutorial is something to be really proud of. It brings a great sense of achievement. To me, at least. I've finally done the first tutorial of the year, and of course, many more to come. So did sinhui. Great, let's work together and not be as horrendous as last year. But someone please teach me how to not doze off during class. I've uncontrollably drifted off to dreamland (can't remember my dream though) during chem tutorial and econs lecture today.
I've never seen lilian so unlucky before. She was caught by Tiger Lee, and the latter called her no brains and said her suggestion was the stupidest idea she's ever heard. And you know what? It's all because of a cup of barley. A cup of barley that our dear girl brought to class in the morning. And all the crap about ruining the college's reputation and throwing the barley away would be a waste of money.. The conversation, as described by lilian, sounded so absurd sinhui laughed her head off! And lil got caught by her the second time because of her blouse, which looked really neat and tidy to me. Poor girl, she's on the offense list now. (whatever that is) The amusing teacher warned not to see her a third time, for lilian would spoil her day. Now, tell me the irony of it all.
Saturday, January 24, 2004 / 11:26 p.m.
TO CRAWL THERE WAS TO TAKE
TO LEFT ME WITH THE EMPTY PLATE
listening to: "Are You Happy Now?" by Michelle Branch
feeling: soothed (by the rain :D)
Just had a fun mahjong session with meilin, yanchoo and bernard at meilin's house. Meilin and i then went to J8 for dinner before walking around shops aimlessly just to pass time. We finally settled at the bookstore and spent approximately one hour there reading children's read-out-loud bible stories (out loud, of course), Lillian Too's Fengshui tips for the Tigers in 2004 (hehe it's rather informative!), nursery rhymes (singing and rapping them too), cooking books and those books that provide interesting insights into palmistry and dreams. A pretty relaxing and laughy time there. :)
It rocks to feel the sweet rain at night. And it also rocks to have an umbrella with you when out in the heavy rain. May all that i love have a lovely dream tonight. :D
Saturday, January 24, 2004 / 10:26 a.m.
RUNNING ALL THE TIME
listening to: "Running" by No Doubt
feeling: bored
Happy new year everybody! I have been stuffing myself with food, sleeping, watching tv and basically rotting and seeing mushrooms grow on me for the past few days. (let's don't talk about work yet) Unlike everybody else, I only visit once, get really little angbaos and i am not close to my relatives. Well, except my grandparents whom i visit every week. I guess new year isnt just about getting cash and praying for fortune to bestow upon you. It's about gathering! New year reunion dinner was great. (amazingly, i ate the most) My family hardly have time to sit down together and dine. I love my sisters! They made really good preparations for the steamboat and tidied the whole house nicely. I have a pink towel, pink toothbrush and pink toothbrush holder now! (okay, don't ask me why...) And they fully support my decision regarding dropping Econs.
Yesterday morning was spent eating roti prata at casuarina with meilin, charb and bernard. Great, now meilin doesnt find charb so terrifying anymore! And i welcomed her into an insight of how my class guys love to niao the girls. Oh, and i realise my sisters and i love to introduce people to the prata stall there. I think it isnt just the food that earned our liking, but that we've grown attached to that place since really young! Okay, enough.
Gosh, i hate to wake up from a sweet dream and let reality tumble hard on me. :(
Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side
Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that i'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
(do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Be
Be the one i need
Be the one i trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up
Tuesday, January 20, 2004 / 10:50 p.m.
DEEP DOWN THE ABYSS OF MY HEART
To Someone who probably never ever realise this is for her
Like any other kind of love, friendship can be lost within our lives due to neglect or anger or, sometimes, simply circumstances. However it is lost, we often lose a part of ourselves that can never quite be recovered.
Hi my friend, or once best friend,
if you never knew. Could i call you that?
Pardon me for my nonchalence,
though you should discover a long time ago.
I couldnt, could i
witness the feeble strands of
our friendship i've cherished so dearly
left withering on the face of this earth.
I had rather let the
tumbleweeds fade away and die
than weep at the dried petal
on my hand, mine alone.
Remember the times we've shared
You've been a guiding star in the darkness;
a little river in the desert.
Where we picked each other up
through the turbulence,
through the joy,
the laughters and the tears.
Now memories, weaved by you and me,
brought no more than activating
a rush of pain. Pain.
There are so much more i want to share,
There are so much more dreams left undiscovered.
Yet you handed this five years
of friendship, of love, for me to bear.
I never knew distance could
do such harm to us.
But what tore me apart
was ignorance on your part.
Have you not ventured once into
the journey of the past
And reminisce,
struck with nostalgia?
In retrospect, all that i've expected
all that i've gained
all that i've put in
have been in vain.
Where did you go?
Monday, January 19, 2004 / 11:55 p.m.
CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY
listening to: "Can't Take That Away" by Mariah Carey
feeling: inspired
They can say anything they want to say
try to bring me down
But I will not allow
anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me
And they can try
Hard to make me feel that I
Don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter in what I believe
or lose faith in my dreams
Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try,
but they can't take that away from me.
Oh, they
They can do, anything they want, to you.
If you let them in
But they won't ever win,
if you cling to your pride and just push them aside.
See I, I have learned
There's an inner peace I own.
Something in my soul,
that they cannot possess.
So I won't be afraid,
and the darkness will fade.
Monday, January 19, 2004 / 11:21 p.m.
IMMINENT DEPARTURE
listening to: "Truly Madly Deeply" by Savage Garden
feeling: tired
Had a farewell party at pamela's house today after training. Her house is extremely huge i am not cracking a joke when i say i can get lost in it! It is probably the combination of a few semi detached houses with a swimming pool meandering about the "blocks", where there is a "forest" in the middle. Where i've set my feet upon today is probably only one third of her entire house. Gosh! Besides, it's really nicely designed. It's hard to believe that pamela isnt all spoilt and snobbish, but someone who's really sweet and cute in nature beneath her cool atheletic exterior. The times we've interacted are so short, yet i think im gonna miss her already. :/ I really wish i could have known her longer.
I have always enjoyed walking in the gentle drizzle at night. To absorb the tranquility and sweetness of the night air as i walked along the pavement where soft light beams bounced off the ground. But today was so different. The raindrops were so cold and harsh they stang at my skin. I could almost feel the bitterness on my tongue.
Don't you just hate having your efforts not paid off or appreciated at all? Or discovering the ugly side of people?
Thanks to sinhui for being someone i can pour everything to (like my selfish thoughts tonight), yanxi for shooing me home for fear that i'll fall sick, seowhong for always making me sms him when i reach home to make sure i'm safe and sound and last but not least, pamela for touching everybody with your sweet cute lil girl character!
Anyways, my cute junior class has a class blog at soixanteneuf.blogspot.com. The soivanteneuf means sixty nine in French. Funky huh? :D
Wednesday, January 14, 2004 / 10:39 p.m.
THE REMEDY IS THE EXPERIENCE
IT IS A DANGEROUS LIAISON
listening to: "Remedy" by Jason Mraz
feeling: lost
The sky was stained crimson red, sending feathery hum drum of raindrops pitter pattering on her window panes. The lonely wind that wafted through dim lights and dancing shadows gently caressed her hair, leaving a bittersweet scent still lingering. A voice beckoned to her. With its promised dreams and delicate sweetness. Where a flutter of emotions overflowed and seeped into her heart. And gnawed at her soul. She felt the tears mingling with the raindrops, before swirling into a tangled mesh of verbs and lines, fabricated out of nothingness.
It was like an incantation she can't get out of.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004 / 10:39 p.m.
ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY
listening to: "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down
feeling: jaded
Congratulations to me, another CS session to welcome the year of Monkey! Could have been caught many more times last year, but they had to choose today.
Yes, not too good today.
If it's not meant to be, it's really not meant to be. This is how reality gets a grip on you.
Well well, onto something lighter, i am feeling all hyped up and ready for intensive training. May i survive pe and gym training tomorrow!
Sunday, January 11, 2004 / 01:05 p.m.
69 GALORE
Courtesy of fangxi. :) Edited the photo.
Sunday, January 11, 2004 / 09:40 a.m.
YOU DON'T MISS A MOMENT AT THE MOMENT
YOU MISS IT WHEN IT'S GONE
listening to: "How Deep Is Your Love" by Take That
feeling: thankful
This entry is a tad too laggy but oh wells, my body had to make up for all the sleep i've sacrificed over the week yesterday.
Friday, January 09, 2004
The excitement first begun after a whole period of very dreadful econs tutorial as we rushed to the LT to watch 04S69's performance. We cheered, we screamed, we clapped, everything we could do to give utmost support to our juniors. They were great! What a pity sinhui and i were laughing crazily outside over Boo Radley when the results was announced. Our junior class's item made it to the campfire night! Waves of nostalgia first struck me as i see my classmates all happily donning their sec sch uniforms, the exact scene just a year ago. We made our way to KAP for dinner (something we had not done for long) before rushing back school for the campfire. Sadly, the turn-up rate for this year was pretty bad. Or did i remember wrongly that the central plaza was drowning with human waves last year? By the way, the lit up phoenix and the flapping of its wings were magnificent! Our juniors' performance was really engaging and highly entertaining (it was good that they changed the scv part) and we were madly shouting the 69 hokkien cheer with our juniors one more time. Though they didnt win, they were champions in our hearts! And i realised that one does not need to know the mass dance very well because there's simply no space to turn about or time to do any steps properly. Still, i had great fun dancing with my dear angel and mortal! Spirits culminated as we decked ourselves shoulder to shoulder and formed a huge circle with the 69ers of all three generations. We sang the Hwachong songs at the top of our voices, sometimes the low grouchy voices with sinhui and char, while the warm fuzzy feeling filled us from within. It was the first time i've seen zhengnan singing from the bottom of his heart! That silly person and charb were terrorizing the girls by carrying them, such that the girl in the middle looked like she's hanging on two gigantic things, legs hanging in mid air. Thanks to them, i was scampering frantically about like a mad mouse with two nasty black cats chasing after me. Still, i got away! I felt like i was reliving the past when we started to form lines and huffpuffed around the central plaza like mad massive man-made trains. After all the excitement, the cheers and the laughters, 02S69, 03S69 and 04S69 went around trying to take photos and everywhere we go, the lights just got switched off, as if trying to prevent us from taking photos!
Saturday, January 10, 2004
Char, bernard and i went bernard's house to take mahjong set and cards while the rest headed towards zhengnan's house for stayover. It was quite comforting to know a lot of the juniors and my class guys turned up! By the time we reached zing's house, we were exhausted and drained of much energy. Somehow, i didnt feel like staying up the whole night playing mahjong or cards at all. Went up to the rooftop and laid there with edwin, yanxi, tathua, zhengnan, lilian and shuyun. It has always been a little dream of mine to own a house with a lovely rooftop with someone i love! Hehe. The view of the night sky was breathtaking. Fluffy pink clouds swayed with the calming night breeze, and the twinkling little stars seemed to hum a quiet soft song along with them, adding beauty to the night. It seemed as if the stars were moving instead of the clouds. According to yanxi, the stars looked as though they were migrating, in trios, in pairs or alone, to somewhere else we know not. I especially love watching the sky where there's no high-rise buildings around, so the velvet blanket appeared as if it's within reach. Zhengnan was seeing cotton candy, while yanxi could amazingly see all the smiling, evil, distorted, big-nosed face shapes i've weaved with my imagination. Tat hua impressed all of us when he answered my puzzling question about why the clouds appeared black when the rain droplets accumulate which nobody could put any logical answers to! What a pity my nose was blocked and felt really uncomfortable, or i could have enjoyed the night better. Still, it was wonderful at the rooftop!
By the time we left zing's house and planned to play pool, only zhengnan bernard chris guanhao char lilian kelvin and i were left. We alighted at the hwachong bus stop to take another bus to the pool place when char suggested playing ball instead. And so we headed to the school gate, armed with huge bags of clothes. How silly right! Went home after playing basketball and i slept till dinner, woke up to eat for fear that my gastric may churn out problems again, and then drifted off to dreamland again till now.
i love 69! As cheesy as it sounds, or this is how i always sound, (whatever), i thank God for letting me know these wonderful people. :)
Thursday, January 8, 2004 / 11:24 p.m.
69 SIXNINE 69
listening to: "Why Georgia" by John Mayer
feeling: tired yet high
And so the night ended with a smashin' good bang! The old and new 69ers cheered our dear hokkien cheer in great unison, alongside the sparkling moon hanging in the velvet sky that screamed its brightest brilliance. Our 69 flag was fantastically designed and painted by our juniors! And i meant, FANTASTIC. Char, shan, zing, me and the canoeists stayed back to help our juniors in their banner painting and item preparation, or rather, slack around and have fun. We went Bukit Timah Market to buy dinner for the juniors but alas, we were really tempted by the aroma of the food around us. Ate dessert, char kway teow and fried oyster before going back school an hour later! I'm beginning to enjoy the new company in 69 and am looking forward to tomorrow's stayover at chi high bandroom!
Anyways, i have great mortals again! :) (now vernon dont you get too high and mighty)
Tuesday, January 6, 2004 / 09:31 p.m.
WAVES OF NOSTALGIA
listening to: "If We Hold On Together" by Diana Ross
feeling: excited
Have you ever said honey, i love you to two guys in a short span of one minute? I had today. Morever, in a ridiculously amusing way just to make them laugh. It was Seniors Meet Juniors session today. 04S69 seems pretty fine, though the girls were a wee bit shy, reminding me of us last year! *blush* Erm, okay. By the way, i just realise J2s guys are really quite desperate to know J1 girls. 69 guys, do not try to deny!
I am quite excited to wear my St Nicks uniform tomorrow. Attempted to dig it out today and to my horror, it was very crumpled and unsightly. One bad part about pinafores is the difficulty of ironing it because the pleats behind just don't seem to co-ordinate and settle at the right place when i'm ironing the front, and vice versa. Arghs.
Sunday, January 4, 2004 / 07:27 p.m.
I CAN'T BREATHE UNTIL
YOU'RE RESTING HERE WITH ME
listening to: "Here With Me" by Dido
feeling: inexplicably strange
I hate using cash to pay for my bus fare. The bus drivers usually first looked at me with disbelief and then demanded my student pass as a proof. But that's still alright. Today, after i put in 60 cents, the uncle didnt want to issue me my ticket and gave me a face of disapproval. As usual, i was taking out my ez link card but he just kept shaking his head in disgust and refused to look at my card as if i've cheated him of a few cents and he's just gonna let me off this time. I was just in tee and shorts. Can't help it if i look old and gross right..
I found a cloud that looked like an earthworm at the interchange! And several others faraway that resembled those majestic snow capped mountain that are roasted pink by the sun's glare. In a new town like this, buildings sprout out like a sore thumb amidst the flat undeveloped ground. The few orange castle-like condominiums i was looking at just now seemed surreal and 2D with the passing pink clouds as the back drop. The clouds looked so near i half thought i could touch them if i was at the rooftop. Together, they formed a pseudo cartoon/fairytale picture i wished i could capture that very moment! And now i have a sudden craving for marshmallow and candy floss! Am i weird? i can stare at the sky the whole day and drift off gently into my reverie.
I realise i have really been blogging every day about nonsensical things. Maybe i should take a little hiatus.
Sunday, January 4, 2004 / 12:45 a.m.
BUT MY DREAMS THEY AREN'T AS EMPTY
AS MY CONSCIENCE SEEMS TO BE
listening to: "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit
feeling: satisfied
I love this new layout! Thought it's pretty cool though i'm not a fan of Keith Richard or the Rolling Stones. Am too lazy to do any layouts. At least for the time being.
I'm on my confused mode. I hate having to read between the words or decipher what's going on in someone's mind. It's perplexing having to distinct clearly my fleeting thoughts, momentary emotions, vague dreams and feelings that i don't know whether it comes straight from the heart, or was it due to the way the mind works? That too much thoughts have masked the genuine feelings that remain unhidden. Did i feel what i feel, or was it just me convincing myself about how i feel, which could have been wrong?
