u conjure up every part of my fantasy

hidden in this masquerade*

Wednesday, August 21, 2002 07:30 p.m.

yay so happy. my sis gonna bring me to buy gown next month, and yah, she's paying for it. feels quite bad, but anyways she can give me professional tips! ah though its quite weird we never really go out together before plus she's already 21.

so, i wonder hows everybody. been going home after mock exams. ee. fell asleep while having physics mock today. hehs, if it wasnt for some whatever noise, i could have slept right through and handed in a half-done script. pris was right abt my class. suddenly everybody dun go for recess to study for tests. like i see no one else around in the canteen? erm, i will never give up recess for studying. and they don't study for tests and get so stressed when they should just compare with me. and there's no need to hide if you've studied, or u cared about the test. well, there's so many that i can't be bothered anymore. 7 tests with 3 mocks. so there. sometimes people can get you real fucked up.

so, i gotta help szuyu search for a cupcake gown. haha she's like really crazy over that sunyanzi's gown in ndp. :/ my life's gettin too boring nowadays. i need to add zest to it! and my gbook's gettin real empty. x/

when u love someone so deeply
they become your life
it's easy to succumb to overwhelmin fears inside
blindly i imaged i could keep you under glass
now I understand to hold you
i must open my hands and watch you rise

spread your wings and prepare to fly
for you have become a butterfly
fly abandonedly into the sun
if you should return to me
we truly were meant to be
so spread your wings and fly

i can't pretend these tears aren't over flowing steadily
i can't prevent this hurt from almost overtakin me
but will stand and say goodbye
for you'll never be mine
until you know the way it feels to fly

Sunday, August 18, 2002 12:30 a.m.

everybody hurry about in a frenzy manner
arms carrying knives, with sweetness lingerin on their lips
there's no escape from this masquerade
the only emotion you can feel is gravity
melliflous melodies are ringing in my ears
don't disturb me. i'm still lost in my reverie

Friday, August 16, 2002 10:59 p.m.

today had my sec4 farewell cum handover. the sec 4s were blindfolded and led to the basketball court and made to sit down. and before we could realise what was happening, buckets of water were splashed at us. so stupid me and jessica just sat down there and kena splashed while the others ran away. den i felt flour. the worse thing was, i had 2 buckets of real icy-cold water aimed at me. AHHH!! and that yunhua had to pour a bucket of soap water down my back. :/ the sec 4s were practically disgusting-looking and we felt totally grossed out! and szuyu wanted to use the dough on her to bake some cookies at home. -haha- den we had really good pizzas. six boxes of them. down our throats along with home-made chicken wings made by zhang's maid and bottles of coke. so we were all desperately trying to wash the dough of our hair which had turned really hard and u felt like u poured a bottle of gel all over your head. :/ handover was next, den sec 4s' gifts to the juniors and a really lousy sec 4 performance. and when we were beginnin' to sing, coincidentally tricia's glass broke. like tryin' to imply something! today i already experienced 3 glasses breakin', of which i broke 2. :/ and 2 bottles of coke spilling all over the floor. omens or what? nahs, i'm an Epicurean. :) said cheer and played monkey at the hockey pitch later on. quite exhausting but fun. in total it was fun! a pity virn wasnt there.. could haf took more photos! and of course, i dropped like 1000 strands of hair today. and occasionally, i find big pieces of dried flour on me. :/ i already miss some people, going home from school in the evenings and going macs after trainings. did i ever mention the best sunset i ever saw was in school? weird huhs.

so sh said lee [from blue] is seriously injured from a go-kart accident and maybe be scarred for life. and the concert is most likely cancelled. like oh my gosh! that's so sad. was bloody irritated by this i-don't-wan-to-know person today -looks at sinhui- i dunno why i'm so worked up, but heck. was totally grossed out by her. like er please get ur ass off there and quit being such a bitch! no u're not cute, and no u're not very likeable. :/

there's so many emotions surgin' up today, and i don't know how to go about definin' them. i just sigh at how things don't always go my way, and wish i can just fly away. it isnt fair that after all that u had inflicted upon me, u had to give me that attitude of yours. like we never had heart-to-heart talk. like we never did know each other. and i wonder how fake people can get. like if u don't like certain people, why make the extra effort to be nice to them? den turn around and bitch about them behind their backs like u're real fucked up. and why do u always try so hard to follow the trend? bahs.

it's always too late to start cherishing things we took for granted because we always don't realise how much they mean to us. and by the time we realise it, it's also when we know we gonna lose it.

so here's a lil cute poem han posted in my gbook. sounds corny. :)
when the rain is falling, when the sky is dark
and you're convinced you're out of luck
dun u werry, life can suck!
but to make u laugh, ill be a duck (quack!)
when you're head is spinning and u cant think
and all the homework (yeah they stink!)
ill do something corny
dun u blink and end up dressing all in pink!
and when the life gets low and down
and everyone arnd u cant help but frown
i realli dun know how this will sound
but to make u laugh ill be a clown!
and if u do ever catch a flu im not a doctor
not much i can do but knit a sweater made of wool
and sew across " i love you!"

Sunday, August 11, 2002 02:26 p.m.

yesterday me and kai in total ate one macs porridge, one sausage mcmuffin, 2 sticks of old chang kee sweet potato, one cup of mos iced peach tea, 2 plates of rice, 2 cups of corn soup, one bar of mars, one bar of violet crumb and a few choc peppermint sweets. for breakfast lunch and noon tea. :/ -hides face- so why am i always panickin fer not studying for 5 tests next week yet refusin to really go do some work? there's handover cum farewell next friday. gonna do something fer some of them if i ever have time. hehs, and a really long heartfelt letter. i am really not in the mood to do anything now. i am now laughin at myself for givin so much last time, and gettin' just pain in return. i finally see the futility of it all. oh yay.

dreams are my reality,
the only kind of real fantasy
illusions are a common thing
i try to live in dreams
it seems as if it's meant to be
dreams are my reality,
a different kind of reality
i dream of loving in the night
and loving seems alright
although it's only fantasy

Friday, August 9, 2002 11:50 p.m.

been slackin' fer the past 3 days without touchin any books though havin' 5 tests next week. i feel sinful. x) anyways, nothing to talk about. just rottin' around, sippin' green bean soup, listenin' to ban dao tie he, hui dao guo qu and an hao.
i'm afraid nobody wipe your tears away when you're heartbroken
oh watched backstreet boys concert on channel 5 today. felt very nostalgic. haha all the old songs get to me. i still think they can dance very well. think everybody can really at least hum a one song of theirs? okaes, i dunno what's got over me todae. yeps.

so, szuyu said her mum wants to migrate. if it's confirmed, i'll probably cry my eyes out. i kind of felt very sad, thinkin' about 4f and snbt really gonna split so soon. how often do you get friends who listen to same songs as you, get crazy over things together and talk about the same gurl stuff? it's kind of hard to sink in, yet it's the truth.

wei she me zhe yang zi
ni la zhe wo shuo ni you xie you yu
zen me zhe yang zi
yu hai mei ting ni jiu cheng san yao zou
yi jing xi guan bu qu zhu zhi ni
guo hao yi zhen zi ni jiu hui hui lai
yin xiang zhong de ai qing hao xiang ding bu zhu na shi jian
wei she mei zhe yang zi
ni kan zhe wo shuo ni yi jing jue ding
wo la bu zhu ni
ta de shou ying gai bi wo geng nuan
tie he de xu biang cheng le ri ji
bian cheng le kong qi yan hua cheng hui yi
yin xiang zhong de ai qing hao xiang ding bu zhu na shi jian
suo yi ni qi quan

and i am so not ever gonna talk to all those ^^^^^ ever ever ever again. i feel STUPID. -yells angrily-

Thursday, August 8, 2002 09:36 p.m.

went home first before watchin' signs with chel. hmms i love the show! there were lotslots of suspense and the show was actually very funny. haha, like humour in the suspense. i laughed, screamed and teared. couldnt stand the audience, the gurls kept screamin' at every single thing. at least i only screamed at the scary parts. i actually teared at the part the wife was talkin to the man! think it's so sad, imagine it's just one fine day and suddenly, u've been notified to see your loved one for the last time bcoz of some stupid driver's mistake. :/ i actually thought the movie's about some satanic signs thing. chey, it's about aliens! hai, think it could have been more interesting though. thought it was pretty cute when the cuuute lil gurl's weird habit actually saved the family. overall, i almost died of laughter and suspense. went to busybody [again] with chel and boon after that. i know chel'll love the oreo shake! never did the stila thing in the end, we all felt super weird. realised my layout really sucked, so decided to change. but this' isnt much better anywyas. :/

so, sinyee managed to memorise the rap part of jay's ban dao tie he, my current fave song. it's okay i can do it one day. hmms. -doubtful look-

maybe love's at the other end of the dream, and unable to survive in the realm of reality. [jay]

Tuesday, August 6, 2002 09:51 p.m.

so, i really love jay chou's new album. but the songs really make me feel bittersweet. okaes so szuyu kai and me are still missing the trip. missin' the instructors [haha], the times we sang and cheered our hearts out and took photos! dunno why, i feel that only 3 of us really missed the camp? went fer snbt election todae. we couldnt help but do all the stuff we learnt during the camp again. haha, stroked fer a while. i miss badminton! :/ discussed about the committee members with the teachers fer quite some time, and took photos wif kai szu mian after that. haa, we had a good laugh about kai's love and szu's golden monkey. of coz, i haf always hide my feelings very well. =) okays, so i don't know when i'll stop thinking about the camp stuff and get on with life. and face the fact that i actually got my prelims time-table todae?! really excited to see the camp photos. ahh! feel like i'm back to myself during the camp. well, campfire and on the bus to be specific. yay, here's a song we sang.

dun lose your way with each passin' day
u've come so far, dun throw it away
keep believin', dreams are fer livin'
wonders are waitin' to start
live your story, faith hope and glory
hold to the truth in your heart

if we hold on together
i know our dreams will never die
dreams see us through to forever
where clouds roll by for you and I

souls in the wind must learn how to bend
seek out a star
hold on to the end, valleys mountains
there is a fountain washes our tears all away
worlds are swayin', someone is prayin'
please let us come home to stay

Sunday, August 4, 2002 09:43 p.m.

i'm just came back! with so much things to say. firstly, camp was really fun and of course, all these were due to the instructors. they were really fun and spontaneous. i know it feels great when ur hair smells fragrant, when u're not wearin socked muddy socks and worryin about the possibility of getting stung by a fly for the 1000th times. but, i miss the camp already! the camp songs are still on the repeating mode in my head. :) it was just such a pity that badminton was split into 2 groups. :/ but we haf the best intructors! [jl and lili]

on the first day, we went to our camp site and built our own tents on specialised areas. okay, the foods really really sucked. there was an average of 20 flies per table i think?! before the hike, we had a hornet drill. when the whistle blew, we had to lie on our stomach on the sandy-dirty-muddy ground and put our hands on our neck. oh and i cant believe i did that! they say a hornet sting on the neck can cause u to turn crazy. so there were many jokes on the way about instructor jl being stung by a hornet. -meaning known- den we went for a hike in the jungle. whoa we seemed to walk fer ages! but it was fun along the way, singing silly songs, even all the chinese new years songs and national songs came out of our mouths! -hides face- i saw 2 milipedes with the thickness of my finger and length of my arm! and there was this biggest spider i ever seen, and it was multi-coloured too. had to walk through streams and steep slopes and my neck ached like mad from looking at the ground. came back, played few team-building games and finally bathed, in toilets where there were toilets holes and yea, quite gross.

then there came the campfire! seriously, it was the best campfire i ever had! jl was really too funny for words and all of them were really entertaining. sang many many songs with actions. it was like we revived our childhood memories, and the instructors were so fun and sporting that we became spontaneous too. soon all of us were singing and cheering in the night. jl ah, really ah, was trying to act sexy, macho and whatever-he-had-up-his-sleeves. we had performances by various groups and i tot my group one kind of sucked. hee so anyway, we didnt even feel embarrassed doing all the stuff, though i never do the shaking-legs-hands-head-butt parts. the best was the echo song. we had to echo whatever jl said and whoa!! we could hear echos so clearly reflected by the forest. team and school spirit were truly displayed, hmm, sth that was hidden fer years. the night sky was so beautiful, decorated by many many countless stars. me and szu and kai attempted to lie in the open fer a while, but of coz we failed, due to osm. i luurrvve star gazing! i sneaked into kai's tent and slept there. couldnt believe there were people studying at the canteen. hmms. i dun even wanna touch a book now. was super disappointed we didnt get to raft or even any water activities. the hike took up too much time.

went for scavenger hunt this morning. felt like it was some amazing race again, but too tired to get enthu. played many stupid and corny games in the small sheltered area. i like the peace-like-a-river thingie, but it's so confusing?! went to the waterfall for like erms 20 minutes and headed back home! time constraint again. den many snbt people changed in the open! my gosh, coz there was too little cubicles. we hid behind the container and changed into our trip shirt. if there's people living in the forest, they've gotta good view! :/ enjoyed singing our hearts out in the bus, while at the same time, got entertained by szuyu's silliness. she suddenly turned very very mad, like me and chel in class sometimes. er yes she accidentally hid her face near kai's whatever. hahahaha. den all of us kept singing rudolph the red nose reindeer and laughed. sometimes badminton can be over-enthu but that's what make us have real fun i guess.

without the instructors, i wouldnt really enjoy the camp i guess. during the whole of yesterday, i was super irritated by somebody. arghs, she was really very domineering and trying to keep close to everybody. really gettin on my nerves. and i felt sick seeing the way she tried to get into people's good books. me and kai both felt so irritated by her. mm. huh, i've got even darker after the camp. okay fine, i'm an authentic oreo. :/

the environment was quite nice and picturesque, with the tall and magnificent rainforest as background. went home feeling quite sad, reflecting the times we had in less than 48 hours. the instructors were really the best i had ever seen, and seriously, it's them who made this camp such an experience worth treasuring. just felt rather bad we never really thanked them for all they had given. :/ they were teasing lili on the bus, haha about some yy conspiracy. hoped they had fun with us, like how we had with them. such a short time, while friendship bonds were strengthened, then suddenly we might never see them again. like what's gonna happen to the sec 4s at the end of the year. good things just don't last long huh?

my first pitas entry was about last year's sports trip. and yippee, today marks the first year anniversary of my pitas [in terms of events]! hee. gettin lame. all exhausted and sleepy, yet in the midst of excitement and bitter sweetness. it's time to doze off, and dream abt all the fun, which had just turned to history.