Friday, October 3, 2003

I had a terrible dream today.

I dreamt that i went to school. And suddenly, the school compound was reduced to a mangled heap of aliens and they soon swirled and vanished into the air. Screaming silence tortured me and i took every step with trepidation. That was then i was teleported to a weird-looking classroom where i was suffocating and unseen by weird-looking classmates. And i saw you, floating and laughing but you soon disappeared to abandon me in the rubble once more. I ran from one strange room to another as they emerged right before my eyes. The walls of the room were made of mirror and i couldnt find any tear that did not reflect my own. And once i saw my ugly tear-stained face, the room crumbled and shards of mirror flew everywhere. Emptiness set in like an intimidating devil that had locked me in his grip. One more shedded crystal tear bead and i knew i would have gone crazy. Somehow, i found my way to this place filled with stories that unfolded themselves. I picked the memoirs of a geisha and was immersed halfway when everything changed and i was back to the macarbe mess again. That was when i saw your floating face again. This time, with another misty figure who resembled me inside you. This wave of euphoria washed over me but happiness was transient. It was all too late. When something you cherish has flown away, you can never get it back again.

And i felt ridiculous when i awoke. It was like feeling ridiculous because i dreamt that i had been such a ridiculous idiot.

stardust brushed dreams at 05:21 p.m.

Friday, October 3, 2003

Been studying with boon/chel/meilin lately at the bishan cc and i am totally exhausted from all those crammings. I was never so unprepared yet nonchalent about exams before. Eeps! Anyways, i think i laughed too much yesterday about some er-hem MIA joke that really cracked the three of us upside down! Even had to try to stifle my giggles when i think about it on the bus. And yes, it's still as funny as ever! :D

Been having a lot of unwanted thoughts these days too, which kind of distracted me from my piles of untouched notes. Have this urge to write something, but think i'll do it at a later time. Till then, study hard people! But at the same time, do take care! :)

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I belive that fate has brought us here
And we should be together babe
But we're not
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
And I'll try to keep my cool, but I'm feenin'

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not here
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not here

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
And I'll try to keep my cool, but I'm feenin'
Macy Gray - I Try

stardust brushed dreams at 12:31 a.m.

Friday, September 26, 2003

Do you know? That i'm just a human. And that i have feelings too. I can't cater to every changing mood of yours.

Hwachong is ranked first and st nicks seventh! Maybe seventh isnt THAT great as compared to some other schools, but at least i think we're great! :D

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
i wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

stardust brushed dreams at 11:00 p.m.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Didnt go to school today. Had a bit of stomachache in the morning plus i really didnt have the mood to get changed and embark on a one hour journey to attend boring lessons. Though i think school can be pretty fun, like goofing around with lamers and cheap thrills to liven up school life like planning what to eat during break and after school and getting all hungry and excited. (......!) Boon and chel wouldnt be surprised by me. Haha. Can't help it, food is one major part of my life. :D Anyway, did attempt to study today and was quite productive. There you see, we should have a study break! -arghs- At this rate, i'm never gonna finish my revision. Bleahs, i seem to be repeating myself exactly one year ago. I'll never learn!

Oh wells. Missing econs lecture came first as a happy thought when i've decided to give school a miss this morning. Heard oily burst into flames and many were really annoyed by her. Despite disliking her and really irritated when she's biased againt me (like all the time), i do find her quite a poor soul. Oh, though i heard she described herself as a piece of thing. -stifles- Especially that scene where meilin and i saw her running after the bus. Don't know why, but it evokes a sense of sympathy in us. Have i gone utterly insane??

This is a call to the color-blind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind a horizon line
Tried to be something true

Yes, I知 grounded
Got my wings clipped
I知 surrounded (by)
All this pavement
Guess I値l circle
While I知 waiting
For my fears to dry

Someday I値l fly
Someday I値l soar
Someday I値l be something much more
Cause I知 bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not the time?
What is there more to learn?
I've shed this skin that I've been chipping at
And I've never quite returned

Bigger Than My Body - John Mayor

stardust brushed dreams at 10:22 p.m.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Was pretty amused by the conversation alan, char, zherui and i were engaged in during chem lecture. We were all recollecting our childhood days in primary school. I conclude that boys have really interesting and silly records in primary school! Like alan used to be a gang leader in his school and he would lead a big group of boys to... collect dragon ball cards. Hahah! And zherui was eating a bowl of laksa and this bad bully came up to him and told him not to trespass their territory. With utmost atrocity, our dear zr splashed a spoonful of spicy orange laksa soup right at the guy's part. (yeah you got what i meant) And all the fights and all. The violence and childishness contained produced such a rib-tickling effect! Haha! Goodness knows what they had up their sleeves..

Was also reminiscing about the days during the first three months with some of the class people. It is pretty interesting to know people's first impressions of yourself, and how first impressions of others as compared to now seemed ridiculous and amusing. I remembered thinking charlene looked like she's from china! Haha, and the oh-so-shy and artistic zherui. Stupid him. Whole nine months have passed and he's still so ever amused dun-ask-me-why-i-dunno-why by my mouth. :( Today is my first time seeing him laugh SO happily, and it's over my mouth! Bleahs. Anyways, i guess everybody still have a rather vivid impression of the first day 69 came together as one, especially those silly games we played outside the auditorium. Not that those games were fun, but because everybody were busily scrutinizing one another and gaining first impressions! Hehs. In retrospect, the first three months in hwachong was well spent with memories still lingering in my head. Like the whole fun week without tutorials, the sneaks to coro and mass skipping of all the redundant activities. How fast time flies. The atmosphere in school now is suffocating me, people walking around with the word STRESS written on their foreheads and faces buried in stacks of notes. Erps. I want promos to be overrr!

I love the song, especially parts of the lyrics! :)

Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies
and it's alright
Bouncin round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you'd know I'd lied

Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say
why don't you and I get together
and take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say
why don't you and I hold each other
and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in

- Santana (featuring alex band in The Calling) Why don't you and i

stardust brushed dreams at 09:44 p.m.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

It was my sister's birthday yesterday and she was at Bangkok. She messaged me and asked me for my shoe size and whether i wanted a pair of nike shoes. Told her not to spend so much money and wished her a happy birthday. My silly sister. She returned home today with a lovely pair of nike shoes and some other garments for me and my family. These two sisters of mine. They have always been showering me with love, concern and presents i feel so lucky and bad, and wish that i can do something back for them! Have been giving them rubbish, silly impractical birthday presents all these years. But of course, sincerity is more important than materialistic value. Gave her this huge pink cushion and a skipping rope (haha she wanted them) just now. Though she didnt scream or jump or excitedly thank me, just a simple thank you, i knew she was touched. Hee. Funny, my family is not the kind that expressess gratitude and appreciation through words, but rather actions in silence. Pardon me i really don't know how to describe the feeling. But i always know there's more joy in giving than receiving. And that i have two of the best sisters in this world. :) Whoa, how lucky can i get.

Tried studying with boon and rach at tanglin mall, then boon and meilin at bishan cc, then boon left and chel came after her church today. I don't understand why 5 hours of genuine study only resulted in one and a half tutorial done. Arghs.

You know, i'm learning to grow through this pain and transforming it into a new form of strength. There will always be shortness in sunset, darkness in the sky and flaws in beauty. There's no perfection in any form, especially not me. It was just a dream i willed into ethereal beauty, hoping i'll never wake up. Perhaps it was just a conundrum i can never crack. And perhaps, you will still see, in my eyes, the faint glow of stars but never disappearing. Just perhaps.

stardust brushed dreams at 11:15 p.m.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

I just thought i'll come online for a while to give myself a break from all those dust flying around the room. Yes, yes, i've finally decided to pack this year's work! Sadly, there were a lot of econs stuff i threw away as they looked really useless and added to the mountainous load of intimidating econs lecture notes. I've counted the number of tutorials i've done this year and these statistics are quite bad it hurts to look at them.

Chem : 9 (oh yay!)
Econs: 0
Maths: 6
Phys : 4

But oh wells, what's done is done. Or rather what's undone is undone. I've put them up here to remind myself that i WILL do every single tutorial and listen to more than 70% of my lectures next year!! Or so i hope. This september holidays has been really fruitless, with zero amount of revision done and many many more hours added to sleeping. Eeks.

Just in case you're happily gobbling on the remains of the mooncakes in the refrigerator, here's something i read FOR FUN in Keeping Fat In Check (published by Department of Nutrition) to add to your misery. One mooncake, filled with lotus seed paste with one egg yolk, baked, contains a total of 45g of fat, which seems really astonishing as compared to one piece of KFC (hot and crispy, thigh) 30g!

New term tomorrow. Good luck to the J2s!

stardust brushed dreams at 11:33 p.m.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

So sad. This world is more superficial that i have thought. Does looks really matter that much?

And i stress again - i had to rush off! I knew nothing someone please please please believe me. Anyways, today hwachong looked pretty pretty! With the strings of colourful lanterns held high across the central plaza and the buzzling drowning atmosphere complete with flying high spirits. Had quite a lovely time just sitting there and we managed to immerse ourselves in the delicate romantic sight, watching sparklers thrown across the field. It was like a pseudo meteor rain. And oh, we did the badge thingie! Was so embarrassed as we (esp rachel!) kept talking on top of our voices while trying to get our photo done. Hahaha! One sad thing is that i rushed off halfway during the mass dance and i forgot almost every step. Boos.

Just a little sweet song to end off the night.

You are so beautiful to me
you are so beautiful to me
can't you see
you're everything i've hoped for
you're everything i need
you are so beautiful to me

stardust brushed dreams at 12:01 a.m.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

I mused upon what you have been saying. The seemingly sound logics that had suffused throughout the minds of many, yet leaving no impressive impression on me. I actually churned out a truck loads of rubbish to overturn, but i realised i'd be doing the same thing as you. So there, i tried to stop.

Even so, you let me realise this wired world of mine has been insulted.

Enough of me. Pardon me.

stardust brushed dreams at 12:54 a.m.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Celebrated meilin's birthday first at sunlight with yan choo, then at marche with huimin, jillian and ivy. i think i will not eat at marche for the next few months! Bleahs, i'm always eating the same ol' food items. But i still love movenpick strawberry ice cream no matter what! :D Yay, glad meilin liked the skirt i gave her and of course, the ultra nice card i made for her was so touching! Muahaha okays that's really lao wang mai gua zi mai zi kua. (gaageeorrlorbuaycaocor in hokkien as wenhooi claimed)

Ha ha i don't care whether it's obvious or not, or was it just a pure coincidence. I am just as sure as meilin about faded fleeting feelings that had been plaguing us. Yay! Beeg thanks to my dear mortal vernon for his -coughs- rabbit ears. Don't worry, i'm so alright now. :)

Guys sing
It feels like something's heating up
can I leave with you?
And ladies
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
really leaving with you
Feels good don't it, come on
It feels like something's heating up
can I leave with you?
Yea, ladies
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
really leaving with you
Show the good to me

Sing it one more time
It feels like something's heating up
can I leave with you?
Ladies
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
really leaving with you
Yea, yea..
It feels like something's heating up
can I leave with you?
Ladies
I don't know what I'm thinking bout
really leaving with you

stardust brushed dreams at 11:24 p.m.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003

I haven't been talking about the conflicting emotions i felt within me these few days. At one point of time, i could be completely convinced by my own belief. Then when someone's slight words seemed to overturn it so effortlessly, there's this sense of loss and obstinacy to accept the truth that remained. Was i building up a false wall of security or taking others' words so easily just to reduce the amount of misery held within? I mix up between the idea of believing and the actual act of believing. But then again, what's the use of believing and believing not? I still don't understand what i truly want and what truly affects me, the reality or false facade that boils down to nothing. Fwah, I'm bewildered.

Two days since holidays started. Zero work done. Arghs.

Anyhow, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEILIN TOMORROW! :D

stardust brushed dreams at 11:10 p.m.

Monday, September 8, 2003

Happy two years to sparkl3.pitas.com. I was combing through the remnants of memories contained in this two years of blogging and this warm fuzzy sensation surged up within me. Frankly, if it isnt for this place, i could have left these memorables with the hands of time, and the old good feeling wouldnt have ignited. Whoa, my writings used to be really incoherent i can't even recall or even have an impression of who or what i'm talking about for some old entries. And the some of my past layouts that i've done are really ugly! Oh wells. I managed to dig out this really sweet corny poem han wrote for me on Friday, August 16, 2002. :) -hugs-

when the rain is falling, when the sky is dark
and you're convinced you're out of luck
dun u werry, life can suck!
but to make u laugh, ill be a duck (quack!)
when your head is spinning and u cant think
and all the homework (yeah they stink!)
ill do something corny
dun u blink and end up dressing all in pink!
and when the life gets low and down
and everyone arnd u cant help but frown
i realli dun know how this will sound
but to make u laugh ill be a clown!
and if u do ever catch a flu im not a doctor
not much i can do but knit a sweater made of wool
and sew across " i love you!"

How sweet! :) Anyways, my family, for the first time, gonna have some stayover at shangrila rasa sentosa resort (dont ask me which word comes first) next week! My sis has this special offer because her friend is having this Wedding By The Sea there. How romantic! Weeee i want to hold my wedding by the sea too! Uh, provided someone will be willing to marry me of course. Haha.

I love this writing by chel. Go here under Sunday, September 7, 2003. Lovely. :)

I found this page containing ALL david tao's lyrics! :) Cool!

stardust brushed dreams at 02:22 p.m.

Monday, September 8, 2003

The sky washed twilight with silver and sprinkled myriad of stars across. I painted endless dreams with these iridescent mass of colors and kept them in a bottle. It floated aimlessly in the seas of thee and finally shattered into fragments of glitter. The moon's shimmering reflection, alongside with the fairydust brushed dreams and scattered silver dew on every sweet petal, ignited a beautiful picture i see in thy eyes, but they stared blankly at me.

stardust brushed dreams at 01:26 p.m.