let's fly to the moon

~ i'd rather you be mean ~
Sunday, November 28, 2004 / 03:54 p.m.

listening to: "Baby Don't You Break My Heart Slow" by Vonda Shepard
feeling: empty

Went shopping with lilian yesterday! Very happy with my purchases. Lip gloss, bracelet and my favourite zara jacket which i really love but feel so guilty about! But i'll work soon! We even took neoprint which came out really well, though we're a little old for that. But aiyah, we're young at heart. Haha. I'm really jealous of all those going abroad but wells, hope i'll enjoy myself at sunny rainy singapore.

I was at the vcd store and was so tempted to buy Chicago vcd and watch it again! Hmmm one day when i feel richer, maybe. Anybody who has Love Me If You Dare, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Shakespeare in Love or the series of Sex and the City vcds please please lend me! Been wanting to watch these films for a long time. I know i have a lot of tasks to complete but i can't remember what. Been idling around these days.

THINGS TO DO:
tidy the notes on the floor
clear my drawer of rubbish
compile all the photos into one beeg album
anymore?

Okay la, i guess i should feel lucky i don't need to worry about my prom stuff. Though i think i'll really look like shit on that day. People around me are panicking! But singapore has really limited varieties. Think if i'm rich i'll just tailor-make my dream gown. Bahh.

And yahhh, i should have known better than to wishfully think you still take me as a good friend, Or worse, remember me. I should have known better!

~~~~~

~ ~
Friday, November 26, 2004 / 12:14 a.m.

Okay! Like a normal person, i ought to exclaim really loudly over here that EXAMS ARE OVER!! But surprisingly, that sense of liberation didn't blow me over. Is it just me, or maybe it applies to people who hadn't study hard enough?

Wells, heck. It's all over, at least. No more naggy feeling at the back of my head or sense of guilt for watching tv anymore. It felt quite good crushing that piece of entry proof. Haha. Went tanning and sauna yesterday and shopping today! Life certainly feels good, but there's just something missing. I don't know what. Maybe sometimes you really shouldnt try to question everything that comes your way. Things do happen without any reason.

Wow, christmas is coming again. I'll think of my dream christmas again. To listen to christmas carols all day and warm my toes near the fireplace. Have the christmas tree glistening and be sprinkled with gold dust while i'll peer out of the window into the soft, snowy background that seems so peaceful and gentle. I'll have so much fun giving out presents and share turkey and drink wine with everybody i love. So cosy and joyful in the spirit of giving.

Though i think i think too much. I never have had a memorable christmas! Nevertheless, christmas always gives me this cosy jingle-belly joyful festive feeling.

I've been feeling really envious and disappointed of late. But i shan't tire myself with these. Hope i'll get to catch up with those people i havent seen for long! :)

~~~~~

~ ~
Saturday, November 20, 2004 / 05:02 p.m.

I just realise the analyses of particular dreams are really accurate. So true that dreams do echo what you want to express from within, though not all the time.

Her dim eyes seemed like lustreless glass beads in the dust. She longed to shatter into iridescent shards of glass, revealing the glow from within. Beautiful, but tragic. Yet nobody was willing to look.

Not in the best of moods, i thought. Till i found out that szuyu's flying back to singapore tomorrow! HEY GIRL tell me if you're using any line and let's plan to go out soon! I can't wait to see you! Miss you so much! Sigh. So long.

~~~~~

~ let's stay together ~
Saturday, November 20, 2004 / 12:55 a.m.

listening to: "Let's Stay Together" by Taufik Batisah
feeling: contented!

Thanks chel! I love this song so so much. My most favourite taufik's performance! I love Al Green's version too. Did anybody catch justin timberlake's version on tv too? Damn good too.

Let's stay together
I, I'm so in love with you,
whatever you want to do,
is alright with me,
'cause you make me feel
so brand-new,
I want to spend my life with you,
let me say that since
since we've been together,
loving you forever,
is what I need.
Let me be the one you come runnin' to,
I'll never be untrue,
Ooo baby,
Let's... Let's stay together,
loving you whether, whether,
times are good or bad,
happy or sad,
Whether times are good or bad,
happy or sad.

Why, somebody?,
Why people break up
oh, turn around and make up?
I just can't see.
You'd never do that to me
(would you baby)?
Being around you,
is all I see.
Here's what I want us to do:
Let's... we oughta stay together,
loving you whether, whether,
times are good or bad,
happy or sad.
(come on)
Let's... Let's stay together,
loving you whether, whether,
times are good or bad,
happy or sad.

~~~~~

~ you just can't change ~
Friday, November 19, 2004 / 09:47 p.m.

listening to: "Bright Lights" by Matchbox 20
feeling: weird

As much as i liked sly in the past, i don't think he deserves to be in the finals. And i really love the way taufik sings! But anyhow, i thought it is scary to have crazy fans gushing over the contestants when the they only appeared on tv for a few months. Like chasing after the bus and stuff.

Oh by the way, i screwed up my physics and econs papers really badly. When i say screw up, i mean screw up. Bahhh. I think it's retribution.

Ahh well, at least they're over, whether i like it or not. Life isn't all about exams! Right? Liberation in five more days! :) Too bad boon and chel ain't coming to take photos with me during my prom anymore. They'll both be away! :( And class photo won't be complete too. Sigh. But i'm not really very excited about it anyway.

I've been having scary feelings nowadays. Like the whole world's very surreal and i don't know what i've been doing. Eeks. Hope they'll go away soon.

baby, baby, baby
when all your love is gone,
who will save me
from all I'm up against out in this world?
maybe, maybe, maybe
you'll find something that's enough to keep you,
but if the bright lights don't receive you,
you should turn yourself around and come on home

~~~~~

~ you were there for summer dreaming ~
Monday, November 15, 2004 / 02:25 a.m.

listening to: "Eternity" by Robbie Williams
feeling: lethargic. all the time.

I spent the entire afternoon watching Fashion Rocks and MTV Movie Awards. How very well-spent huh? I just can't stop procrastinating till the very last moment. Sometimes i can't help but feel like strangling myself.

I was really wondering how fast time really flies. Say, it's been one year since i've had a Friendster account. Friendster still sounds relatively new to me. One year ago, i was busy playing mahjong with umpteen friends. I made more friends and got to know people better on the courts. Last year in november, i was immersed in the vibrance of the buskers' festival with my team. I had a memorable CIP time at New Town Primary. November 14 2003 marked the end of my class chalet. Did anybody remember the cheeky bunch of us playing the hide-in-the-house-without-a-sound trick on the rest of the class who came later? You must be marvelling at my powerful memory. Haha, i cheated. I took a peep at my archives. Well thank goodness, of course, or i would have hurled all the nitty gritty details to the back of my head. I made myself busy last year missing all the goods that i enjoyed in st nicks, while almost forgetting to cherish the present, which is already now, in the past. Boy, is it hard growing up.

~~~~~

~ it's been a long long time ~
Saturday, November 13, 2004 / 12:30 a.m.

listening to: "Ge Qian" by Jay
feeling: sleepyyy

While some are busily building castles in the air, some are struggling to survive on crumbs of their fantasies. And some are so full of themselves they're filled to the brim, and some attempt to croak in front of renowned singers. Some hide their melancholic eyes behind heavy eyebags, while some send the wrong feelings across. I woke up at 0630 just to play badminton. How about you?

~~~~~

~ such a long time running ~
Wednesday, November 10, 2004 / 10:55 p.m.

listening to: "Gravity" by Embrace
feeling: too relaxed

Eeps! I hereby declare that i'll never take 86 and 74 again. Okay, well, at least during my examination days. I spent, say, twenty minutes waiting for 86 yesterday. To top it off, i boarded the slowest 74 ever! Some 74 zoomed past the bus i was on. And i don't know why the traffic lights all seemed to turn red. And passengers asked the driver so many questions he had to keep braking. And.. and.. I was like worrying and looking at my watch every two seconds! I swear my heart nearly jumped out of my mouth. Morever, everybody seemed to turn off their handphones and there were no hwachong students in sight. I was in such a pathetic and flustered state! Ran all the way from the bus stop to the examination room and thank God, i was JUST in time for the paper, all giddy and panting. Can one actually believe i planned to be half an hour early? Sigh! What a traumatic experience. Maybe that's what NEL is for.

Mrs Merriweather
Always searching for
Faults, she said.
She loved it.
That's her life.
Finding faults with people
Seeking pleasure from it
Not knowing
all this while
she has been
looking at
her own
mirror.
ahh you see,
she'll never know.

~~~~~

~ my lover stands on golden sands ~
Sunday, October 31, 2004 / 03:46 a.m.

listening to: "Beyond The Sea" by Robbie Williams
feeling: potato couchy

After watching the news about the awful disaster in japan, i dreamt that we were evacuating the school building as the ground began to shake. It felt so horrible worrying myself sick over my family's whereabouts and safety. And gosh, so depressing as i witnessed buildings after buildings collapse and reduce to heaps of burial grounds. We ended up at the national boundary, which was supposedly where earthquakes wouldn't happen. Erps, don't ask me why. That's the only part that's funny, though not in the dream. The scenes were so vivid, grim and terrifying my heart still felt so heavy when i woke up.

On a lighter note, i saw my dream ferrari at my house carpark! Time to get to know the owner. :D

Okay, not funny.

These days, It wasn't so much of the studying that's driving me nutty, but the pangs of guilt for not studying and the dread that comes along with it. Well, i must thank david tao for lessening the pain during studying. What's probably keeping me sane still, though ironically spouting nonsense here, is firstly the lovely cool weather. The wind's been really soothing and refreshing these days. I wish i had the time and someone to walk in the wind with. Then, the everchanging masterpieces of heaven. I couldnt help but peer out of the bus window and gasp at the pretty blue sky littered with marshmellow clouds everytime the bus rumbled into the highway. You know, with the buildings' jagged edges way out of sight. Peace at heart. Then i'll think of all the future trips i'll embark on, exploring the wonders and beauty of nature. The Europe trip i've planned with sinhui several years down the road better come true.

And lastly, supper! Yes, food. My sister's been buying back supper in the middle of these nights. And we'll gorge ourselves silly (but happy) then regret later. Since we're always eating too much and filling ourselves to the brim.

Speaking of which, there's no supper tonight. Darn, my stomach's growling.

~~~~~

~ let me play among the stars ~
Tuesday, October 26, 2004 / 11:08 a.m.

listening to: "Fly Me To The Moon" by Frank Sinatra
feeling: tumm tee tumm tee tumm

Just an interesting fact. I can know Taufik through a friend of my friend via ten different friends. Haha. And no lah, i'm not crazy over him or anything.

And it's not good to feel sick when exams are nearing. Bleah.

Jingyi was damn hilarious. She told me getting bitten by a dog can kill. (guess she meant a horde of ferocious, hungry dogs??) Then i told her birds can kill too. She asked how. I lied, oh they have poisonous fangs. WHAT?! You should have seen that immediate shock and fear that spread over her face. Haha!

It's really funny that i copied zherui's stupid eraser idea of making the magnet stable. And edwin, who was down the row, did the same exact eraser thingamajig when he saw me doing it too. Haha, imagine all these happening in the seemingly cold, solemn and quiet examination room.

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like on
Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing forever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words
In other words
I love you

~~~~~

~ ~
Friday, October 15, 2004 / 12:02 a.m.

listening to: "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Michael Bubl�
feeling: ________

Why do you always have to mould your opinions to suit others? After all, we are all born different and unique. It's not worth losing yourself for the sake of others. Live for yourself, and stand by your own thinking. People don't get accepted this way.

Singapore Idol tonight was really really rib-tickling. (sinhui will understand)

Haha, i prefer taufik, actually.

Some things just lose their appeal easily, you know?

I prefer to think my world is still rotating in the same manner. Nothing change, not even a leaf rustle. You see, i hate having cold hard reality come crashing down on me.

This whole thing is really taking a toll on me. I reach for my bed every night thinking what a day i've wasted.

Sorry for the many tiny paragraphs. It's getting pretty sick having nothing in your mind you feel strongly about, that you can thrash it out here and get it over and done with. Pretty much how i'm feeling right now, a little here and there. A convoluted mess of everything. Eeps.

~~~~~