. . . . S T U P I D . G I R L. . . . . L A . L I B E R T A D . H E R M O S A . . . .

ACK ++ Tuesday, July 8, 2003

Felt the need to change layout. Again. I love Miho, but I wanted lighter colours! So, it's Audrey Hepburn! "Stupid Girl" is a song by Garbage. The lyrics are behind Audrey. It refers to the character, Holly Golightly(sp?) from Breakfast at Tiffany's. Not Audrey.

Anyhow, BED TIME! Hope you like the layout. I'll tweak it more later.

Melissa se liberó en 04:24 a.m.

I HATE me ++ Monday, July 7, 2003

What the hell is wrong with me? I just drove away the only person who has ever loved me for who I really am with false accusations and this damn blog! I feel like such a bitch. I hate myself right now.

Melissa se liberó en 03:53 a.m.

Dullness ++ Monday, July 7, 2003

Ugh. Is today really Sunday? I guess not, considering the fact that it's after 12 AM. That makes this Monday, huh? Today was unbelievably long. It feels like this morning was three days ago, at least.

Went to church, of course. I was sitting in church, playing with my hair (because I do that when I'm bored), and I decided that I wanted it cut. So I talked to my mom and she cut it for me after dinner. It's not as dreadfully short as I had it senior year and last summer, but it's shorter than it's been in a while. It needed a trim, anyway, so I decided to cut it short for the summer. When the weather gets cooler again, I'll start letting it grow back out. I do want my hair longer. (I think it'd be fun to see if I could pull off Rinoa's style.) But for now, short it is. Once I start growing it out again, I won't cut it off again.

Went to Emily's to help w/ her room. I'm not allowed to paint... u_u; I'm toooooo messy. But I got ! MUWAHA! Nurishment for my nearly-depleted bank account.

Watched the rest of Animatrix. I don't know if I actually want to own it. Certainly won't go out of my way to buy it. If someone gave it to me, I wouldn't complain. There were actually only three or four that I liked out of the nine short films.

Mmm... what else? Watched the Gravi OVAs. Read some fanfiction. Talked w/ Emily and Kris about stuff. ^^ All in all, this evening was fun. The rest of the day, however, was dull.

Melissa se liberó en 02:48 a.m.

Quickie ++ Sunday, July 6, 2003

Blog and bed. Sounds good to me. Just got home, actually. Spent the last couple of hours at Justin's. Not sure why I do that anymore. I suppose because of Matt and Steve. Justin ignores me, unless he wants to ridicule me or pick on me. -_- I need to hook up with Steve and Matt away from Justin's. (As much as I hate to say that...) I can't purposefully put myself around that. It only depresses me. I swear, I cannot get over my feeling for him! As much as he hurts me and pisses me off, I can't not love him. It's like I try to close off my heart to him and he does or says something that makes me open it a crack... enough cracks, though, and I'm going to end up inviting in all of the pain that was there before.

Anyhow, rented Animatrix. Watched the first five shorts w/ Emily before heading over to Justin's. Mm... talked to Adam for a little while at Hollywood Video. That was... interesting. That be all. I'm exhausted (not physically, mind you, but exhausted nonetheless) and bed sounds very good. I have to go to church in the morning. How long am I going to force myself into that mold before I have enough, I wonder?

Melissa se liberó en 02:06 a.m.

Happy 4th! ++ Saturday, July 5, 2003

*sigh* Fourth of July. Can't really say that it's my favourite holiday. This year wasn't as bad as past years have been, though. I stayed over at Emily's last night. It was actually an accident. We watched "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days" with Chelsea, then we sat talking about all sorts of crap. (I got seriously pissed at Justin during that conversation, because I found out that he lied to me on several occasions.) We played a round of "What If"! It's been forever since we played that! That's a game where someone (usually Emi, she's good at it) starts a scenario with "What if..." and you have to fill in the blanks every once in a while with how you would respond to the situation. It's kinda like a verbal choose your own adventure. The last time we played, my scenario involved Matt. This time it was Steve. lol It was a lot of fun! Went on for an hour and a half. Usually they only last... an hour, tops.

Anyhow, so Emily and I went to sleep around 6 this morning, and we got up around 3 or 4 this afternoon. Then I came home and my famly went on a picnic. -_-; I don't really like picnics. If I were to go on one, I would much rather have it be with friends. Anyhow, so we went on a picnic at Fox Run Park, then headed over to Palmer Lake for the fireworks show. It was a lot of fun, actually. I love fireworks! It looks like someone shoots a bunch of gems out of a rifle into the sky. ^^ I especially like the ones that whistle and spiral. We stopped at Sonic on the way home after the show. :D Fun!

Anyhow, that was about it. I read the Dante's Inferno levels of Hell thing. O_O SCARY! If I wasn't already a believer, I would certainly repent after reading those! They made me want to CRY!! Go read them, you'll understand~!

Melissa se liberó en 01:05 a.m.

boredom... ++ Tuesday, July 1, 2003

You're the girl no game can go without. You get
the guy, the glory, and the most hate. Sorry
to say you're usually hated by both male and
females alike. Maybe its because you're just
so... wimpy. Try doing something for yourself
for a change and stop whining... its
annoying.

Example of a Damsel/Love Interest: Rinoa
Heartilly.

What female stereotype of Final Fantasy(ps) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hehe... Just the tip of the iceberg. I'm collecting personality quizzes of Visions. I'm bored. Again. Nobody is online... I should prolly just go take my shower, anyway. I would say I should go to bed, but I can never sleep at this time...

Melissa se liberó en 09:58 p.m.

etc., etc., etc. ++ Tuesday, July 1, 2003

Today was a good day, for the most part. It started out horribly, but it got better, thank God. I had to take Jennifer's car to Jiffy Lube. The guy there was a jerk. Then I went to Emily's house. Helped her take some of the border off the wall in her room. Her mother is willing to pay me a minimum of to help w/ Emily's bedroom and the basement. I need the money.

Other than that, I... didn't really do much of anything. Tried to watch The Gangs of New York with my family at dinner, but I left less than half-way through. They talked too much and my mother had a fit over a sex scene. (Don't really blame her, though. It was blatant, vulgar sex. On a wooden table, no less.) I want to watch the movie, but I'll do it later.

Tried to watch Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. I borrowed the disk from Emily. It doesn't work on my computer. u_u; Oh! Got Morango up! :D YAY!

Melissa se liberó en 08:50 p.m.

MORANGO! ++ Tuesday, July 1, 2003

That's a fun word, isn't it?? Anyhow, that's the name I have decided on for my site. It's from the Portugese word for strawberry, "o morango". Anyhow, I'm coding the layout and blogging AT THE SAME TIME! Hehe... Multi-tasking!

Actually, that's really all I wanted to say. For the rest of my day, read my earlier post.

Melissa se liberó en 01:53 a.m.

BOREDOM!! ++ Monday, June 30, 2003

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

So, I'll go to Purgatory. Good to know, I suppose.

Uhm, anyhow, I'm all lethargic and stuff. I wanna watch Ayashi no Ceres!! I wanna finish it! Even though they changed a lot when they animated it. The manga was much better. Also want to watch the Gravitation OVAs and 'Witch Hunter Robin' and 'Now and Then, Here and There'. I'm going to borrow that from Justin. I hear that it's really depressing, but I still want to watch it.

*YAWN* I'm really bored. I wanna dooooooo something!! I'm booooooooooored!!

Melissa se liberó en 06:40 p.m.

MOOD SHIFT! ++ Saturday, June 28, 2003

Actually, more of a mood PLUMMET. I went to bed about an hour ago, woke up about ten minutes ago feeling disgustingly DEPRESSED. I'm not even really sure why. I just felt really lonely. (If you know me, you know that I hate feeling lonely.) I tried to go to sleep, but I was too depressed. So I got out of bed. At first, I wanted to call Justin. (Sort of out of habit. After all, When I was depressed @ school, I talked to Justin.) I got online to see if he was on so I could ask him if it was okay to call, but then I felt really silly. So I'm sitting here. Depressed.

*sigh* I kind of wish that Soliloquy would make an appearance. Last time I was depressed he/she/it got me distracted from that. Gave me something else to think about. I really want to be distracted right now.

Anyhow, that's really about it. u_u; This is a really crappy feeling, you know?

Melissa se liberó en 10:47 p.m.

-_- ++ Saturday, June 28, 2003

What a day... Emily spent the night last night. We went to get the tire fixed this morning. It took a really long time b/c it cost and Dad thought it would be free, so he didn't give me any money.

Anyhow, Emily and I spent the afternoon with Heath. That was a lot of fun. He has such a cool apartment! I can't wait to have my own place.

I was sort of thinking that I would try to hang out w/ Justin tonight (watch a movie or something). But he seems against that. So now I'm bored. And my stomach is a little upset. I'm not having the best day. I hate boredom. It's a waste of time. The day started okay, but now I'm bored.

Melissa se liberó en 06:48 p.m.

What a Night ++ Friday, June 27, 2003

Okay, so since my last post, I have run into my dad's parked car, blown a tire on the mini van, and probably taken ten years off my life. I owe my parents for the tire and the damage to the car (dented it and took some paint off). I don't have a job. Gods, why me? Why me??? I was having a good day, too. (If you exclude the boredom, that is.) *sigh* Why doth the universe hate me so?

Anyhow, Justin found translations for (or translated... something like that) the Japanese that Soliloquy put in the tag board. Now I'm uber-curious as to who it is. "Beyond this road, running on far and long Must surely be something we can believe in" and "The hot emotions that have begun to disappear Glitter and wave once more Within my heart". Very lovely. But who is it??

I feel really cold all of a sudden. I hate it when this happens... Eto... I'm moving along in megatokyo. Largo is delusional and very, very funny. He's an uber-freak! And I love Miho! She's hilarious. Piro is prolly my fave, though. He's so freakin' adorable!! (Nerdy anime/dating-sim obsessive.) ^^;

Anyhow, that be all. Ciao~

Melissa se liberó en 12:14 a.m.

NAKED MOLE RAT!! ++ Thursday, June 26, 2003

(I like naked mole rats. Don't you?)

Let's see... I feel mildly drugged-ish. My sisters decided to take on a moth with household cleaners. It was slightly noxious. Windows open now. Airing out.

Didn't do much today. Have to re-apply for my student loan. Found that out. Made this layout!! Tohya Miho from megatokyo!!! WAI~!

Gotta run now. Going to Emi's for AMVs.

Melissa se liberó en 10:18 p.m.

AOL sucks... ++ Thursday, June 26, 2003

(dammit, I hate AOL)

I had most of an entry completed... SUMMARY! Went to Tree Types and I'm a "Maple Independence of Mind No ordinary person full imagination and originality shy and reserved ambitious proud self-respect hungers for new experiences sometimes nervous many complexes good memory learns easily complicated love life wants to impress." Sounds pretty close, if you ask me. Not exact, but close.

Need to talk to Justin. I put it off Tues. and Wed. Need to just do it. Hanging out w/ Emi and Heath Saturday. Other than that... nothing. My life is actually pretty dull.

Melissa se liberó en 01:18 a.m.

Relations... ++ Monday, June 23, 2003

GODS! I don't know how much longer I can live here. My dad came home today in a foul mood b/c I was on the phone when he was trying to call Jennifer, and he immediately started attacking me! I got on the computer and he came in demanding to know whether I had done any job searching or interviews today. He knows perfectly well that I couldn't do anything today b/c I didn't have any transportation. And when I pointed that out to him, he said that I know that I can get a vehicle any time I want, I just have to ask. Then he went off on how I don't understand that I need to get a job. I pointed out that he doesn't seems to understand that the job market is shit right now - nobody is hiring! "Well that's odd, I'm constantly hearing about people getting hired." Translation: the children of the people he works with are getting jobs while I sit at home. So I'm an embarassment, am I? I pointed out that I have no training or experience in anything other than fast food and that businesses generally don't like that. I said that maybe those people who are getting jobs have experience in other areas. He said (his weakest argument) that they're all my age. -_- NO SHIT! That makes no difference whatsoever!

I asked my parents to treat me like an adult. Is this how they do it? By making me feel unwelcome and unworthy to stay in this house? I almost wish that Justin and I were living together - at least that way I would be out of here. I swear, nobody has the ability to make me feel more like a non-human than my father. 60% of the time, I feel like I'm nothing but an embarassment to him. And the other 40% we joke around in a way that (if you didn't see us) seems almost like we aren't related at all. Doesn't he understand that I would do anything to have his approval? I love my father and the fact that he acts the way he does is... It's a shitty way to treat your family.

Melissa se liberó en 04:33 p.m.

AAAAAAAAGH!!!! ++ Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Right. Look, I know that this layout as it is now is slow as hell loading, but when I tried changing it so that the image was cut up, etc, it simply would not work. So, until I can figure it out or get help or whatever, you'll simply have to put up with it as-is. I'm sorry, I can't handle that crap tonight.

Now then! I hate Justin. I hate him because I can't hate him!! Damn him!! Like I was saying to Kate yesterday, what right did he have to screw my life up the way he did? Why me...? I keep asking that. Why did he pick me? I was perfectly happy with my singleton existance. I was happy considering him a friend. So why did he have to choose me to have a crush on? And why did I have to fall for him? GODS! I really really hate this.

Sorry. The self-pity is over... for now. ^^;; Harry Potter 5 comes out in 2 days! (Thrilled.)

OH! I'm at the Calm Lands on my FFX game! :D I just went through Bevelle, fought Seymour again (he's a bitch... just won't freakin' GO AWAY!), went back to Macalania Woods, had the cute moment between Yuna and Tidus. Now, on to the Calm Lands! And after that, Mt. Gagazet, then Zanarkand and Yunalesca. *EEK!* I watched Emily fight Yunalesca b/c I was curious. GOD! If Seymour's a bitch to fight, Yunalesca's a whore. She has 3 forms that you fight! She does zombie and curaga and regen and MEGA DEATH! It scared me!! Don't wanna fight her!!! *SOB*

Uhm... yeah. Wow. That was interesting. :p And so I'm done for tonight... ^^;;;

Melissa se liberó en 11:16 p.m.

Can YOU feel the hybrid rainbow? ++ Friday, June 13, 2003

Muwahaha!! I found my Pillows CD! And my flip flops. :D Am I really that much of a nerd...? Anyhow, I played more on FFX! (I need to get a PS2... and the game... and a memory card... ^^;;;) I can't wait for FFX-2~! November 3. XD

What else...? I went to a job fair for the new mall today. Put in an application at 2 stores and left a resume at a third. Honestly, only having fast food experience is a huge strike against me, I think. It was an easy way of making money in high school, but people don't tend to like to hire someone who's only worked at fast food joints. So I wonder if I'll get a job. God, I hope so.

And now, as promised, a full rant of the last attempted hang out time w/ Justin:
It started out awkward. When Emily and I got to Justin's house, he was in his room and everyone else was watching anime (DNA^2. Waste of brain cells.). I mmediately felt like I shouldn't be there. Then Emily and I went to Justin's room (followed Matt down there). First he wouldn't give Emily a hug (I didn't even try), then he didn't say anything to me at all. That went for most of the night. When he finally spoke to me, it was to tease me for not speaking (I didn't talk much) or to answer questions I would ask him and Steve about D&D. *sigh* Anyhow, as I was walking out the door (@ 2 AM!), herubbed my back and grabbed my bra-strap. I wasn't sure if he was going to snap it or unhook it or even if he was going to let go at all.

So, there it is. The Reader's Digest Condensed version, obviously. I want to yell at him. Tell him that it is okay to be friends.

Anyhow, that be all! 8 days to Harry Potter 5!!

Melissa se liberó en 01:08 p.m.

Short Note ++ Tuesday, June 10, 2003

Muwaha! Do you like the new style? (If not: who asked you?) The title: La Libertad Hermosa is Spanish for Beautiful Freedom.

Anyhow! :D Yay! I uploaded my site at alighieri.net finally. The URL is http://melissa.alighieri.net. I think you should go look. Actually, there's not a whole lot there. I'm working on things, I swear!!

Hung out @ Justin's last night. 'Twas awkward and... confusing. Full rant to come at a later time. Katie kept bitching all day about me being on the comp and how she wasn't able to talk to her friends. Here's a concept: GO OUT WITH THEM!!!

Anyhow, she finally went to bed, and I have peace. For now at any rate.

Must run. Ciao~

Melissa se liberó en 10:37 p.m.