if you made any sort of sense at all, maybe i'd listen.

bleeding mercury on Friday, July 18, 2003@08:38 p.m.
 guestbook




got this in the mail. i don't know how true it is. but we'll see.

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?

It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?

It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?

It isn't Love, it's Luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?

It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?

It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?

It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?

It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?

It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?

It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?

It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?

It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?

Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?

Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?

Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?

Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?

Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?

Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?

Then it's Love.

Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
Because it's...
Love

bleeding mercury on Thursday, July 17, 2003@10:29 p.m.
 guestbook




oh i hate the sermons too.

bleeding mercury on Thursday, July 17, 2003@09:48 p.m.
 guestbook


sick.

ugh. i'm quite worried.

my little cousin, chloe, is quite sick. she's been having a fever two weeks now. right now, she's in hospital, with a fever over 40 degrees. white blood cell count is low, and she's having liver problems. my aunts are all quite worried, they didn't call her dad till yesterday, and her mom's on the way home from US now.

my neighbour just got discharged from ICU. she had a high fever too. low white blood cell count too. doctors have no idea what's wrong with her, had to extract bone marrow for her.

my heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer.

bleeding mercury on Wednesday, July 16, 2003@08:23 p.m.
 guestbook


gays. etc.

This morning, before I went to school, I sat down like I always do at the dining table, and flipped to the Forum page. I used to get majorly irritated at all the ridiculous letters people sent in. Nothing has irked me this much in a long time. This letter, immediately caught my eye - 'Govt should rethink hiring of gays'. First glance at the headline, and I had 'WHATEVER' running through my head, but then I started reading the letter, and I was majorly pissed off for the rest of the morning.

Essentially, mr George Lim is christian, and is quite screwed in the head. I quote 'I accept a criminal, a gay, a gangster or a hooligan, but I reject his behaviour. Why? Because as human beings we have a conscience to distinguish between what is good and what is bad.' wtf la. That makes no sense at all. It is people like him who put me off the religion so. When I go to church, and I get views like that imposed on me, I just get disgusted. What is it about immoral behaviour? What does it have to do with governing a country? And I'm quite sure that you can just ban gays. He claims that most gays are sexually abused. Generalization. Thanks. Ask any gay you see on the street, if you can find one. I'm sure they've been sexually abused.

It's all about freedom of choice isn't it? Why does it always have to go back to religion? To the bible, or whatever holy book, or set of rules that dictated our way of life for centuries, and were probably written by men, not necessarily greater than ourselves. Why do we have to be governed by them? Especially after having advanced so many years, we have evolved, but the religious rules remain stagnant. It's just keeping to a faith, something that most normal people seem to need. They need standards to live by, and they want other people to live by these same standards. I, for one, don't see a reason why I have to. And therefore, I don't like it when people come, rulebook in hand, telling me what they see fit should be done.

And the next person, talked about how it's only natural to run to the opposite sex. (tiger to tigress). Did he actually do the research? There is at least a couple of hundred species out that that are homosexual animals.

Screw him. Screw the other fellow too. Forgive me if I sound incoherent, but I'm tired, and I just want to vent it somewhere. The funny thing was, I was on the verge of going back to church. But now I know there's no chance of me doing so, cos I know I'll just keep getting pissed off everytime I have to listen to this rubbish.

bleeding mercury on Tuesday, July 15, 2003@09:02 p.m.
 guestbook




no. that was for a person who i hope and know will have no chance of ever reading it. yes, i know i've changed. i don't know about you. it does look like a 180 degree flip in character. we evolve. evolution didn't take us down the same path. we want different things at different stages of our life. what i want now is fun. and that could probably hurt people along the way. but i don't want to live life with regrets. i don't want to miss out. does that seem selfish? maybe. probably. but it's how i am. at least, now.

bleeding mercury on Sunday, July 13, 2003@08:47 p.m.
 guestbook


f5!

heh. it's time for my friday five, once again, late. even later than the last time.

1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?

yup i do :] in st nicks, was evelyn hm. we were in the same class for four years i think. then went to rgp, and so on, kinda lost contact.

2. Are you still in touch with this person?

kinda.. she's in rj now. hibye.

3. Do you have a current close friend?

yup. a few. it's hard to have one close friend cos they can't really share everything you want to tell them about.

4. How did you become friends with this person?

erhm. i said hi to them? most likely school.

5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why?

nope. not in particular. but i'd probably be interested in how they're doing now, what they're doing etc. oh prolly primary school classmates. wonder where everyone is now.

bleeding mercury on Sunday, July 13, 2003@10:15 a.m.
 guestbook


thinking.

I'm dying to know
do you do you like dreaming of things
so impossible or only the practical
or ever the wild or waiting through all your bad bad days
just to end them with
someone you care about
and do you like making out
and long drives and brown eyes
and guys that just
don't quite fit in
yeah do you like them
So yes, I'll see you there.

bleeding mercury on Saturday, July 12, 2003@09:11 p.m.
 guestbook


meant to live for so much more...

heh. had damn a lot of fun yesterday. ponned math and chem, and left school at 11 with the j1s. cabbed to nsc. then we changed and walked to the breakwater to watch the girls sail. damn prickly painful route to go by lolx. and we saw a slug along the way. then the j2s came by and picked up the flag, and didn't let us get on :( just baked in the sun then finally wenqi came along and let us ride the powerboat.. didn't really get to see much la. sailing is not a spectator sport :| sucks ass. then went back to shore, cos the man wanted his boat back. had lunch, wanted to play bridge but then someone came and scolded us wth. twice. so we ended up like quite stoning.

was pouring cats and dogs after prize presentation, so they hung around taking pictures. gays! haha :) shouldn't mention names la, but was quite funny watching them. laughed till my stomach hurt. then they were doing limbo. andrew is damn good at it =p finally got to town at like 8, but glasshouse was jampacked. queue was bloody freaking long. so went to marche, queue was still freaking long. so waited outside. went into the trickshop. found some weird shit. serious. there was textured shit hahah. mz yelped. and handled this silly pen that gives you a shock when you press it. :| sucksy. no fun la! put the spider and snake on lulu and he didn't even respond hrmph. then had dinner at about 9+, zhaoed at 10.30. great job there. anyways grats :) even tho i wasn't around the first three months, i'll def miss the j2s when they're gone. hai.

went to town today. was gonna stay home and do hw and be guai and maybe go out in the evening la. but my plans were spoiled hrmph!!! tricksy people. quite cool, ran into marcus at mambo, with his ac friends. and michelle. lolx. watched 2 fast 2 furious. tmd. all the cars in singapore SUCK. if you saw paul walker's car in the beginning, you'll just faint la. it's tmd cool! and devon aoki is not -that- pretty, the lines she had in the movie sucked. she sounded like a freaking bimbo can. and her hot pink car, and pink screen in the car. wah. wanna die. : paul walker is hot. ok. don't say anymore la. wonder if he fits the list we made on tuesday :) haha.

Fumbling his confidence
And wond'ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside


bleeding mercury on Saturday, July 12, 2003@08:02 p.m.
 guestbook


hi, do i know you?

there are things i want so much, but i really won't want to have. does that make sense.

>>oh well. school was quite ok today. then after that, went to town. dropped meizhen's books off at the library. then really stoned in kino for like at least 1 hour +++++ she was checking out stationery, and i was erm. browsing books. yeah. then finally we started flipping 101 dumb laws & 101 dumb warning labels (i.e. 'warning: hot' on metal heating devices) and erh. japanese unuseless objects. there were quite a few ridiculous looking objects, like the all-day tissue holder. :| surely.

>>then decided that there was time to spare, so well. played pool at monster. rawr. broke. and the med fac shirt is quite yellow and my skirt is quite green. and nothing quite matches. yeah and mz rocks at pool now. ok. i didn't win a single game hi. beware la.

bleeding mercury on Wednesday, July 9, 2003@07:03 p.m.
 guestbook




i'm beginning to feel the effects of school. and i don't understand how i could have missed it during the hols.

why bother? we try so hard. yet we fail at the very things we try to do.

feels quite pointless updating. i should just shut this down. wonder how all the ns boys are doing out there.

bleeding mercury on Tuesday, July 8, 2003@06:53 p.m.
 guestbook


what i've been up to:

friday

saturday

sunday

today

good luck guys. sux that we'll only be there friday.

bleeding mercury on Monday, July 7, 2003@08:39 p.m.
 guestbook


hoho

there goes my comments function. i put quite a bit of effort into the guestbook design. so i shall make you people sign it instead. : please?

bleeding mercury on Monday, July 7, 2003@01:19 p.m.
 guestbook




heh. ok was gonna write a long farewell love letter to my discman. but decided not to. :b got a new one! finally. after 5 years.

anyway. new guestbook design :) finally got it up. go and sign it can :]

gotta go. mom shooing me.

bleeding mercury on Sunday, July 6, 2003@10:34 p.m.
 guestbook


friday five! (on saturday)

my virgin attempt at friday fives:

1. What were your favorite childhood stories?

berenstein bears! enid blyton, nancy drew, this big picture book with matilda the mouse, a wrinkle in time, heidi, roald dahl, brothers grimm & hans christian andersen. erh. charlotte's web. woo. okay that's a lot

2. What books from your childhood would you like to share with [your] children?

hrm. harry potter! lolx. doctor seuss cat in the hat :b course, the fairytales. hm. probably most of the ones mentioned above. and shel silverstein :) oh yea, little prince. mythology. how could i forget? greek & norse

3. Have you re-read any of those childhood stories and been surprised by anything?

yeah. when i get really bored, and want some super easy reading, i read 'em. don't really remember anything shocking.

4. How old were you when you first learned to read?

somewhere between two & three. had those purty red & white word flash cards lolx.

5. Do you remember the first 'grown-up' book you read? How old were you?

can't remember, depends on how 'grown up'. but probably when fantasy came along. ten?

next time, i shall remember to do them on fridays :|

bleeding mercury on Saturday, July 5, 2003@11:03 a.m.
 guestbook


back to you

erm. i'm still here :

hai. was playing this mp3 cd downstairs, and 'back to you' came on. i'm not happy. probably brought on by hormonal influences. will be over shortly. but anyways the song is horribly depressing. ): don't listen to it. ugh.

some songs you can feel the happiness in 'em when you hear them. this song all you feel is UGH. go away. it's not a sucky song. it just makes you feel sucky. least the next song, 'somewhere out there', was more uplifting. don't get how he can make such happy songs and then such a sad song. i.e. no such thing, that's a happy song. cheers me up tons.

ta. back to the musick.

bleeding mercury on Thursday, July 3, 2003@03:43 p.m.
 guestbook


them&me!

i'm addicted to them.

heh.

bleeding mercury on Thursday, July 3, 2003@10:23 a.m.
 guestbook




hi,

it's been awhile. haven't really talked much in ages, not to you at least.

i think we're drifting apart again. it doesn't help that we don't have time for each other. and i really regret that. it's quite sad when i talk and you don't respond, but it's also nice to know that you'll always be there if i need you. //what we want is only what we want until it's ours// think about that. i don't need a reason for the way things have to be.

i've thought about it a lot. i think i did put alot of effort into this and i think we should treasure what we have or had together. yeah, we should stick together. //i won't give up if you don't give up//

i just want to say thank you! even if you haven't been there all the while (perhaps because your server broke down), you've been a superb friend.

thank you blog!

love, an incredibly bored person.

----------------------------------

i can't believe how the common tests have turned us into bloody lifeless muggers. it's like 180 degree flip in character for a lot of ppl :b and habits too. it musta been the remnants from last years' o's mugging. never actually mugged before that :| it feels like two different lives, before the hols, we had tons of fun la, slack everyday, go sailing, etc. come common test time, and it's not even counted, and we're all holed in wherever we mug, no cca, just studying like crap. feel quite isolated. i'm quite glad the common test week will be over soon, then life can go back to normal.

anyways, when i study at home, i'm usu downstairs, and i hafta have either music playing or the tv on. when i hear a good song, i scribble it on the top of whatever foolscap i'm writing on haha. i hafta go find all the songs after the cts lol. also have to start on pw. was gonna do it during hols, but sadly, once i realized my schedule wasn't gonna work out, mugging became the priority (notice how i didn't give up my tv time urps). math was ok. econs was ok considering i gave up mugging for it. chem was ok, but was damn stoned cos i couldn't sleep. probably made tons of careless mistakes but oh well. it's over. csi tonight. :)

bleeding mercury on Wednesday, July 2, 2003@01:17 p.m.
 guestbook


sweetness&thememories

stoning as usual. turned on mtv. and there it was. somewhere out there.

... All we are is all so far.

I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me.

Well I know,
I know.

You're falling out of reach.

I know...

===

and then, this:

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where I wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

i'm sure you know what i mean. (:

bleeding mercury on Thursday, June 26, 2003@02:08 p.m.
 guestbook


more malaysia

woo. on page 629 of the order of the phoenix. very happy cos that means maybe i can start studying tmr if i don't get waylaid by shopping partners haha :)

i won't move to malaysia just cos of the soft water. it's one of the only things that might inspire me to. haha. ok maybe could move else where. 'sides that.... the air here stinks. there's a haze all over the city. can see it from the highway. and smokers everywhere. i don't know if they still allow smoking ads, but i'm being attacked by smoke. oh yeah. you know i was so hyper over that malaysian ns thing? it's a bit of a sham. apparently only three intakes a year, all my cousins a year older missed it. and like the thing is... it's for three months, bet they won't get to handle any weaponry. can't even get them in shape lol. AND get this, it's totally random. like maybe one in three get picked. (if i remember right, and i probably don't) haha.

anyways, after brunch, spent the next four hours in klcc. lost our car haha. didn't get much shopping done, cos there's no 'great singapore sale' and the prices are pretty much the same. then zipped to aunt's house for dinner. and spongebob. ooh. back to my book. only about 150 pages more!

Feeling: Insanely on top of the world.

if you want to feel happy, you'll be happy :] alright, dumb brother's grumbling about his levelling.

bleeding mercury on Sunday, June 22, 2003@10:30 p.m.
 guestbook


malaysia truely asia?!!!

this malaysian trip has totally ruined my studying plans haha.

firstly, i am now the proud owner of harry potter and the order of the phoenix. that means that i will spend the next few days till i finish the book holed up in my comfy corner of the world. surprising i know, since i don't read. but harry potter is umm very light reading. kinda like enid blyton. and i'm highly encouraged by the fact that my brother started reading at 11 (when we started our little car journey to malaysia) and finished at 11. add on all the breaks he had to take.

secondly, shopping. yeah. i know there's no sale here. and i know that it's probably more expensive. and i know that the only place i can probably definitely maybe get anything is klcc. went today. it was absolutely crowded. : what with everybody (EVERYBODY) in there for the foodcourts, just walking around the park outside, and then started raining so everyone came in. bloody crowded place. we're going back there on monday to shop.

thirdly, eating and going out. agh. haha was my grandpa's bday celebrations today. not supposed to celebrate, so we just had a quiet gathering at their house on jln templer :) try two baskets of crabs, steamed, fried with chilli, chilli sauce, ginger, butter, etc. basically we stuffed ourselves with crab. then hokkien cha! tmr we have brunch with both grandmas and grandpas. dimsum. hai.

fourth, and quite importantly, i'm staying at my aunt's place. she's in bali! haha. i've been allocated my little cousin chloe's room. just so happens, that this is the room with the computer in it. i know i know, that the cable here is excruciatingly slow and lagged, but whaddya know. computer access in my room finally :|

today is the first time i have been in the crv :b haha. it's damn high. you can't get outta it properly if you're in a skirt. it's not really all -that- comfortable, but relatively more so compared to a boat. hahah. it's quite funky. yeah. mother complained that JOHN MAYER was too noisy for her.

and. no sailing today. no sailing tmr. AGH. take me to port dickson someone, i need to sail. hopefully we're going on wed. probably no sailing next sunday too. wth.

bleeding mercury on Sunday, June 22, 2003@12:44 a.m.
 guestbook


away

I'm going to Malaysia tomorrow :] and I'll be back next Tuesday, so be good! haha.

Quite productive today. I think. I haven't posted song lyrics here for a long time. This one's for you:

This may be the last thing that I write for long
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song,
for you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope,
that you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that it would be this way,
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade.
Now I'm gone, just try and stop me now.

And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.
                - the last song.

bleeding mercury on Friday, June 20, 2003@08:51 p.m.
 guestbook


mine?

shh. i gave in to your demands :) haha. poor gollum. banished back to boomspeed to potter around my preciouss things. anyway, i intended to spend today mugging. but what can i say? i'm a horrible failure. i tried to. went downstairs and mugged in front of the tv (watching everything there was to watch including chicago hope mm.) for like an hour. then i came back up here for like 3 hours. hai. maybe i should start praying really really hard. there is no way in hell i'm gonna finish the syllabus :

haha ok i found out a lot of people didn't go on saturday. that makes me feel slightly better. just slightly. ugh. it worries me when i'm not worried when other people are worrying more than i'm worrying. it better not rain tomorrow!

Listening to: starstruck!/good charlotte

look at you now, struck by a star
look no one's watching, go find out who you are

bleeding mercury on Tuesday, June 17, 2003@02:55 p.m.
 guestbook


... you and I wouldn't change a thing...

We sailed topper yesterday! :| haha. Don't laugh can. Damn irritating, water kept sloshing into the boat from the front and the sides. Quite freaking sad.

Then sent the bunch to NSC cos they wanted to catch seniors at prize giving, but then when we drove out, saw them at the bus stop! :b

Went to eat at this Thai restaurant at Boat Quay. Pretty good food :) The tom yam soup was friggin hot. Had pineapple rice and honey chicken and glassnoodles with pepper crab haha. Then we took a walk up Boat Quay then back to the car. Got dropped off at Marche at Heeren and joined the rest of 'em. Stoned there till 9.30 then left for Cine, where we had dessert! :)

Dad called when I was at the mrt, and when I was at the lift lobby.. -_- duh. Where -is- everybody anyway?!

bleeding mercury on Monday, June 16, 2003@11:29 a.m.
 guestbook




It appears that no one likes Gollum. :| Everyone thinks he's chou, but he's actually cute once you get to know him. Yes. I don't know why I'm at home on a Saturday night. AGH. Everyone's gonna come home and tell me how much fun they had. bleh.

bleeding mercury on Saturday, June 14, 2003@08:41 p.m.
 guestbook




Yale
Yale You're second best, and you know it. Still, those
riding the crimson wave may be slightly
smarter, slightly more prestigious, but you
know you're hipper. I mean, you're not hip --
your a nerd, for fuck's sake -- but you're
hipper.

Which Ivy League University is right for YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm. I haven't done quizzes in ages.

We went out to have lunch at Mos. bleh. Then we walked to Paradigm, only to find the place full. Back to Meridien, to find the rates at 10.80 :| Then walked to Mambo. Along the way we saw this pool world sign. Walked around the building like idiots trying to find the entrance haha. Ended up playing at Mambo for an hour just so we wouldn't have to pay 10.80 per hour. duh. Then we stoned at Lido, ate some more. I have amazing capacity for small meals (: Rushed back for dinner... Was walking back home, when Shaun called me to tell me that Hx was already in Brunei and that the 0230 was THIS morning, and he actually meant 9pm yesterday! Felt quite stupid. Lucky I didn't hang around town till dinner time haha.

I'm quite hungry now. Hmmm. Yeah I still don't have an id, and still haven't asked parents. Ho hum. I have at least settled my dental appointment though. I hate dentists. They poke around in your mouth with sadistic pleasure, and earn money and you don't actually know if they're doing the right things to your teeth.

bleeding mercury on Friday, June 13, 2003@06:36 p.m.
 guestbook


ooh la mer!

Haha. Ok, so my playlist didn't have the usual goo goo dolls, matchbox twenty, lifehouse, calling, vertical horizon etc. too bad. I just downloaded all of them. just because you listen to umm. boybands? or what? nevermind -_- who cares as long as I like it.

Spent yesteryesternight filing all my notes, only to have my mother tell me the next day that if I didn't pack my room, I couldn't go out. :| party pooper. She sent me into a cleaning frenzy, which was just as well. Can't believe I still have toys from ten years ago. All that dust stirred up in my room bleh. I need a bigger memory box heh.

Sorted out my dusty cds too. I don't remember what possessed me to get spice world, or any of the britney cds. ugh. Found my Craft cd! Just realized Our Lady Peace has the first track on it - Tomorrow never knows. haha.. And that ancient Nirvana cd. doh. And Sugar Ray! :) I can't find my Donna Lewis Cd tho. but meizhen's number is on the lyric sheet hmm.. oh yeah. I remember what happened. We inserted it into Kim's cd player in primary 6 (i think) and it got sucked in and never came back out. hmm. Also found leaking batteries on my table. wth. Left a permanent stain on my table.

Best find of the day was 60 bucks haha! :) I must have forgotten about it.

bleeding mercury on Friday, June 13, 2003@07:34 a.m.
 guestbook


Introducing.... gollum :)

There. A new template to go with a new day. It isn't much, but at least now I can go study in peace. Haha. As if. :|

Gollum edition. I initially wanted a whole Gollum layout. But he became part of the scenery haha, because I found the pretty picture that is now the bg for my blog.

I've spent the past 5 hours here. I better get going bleh. It's not the same talking to everyone online as it is face to face. Can't wait for tomorrow! Sheesh. We're so going to watch Narc next week :) I saw the review, it looks pretty good. It's opening Thursday!

bleeding mercury on Friday, December 12, 2003@01:52 p.m.
 guestbook



about:

 +071086//stnick's//rgps
//ny:)//vjc//rjc
+#25349740
+skarlot_lt@hotmail.com

archives:

 +30/03/2003
+03/05/2003
+12/06/2003