gravel.
Sunday, March 23, 2003
09:26 p.m.
When we were younger, we sat by the roads, knees like suns before our faces as we watched the cars go past. We used to come up with dreams, colorful tales concerning the passing cars; that proton sagas were made of crushed milo tins, car tires were made of licorice. The girl in the passing white Mercedes was a princess in disguise.
And then we would secretly, guiltily creep those chosen cars at night. Braving the parents, the hard heavy hands, the police at our backs as we scratched, scratched away at the car paint, hoping to spot a fleck, a spot, an idea of that bright green paint on milo tins. And we would get bored and collect gravel bits and pitch them at one another. The gravel would cut our hands, but it wouldn’t matter. We would gather more in a second. And soon, the sound of laughing boys rise up the heartland flats even as the sun begins to rise.
We go on to secondary school, jcs. Ns. To work and start building families of our own. And gradually, we drifted apart, the closeness became passing words, the claps on the backs became smiles. And then. Nothing. The gravel remains dead at our feet. The scabs on our hands remain uncovered.
I am now married to that princess in the white Mercedes and now I know that proton sagas are not made of milo tins. I have a job now, an office job and if I play it right, maybe I’ll get an increase at the year’s end. The old flats where we used to play are now gone, replaced by yellow new condominiums. I have a car of my own, and two kids, one boy, one girl. We can make ends meet.
And still, when I remember, I make it a point to stoop and gather some gravel, more stones now in my bigger hands. And I would smile, ignoring the small cuts on my hands as I throw them into the distance; at the friends I used to have. At the small boys in white singlets and buzz cuts laughing and dodging between the early morning cars. Long gone.
Sunday, March 16, 2003
09:05 p.m.
btw, the previous entry is completely fictitious. as most of you can tell, i'm a guy. i just wrote that little prose piece as a female cis i thought it would be more apt. so relax people! i'm not gay or anything!
taxi.
Sunday, March 16, 2003
08:53 p.m.
on days when I am late for school, where more often than not i am, i keep a small stash in my purse for a taxi ride to rush the distance in the morning. it’s always the same taxi that seems to stop. inside it is warm. the air-conditioner isn’t on. the driver traces the wheel with his hands, hands that are rough like the sand on beaches, wide and dark with the age of sun. traces his wheel and smooths the leather on the clutch.
There is a ring on the driver’s left hand. it is gold cradle with a pale jade in the center. from the back seat, I look as the driver taps his ring, taps it against the small clutch as he studies the traffic. he never meets my eyes.
i find that there is something familiar about the way he presses against the back of that worn stuffed seat. the way he carries his cap, wears his clothes. his hair is oily and gray. like the gray in the hair I pick out of my boyfriend’s head when we sit and don’t say anything. it is a delicate gray. the gray hair brings me to where I want to go. the meter’s little red numbers shift with each graze over the rough roads.
it’s my seventeenth birthday today. and i do not talk to my father the way we used to. we do not speak unless there is something that i want. i’m going out with friends tonight to celebrate although i know there is a cake waiting for me at home. i have reached. and as i give the driver his fare, fumbling in my strangled purse for change, a message comes in on the phone.
-happy birthday, from dad hp-
and i stand and watch as the yellow taxi drifts off in the traffic of the morning. in that slow, sure way i know so well.
hols!~
Friday, March 14, 2003
09:47 p.m.
guess what.
the hols are here already! yippee!
went for school in the morning and got scolded by bb teo cos a group of us [huifang, winnie, fengyi, liwei and me] decided to skip math tutorial and econs lecture to crash sajc. then skipped math lecture and had econs mcq test, in which i scored a 90% courtesy of answers leaked to us. derek lee smelled something fishy and asked us about it. we being truthful people, promptly pleaded guilty and apologised. i think he was really disappointed with us.
then spent the day celebrating with the brudders and half the time with the sistas who decided to leave after lunch at bk [cos they didn't bring a change of clothes and therefore couldn't do lotsa things]. played pool for like an hour and a half, cumulating in a result of 6 wins/3 losses [1 from kiamin, 2 from khalid]. kervin did better with an almost perfect score and a shout has to go out for brudder kiamin, who having played pool for the first time, decided to thrash all of us with his tremendous native ability in pool. talk about talent man!
of course benson was rocking too. was putting up a fair fight against the rampaging kiamin. haha!
later we went to play some lame stuff in the arcade, which was when i suddenly started panicking cos i had lost my bag. found it att he lost and found and decided to claim it later cos it would be safer there haha! and when we got bored, went to dine at the food court below. [i had noodles. khalid had some rice or something. the rest just got full talking.]
got my replacement ring as well [kinda lost it the other day during pe, must have fallen out of my pocket or something], looks just as nice. but somehow lacks that value the real one had for me.
then we found out that dear ol brudder kiamin had misplaced his adidas bottle.
went back to search the place for it but it was nowhere to be found. so poor brudder is now left without the class mascot. sigh.
took a ride back home on the mrt with brudder kervin and khalid, showered and ended up here. oh well. =)
update.
Sunday, March 9, 2003
07:46 p.m.
just rearranged the format of this blog. would appreciate feedback naturally.
anyway, there isn't a lot to update concerning new peeks into my life, gotta read the others' blogs to find out. haha!
actually, i think i should talk about the almost-crashing of sajc. we [as in aLeXiS, e|nn|w and me] were planning on skipping school on fri to smuggle ourselves in said college. didn't work out due to unforseen circumstances like miss teo [b****! b****!] popping outta the staffroom and asking us for some help just when the main gate was in sight. coupled with that, a large group of econs tutors strolled past and derek the robber just happened to turn and smile at us. and we had econs tutorial later that day. so poof went our chances of ponning to sa.
talking about sa, you should see the rubbish we call other colleges. sa is [s]audi [a]rabia, hcjc is called the mainland. eg. "eh, later wanna guo4 chang2 jiang1 [cross the river, reference to bkt timah canal dividing the highway and the two colleges] qu4 zhong1 guo2?! [go china]" lame right? hardy har har. on that string, chinese high is therefore referred to as hong kong, rjc is england, acjc is america and njc is the UN! lame. - -|||
anyway, ya that happened. so we only managed to pay a visit to dear old hcjc to slack around and drink half chilled grass jelly drinks. what a lousy option compared to the first one. sigh. and it was so damn hot. was stewing in my own juices in hc. bleargh. disgusting.
on a brighter note, i've confirmed entry into njc courtesy of the string orchestra [if it can be considered one]. actually, having a single double bass, two violas, two cellos and an odd number of first violins doesn't exactly make it an orchestra. thank goodness for the second intakers [two violins and a viola]. at least our standards are improving. oh well.
got some lame nyps alumni concert in the march hols too. geez. supposed to play some vivaldi duet with my beloved sister. hope it's a nice one anyhow.
school's overall alright i guess.
saw allan wu [li lin's fiance] at smu the other day.
syo sucks cos eric lee [cmi!] was conducting us and casteels is slacking somewhere. probably under a brolly and with a cold drink at his elbow. talk about getting paid for not doing anything.
nothing much of interest to note, so i'll sign off here. cheers everyone.
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