Pigs flew on: Monday, March 25, 2002
Tastes like chocolate...

Or not! But Kyo's tongue is still very yummy indeed! Mwahaha. I forced Dreamer-san to sit through my thoughts on kyo and his yummy tongue. I made him look at...*gasp*...pictures! He even agreed with me that Kyo's tongue was yummy. Isn't that right D-chan? *snickercough* And I'm sure sparky will agree with me once I tell her! Isn't that right sparky-chan?! Why of course it is! Mwahaha. Well...that's all for tonight. I'm off to dream of kyo and his yummy self.

Music of the moment: Dir En Grey - "Garden"

Pigs flew on: Saturday, March 23, 2002
DAMN

I mean... DAMN! I feel /really/ good today. I don't know why, I just...do. I finally got my Dir En Grey DVD!!!! *screech* I got to watch Kyo rip his shirt off.*drool* And Karou sat on shinya and poked at him. At least I think that was Karou. Could have been Die. But it was sooooo cute! Poor shinya, always getting picked on! I mostly just skipped around to my favorite songs, but I'll watch the whole thing when I have someone else(besides my parents...erk) to watch it with!
Dad talked me into getting ANOTHER fish today when we were at PetsMart. Yeah...see! Wasn't MY fault this time! Har. It's a mostly white Ryukin, with small orange patches here and there, and the tips of her fins are black. ^_^ She's too cute! I didn't really have room for her with reaper in the quarantine tank, but I decided to move him into the 55 when we stopped by the apartment, and my new girl got the 10 gallon. The reason we were at PetsMart to start with was my puppy. Yup! His first visit to a crowded place! Sure there were tons of rude people who just let their dogs barge right up to us without making sure it was okay first, but sammy was pretty good. ^_^
*prods sparky and her blog* You flavor is Pine eh? *snickers* Well at least you smell good! ^_~

Music of the moment: Lifehouse - "Everything"

Pigs flew on: Friday, March 22, 2002


painted with saliva
a paling body was
clung to within sight
a distorted picture of cruelty

even emotionlessness is rotting
dance a short life
the memory I saw at the end
you laughing... die

you are not here
you are laughing
you are not here
I am not here

Psycho while warping, revolving
Psycho cruelty unchanging
Psycho Past Trap
Psycho Past Trip
by.... Death Trap

you are not here
I am not here
you are not here
I am not here
I am coming

Song of the moment: Dir En Grey - "Zan"

Pigs flew on: Thursday, March 21, 2002
Ooooooh...

I taste of Death. Doesn't everyone want a taste of death? Well they should. Most people deserve death. Keep away from me unless you think you're better than that. I probably won't like you. What Flavour Are You?

Go Figure.

Music of the moment: P.O.D. - "Youth of the Nation"

Pigs flew on: Wednesday, March 20, 2002
Hmmm...

Have you ever come across a person who just can't accept something? Who can't seem to get over it, even though most everyone else is long past it? I seem to have come across such a person. I honestly think she needs therapy, it's really sad. I'm not sure if the things she says, she says simply to try and make me mad, pick a fight, or if she honestly can't accept the truth. Hmmm. It's very strange I think. I'm not kidding, I'm dead serious when I say I think she needs help very badly. I wonder if I could get a mutual friend of ours to speak with her parents. After all...a 15 year old shouldn't be obsessing over this, it's really not healthy. For that matter, no one should. Where a month ago I might have let it piss me off, now it just worries me.
It has also come to my attention that the person in question has come across a link to this page, so if you are reading...*waves* Hiya laura-bunny! In the words of Dir En Grey,"kimi ga inai!" *snickerdie*

Well, back to the fishes.
The 55 continues to have high nitrite readings, which is really starting to annoy me. I put in a double dose of Prime, and I hope it will detoxify the nitrites like it says it will. This fish are acting a good bit lethargic, but that could be because I haven't fed them today.
Reaper is doing well for now. If the nitrites weren't so high in the 55 I probably would have moved him into the 55 by now.
Kyo, my pearlscale seems to be doing well. She loves to eat, chubby little thing. It's fun watching her wiggle her round little body around the tank looking for food.
I had this huge urge today just to get out of the apartment, and go somewhere. Anywhere really. Just get out, but around here there is no where worth going so, I ended up staying home. Oh well, it wasn't so bad. I actually cleaned up part of the apartment today. I know...wow. ^_^;
Also, my bestest best friend in the whole world did pictures of two of my fish! Yup! I'm so special! ^_^ THANK YOU SPARKY! *loves the pictures to death* Bob is darned cute! And Grim looks so evil! >)
You know, my life would actually be perfect right now...if I wasn't so worried about my classes. Yup, it ruins everything. However, I don't let it depress me. I just wonder if I'll make it this semester. I really hope so. Kind of wish I could just start over. *sighs* But since I can't I'll just have to do my best in what little time remains of my classes.

Music of the moment: Dir En Grey - "The Domestic Fucker Family"

Pigs flew on: Tuesday, March 19, 2002
*sniggers*

Noooo waaaaay...
Okay, check this, Reaper(who I'd assumed was female) proved to me last night that she was in fact not a she at all. SHE is a HE. *snickers* While I was checking the pink lumps on his tail I noticed some funny white stuff out of the corner of my eye. I looked closer, and saw litte salt like things on his gill plates. Worried it was ich, or something of the sort I checked for the salt like things on the rest of his body and fins. Wasn't there, just on the gill plates and the leading rays of the pectoral fins. Goldfish experts probably already know what it is. Tubercles. Male fish get them, normally around spawning time. *snickers* Well...at least I know I have one male besides Herman. All the genders of my other fish were guessed. Maybe one day they'll prove me wrong, though I do really think stubby is female.
I did some random water tests on my 55 gallon tank last night. Found out the nitrites were extremely high. Not quite sure how that happened, I wigged out and did a water change. Nnn. Since Reaper hasn't been able to have a water change in the 10 gallon, due to meds in the water, I got a little worried about the quality of the water and did a quick ammonia and nitrite test. Nitrites were fine, however the ammonia was a little high. Still unable to do a water change because of the meds, I added some Ammolock and just hoped that it wouldn't cloud up the water. Reaper seems to be doing fine. I hope to move him into the 55 this wednesday, or thursday, provided that the nitrites are down in that tank by then.

Music of the moment: Loreena McKennit - "Mummer's Dance"

Pigs flew on: Monday, March 18, 2002
KYO!!!

Yes, I still have a severe Kyo obsession(and I'm not talking about my fish named Kyo). He's such a little hottie...nnn. Basically this is how it goes when other people figure it out...
Mom: "...that guy looks like a face out of one of my nightmares."
Me: "Yeah...ain't he cute?!?!" ^_^;;
Mom: O.O...."yeah Kristin..."
I've actually had a majority of my friends and family relate Kyo to a nightmare they've had at one point or another. *sweatdrops* But I think he's sexy! In that demented, evil, handcuff, and chains kind of way! Mwah...shiny things.
Anywho, got home today from going to see my grandparents. It was fun, and the fish were doing great when I got back. Dad took care of them for me, for the one day we were gone. It's the first time he's gotten to see the fish, and he was rather impressed with them. Heh, that made me feel really good when he told me that. ^_^
Anywho...I'M GETTING A DIR EN GREY DVD!!!! I can't believe it! It's sooooo cool! I can't wait to get it! *wants to watch Kyo over, and over, and over, and over, and over again* ^_^^_^^_^^_^
In other news I'd like to kill my cousin, and my bestest best pal is sick! Awww! Get better sparky-chan!

Music of the moment: Linkin Park - "Runaway"

Pigs flew on: Thursday, March 14, 2002
I just had to do it again didn't I?

Yup.
That's right.
I did it again...
.
..
...
....
.....
......
And her name is Kyo! *snickers* Yup, OGD struck again! I've got /another/ new fishy! But this one is really tiny! She's an adorable little red and white crowned pearlscale! Right now she's staying in with Herman, my betta. Healthy little girl...she went straight for a snack on the algae! ^_~
Speaking of fish, I've had to discontinue Reaper's iodine treatments, as it was causing severe fraying on her fins. So while I was out today I bought some melafix to see if that will help it.

Music of the moment: Puddle of Mudd - "Blurry"

Pigs flew on: Tuesday, March 12, 2002
So...how 'bout them lakers?

You know what really gets me? When people think I'm talking about them, and I'm not. If have something to say to someone, I will say it to their face...unless I don't have a way to contact them privately...or unless a friend is asking me not to say anything. However if the person were to contact me...well...then all bets are off.
Anywho, had a very nice day today. I didn't go to class. I was going to really I was! But as soon as I walked outside ot leave it started raining...so I took that as a sign and went back inside. o.o;
Went to PetsMart today to look at fishes and get some algae wafers for my new algae eater. I started talking with one of the guys there, and told him about my search for a panda oranda. He told me that they had 5 panda orandas come in a month earlier...but they all died within a day of getting there. It just figures doesn't it? Grrr...oh well. One day I shall have one! Mwahaha!

Music of the moment: Dir En Grey - "Cage"

Pigs flew on: Monday, March 11, 2002
Kyo's Bitch

I WANT A KYO!!!

Kyo, vocalist for Dir en grey...he's such a little hottie...and he's so short! x_x But he's still a hottie! Oooo...that voice just gets me...nnn
Need...more...

Music of the moment: Three Doors Down - "Duck and Run"

Pigs flew on: Tuesday, March 5, 2002
Tadaima!!!

Yay! Visiting my bestest best friend in the whole world! Fweeeee, I actually feel like I have some semblance of a social life again. She had me meet a couple of her friends, maggie, and marcie. I swear, my kind of people! We just seem to click...it's weird!
You know what else is weird? I'm on an iMac! o.O Not a PC! Mwahaha...this keyboard is strange....it goes clicky clicky clicky!
Anywho, new obsession! Pocky! Good stuff man! And this clear drinky thing that maggie calls lemonade...I dunno what it was cause the writing on the bottle was in japanese. *sweatdrop* Speaking of which we got all this stuff from this really neat japanese market type place! It was sooooo cool! Maggie was getting stuff to make curry for everyone last night. It was really really good! Nnnn, want more.
I think I may try to make some contact with Lauren and mandy while I am here...maybe. Anywho, must dash!

Music of the moment: Umm...I have yet to figure out how to make sound files work on this thing....o.o;;

Pigs flew on: Wednesday, February 27, 2002
Unwritten Law

*sighs* This just isn't my year. It was bad from the start, and is only getting worse. College is just a problem. One big fucking problem. I've been burned out on school sine my senior year in high school. I wanted to take a year off, and just get a job or something, but I knew if I stopped I would never start again. So here I am. At least I know I'm not alone in this. The oh-so-wonderful blonde one is right there with me...wondering if we'll even pass this semester. Wishing it were over already. Well...spring break is next week...I wish it were more than a week, but I'll take what I can get.
On the brighter side, I get to go stay with my bestest best pal in the whole world next week! I can't wait! It'll be sooo much fun!
Mom brought q-tip to me today as well. Not sure why, she'll only be with me for about three days till she has to go back with mom and dad while I'm gone. Oh well, I'm happy she's here. She's not mad at me for once, and is sitting in my lap as I type this. ^_^
I've gotten monica to agree to take care of the fish for me while I'm gone. Not that it will be too difficult, unless one of them gets sick, and I pray they won't cause I know monica will probably not notice it.

Song of the moment: Unwritten Law - "Rescue Me"

Pigs flew on: Tuesday, February 26, 2002
All is well...

For now, as I sit here at 1am typing to myself. My monday started out seriously freaky, but got better as it went...for a little while this afternoon I was feeling a little paranoid...those who know me well know why, or can probably take a guess a why. However come 9pmish everything took a turn for the better(much better I might add) and ended on a fairly good note.
I finally moved my blue oranda into the 55 today. The treatment for Nicodemus' fin rot ended on sunday, and I really hope I do not have to do another one. If I do, at least I've got my quarantine tank free again. I though I had decided on a name for the blue, but nothing I've come up with has seemed to really stick. In fact, I think he might be a she, but I'm not too sure. Until (s)he proves me otherwise I'll just consider my pretty blue oranda to be a male. Fade spent a majority of her time pushing him around today. She seems to enjoy doing that. He didn't really care, he just pushed back, even if he is nearly 2 inches smaller than she is.
Q-tip is supposed to go to the vet tuesday...seeing how it's nearly 2am I guess that would be today, to have her stitches taken out. Hopefully mom can bring her in to me on wednesday. I miss having my furry kitty to sleep with me. She always likes to keep my feet warm, or sleep right by my head on the pillow.
Anywho...it's dark. I know...'well duh, it's night', but I'm sitting in my room, the only light is from the 55. It's kind of eerie, but relaxing at the same time. My three orandas seem to like hanging around one another as they all tend to follow eachother around, and cluster on one end of the tank or another. There were over near me a few minutes ago, now they are on the end by the door. Nico kind of swims my way every now and then, but before he gets to this end he turns around and goes back to join Fade and my blue oranda. I really need to find a name for him.

Music of the Moment: Staind - "Outside"

Pigs flew on: Monday, February 25, 2002
Wish You Were Here

Arg! Darn you! You know who you are you...you...you person! Grrr. The frustration...boredom.....nnnnn.
Distract...distract...need a distraction. *huffpuff* *sigh* -_-
Well...now that I've gotten that out, in the news today Kristin actually went to her morning class, and she'll probably actually go to her 2 pm class. Not because she wanted to, not because she really had to, but because she needed a fucking distraction. Didn't work too well. I nearly fell asleep.
Grrr...monica better get home soon so I can get out of here. I need out. Really badly. This week is so not going well...at all. I need to talk to someone...really badly...sparky-chan where are you? I don't have anyone else to talk to. >.<

In other news, monica has lost all sanity and bought bright pink marshmellow peeps, when we went on a late run to the store last night. It was a good distraction...though I couldn't seem to convince her that they are truely evil

Music of the moment: Live - "Overcome"

Pigs flew on: Friday, February 22, 2002
Only Time

Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
only time
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
only time

It's not been such a good day. I mean...well...it was okay. I missed my math class...again. But I did get two palaetus corydoras catfish to put in the 55. The 55....I woke up this morning and it was cloudy again. This time I know it's the medicine. I really want to do a water change, and clear it up, but I have to wait till the meds have had at least 5 days to work, and I'm only on day 3. While we were at PetsMart today we saw a gorgeous chocolate oranda, with very little headgrowth, but a huge pom poms! Mom really liked him, and I think she wanted me to get him. I really do want a chocolate oranda, and you don't see those types much, but something about this fish didn't click with me. He was very pretty yes...but not the one I'm waiting for. Not like my blue scale. I knew I had to have him right off. Kind of like a few other things in life...but...we don't always get what we want, no matter how much we may want it.
I'm getting worried about Leilani. I came home with mom for just tonight, and I'm going back to the apartment on saturday. Anyway, I had the dogs in the house while we were watching a movie, and she started gagging. But it really scared me, she was whining...or something while she was doing it. Like something was hurting her. I thought she may have had something stuck in her throat, but I didn't feel anything when I went over to see her. Mom just got all annoyed and said she was fine. I'd like to take leilani to the vet, so he can make sure she's okay, but our vet bills are so high these past few months. Mom had to take her persian, annie, in the other day for a bladder infection. This just isn't our year for animals. I really hope leilani is okay, and I'm just overreacting...but she is getting up there in years...she around 12...or 13 years old. I can't help but worry some. We've been losing too many pets lately.
Q-tip has ignored me for most of the time I've been here. I guess she's mad at me for leaving her with mom and dad for nearly 2 weeks. Can't say I blame her. Only now, when I don't have a place for her to sit, does she want to come see me.
Mom and I were watching this movie tonight, called "Sweet November"....it is one of the most touching movies I have seen in a long time. Yes, it is sappy...but it's different from most really sappy movies about love. I can't really describe it, and as sad as it was...it didn't make me cry. I thought that was strange, as movies like that usually do. Something about it just struck a nerve...I dunno. Strange.
Well...it's 2:43am and I'm still up. I have a dog to bathe, train, and walk tomorrow. I told mom I'd go out shopping some with her, and I've still got to get back to my apartment and take care of all my fish. Nico needs his daily iodine treatment, as much as I know he hates it.

Music of the Moment:Enya - "Only Time"

Pigs flew on: Friday, February 22, 2002
Rescue Me!

Well, I did get more medicine for Nicoemus' fin rot. It's not the same kind I started out using so I had to do a water change and get the previous meds out of the water before I used the new stuff. I've also been taking him out of the tank on a once daily basis to put iodine on the infected fin. He seems to be doing okay. I know it's really stressing him out, the meds, being caught and taken out of the water, but I hope he's getting better. He still has a huge appetite, and still competes with Fade for food.
My new blue oranda finally has a name! I'm calling him 'Sano' after this really kawaii bishonen in a managa I'd like to start reading called "Hanazakari no Kimitachi E." Long name I know. Thing is, it's only in Japanese, so I'd have to find some way to get it translated. Still I'd like to get the manga. It looks really good.
Stubby is also getting taken out of the tank once daily and having the area where her missing fin is, treated with iodine. I'm starting to think that Nicodemus didn't pull it off at all...it might have been fin rot that I didn't catch. Well, anyway, she looks like she's doing okay. Monkey was chasing her aorund he tank today. She had to stop and rest a few times on the gravel. I think he wore her out. ^_~

Song of the moment: Aretha Franklin - "Rescue Me"

Pigs flew on: Tuesday, February 19, 2002
Nnnn...

New fishy!!!! Yay! *frolics* My local PetsMart gets in their new fish on tuesday afternoons, I just happened to be there while they were bringing in the new fish. I saw this amazing Blue scale oranda! One of the types of fish I've been wanting for a while! He's not huge, but not really small either. He's around 4 1/2- 5 inches. I've got him in quarantine right now, but I may move him to the 55 sooner than I want, my reasoning for that in a moment. Right now I'm just so excited! The people at PetsMart probably think I'm nuts. And I am! ^_~
In other news, I just noticed tonight that Nicodemus has fin rot on one of his ventral fins. -_- Since the quarantine tank is in use I had to treat the ENTIRE 55 gallon tank. This is why I may move the blue scale into the 55 without keeping him in the quarantine tank for a week. It would be much easier to treat nicodemus in the 10 gallon, as much as I know Nico hates that tank. He just can't swim well in it. But since I don't have enough of the particular medicine I'm using to treat the entire 55 gallon tank again, that looks like what I'll have to do. *sighs* I hope he gets better soon. >.<

Song of the moment: Macross Plus Soundtrack - "Between Heaven and Earth"

Pigs flew on: Monday, February 18, 2002
When you're broken down, and no one else is around, you'll come runnin' back to this town...

Today is going well. I actually got out of bed and wanted to go to class. My math class starts at 10, and it's my first class of the day so I got some pretty good sleep, especially considering I didn't go to sleep until around 3am. I actually participated in class today. Wow...o.O; I dunno...today I just feel pretty damn good.
The fish are doing pretty good. I think my glass fish may be picking at herman's fins. If so I'll have to move him in with stubby, monkey, and bob. I can't afford for herman to be getting his fins nibbled at.
I went to the registrar today and withdrew from that one course that was causing me so many problems. It all went well, and it was over before I knew it. Very strange.

Music of the moment: Dexter Freebish - "Leaving Town"

Pigs flew on: Sunday, February 17, 2002
Yatta!

Another good day! Can you believe it?! Two really good days in a row! I swear I'm on a roll! *snickers* Well anywho. Did more training on the 'heel' commmand with sammy today. I didn't even have to use the choke chain! He was such a good puppy! We also worked on the 'come' command. I went pretty far away before calling him, and he ran right to me! I was so pleased!
Q-tip came and sat in my lap before I left to come back to my apartment today. I guess she's forgiven me now. ;)
When I got back the 55 had sparklingly clear water! I'm so happy. No more cloudy water! The fish seem to be doing pretty good too. The 44 gallon needs a cleaning, got some algae growing. I figured tonight I would feed everyone beefheart, see how they like it. Generally that's used for Oscars and Ciclids, but I figured since I had some I'd see how they like it.
Also a good friend of mine ended up sending me a V-day present even though he knows I hate the day, and don't want anything to do with it. It made me smile. So to him - Thank you! *hugs*

Music of the moment: "Yatta!" (I have no idea who the group is)

Pigs flew on: Saturday, February 16, 2002
^-^

I'm actually having a lovely day today. Spending the weeknend at my parents house. My 90lb puppy dog needs some brushing up on his obedience, so we've been working on that today. It's actually the 'heel' command he has trouble with. He prefers to be at the end of the leash hauling people along. I got tired of coming home with a sore arm, so we worked on it today. He was doing very well...as long as no other living creature came in his sight that he wanted to visit. ^_~
Q-tip is recovering well from her surgery, eating like a pig, but not losing so much hair anymore. Though she isn't speaking to me right now. She's still mad about having to stay with the vet,and have him shave /more/ of her hair off. ;D
Mom and I also went out shopping today. Went to a couple pet stores and just looked around. Didn't really get much, just enjoyed the day. ^_^

Song of the moment: Michelle Branch - "Everywhere"

Pigs flew on: Thursday, February 14, 2002
Poison candy...

Well...the tank water is a little clearer. I think if I do another water change everything may be just peachy again. Though Nicodemus is still really stressed. Fade is swimming okay, but Nico is just sitting on the bottom looking all depressed. Hopefully he'll perk up when I feed them. I also put my new red and white lionhead in with stubby and bob today. He's been chasing poor stubby around. Poor girl...even though she's finally the biggest fish in the tank she still gets picked on. Even by the new guy!
I'm feeling strangely calm...and am in somewhat of a good mood. It feels really strange...maybe because I don't feel this way often? Perhaps...hmmm...
I absolutly refuse to leave the apartment today. Valentines Day...ick. It makes me sick. But isn't it like that for most all single people? Not that I mind too much, I just can't believe we have a holiday for this kind of sickness. Who's moronic idea was it anyway?

Music of the moment: Fleetwood Mac - "Tell Me Lies"

Pigs flew on: Wednesday, February 13, 2002
Ow

I. am. so. tired.
Serves me right. I was up till 2am chatting with my cousin about the two people in our lives causing us the most grief. Though I let her carry the conversation. She's been having difficulties with this guy she really really likes...but he can be such an asshole.
"...ever present calm for my 'Tal is an asshole, but I can't stay mad at him, making it all the more infuriating' rages.."
That's how she likes to describe me...I feel loved. *sighs*
After I realized how late...or early it was, I remembered I was /going/ to do a water change in the 55 cause an algae bloom all of a sudden clouded up the water. So at 2am I'm cleaning out the fish tank. Then I finally get to go take my shower and get ready for bed. I think I had a test to study for too, but I was too exhausted.
Well...anway. I've been feeling particularly emotionless, and numb today...a bit of a relief...I think.

Music of the moment: Joy Drop - "Beautiful"

Pigs flew on: Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Hmmm...

Q-tip had her surgery today to remove one of her thyroid glands. The vet says it went well. I'm glad, I was really worried. Now my kitty will be very mad at me when we finally get to bring her home. She has to stay with the vet for a few days, and I know she won't be happy about that.
I moved Nicodemus in with my new fish, Fade, today. She was on one side of the tank, so I put Nicodemus in the other side. Nicodemus swam over to see her all slow-like and she absolutly flipped out. She ran into one of the pumps into the back of the tank, then swam really fast to the other end and ran into one of the pumps over there. Then Nicodemus chased her down the tank, then she turned around chased him around for a while. o.o; It was really strange. I think she got it into Nicodemus' head that she is the bigger fish, thus she makes the rules. ;) Poor Nicodemus, not head dood anymore.

Song of the moment: Lifehouse - "Hanging By A Moment"

Pigs flew on: Monday, February 11, 2002
One of those days

Yeah...it's one of those days. Yanno where you wake up...and are so emotionally exhausted you really would like to just roll over and ignore the alarm. Well...that's what I wouldn't have minded doing, but I've missed to many classes as it is. So now I just have ta suck it up and get my ass to class. At least it'll distract me...I think.

Music of the moment: Annie Lennox - "Walking on Broken Glass"

Pigs flew on: Sunday, February 10, 2002
Wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Yeah...this song makes me feel so light...and cheerful.(Yeah I know...wow) I don't really click with the lyrics...but the song actually puts me in a good mood. More than likely why I like it so much.
I got a new fish today. Pretty soon after the deaths of my others...but the 44 is looking rather empty...and it will look more so when I move nicodemus to the 55. So I bought a little red and white lionhead today. He is uber kawaii! He swimming around the quarantine tank right now. Not going to chance him, or one of my other fish getting sick again. Not that I ever do with new fish. They always get quarantined for at least a week.
Well...anywho. I'm off to do some water changes in the tanks.

Muisc of the moment: Eiffel 65 - "Move Your Body"

Pigs flew on: Friday, February 8, 2002
'Cause you're a god

And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

Have you ever had one of those days where the strangest song get's stuck in your head and won't go away? That's kinda what's going on in my head. On the way to my parents house this song "You're A God" comes on the radio. I'd heard it before, but today it was just so addictive. I hopped on my parent's computer and downloaded the song. I has nothing to do with how I'm feeling, or what I'm thinking, which most songs I listen to usually do. It's strange.
Well the ride to my parents house was eventful as always. I honestly don't feel like typing it out...so I won't. Lets just say I really would like to stab my cousin with a chopstick...or something else dull and painful.
The rest of my fish are still alive. No one else has died...yet. Toes is going to vet tomorrow morning. Then I have to go back to the apartment and check on my fish.
Slept through my alarm today...well actually I turned it off. I didn't bother with class. Shame on me. I should have gone. Oh well.

Music of the moment: Vertical Horizon - "You're A God"

Pigs flew on: Thursday, February 7, 2002
Yep...

Freckles died today. Am I psychic or what? I also totally skipped my classes. All of them. I got up, got dressed, got prepared to go. Walked outside, it was raining and wet. I turned around went back inside and took a nap on the couch.
I missed my classes on tuesday too. Including a test in Anthropology. I'll probably fail this sememster. Go figure. Though I don't really care. The only thing that bothers me is letting my parents down. They put a whole lot of money into this, and look what I'm doing. Lazy I am. Still, what good is all of this doing me if I don't even know what I want to do? I know that most people don't know where they want to head when they first start out, but generally by the end of first semester you get an inkling of some sort, right? I still have no clue.
I don't consider myself to be particularly good an any one thing. I can do a lot of things...decently, but nothing that really stands out.
My counsin and bestest best pal think I should become a Animal Control officer. Granted I wouldn't mind bitching at people who are too stupid or ignorant to properly care for an animal, but I couldn't handle arresting someone, or having to put an animal to sleep. Besides...I wouldn't know where to start with that.
My volunteer work at an animal shelter won't help me figure it out because I didn't work with an ACO. Go figure. I'm rather lost, and really don't know what to do.

Music of the moment: Staind - "Epiphany"

Pigs flew on: Thursday, February 7, 2002
Damn it...just Damn it all...

Looks like I may lose one more fish before morning. And damn how much of an idiot could I be? Here I was thinking it was the pH. I had just put tequila to bed and went to check the fish. Freckles had gotten worse. I studied her for a moment, and realized she was missing some scales. Then I realized she had a lot of protruding scales. Then it hit me. Parasites. >.< I didn't see it with lazarus...how could I be so stupid. I lost one...maybe two wonderful fish because I am a moron.
I cannot express how upset I am at the moment. Freckles never was my most favorite fish, but if I didn't want her I wouldn't have gotten her. I still want her, I want her to get better. But her baka owner didn't realize what was wrong until it was probably too late. Lucky I got paranoid after the deaths of two of my orandas and bought ever medicine that treats every known fish disease out there. So I had something to treat it with. I just don't think the treatment is coming in time for Freckles. Dammit.

Music of the moment: Enigma - "The Gravity of Love"
Dedicated to all of my fish...alive and dead. I love them like they were my children.

Pigs flew on: Wednesday, February 6, 2002
My world

I have my own little world. I am alone in my own little world. There is no one there. No one but me and my emotions. Me and my memories. Me and my scars. I get so distant...everyone else is so far away. They all live in their little world...together...happy...and without me. That's okay. My gray little world isn't so bad.
It's where I run to when I lose a pet. It may seem stupid to you, but my pets like children to me. From my birds to my fish...they are all so important to me.
People don't like to be around me when I am upset, even those I consider friends. I understand...I wouldn't want to be around me either.

Music of the moment: Enigma - "The Power of Love"
In memory of my beautiful Lazarus. See you soon sweetie.

Pigs flew on: Wednesday, February 6, 2002
And today we say goodbye...

to a dearly loved pet of mine. Lazarus my red and black telescope eye goldfish, that I've had for 5 years, died this morning. I honestly have no clue what happened, other than he's been sitting on the gravel, not swimming much for the past few days. He had no physical signs of being sick, other than his gravel sitting. He was still eating...somewhat...the past two days he was even swimming around a bit. Then when I got up this morning to go take my math exam...dead fishy.
Ain't life grand? And the bonus here is another one of my fish, Freckles, is starting to sit on the gravel. Isn't this wonderful?(I hope you hear my sarcasm here)
Seeing as I don't have a car yet, mother is coming in today to get hers looked at. So she's going to take me to petsmart once that's done so I can get some stuff. Water test kits to see if I have anything wrong with my water...which I doubt, and see if their fish people can tell me anything I don't already know. We'll see if they actually have anyone there who knows what they are talking about.

Music of the moment: Sade - "King of Sorrow"

Pigs flew on: Monday, February 4, 2002
Change

If ever you had said to me before
That I would live this life that I am
Living now I guess it's all so strange
To feel the way I do inisde but
Have so much that I could feel some
pride for in my life so why is it that
I feel like this

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

I try and try to break away from all the hate
I'm feeling for every one of you that's ever
done me wrong. I need to justify the reasons
for the way I'm living. I guess I can't 'cause
I don't feel like I deserve it

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

So now the waves they have subsided
And my soul is bleeding I can't take away
the shame I feel. Forgive me.

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within me.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

Music of the moment: Staind - "Change"
Listen to it. It's good.

Pigs flew on: Sunday, February 3, 2002
Blah

Lotus, Oki, Toshi, Lahela, Kimiko...names I'm considering for my new fish. She's a gorgeous red oranda, big belly, beautiful fins. ^_^ Of course she could be a he...it's hard to tell with goldfish, but until she proves different she will remain a she in my mind. ;>
She looks really lonely in the huge 55 without any other fish. Though in about a week I'll be putting my calico oranda, Nicodemus, in there with her, for some company. Not to mention he at the fin off one of my other fish and therefore must be moved. I don't think my new fish will take any grief from him. Especially since she's the bigger fish. ^_~
Do I sound cheerful? Of course, I'm always happy to talk about my fish. It's one of the only things that keeps me sane. Mushu is staying with mom for the week, while Tequila(my dad's bird) stays with me. At least tequila doesn't scream in the morning an hour before I have to get up. It'll be a nice break.
I feel kinda bad. I was in a bad mood all day, and wasn't too nice to my mother. I tried, but it just wasn't working. I'm glad everyone finally left me alone. Well anywho.

Song of the moment: Staind - "It's Been A While"

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

Pigs flew on: Sunday, February 3, 2002
Moods are a wonderful thing, opens your heart and makes you sing...

or kill....or hate....or torture.
Something is cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today,
Today to run away"

I should be thrilled still. With my new tank, and prospect of a new fish.
I'm sure a lot of people have had times where people do things...say things...just to piss you off(And no for once I'm not talking about my family).
I have never in my life physically hurt someone. Yet I figure...if I ever saw this person...I really think I would stab them with the nearest sharp object..or dull one...whichever would hurt more. I have never in my life wanted to hurt someone so badly. Why is that? I don't understand it.
What I really want to do is respond in some way to this person who irritates me so...but I don't have the energy. I'm too tired. That seems to be my excuse for a lot lately. It's true though. I'm too tired to talk about what's bothering me...to tired to deal with impudent little children who think just because they sound older than they are they must be mature.
My puppy is sitting next to me on the floor. My big ole 90lb puppy. It's 1am I feel bad for not letting him get to bed...and I'm still up, pouring my heart out to a computer. It's pretty pathetic...but I don't want to deal with pity from anyone. I don't want sympathy...I don't want apologies...I just want someone to understand. Not to just sit there and say they do to agree with me, and supposedly make me feel better...but to really understand. That's a hard thing to do these days I guess.
I'm tired of being lied to. I'm sick of it. Is it so wrong...to want someone to tell me the truth, or not tell me anything at all? I have always tried my hardest to be honest with people. If I think something I have to say does nothing to benefit them, and will only hurt them, then I say nothing at all....unless I don't like them. Then it's the truth all the way. I don't generally feel the urge to come up with a lame story to cover myself. If I ever think there is something I won't be able to do...then I don't tell anyone that I will do it and risk not being able to do what I said I would.
It's hard for people to judge me and my moods. It's hard for them to figure out whether I'm mad...or upset. Whether I'm being serious or sarcastic. My own fault I suppose for being such a difficult person. I suppose I need therapy. Mom says I do. I'm not sure if she was joking or not. She's like me, hard to read.

Music of the moment: Marilyn Manson - "Coma White" & "Speed of Pain"

Pigs flew on: Saturday, February 2, 2002
That new tank of mine...

YAY!!!! I got my new 55 gallon! *frolicfrolic* I've been cleaning it out while dad and monica are out car shopping. ^_^ Not only do I have a new tank and stand, but I also have a new whisper power filter, under gravel filter, 'n all that wonderful tank stuff! We are going to Petsmart when dad and mon-chan get back to get the black gravel I want, possibly some plants, and an air pump. The fish don't come until we are sure the tank doesn't have leaks. Also it's good just to let it sit for a bit and let everything settle before adding new fish. ^_^
*is so excited* I've had my eye on this one rather large...errr..huge goldfish they have. He's been there for a while, and I don't know how much they are asking for him...may be more than I'm willing to pay. But he looks healthy, and boy does he have a belly on 'im. ^_~
I'm a little worried about a couple of my current goldfish. My lionhead stubby is missing one of her anal fins(the small ones right under the tail fin). I think Nicodemus might have been picking at her fins. My poor girl. So Nicodemus will be moved into the new tank after I get the new fish moved in. Also, my oldest fish, Lazarus has been sitting on the gravel constantly and only moves at feeding times and when I make him move. I'm more than a little worried. It may be his swim bladder, or his age, or both. I hope once I get that tank a little less crowded he'll perk up. Well still have stuff that needs cleaning, so laters!

Music of the moment:Aqua - "Barbie Girl"

Pigs flew on: Friday, February 1, 2002
Oh what a headache...

Ow...every time I move I get this really sharp pain above and between my eyes. Owieowieowie.
Figures when I come home I get a headache. Well...the conversation with dad about the fish tank went rather...oddly. His, "Oh you have enough pets, you don't need anymore," turns into "Sure Kristin, lets go take a look at what you are thinking about tomorrow when we go to take your cousin car shopping(again) :\. He actually didn't give me an arguement about it. I must have caught him in a rare good mood. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled I didn't have to argue with him over it. It's just...strange.
I'm playing DK2 right now. Wish I could play it on my comp at the apartment, but sadly it only seems to work on my dad's computer. Well anyway, off to join the Dark Mistresses in the torture chamber.

Music of the moment:Nothing

Pigs flew on: Thursday, January 31, 2002
Pink Plastic Flamingos....

Totally kick ass!!! Bwahaha. *hugsquishes her pink plastic flamingo named Herald*
Took that stupid Essay test for Western Civ. today. BSed my way through it, hopefully I'll at least pass. I can't tell you how much better I feel now that it's over and done with. Now I just have to get ready for my 75 question Anthropology test next week. At least it's multiple choice. I suppose I should actually figure out what we are discussing in class neh? ^_~
I decided to go see my parents this weekend, though after the last time I went and it turned into a disaster I swore I wouldn't go again for a long time. I need to talk to dad about the aquarium I'm getting that he doesn't know about yet. ;D And I also have to go see my sammy puppy. I can't have him in my current apartment. I miss my 90lb puppy!
Q-tip doesn't have to go back to the vet for another week. It's too soon for her to have surgery after her being so sick. I'm rather thrilled that we won't have to be spending even more money for another week at least, which makes makes it possible for me not to have to take money out of my savings. Yay!
I think Mushu is depressed. I opened his cage door for him to come out when I got home this afternoon, and he just sat in his cage until I got him out and put him on the bungie. I felt bad when I went to take a nap, cause I had to put him away again, but I gave him a snack to keep him occupied.
Well I'm off to finish that nap!

Music of the moment: Destiny's Child - "Emotions"

Pigs flew on: Wednesday, January 30, 2002
What a mess...

My room is a wreck from trying to get a space for the 55 gallon aquarium. Can't get it until there's a place for it. So I sent my bookshelf home with my parents, and transfered most of my books elsewhere in the apartment. Still, I had more than books on the shelf so now there are papers all over the floor, figurines, CDs, tarot cards, printer paper, books for my classes. Arg...how annoying. Not that I mind living in a mess, but I want my aquarium dang it!
My bird is sitting on his stand watching me. He thinks the stupid human is very amusing. My cat disappeared into my roommates room somewhere...I hope something doesn't jump out from the mess in there and eat her. o.O;;
As a matter of fact the entire apartment is a mess. Though not as bad as the two bedrooms. We cleaned up somewhat over the weekend.
I have to take my kitty to the vet once again this weekend. She has a hyperactive thyroid, and needs surgery to have it removed. We tried putting her on medicine for it, but it made her really really sick, so no meds for her, just surgery. What fun. I'll have to get into my savings to be able to afford it.
Grrr...I've also got a test tomorrow in my Western Civ. class. It's completely essay. Two questions. I'm so gonna die.
Well...I'm off to feed my fish some peas. Later peoples.

Music of the moment: Bon Jovi - "It's My Life"

Pigs flew on: Tuesday, January 29, 2002
Yay!

First entry! Oh joy! A word of advice. When you get the option to share an apartment with someone DON'T live with a family member, because somehow you even end up having to spend holidays with them. Seeing how you have to live with them, seeing them during a time that is /supposed/ to be relaxing is just annoying. My cousin, also my roommate can be a real pain in the behind. Now I'm not saying that I'm exactly an angel but at least I don't turn around and get all defensive about something when we first started out having a good conversation.
On the brighter side I may be getting a new aquarium. Yay me! It'll be a 55 gallon, largest I've had so far. Dad is being a pain about it, but mom says she'll let me get it. Especially since I'm the one paying for it. My parents used to keep 125 gallon tanks when I was a kid because they would raise angelfish and kept a few eels, and oscars(mean ass fish, big too). I miss all those tanks we had in the garage. The angelfish in particular were really pretty, and so relaxing to watch.

Music of the moment:Orgy - "Blue Monday"