Another bishonen was molested on: Friday, May 30, 2003
Song of the Moment:
Okay. Okay, I'll stop. I will get no more fish, no more tanks. I thought I was doing pretty good lately, but obviously not. So, I'm finished. What fish I have now, I'll continue to try and take care of the best I can. Even though it's never good enough.
So is this what you want? Well fine. You can have it. I'm done in the fish hobby. I give up. I'm tired. And I don't have the money to keep trying. I don't have the energy. And I'm tired of the heartbreak.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 04:01 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Saturday, May 24, 2003
Song of the Moment: Stupid Girl
I'm so tired of college. I'm starting to wonder what I'm even doing there. I'm not happy. I don't know what I want. My decision for my major was based on the fact that I don't know what I want. And I don't even really want that. All my close relatives...parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles...they all want me to finish college before I get married. Hell, my grandpa on dad's side even sat me down for a half an hour lecture on it's importance. But...maybe it's not what I want. I mean, I don't know where I was to go career-wise in my life. I don't think I really even want a career. Just something that I can enjoy going to every day. And what if I never decide what I want to do in college for my career? What, can I never get married then? *sighs*
I guess I'm really just wishing that everyone would quit telling me how important college is. I KNOW THAT. But it doesn't do me an ounce of good if I'm just wasting my time there. And thats what my classes have been so far. I've tried to do the requirements, and I've done a lot of electives. But I'm getting to the point where I'm running out of things to fill the time...things to do just to say that I'm in college, and make the relatives happy. I'm really getting to the point where I need to make a decision one way or the other, and its really scarey. Because I'm really thinking that I'm just unhappy with college. And I'm really tired of wasting my parent's money.
Heh, but then this presents me with another problem. If I quit college, I'll be expected to get a job. And I can't find a darn thing I would even want to try. I guess that is another reason I've stayed in college. To avoid having to get a job. Pathetic, isn't it?
You know, I actually think I'm afraid to get a job. Its not the actual doing the job that scares me. Its the part about trying to get it. If I don't know you, I am not an assertive person. I do not like to sit there and talk about why I think you should hire me, because I don't know. My self esteem is so low, sometimes I wonder if it even exists. What do I say? What do I do? Where do I go?
Why can't anything in my life be easy?
*sighs* Sparky, I miss you girl. I'm sorry I missed the one time you called me. The message was really nice though. Most people who call me don't leave messages. I guess I can understand, I don't like talking to machines either. Anyway. I'm off to find something to do for the night. Maybe I find a way to get to sleep while I'm at it.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 12:53 a.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Song of the Moment: Butterfly
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I didn't want to come home. :( I don't like this home. It's boring. And it doesn't have my sweetie. I miss him. *pouts* I'm also being forced to look for a job. :( :*(
I had so much fun. *sighs* It's not fair!
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 12:31 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Friday, May 16, 2003
Song of the Moment: nuthin'
Suuuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiii. I looooooooove. Bryan's parents took us out for sushi last night. :) It was very nice of them...if a bit expensive. I felt bad about that. :(
Anyway, my visit has been fairly good so far. I only meant to meet mattmatt, his parents, and grandparents this week. Instead I end up meeting the entire darn family. It was very scarey, and I was very angry...but I got over it, and survived through the whole mess.
Monday was the best. It was mostly just me and Bryan the whole day. We went to the aquarium and I was soooooooooo happy. The Koi exibit was my most favorite part. Then again the 7 foot barracuda were really neato. I never thought they got that big. Guess I was wrong. ;)
The whole church thing on the sunday before was just scarey. I was so happy to finally be out of there. Honestly, why can't people just leave me alone in whatever little corner I pick out to hide in?
Anywho, I have missed talking to my sparky sister! And now, right as I'm about to head back home, she's heading out to Alaska! *pout* Can I go with you? *puppy eyes*
Or better yet, can I just stay here? I dun wanna get a job....*cries* I'm too lazy for a job. mmph.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 02:48 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Thursday, May 8, 2003
Song of the Moment: Stupid Girl
Wow! I have been soooooooo busy lately. It sort of amuses me...in a strange...non-amusing....yet amusing kind of way.
Finals are FINALLY over. YAY!!! And just as finals were over I found out that I would have a week before registration for summer classes. Soooo, I'm like Bryan come get me! ;D It was actually kind of a struggle to get it worked out, and thought it wasn't gonna happen at all. But things worked out in the end, and tomorrow my blondie is coming to pick me up and take me for a week long visit to where he lives. ^_^!! *is so excited*
So naturally, since this is severely short notice, it took a lot of convincing of the parents.(many phone numbers, addresses, and background checks later....) everything is okie dokie now. For me anyway. Dad was like, "Its really your decision if you go...you are 19 after all." And I'm sitting there like O_O...did he really just say that? Can I get it on record?
Anyway, been trying to get laundry done, pack things, pick up my room, pick up the guestroom, get the fish ready, write fish feeding instructions for dad, and keep an eye on the birds. X_X
*falls over* Now...gotta get back to work. Guest bed needs to have sheets put back on it, and I gotta get those instructions for dad. :P
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 09:03 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Sunday, April 27, 2003
Song of the Moment: Dragonfly
*sighs* Wow, what a weekend. But, I think if I can get through my math test tomorrow, and my last, stupid speech for communications, I'll be okay.
This was supposed to have been my spring break...some break. All it was, was stress.
There was the pap test on friday, which really wasn't that bad. It was just uncomfortable. The plus for that is I'm going on the BCP, hopefully it'll help to further clear up my skin. That would make me happy. :)
I also got two new fishes, for the empty 55 gallon. I went to petsmart to stock up on filter media for the tanks, and they had this tank that usually holds their medium to large orandas. Well they had one poor oranda in there with 5 or 6 large shubunkins! I was amazed, and rather happy. Usually they don't get in shubunkins of that size, or quality. Anyway, I got two of them, and they are happy happy on medicated food in their new tank.
I'm also gettin greally frustrated with one of my fist sized apple snails. The little booger keeps getting out of the tank and falling on the floor. The first time I thought he was dead...he'd been out for over a day. But he came out of his shell and started crawling around again two days after I put him back in. Then today he had fallen out again. : Only this time, instead of simply cracking his shell, he broke off a large chunk. I've got some non-toxic epoxy putty ordered...specifically made to go in fish tanks. So I'll try to repair his shell when the stuff gets here.
Stupid snail.
Other than that I don't have much to say...except for my boyfriend was hitting on my best friend the other day. *whacks him with a fish* But only because he was lazy and didn't read the SN that sent him and instant message. He thought it was me...or so he says. (j/k) ^_~
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 08:55 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Thursday, April 24, 2003
Song of the Moment: Down With the Sickness
Hahaha!! Sparky, I don't know whether to be jealous or laugh my ass off. Though the second seems like the best option. ;)
*hugs her blondie* It's okay sweetie...I was wondering when something like that would happen. ^_~
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 09:39 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Song of the Moment: Garden - Dir En Grey
*wipes eyes after reading the entry in sparky's blog about Leggy* Geez...that is just so sweet. It breaks MY heart just reading it. Poor Leggy!!! *cries* *sniffsniff*
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 11:58 a.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Sunday, April 20, 2003
Song of the Moment: Super Drive (Silent Beat Mix)
I was looking around some blogs today...seemed to belong mostly to women...funny that. I noticed many had commented on cute little things their boyfriends got them, and it got me thinking about gifts.
Most males that I've seen/observed/whatever seem to think that giving gifts to women, especially girlfriends/wives, think that they have to be these hugely expensive, very pricey items. You know...$50 flower bouqets, $67 silk teddy bears, $200 pieces of jewlery...
In all honesty I think most women(notice, I say most...meaning those who aren't shallow and dating a guy for their money only) don't require these kinds of gifts...or even necessarily want them. Most are thrilled to death to just get something small. A cute little plushie...some adorable little trinket...something that reminds them of the one they love whenever they look at it. I think that is what most women go for...a cute little reminder that someone loves them.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 09:57 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Saturday, April 19, 2003
Song of the Moment: When I'm Gone
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Man...Christine I'm so sorry about sam. :( You did the best you could. Goldfish are just really hard critters to keep...and when they get sick, it's not always easy to tell what is wrong. And even if you can they just slip away so fast. I'd like to talk to you later about your tank, before you get another fish, if you don't mind. Just have some ideas for tank steralization.
sigh
I feel so lost at the moment. I just don't know what to do. I couldn't stay at the house today...after I got up at like...2. So I thought I would go visit mom and Donna at the shop. That didn't really work...I kind of wandered around aimlessly. Talk about having a lot on your mind. I don't even know where to start in my own head. Naturally. Feel like I'm just kind of drifting along at the moment. And even though the sun was shining, the day felt very dreary to me. Might as well have been raining. Maybe I would have felt better then.
For some reason I keep thinking a white jeep will pull up into the driveway any time now. Won't happen. Mmm...this is why, under normal circumstances, I'm not an optimist.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 08:36 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Saturday, April 12, 2003
Song of the Moment: Headstrong
Blah. Sparky I keep meaning to tell you that I can't get msn to work for me. So I've been using AIM. But knowing my memory, I keep forgetting. Humm. So, there we are. :)
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 12:47 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Thursday, April 10, 2003
Song of the Moment: Somewhere I Belong
Mmph. Wow...what a week. I don't think I've gone to history at all...in fact I can safely say I haven't. Both mornings of that class this week, I just couldn't drag myself out of bed. It figures. Mmph. Well.
I think I'll take Ichiban to visit mom and Donna at the shop today. They ought to find that amusing, and Ichiban gets to ride in the car. ;)
Kind of concered about the end of the semester. My last speech in my communications class especially. *sigh* I really, really don't want to do it. :P Oh well...I'll get through it somehow.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 12:31 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Tuesday, April 8, 2003
Song of the Moment:
Compaqs suck. If you ever buy a computer, do NOT buy a compaq. They are one of the shittiest computers I have ever seen. And it would just figure that we have two of them. And they are both fucked up. Never work right, always struggling.
I adore my IBM Thinkpad. Only the graphics card is a piece of shit. Savage something or other. Most games aren't compatible with it, and that pisses me off greatly. *sigh*
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 03:45 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Song of the Moment:
Last nights episode of Inuyasha was just cute. Poor little half demon...so jealous whenever Kagome(one day I'll learn how her name is really spelled!) even mentioned miroku, or praised him for doing something cool. Heh...it was too adorable.
Ooooh, and sparky, Inuyasha has started coming on at 12:30, not 1am. They surprised me with the change last night. They also have Trigun on at 12, just before Inuyasha. :)
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 09:40 a.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Monday, March 31, 2003
Song of the Moment:
*sigh* Okay today wasn't so bad, except for one little problem. A friend of mine, Laura - that I went to high school with, and have college classes with, really hurt me today. I mean, it wasn't something that I will be scarred for life from...but it still hurt.
We were sitting in class, me and her, and we were talking about something with a guy that sits a couple of rows behind us. Class was still pretty empty, seeing as it hadn't started yet...still 10 minutes till.
Anyway, somehow we get on the topic of fish, and Laura brings up the fact that I killed off one of my tanks(with the accidental overdose of baytril). Now, frankly, that in itself made me angry. Not only was the memory hurtful, but she was LAUGHING about it. And I'm sitting here going..."Laura...that isn't funny." And she looks at me, says "I know," and keeps laughing! As if the event itself didn't devestate me enough...lets just rub it in a bit, shall we?
I honestly wanted to tell her how much that hurt, but just couldn't seem to get it out. Wanted to tell her how it felt to sit there with my hands in the water, swimming my half dead fish around the tank, knowing that it was me that killed them, and that there wasn't a damn thing I could do to reverse the process.
It also didn't help that the guy told...get this, he actually told me that, "Well, they are just fish." As if that explained everything...as if that made it better or easier to deal with.
To me...I lost five members of my family that day. My fish are like my babies...and it hurts to lose one of them more than it does a real person. Not that I expect anyone to really understand that, and not that I really care. I would just hope that people could be a little kinder with their opinions...you know...maybe just think about the other person's feeling first. But I know that is probably asking too much.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 06:13 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Friday, March 28, 2003
Song of the Moment: Mystical Hand of the Amorous Monk, Miroku
I just watched this episode of Inuyasha. OMG...I about died laughing. Poor Kigomei(or however the heck you spell her name)...poor Inuyasha. ;D That amorous monk was just too damn funny. I expected him to be a dirty old man, not a cute little pretty boy. Too bad about that whole black hole in the hand thing. Heh, I loved Inuyasha's reactions whenever the monk got a little too touchy feely with Kigomei. *snickersnort* Or at the beginning where the little fox demon was wondering why Inuyasha wouldn't go bathe with Kigomi...hahaha...poor Inuyasha...so embarrassed. Oh I so loved the end....I really want to get that episode...and a few others would be spiffy too.
Sparks, if you haven't seen this anime, I think you'd really like it. This episode was right up our alley. ;) *wants a Inuyasha plushie*
OH! And I meant to mention - blondie, you were right. That little fox thing is a boy. Or at least someone refered to it as a boy today in the program...though, that doesn't explain why it has a bow in it's hair....
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 01:24 a.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Monday, March 24, 2003
Song of the Moment: Bleh
Man...what a week it was last week. Everything sucked. In a big way. : Hum. Today was really stressful. I had another presentation to do in my communications class. But I got through it as quickly as I could, and really couldn't care less how well I did it. I just wanted it to be over. Other than that the day was just...a normal day.
I feel slightly better about the religions test I have on wednesday...even though I missed an important day of notes. I think, or well, I'm hoping that I'll at least get a 70 on the test. It's a far cry from my last tests where I got a 100 quiz grade, and test grades of 97 and a 98. Ho hum...maybe the instructor will take pity on me since my other grades were so good...though I doubt it.
Dunno what to do with my remaining fish. Since bob is having problems with one of his eyes he got moved into the 20. In the 44, LS's tail is still slightly bloddy, toshiya, and Panic have started sitting on the bottom more and more frequently. panic in particular. I really have no clue what to do. Bah. Maybe I should just give up on keeping fish. I dunno. 55 is still empty since my last bout of stupidity concerning my fish.
Anyway...in trying to have a good day, I'll not think about that at the moment.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 03:59 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Song of the Moment: Wow
It's really been a bad week. The weekend sucked too. Hey, but last wednesday and thursday were nice. Lost an entire tank of fish on sunday. I am such a dummy. Someone needs to slap me. Peh.
I have a math test today. Whoopie. And a history test tomorrow...that I was just told about on tuesday. As well as a speech due next monday. What fun. :
My parents are being assholes, but that is no big surprise. And they think I'm the only one with the attitude problem. Heh, maybe they should take a step back and look at their own attitudes before blaming arguements entirely on me.
I just wanted to say:
Thank you mom and dad, for being so supportive of me at this time ,that is really not going well for me. Thank you for doing things to help me out, and for the emotional support as well.
And if you can't tell, the above was something I like to call sarcasm. :)
Well, anyway, I'm off to another stress filled day of school. Fun, yes?
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 08:07 a.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Tuesday, March 4, 2003
Song of the Moment: I stabbed my fish.
*nods* Today was round one of injections for the fishes. I was really, really scared I would hurt one of them. There was a lot of wiggling, but I managed to inject the 6 that really needed it.
And my sweetie is being kind enough to get me enough antibiotics to do the rest of the fish. Mmm...love him so. ;)
Well that's the real short version of what went on today. So, this is me, going to zone out or something.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 10:05 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Friday, February 28, 2003
Song of the Moment: Stabbith the fish
Well, I finally pulled it off. And if I had thought it would be this simple, I would have done it long before now. What you might ask, have I done? Or you might not be asking that, but I really don't care. I'm gonna tell you anyway. :)
I went with mother dearest to take a couple of our cats to the vet yesterday, for their yearly shots. While there I decided to beg the vet for some antibiotics for my fish, even though I know he's only a dog and cat vet. When I first asked him about it, I fully expected him to say "No." right then an there without even thinking about it. But, he looked at the information I had brought on the med, then went and got this book and looked through it. He looked at me and told me he could order me some, and it would be in by next monday or tuesday.
I about fell over. I couldn't believe that he was actually willing to help me, and I hadn't even really gotten a chance to tell him much why I needed the med. AND he's going to supply me with syringes and needles. I was so happy when I left that vet's office. He really made my month.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 12:00 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Song of the Moment: Bring Me to Life
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life
frozen inside without your touch without your love darling
only you are the life among the dead
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 11:22 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Saturday, February 22, 2003
Song of the Moment:
I feel pretty good. Though I'm a little nervous about this speech I have to do on monday, that I haven't got written yet. Not even close. But anyway. I'm actually not stressing about it that bad.
I also think my apple snails might be munching on my fishes fins while they sleep at night. : That would explain why LS's aren't healing up. They were doing better until I readded the snails to the tank. I'm so mad. Now I need to find a new tank to put them in. Not my angel tank, cause it's planted and the apples would massacre my plants. They did horrible enough in there just temporarily. Hmmph. Be pretty sad if I have to have a tank just for my snails.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 09:37 p.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Song of the Moment:
You know. There is this blonde person I know. He's a great guy. And I love him to itty bitty pieces.
But...
He needs to update that damn blog. That one line is getting on my nerves. ;D
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 08:06 a.m.
Another bishonen was molested on: Sunday, February 16, 2003
Song of the Moment:
Look who archived again! :D Yup...that would be me. Finally! The page was getting rather long.
Kei-chan sent another naughty bishonen to her room at: 08:23 p.m.
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