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Sunday, June 8, 2003
11:16 a.m.
""*sigh*""
So I haven't written in a while. Unfortunately for me, this is probably the most crucial time for me to be writing. That is, the last few months and such. I think I may need to get a new journal. It was great when only I had one and no one knew about it but now everyone has one and they all know and- it's just a big mess of journals to read, especially when I maybe don't want mine in there, you know? Actually, I have no idea what I am talking about; just sometimes I feel very strange thinking about the people who read this. I know no one *important* does, and by important, I am no one I should honestly have to hold my tongue for, and yet, I still worry, becase it has happened in the past. I don't care that they know how I feel, but I figure it is their undoing if *they* take the time to revisit my journal and skim through it whenever they so desire. Anyway--
Yearbooks are out again; it's that time of year, thankfully... And yet, I can't help but look back and be dissappointed with it all. I don't have anything spectacular or nostalgic to write in anyone's yearbook; I can't recall many sweet moments of bliss that we've had together, even... In fact, more than ever I am rather pissed off... well, no, pissed off is not the right set of words to articulate it, but more along the lines of upset at myself for what I have let the year become.
Now, before I say a word, I love all of my friends, and that is just... a given. But sometimes, some of them have these attitude trips that bother me. Now I am not saying that I don't, because let's face it, we all do, but it's like some people refuse to even recognize it. No one in our group says sorry anymore. No one apologizes. Sure, for the little "crap, I didn't mean to scratch your thumb" stupid-ass occurences. But I mean, for anything important. Now, part of this is of course personal, some people just ask for it way too much and put on their "No, it's fine to do what you want but I am actually really upset about it" voice/face/...thing... and THAT well, pisses me off, because if you are going to be a little brat about it then no way am I going to appease you with an apology.
But such things as an honest pissing off of someone or just a general time when someone is shafted or something- these things go without recognition, and why, when they are the important things? ... I used to honestly not have any *real* problems with these people, just a bunch of crap-drama ones that were there possibly just for entertainment value. Now I have the very opposite, but... it's still not even that bad. I wouldn't go without them, I know... well, maybe I would, but I have no reason to; they aren't horribly maltreating anyone *that* badly. hehe.
I just hope that everyone else is as thankful for each other as I am for them. I don't think people even think about it; even realize how shitty starting form scratch is. Sure at first, it's fun and great to meet people and hang out, but you learn their dirty secrets and get involve in far more shit than you want to be... and you find out all of their hidden problems and and, just so much. I guess that's why there are different levels of friendships. Not that I rank mine, but I mean. hey. I'm so out of it, i can't even explain myself correctly. ahhh!
I don't understand how people can go and do something and call themselves better for it. I mean, I think that it's great to have an opportunity and to take advantage of it, and I am all for it. But I think that due to certain circumstances, not everyone can do that. I just want people to recognize this, and keep this in the back of their heads. I just want people to understand that there's going to be a little sourness if they say "no I don't want to hang out with you" and then 3 days later ask for a favor. Sure, it's different with good friends who have known each other, but thinking back on it: you wouldn't treat a new friend that way, would you? So why is it that when you are friends with people for a long time, they lose respect and value for it? Along those lines, people get upset when people don't show them compassion and support in their endeavors. But how can we when they barely give us anything to work with in return? When someone gives you the cold shoulder, what, aren't you going to give it back?
I guess I just feel extremely devalued. I don't think anyone really cares about me anymore. No one really wants me in their life; I'm just there. In this respect, it is good to have this feeling to humble myself next time I treat someone in a disrespectful manner. Too bad some people are so selfish they never consider themselves in this light and continue to be bitchy to everyone else and expect love in return for it. That is one thing though. At least I don't fake it. I can't explain ANYTHING today, arrrg!! I'm just in a bad mood, despite the fact that I had a really good time last night. I have a feeling this summer will bring plenty of good hang out times though. Well, that's the hope.
-Laura.
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Sunday, June 1, 2003
09:55 a.m.
""I think it's kind of funny, I think it's kind of sad""
I would just like to note that if people post things on the internet, this "world wide web" or whatever the eff you want to call it, they should just go ahead and ASSUME the entire world reads it. My friends have journals and they think I don't read it, and yet... I do... and I have been for a while. Not to be conceited, but I have been through so many journal servers and website hosts, and search engines, that I do have a slightly elevated knowledge on the matter. Therfore, it is silly to assume I will "never ever not in a million years" find your journal or whatever. The point of my saying that was not to come off as snotty, but to point out that people *can* find each other's journals anyway. DUM DUM DUM.
-Laura.
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Sunday, May 25, 2003
02:48 p.m.
""rhythm is a dancer""
*sigh* Friday night bummed me out. The show was fine, but I just had this attitude that put a damper on everything... even the nice little conversation which took place with a very unenthusiastic Maggie and I as well. Bleh, ill-will. I don't know. How stupid is it to be upset over people you don't know and things you can't control? Extremely, yes, see I know the answer to the question, but it doesn't change how I feel, in all honesty.
This weekend has been filled with people I missed, people I hadn't seen in some time... people I am very fortunate to be in the midst of. And somehow, still, I am unfulfilled. But happy. =)
-Laura.
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Saturday, May 3, 2003
11:56 a.m.
""i know.""
I am running away from my problems because I don't have the courage to stand up to them. And I know no matter how many times I run through it in my head, things can't be the peachy-paradise-keen way I want them to be. My word is not worth shit apparently, and the final say won't help my case either. It's all shot to hell... in a handbasket. I don't think anyone can ever understand this; I don't think I can ever share until the last, final moment before termination. We'll see.
-Laura.
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Saturday, April 5, 2003
12:39 p.m.
""I am such a prick""
My brother just offered me a ticket to a sold out Flogging Molly show in San Francisco tonight. But I am turning it down. I'm a retard. I know what you are thinking, "GO you stupid IDIOT!!" I know, I know... but I know it will be awkward and I don't know if I will have fun. The situation is sudden and weird... and although I trust my brother, I don't know... I am in debt over 100 dollars right now, I can't just whip out another 20... AHHH i hate being like this, but it's not as simple as just going and having fun either. I've felt shitty all week, and if I do while I am there, I can't just say "take me home" or anything like that. I hate how everything goes in cycles and this week I have felt just shitty all around. I hate it. I can't even do anything for myself, either. I am a hopeless case. F this S!
-Laura.
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Saturday, March 29, 2003
11:26 a.m.
""Earwax""
Life is just as beautiful as you make it.
Mine right now... is superb. I can appreciate the small wonders and joys, elaborate on the simple smiles and minimize any insignificant grudges. In the end, it doesn't matter who cheated at capture the flag, or who is my badminton partner is, or who gives me a ride, or who stole my shoe and made me get tanbark all up in my sock. All I can say is I had a great time getting there. My friends... are the best friends one could know. I just wish sometimes that we could function as a unit instead of smaller portions of a larger whole. There is always someone discontent; always the one who doesn't want to participate, and, although I accept it, I just keep thinking... "there's gotta be something to please everybody"
Yesterday was one of the better nights, comrade speaking, I have had in a very long time. Lately I have gotten my definite fair share of high-quality shows of exceptional musical caliber, as well as exceptional company. Shows are different things to everyone, and I know certain people go "just to go" or go "cause everyone else is" but... honestly, they do something else for me deeper than that. The Gilroy show was awesome. Even when we said it kind of sucked, we just said it to say it, or well, I can't explain it becuase it ties in with other events. The point is, that show has kept me smiling for days. It's like a token or some rare coin that I found on the street that I'll keep in my wallet from now on. People treated us lovely-ly. (right on for made up words) And I'll be completely honest here; I wasn't fawning over what occured as an enamored teenager, but moreso that it was kind of all that occured; something to be excited over. I hadn't even thought of that actual part until just now, but yea, it was nice. What would I have been excited for otherwise? ...the fact that he knocked the fake fire lamp off the amp? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Maggie and I are a team. We are getting married. Well, we aren't going to sign papers or anything, but we are having a wedding. You are invited, if you would like. Part of it is a joke, and part of it is playing off of an idea that is used as a sort of should-be insult but doesn't really hurt our feelings. ? I'm not really sure how to explain it because I don't know how it's meant. Kind of like when you ask someone how they are, sincerely, and they roll their eyes and go "just peachy." And then you are like "what the fuck. ok..." because you don't think you should be nosy becuase they will bite your head off but you don't know if you not wanting to know sounds insensitive and yea. Damn.
Yea, last weekend kicked ass. The gilroy show was prime. The outhouse show Friday was choice too. Except for the windshield wiper solution and eggs. Grr. Still mad about that. Fuckers. But yea, last week, 4 star shows. This week, well, is not over yet. Thursday night Jason drove Maggie and her little sister, Jenny, and I around and we went to the cubing park's big hill. You could see all the city lights and everything... Pollution can be pretty sometimes, all those unnatural hues that occur low in the skyline... it's crazy. It was really nice though; for once I felt like instead of being suffocated by the people around me and all the smug classrooms and strange odors that I was instead about to be consumed by the stars. A much more intense feeling anyway.
Friday night was more than I had asked for. Things started off with Carlie and Maggie and I, the three caballeros for a few hours, driving around legally looking for some action. Well, not action, but you know, something to do. Anyway, we got our walkie talkies and water balloons and met up with a buncha guys at Togo's. Later, we were at the park messing arond, and Carlie, Jason, Maggie, and Jenny left me... with about 8 guys. Which was fine, but I was a little weirded out. Things were good though, and we all got laughs at each other's expense. I love it when people get along. Yay. And we even engaged in an impromptu on accident water fight that wasn't supposed to be but just sort of happened, yea, on accident. uh huh. That was fun, too, according to me at least. hehe. Ok ok, so the capture the flag game failed it's job: to be fun. So I was being a little bitch and not cooperating. I know. I'm sorry. I get it.
You know, I have decided that I want to get my license kind of soon. So that I can drive my van around, which, mind you, carries a total of SEVEN includind myself, more than anyone else's car. AND i have a kickin' 10-CD changer, a pop it in the mouth at the front CD thing too, a bunch of sound options, and the speakers can pimp it if they want to. There's even a little remote for it that the people in the back can change the radio and all that with, yay. The van is ghetto. But not as ghetto as a lot of other things... like, the buick. yup. I don't want a minivan, but oh well. I'll take what I can get.
You know what else is nice? When someone tells you they like someone "real bad" and that they plan on telling them; plan on asking them out. How adorable is it, you ask? Very. Extremely. Muchisimo. Although since you don't know who, I am sure it isn't, but MAN if you knew you would be like "DUDE I never thought this day would come. Praise tha lord!" haha.
Oh, and one more thing!! I FINISHED MY CAREER PROJECT!! Finally! All that is left is the presentation, whew.
Alright homedawgs, I am out.
-Laura.
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Wednesday, March 12, 2003
09:17 p.m.
""Roma! Amor!""
Sometimes I really just feel like sighing and crying and sighing again. Why do people think friends are so disposable? Why do people use each other to get "one up" on everyone else. Why do I give a damn about people who clearly could not give a rat's ass about me and mine. I am never sharing anything with you ever again.
-Laura.
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Sunday, March 2, 2003
03:03 p.m.
""A strange yet entertaining piece""
1. so, what's your name? Laura
2. do you wish your name was mudbucket jellybean? haha, not particularly
3. why not? on those standardized test things, it would read "jellymud" or something unattractive like so
4. geez, you're no fun. anyways, what's you're birthday? november 4. 1986.
5. If you're birthday was June 9th, would you write the numerical date
without
the 0s? you know, that whole 69 joke isn't funny by itself... It takes someone really witty to make it funny all on it's own and you are... not it
6. what's your zodiac? scorpius
7. do you wish you were a cancer just so you could write the sign? har har, no. i'm not all too infatuated with sex or anything like it.
your appearance:
8. what is the shade of your coffiure? i am not sure, but i am going to guess taupe. haha, yes, NOT biege!! NOT "light brown", taupe, just like the expired m&m's.
9. wouldn't it be cool if you dyed your hair old lady gray? No, I think I will refrain from doing so... I don't want to end up looking like Cher, now, do I?
10. what's your eye color? blue... "pools of water" Billy!!
11. would you like to have eyeballs that you could take out and use as
marbles? what is the point of playing with them if you can't see what you are playing? also, wouldn't they scratch all to often... that would be painful... and just think of the amount of pink eye you could get! geh!
12. any glasses or contacts? no. well i have glasses, non-perscription.
13. any glasses with tape on them? nup.
14. but wouldn't you want those? sure why not.
15. what kind of clothes do you normally wear? laura style clothes. ok, ok, pants in combination with a shirt and a sweatshirt.
16. do you ever wish you were a nudist so you could skip questions like
that? no, i never wish i was a nudist. EVER.
your favorites:
17. physics equation? not quite
18. geometry theorem? you know, the quadratic equation proves useful more times than not.
19. phosphate base of DNA? Hmm... I like the "U" one
20. phosphate base of RNA? shhh.
21. cheer from "bring it on"? Ice cold beer, makes you wanna cheer, ice cold wine, makes you feel fine, ice cold gin, makes you wanna win, ice cold duck, makes you wanna FIGHT! (Okay, so that's my dad's)
22. flavor of grass? green. (yes i know that is a color not a flavor, but think about the association red has with flavors...)
23. way to ingest hemlock? through a microscope. heh.
24. monty python sketch? the one we always talk about... "she turned me into a newt! ...i got better..."
25. untraceble poison? Maggie... she poisons boys untrace-iblly (how the fuck do you spell that? Is that even a word?)
26. way to give birth? I dont want to discuss that...
26. dirty joke? The one about the guy who rings the doorbell with other means becuase he has no arms or legs.
27. fake flash guys in a bikini top outside your window or be walked in on
on when you're in a bikini top by someone who was turned on by it? i guess the latter, depending on who?
28. listen to queen's greatest hits on replay for the rest of your life or
have
the only weezer song you're allowed to hear be "hash pipe"? well, i guess the weezer, since it seems that i would *only* be allowed to listen to queen?
29. be a prostitute or have to do all those sexual acts for free? how about i have no sexual organs, and we call it even?
30. have to go to school in an eyeliner moustache or eyeliner on your eyes? eyeliner on the eyes is not to uncommon.
31. as a girl, have to marry billy corgan or rivers cuomo? Rivers gives me shivers!! hehe.
32. as a guy, have to marry avril lavigne or alanis morrisette? alanis, i suppose
33. get cherry coke spilled on you or have someone tell you really nasty
dirty jokes all night? hey i appreciate jokes...
about you:
34. ever played a disney song so loud the furniture shook? unfortunately, no
35. ever had a pet halibut? no...
36. ever named your pet eric? no, maybe in the future, though...erik with a K
37. do you think of macadamia nuts whenever you pass a bus stop? YES!! I love that song... it gets stuck in my head, but i can't really sing it all on my lonesome, obviously.
38. are you wearing galoshes? Totally. Becuase I love that song.
39. have you ever wanted to skank with the rude boys and girls? sure I have. I can't really, but I have wanted to.
40. have you ever posted a teacher's picture on hot or not? no... perhaphs i will now though.
41. have you ever had a cart race in the grocery store? haha, yeas
42. thought you might vote republican if you could vote? no. not yet anyway.
your goals:
43. where would you like to live? here. new york?
44. but i hear northern siberia is lovely. how about there? maybe, if it was free?
45. what kind of job would you like? website designer, business owner of "the building"
46. ever thought of being a career bum? haha, thought about it, and decided not.
47. what if you thought you could sing really well? I can't.
48. what kind of person would you like to marry? one who shares a mutual feeling of respect and won't burn me.
49. what if michael jackson proposed to you? would you accept? not in this day in age, honey. Hah.
Ah, wonderful, shmunderful.
-Laura.
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Saturday, February 22, 2003
12:16 p.m.
""Live for...today""
Alright so I admit it... I have been preoccupied lately with people, as always it would appear. Amazingly, my family has witheld a fortified relationship for an intensly long time. My parents have not spat with me regarding anything for the past month, except for a few small things like cat food and dishes. They haven't even pulled that "oh but it is a school night, you can't go out" for a while either. Huh, imagine that.
I am incredibly excited for this year's Canopener... No knife? The velvet teen? Don't miss out.
On an unrelated note... I have to hit myself because I have issues displaying affection in public. Actually, I have issues displaying affection in front of people I know remotely, whereas complete strangers I am still corteous, but I care much less. It's fairly understandable, although I feel that it makes me appear to be a heartless shrew of sorts. Am I though? No really, self-analyzation only works to a certain extent. I think this has been the worst entry thus far.
-Laura.
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Sunday, February 2, 2003
10:06 a.m.
""Take this one and put it in your pocket""
Yeah, you, only losers fall in love. That's why you claim to love people, I guess? Too bad you say it so often that when it comes down to true feelings, all you can do to emphasize it is repeat it and add words like "really very much" that sound all too elementary.
If you thouroughly consider it, love and hate are not opposites of each other. I was going to get into my explanations and everything, but I would rather not at the moment. It appears the ideas I write in here are read but other comrades, taken, by some, as gold, and reiterated to me like they made them up. And then they tell all their friends and decide it's a good theory or something lame like that. At least if you take an idea, you should be able to back it up. Well take this idea and back it up yourself.
Psht, "original idea" ...my ass. Everyone takes into account things around them to create something. We are all very effected by what goes on, and no one can rely deny that. Even if you are holed up in a cabin with no electricity, you have nature. Not human nature, but it's there. This has nothing to do with anything. But hey, there's my no-edit policy in action.
I can't keep a train of thought today. At all. I just want for people to wake up so I can talk to them. Now would be a GOOD TIME. Damn. Usually when I do that, it works. Oh, and I know I have said this before, but it's interesting how all the people I do not talk about read what I write and think I am talking about them, and how all the people I do talk about never even consider the fact that perhaphs I could have written something regarding themselves. I sort of feel like shouting... "Accept the fact that you aren't perfect, okay?" Maybe I will, just for the hell of it. That and my parents are taking about 20 minutes to get the fuck out of the door to walk.
Whoever was it that said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was right. =) I'm a loser.
-Laura.
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Thursday, January 30, 2003
05:11 p.m.
""just hold on a second, please, please""
for the sake of not opening another program:
feb 6-Aram & Rossi,Good Nite,The Dying Californian,Slip To Save You,300 Pounds(Outhouse 6)
feb. 8-Ozma,Plain White T's,Don't Look Down,Will Today(Outhouse)
feb. 21-Suburban Legends,Dan Potthast,Solemite,Out Of Fiction(Outhouse)
feb. 21- Under A Dying Sun,a burning water,desa (Porter, sound box)
feb. 28- The Velvet Teen,The Jealous Sound,End Transmission,Jamie Xiu Xiu,Hockey Night (Gaslighter)
-Laura.
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Saturday, January 25, 2003
10:58 a.m.
""Boom Shacka Lacka Shacka Lacka""
You know, if only I could sort out my thoughts and decide on exactly what I want, things would be so much easier. I have been peer-pressured this week entirely too much. I let things get to me too much. And I never think about consequences so everything ends up suprising me.
I am losing my title as "a friend" and becoming a mere tacked-on piece... as "the girlfriend" That's all people talk to me about now. And I never said it was bad, but it just kills what friendship was there before or something. I guess I'm too into independence or some shit like that. I wouldn't care except for it changed things, most for the good, but a few for not-so-nice. The people I consider the "control" in my life; the never-altering reliance of whom I look to in any situation... have failed me. And I don't have that quite anymore. Although I have gained someone to talk to online that does the job well unknowingly. He's just as psychotic pissed-off as me, so no shit from him. And I got to bitch out someone online yesterday... becuase he asked me to! Weirdy... And he was in a good mood because my friend told him she's not interested? Wow, that's a turn-around. But hey, as long as people are happy, so am I.
And WHOA, I met "HELLA" people within the past 2 weeks! Er, not met, but people I know of but had never talked to. I love meeting new kick ass kids. Makes me warm and fuzzy. I love cherishing people. I think that's why I'm attachted to photos. I don't know. Well, *now* I feel great! =)
-Laura.
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Friday, January 17, 2003
11:21 p.m.
""Eek! Too many events!""
So much stuff happened today... it's only 11:21 but I am exhausted. Between cubing in Almaden and playing hide and seek at the park, all my energy has gone to shit. There's some anxiety there, since "this is what it's like when worlds collide." I mean, if you don't want to do something, why show up and complain the whole time? That seems to be the theme of the evening, I guess.
At least I had a good time. And I don't regret one minute of it. I got to see sooo many people today who I normally don't. Although it wasn't talking to them; it really was literally just seeing them.
Not only did I accomplish many a thing today, such as the ultimate 2-person ice block sled, but other... not-so-pleasing accomplishments were made... i.e. Ryan and Jessie both scratched a random person's car... except one was my neighbor's so I guess that isn't quite so random, huh? Eh, today people were either in poor or magnificent spirits. I wan't to kill the bad ones and just let all the good times flow. No, really. Why ya gotta hate, huh? Just be fricken happy at least you are out of the house with people you *like*. Are people not thankful for anything these days, or what??
-Laura.
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Wednesday, January 15, 2003
08:40 p.m.
""Scrumdidilliumptious""
Drama. Tenfold. The best brought on the worst, and then it all leveled out, just. like. usual. My dad is coming back from Florida tomorrow; a grand return I have anticipated since he left, of course. The worst is over, for now. Take a breath, now let it out.
I feel so relieved. I know my schooling is not up to perfect par at the moment, but I have confidence that it will be. Although at the same time, finals can make or break me... Well, let us hope for the best there can possibly be, right? If I ask God for good grades, will he deliver? Of course not, what are you thinking?!? I am God! Psht! Well, I am not going to lie, I really do fear for finals, but I figure there isn't much I can do for them at this point since I am just the worst student ever and there is no way to alter my ultimate weakness. Fuck. *sigh* I just, can't decide how I feel today. It seems that all the new people I met were like "WOW, you are cool for about 3 days, but now you aren't anymore, sorry." and then all the kids who disliked me decided, "Hey wait- she is kinda interesting. How about we be friends?"
Typical potheads!!
-Laura.
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Saturday, January 11, 2003
03:05 p.m.
""Hey there shortstop.""
I got a little antsy today, so I thought I would share some good old photos with you.
In rememberance of St. Patrick's Day Picnics:
Alright, so we are wondering... Who looks better in this hat? Me:
...or Maggie?
And now... for a grand finale...
Enjoyed much?
-Laura.
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Saturday, January 11, 2003
10:48 a.m.
""G-Love and The Special Sauce. Milk And Cereal.""
WELL. Yesterday was one of the more interesting days I have had in some time. Not for everyone, just for me, because I get excited around new and different people I suppose. The other Laura and I went and hung out with kids that go to Leigh, kids we don't consort with everyday then. And hey, I had a good time, even if I wore a sarcastic smile, I really did. But I felt obligated to make certain people feel comfortable, and ended up just sitting there thinking about how to do it and not actually doing anything about it. Ahh, I'm an idiot.
Later, Jenny broke Laura's vase and got her in trouble, sorry about that one, kiddo. I feel bad even though I was four feet away and all. Tough Stuff.
Back to the point: I was super psyched yesterday to see all these wonderful people I don't, who I am fortunate to have as companions. Tomm, you are a life saver, thanks a cajillion. Love to all, but especially...
you.
-Laura.
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Tuesday, January 7, 2003
02:09 p.m.
""I own.""
what saddle-creek band are you
brought to you by Quizilla
Muahaha Maggie! just kidding.
-Laura.
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Sunday, January 5, 2003
07:47 p.m.
""Brr it's cold in here. so take off all your clothes. (mu hu! song oxymoron hybrid)""
I succumed to the peer pressure. Ahh fite shuck.
// series one - as usual
-- Name: Laura Nicole S------
-- Birthdate: November 4. 1986
-- Current Location: Saint Jose
-- Eye Color: blue. maybe even cobalt.
-- Hair Color: brown, although in the sunlight it's reddish i guess.
-- Righty or Lefty: I use my correct hand. (for those of us who are slow... i use my RIGHT hand)
-- Zodiac Sign: Scorpio. I hate insects.
-- Innie or Outtie: innie. I could make belly button lint if I so desired.
// series two - describe
-- Your heritage: very strange. czech...(cant spell that one) umm also mexican, irish, scottish, polish, portugese
-- The shoes you wore today: the ultra-high converse with mega long laces.
-- Your hair: fickle. even when i style it, it looks the same. but i can make it do lotsa things if i want... but i never want to...
-- Your eyes: changeling eyes. they chameleon-ize to match what i'm wearing. you can see the sunlight coming through the side of my eyes, too.
-- Your weakness: everybody knows my toes are sensitive. just me generally is super sensitive. i have not one g spot. but many "geez" spots. otherwise, i am weak for love.
-- Your fears: being alone, anywhere anytime. dying without accomplishing anything. being a virgin forever, haha. throwing it all away and living for drugs and selling my body, yes, that would be not so good.
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: owning my own business, my style and paving the way, i.e. being the first to do what i do. never buckling on my code of ethics, err, the improtant ones. i would like to have people besides my family to fully trust and count on.
// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: besides haha. "that's fucking wank" if i'm mad or maybe the ever-popular "i don't know"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: I feel so warm, and i wish i was with... dammit i have to get up.
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: i sort of look away but since we're talking "checking out" i guess facial structure, arms, hair, yeah, hair can make or break some people. sometimes it doesn't matter, but oh, good hair, oh man.
-- Your best physical feature: everyone tells me I have nice eyes, and that I absolutely must look them in the eyes when I talk to them for it. I think I have nice hands, they serve me well, except for playing instruments. Tomm says my nose is cute.
-- Your bedtime: usually none, but depending on how loud I am, my mom sometimes tells me to go to sleep at 2 or 3.
-- Your greatest accomplishment: keeping the wonderful people I have known all these years and not throwing it out over petty disagreements.
-- Your most missed memory: late nights on La Con court, being so so close to keep warm. spying on mr. ferndog. the bestestestest show in Santa Cruz. My brother taking me out in the wee hours of the morning for food.
// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: dont care
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Mickey D's doesn't smell as weird
-- Single or group dates: single?? i guess. i wouldn't know.
-- Adidas or nike: adidas are cool-looking
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea, but lipton is okay too.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate candy, vanilla soda and ice cream
-- Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino!
-- Boxers or briefs: boxers have cool prints. on jason? tighty whities. 2 pairs. hah.
// series five - do you
-- Smoke: not so far
-- Cuss: well yeah. i can cuss crazy-like if i want to. I cussed a lot last night at Jason for not following Capture the Flag rules, fucking moron.
-- Sing well: Not in the least! But it's fun to do it and annoy people. I can crack my voice every other syllable, it sounds like...
-- Take a shower everyday: oh yeah. sometimes even twice! oh, the horror!
-- Have a crush(es): Yes, oh yes.
-- Who are they: Copying maggie's answer: "Let's just say that most of their names end with n or m.... (=" they are different though. Only one for real. Many who are taken/ too old/ dumb as bricks but they have nice... hair.
-- Do you think you've been in love: Let's see. love? i love people. In love? not quite.
-- Want to go to college: definately. but once i'm there I know I'll just want out.
-- Like high school: I like the aspect of seeing my posse everyday, but i hate most of the people and most of the classes, but the classes could be good if the people weren't morons.
-- Want to get married: that i do
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yes, usually
-- Think you're attractive: ummm not at all. I think I can be "cute" at times, but that's about as far as it goes.
-- Think you're a health freak: no, otherwise I *would* be attractive
-- Get along with your parents: insanely well, except when they want more from me and I can't deliver so they revoke my out of the house privileges
-- Play an instrument: I keep trying, but it doesn't work. I know some keyboard songs. And I can play touch-tone telephones.
// series six
-- in the past 3 months, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: mom wanted my "expert" opinion on some blush wine
-- Smoke(d): never been
-- Done a drug: well i took headache meds.
-- Made out: never been, also. although maggie and I did make out pretty well this year. *wink wink*
-- Go on a date: I... don't know? I don't call it that, but that's what you 4 told Alex.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I don't even like Oreos that much.
-- Eaten sushi: yeah i had some sushi, and Maggie's mom makes good stuff, too!
-- Been on stage: technically yes, but not by choice
-- Been dumped: Nope. Never had that chance anyway.
-- Gone skating: what kind of skating? Well, no anyway.
-- Made homemade cookies: Not really cookies, but a map of the United States out of snickerdoodle dough. I say they were edible...
-- Been in love: with a sole soul? not yet.
-- Gone skinny dipping: haha. no.
-- Dyed your hair: mmhmm. but it always looks the same. eh, i'm not complaining.
-- Stolen anything: I put a gum package on the belt at the grocery store without asking my parents once...
// series seven - have you ever
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: not on alcohol. Martinelli's hung me over. My friends intoxicate me with their presence and then I get wired and craaazy
-- Been caught "doing something": well I've been caught looking like I'm doing something with someone, but NO, we were just acting it out as a visual representation! and then there were charades!! Why does no one believe me!!
-- Been called a tease: yeah, but i don't see why
-- Gotten beaten up: Ryan gave me a purple eye on accident.
-- Shoplifted: Shops are too heavy for me to lift.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: probably. everyone does, if you think about it. I'm happy with myself now, middle school and freshmen year was where it hurt.
// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: whenever I'm for sure ready??
-- Numbers and names of children: I don't care too much, but I would say 2 or 3, about 2 years apart. Damien is a great name for a guy, also elijah, mayber oliver. Oh and umm, no I will not name my kid after a country.
-- Descibe your dream wedding: one where everyone I love shows up and I'm not stood up. I think a color theme that punches out at you would be cool. And I don't want to have to dance with all the guys and get money pinned on my dress. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF TRADITION IS THAT?!?!? "oh this is your last chance to be a hoe" and i hate dancing with guys unless I really want to.
-- How do you want to die: "killing me softly" haha, but yes, something that doesn't disturb anyone or give nightmares. If I knew I was going to die soon, maybe I would martyr myself. I do not want to die while having sex, like in "Like Water For Chocolate" *shudders*
-- Where you want to go to college: Taking money, location, attendees, and myself into all consideration. UC Santa Cruz rocks me.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: I would like to own that crazy restaurant/venue/shop thing we made plans to. Or do something asthetics- oriented.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Japan!! I hear Scotland is pretty.
// series nine - opposite sex
-- Best eye color? blue or CRAZY blue. that's right there are 2 colors of it. (i kidd you, there are obviosuly many) Green also, and hazel can look really attractive on some
-- Best hair color? natural color? i have no preference on the color, but crazy dyed hair on guys doesn't float my boat too much
-- Short or long hair?: sh...long? haha, i said shlong... Long hair can be muy caliente if it's styled to their accord.
-- Best height: taller than me, not hard to be. same is fine,too.
-- Best weight: i don't know how much guys usually weigh. but i like the skinnier ones where you can hug them and feel their muscles and know where their touchy-bones are. yeah, oh yeah, touchy bones.
-- Best articles of clothing: yes, they should wear clothing. that donnie darko hood-up hands-in-pocket look can do it for me. nice shoes get bonus points. tight stuff is not so good usually.
-- Best first date location: a place where no one else is around to distract you; a place where you can scream and someone will hear you in case it turns out to be a rape-then-murderer
-- Best first kiss location: one no one else is watching; not during a game of truth or dare. (haha) In a car with no console?
// series ten - number of
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: zippo
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: i think a handful, actually.
-- Number of CDs that I own: 60-70 good ones, 100+ total
-- Number of piercings: no punctures on me
-- Number of tattoos: none
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? Maggie and I were in a photo of a show once! My name has been in it on various counts, can't remember for what though.
-- Number of scars on my body: Too many, most of which I have no clue how they got there.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: I don't regret anything, otherwise I would still be a wussy retard and never have the uptime that I do get.
Love to all.
-Laura.
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Saturday, January 4, 2003
12:19 a.m.
""Take me home!""
Well. Quite a day I have had. Tomm and John came to my house for a little, which was probably the highlight of my day. The Catholics next door were outside, so their reaction to cussing and talk of the devil was rather entertaining. Not to mention they were critiqued on their athletic abilities somewhat. That's the most laughs I've gotten all this week. Thanks a billion. I would elaborate but then I would sound like an obsessed fan or someshit.
We made a bonfire at Jessie's that didn't really get going until we had to get going, too, but it was fun while it lasted. Billy fell asleep on the swing, which caused him to fall on the ground... and he didn't even notice. I was in a semi-pissy mood, though, being that Ryan annoyed the fuck out of me with his judgemental assumptions and offensive slander directed towards people I know and like and he, well, doesn't even know. So Four-letter-word him!
A certain close friend of mine has been getting touchy feely (not with me, mind you, she's a girl. Ok, with me too, but only because it was cold!) and she has put me in that lovin' feeling. Dammit! Although today, Tomm's hug hurt my hand badly, so I slightly wonder if it's a sign. Maybe I'm not supposed to hug anyone. Dun dun dun. Someone is avenging me. Although this week I got an extremely vast amount of pains. Scratches, bruises, etcetera. Although I did do some weird stuff. I played nub DDR! Went double-swinging. New Year's eve hide and go seek, extreme style. My cat got mad at me. Tomm scratched me with his skateboard. Chopped firewood. Fell off the counter. Umm, oops?
Oh! And I know this isn't a big deal, and no one wants to know this...but I peed in a cup today! I don't think you realize how wonderful it was. I held it for 3 hours. And I did it on some hill at Doerr Park. Unf yeah. And tomorrow is Saturday! We all know what that means!! (Brian comes back from Hawaii) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee. First time I used his name I think?
-Laura.
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Thursday, January 2, 2003
12:30 a.m.
""I like sugar in my tea""
What is wrong with me? Five friends come over to play Clue, Simpsons Clue at that, and I am a bad host. And then Jenny, Julianne, and Shalana drop in unexcpectedly to say hi! Yay! So I am sitting there, surrounded by 8 or more people I love, and I fell horrible. It's not that they are boring, in fact, they are some of the grestest kids I have come to know in my day. But for some reason I just can't get over the few people I am without. I was ditched, hypothetically speaking. And I said so. And all the response I got was "Well, it will get better." Which could be somewhat reassuring, but I'm not all too sure it will. I wish he was online right now so I could interrogate him. Why do I always dwell on him? I shouldn't. I'm not obsessed with him. But he is pissing me off.
"Oh I totally want to come visit you! I can't wait! It'll be next Monday! Tuesday if i have bad luck! YAY! I love you!" but it really means "Well, I guess I could hang out with you if I get bored. But you will have to hang by a thread until I am absolutely positive my other friends are unavailable. I don't want to hang out with you if I have plans with them, because frankly they are more important to me." I know, I know, I overreact. But that's what it feels like. I think part of the reason I let myself think this is due to the fact that there is no one around to tell me otherwise. I tried talking to him about it, but he mysteriously dissappeared. And everyone else is gone. I should never let myself fall into these ruts, but I do. Deeper and deeper.
Ryan makes a bad older brother. All he wants out of me is to get action. That deserves a "what the fuck"! But this week alone, I have been a bad everything. A bad daughter, sister, friend, hostess, helper. Everything.
Maybe if I could just let go and not try to "figure people out" then everything would be fine. But I can't for some reason. I have to know. And I tell people tidbits of information, and they think they know, so they can have a laugh with me about it. But they don't... I just let them think that. Once again, I am a horrible friend.
Gah, it's just one of those "wallow in despair"/ "I hate the world" weeks.
-Laura.
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Tuesday, December 31, 2002
12:07 a.m.
""Feeling like a rickety wagon pulled uphill by a 12 year old""
I always knew i had bad aim, but I never thought I would miss this much. (That was a pun, you moron; see below) This week, although my family and friends are here, I feel lonely. And I blame it all on vacation. Damn trips to Hawaii! Damn them! I have no motive to do anything this week. I haven't held a conversation with Maggie or Jessie yet, and the two week break is more than halfway over. I know, I know, make the best of the last portion. But it's hard with this dreary rain, keeps bringing me down. If it wasn't for the rain... I could go outside and meet the kids I'm supposed to. If it wasn't for the wind I could be fearless.
No, the rain isn't my problem. What's my issue is that I care too fucking much about people. And I miss them, a whole lot when they aren't around. Today, being the end of Monday, signifies yet five more days to wait. This gives me time to care about other people whom I have thus far neglected, only to realize they distrust in me and care not for my antics. Makes me sad to know, but it happens. But I'm not going to lie about it and deny those facts. I'm honest. Well, I consider myself to be so, anyway.
For nostalgic purposes, I am creating an online photo album. Give me photos to put on it, and I will scan and return them to you. I want all types of photos including friends and antics, situational things, random objects and body parts, strange faces, etcetera. I want it all. Give it to me and I'll make a catergory. Carlie gave me some kick-ass ones, and I know if we loot around Jessie's massive collection we'll have a hardcore lot.
Oh, the things I do to keep me busy.
-Laura.
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Saturday, December 28, 2002
01:43 p.m.
""Fucking no""
I don't know. I keep saying that so often lately. I keep feeling replaced. I know that people are really awesome when you meet them and they live so far away and you feel like you know them just oh so well. But what happens if you meet them and it doesn't go that well? Are they aware of the millions of minions you keep for yourself? Do they do the same to tide themselves over and feel loved? Why must you rely so much on people... I do it too, you know. I would for you, maybe six months ago. But there are better-built pieces than me you found. You sort me the same way you do with your laundry. I'm not even a worn-in favorite, just a worn-out mediocrity, I guess. I wish I knew what people thought of me despite what they say they think. I wish I knew, and I mean indubitably knew that what was said was true. I hate falling for crap like this. "You are the only one for me" Yeah, me and half the girls in the city between the ages of 14-19. And then you hide me away and act distant when I figure you out and move on. Well it's your own god damn fault. "I just don't want to hurt anyone" MY ASS. I'm not frustrated. I'm calm and collected, but I think it's uncool to play people like marionettes when you yourself complain about it. But then, who am I to talk? Even when I do try to come to some consensus with you, it always returns to the same poety as before. We had our hayday. Let's not try to go back and fuck that up, too, shall we?
I feel it is necessary to interject here that fact that I am not "in love" with this person nor was I ever. It's corny but true, I hold a whole lot of love for everyone. And I do care. For everyone. People let me down. Because I let them. You would think I would learn by now. Maybe my sudden mood is due to my busting out of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Silence. Because I wasn't like this 20 minutes ago. And this cd gives me stomach cramps. =D
-Laura.
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Tuesday, December 24, 2002
09:58 a.m.
""I got this thing that I consider my only art...of fucking people over""
I had one of the best weekends I've had for a while, despite the fact that I caught Maggie's cough. Friday consisted of a perfect get-together to end all get-togethers of the year. (since ALL of use went) Saturday I saw someone who I hadn't gotten to meet "for reals" yet, and that was special to me. I smile thinking on it. Oh, right, back on track, um, Sunday, provided some brother and me time to mess around. Also, Maggie and Ryan banged on my window while I was at my computer and freaked out my entire family, which was quite the experience. Fucking Alphabet that was the scariest thing ever. I think when I screamed, I didn't just go "ahhh" I think I said "What do you want?!?!" Cripes, guys, you could've just called. or rang the doorbell. And althought Monday isn't part of the weekend, Monday was really fun too. I got to see four people I don't often see!! (Well that's not exactly accurate, but I won't work into the details) I don't know though, what everyone else is thinking about this.
I told you it was boring. Why are you reading it, then? My only good entries come when I am angry, sad, or depressed... none of which I am right now. I sorta couldn't be if I tried, I bet, just because too many good things and people came into my life all at once. Although I should get studying more, because now I have a distraction that wasn't there before, haha. Well, in my adventurous state today, I am going to try and recover the missing T-Z mp3 files. Doubtful that it will happen, but I can put my computer skills to the test. =D
GOD DAMMIT I CAN'T STOP SMILING. What is wrong with me?!?!?
-Laura.
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Sunday, December 15, 2002
06:10 p.m.
""Kill the messenger""
It's very discouraging to meet new people and... make a mistake, I guess you could say, to try to regain land you lost at that point. Like, if you jump into a deep pool head first, and right before you hit the water you get scared and wished you had never done it, but you fall and it seems that the water hardly reacts... So you feel bored with it, and try to come back to liven it up but it's uninteresting now, and you feel that maybe you should just let yourself sink on purpose so that someone will notice you.
What the fuck am I talking about?? That's completely irrelevant to my situation. I think I am embarrassed and I'm trying to cover it up. I do think, though, that I put to much energy into starting things but not maintaining them. I wish I wasn't like that though. It seems that whatever I do, I can't gain back that electricity that was once there. I guess maybe that's why the only people I truly like are the ones I get to know bit by bit. A suprise attack. Like the Battle of Shiloh. (arf)
Beth, Maggie, and I are presenting that tomorrow in History, and I'm not really looking forward to it, to be quite honest. I don't give much care to battles, you know? Even when I am held responsible for researching something I am not liable. I can't be trusted, despite what Ryan says. I, ultimately, can't rely on myself, and can't let anyone rely on me.
What a moron.
-Laura.
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Wednesday, December 11, 2002
04:55 p.m.
""Satan lives in my head""
I hate how realiant I am on other people. It seems like my entire life is just a reflection of whoever I know. Today I was in an extremely angry mood, I usually am in some "extreme" when I write in here. I suppose if you read this but do not know my in person, you would assume I was some haywire freak about to snap. I guess it could be true. But when I am around people as ecstatic as I, my mood matches theirs and everything is fine. It's the worst though, being alone without anyone to help you out. I am such a weenie. Really. I can't spend the night at people's houses because everyone always falls asleep before me and then I am awake alone at four in the morning crying. It's stupid that I end up with tears in my eyes over my godforsaken imagination.
Not to brag, but I think I have a kickass brain. I mean, when I fabricate scenarios in my head, they are well thought out and almost as bona fide as you can get. When I think of a "close encounter" with the one I love, I can feel his skin and hear his voice; sometimes smell his hair. Unfortuntely...this also applies to the horrors I think of late at night, like my parents getting killed in a car crash. That is what drives me to tears. And God only knows why I end up thinking about these things. I'm not depressed or suicidal... I don't listen to bands and think, "Wow...they want me to sacrifice my body so that my soul will be free." I'm not full of convoluted crap or anything like that, I don't think. But when I want to be vivid, I am as sharp and incisive as a small scintilla of glass. Have you read my Pokemon story? That was complete Laura-on-vacation-bored dribble and yet it's damn entertaining, although mainly because the characters are people we know only to an extent.
What is up with these AP history "to what extent" DBQs? Honestly... my school schedule is alright, but activities on the weekend are killing my study time. Yet I become melancholy without them. I know there is a wiser way to delegate time, but I am looking forward to chilling on Friday and Maggie's party is Saturday, and there is no way I am missing Jason and Billy in a nun costume. Sometimes I hate to admit "mother knows best" and even though we have such a cohesive relationship, I feel guilty that I am closer with her and my brother than my dad. Ironic though, that Dad is the one who drives me back and forth from school each day yet we still find ourselves suprised and uncomfotable with each other.
Don't worry; there are plenty of good and fruitful things in my life, especially now, but I am not in quite the position to write of them- yet. =)
-Laura.
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Sunday, December 8, 2002
12:31 p.m.
""Hiatus?""
It's obvious I have lost touch with my journal to you, I'm sure, but I thought I would publicly state this: I am going on an offical break from this. I'll come back sometime, but for now, I can't stnad to see this layout without the picture of Ed, I can't take the dots anymore, and I can't take my info or recent things that I never update. I need to do a new layout to spark me some interest, but I don't want to do one without pictures. I want to buy a domain to host myself, but I don't have money. I want to stop complaining, which I will do...right...now.
-Laura.
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Sunday, December 1, 2002
01:47 p.m.
""here's a thought, if you're willing to listen""
Agh, I don't know. I have a horrible feeling about school this year. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would, but it has been difficult to keep up in some respects. I wish teachers would cordinate so as NOT to have their tests all at the same mother freaking time. Anyway, I've grown jealous in a sense. Maybe jealous is the wrong term... But I've been angered still by desperate people doing all they can just to make a boy or girl friend. Such a lie. People meet for the first time and hit it off. Both are decent looking, so they call it a relationship. Right. That's going to work.
-Laura.
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Sunday, November 17, 2002
03:06 p.m.
""I know I haven't updated in a long time""
It seems that there are always people who you know probably shouldn't meet each other. And then it happens and each party hates one another, and you feel stuck in the middle. (Squeezed in the middle!) Even before it happened, I gave a warning, though light, but I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Stupid, dumbass me instead let their feelings be hurt directly from the source. It certainly feels worth, but at least you can just cut off the power source and not have to worry about it later, I'd assume. Even if the threat comes back... maybe the victim will be prepared next time, now that they have dealt with it. I hope, at least.
In other news, i haven't been to a show in a long, long time, and I am starving for some good live musical entertainment. It is key, is it not? Just like solace of friends, which I've got plenty of at this moment, even if I ask you about something you don't like and roll your eyes, I can pinpoint what you're thinking even when you disguise it... Okay those things were completely unrelated... Sorry, i have that running of the mouth syndrome, eh?
-Laura.
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Wednesday, November 13, 2002
08:41 p.m.
""Shh""
I talked to so many people today... phew...an amazing feat, actually. But, well, it made me happy. Let's not lie... it is quite invigorating hugging someone you haven't been in physical contact with for a month or more. ... =D
-Laura.
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Sunday, November 3, 2002
08:27 p.m.
""Yum Yum Chicka Bum""
I know I was going to archive this; it being a new month and all, but I haven't had the chance to write in so often. But today, I felt the internet just tugging on my little sleeve, so, here I am. The truth is, I have been in a spitty mood lately, mostly because of A's somehow slipping to B+'s, a very uncontent situation. Well, not only that, but just generally the loss of potential friends. I'm not talking about the people you see and wish you knew them, just based on the fact that they appear to be someone of interest. I mean those people that you always thought were dull and drab, but one day happen to paint your celing a bold and beautiful color. (YESSSSS for the return of bad mizixed up analogies) I haven't been to a show for weeks, and sure, there was a dry spell last year at this time, but this year is when it has a more painful effect... a loss of seeing and hearing great music... a loss of talking to people you only see once or twice a month if you are lucky... a loss of an environment not fostered by the every-day kids at the cement walled place you visit every day.
So very important!! No, really, it is. If I could, I would say "fuck the theme journals, I'm going to see Glassjaw on Wenesday" ... not that I would have money or a ride... but still... the concept is much more attractive than having one's butt fall asleep on a multi-colored woven office chair while typing up one-page responses to readings.
My birthday is tomorrow. Sixteen. Who would guess in less than two years I would be in college? I don't even want to think about it. Arg. Of course since I brought it up, I AM thinking about it. There are a lot of things I want to up and leave about my home; my city; my family and friends. But there are so many others that keep me connected to it, all the time. I consider myself to be relatively adventurous in a comparitive sort of manner, but when it comes down to it, I'm a wussy when it comes to people. I'm sp glad I never had a boyfriend or a serious guy relationship. That would kill of my entire pallete of emotions. hnn.
-Laura.
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Wednesday, October 23, 2002
04:49 p.m.
""I know you'll be here on the ground""
Jenny Handa is a great girl. She warmed me from the inside so much last week. All the times when people know you too well; to a point when they can't help you because you know they are bullshitting. But I am only beginning to know her, so although it sounds wrong, I don't yet know if she is bullshitting like everyone else. Either way, she made me feel wonderful at a time when I was about to lash out and scratch something. Certain things I always feel are out of my reach, but, with someone to give you a boost, maybe there is always a way...
I know, that was insanely corny. I was on the video announcements this morning for auditioning anchors. Actually, I wasn't going to do it, but when I was in the room waiting for everyone, the kid who was scheduled was being all mopey and I felt guilty for thinking I should stand it up. Today was also the day we had to wear our Scarlet Letter "embarrassing" stories on our chests. I think the assignment is understandable, but to be very honest, I am not embarrassed of anything. How wrong is this: I act embarrassed because people think I should be. "I'm so ashamed for you" Uhh... thanks? That is so sweet? I know I do stupid things, but frankly, the people that look down upon me are people who's opinions don't matter. They are the same people that pass off their embarrassing moments as times they hit a curb or a bush. OH, let go... a teenage driver who has been in the car for slightly over a year OF COURSE is going to hit something sometime or another. What is the big deal?
-Laura.
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Wednesday, October 16, 2002
06:09 p.m.
""who can benefit from actonel?""
Oh man, what is up with me today. I feel like everything I do, to put layman's terms... sucks. The hallowwen costume I was building isn't looking as full as I would like it to, and I honestly got pissed at it. Of all things, a trash bag, I mean, come on! The hot air balloon we made did not work at all, which also made me angry due to my misunderstanding the assignment. Besides that, lately unexpected obstacls have been popping up ruining my sight. I can't even concentrate on my homework right now. I don't have that much, but I should be doing it. I just feel so useless. What kind of a person am I? What kind of a friend am I? Well, I know one thing... "If I can do it, it will be a piece of cake for you." Because for me, everyhting is easy, isn't it?
I'm sarcastic, yes.
-Laura.
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Monday, October 14, 2002
03:52 p.m.
""The sky is a wall""
I have reverted to 7th grade antics once again. Last night was a cosine function. Ha. Laura tricked me online, and it killed me for being too gullible. Ryan started telling me loads of personal things about him, which came as a shock, but at the time I saw it as bribery. I know I am not date-able, (no, this part isn't in reference to ryan) so that didn't break me up too much, but it stings to know. After all the misconceptions I found out for sure that people DO like each other after all. And hey, I ended up giving Ryan a knick knack for his birthday, even after I complained how much I HATE those pointless things. And after a 4 and a half hour conversation, for once, I have a lot to show for it. I am honest? =D
-Laura.
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Sunday, October 13, 2002
01:03 p.m.
""Stars shine brighter when there aren't any clouds""
Even though my friends will make fun of me, when they leave a scratch, it is the hardest to heal. I know things aren't meant to offend, but sometimes, it feels like it anyway. Of course, this makes the prevailing strength even better when it is revealed. I really am appeased now; Ryan didn't breath a word. Thankfully; thankfully. Don't say you didn't think he would; you told me he would, but he would do it "nicely." But of course, right? Would he say he hung with a whore? Would he, really?
The party flowed interestingly, with generally only our core group showing up. Gayu is extremely warm and friendly, and she told me that I like like the freckeled Guess model, which, is a compliment, but a funny one. I appreciated her before that though; I swear. Ahh man, just when I thought an extremely tense night would occur, the very opposite happened.
-Laura.
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Wednesday, October 9, 2002
06:23 p.m.
""XXX tennis balls! Watch out! They're censored!""
Uhg, I know, I know, I'm working on a new layout. Technically, I am wokring on four layouts, yet to be determined as to which I will actually use. I just can't decide. Anyway, I can't give too much attention to that; what with all this historical crap reading and the Scarlet Letter and being a native american in a Puritan community, and arccos, and P1 V1. Just too much. Too, too much. I am at a breaking point with certian things, now, thank God no one in our class understood the homework, so we get an extra day. Yay! The weekend looks like it will be jam packed. Friday is a given run around and get driven places in Jason's car day, Saturday is working on the float and Ryan and Jason's "humungo" birthday party, and Sunday, well, Sunday is the day I will work on the essay Selfrdige will assign us tomorrow, and do the rest of my sad, soppy homework. wheeee?
-Laura.
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Sunday, October 6, 2002
02:09 p.m.
""I do cherish you""
It's really sad to think of all the washed up pop stars like 98 degrees and 5ive... and S.O.A.P. Don't remember them? "This is how we party, fooling with your body, come on everybody, can't get enough of it" Maybe that struck a chord?
But seriosly, Christina Aguilera was dea over a year ago, overshadowed by the much more attractive Britney Spears. Her agents, since then, have been buying back her fame, paying big bucks for her to sing at the Olympic closing ceremonies, to present an award on MTV's video music awards so that she could attend since she wasn't even nominated, and even payed MTV to do a Making the Video on her song that isn't even that popular. I do feel sorry for her... at least in the beginning she wasn't as slutty. Now she is seriously gross. Playing off all kinds of fetishes... you know, the young schoolgirl look, the tough, bitch-fighting kind, the dirty hoe, the all too touchy feely lesbian. What a hoe; What a whore.
And yet Britney gets away with wearing an almost full coverage almost see-through outfit.. with sparkles!!
-Laura.
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Saturday, October 5, 2002
04:01 p.m.
""what is the color of YOUR energy""
New people are sometimes the most interesting people. It is rare to be intrigued by people you know so well, since you form certain expectations of them. Even though it is an oxymoron, you can *expect* them to be spontaneous. New people light that lame little fuse, yes, but after it passes... usually you can't relight it, no? Jason, although I have known him so long, persists still to interest me when he gives random, out of the blue speeches protesting a certain belief of somekind, and I appreciate that much more than a new, insignificant person. Especially an insignificant person who thinks quite the same of me and refuses to write about me in their journal because they don't believe I "open up" to them.
Sorry. I don't do that on the first date?
-Laura.
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