I had an attack of the right side of the brain last night. I wanted to write...I probably could have written if I forced it, but instead I drew, which I haven't done in a long time. Stayed up till 4 am drawing, and then colored the pic at work today. Posted to the MLs. I was satisified with it until i got home. Now I think it sucks. Such is the life of a perfectionist. Nothing is ever quite good enough. I'm very, very tired now.

Rick managed to finally get his domain problems taken care of, so once more I am http://shira.rangerplex.com/, which is easier to remember.

Got the new Silverchair CD on Tuesday night, and I'm impressed. Not the thrashing hard stuff that I'mused to hearing from them, but its a VERY talented CD. Really shows what they can do musically. Foo Fighters have a new single out - heard it today - I don't like it. Hopefully there are a some better songs on the CD that isn't out yet, but I would bet there is. They can't put out a bad CD.

Umm...yeah. OK. Maybe I'll come back later if I can think of something else to say here.

Song of the Day: Electrical Storm, by U2, brough to the United States by MY radio station, Y-100, who got an illegal copy, played it before anyone else, and has since influenced the record company to release the single AND the CD earlier than scheduled. *giggles*



Umm...
Monday, August 26, 2002 09:28 p.m.

Sometimes I just can't think of a name for my blog entries. Like today. I want to post, just so people don't think I went away or anything, but really, nothing much is going on. Just lots of average stuff. That's good, though. Average stuff.

OK, so, I've been bugging the hell out of Y-100 so that they start playing the new Silverchair single. The CD comes out tomorrow, and Circuit City has it for, get this...$7.99. That's the "shira is broke" special if I ever saw one.

I have poison ivy on my legs again - apparently picked it up weeding and mowing yesterday. Yes, I was actually doing yardwork. Imagine that.

5 parts into my new fic and I still don't know what to call it. Needs to be something sappy or angsty, but I don't know what. *sigh*

I'm in another computer...again. Actually, this time it was by choice, and not because there was anything wrong with the other one, and THAT is a first! I now have a 266 PIII Netfinity with dual processors. *grins* I'm going to be in BIIIIG trouble if I kill this one like I've killed all the others. It's a nice machine - fast - and I'm even getting the hang of Win XP Pro, although I was wanting to pull my hair out yesterday for a little while. I can't get my MSN email on this machine. Some stupid thing with MSN wanting to turn all the POP email over to .net service, which dumps you into Hotmail. Yuk! But, the good news is that Chris still has one system set up ao I can get my MSN email there. I only have 9 more months in my net contract anyway, and when that time passes, I will no longer be an MSN customer, because we are going Comcast.

Both Ash and Jan are on vacation, and hopefully they are having a good time.

OK, that's it. Must get ready. On Rockline tonight they are previewing the entire Silverchair album, and then interviewing Daniel Johns from LA about the band and his health. Luckily Rick was able to find an affiliate station that is still feeding over the internet, so I don't have to get in the car and sit out by the highway to get the Allentown station. (You think I'm kidding?)

Song of the Day: After All These Years, by Silverchair, off the CD "Diorama"



Rain!!
Friday, August 23, 2002 01:36 a.m.

Yup...it's raining. For real. And not just spitting either. It's really raining. *Does happy dance* Been raining going on three hours now...on and off, but more on than off. This is a very good thing. Oh...the bill for the well came today. *sigh* $4794.20

Got a new compy at work today. They gave me a Compaq Presario *groans* For all of you out there reading this, take note. Compaq, Gateway and Dell are all a pile of junk. DON'T BUY THEM! (Unless it's a Compaq laptop. Those, for some reason, they know how to build). Did you know that all three of those companies sell "new" systems that have refurbished and refused parts in them? *nods* Yup. That's why Gateway's quality has gone down the crapper in recent years - because they went from discarding the parts that didn't work to "fixing" the parts that didn't work, and using them anyway. Now...for the price of a Gateway computer, don't you deserve all new parts? After all...the thing is only going to last two years or less anyway.

Was sitting...uh...right here last night, wondering when the hell Silverchair is going to put out a new album (it's only been something like 3 or 4 years!), so I visited Chairpage.com again. Haven't been there in a while, like...months and months. I have good timing. Found out that they have a new album, and are releasing it here in the US next week!

Read some other interesting information as well. Apparently Daniel Johns, the Kurt Cobain-esque singer and lead guitarist, is suffering from "reactive arthritis" at the ripe old age of only 23, and they have cancelled the tour that was to promote the new CD, "Diorama," because he can't even hold up his guitar. Said on one site that some days he can't even walk. And, as it is apparently a viral disease, he's been in treatment for months and months, and they aren't gaining any ground with it.

I did something that I never do. I wrote to their fanclub (not that I'm a member or anything) about this, for two reasons: First off, as it is stated on the webpage, the fanclub is run by their families. Their way of being closer to the fans, so I took a chance that "somebody" would get the email and actually read it. Second, I thought I'd forward some information that I had regarding one of the best holistic doctors/kinesiologists in the US, Dr. Regan Golob, who has treated things that had no right to get better, and made his patients well again. See, Daniel Johns is also a vegan vegetarian, and he's anorexic on top of that, so he has a lot of stacks against him, but he is also, apparently, open to homeopathy.

OK, OK, you guys laugh. But you know what? Four hours later there was a reply from Australia in my email thanking me for the information, with a note that it would be forwarded to Daniel Johns. Apparently he's here, in the US, obtaining treatment at a holistic treatment center right now. They say he is slowly imporoving a little bit at a time, but they are interested in finding out anything they can to help the problem. So, for whatever it's worth...maybe I will have influenced something good here. Who knows. Chris thinks there is a trained duck sitting at a computer in AU sending stock replies to emails, but I don't know. I mean, I didn't send a run-of-the-mill fan email, ya know? And it was a very genuine, thankful reply. Well, I guess all I can do is think that they really will forward the info, because I've seen this guy in action (the Dr., that is) and I've read about the unbeleivable cases he's treated and turned around. He does kinesiology on horses, too, which is how I found out about him, but he's a "body wellness" specialist, and he's super at what he does. So, maybe they'll really look him up. *shrugs*

Song of the Day: Ana's Song, by Silverchair, off the album "Neon Ballroom."



Water
Tuesday, August 20, 2002 07:07 p.m.

Well, the well (haha!) is in and functioning. There's enough water pressure in the house to run a fire hose (which is something we never had before), and there is a feed up to the horse paddocks too (YAY!!), so these Lipizzaners are doing well. And, from the information I have from Zillah, the ones in Austria have not been reported to be in any danger either. She said that whenever something serious happens that requires the evacuation of the horses, the entire COUNTRY hears about it, since they are the treasures of Austria and all that. As of yet, not a peep, so I'll take that as a good thing.

I rather like Bear's idea. I think she and I should pack up our East Coast belongings and move in with Ash. *Ash shudders*

So, other than the headache I have from...what, I have no clue, and the fact that the contractors dug up my entire flower bed putting in the pipe *sigh*, I guess everything is cool for now. UNTIL the bill comes. *double-sigh* Well, (seriously, I always say that, LOL!) at least they were nice and re-graded the driveway, which just saved me $200, since they filled in the rainwater rut that was in it but we haven't been able ot get fixed because we didn't have the $200.



Stuff
Monday, August 19, 2002 07:27 p.m.

This is me. I'm bad.

what movie symbolism are you? find out!

Oh and Ash? I want your flatmate. *grins* Sounds too good to be true. Enjoy, sweetie!

And in other news, Austria is underwater *gasp!* I have an email out to Zillah, from one of the GW lists I'm on, because she lives there. I asked her if the Lipizzaners were underwater. Although most of you probably couldn't give a rat's ass whether the Liizzaners are underwater or not, it would be a worldwide tragedy if they were, because a third of the world's population lives there and in Slovenia, which is right around the corner. *sigh* There seems to be a major tragedy that cuts down the Lipizzaner population every ten years or so. The last one was the Croatian war, where the Serbs entered the Lipik Stud Farm and slaughtered hundreds of horses in their stalls just because they knew that the horses were the pride of the Croatian people, and before that, there was mass abortion by the broodmares due to a rhinopneumonitis virus outbreak, causing the deaths of something like 150 unborn foals. Hopefully these floods leave the horses alone.

In other, other news, I finished Papillion today *cheers*. I'm pleased with it.



Pages from the past
Sunday, August 18, 2002 11:28 a.m.

In a few weekends there is this really big flea market in Lancaster, and Chris and I are going to try to thin out some of our unwanteds and unneededs. I was up in the hay loft, in the separate room where we put all our junk when we moved here, and I was going through things to pull out to take. Interesting, the things you find when you're weeding through all that stuff that you just couldn't bear to get rid of before, and then you forget its there altogether, proving that you really didn't need it anyway.

Came across something interesting. A plastic green flexible binder stuffed with pages. First page says "Dates to always remember." First entry, September 3rd, 1984. *grins*

October 27, 1984: ...so I stayed up in my room crying. Brian was there. He was holding me and trying to make me stop crying...Ah, yeah. Brian. *sigh* I guess if I had to pick one true childhood love, it would have to be him. We went out for the first time when I was only thirteen and he was only 12! I think he was more in love with my pony at the time than with me, but we were a "thing" for quite a while. LOL! We broke up and got back together again so many times until high school, but you know what? He is the one, out of all the others, that I have the fondest memories of. He was always there through my early years. (He was there in the first half-dozen entries in this journal, too!). If only...if only, ya know? But I guess some things aren't meant to be. He wound up sleeping with my best friend, and then, as we grew apart, all of us, I understand that he moved to Key West to explore the "real him." No wonder...Prince was his idol *grins* Brian, wherever you are, I still love you, babe. Wish we could get together sometime.

...the next morning, WHAT A MESS! There were doritos and bottles and stuff everywhere. Either Rich or Suze puked in the tissue box... *grins* Memories from the party I had while my parents were away. They found out, too, although my mom never said anything about it. Know how? Of all things, because the house was left "cleaner" than before they'd gone, so they knew "something" had gone on.

November 9, 1984: ...went to the dance with Erik Ellixson (oooh what a babe!). Remember what he looked like? The combat boots, black pants, studded wristbands, the belts and...the HAIR?! Yes, Erik Ellixon was our school's answer to Billy Idol. Went to one school dance with him. We never spoke again after that, but I have this awesome pic of him puttin' on his best "Billy sneer," LOL!

January 1, 1985 Where were YOU when...Rick Allen has been in a near-fatal car crash in Sheffield...as of this moment (9:22 pm) he is on the table and in critical condition with a severed arm...I think I'm going to burn my book (you know, THE book?) And that book would have been my first fanfic ever, about none-other than the boys in DL, where I coincidentally did nasty things to Rick Allen because he's so cute. Heh. I still have it around here somewhere. It was a self-insert and everything, that me and Suze wrote. I got Phil. She got Steve. We both drooled over Joe. ;) ...9:51pm, Mark (the radio DJ from WYSP in Philadelphia) says Drs have reattached his arm, but he's still critical...and we all know how THAT ended, right kiddies? Whodathunk a drummer could make history by continuing to make records with only one arm?

Hehehe *blushes* There's lots more here, but I'll list it later. *grins and goes off to read about the important points of her past*

*BLINKS* Oh dear God, LOLOL! I lost my virginity on my sister's birthday! *dies laughing* January 26th, 1985. Ok, yeah, I know, I was a late bloomer, hehehehe.

Song of the Day: "Foolin'" by Def Leppard, because I mentioned it in one of these journal pages somewhere



Saturday Morning
Saturday, August 17, 2002 09:13 a.m.

It's Saturday morning. I slept late, well, kind-of. I got up at 8:30. That's late for me. The well drillers are here again to finish making the hole in the yard. As I sit here going over MLs, commenting on this and looking at that, I think breakfast is in order today, although I don't know what. The drillers just let some pressure off their hydraulic drill and the loud whistling noise made the horses run, heads up, tails flying behind them like flags. All of them except the stallion, who just watches his harem perform for him. I love it when they run like that, because they "pretend" to be afraid of the things that they know aren't coming to get them. And when they run, they float, because it's that fake run that they do. So they run away from the monster that isn't coming, and their feet barely touch the ground as they float, especially the bay mare. She moves with the fluidity of the softly rolling ocean, with style and pride, and looking at her, I smile. And then there is a pounding at the front door - I have to move my truck so another piece of equipment can get into the yard *sigh*



Complaint Desk
Friday, August 16, 2002 10:58 p.m.

You know, I'd really like to know why it is that whenever I've had a particularly good, relaxing day at work, and I come home happy and smiling (and for those of you who know me, you know that's a rarity), SOMETHING always manages to set me off, and then I am picked and prodded the rest of the night for being in a goddamn bad mood? Why? Why don't people get it, multiple people included and not just one, that when that happens....LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Because there is nothing that will make me more antisocial than harping on me all night, and with every comment I either do or don't make, about being in a bad mood or whatever. So I get glued to the computer screen. SO WHAT! Obviously THIS is where I want to be! If my mood hadn't been disrupted, then maybe I'd give a crap about other stuff going on in this house, but right now, I DON'T! *sigh*

Yes, I'm a bitch. But you know what? This is MY house, and I reserve the right to BE a bitch in my house, and also to glue my face to the computer screen until I get blinded from it. When I am in a mood like this, DON'T ask me who, what or why I'm chatting. Don't ask me what's new on any MLs. Don't ask me ANYTHING! Give me the night to "un-mood," if you will, so that I don't have to hear everybody complaining about what a BITCH I am! CHRIIIIST! *storms off*



Distracted
Friday, August 16, 2002 12:52 p.m.

Its so rare anymore that I get on the net during the day that I'm like a kid in a candy store today. The bosses, both of them, have other things going on again, and so we, the hardworking crew who have not too much to do, have started the surf marathon. *grins* But being online is leaving me distracted, because I should be writing. OK, in all fairness, I did get some writing done, and usefeul writing at that - in my one non-fiction book that I'm trying to put together. And I did some research for it, and printed out some things. I guess that's accomplishing something, right?

They repleyed the radio interview with M. Knight Shamalan this morning (have I totally slaughtered that name?). I have to say, he is a real inspiration to anyone who writes or is a movie fan. The fact that a normal, average guy (who just happens to live less than an hour away) could make a sucess of himself the way he has.

Probably be back later.



Catching Up
Thursday, August 15, 2002 08:25 p.m.

Well, lets see. Since I wrote last, a bunch of things have happened.

The water situation Because we are in desperate shape here, and at a loss of what we can do about it, I have been forced to accept yet another loan from the man with the money, my dad. *hugs Dad* God, I hate to do that. You have NO clue how it kills me to have to do that, but like he said, we havn't a choice. I hate not having any choices, because it makes me feel...crappy.

"My tooth" Tuesday morning, as soon as I got up, my tooth started in, and it wouldn't stop. I wound up going home for the day because it was in so much pain, I couldn't see straight. I pulled out in front of a truck on the way to work, and did a couple of other stupid things, and I'm about ready to tie the damn thing to the bumper of Sandrock and have Chris floor it. *sigh* And the tooth lead to the next of this weeks events...

The Sadness ...because Dad called while I was in excruciating pain, and I think I must have sounded pretty bad on the phone, because he offered me MORE money, to get the root canal done. I refused. I just can't do that, not after the well. I have to figure something else out, or just deal with the pain, but i'm not taking another $1500. from him. No way. So, naturally, he got me so upset on the phone that I was in tears before we hung up, and if they ever questioned my sanity at work (which I know they don't - they know exactly how nuts I am), they have been confirned that Lynn is a looney, by the way I barged out of there. When I got to work on Wednesday, everyone seemed very interested in how the nutcase was doing. I know they were trying to be nice, but they wigged me out. So anyway, I went home due to tooth and lack of sanity, and cried. Then I played on the compy. I became happier playing on the compy *sigh*

My Web Page has just been updated. Go look!

And... lets see...have gotten a fair amount of writing done in the past two or three days, but my writing has unfortunately been interrupted numerous times by *coughs* WORK! Umm...Jan is on vacation (Jan, hon...I'm thinking about you), and I made a new friend today. *waves to Presser*

I think that's about it, and this blog is now up to date. If I missed anything, it's because my head is swelled up like a sponge, from hayfever.

Song of the Day: Umm...I forgot.



While the cat's away...
Friday, August 9, 2002 03:53 p.m.

I will play! *grins* One boss away, other boss went home early (not allowing US to leave, mind you), so here I am! What? You don't think I wont hop right on the net as soon as the guy walks out of the building? Pshaw! LOL!

So, my mother will be meeting me here in about an hour. She drove from NY into West Chester to visit her friend, and then will follow me home from here (here being only twenty minutes from West Chester).

Bought myself a little friend for here at work. Got a beautiful cobalt colored beta, and a cute little 1/2 gallon tank for him. That prompted me to clean off my desk and my cube, and now the pretty fishie is on my desk and looking at me. I just have to remember to turn on my cat scat every night from now on, to keep Hell's Kitties out of here. Yeah, we have 4 cats in the office, and they have a good time when no one is here. I like my kitty at home better. Or Ash. *grins* These kitties here are spiteful and destructive, and I don't like that.

Well, that's about it. Probably wont get to be online much this weekend, unless it's really late, but I guess more and more that's becoming my regular time anyway.



Return of Junk
Friday, August 9, 2002 12:05 a.m.

I'm not sleepy. It's after midnight and I don't wanna go to bed. Yesterday for the first time in ages...I sat here, at night, and WROTE! *grins* It was peaceful, quiet, I had my headset on, and I tapped away at the keyboard and lo and behold, something formed. Another short fic but hey, any writing is good writing, because it keeps you in tune, I always say. I'm kind of thinking the same for tonight, but I have to go out to give hay yet, and I've only slept 8 hours in the past 2 days. I really should get some sleep, and while I am tired (there's a difference between "tired" and "sleepy"), I want to write, since I only got some very poor writing done today.

Oh, additionally, I had requested permission from a well-known fic author to write a side story to their fic, and got a favorable reply today *grins* That's cool because...*blushes* the fic is half written already!

OK, so, onto normal life. Mom will be arriving tomorrow around dinner time, and she's staying for the weekend. I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving and Al and Ryan's wedding. Chris hasn't seen her since last July. Rick hasn't seen her *grins*

I joined a writers group called Rate Your Writing.com, which looks to be pretty neat. It's a serious writers feedback community, kind of like the fic MLs that I belong to, only this is honest to goodness original fiction. I've read a few - the quality ranges, I'd say, from average to pretty damn good, so it should be neat. Posted Prospecting. Should be interesting to see what kind of comments I get, if I get any. I'm actually a little nervous about posting there, but it seems like a very professional, no-nonsense site. Wish me luck.

Song of the Day: "Mummer's Dance," by Lorena McKennet



Junk
Wednesday, August 7, 2002 11:44 p.m.

Had to work late tonight. By the time I drove home it was 10:30, and Chris was complaining. Funny though, the ususlly angsty, anxious feeling that I have when I'm forced to work late (which is rare) wasn't there today, as I was more than willing to sit there as long as I needed to. I didn't want to come home. *sigh* Because, you know the old saying..."Home is where the bullshit is."

So anyway, things are...things. Had a lot of time to think today while I was working, and I thought a lot of thoughts about my unhappiness and about the things that just continue to happen here. Didn't come to any conclusions - only that same old "Why," as I try my darndest to turn it all around. Honestly, I'm at a loss these days as to what to do to turn it all around, because I keep trying, but nothing seems to work. And I'm not sitting here whining about it either - I'm having very lucid thought. It's just a thought that never leaves my mind.

Eh...I had a whole bunch of stuff I was going to write here, but as per the norm, someone couldn't give me five minutes to write in my Pita, and now I've forgotten what I was trying to write. Now that I've forgotten, someone went to bed. *sigh* I cant wait to clean out our bedroom of all the non-bedroom stuff that's in it and put up my little private writing corner.

I feel like playing my guitar, but I can't. It's midnight, and I'm the only one up. Basses are no fun unless they're really LOUD! and distorted.

Song of the Day: Something off the new DL CD - anything ya want. Feel free to pick something and I'll be glad to put it here as my song for today. Or maybe I'll let Ash's friend Jaime pick it for me *grins*



Updates
Sunday, August 4, 2002 09:37 p.m.

Things are not good. We got the lid off the well and measured the level - there is only 4 feet of water in it. The water pump is too powerful for this little bit of water, and every time we turn it on it starts to overheat because there is no water in the ground to replenish what the pump sucks out. Couldn't find a smaller pump either (not small enough that it would make a difference, at least). The horses got water from the neighbor's well tonight, and now the hose is broken too, so that will need to be replaced. I have a sink full of dishes that I can't clean and laundry that needs doing, besides the fact that none of us have been able to bathe...again.

To anyone who's been through a lot more than I have, I apologize for sounding so pathetic in my last entry but...I'm really, really losing it, because I haven't a clue as to what to do about this, and resolution doesn't seem to be just hanging in thin air. Talked to the parental units (well, my mother, who gave me a real good laugh when she said "Why can't you just hook up to the city water?" My mother is so silly, isn't she?), but there aren't any answers there, either. My Godmother is 91 and frail. My mother thought I should call her because I haven't in a while. Apparently my grandmother has been telling her that I've been depressed and having some problems. I told my mother that I refused to suck up to an old woman just because she "supposedly" has some money socked away. I got really bent out of shape about that. Wouldn't do much good anyway because in my family (other than my parents), people think that if you've got five grand in the bank, you're loaded.

So anyway, that's where things stand. I'm not going to say more because I'm trying to pretend that none of this is real anyway.



Losing the Game
Sunday, August 4, 2002 12:18 a.m.

That's about all I can call it is losing the game. Because when you've dealt with the amount of problems that I've dealt with, and they just keep on happening no matter how you try to stay upbeat about things well...what else would you call it? We've gone waaaaay past the point of character building here.

What is the tragedy this time, you ask? The water pump. Again. Ah, but...we've figured out why this time. Take a guess. I'm waiting. Need more time, or are you ready to take a stab at it? What? No water in the well? You're smarter than I thought...or we're stupider that we thought. Or it just needs to FUCKING RAIN! *sigh*

So, as of this writing...I can't wash clothes at home anymore, probably not dishes either, so we'll be on paper plates and cups as soon as I can get some, and yes, the pump needs repaired again, because the check valve stretched again from the pump overheating trying to suck up water that wasn't there.

New well, you say? Well, (no pun intended there, believe me) drilling wells costs money. Lots of it. Like...$6-8,000.00, of which we don't have, nor do we have equity because we keep dealing with all these damn disasters, nor can we afford to take a loan for it, nor can we anything. Yeah, I know...you HAVE to have water, especially when you have 7 horses but...I guess I'm at a loss as to what to do this time.

This was supposed to be my dream. This was supposed to be me showing the world that I "am" good at something. This was supposed to be me fitting in with a purpose and a plan and a future, and right now, even if I withdrew my entire IRA it wouldn't be enough to fix this. Do you know what it feels like to wake up every day realizing more and more that you just don't have what it takes, and the harder you try the worse off you're going to be? Chris is encouraging me to just sell everything, including the stallion that I raised from a weanling, and just throwing in the towel. I don't know if I can do that though, because...because...because those horses are what I'm about. There is no "me" without them. If I get rid of all this...that I worked so hard for, well, I think I might just curl up and blow away, ya know? This is my self worth here, whether that be wrong or not. Without it, I'm not worth much.

I think I need to call my dad. Dad's always know what to do, no matter how old you get, right? *sigh*



Rain Dance
Friday, August 2, 2002 09:06 p.m.

It hasn't rained since the last week of June, coincidentally not since that downpour that almost ruined my hay crop when the bozo farmer cut it before the storm. It's thundering like crazy outside right now, and there is a cloud formation just beginning.

I wish I knew a rain dance. I'd be out there doing it if I did. The paddocks are dust bowls and while the alfalfa is growing well in the feilds, the orchard grass isn't coming up for the second cutting, and all of the grapes on the grape vine have died. We don't even have good apples on the trees. Jesus, this sounds like something out of The Grapes of Wrath!

Song of the Day: "I Wish It Would Rain," by Phil Collins



OK, so I was wrong
Thursday, August 1, 2002 12:43 a.m.

The new Def Leppard CD, "X," is pretty bitchin'. It's just a differnt style for them. That and, I needed to listen on my headset so I could actually "hear" the damn thing, since hearing things is difficult in this house.

Good job guys. Very bittersweet, melodic, expressive disc. I think I feel some fics coming on.

Song of the Night: Long Long Way to Go, by Def Leppard, from the album "X"



Musical Gifts
Wednesday, July 31, 2002 08:48 p.m.

So this year I have been blessed with a number of new albums, some which I waited for, others which I had no idea were on their way.

The new Rush album came out in May. I already told you about that. There's a new Goo Goo Dolls CD that I still have to pick up. Bad me, I know. Then I was pleasantly surprised to find out on Sunday that Def Leppard, my favorite bad boys from Sheffield, have a new release (yes, Jan, they're still around, but the problem is that nobody knows it because they don't get any airplay anymore, and their style has changed since the death of guitarist Steve Clark *snifs*), and with a special price at Best Buy - $9.99, yesterday only. So, of course, I went CD shopping yesterday and picked it up. It's OK. Not their best, but...eh. Then I found out today that Good Charlotte has a record in the works, and heard the first single on the radio. That will be another I'll have to pick up when the time comes.

I love music! Especially, loud, obnoxious music!

Song of the Day: "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous," by Godd Charlotte, off the new CD of which I have no idea what the name is yet.



Pain hurts
Monday, July 29, 2002 09:01 p.m.

I need to rip my face off. *whiiiines* I have been in SO much pain since 4:00 this afternoon, with my tooth (yes, remember "the tooth?" The one that needs a root canal which I can't afford?) Since the last time I complained about "the tooth," the filling fell out, and also small amount of the tooth itself, leaving me with exposed roots (and no, that is nothing like a bad dye job). Anybody ever see the scene in that old Dustin Hoffman movie (is it safe?) where the bad guy drills his teeth until the roots show, and then leaves him to run in the city to escape them...at night...in winter? *winces* What was that movie called? I forget. Anyway, I have "Is it safe" lite going on here. No bad guy. That's the only difference, unless you want to call my employers the bad guys for not giving us dental insurance. *shakes head* I dun know what I'm gonna do about this. I can't just cough up $1500. out of thin air. I can't even cough up a hundred out of thick, sweaty, 97-degree-hundred-and-three-heat-index air.

*sigh*

So, I was getting some writing done this afternoon until this started in. Then no more. Not only that, I almost drove myself off the road three times on the way home. Know how other cars steer clear of the erratic vehicles on the road, the drivers (sometimes me and you, I'm sure) saying "that guy must be drunk...I'd better steer clear of him!" Well, next time, take pity on him. For all you know, he might be having a tooth ache so bad that he can't see out of one eye!

Song of the Day: I had one, but I don't remember what it was. Pain does that to you. Somebody shoot me, please?



Boring weekend
Monday, July 29, 2002 12:31 a.m.

Yep, that's about it. Was supopsed to work at the vet Saturday but *cough* one of the horses was colicky *cough-cough*, and I helped Chris get some packages ready to ship out instead. In exchange, I got Chinese Buffet for dinner. My favorite, because Saturday night is shrimp and snow crab leg night.

Today, Sunday, I woke up feeling awful because I had a very bad day with allergies yesterday, and I was still feeling dizzy and lightheaded. I was up most of the night with a painfully dry throat and nasal passages, and wound up waking up with an "allergy hangover." Luckily I was OK by midday, and after downing loads of fluids to rehydrate what left me between the sniffing and nose blowing yesterday.

Debbie, Max's owner, is coming by next Sunday to look at Thistla and Pisa, so we had to finish the electric wire on the top of their fence so I can get the cribbing strap off of Madame "Cribsela" and tend to her sore on her neck. I've priced them pretty low - I hope she takes them. That would make my summer. Especially since I now have a new blister on one hand and a blood blister on the other to add to my collection of "summer boo-boos.

Also had an inquiry for dressage prospects from a lady in Ohio that sounds serious. Sent her pics and a whole long email, and I'm hoping it results in at least a visit out here. Usually, if they drive that far, they're serious, and I've never had anyone not buy once they came out (because we're so damn good! *grins*). The trick is always getting the people to drive half a day to come out and see. Ah well...time will tell, I suppose. Selling Stormy would be great, though, because then I could have the first turnout shed put up out here.

Not much else going on. Chatting and reading with Nix over the course of the weekend, and she's been writing like a banshee to get her story done. I saw the cover artwork for her book and my jaw dropped, it's so good!

I did start that new list, Fic to Fiction Writers Group, for anyone who'd like to join... Fic2FictionWriters at YahooGroups. We have 9 members so far, and already the conversation has been neat.

Well, that's about it. Going out to give hay, and then I'll probably hit tha hay, LOL! I know, I know...shira no baka!

Ash, thanks for the kudos! *hugs Ash*

Oh and, I can't forget this. Got to laugh my ass off a little while ago when Rick decided, after getting his shower, to take out the recycleables...buck naked! *grins* Of course, its black as the ace of spades out tonight and cars very rarely go down our road this late but STILL! *giggles* I think I need to get some blackmail pictures next time!

Song of the Day: Whatever the name of that song was that the guys from Weezer played on the radio tonight on WPLY Y-100 about a guy finding out his girlfriend was a lesbian



Little Accomplishments
Thursday, July 25, 2002 07:25 p.m.

I was surprised to learn yesterday that a 100 word fiction that I wrote and submitted to a contest was selected third amongst over 200 stories. WooHoo! Nothing big, this contest, but it's encouraging at least. No money for me (first place got $100), but I do get a copy of an anthology that my story will apear in, so, I'll have some proof that I actually got published for real somewhere. *grins* If you'd like to read my story, it's called "Becoming," and you can find it here

Got a lot of writing done today, in a few different stories. Half a part in Papillion, half a fic for a songfic that I'm trying to write (but I've deleted it twice already because as much as I want to use the son, I just can't get "into it"), and half a fic for a sidefic that I'm writing because I just adore the fic, written by someone else, but I wont be able to post that right away, not until I get permission from the author to reference his story, since really, he doesn't know me, and I thought I would ask. I just hope he answers, because I'm "very" into this side fic, and I think it's coming out very complimentary to his original story.

Well, that's about it. Still trying to uncover the "real" plot in my original stuff.

Song of the Day: Down Poison, by 3 Doors Down



Moral Dilemma Averted
Wednesday, July 24, 2002 06:43 a.m.

Well...I suppose its a good thing, in a way. That way I don't have to go around for the next ten years thinking something is going to catch up to us. The papers we got...they weren't "the papers" that we thought they were - signed and notarized paperwork that Chris's student loans were PAID IN FULL. That was $13,000. I'm sure you can understand now why we freaked when we got the papers in the mail.

So, what were those papers then, you ask? LOL! Loan companies have such sneaky ways of doing things and confusing the borrower, you know? Those forms were the initial loan from LAST May, which apparently were closed out when Chris requested an extrat $2000. to pay for things like his exams and the computer equipment he needed to be able to do the labs at home and all that. THEY told him they just added the amount on. What they actually did was took the initial loan amount, then closed that loan, and took another loan with the additional amount. So, I'm sure you can see why we went all gaga when the paperwork came saying that the loan had been satisfied...yeah, the loan that we didn't even realize was in the picture.

The long and the short of it is, we still owe the money. Now, while that's a relief in one sense, it's truly amazing how "jilted" someone can be left feeling after thinking they were going to get a "gimmie" like that. Human nature, I guess.

Other than that, things are...things. Ash got my waffle coupons (I don't eat Eggos - I make fresh ones in the waffle maker), Jan and I had a nice chat Monday night on AIM, and my MSN connection totally SUCKS! again, and I think the time is coming for me to call and really give them a piece of my mind. This is the first time we've been able to get online in 24 hours now, and it's because they keep having server troubles. Now, I'm tied into a contract with them for another 10 months, and really, I just want to kill someone, because this is NOT fair.

So, that's what's going on.



Payback(?)
Saturday, July 20, 2002 03:37 p.m.

Something "interesting" occurred today, and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I can't go into details, because that could incriminate me, but it involes a LARGE sum of money, and an envelope that came in the mail that stated "PAID in FULL" inside it. Not just any papers either...the original contract. (No...it's not my mortgage. I don't think mortgage companies are THAT stupid!). And no, neither of us have a rich relative who would do that out of the blue for us.

So, as Chris, Rick and I stood in the kitchen staring at this "notice," we realized 1)It is THE original document, stamped, sealed and notarized, 2)The account has been closed, 3)We couldn't get to the account via the internet ie: "There are no records that match your description," so...this is the real thing. I have a legal document that says it is paid, our account has been blown out, and have a nice day.

So, here comes all that moral shit and everything. Now...supposing we do nothing and it all comes back on us twofold? Supposing we do nothing and nothing happens? (woohoo!) It's been a hard couple of years for us. Real hard. This could be a gift from heaven, as far as the monthly finances go. But...I know the facts, and the facts are...well, you already know what they are. *whines* I don't really know how to handle this, because I am usually a very honest person. But...but...hey man, it was THEIR mistake, right? *whines more* If money wasn't so damn tight, it wouldn't be an issue, but...I mean, EVERYTHING in this house is breaking, and...this would SO help us. I just keep thinking, in the back of my mind that this is some test and someone that I have no idea who is watching to see what we do, although I realize that is highly unlikely. And it isn't even as though it's my problem, really, because it's Chris's deal...but when you're married, everything that is yours is theirs and vice-versa so, that's why I say "we."

*sigh*I don't know what to do. Chris says to just wait and see what happens over the next few months and to just forget about it. I want to do that, because...well... I seriously doubt this is going to cause any hardship to the organization involved, and it will PREVENT hardship for us but...but...*whinewhinewhine*

I hope no one thinks badly of me if I decide to just sit and wait. You guys wont, will you? I mean, put youself in these shoes. It's a tough decision to make. Or maybe after all the bad luck I've had (and we've had) over the past few years, this is fate's funny way of giving us a little payback? *whines yet again and wanders off*



Off to "The Zone"
Friday, July 19, 2002 10:14 p.m.

Yup. Back on another diet. This time, The Zone. Tom mentioned this one to me before, when we talked about the Atkin's Diet, which didn't work for me. I read up on it today. Makes a lot of sense. We'll see if I can keep up with the food menus. Been printing out menu plans and recipies for an hour now but...in defense of this plan...I followed it for dinner, and I've already gotten the desired effect, ie: I'm not falling asleep, like I usually am after dinner. That means my blood insulin level is good *grins*. If I can keep it up for...Oh...the rest of my life, maybe I can get back into my old size 10's. :) THAT would make me VERY happy, and I wouldn't feel like such a blob (even though I'm not 'really' a blob...but, I gotta lose some weight) *siiiiiigh*

Song of the Day: Where Are You Going?, by Dave Matthews



Only in America
Friday, July 19, 2002 07:19 a.m.

Can someone who had fessed up (I accidentally started the fire while burning a letter from my estranged husband) to setting the state of Colorado on fire subsequently "change their story," to something SO ludicrous (I was LOST and started the fire to attract a helicopter!), and not only be beleived, but be found NOT GUILTY in a court of this country's legal stystem. *stands speechless, jaw gaping*

You know what I think? I think that if we are going to behave like that in this country (by not prosecuting people who have "admitted" to crimes because of "lack of circumstantial evidence" - I mean, for crying out loud! The evidence BURNED UP, along with half the STATE! Has anybody thought that this is WHY there's no evidence? Huh? Huh?), then we deserve everything that we get as Americans. Trouble is, some of us deserve it more than others.

Too bad she couldn't have just burned down the judge's house and backyard and left the rest of Colorado alone! Sheesh!

Song of the Day: What? It's too freakin' early for that!



Just stuff
Thursday, July 18, 2002 07:49 p.m.

I forgot the fic I'm currently writing at home today (in the drive of my comp), so I had to use my creative energies on something else. I took out "Procphecy" again. You know...for such a great storyline that I've developed, why am I not just dying to work on it all the time? I have so many ides for that fic...but yet, I have trouble writing in it. Maybe it's because I have too many ideas for it.

Interesting thing, too. I started it in Oct. of 2000, and continued it this past winter. There are 4 long parts. Reading over whats there, it's like a different person wrote the first two. I read it and was like "I wrote THIS???" Needless to say, I got nothing new done today as I re-wrote the first part so that it was at least somewhat representative of my current writing ability.

I'm feeling very creatively anxious right now. Not sure what to do about it yet. I have a hard itme concentrating when everyone is home in the house, and I've got to stop this "turning nocturnal" thing I'm getting up with again, because 4 hours of sleep a night just doesn't do it anymore. *shakes head* I don't know how the hell I did it last year, when I was foaling mares.

I feel like hanging out at an all night coffee shop and "brainstorming" for writing ideas. Wanna come?

Song of the day: Drift and Die, by Puddle of Mudd



Quiz time again
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 10:18 p.m.

Yeah, I believe it, although, I don't write that much poetry.



Forever Blue
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 10:13 p.m.

Yup, that's me. Doesn't this new blog page really fit? I love it *grins*

Anyway, welcome to my new blog page, which now matches my new website. I've been a busy girl these past couple of days, and I'm proud of myself.

Ash, your fic will be working tomorrow. Seems as though during my site upload, the html file went *poof*, and that was that. I just re-did the html. I'll be uploading again tomorrow. Thanks for the nice comments about the page, though *hugs*.

Well, not a whole lot going on right now except me distracting myself from important things I need to be doing so, in honor of my new blog page, I leave you with the illustrious and heartfelt words of Chris Issak:

Forever Blue

Nobody ever warns you,
or tells you what to do
She walks away, your left to stay
Alone forever blue

The stars have all stopped shining,
the sun just won't break through
Each days the same, more clouds more rain
Your left forever blue

Forever blue 'cause you love her,
but she dosen't love you
You did your best, life did the rest
Your left forever blue

No reason left for living,
still there's alot to do
New tears to cry, old songs to sing
And feel forever blue
And be forever....Blue

~ja ne