get backers! zankoku Perky aren't I? ^^;;;;
I have many things to say about Get Backers, but first, thank you so much Sweetie! ^___^
Okee, to make this short and sweet, this is a really cute series. I like all the characters especially Kazuki, Akabane and Ginji! For some reason, this series reminded me of Tokyo Babylon too because of many environmental issues. It’s a very informative series both for trivia and emotionally and therefore, I’ve found it most interesting and enjoyable! ^____^
I’ll gush now about the ADORABLE GINJI! He goes chibi and he’s the thunder emperor. What more could I ever ask for?! He’s as adorable as Subaru and Ryuichi! * drool, drool * Ah…so cute. He’s definitely on my top five now. Ah, and I must say about Kazuki though! He’s so beautiful! And he’s so awesome! What a cool character! There is something very soothing and magical about him and the only way I can describe it is: alluring. He has very captivating eyes like Subaru and Ryuichi. Quiet strength, indeed.
So yes, I’ve gotten to episode…25. ;_; I hope to see more of this and read up more of Love Mode. (Love Mode is a collection growing slowly but surely. I love it so much!) I want to make fanfics for these two!
Right now, my mood is good. For the first time in my whole life, I feel balanced. I am enjoying life despite all the little annoyances. I just wish I could do more for the world. There are many people I don’t like, but there are many I’ve learned to love.
I can overlook anything as long as I can still feel what’s around me. That’s what’s most important to me than anything.
It’s funny that this weekend, I got around to talking to Duality about certain people I’ve met. The range has been from super quiet to ultimate bastard-like. And yet, through it all, I only cringe when someone tells me I can’t be the way I want to be.
In my twenty-two years of living, I can finally grow in bright sunlight and I am not ashamed. I just need to learn to protest. It’s hard for me to fight against people because I think that’s below me. I hate wasting my time and I don’t like using more of my precious time with people who are closed-minded. But still, I find it hard to verbally express myself.
I am most frustrated by inconsiderate traits. I have my own, but I recognize most of mine (though I cannot help but do them). I think what makes me angry over anything is when someone cannot acknowledge the fact that they are wrong. No one is perfect, but I think it’s even harder to admit that you’ve made a mistake. * sighs * I sometimes think if I ask too much of the people around me.
Song of the day: Dancing all alone (original mix) by Smile d.k.
writing advice for the day: Who are you? Who am I? Why do you love certain characters or go for a group of characters? Is it because they are your ideal or do they cover the things that you lack? The more detached you are from someone or something, may be your greatest or weakest asset.
Monday, October 27, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 09:24 a.m.
There was once someone who told me indirectly that I was cruel. I didn't understand what he meant. (I was a bit insulted, thinking he hated me or something. Seems that I was wrong…) It was a long time ago, maybe five to eight years already.
I thought they were mad at me for being the way I was/am. And now, I understand.
Maybe they _were_ frustrated with how I was/am. I push myself into people's comfort zones and try my best to break through their barriers. I don't do it on purpose, but that's just how I am.
That person told me he couldn't help but like me. I didn't know what they meant by that either. Sexually, mentally, intellectually, spiritually...what?
I still can't see it because I still feel deficient inside.
But it's a funny thing, after maturing a bit, now I understand what he meant when he told me that. Maybe I grew on him after all that time...
On a different note, I totally got a new idea for a Su x Sei fic. I dunno what to do for Sei’s b-day next month!
Thursday, October 23, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 09:22 a.m.
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 09:19 a.m.
yaoi con and ponderings (perverted and not…been corrupted):
I had a lot to think about today and I don't even know where to begin. All I know is that after I sent an e-mail to my parents, I got mad at myself at being so whiny. I usually don't like doing that, but I was still so frustrated with my computer. As I said to my brother, I feel like one of those dumb people (not trying to offend anyone, but you get what I mean...) that don't know anything about computers. It's not that I'm totally stupid about them, but I wish I was more knowledgeable so that I could avoid being in this position again.
I think I'll just buy a new computer with the money I was planning to take a class I needed...*sighs* Priorities man. I need to write papers and the like. I need to write fics before I go insane. It's venting.
Then, because of that e-mail, that optimistic side of me kicked my own ass and screamed into my ear, "Why are you complaining?! You have so many things! So sure you blew out light bulb, your battery-operated toothbrush died on you, and your computer died pretty much, but it doesn't mean there's nothing else to do!" Then, I thought of the time that I didn't have internet and that I had to go to the school library to use it. At least I have facilities here at school and then there are people who can't even afford a computer, so why should I complain? I'll be happy with I got! ^_^v (That's what MA/Yui's do.) There's nothing I can't do or can't get around. It's just a matter of planning and timing. That's all. No problem.
So, now, that's solved.
On a different note, Yaoi con was awesome! Small, but homey. I never felt more comfortable in my whole life!
The auction...can't be described with words. Boys kissing, cute dances, stripping, and fan service. (Thank you to the cosplay group who had Subaru and Seishirou kiss. I really needed and wanted to see that.)
But...Shiki-sama! I can't believe Neeecolaa's friend had become more and more beautiful that I had last seen him. Very beautiful bishonen indeed.
I shall gaze upon him again next year, hopefully.
I guess while I had a blast at yaoi con and got to see cute boys with great attitudes being auctioned off, I thought that I shouldn't be ashamed of my journal. Before, I had written about stories and my life and how I changed, but then I'm kind of glad it's gone 'cause I now realized I was ashamed of myself for keeping it.
I will now pursue to be as true and honest and I want to be. As I should be.
While I was in Yaoi con, I hung with sexy Duality and beautiful Adri for three glorious days! (Yaoi con motivation factors: 5 percent for merchandise, 5 percent for bishies, 90 percent ‘cause sweetie was going.)
I was with her for three days, and she’s so cute! Wish she’d talk more. --;;; And when she did…perverted things came out. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
And no, I don’t think I’ll have enough research down to write lemon…yet
But all in all, she is special to me. My number one fan.
I am very glad she came. Yes, even though I couldn’t talk when she left. I wasn't even out of the damn airport and I was already missing her.
--
I hope I will grow into that person I want to be. I want to feel beautiful. (--;;;; Even though some random person told me I was drool worthy…what a liar… ^^;;;;;;; eh heh heh.) I want to always push to be my smartest.
I never want to settle for second best.
That just isn't me.
I hope that my writing is getting stronger with everything. And making myself become even more invincible. For it never fails to amaze me how fans will always surprise me with what they have to say. (Here I thought I was f----- up for writing a Naraku+Kohaku pairing…)
Life is great despite all the mishaps because I am never truly alone. (Partly ‘cause Duality’s a slave driver. ^^;;;;; --;;;; Not that I should complain about a beautiful woman ordering me around is bad…)
I am always touched when someone says, "This is beautiful." Why? Because despite the ugliness, I now know that there's always something very pretty about it. My optimistic nature: “Never say ‘die’.”
It's a funny thing.
I feel like Sabrina. Finding myself, within myself, in this little clustered city called San Francisco.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 03:20 p.m.
I finally finished Kikoeru ka
I should be getting on in my day (even though I just woke up), but I had to check my e-mail, as always. It never fails to surprise me about how readers can feel about you and the things you write.
I write sad stories and sometimes, they're overbearing, but I can't stop. Each has their own unique taste and Ryuichi (like Subaru to me) is very different from every character in the anime fandom. Subaru and Ryuichi are two personalities that I can identify with the most.
In this case and in this story, Ryuichi was struggling with anxiety and depression. They're very hard subjects for me to talk about. It's easier now that I can deal with it all right, but before, I would never say anything. There are occassional times that I feel that way even now, but not to the extent that I would fall worse than Shuichi to his knees in episode 8. It's easy to pick myself up now.
Kikoeru is special to me because it was something I was able to share without being told I was 'not all there'. It's not everyday that you can say that you have a breathing problem or that you can faint because your body doesn't want to move. It's scary to look back and think you wanted to die and little by little, you were letting yourself do that. You get focused, but even that was painful too. You're screwed either way.
But all it comes down to is that Tatsuha was the one who read him so well. He got through the barriers because he wanted to understand why did Ryuichi act the way he did. And even though Ryuichi was scared of someone wanting to understand him, he was able to overcome that.
That was a point in my life that changed me: when I knew that someone wanted to listen. And as chaotic as my thoughts are (and I feel disoriented while talking), there are some people who won't let me fall again. And I wont' allow myself to.
Tuesday, October 7, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 11:08 a.m.
My random comment on the layout...
*purrs* Rroar. Yes, kill me, Seishirou-san. *blink, blink* *winces* So sexy...
Monday, October 6, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 11:48 p.m.
WAH~! I like Auron! * blink, blink * I don't cheat on people. * winces * Prolly it's because this is final fantasy * sweatdrop *...The palladin Celes, dragoon Kain, Cloud, or Sephy would be Auron's options to kill. ^^;;;;;;;
WHAT?!
Wow...makes me think of Sephy-baby...
Monday, October 6, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 11:43 p.m.
a funny thing...
I was doing an interview today and the guy interviewing me laughed when he said, "You're shy?"
I told him I wrote stories because I'm very shy to say what I really think to people. Just talking to people gets me all flustered even though it doesn't seem that way. ^^;;; I'm good with starting conversations, but carrying them is totally different.
I laughed 'cause he said, "You're friendly and you're smiling! How can you be shy???"
It's a weird thing. I love to talk to people who can give me a good conversation, but I am not good with group settings. I get easily claustrophobic. ^^;;;
"On a Sunday, riding my bike,
I notice, I notice different things that look alike."
-Sonic the Hedgehog the Movie theme: Look Alike
A silly song that's so cute with its irony.
Monday, October 6, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 10:26 p.m.
miyu fic - a painted reality
I always remembered what he said. He told me this before he was exiled to live behind a mask for all of eternity,
"Some people wear masks to shadow what's inside.
Some people wear masks to show only the truth of their heart.
For there are people that only care about what they can see and not what they should touch deep inside.
Even if it is their own heart."
I wondered if he meant that no one was really true inside. Was there really sincerity existing in the world?
Because if that was the case, what are trust and the human heart?
They're all just illusions, and we live in our own realities.
Perceiving what we believe is truth.
I try to see the truth and try to give the truth that I see. I wonder if I am misinterpreting something. I sometimes feel like a fool like Tohru, saying thank you even when it is not needed. Being polite even when you're stepped on.
I wonder why I can write so many things such as this and write stories that sometimes do challenge an issue I wish not to discuss or agree with. It is not that I desire peace all the time or that I totally hate confrontation, but it is hard to talk to people who won't listen to you. It is hard when you're saying something and then the person you're talking to has a total left-field comment that's totally unrelated to what you're saying. I don't know who is worse and either way, I just get frustrated. Is it because I don't hear something? Am not considerate enough to get a response? I don't know.
I guess that's why I write a lot. You don't get interrupted and sometimes you just have to let things out, close to a rant, but not as harsh. It's hard to put your frustration into a single phrase. A person who listens, but doesn't understand, a person who doesn't listen at all, or you're just saying something that carry any type of merit/stupidity put into supposedly intelligible words are what it comes down to.
I wish I were better to describe stuff, then I'd have a comfortable time talking to people. It's funny that most seminars I go to, there's always someone who tells me on the side, "You have good ideas. You're just quiet all the time/Why don't you raise your hand up more?"
Things are always going through my head. I've done this since I was a child, when no one would talk to me except when they needed something to gossip about. (Yes, I'm bitter.)
I wonder why is it that I'll always be divided between an anger towards some humans and eating myself alive with my disdain
and there's that other half that's maternal and thinks that everyone needs a chance. This is driving me nuts.
And all I can think after reading 'when' again this time, the main character was crazy. And this was a dream about myself. I was Hinegeshi and I wrote it out because that's how I lived my life for so long.
Am I strange? I'll never be 'normal' and I never wanted to be, but I hope that I won't get to the point that I will become insane because of my differing feelings about life and ultimately, how I view myself.
There is still much improvement to go. I don't think I'm as good as I present myself to be. I wonder if this will ever change. I want to be the best person I can be, but then I remember many, many things that I've forgotten in my life. Maybe, I've purposely forgotten them because they were painful enough at the time. A relapse would just crack me all over again. I wish I were stronger. I hope to be someday.
Monday, October 6, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 10:24 p.m.
I can't wait! Nooo! WAH~!
My wonderful brother tells me there's a new FF movie.
* downloads video with Adri's help * * chu * * chu again *
^o^ * blink, blink * The only thing she shouts at the top of her lungs in her SF apt:
HE CUT HIS HAIR?!?!
What she is thinking but can't say aloud:
CLOUD YOU HOTTIE! SEPHY-BABY! * blink, blink *
At the ending, Yui thinks:
I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SUMMER 2004?!?!?! I can't wait that long! Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 5, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 05:39 p.m.
^_^
THANK YOU ADRI SWEETIE!!!!
Today has been a great day! ^_^ I got my ears pierced and my brother encouraged me with cute info:
FINAL FANTASY SEVEN MOVIE!
He loves to tease me about this pairing and I'm glad he loves me enough to tell me the latest info! (Oh, and to those annoying people dissing my bro about ddr...they are so going to hear from me if I ever meet them...kukuku...)
Saturday, October 4, 2003
In a sweet, twisted dreamland bordering on the nightmarish at 11:20 p.m.