kaerimasu.
there were many things that ran through my head this weekend. but after walking japantown, union square, chinatown, fisherman's wharf, golden gate park, and all the way back to my apartment, I realized that i was just afraid of my own responsibility. for the first time in my life, i was actually aware that i didn't want to deal with it. but that is not the MA/Yui i know. that isn't the person i am.
and as fucked up as everything is, all i know is that i have to move forward. i feel like i'm running out of time because i feel like i'm not going anywhere, but i am. i know what i want and where. i have to want it more than anyone else.
and i do. i want it so badly that i want to break myself and restructure myself until i know who this person is. that's why i love 'ibara no namida'. this feeling inside of me won't ever die. though i may get confused, i know that i can do it.

i am now focused. i just have to accept this responsibility that has been given to me.

i talked to duality and my mind is very, very clear. i know a lot of things that have been dwindling in my head. but most of all, there was a protest about gay marriages from a church around 19th ave. today. and i was mad that people would impose their standards on other people. i have my own, but that is my own and no one else's. i have bi-tendencies, but dammit, do not judge me by that alone. i feel sorry for them. duality asked me why and i couldn't describe it very well at the time, but after she left, i knew the answer. i felt very sad not only because they will be judged the same way someday, but that they have fallen into that constraint within their minds. they may believe in their cause, and that is admirable, but they will not be able to live beyond that. and they have taught their children that. the cycle continues.

change does not happen because you say so.
it happens because you want it to. you do something about yourself, not to other people. they just react to you.

i thought my idealism was lost to the world, but i guess it is not. i believe in people no matter what has happened because i am imperfect also. i know there are things i can't do, but i know there are many things i CAN do that make me work even harder.

after struggling and getting sick, i've reached a high again. i'm constructing myself, chipping all the things that kill my love for life. i'm imperfect, but dammit, that doesn't mean that i don't know how to live.
just because i love many things, people, and such, that doesn't cheapen my love. it makes me grow through them and let them grow with me.

this is the source of my hope: love.
this is the stem of my idealism. and as much as i get mad and upset at the cruelty of the world and the frustrations i have about myself and life, this anger, depression and bitterness will not ever win out.

i care too much because i want to.
and i think some people are scared of my honesty that way. even myself.

i want to continue to learn and love the people around me and beyond, even if they forget me. and even though people think i don't care sometimes, they are active in my memories and i am always grateful for what they've done for me.
and i want to return that to the world. because with all the crap, there were things and people that were so much more beautiful and wonderful to appreciate because of that crap.

thank you duality. you have saved me again. through another april, you have saved me again...

Sunday, April 25, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 08:41 p.m.

from fic 'ibara' for Gravitation...
1-
And yet, what went through my mind as I played my solo was,

“Forever, I would always play a song that Shuichi couldn’t hear…
I would walk this path for eternity.

A love with no end,
Overflowing deep inside of me with no outlet,
Killing me with its power.
Piercing me relentless, unmercifully.”

All the while, Suguru was always looking at me with a gentle, bitter expression, hurting on my behalf…


2-
I want to kill this love before it kills all of me.
I…
I don’t want to suffer anymore on its behalf…

I don’t want to hurt myself by loving someone who doesn’t understand how much I love them…
…or that I can’t have them…

I don’t know if I love the memory that lives within me
Or the person who’s changing without me, showing the part of himself that I wanted only for me.
I wasn’t the one changing him anymore, it was him, not me…
I just couldn’t accept that.
I would never accept that, as childish as it seemed.

I’m so confused, but I don’t want to save myself.


3-
“I looked too closely
At the beautiful flower called ‘love’
And it pricked my eyes.

Maybe I was already blind.
Your existence proves it to be so.

But even when I die,
This feeling will continue,
Cursed for all of eternity,
Just for you.

Just for you, alone.”

Friday, April 23, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 03:54 p.m.

>< tezuka!
i'm a nut. i spent so much time modifying a pic for my own personal wallpaper (which is quite simple). --;; tezuka, what have you done to me?! (--;; does this mean i have to marry a libra? they drive me nuts! in very, very bad ways...*sighs*) wahaha! let's just say i calculated tezuka's height too. he's about 5' 9" for a first-year hs student?!?! *faints* *blinks* --;; i always feel so short. *is only 5' 1/2"* no wonder i'm always mistaken for a middle schooler. how will people respect me as their teacher...?!?!?!

Friday, April 23, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 12:31 a.m.

the eyes that don't let me breathe
the HELL is up with this?! it's great weather outside, but i'm sick again~! *wince* how the heck am i supposed to do my homework? wah~~~~!!!
BUT the one compensation to make this a good day: TEZUKA. PRINCE OF TENNIS! AH~! and who is the first to look at tezuka? ryouma, of course. fuji and ryouma look especially dressed up today. *smirk* another fanfic is forming...but i still want to finish my tsutsui + kaga and hikaru + ogata ones...*wince* regardless, eiji keeps on hugging ryouma. it's great. --;; i would too...i'm such an eiji type. OOH! but in this ep, tezuka SMILED! the last you saw that was 69 (or somewhere around there, another ep has the same scene, so that doesn't count), when he was told that his elbow was 'healed'. (yes, i remember things like this. ^^;;;;;;;;;) And who DARE touch Ryouma besides Tezuka and the rest of the Seigaku team?!?! *jealous* (At least it's not Tezuka...) Demo, demo, she called him KUNIMITSU~! ;_; -_- ;_; *REALLY JEALOUS* no one but fuji is given this right. (Note: it is rare...miniscule, even...that Yui/MA gets jealous. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; I've gotten majorly jealous, hmm...5 times in my whole life. yup, that's the track record.)
i was reading my favorite gravi fics yesterday and the reviews i got for them...god, i love gravi.
i also read two fics that i made that were the most accurate with memories i had on them. i showed them to a friend yesterday. i didn't realize i was way, way too honest...


Random note: BWAHAHAHA~! The chibi's at the end of PoT 130 were cute! Ryouma!

picture of the day: suna no oukan 1. tezuka's eyes...they always make me remember something, but it's very hazy. just like 'egao de aitai' of marmalade boy. i love tezuka's eyes. i forget to breathe each time i see that pic.

Thursday, April 22, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 04:16 p.m.

the 'song' i made for an HnG fic...
“When and where, in this distant place and time,
Did I lose the very thing I treasured?
Why do I feel like nothing is ever real anymore
While I am awake, when these dreams,
Are truer to me than life itself?

Where did you go? Where am I?
Where was I? Where are you?
Am I the only one who feels this obstinate
Towards the change between us?

The wind sounds like a flute
I try to say your name, but the ring is different.
People are mysterious beings,
They can be anything, be everything,
And be nothing
All at the same time.

I want something that will stay and never go,
Enrapture and capture, wrap you with my legs,
My fingers touching your face,
And when I’m about to kiss you,
I breathe into your ear.

Possessive, that’s what they call people like me.
Obsessive, that’s what they say shouldn’t be.
But I caught you, against your will,
I will keep you
Until the end of time…

Until the end of time.”

Akira: "Wherever it was painted or not,
I know that I will write it in blood if I have to, even if it’s not in the books of Destiny,
It must be you and I. It has to be you and I."

Quote of the day: Nothing can simulate what is truly real. Just because you can feel it doesn’t define it as such.

song of the day: 'shanghai'(?) by faye wong

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 11:45 a.m.

KAPPEI~! KAPPEI~! KAPPEI~ SAITINGU~!
i guess Sensei's okay, but know why i watched it?!?! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I LOVE YOU~!) He plays the athletic cutie. *WINCE* Suetake is so cute! What makes this even better? His classmate's gay and has a huge crush on him. AH~~! *LOL* This is great!
I just hope i don't look like Mika-sensei to my own students when I start teaching. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; <---always fears that.

hmm...i hope there's no one who rivals my admiration for Yamaguchi Mitsuo-sama! ^^v His birthday is coming up~!

Tuesday, April 20, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 12:02 a.m.

woke from dreaming by the delgados
"Woke from dreaming,
but it took convincing
I was shaking, screaming,
I was still alive
And you were picking strangers
by the side of roadways
Little, little
let the danger unfold

You can do what you do
if you think you’ll take it
You can do what you do
if you are that way inclined..."

the madness does not stop. it continues and continues. and i help it by watching 'midori no hibi'. --;;; oh dear...cute, but oh dear...
life is nothing but gray, literally and metaphorically. i want it to rain. i want it to rain so hard that i can't see what's in front of me.
how come i look like i know where i'm going, but in my head, i don't have a clue?
and still, i choose to move forward. wanting to discover what's at the end, hoping to look back and say, 'yeah, that's my life. awesome, isn't it?'
i'm an eclectic being. teacher's pet (not by choice), auditioned for an anime seiyuu, published 2 stories, published poems 'everywhere', semi-finalist in a sci-fi writing contest, have lived in many parts of la (now sf), read palms, went to a B'z concert, anime expositions, cosplay, sing karaoke in front of strangers, speech contests for democracy, the ability to get people to talk to her, essay contests, fanfic writer, graduate student at age 22, intermediate level in 4 languages, etc...interesting, ne? and here i thought i was boring.
maybe life isn't that bad as i think it is right now.

Monday, April 19, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 09:08 p.m.

kippei swooning. again.
and so again...i finish all my homework...but not the one i'm supposed to do. that was reserved after aishiteru was watched. @_@ *WINCES* KIIIIPPPPPEEEEEIIIIIIIII~! EVERYONE falls in love with him. Ahahahahahahahahahaha~! I like his earrings (but I want a black hoop-like one...can't find that style. they're guy earrings i think 'cause i've only seen them on guys. ;_; --;;;;). *blushes red* @_@ KIPPEI. WHAT A CUTIE. Aishiteru is one anime I keep on repeatedly watching over and over EACH episode. ^^;;;;; (That and SMLA.) *sways from side to side with her hands on her cheeks* *melts*
he's such a great guy, brother, and 'stand in' mommy. (I can't help it. What's better than a bishi taking care of children?)

song of the day: traveling by utada h.

Sunday, April 18, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 05:44 p.m.

baka da na~
WAI~! JUPITER IS SO CUTE~! *_* She says thank you and I fall about an 1/8 of how Kappei Yamaguchi affects me whenever he speaks English. @_@ *head rolls*
She is definitely the cutest sailor on the live action thing...if they could have a Haruka and a cute one...*blinks*
Oh my freakin' GOD~! *_* *looks at new Gravi cd* Song doesn't sound all that great...i'm really disappointed in that, but I've got to find it if it has any or lots of Kappei!!!! I never got the 2nd Sound Story one. ;_; Wasn't too interested in that one. (Then again, when I heard KAPPEI was going to do the cover song for sound story 3, then, what the hell am I sitting on my ass for?! KAPPEI~~! He wasn't in SMLA this week. ;_;)
But to make up for it...*_* *NOSE BLEEDS* *will die of blood loss* I have no shame. The new cover for Gravi is so...so...Ryuichi, you...MMM...damn, I could just eat him. (I don't care how you take that.) I've always imagined Ryuichi to be very very innovative and daring as a character and singer (which was my total take on 'melting ice sculpture' though his sex appeal was more overboard than i had planned but this is EXACTLY the type of outfit I had thought of him pulling off). Tatsuha in a business suit. WITH a red (undone) tie. DOUBLE WHAMMY~! (And yea~ for a third drama cd!) One of my favorite couples and they have the SEXIEST PIC!!! * Wince * Even better than the tight-shirt wearing Ryuichi or the ass-shot in the manga. (Speaking of, I want my ears pierced again.) Then again, the prototype for Gravi was Tatsuha and Ryuichi in the first place. ^^v (They were done in a dj first like RG Veda. Only, Clamp continued with RG Veda while Murakami-sensei changed it to Shu and Yuki.) However, because I've only read some of the official news, I wonder if they're keeping the anime or the 'manga' group to do this...
KAPPEI. I just want to know if it has a lot of KAPPEI in it...;_; (That's the reason why i didn't buy ss2.) This is awful. I'm 23 years old. I've been obsessed over this seiyuu since I was 15 (april 12th or 16th, 1996, when i first heard him in Ranma ova 1, his first word 'OI~!' the word that made me hard core fan by December, 'Thank you!' and 'Kawaii Baby'...oh yeah, i have this date too...)...and you don't want to know the date i fell in love with mamoru...heh. (Yes, I remember things like that.) ^^v I have it written somewhere when I first gazed upon Haruka too! ^^v *_* I can't help it, she's a babe. If I would marry a woman, I'd do anything for her. If I would marry a guy...heh. You already know I love Tezuka!!! (I'm too much like Subaru and Seishirou...heh. ^_~ hi-mit-su.) ^^ --;;; I have no shame pursuing something that I know is a good investement over time. *winks at Duality* *bows before her* (Damn you for being beautiful...)
oh btw, my brother (the one i trained all these years) voiced out (through a raw, i believe) that a new anime has KAPPEI-SAMA. i'm so watching!!! don't care what it is... yui has watched too much inuyasha...

i find it distressing that people i say are damn beautiful, they themselves feel they aren't...weird...

on a random note, SD Gundam is SO FUNNY~! I wish I could buy all the episodes~! *YUI LOVES MECHAS AND YUI LOVES CHIBIS...* I kept on laughing. "What about being the star of this show? I'll show you my missile attacks! My head's too heavy" ('cause the construction of this gundam is unproportioned). "Gundam, you're too overweight" ('cause he's got too many attachments). "This double-sided tape is too strong!" "This position's too weird, I can't reach it with my hand" (while trying to touch something on the ground and can't bend since he's a gundam).

song of the day: trying to find 'the fool' by faye wong

Saturday, April 17, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 11:43 p.m.

random stuff
wah. where's hikaru no go ova 1 subtitled? i understood the gist of the raw, but of course, i miss 15-20% since i'm not fluent enough. ;_;

it's a wonder. my friends reflect the things i can't say. never thought i could be so antisocial in my whole life. but i can't ever be too antisocial. ;_; people always talk to me. i think that's a good thing.
ah, i've gotten over my fear of public speaking. i played substitute for my class the other day and i didn't shake or anything. this was a big accomplishment.

on another random note, i think this is the best quote for the week: "It was a chance to become close to a female high school student lawfully." - Koi Kaze My thought right after hearing this: "There's also becoming a teacher." *LOL* ^^v
Finally, eyecandy! ^_____^ i saw a really, cool-looking girl. her hair was ryuichi-ish and she dressed like nanase aikawa. *_* Awesome personality too! (--;; Yes, I went to talk to her 'cause I thought she was interesting...but I didn't catch her name.) But the best sighting was TODAY. The boy was very fem. looking. He looked way too serious (like Gendou Ikari-ish), but he was way cute. A bishounen hunter never misses her prey-er, target...um...i mean...ah, hell, the prey that made himself a victim. i can't help it if i like beautiful art...

Ah, but I wish I were a better writer...;_; i think i'm coming to a big writer's block again. shuichi meeting ryuichi...*sighs*
talent...hmm...i wonder...i wonder if i ever had that...

Thursday, April 15, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 10:12 p.m.

yea~! ANOTHER TEZUKA-sama sighting! ;_;
(if only i could have eyecandy...but anyway) I already know what the this week's Tenipuri ep's gonna be, but I like the end. Ryouma's so cute! In the manga I thought he looked older than that, but in overalls AND a red shirt! *____* KYAAAA~! AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF...TEZUKA'S IN THE NEXT EP~~~~~!!!! WAI~!! He's come back!!!
Nanjiroh's a punk, but he can back it up. he's so _fine_ when he was young. *wince* *thumbs up* i think my favorite shot is when he comes out of the shower with the towel over his hips. *melts* BUILT. he is...damn...ryouma's growing up to be an even cuter bishie! But Tezuka's still the best!
i'm depressed, i gotta have some excitement in my life. *smile*
So yeah, that's how a gravi fic on yuki came out instead of a term paper...

song of the day: come by namie amuro (it's gonna be this for the days to come. i REALLY like this song.)

Thursday, April 15, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 01:38 p.m.

oni~giri~!
i'm slightly getting things sifted through. i don't know what's happening, but i've hit it, a low. (wonder how people always think i'm genki, but i'm so messed up inside.) i've started to listen to 'everything you want' by vertical horizon. that isn't good...no it isn't at all...on top of that, i've been eating more chocolate more than usual. (okee, so i eat chocolate everyday...but not as bad as this...)
i'm drowning myself in music to drown out my inner chaos, even for a little while. i will screw homework one of these days and just go to borders to read for hours. (go hot gimmick! and i wanna read the yummy fake 7 in english. niko's rendition of our 'viewing' of 5, 6, and 7 in Japanese wasn't good for our health. and she gave me love mode and i bought even more love mode. ^^;;; i have half of it now. ;_; i miss my manga with aoi and naoya! my favorite couple!!!! *wince* i wonder if there is a sane being-or maybe insane-who would show me such blind devotion. ahahaha. yeah...right. people only see some sides of me, but the more they know...i'd probably scare them. duality, adri, niko, and winnie have stuck it out...) my friend was asking me, 'why do you want to go to karaoke? why does it have to be in japanese?' of course, i answered, 'to practice japanese.' but the real reason: 'only certain english songs do it for me. many japanese songs say what i can't say and many people can't understand what i'm singing though i understand the translation most of the time. hyde. i need to sing hyde right now. i need to sing ibara no namida and kasou.'
too much homework is making me go crazy. but thanks tarepanda for all the anime, esp. gunslinger girl and aishiteruze. *_* KIPPEI! *wince* tell me why all the bishies are non-existent where i am. i found more in LA. ;_; or is it that i don't go out at night (except to bookstores) and bishies don't just like to study. *sighs* --;;; where are the cute nerds? i found some in LA. comp sci and engineers. *shakes head* weakness.
i'm a lover of art (especially people's expressions and black and white photographs). i just love to analyze and look at stuff...hmm...maybe i should go to a museum. i want to see impressionism.
gunslinger girl! jose...what a great guy. (he's just missing glasses. :p) henrietta is SO PRETTY! but still, aishiteruze's kippei! his sister said, 'i told you not to kiss her!' 'but it was just a little [kiss on the forehead]...it wasn't like i was going to do anything.' sister answers, 'you hit on anything as long as it's female, huh?!' *LOL* he's a riot. i love him. i want to ask one of my friends how to make sushi and onigiri now 'cause of him. damn yuzuru's adorable. i started singing her onigiri song to my class. (yes, it's sad...don't laugh.) i spend so much on craving for sushi, i need to just start eating that. awful that i can eat about 10 different sushi and be full. ;_; i've been eating too much food. again. ;_; i've gained weight again...*sighs* but chocolate, i can't give up. ice cream and coke i have given up, yes, but not chocolate!! speaking of, i have to take a pic while i have my hair colored, don't i?
i read 'a world without you', my kingdom hearts fic. i have to say, sparse as it is...i love this fic. i think i'll get started with making 'fics you should read' thing 'cause there are just way too many to upload and i don't think that geocities will let me archive 160+ stories. ^^;;;;;;;;;

song of the day: jikuu ryokou by legogel

i'm writing a manuscript right now...and i've found what to make my novel about. ^______^ i wish i could sell it someday. i got an offer once from a major publisher before...and i was unable to do it. and that was my first book. so i hope the next time i do this, it will be published this time.
i'm not good with a lot of things, but i love to sing and write. sometimes, i can't believe it's me who makes that voice or wrote that story. it's like someone else (or rather, another aspect of myself). i'm someone else when i write. i'm acting covertly.


'fukuzatsu' by me

within my self, iroiro na koto ga aru i try to swim through, demo kudakechiru HAATO where did i go, mienai koto wa sabishii no ne? to ease this confusion, fukuzatsu ni itami ga umareta except there is no answer; kimi no tame ni, namida ga koboreta. kurikaeshi.

Monday, April 12, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 10:08 p.m.

watched aishiteruze 2...
CAN I HAVE A KIPPEI?! in any angle, he's such a cutie! personality and looks wise! ;_; okee, he's a ladies' man with that hand under that classmate's shirt, but he's so...so...lovable! (with that, i want my own kid before i'm 30. --;;; no worthy guys where i am...*DEEP SIGH* don't think i'll ever have a kid at the rate i'm going. on the street, i'm always envious of mothers with little kids, though i don't look like it...*sighs*) and ahaha...kokoro reminds me about how apathetic (and matter-of-fact) i acted towards the person i liked when i was that age. *laughs* okee, so i was kind of moody...but i've always been moody. ^^v -- i drove him nuts with my weirdness. *LOL* but he was good at getting me annoyed too... ^^*

song of the day: light before we land

Monday, April 12, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 01:44 a.m.

my way of procrastinating

BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE .You need distance
between you and your partner in your
relationship. You are very difficult to get.
You have big requirements and this one you love
must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt
your heart she/he will be the most happy person
in the world. You need someone who shoes you
that you are special and it makes you feel
good to see that you are loved. She/He shall
know that you could easily get another
girl/boyfriend but you wont as long as you
love him. when she/he hurts you you will hurt
him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If
your partner cheated you ,you would react cold
and immediately (try to) forget him

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla


Dark shadow. Something has drawn you into darkness
in the past, and you're now trying to get out
of it. The darkness is already inside you, and
getting it out will be hard, but if you try,
maybe one day you can be who you want to be
again. Don't give in!!!

Please rate ^^

What kind of dark person are you?
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You belong in the world of balance, where
everything has two sides and everything is not
always what it appears on the outside. Of
course, if you have a sense of humor, you may
find employment as a sarcastic comedian. If
not, enjoy the choices that are presented to
you through life, they will always have two
sides to them,one which leads you to the light,
and the other which entrenches you in darkness.
Walk on with hope, my friend.

Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES)
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most.

What Emotion Dominates you?
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You have a free soul! As all the souls go, yours is
the most free-spirited and adventurous. You
like camping, hiking, or interaction with other
people. Your a social butterfly, but not
because of your style, but because of your
willingness to communicate with everyone. You
probably have close friends who can rely on you
because you always seem to know whats going on
in the world. You love music and are
free-spirited and someone fun to be around. A
born leader and great explorer-dont ever
change-the world needs more people like you.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.

which happy bunny are you?
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You are the Aqua Marine Mermaid. You are pure and
brave. Strong and True. Your best freind is
your seahorse, your steed. You have fought many
battles in your own life and in the sea. No
matter what challenge you overcome it.
Congratulations there are very few of you.

What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, April 11, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 05:48 p.m.

gunslinger girl ot - the light before we land by the delgados
"In truth, there is no better place to be, than falling out of darkness still to see
Without a premonition, could you tell me where we stand?
I'd hate to lose this light before we land.
And when I feel like I can feel once again, let me stay awhile, soak it in awhile.
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong, buy a little time, for this head of mine,
Haven for us."

I don't know what's up, but I feel down. I feel too pressured about school and life in general. I feel like whenever I have some kind of happiness, it leaves just as fast. I don't know how to say it. Whenever there's something good in my life, there's always something that takes it away just as quickly. And I find myself living trying to be optimistic because I'll go through another mental breakdown if I dwell too much on this inner struggle with loneliness and depression. But as always, I will fight to the bitter end, I'm not as weak as I think I am sometimes. I just wish there was something constant in my life within all these changes.

Sunday, April 11, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 05:29 p.m.

jishin
oh gosh, oh gosh...a month ago, I had heard about Koi Kaze becoming an anime and I was really excited to see it. Dunno why (didn't know anything much less what everyone looked like), but I had a feeling I'd like it. AND DAMMIT! I DID! *_* It's soo...my type of story...why do I always go for forbidden things, I wonder...
Anyway, interesting, interesting! Then again, I like unconventional type of pairings (age differences, don't seem to go together, just plain wrong...). ;_; It's charming...I couldn't believe I watched the whole raw without looking at the time and thought, "WHAT?! It's over already?! ;_;" (Just like with SMLA, but that's 'cause I'm always looking for Kappei. ;_;)
I had a strange day to say the least. I walked and walked to no place in particular. I have this strange habit of going into bakery shops whenever I'm 'wandering'. And I went to borders, but the highlight of my day was going for confession 'cause I hadn't gone in so long. But the bad thing was, I was having a hard time thinking what sins I had to say to the priest. ;_; We'll just leave it that I had a hard time thinking about them...^^;;;;;; Okee, so I'm not always pure-minded, I cuss, and I vent out bad things that I shouldn't whenever I'm upset with people. That's what I came up with...and it felt good. While praying, all those tears I hadn't cried in so long, the problem I couldn't understand, I cried it out of my system and I feel much better now.
I must learn to be more confident with myself. I think that's what's missing... ^^v Yosh!

song of the day: 'stay away' by l'arc en ciel

Saturday, April 10, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 05:53 p.m.

tezuka sighting!
FINALLY~! He appeared in an episode!!! *winces* I missed him! *_* *smile* *smirk* *feeling a little sick, but feels great to see him* That made my day!

song of the day: c'est la vie (SMLA)

Thursday, April 8, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 11:48 p.m.

eh tou. wakaranai kedo...

DIPLOMATIC ASSASSIN: What stealth is to the ninja,
subterfuge is to you. You could look a man in
the face and describe how beautiful his
daughter is as he ingests the poison you put in
his dinner.

Which Type of Assassin Are You? (With Anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, April 8, 2004
i'm the broken shuichi falling to ryuichi's feet as he sings 'sleepless beauty' at 11:14 p.m.

Sites I buy from (and promoting!):

[x]Anime Link - cels

Friends I love and stalk

[x]My Sweetie (and totally obsessed after) Adri
[x]Melli-chan!
[x]My Jehjeh Wolfye
[x]wonderfully twisted MD
[x]Kawaii Len
[x]Sweet Mali-chan
[x]Malina-chan's 2nd blog
[x]Yumei-san
[x]Cocoa-san [x]Kamitra-san
[x]Mara-chan (fellow lover of ^_^ chisai Subaru and teenage Seishirou)
[x]Mikomi-chan

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